Blood Lines
by windchymes
Summary: With just weeks to go before the wedding, Edward reveals a secret from his human life which leaves Bella shocked and wondering just how well she knows the man she is about to marry. This is very much an Edward and Bella love story. S Meyer owns all.
1. Chapter 1: I Didn't See That Coming

**All things Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended.**

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Wednesday

The time always dragged when Edward was gone. I usually felt lost when the need to hunt called him away, but at least I understood. This time was different, though. This time he wasn't hunting.

Now, laying back on my bed I watched the moonlight stream through the open window as I went over the strange conversation in my head. Again. I'd expected him to come over, as usual, after my mid-week shift at Newton's. But he'd called instead; the ring of the phone replacing his familiar triple knock on the door.

I remembered not just what he said, but how he said it. He had seemed distracted and spoke quickly, not giving me a chance to ask questions. He'd said there was some urgent business concerning his estate in Chicago - he had to travel there immediately - Carlile was going with him - it should only take two or three days, he hoped - he'd be back as soon as he possibly could. Then he had paused.

"I'll miss you every moment," he'd whispered.

"Edward?"

"Bella, I'm sorry." And he was gone.

The "sorry" worried me. It wasn't just a sorry for what was happening now, for leaving so abruptly. I was pretty sure it was a sorry for something still to come.

Saturday

It was early. Charlie had already left to go fishing and I was lying on the bed reading, trying to decide between doing housework or going to see Alice again. I'd visited the Cullens each day since Edward had left. None of them knew exactly what the business was that had called him away and he hadn't made contact with anyone. Not even me. Alice had no clear visions, just an image of Edward in an unfamiliar house, nothing more. A now familiar knot tightened in my stomach and I tried to distract myself with my book again.

Edward knocked on my door at precisely 8.57am. I flew down the stairs, still in my pyjamas, stumbling on the last step and crashing against the bannisters.

"Bella!" His voice, anxious, came through the door and my heart swelled despite the pain in my ankle.

"I'm coming," I choked out as I tried to limp the last few steps. Before I moved any further the handle turned, the door opened and he was there. He was there.

"Eward.'' I could feel my cheeks stretching with my smile.

In a second he was beside me on the stairs, lifting me into his lap while he kissed my forehead and I wrapped my arms around him.

He pulled back a little. "Are you alright?" he asked searching my face, concerned. I gave him my most brilliant smile.

"I am now," and I squeezed my arms tighter.

"Bella," he breathed.

We were silent for a moment. Holding each other, my arms around his neck, his around my back, pulling me to his chest more tightly than he normally would, like he couldn't get me close enough. I wasn't complaining. My face was nestled in the crook of his neck and I inhaled deeply, taking in as much of his scent as I could. He buried his face in my hair and I knew he was doing the same, though the pleasure would bring him equal pain.

Finally, he spoke, pulling away from me and looking down to my feet.

"The ankle?"

"Just another bruise for the collection." I rubbed the offending joint absently. Very gently he reached down, putting his cold fingers against my skin and pressing softly. I didn't even wince.

"Doesn't seem too bad," he murmured as he turned my foot to the left, then right.

"It's not," I said. "I'd get up and walk around to show you, but I'm very happy where I am right now."

He smiled before burying his face in my hair again. I felt him inhale deeply and then very softly he whispered my name and that he loved me. It sounded sad and my stomach clenched. The feeling of rising panic which I'd be pushing back for the last few days, and which had disappeared as soon as he'd walked through the door, started to stir again. I moved to kiss him but he turned, just slightly, so my lips fell instead on the corner of his mouth. He nuzzled my neck instead, kissed me along my jaw, but didn't once put his lips to mine. The panic was gaining strength, but I was stronger. I pushed it back down, deep. I told myself that whatever the problem was, it wasn't me. It wasn't me.

"I'm glad you're back," I said. What an understatement.

He pulled his lips away from my neck and looked into my eyes. "I'm sorry I had to leave so suddenly. It was ... unavoidable."

I knew vampires didn't need sleep, but this morning Edward's eyes, his face, were weary. His pupils were dark, almost black. He obviously hadn't taken time to hunt. Clearly his business in Chicago had been serious. I wanted to ask, but part of me was scared. I felt sure it was more than just issues with the estate. My old insecurities began to creep through me. Was he going to leave again? Was he setting up a new life for himself in Chicago?

But he had come back, and he was here, holding me and telling me he loved me. With my shaken confidence back in place I took a deep breath.

"So, how was Chicago. Business all sorted out?"

Edward looked away and shrugged slightly.

"Not really," his reply was flat and he gave no more information - getting blood from a stone I thought wryly. I decided I needed to be direct.

"What's wrong, Edward?" my voice was soft. I took my hands from around his neck and cupped his beautiful face. I thought of the vague vision Alice had seen. "Is there a problem with your house?"

He gave a quick, hard laugh.

"No. No, my house is fine. I have excellent tennants, the property is well-managed. I'd say that as far as my house is concerned, all is well." There was a bitter undercurrent to his tone. My hands dropped to my lap.

"That's good. So then, tell me the part that isn't well."

He raised an eyebrow. Then, swiftly he stood up, still holding me in his arms. Carefully he set me down on my feet.

"Ankle okay?"

I nodded, not taking my eyes from his face as he looked down at my feet.

"Edward, you're changing the subject."

"Mm,"

"Edward?"

"You're right," he said and brought his gaze up to mine. "I am changing the subject." He sighed and I waited. After a moment he spoke again.

"How about you go and get dressed and then we'll go out. I'll tell you all about it."

My stomach clenched, preparing for what was coming. But then he smiled, so maybe it wasn't all bad, whatever it was.

"Sounds good, I'll only be a sec." I reached up to kiss him but he deflected me expertly, planting his lips lightly on my nose. He laughed at my scowl and went to wait for me in the lounge room.

I threw on some jeans and a shirt, combed my hair into a pony tail, shoved my feet into sneakers and ran downstairs. He was standing by the open front door.

"Where's the Volvo?" I asked looking at the empty street outside my house.

"I thought perhaps we could take your truck, today," he said taking my hand as we walked down the front path. "But I get to drive." he added.

I shrugged. "Okay, but don't try to push it past it's limits."

"I'll try to behave," he smiled as I tossed him my keys.

"So what did you get up to while I was gone?" he asked.

Music played quietly on the radio, Edward held my hand on the seat between us. I shrugged.

"I didn't do much, except miss you."

"Believe me, I know that feeling," he almost whispered.

I smiled as he squeezed my hand.

"I went over more wedding arrangements with Alice," I said. Did he just frown? "And she was glad you weren't around to distract me. I worked Friday at Newton's." I shrugged again. "That's about it, really."

The fact that Alice could see that the wedding was still on had been a relief.

Edward took us just out of town and down a narrow side road. We'd never come here before. It was edged with forest, there were no buildings. After a short distance, not far from the main road, he pulled over. Squeezing my hand he looked into my eyes. An expression flashed across his face that I couldn't make out. It almost seemed like, _fear?_

"You are so beautiful, Bella," he whispered as his long fingers tucked a stray strand of hair behind my ear. His hand lingered there for a moment, barely touching the skin of my neck, while his eyes melted into mine. A shiver of pleasure ran through me before he pulled his hand away. He took a deep breath.

"Come for a walk with me?"

Suddenly my heart sank and it felt like a hole was tearing open in my chest. I remembered the last time he'd asked me to go for a walk like this. I felt my breathing stop and I could feel the colour draining from my face. He _was _going to leave me and my whole body shuddered.

Immediately, he understood. Horror flashed across his face and his eyes blazed as he grabbed my hands hard in his.

"No Bella, I'm not going anywhere. I'm not leaving. I'll be here for as long as you want me." His voice was hard and certain, his eyes holding mine.

Relief flooded through me. He wasn't going anywhere. But there was something going on. I took a deep breath and tried a smile. Edward smiled back, his eyes calming as he did so. I lent over and kissed him gently on the lips and this time he didn't turn away. The kiss was soft and tender and I could feel the love in it. Too soon he pulled back and I sighed. A second later he was opening my door and helping me out. He didn't put me on his back as I was expecting, but instead held my hand as we walked a short way into the trees. There was a small clearing and Edward motioned for me to sit on a fallen tree which lay there, ready to act as a mossy bench. Although the forest was thick around us I could still make out my truck by the roadside.

Beside me, Edward leant forward, resting his forearms on his thighs. He clasped my left hand between both of his in the space between his knees. I waited for him to begin. After a moment of silence and a deep breath he spoke, always looking at the ground while he rubbed his thumbs over my hand.

"On Wednesday afternoon I received a message from the lawyers who manage my estate. Someone was trying to contact me."

He stopped now and just stared at the ground, still stroking my hand with his thumb. I reached around with my other hand and cupped his face. He closed his eyes and sighed, nuzzling into my palm. It was almost as though my touch eased some sort of pain. But then he turned his head away, breaking the contact.

I put my hand back in my lap. "Who was it, Edward?" I was curious. Not many people outside of Forks actually knew the Cullens existed. He sighed again, but this time it was different. Not a sigh of comfort or relief. This was a sigh of resignation.

"Before I tell you that, first I need to explain something from my human time."

He squeezed my hand tighter between his and turned to look at me. I felt shock go through me. His eyes _were_ frightened. So very frightened. I wanted to throw my arms around him and tell him whatever it was didn't matter. If it was causing him this much pain then don't tell me. But I had the feeling that wouldn't help. He had to tell me, and he needed me to listen and understand. And I would. Whatever it was.

"Bella, before I tell you, please know that I love you. _You_, and only you. Ever. I've never loved anyone else." He paused. "I never will." The fear in his eyes was overtaken by a sadness so deep I felt the shock all over again.

I managed a smile, though my heart was hammering. "Same here," I said quietly and he smiled back weakly before looking again at the ground.

He took a breath and dropped his bomb.

"In 1918 my father arranged my engagement to the daughter of a prominent Chicago lawyer."

Did I hear that right?

He looked at me quickly. I realised I'd stopped breathing and forced myself to start again. He looked away once more, his grip on my hand tightening, as though to keep me from running away. I swallowed.

"Engagement? You mean, like, our engagement? Engaged to be married, engagement?" My voice was high with shock. He nodded slowly.

"Her name was Lucy Catterall. Our families had known each other for some years and back in that time it was not unknown for such arrangements to be made. In fact it was quite common." He stopped again, giving me time to let it all sink in I supposed.

"You agreed to it?"

"Not at first. My only goal then was to become a soldier. I wasn't far off 18 and all I wanted was to go to war."

He stopped again and looked at me.

"Bella?" I realised I'd stopped breathing again and quickly took a breath, it's sharpness rasping in my throat.

"Did you love her?" I managed to whisper after a second.

"No!" He almost shouted the word. Then, more quietly, "No, I've only ever loved you, remember?" He smiled slightly. I nodded. "She was ... a 'suitable match' was how my father phrased it. Our families were friends, we moved in the same social circles. In those days, that was enough." He sighed. "No, I didn't love her and I'm quite sure she didn't love me."

"Then, how could you agree ..." I trailed off.

"I did argue with my parents about it." The corner of his mouth twitched up in a hint of a smile. "I said that if and when I married, it would be for love, and with someone of my own choosing." He looked at me and his smile grew and his frightened eyes softened, before he turned back to look at the ground again. "But my father scoffed at my romanticism. In the end, I struck a deal with him. I would marry Lucy, but only after I'd returned from the war. My mother was upset. I think she had hoped that the engagement would re-direct my attention away from fighting ... and I'd stay home."

Edward was silent, letting me digest all this new information, but his hands were still tight on mine. I realised I had to look at this rationally. It was before, waaaay before, I was born. This girl, Lucy, wouldn't even be alive now. Would she? I tried a few deep breaths. Edward was waiting for me to speak.

"Is she still alive?"

He shook his head. "No. She died in 1982."

I nodded.

"Why didn't you tell me this before, Edward?"

He let out a huge sigh.

"In all honesty, Bella, until last Wednesday I hadn't thought about Lucy Catterall in more than eighty years." He paused and when he spoke again, his voice was soft and full of a new emotion.

"When we go through the transformation, our human memories fade. We have to work to keep the things we want to remember. I still have some fairly clear memories of my human time; my mother playing the piano, going to baseball games with my father, but those were things I _wanted_ to remember. They meant something to me. Other memories fade and disappear. It's a very great effort to try and bring them up if the need ever arises."

I nodded. "What was she like?"

Edward frowned, his face screwed up in concentration.

"She was small, blonde. She giggled a lot." He shrugged. "She was pleasant. I don't remember there being much depth. Beyond the normal social niceties I don't think I had more than one or two conversations with her." His eyes flickered to me briefly as he said this, before looking away again. He shifted slightly where he sat.

I looked at my hand in his and my eyes focussed on the diamond ring on my third finger. My heart clenched.

"Did she wear this ring?"

"No. My mother still wore it then." He stroked the stones with his thumb and frowned. "I don't even know if Lucy had a ring. My father would have organised it if there was one."

I nodded and then another question came to me.

"Did you propose to her?" my mind swam with the memory of Edward on one knee before me, asking me to be his wife.

"No. It was a negotiation between the families. I never asked her that question." His velvet voice was firm. More softly he added, "You are the only woman I've asked to be my wife."

I nodded again.

"So did this happen long before you became ill?"

He shook his head.

"No, only about a month before. There was the agreement. A dinner was planned - I suppose you could call it an engagement party ..." he shifted again, fidgetting where he sat. "Lots of Chicago's society were invited. I don't remember much about the actual party, but I do remember sitting at a long table and being bored." Suddenly he gave a short laugh. "They served chicken."

"What?"

"Chicken. That was the main course. I'd never liked it and I remember thinking that it was just another sign that the whole engagement was wrong."

I smiled at his sudden memory and then a thought popped into my head.

"Do you like chicken now?"

He gave a slight shudder and shook his head. "Didn't like it then, don't like it now."

"Why?" Chicken was a favourite of mine.

"I can't remember specifically why I didn't like it as a human, but now, the blood is thin and watery and you'd have to eat a whole barnyard full to be anywhere near satisfied. A single chicken would be like eating a tic-tac."

"Oh,"

"And besides that, the feathers get stuck in the teeth." He flashed me a smile and I laughed.

Okay, so even though this was a total shock finding out I was not Edward's first fiancee, it didn't seem so bad. It was a long time ago. He hadn't loved her. They never actually married, heck, he'd never even proposed" I was starting to feel sorry for him, that he'd been forced to endure an engagement to someone he didn't love.

"So chicken _and_ a boring engagement party - not a good sign, I agree." I smiled at him but he didn't smile back and his mood shifted sharply. He fidgeted again beside me.

"It didn't stay boring for long," he said softly and looked away.

Okay, my more generous feelings started to slip. Something happened at the engagement party. And then something clicked in my brain.

"You kissed her?

Edward gave an awkward shrug and I took a deep breath. Think rationally, Bella.

"Well, I suppose if you were ... engaged, that was to be expected." Probably a chaste kiss on the cheek, a quick peck on the lips at most.

"So, give me all the details then," I laughed. I don't know why I was trying to make light of it when inside my heart was twisting in knots.

He sighed again. "I don't remember much of the party really. Like I said, I've not thought about this for eighty years. It was not a human memory I tried to hold onto. What I have remembered has been through great effort and ... pain."

He released one of his hands from around mine and ran it through his hair, returning it immediately to clasp around my hand again.

"After dinner Lucy asked me if we could speak privately. I followed her upstairs and was surprised when she took me to her room. I suggested we find somewhere else to talk because it wouldn't be right for me to be in her bedroom. I think she laughed and called me old fashioned."

So, even in 1918 Edward was old fashioned.

"I followed her inside and she shut the door behind me and put the key ... down inside the front of her dress. She would have been wearing a corset, it wasn't going to come out easily."

My breathing hitched.

"Oh, well, she wasn't the shy type, then?"

Edward shook his head slowly.

"Apparently not. I asked her to unlock the door. She told me I had to get the key."

I really didn't like the way this was going. Nor did Edward, by the look of anguish on his face. I could tell this next part was going to hurt as he took a breath to continue.

"Suddenly she was all over me, grabbing at me. I tried to push her off without hurting her. She said she wanted to consumate our relationship, or words to that effect. She didn't want to wait until I came back from the war - _if_ I came back, as she put it. I told her I wouldn't compromise her reputation, especially if there was a possibility I wouldn't be back to marry her."

I could feel the blood draining from my face, again. My breathing sped up and I felt heat and a clammy film of sweat start forming on the back of my neck. The blood was pounding in my ears, almost drowning out Edward's voice. His hands were clasped tightly around mine but he was still looking at the ground.

"Lucy began to cry. I didn't know what to do and I was worried someone would hear her. She kept saying 'please Edward,' again and again and ... her hands were all over me." He stopped and let out a groan, pulling a hand through his hair again. "My heart and mind certainly weren't hers, but my human, teenage body betrayed me."

I could feel my heart pumping harder. I knew Edward could hear it. His already anguished expression went up a notch. I took a deep breath. We were both torturing ourselves - him in telling me this, me in trying to second-guess what was coming next.

"Just tell me what happened Edward."

He exhaled sharply.

"I gave in to her request."

The bottom fell out of my world. Everything started spinning and I felt darkness creeping over me. I knew I was about to faint and took a couple of deep, steadying breaths to try and hold it at bay. It worked. Edward was frozen beside me. I knew he was staring at me, but I was focused on my hand between his. Slowly, I pulled my hand from his grip. He didn't try to stop me. I looked at my ring for a moment then folded my hands in my lap. I wanted to get up and run but I didn't trust my legs just yet. So, I decided to sit there, quietly, with dignity, while I tried to get back my grip on the world. Breathe. In, out, in out. Just keep breathing.

"Bella?"

His voice was a croak.

"You had sex with her, then?" My voice was flat.

He groaned again and without looking directly at him I could see he'd buried his head in his hands.

"I, sort of, well, ... not exactly."

"What does that mean? Not exactly?" My voice was hard and sharp now. I knew I was torturing him further, but I had to know the truth. What did _not exactly_ mean?

"It was all ... very awkward. We didn't undress. Lucy lifted her skirts, somehow she'd already undone most of the buttons on my trousers. There was lots of fumbling."

His head hung down, his fists were clenched in tight balls on his knees.

"Things had barely progressed when Lucy suddenly stiffened and cried out. She told me to stop, it was hurting her. _I_ was hurting her." He shuddered at the memory.

"Of course I stopped immediately. I asked if she was alright and she told me yes. She was crying a little and I didn't know what to do. Then she started giggling, said perhaps she wasn't ready after all. She hadn't realised it would hurt so much. Then she adjusted her skirts and retrieved the key. She handed it to me and while I hurried to unlock the door she asked me not to mention it to anyone. I assured her I wouldn't." He let out another deep breath. "I was out of that room and down the stairs faster than any vampire. I decided that night that I couldn't go through with the marriage. I knew it would be wrong to marry Lucy."

It was quiet between us for a long time. My mind, strangely, had gone blank. Like it couldn't process what I'd heard. Absently I started fiddling with my ring, sliding it on and off my finger. Edward's hand reached out and took mine, softly.

"No Bella, please don't take it off," he whispered.

I shook myself, hadn't realised that was how he'd interpreted the action.

"I'm not leaving you, Edward," I said softly. "But I just need to get used to all this."

I took a deep breath. I needed to be clear in what I said. Of course I still loved him, that would never change, but this was pretty huge.

"I can understand what you've told me. Obviously it was years before I was even born. But that first day together, when you asked me about my experiences, well, I was expecting you to have had some. But you implied that you hadn't. And again, that night we made our deal, when you asked me to marry you, you told me your virtue was all you had left. That you were as pure as I was in that respect." I could feel the anger building. I took a deep, deep breath. "You let me believe that there had never been anyone else. You lied to me Edward and that has hurt me much more than the truth ever could."

Tears should have been streaming down his face. His shoulders shook.

"I suppose to me it _was_ the truth,"he whispered. "When you came into my life Bella, you blinded me to everything that had come before. I could barely remember my own name when I met you. And I meant it when I said I hadn't thought of Lucy since I was turned. My friendship with her didn't even register in mind as a vampire." He paused. "In reality, Bella, there never has been anyone but you."

I was quiet, so he kept talking.

"I didn't love Lucy. I didn't even feel lust for her. I hadn't thought of her in eighty years. What happened was a purely physical response to her touching me. In truth, I can barely believe I did what I did." He shuddered before he spoke again.

"You told me that love and lust went together for you, and I told you that it was the same for me. And that's true. And when we made our deal, I wasn't thinking of what happened with Lucy. In my mind, that wouldn't have counted. And I think, as the attempt had been so unsuccessful, we were both, technically, still virgins. In my heart, it wasn't a lie."

I nodded. I could see how he would think that.

"Did you end the engagement then?"

"I tried. I went to discuss it with my father the next day, but he was caught up with business. The following day he fell ill with the influenza. My mother and I fell ill soon after."

"And what happened to Lucy?"

"As soon as the epidemic struck her parents moved away to New York. After I was turned Carlile helped me sort out my affairs so I could inherit my parents' estate and he learned that Lucy had been married to a lawyer in New York only two months after I fell ill. I let that human memory go and never thought about her again."

I nodded and let out a deep breath I hadn't even realised I was holding.

"Is there anything else I should know, Edward?"

"Yes,"

His immediate reply came as a shock. I stared at him, my mouth hanging open. What more could there be?

"What," I mouthed, feeling the panic again. He didn't pause, he said it straight out, like if he didn't say it now, he never would.

"In February 1919, Lucy Catterall bore my son."

Everything was going dark. I felt myself swaying where I sat on the log. Any second now I was going to lose consciousness and fall face first into the dirt. Except Edward would catch me. Edward would never let me be hurt. Not physically anyway. There was silence all around. I took a very deep breath and squared my shoulders. Carefully I stood up. I could see Edward was readying himself to catch me, should I fall or faint. I felt like I'd received a hard blow to my chest. As if my heart was actually, physically bruised.

"Liar," my voice was quiet but so hard.

"No" I've told you everything, Bella." He scrambled to his feet, the most ungraceful I'd ever seen him.

"You said barely anything happened. That ... _she_... was still a virgin. That you _both_ were""

"That's right," his voice was choked. "I didn't know what I was doing, neither did she. It was beyond embarrassing."

"Well clearly _something_ worked, Edward, because she had your _child_""

"Bella ..."

I began advancing on him and he was backing away. I was actually surprised when he stumbled and fell backwards over the fallen tree stump. He lay on his back in the dirt, legs over the log, looking at me, his expression tortured.

I stood over him, breathing hard.

"So explain how Lucy got pregnant if nothing really happened." I snapped.

Edward's words were hurried.

"Remember the sex education classes in sophmore year?"

"What? Yes, but ... " and it came back to me. The embarrassing lessons that seemed to drag on for so long. Mrs Dalton explaining about contraception and the unreliability of the withdrawal method. How full penetration wasn't necessary for pregnancy to occur. How sperm could leak out without a guy having to 'finish', so to speak. How hundreds of virgins gave birth to babies each year.

"Oh. So you're saying it was like that. You didn't, um, ... finish."

From his spot on the ground Edward shook his head. "Barely started." he said quietly.

I nodded, the edge of my anger dulling, just slightly. Edward sat up, cautiously, then stood and moved towards me. Shame had now joined the fear in his eyes.

"I'm so very sorry, Bella."

He was close, but made no move to touch me. We just stood, facing each other.


	2. Chapter 2: Where Do We Go From Here?

**All things Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended.**

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Edward had fathered a child with someone else.

A surge of jealousy pulsed through me, tearing, powerful and heartbreaking. I'd never really thought about children, especially as it wasn't an option with Edward. But now, knowing that someone else _had_ given him that, I wished it had been _me_. I _wanted_ it to be _me_ and I felt as though Lucy Catterall had stolen something precious and sacred from me.

Tears began to build in my eyes. Tears for the child I wouldn't have, and hadn't even realised I wanted, until now. This was grief and the strength of it surprised me. I wrapped my arms around myself, as though I might break apart. I was wounded.

And then another type of jealousy was gnawing at me, its teeth sinking in deeper and deeper. He'd been that close, that intimate, with her, but he would barely open his lips for me. Somewhere deep at the back of my mind, I could hear the rational argument - he was human then, he didn't know me. But the irrational argument was louder. He had wanted her. He doesn't want me.

I gasped a sharp breath. The jealousy and hurt and grief were like a bush fire raging through my body, burning my soul as it went. I didn't know how to extinguish the flames.

Space. I needed space. And I needed time. And then my breathing hitched again because I realised that the other thing I needed was comfort and my comfort always came from Edward. But not today. I felt as though I'd lost him, like he'd left me all over again. I felt sick.

"I'm going now, Edward. I have to work out ... how I feel about ... this." My voice was surprisingly calm considering the emotions that were burning through me. I closed my eyes hard, scrunching up my face to stop the tears. I didn't look at him as I turned to make my way back to my truck. He said my name once and his voice was agony, but he didn't follow me and for that I was relieved.

My legs were shaking and I concentrated on keeping them moving, one after the other, over the ground. Through the trees I could see my truck and I started to move more quickly. I had to get there before my legs finally gave way. If I collapsed here I knew he'd come to me and I didn't want that. Not right now. The truck was getting closer - I was going to make it.

Suddenly, I realised that he'd expected this. We'd come in my truck, so I could get myself home again without him. We'd stayed close to the truck so I could easily find my way back to it, alone. He'd brought us to a place I'd never been before, and likely wouldn't come again, so it's associations wouldn't intrude on my life. As usual, he'd thought of everything. He had expected me to leave and he was going to let me. His words from just a short while ago echoed in my memory, _I'll be here for as long as you want me._

I turned to look back and my heart caught in my throat.

Edward was on his knees. His body was slumped forward, his face buried in his hands. He was a man awaiting execution.

And then I was furious again. Not just for what he'd told me. I was angry because I couldn't leave. I couldn't walk away even though I wanted to. I raged back into the clearing and was surprised to see that I startled him.

"Edward, how dare you!" His head snapped up and his eyes were wide on mine. I kept yelling.

"I should be furious with you ..."

"Bella, ..."

"Shut up, Edward! I should be furious with you but just one look at you and I can't leave. I just tried to walk away, and I couldn't. How dare you do that to me!"

I was breathing so hard, almost panting with rage. He was still on his knees before me. Eyes tortured, taking everything I threw at him. And then my tears started for real. First a strangled sob in my throat, then the moisture built in my eyes, one small tear tipping over the edge and falling down my cheek. Others followed quickly.. Edward reached for me but I held up my hand for him to stop.

"Don't. Just ... don't." He dropped his hands to his sides and sat back on his heels. Finally I felt my knees begin to give way and I sank down onto the log. "Don't touch me."

The tears were fast-tracking down my cheeks now and the jealous flames still burned deep.

"This is my turn to be mad," I said softly as my body shook with sobs.

Edward sat, still and silent, his face etched with deep, deep pain while I sobbed. We remained that way for some time.

"Bella?" his voice was hesitant, apprehensive. I shook my head. I wasn't ready yet to talk to him. Or was I?

"Why won't you have sex with _me_, Edward?" I looked him square in the eye - it was a challenge. He met my gaze.

"It's an entirely different situation, Bella." He spoke softly.

I tossed my head back.

"You were able to have sex with _her, _Edward. Someone you say you barely knew or cared about. But me ...." I stabbed my finger into my chest. "Me ...the one you say you love, you push away. _Over and over again!_" I shook my head, as if it would clear some of the pain. "I mean, obviously you _can_ ... be... with someone, Edward. Just as long as it's not me!" I spat the last words at him.

He recoiled.

"No, Bella ..."

"Exactly. _No Bella. _That's all I hear. Maybe I should wear long skirts, and giggle, and lock you in my room and hide the key down my ... corset, or whatever it was. Would that work for you?""

The hurt and jealousy and rage were overwhelming me and they brought on a round of wild sobs that I couldn't control, and didn't even try to.

"Bella, please ..." Edward reached out to me again, his voice reflecting his torment. I slapped his hands away.

"No."

He sat back on his heels again and put his face in his hands. "Bella ..." he moaned. He was very still.

I let the sobs come. I couldn't stop. At some point I slid on to the ground, sitting in the dirt, resting my head on the moss of the log while my grief tried to cry itself out. After a long while my tears began to quiet and subside. My throat was rough and my eyes stung. There were crescent marks on my palms from where I'd dug my nails in. I hadn't even felt it. The jealousy and hurt which had clouded my heart and mind started to clear, the fire losing strength just a little. Maybe I was just too exhausted to feel anything anymore - I didn't know. I closed my eyes.

"You gave her a part of you that should have been mine," I whispered. "Mine."

And then I let out a long breath.

"I _am_ yours, Bella."

I felt his cold fingers touch my hand, so gently.

"No," I said quietly.

Instantly, his fingers stopped. I opened my eyes. Edward was gone.

I lifted my head and watched him storm across the clearing, towards a collection of boulders gathered at the edge of the trees. He was growling, I could hear him, and his hands were balled into tight fists at his sides. I watched as he stopped at the nearest of the boulders. He stood, legs braced wide, drew back his arm and then slammed his fist into the rock. There was a deafening crack and a gash opened wide in the granite surface. Edward pulled his hand back and smashed it into the rock again. And again. And again. The force behind each strike was obvious as the rock cracked and crumbled under his strength. Through his shirt I could see the muscles of his back and shoulders as they contracted and tensed with every slam of his fist. Another growl, another strike. Again. Again. Again.

A moment later there was silence, the boulder just rubble on the ground. He stood, head bowed and eyes closed, breathing hard. His chest was heaving as his hands clenched and unclenched, over and over, at his sides.

I stood up. I'd never seen Edward lose control like this, so angry, and it was chilling. A shiver of shock flashed through me and following it the beginnings of a realisation - I started to see just how much pain he was in, too.

His jaw was hard, his eyes burning, as he turned to face me, slowly.

"I _am_ yours, Bella." The emotion in his voice, in his eyes, made my breath catch. "With _everything_ that I am, I am_ yours_." He walked back across the clearing and stood in front of me. His eyes were on mine, burning into me. "Until time stops, until I cease to exist. I. Am. Yours."

I felt some more of the jealousy and hurt fall away. I sighed and rubbed at my eyes. They were swollen, the lids actually felt soggy.

I didn't want to say anything, my throat hurt too much, but after a long moment of such intensity I needed to break the silence.

"You're sure this child was yours?" My voice was rough.

He let out a breath and nodded. "As far as I can tell. All the dates match up."

I suppose, being Edward, he would have checked that out very thoroughly before telling me.

"And Carlisle knows, obviously." Another nod.

"The rest of your family?"

"Carlisle offered to tell them himself when he got home. They would know by now."

I sat back on the log.

"So all that stuff in sex ed wasn't just scare tactics." I gave a laugh and was surprised by how harsh it sounded.

Edward shoved his hands deep in his pockets and shook his head slowly. "I spoke to Carlisle as soon as I found out. I knew such things could happen, but Carlisle confirmed it was entirely possible." Tentatively, he sank down on the tree beside me.

I didn't look at him, focussing instead on a bug struggling to make its way over a knot in the wood. Why didn't it just go around instead? Stupid bug.

"So, this was the part of your human time you needed to tell me about?"

"Yes."

I rubbed my face with my arm.

"Is this the worst of your news, then?"

"I think so," his voice was so quiet, nervous. And then a thought occurred to me.

"Is he still alive ... your son?"

"Yes, he is."

I sucked in a deep breath. There it was, another kick in the guts. There was evidence of that night with Lucy. Living proof that Edward had been with someone else. My head spun and I did some very quick mental maths to distract the image of them together. "He's eighty seven?"

Edward nodded.

"What's his name?"

"George Rigby."

I swallowed, hard. George.

And then another thought dawned on me and I had to fight back the jealousy that surged through me again.

"So there's a whole dynasty of yours out there somewhere?" I tried out a laugh. It didn't work.

He hesitated. "I ... I don't know."

That surprised me. I thought he would have investigated the whole thing by now.

"Why don't you know?"

He knelt down in front of me again, his eyes locked on mine. His expression hard, his jaw clenched, like he was preparing for a huge impact.

"That's what I'd like to talk to you about. I have_ some_ information, but not everything. I didn't want to go any further with the matter, until I'd spoken to you. This involves us both, Bella. At least, I hope it does."

His face was imploring. His long fingers were splayed across his legs, digging into his thighs. I looked deeply and I could see the truth and love in his eyes. He was still the man I loved. Still my Edward. And he was scared. He hadn't cheated on me. The circumstances were less than romantic, and, it was a very long time ago. I believed him when he said he hadn't kept that particular human memory. I knew he loved me. I knew he wanted me, like I wanted him. I could see it all there.

And I knew what my world would be without him. I took a deep breath.

"It does," I said simply and held out my hand to him. The hand that wore his ring.

Edward's head fell back and a moan of relief escaped him. He dropped his head forward again as he reached out and very gently took my offered hand.

"I'm so sorry, Bella. There are no words ... I won't ask your forgiveness, I just hope ... ," he stopped when I shook my head.

"There's not really anything to forgive, is there Edward? Not _really_." My voice sounded so weary. "It's not like you cheated on me."

"No. That would _never_ happen." His words were fierce.

"I know." I stroked my thumb over his wrist. "I know that. I just _feel_ cheated." His eyes fell and I saw him shudder. "Not by you, just by the circumstances, I guess."

I wiped at my eyes. Would they ever feel normal again? Would I?

"And I know you didn't remember about ... Lucy." Her name stuck for a moment in my throat. "I believe that." I sighed. "I believe _you_."

He looked at me then and the pain was still evident in his eyes. I smiled and reached out to stroke his cheek. He nuzzled his face into my palm.

"I love you, Bella," he whispered.

"I know."

He took a deep breath and rose from his knees, coming to sit beside me on the log. Although he kept hold of my hand he left some space between us. I didn't move to close it. I was over the worst but I was still raw. Around us the life of the forest went on. I could hear birds and the wind occasionally stirred at the leaves on the ground. All as if nothing had happened. As if this was just a normal day.

"What happens now?" I asked after a moment.

Edward swallowed before answering. "That all depends," he said softly but didn't elaborate. I put my free hand under his chin and tilted his head to look at me. His eyes were black.

"I think you should hunt. Today."

He shook his head. "No. Not now ..."

"Actually Edward, I think it would be best if you _did _go now." He was startled.

"I meant just for a few hours. You need to hunt, Edward. Things always seem worse on an empty stomach, you know." One corner of his mouth twitched slightly.

"Will you come back to the house and wait for me there?" he asked but I shook my head.

"No. I think I'd like to go back to Charlie's. You know, just be by myself for a while." He looked back at the ground and scuffed his feet in the dirt. I squeezed his hand.

"It's been a shock, Edward. For both of us I know, but you've had three days to get your head around this. I'm going to need some time."

His lips pulled tight. "Of course. I understand."

I kept stroking his wrist with my thumb.

"Maybe you could come over tomorrow?"

He smiled slightly and his eyes seemed just a little more peaceful when he looked at me.

"I'd like that. Thank you_.__"_

* * *

I was glad Charlie wouldn't be back until late. Not that he was big on conversation, but I just wanted to be by myself. I sat on my bed and looked around my room. It was all the same, but somehow not. Edward has a son. I curled up with my pillow. It would always be between us now. This part of his past had entered our present and it would always be there. Ugh. Would I imagine them together every time we kissed? Would the memory be there on our wedding night? Would he make comparisons? I pulled the pillow over my head and drummed my feet on the mattress.

How did other people deal with their fiancee's ex? I wondered if I should talk to someone about it, but my options were limited to ... zero. Jacob was the only person I'd be able to vent to, without having to hide the vampire factor, but he was avoiding me somewhere in the wilds of Canada. Like it always did, my heart gave a little twist at the memory of the last time we talked. Then I imagined what he'd say about this latest development and maybe it was better that he wasn't here to talk to after all.

Maybe I could call Angela. I could just tell her that it turns out Edward had a girlfriend before me - how should I handle it? But I knew I wouldn't call. I wasn't the sort of person that sought outside help or opinion with my problems. I turned them in on myself and worked them out alone.

Suddenly the house was too quiet, too still. I had to get out. I grabbed my bag, climbed into my truck and headed out of town.

Just over an hour later I was in Port Angeles and already the change of scenery was helping. Away from Forks, away from Edward, I was able to think more clearly. I wandered down towards the harbour and found a place where I could just sit and look at the boats.

At first I didn't let myself think about Edward. Or Lucy. Instead I focused on the water, the seagulls and the feeble ray of sunlight which was trying to break through the cloud cover. The boats, rocking up and down gently on the water. The dog barking near the wharf. Families playing in the park nearby. Families. Children. Edward's child. And I was back to the start again.

I let out a sigh and rubbed my fingers on my aching temples. Why couldn't Edward just change me now, and then _I_ could forget this human memory.

I wrapped my arms around my chest and hugged myself, trying to ease some of the pain that sat there. It had been such a huge shock. We'd been so caught up in our own little bubble for so long, believing that there had never been anyone else but each other. Now our bubble had burst.

We were due to be married in six weeks. I didn't know if I could do it. I didn't think I could stand up and pledge myself to him with the memory of Lucy hovering in between us. What if his human memory was flawed? What if there had been more between them than he remembered - or was willing to tell me. Six weeks was too soon. There was too much to get through.

I just wanted this to all be over. To be through it. To have dealt with it all and come out the other side again. I wanted to be on that other side" I gave a laugh, thinking suddenly of the old chicken crossing the road joke. _Why did Edward and Bella have a fight? To get to the other side__"_ And if we were going to get to the other side, first we had to start crossing the road.

And then I felt calmer. We were going to get through this, we just had to make the start.

* * *

I arrived back in Forks around dinner time. Charlie was home from fishing and we ate a quiet meal and then, while he settled down in front of the flat screen, I went upstairs to study early 20th century etiquette.

I'd spent some calming hours that afternoon in one of Port Angeles'bookshops and in the second-hand section one particular book caught my eye. Its pages were dog-eard and its cover well-worn but the title was printed strong and clear; _The Habits of Good Society: A Guide to Manners and Etiquette for Young Ladies and Gentlemen._ It had been printed in 1912. I thought it might give me some insight into Edward's human years.

Over the next few hours I learned that it was rude to remove gloves during a visit. An unmarried lady and gentleman should never be in a room along together. A married couple must never display any sort of affection in a public place. Ladies and gentlemen were not permitted to dance together unless they were introduced to each other by a third party Meekness and modesty were considered a woman's greatest virtue. A gentleman could delicately kiss a lady's hand, the forehead, or at most, the cheek. A lady should never allow herself to be kissed on the lips or handled in any way by a gentleman who was not her husband. A gentleman must not sit next to a lady who is a stranger to him. Gloves must be worn at all times while dancing to avoid contact of the skin.

The list went on. The rules were strict and unforgiving and it would have been ingrained in Edward's upbringing. Lucy's behaviour must have been such a shock to him, but his own behaviour even more so, to think he had so thoroughly crossed the lines of social propriety and potentially damaged a young woman's reputation. I felt a surge of pain wash through me. Not for me this time, but for Edward. I wondered if his self-loathing had started _before_ he was a vampire

Suddenly, I wanted to see him. I wanted to start crossing the road. The clock told me it was 12.03am. Too late to drive out to him, Charlie would hear the truck and wonder what was going on. But it wasn't too late for him to come to me. I grabbed my phone and dialled. It only rang once.

"Bella," I could hear relief strong in his voice.

"Um, hi," I felt awkward suddenly.

"It's late. Is something wrong?"

"No. I just ... well, earlier, when we said goodbye in the clearing ..."

"Yes?"

"You agreed to come over tomorrow."

Silence.

I swallowed and looked at the clock again. 12:04am. "Well, it's tomorrow, Edward..."

His phone clicked off. I leaned back against my pillow, surprised. What just happened, were we cut off? Did he hang up on me? Slowly I reached over and put the phone back on the bedside table. Maybe he didn't want to see me yet.

At 12:06am Edward came through my bedroom window. His hair was windblown from running and even in the dim light from my bedside lamp I could see his eyes were now a soft golden colour.

"Bella?" he spoke softly, his expression wary. I smiled up at him from where I sat on the bed.

"Are you alright?" he asked pointedly and I knew what was loaded into that simple question. I held out my hand.

"I will be, Edward." One side of his mouth curved up in a smile and hesitantly he took my hand. "I'm better than I was this morning."

He raised his eyebrows and nodded slightly to the bed, asking permission to sit beside me. I moved over and he lowered himself next to me.

"Good hunting?" I asked, casually.

"Not bad." He pulled his fingers through his hair. "Bella, I'm sor ..."

I cut him off quickly. "No Edward, no more apologies, please. If we're going to work through this we have to get past that. I know you're sorry." He hung his head and I knew he wanted to say it again.

"But I also know that you love me. And I know that I love you." His head snapped up and there was such tenderness and hope in his eyes when he looked at me. I felt my heart skip just a little. "And that's the most important thing, isn't it?"

"Yes," he whispered.

"So, lets forget the apologies and move on." I took a breath after my little speech. Edward was looking at me intently.

"I just want to be clear what you mean exactly, by 'moving on'," he said slowly.

I bit my lip and then jumped in, boots and all.

"I think we should find out why George is looking for you."

He took a slow breath and let it out between his teeth. "You're sure?" he asked.

My turn for a slow breath. "Yes, I'm sure. Where do we start?"

Edward gave a shrug.

"I have some papers the lawyers gave me. I've not looked through them all yet, I was waiting to ..." he hesitated. " I suppose we could start there."

I nodded. "Okay, we'll start there. Tomorrow." His hand squeezed mine. "I'll be honest, Edward. This won't be easy. I still ... hurt." He opened his mouth and I held up my hand to stop him. "But I _want_ to work through this with you." I squeezed his hand back and then yawned as a wave of heavy tiredness hit me. After the most draining day of my life, my body was finally telling me to stop and now, suddenly, I could barely keep my eyes open.

Immediately, Edward stood up.

"You're tired. I'll go now," he turned to the window. I hesitated briefly and almost asked him to stay. But no, not yet. It was too soon. I wouldn't be able to lie with him in my bed without wondering if he'd laid that way with Lucy.

"Will I see you in the morning, then?" I asked instead.

"Yes, if you wish," he gave me a sad smile.

"I wish."

* * *

I woke with a headache and my eyes felt thick and sticky. The memory of the day before flooded back and a heavy knot settled in my stomach. A few tears leaked from my eyes and the salt stung.

I showered, dressed and grabbed some toast and cereal before Edward arrived as promised. Despite the knot inside me I found myself smiling when I opened the door and saw him there. I was sure we would be alright, eventually.

"Good morning," he said matching my smile but he didn't move to kiss me as he normally would. Somehow he seemed even more unsure of himself than yesterday. His eyes were still anxious.

"Hi." I reached up and gave him a peck on the cheek. I saw his hands reach for me, but then he stopped and shoved them in his pockets instead.

"So, are you ready?" I asked.

"For what?"

I took a deep breath. "Well, I thought we could go through those papers you spoke about last night." I swallowed hard. I'd worked very hard to keep my voice even and trying to remember why I thought this was a good idea in the first place.

Edward watched my face carefully. "Bella, I am more grateful than you could know, that you are willing to go through this with me," he smiled crookedly, "but it doesn't have to be today.."

I swallowed and then squared my shoulders.

"No, let's do it now." I moved past him, through the door and out to the Volvo.

The Cullen house was quiet when we arrived.

"No-one's home," Edward explained as we entered through the wide front doors. "Carlile thought it might make things easier for us if we had the house to ourselves. No interruptions."

"Very thoughtful," I said as we headed up the stairs.

"Although I don't how much longer I can keep Alice away. She's desperate to see you but, she also realises that you ... we ... need space."

I was curious now. "How have the rest of your family reacted?"

He let out a sharp breath as we entered his room.

"Well, all shocked, understandably. Alice has been supportive, and Esme. Emmett has been, well, Emmett - you can imagine. He's trying to be supportive but honestly, if he gives me another hearty clap on the back I'll rip his arm off." He shook his head.

"Jasper has been quietly understanding. Rosalie ... has been vocal."

"Vocal?" I went to sit on the bed while he still stood in the doorway.

"You know her maternal instincts are still very strong? Well, she's having trouble dealing with the idea that ..." he trailed off.

"I get it," I said, saving him from having to spell it out. We were silent for a moment, he was still in the doorway.

"Well, shall we start? Before they come back?" I sounded more willing than I felt.

Edward nodded and walked over to his desk. He opened a drawer and pulled out a large white envelope. He came over and smoothly climbed onto the bed, folding his legs beneath him. His long fingers pulled at the envelope's flap and it opened.

"Edward, stop." His head snapped around to look at me and his hands froze on the envelope.

"Not on your bed. I don't think I can ... I mean, I don't think I want to be on your bed while we're discussing Lucy. Can we sit on the couch?"

"Of course," he moved quickly to the black leather couch which was shoved up against the bookshelves and I joined him there.

Edward opened the envelope and pulled out a sheaf of documents, spreading them out on the couch between us.

There was the email he had received last Wednesday, advising him that George Rigby was searching for descendants of his father, Edward Anthony Masen, who had been engaged to Lucy Catterall in 1918. There was a copy of George Rigby's birth certificate, naming a Jonathan Rigby as his father. The date was 2 February 1919. There was a copy of Edward's birth certificate, which was interesting. And a copy of Lucy's - which was not. I glossed straight over that one. There was also a copy of Lucy's marriage certificate to Jonathan Rigby, dated 31 August 1918.

Even though they were just copies Edward handled them delicately. I touched nothing.

Then I saw it. A photocopy of the engagement notice, taken from archived newspapers in the Chicago library.

_**Engagement**_

_Ellen and Albert Catterall announce the engagement of their younger daughter,_

_Lucy Ellen_

_to Edward Anthony Masen,_

_only son of Elizabeth and Edward Masen Sr._

It was there in black and white. I thought I was going to be sick.

"Bella?" Edward's voice sounded a long way away. "Bella, we can stop." He started shoving the papers back into the envelope roughly. I gulped a breath and put my hand on his.

"It's okay, Edward."

"No," he shook his head and moved to put the envelope back in the desk.

"Edward," he stopped and looked at me. I knew the pain in his eyes matched my own. "It won't get better if we just ignore it."

Slowly he sat back down. Very slowly he placed a gentle, barely-there kiss on my forehead.

"You are the strongest person I know," he said softly.

Next he pulled out a smaller envelope. Inside was a type-written letter.

_Dear Mr Masen,_

_This letter is bound to come as a surprise to you. Please let me state from the outset that we wish to make no claims upon you or any members of your family._

_I am writing on behalf of my grandfather, George Rigby. He is trying to trace any remaining family of Edward Anthony Masen who was born in Chicago in 1901._

_My grandfather believes that his birth may have been the result of a brief engagement between his mother, Lucy Catterall Rigby, and Edward Masen in May 1918. I enclose documents which we believe support this._

_My grandfather is now 87 and in poor health. His only wish is to find someone of Edward Masen's family and hopefully learn a little about the father he never knew._

_Any help or information you could give him would be greatly appreciated._

_Yours sincerely,_

_Rebecca Rigby_

Edward was completely still, I didn't think he was even breathing. Then I noticed that his hands were shaking, very slightly.

The knot in my stomach tightened, but this wasn't as bad as seeing the engagement notice. I had prepared myself for grandchildren.

"You have a great-granddaughter," I whispered, trying to keep the quiver out of my voice.

"Yes," his whisper was even lower than mine.

Silence.

"So now we know exactly who, and why, I guess."

"Yes."

"Are you okay?" I asked. I wanted to ask him what he was going to do about it, but it was too soon. I knew any response to Rebecca Masen would take a lot of consideration. Apart from anything else, he couldn't risk exposing what he was.

He didn't respond at first and then very slowly he nodded his head. I reached out for his hand and gave it a squeeze. He squeezed back. We were quiet for a while, absorbing this new information.

"Is there anything else in there?" I pointed at the envelope.

He exhaled sharply.

"Just this." He tipped up the envelope and out spilled a small, leather bound book. The word _Diary_ was spelled out in gold letters on the front. I couldn't take my eyes off it.

"Is that ... " I couldn't finish.

"Lucy's diary. Yes."

"Oh." That stomach knot just tightened. "It's original. I'm surprised they didn't send a copy."

"I'm not supposed to have it. It was left in trust with the lawyers for me to look at in their offices only. But Carlile persuaded them to let me bring it away with me." He gave a very small smile. I could imagine Carlile dazzling some junior partner.

Neither of us moved to open the small book. It sat there, like a grenade with the pin pulled.

"Have you ..."

"No, I've not read it. Until now I'd only looked at the birth and marriage certificates." He paused. "I don't know if I can."

I understood what was going through his mind. "You're worried you might discover things about yourself you don't want to know."

He looked at me with relief and nodded. "I'm scared, Bella. What if ... " he started speaking so quickly I had to concentrate to keep up. "What if it's not how I remember it? What if ... what if it was me that initiated it? What if I just ... ," He grabbed his head with his hands.

I moved across to him and put my arms around his shoulders. He became very still.

"I know you didn't, Edward. That's not you," I said softly. "You would never ..."

He sat up suddenly, surprising me with the swiftness of his movement. He reached out and picked up the small book. Slowly he opened it and we began to read.


	3. Chapter 3: Lucy's Diary

**All things Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended.**

* * *

The diary started in January 1918. At first most of the entries in Lucy's delicate, faded script were bland ramblings about dresses and gossip and parties and I agreed with Edward's assessment that she didn't have much depth. We waded silently through the drabble, thankfully she didn't write every day, and Edward had not been mentioned at all until we came to April 3rd. I tensed as I read the first line. Then I saw the pages had started to shake slightly and I realised Edward's hands were trembling. He was scared. He needed support. He needed me.

Gently I took the book out of his hands and laid it on the couch beside him. He looked up at me, surprised.

"Bella?"

"Ssh." Carefully, so I didn't fumble and spoil the moment, I climbed into his lap and held his beautiful face between my hands. I wanted him to know that, regardless of what the diary told us, I did love him.

"Together," I said, looking into his eyes. They softened, losing some of their anxiety, and a quiet sigh escaped his lips. Gently, he leant forward so our foreheads were touching. His eyes closed as he turned his face to kiss the palm of my hand and his lips breathed a quiet 'thank you'.

After a moment I dropped my hands slowly and shifted so I was sitting comfortably in the space between his legs with my back against his chest. He seemed a little surprised.

"Ready?" I asked, twisting my head around to look at him. He give a quick nod and I picked up the diary as he gently wrapped his arms around me and held on.

_April 3, 1918_

_Father is arranging my engagement to Edward Masen. He and Mama told me this morning. The Masen's are very wealthy, like us, so it will be a good match. Edward is young, but he will work in his father's office while he studies law at university. Father says he will purchase a house for us as a wedding present._

_I am so excited. For a while I thought I would be the only one of my friends who was not getting married. I know Father had also been considering Benjamin Grey, but his family is not as wealthy as the Masens. Besides, Benjamin has piggy little eyes and Edward is very handsome - even if he doesn't say much. In fact, so many girls admire Edward, I'm sure everyone will be jealous of me as soon as the engagement is announced. Harriet Stanley in partcular. She's always talking about him and flirts whenever she sees him, but he never pays her any attention. He never pays anyone any attention, now that I think about it._

_It will be a huge wedding, bigger than Charlotte Barry and James Parker had. I can't wait to tell Caroline Markham. She's talked about nothing but her own wedding ever since she became engaged last month. She's getting married in September - perhaps Edward and I could get married before then, that would certainly stop her gloating!_

_I can't wait to tell Maryanne but Father says we have to wait until a few more details are worked out - like the date._

The entry went on in detail about her wedding plans, dress, cake, flowers, and how relieved she was to be getting married at last.

"She seemed more interested in the wedding than she did in you," I said softly.

I felt Edward nod behind me. "She would have been. I was just a suitable match. The world was starting to change, but finding a suitable husband and getting married was still the ultimate goal for a lot of women at that time. It cemented their social standing."

I shook my head as I turned the page. I didn't get it.

_April 5, 1918_

_Edward is being difficult. He thinks he's too young to marry and wants to go to war instead. I hope his parents won't allow it - it could get in the way of the wedding. Father and Mr Masen are trying to come to an agreement._

_I heard them talking in the dining room this afternoon. Apparently Mr Masen is insisting that Edward's wishes be considered just as fully as mine._

_April 10, 1918_

_Bad news. Edward will have his way and go to war. He could be gone for months, maybe years! __My friends will be having their second babies before I get married! __I asked Father if it was too late to reconsider Benjamin Grey - I know he's not as wealthy but at least we could be married sooner - but he said no._

_But at least I have the ring now. Edward's father sent it over this morning. It's a large pearl surrounded by lots of smaller ones. And this means I can tell people! __In fact, I told Julia Wilkes this morning when we met in the park. I must say I was disappointed in her reaction, though. The first thing she asked wasn't what my dress would be like or where we would live, but whether I loved him! __I noticed her gloves were fraying at the edge._

_At least Maryanne was excited for me. She understands the importance of a good match. I hope Edward isn't injured while he's away. I would hate to marry someone who was missing an eye or an arm or a leg. Surely Father wouldn't make me._

I made a gagging sound.

"Bella?" Edward moved his face to look at me.

"Not the compassionate type, was she?"

"No," he agreed, and his arms tightened around me just a little.

_April 17, 1918_

_The Masen's dined with us tonight. Our families thought Edward and I should spend more time together. I don't see the point really, if he's going to go away. He tried to talk to me about books but I don't much like reading. I showed him the needlepoint I am working on and he was polite and smiled but I don't think he was really interested. It will be different after the wedding, though, I'm sure. He will have to be interested then._

_After dinner we were all in the parlor and Mama asked Edward if he would play the piano. Edward asked me if there was a particular piece of music I'd like him to play for me, which was kind. But I told him to choose for himself because I'd rather dance to music than listen to it. I thought he would laugh, but instead he frowned and turned back to the keys._

_Mrs Masen was very quiet all evening, and did not compliment me on my dress, even though it was new and suited me very well. But she managed to smile when Edward began to play._

_April 23, 1918_

_Edward came to call today. He is so formal. He kissed my hand even though he knows he may kiss my cheek now. I suggested we walk in the park. I knew Harriet Stanley would be there and I wanted her to see us together. Her face was like a thunderstorm when she saw us, though she tried to hide it. I linked my arm through Edward's and smiled at her but she didn't smile back which was very rude._

_Edward didn't say very much and I did most of the talking. He would just smile, or nod and make occasional comments. I asked him why he wanted to go to war and wouldn't he rather stay and marry me. He said something about the world and experiencing ... what was it? Something I can't remember now. I wasn't really listening._

_I tried to talk about the wedding and what flowers we should have and what food should be served. I hoped that might excite his interest and make him change his mind, but no. His face went quite blank and he said wasn't it too soon to start thinking of all that._

_The walk was becoming dull so I thought I would tease him. I told him I didn't like his hat and then I started to laugh and run away. I expected him to laugh too, and chase after me for the insult, but he just smiled and said he was sorry if his hat offended me._

The image of Edward walking arm in arm with Lucy twisted my heart, but gradually, my jealousy was starting to fade a little, being replaced with a contempt for Lucy that was growing stronger by the minute.

_May 1, 1918_

_The engagement dinner is this evening. I'm so excited. I'm wearing a gown of pale pink with silk roses around the shoulders. We're having oysters for entree and chicken for main course. Mama and I have arranged flowers all around the room and on the tables. My ring looks lovely with my dress. It's a pity I won't get the wedding band for so long, although I have a plan that might change that. It's a great secret. Maryanne has suggested that I could get Edward to stay, and get married now, if I had his baby! __So, tonight during the party, when everyone will be busy, I have to get Edward alone and ...._

_Then he couldn't go to war and we could get married straight away! __Even sooner than expected! __Definitely sooner than Caroline Markham! __I don't think it will be easy, though. Edward is very proper. I must remember to lock the door and Maryanne has told me all the ways to convince him. The things to say and how and where to touch him. It worked for her with Charles and they were married only six weeks later! __I must admit, I am quite nervous about it - it doesn't sound like the most appealing of activities. Maryanne said it will probably be quick, but it's messy and uncomfortable and I should expect him to be noisy. I shall just keep thinking about the wedding while it's all happening. I suppose it might be easier if I loved Edward, but never mind. At least he is very handsome._

"Oh, Edward." I stared at the spidery writing. She'd _planned_ to get pregnant! I tried to turn to look at him but his arms had become rigid around me and I couldn't move. I knew at that moment there was probably nothing I could say that would help, so I stayed quiet. I could feel the tension in his body so I took one hand from the book and began to stroke his arm. Slowly, I felt him relax a little, enough that I could turn around to see his face.

His eyes were dark and his jaw hard.

"She used me." His voice was almost a hiss.

I reached up to stroke his face gently and he closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

"I was quite sure she didn't love me," he exhaled slowly. "But I'd been thinking that her advances must have come from some sort of affection or regard." He rubbed a hand over his face, roughly. "I've been thinking myself a monster for taking advantage of her feelings when I knew I didn't return them."

We just sat for a while, digesting this new piece of information. Lucy wasn't the rival I'd been tormenting myself with. She hadn't loved Edward at all. Lucy had been mercenary, calculating and manipulative. I felt disgusted.

After a moment I felt some of the tension ease from Edward's body and I looked at him. His eyes were still dark.

"Alright?" I asked. It was a few seconds but then he gave a sharp nod.

"Ready to turn the page?"

He hesitated then, screwing up his face in uncertainty. "Er ... Bella, do you really... are you sure you want to keep reading with me? You don't have to."

I knew what he was getting at. He would be able to hear my heart pounding - heck, _I _could hear it.

"It's okay, Edward. Really." I had said I'd go through this with him and I would.

He still didn't seem comfortable. He put his head to one side and closed his eyes. "What I mean is ... I can't be certain what's been written, but if it's what I'm expecting ... I don't know if_ I_ _want _you to read it."

"Oh." My heart rate went up another notch. "Um, why? Is there something else you haven't told me?"

"No! No, I've told you everything that I remember. I have."

"Then what?"

He spoke softly. "I just don't think it would be very ... nice ... for you to read about _me_ ... like that." I could see shame and embarrassment in his face.

Yesterday morning I would have agreed with him. I wouldn't have wanted to read it. But now, I felt differently. I knew it would be difficult, but it would be okay.

"Together, remember?" I said firmly and smiled at him. He smiled back shyly and his eyes warmed a little. He tightened his arms around me and kissed my forehead. I took one of my hands and entwined my fingers through his, and then I turned the page.

_May 2, 1918_

_I don't think it was a good idea after all. Edward took a lot of convincing, I almost gave up. He kept pushing me away and wouldn't kiss me. I ran my hands over his chest and the back of his neck and rubbed myself against him, like Maryanne told me, but he kept trying to push past me. He was worried about my reputation. He demanded the key. I pretended to drop it on the floor and when I bent down I touched him between his legs, like Maryanne said. He almost jumped through the ceiling! __He jerked away from me and his knee caught me under the chin, knocking me backwards. Of course, straight away he was worried that he'd hurt me and he helped me to sit on the bed. It didn't really hurt much at all, but I pretended to cry and eventually he sat on the bed next to me. He kept apologising. After a short time I leaned into him a bit and said I was sorry. He put his arm on my shoulder and I reached up to kiss him on the cheek. He seemed wary, but he allowed it, and then I took a chance. I pushed him hard in the chest and he fell back on the bed. It took him by surprise and he hit the side of his head on the iron bed post. He fell back on the pillows, I think he was a bit dazed. I took the chance and touched him between the legs again and pulled at his fly so fast I think some of the buttons came off. I knew I was supposed to be underneath, but I thought this might be my only chance and hoped that it would work just as well. I climbed on top of him quickly. Maryanne had suggested I leave off my bloomers. But once I was on him I didn't really know what to do. So I wriggled and wriggled around on him, hoping something would happen. He looked so shocked, but I just kept moving and that's when he started to join in. At last!__He was clearly still surprised, but he started to move a bit and then I felt him, there. I closed my eyes and thought about the wedding. It was uncomfortable and he was actually very quiet, no sound at all, but after just a few seconds it started to hurt and I panicked. I cried out for him to stop and he did. He moved me and was on the other side of the room before I could even pull my skirts back down. He started apologising over and over. I started to cry because all my plans were ruined but I think he thought I was hurt. I asked him not to tell anyone and I don't think he will. After all, if he gets killed in the war, it will be hard to find another husband if people think I indulge in loose behaviour._

_He left the room to give me privacy while I adjusted my skirts. When I came out he was waiting for me at the foot of the stairs and he escorted me back to the party. His face was very serious._

I realised I'd been digging my fingers into Edward's hand while I read and my knuckles felt sore as I flexed them. I'd been holding my breath too, and now my head had begun to spin. I inhaled quickly. I felt sick and swallowed, trying to push the nausea back down.

The tension had built up in Edward again. His chest had become even more like a rock wall, his arms felt like steel cables.

I was right, it had been difficult to read, but not entirely for the reasons I thought it would be. It was hard reading about Edward like that, there was a burn twisting in my chest, but Lucy's behaviour sickened me. She was vile.

"Edward?" I tried to turn to look at him but he flexed his arms and kept me in place. He didn't speak. "Edward?"

Silence.

"Edward please, I can't move." Instantly he released me. He let go of my hand and dropped his arms. I twisted around to see his face. He wouldn't look at me, his eyes were focused on the glass wall. I put my hand on his cheek - he grimaced but didn't stop me.

"I'm so sorry, Bella."

"No apologies, remember?"

He sighed heavily. "Are you alright?" he asked, finally turning his eyes to mine. His were so sad.

"Oh Edward, she was awful, disgusting. I ... ugh." I tried to find the words to express what I was feeling, but couldn't. I ended up just shaking my head. "Are you okay?"

He shrugged. "It's mostly as I remembered. I'd forgotten about knocking her over or hitting my head." He pulled his hand through his hair. "Although now I understand the motivation behind it, it still doesn't change the fact that what I did was wrong. I should never have allowed myself to be alone with her in the first place." He smiled sadly and tentatively brushed the back of his hand across my cheek. I took his hand in my own and squeezed it.

"It was Lucy who did the wrong thing, Edward. I don't think you had much choice in the matter."

"People always have choices, Bella. I should have walked away."

"You tried to! And you did. You walked away when it counted, Edward. You stopped when she asked you to."

He shook his head and looked back to the glass wall.

"Honestly, do you really think there are many seventeen year old boys who _wouldn't_ give in to the sort of encouragement she gave you?" He didn't move, his eyes still fixed on the window. "I think most would have given in long before you did, Edward. You've read enough minds to know that."

Was I actually trying to make my fiancé feel better about being with someone else? I must really love this man.

"Perhaps," he said, finally. "But it was still wrong. I didn't love her." He leant his head back against the bookshelves behind him, frowning. "It's not who I thought I was. _I'm _not who I thought I was." He closed his eyes and said nothing more. His arms were still loose by his sides. I picked up his hand and held it in my lap, softly stroking the skin on the back, like I did that first day in the meadow. "You're Edward," I said softly. The corner of his mouth flickered briefly in an almost-smile.

After a while I heard him sigh.

"The worst part of all this," his voice was choked, "... is the pain I've caused you."

Suddenly, I felt the tears start at the backs of my eyes and I swallowed hard to try and stop them. I'd been focusing so much on Edward's reactions and feelings that I'd been keeping my own in check. I could feel them starting to surface.

"As soon as I learned about George, my only thoughts were about how to tell you ...," he took a deep breath and exhaled sharply, "... and knowing that I could lose you." His eyes were still closed, his face twisted in pain. "And then yesterday, seeing what it did to you ....what _I_ had done to you ... there simply are no words." He bowed his head, his voice breaking on the last words. "I wanted, _desperately,_ to hold you and comfort you."

The hand resting loosely in mine curled around my fingers and squeezed. A tear escaped my eyes and ran down my cheek.

"It was hard," I whispered. The tear fell and landed on his skin. I wiped it off.

"And yet you've stayed with me," he said. He lifted his head and a look of wonder filled his eyes. "And now, today, you have given me strength and comfort, even though I've hurt you so much. You are stronger than I would have thought possible." A few more tears spilled down onto my hand. Before I could brush them off Edward lifted my hand to his lips and kissed them away. His eyes held mine. "Will you let me hold you?"

His voice was nervous and I knew what he meant - was I ready to open myself to him again? Would I let him give me the comfort that so far I hadn't allowed? My lip began to tremble as I took my hand from his and put my arms around his neck.

"Yes," I said.

His arms were around me then and he pulled me gently against his chest. My face found a place in the crook of his neck as my tears began to fall freely. He had one hand on my back and he rubbed long, soothing strokes, over and over. His other hand was wound in my hair, his fingers moving over my scalp in gentle circles. I didn't cry the wild sobs I had the day before. Now my tears were letting out all the pent up tension and anxiety of the last day and a half. Letting out the anger I felt towards Lucy for using him the way she had and for intruding on our life now.

"Ssh, ssh," he crooned in my ear. His voice was soothing and I could feel myself melting into him. He'd never held _her_ like this. His lips had never touched _hers_. She'd hadn't stirred his heart. He really was _mine_.

Suddenly, I couldn't get close enough and I pressed myself harder against his chest. He seemed to understand and increased the pressure of his hand on my back. My crying continued and his neck was soon slippery with my tears as I clung to him. After a few minutes the tears slowed and I brought my face down to his chest. I nestled my cheek against him and wrapped my arms around his waist. I took a deep, calming breath and was still.

The sun had moved higher in the sky.

"They'll be back soon," he sighed. We'd been sitting, curled up with each other, for some time - I'd lost track of how long. I sat up and wiped my face on my sleeve. I looked at Edward. He smiled and tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. I stroked his face. Then I resumed my reading position between his legs and picked up the diary again.

"We'd better finish, then," I said as I flicked through the pages. Edward put his hand over mine.

"Are you sure you want to keep going?" he asked.

"Well, I imagine we're over the worst now, aren't we?"

He nodded, but his eyebrows had drawn together in a frown. "Lets just get it over with, Edward. Then we'll know everything there is to know and we can move on."

I twisted around and we kept reading.

_May 3, 1918_

_Maryanne says I should try again. I don't think I will._

I gave a snort.

"What?" Edward asked.

"I'm glad she didn't try again. I don't think I could cope." Edward gave me a squeeze and I felt his lips brush against my cheek.

_May 7, 1918_

_We've just heard - Edward's father is sick with the influenza! __I wonder what will happen with the engagement if he dies?_

_May 15, 1918_

_Now Edward and his mother are both sick. His father died yesterday. I know it's very sad but I wonder what's going to happen, now. This could change everything._

I looked up at Edward. He gave a half smile and reached out to turn the page himself.

_May 20, 1918_

_I'm worried. I've missed my time of the month. Surely I couldn't have become pregnant from the little that happened with Edward? Maybe I'm sick._

My heart began to beat a little faster. Edward noticed and started stroking my arm gently with his cool fingers.

_May 21, 1918_

_Father went to the hospital today to enquire after Edward. Mrs Masen died yesterday._

_He spoke to a Dr Cullen who said Edward is very ill and may not recover so Father has released me from the engagement. This will be a problem if I _am_ going to have a baby. _

_May 22, 1918_

_We are moving to New York!__Father is hoping to escape the epidemic. Mama and I are leaving tomorrow on the train and Father will join us in a week. Father's old friend from law __school, Mr Rigby, lives in New York and we will stay with him and his family until we find our own house. Apparently the Rigby's house is very large and very comfortable. They have a son, Jonathan, who works in his father's office. I will miss Maryanne._

_June 10, 1918_

_Father has received news__ from Dr Cullen. Edward survived the influenza but is very weak. As he has no family now, Edward will be in Dr Cullen's care. He is taking Edward away to recuperate._

_June 17, 1918_

_I am going to have a baby - I am quite certain. I have missed my time of the month again, my breasts are sore and I feel sick all the time. This is exactly what happened to Maryanne when she was having little Michael. I'm not sure what to do. Mama is starting to look at me suspiciously. There is no point trying to contact Edward. Jonathan Rigby seems to like me._

I swallowed hard. I felt Edward tense. And then I smiled as we both moved at the same time to rub the other's arm in comfort.

_June 24, 1918_

_Relief!__I am engaged to Jonathan Rigby. Yesterday I managed to have him kiss me in the garden when the Reverend and Mrs Oliver were visiting and I made sure they could see, s__o, of course, he proposed to me. After all, my reputation is very important. He seems quite happy about it. I've asked for the wedding to be very soon - I told Jonathan I can't wait to be his wife._

_June 26, 1918_

_I took myself to Jonathan's bed last night. He was surprised but thankfully he didn't turn me away. __Now there is less chance of him suspecting that the baby is not his when it comes so '_early'.

_And this time it was just like Maryanne described. It was noisy, messy and it hurt. But it was not as quick as I would have liked._

_August 31, 1918_

_I am married. __The wedding was quite small because it was organised in a rush. Thanks to my corset my belly didn't show, although I'm sure my mother realises the truth. We are honeymooning in Europe and will be gone for a long while. I'm hoping I can have the baby there, and that way we can keep the birth a secret for a while. No-one back here has to know the baby's real birth date, do they? No-one needs to see the birth certificate._

_Tomorrow I'll write to Caroline Markham and tell her all the details about my wedding. She will be so jealous. I wish I could be there to see her face!_

It ended there. Obviously as a married woman Lucy was too busy to keep up with her diary.

I closed the book and laid it back on the couch. Edward was silent, his arms still wrapped tightly around me, our fingers entwined..

"So, I guess Lucy succeeded in passing the baby off as Jonathan's son." I stumbled slightly over the word 'baby'. I was feeling a lot stronger about Lucy now, but the whole idea of Edward having a child was still difficult.

"It seems so, yes." Edward's voice was flat. His fingers were softly rubbing against mine.

"So, what do you think you'll do?" I asked, focusing on his thumb as it made a familiar path along the side of my hand and back again. "Now that you know exactly why George is looking for you."

"I think ..." he began and then paused. "I think I will contact my lawyers and ask them to advise Rebecca Rigby that, regretfully, I have no information to pass on." His thumb continued over my hand. I nodded.

"So that's that, then?" I asked. Edward took his hand and put his fingers under my chin, lifting my face so our eyes met.

"That's that," he said and placed a gentle kiss on my forehead.

He pulled away and rolled his eyes.

"My family returns," he said. We disentangled ourselves and Edward put the diary and papers back into the envelope and returned it to the desk drawer. I knew he would return the diary to the lawyers - I wondered what he'd do with the papers.

Hand in hand we walked downstairs. His family were gathered in the living room, looking at us expectantly. I was completely drained, but still felt a laugh brewing - they looked like they were waiting for the lottery numbers to be announced.

One by one they said hello politely, almost nervously. It was like the first day I'd come here.

"Hi everyone," I said.

I knew Edward was quite stiff beside me, probably unsure whether I was comfortable about public displays of affection from him just yet. To put everyone out of their misery I took my hand from Edward's and instead put my arms around his waist and nestled into his side. He put his arms around me and rested his chin on my head. I felt him let out a long breath.

"Ah!" Esme's hand flew to her throat and her smile beamed across her face.

"See, I told you"" Alice jumped up and down and then came at me, throwing her arms around my neck.

"Careful, Alice," Edward warned.

"It's good to see you, Bella," Carlisle said warmly, his smile matching Esme's.

"Woo hoo"" Emmett punched the air. Jasper smiled quietly and nodded to me while Rosalie stood with her arms folded, frowning. Suddenly, she walked over to me.

"This must be very hard for you," she said bluntly.

"Um, well, ..."

A look of understanding crossed her features which surprised me. "Yes, it, um ..." I didn't know what to say.

"Rosalie, please ..." I heard the wary tone in Edward's voice. Rosalie's eyes snapped to his face then back to me.

"I'm glad you decided to stay. I think it's very ... brave, of you." She walked back to the sofa, flopped down and picked up a magazine.

"Um, thanks," I said lamely.

Edward pulled me towards the kitchen, he seemed eager to get me away.

"We're just getting some lunch," he announced. The Cullens always made sure there was food in the kitchen for me.

His family began to disperse and go about their various activities except for Alice, who followed us.

"So Bella, about the wedding ..."

The wedding. I hadn't thought much about it. I didn't know if I could right now.

"Um ..."

"Alice" Not now," Edward cut her off. His voice was firm as he grabbed a packet of pasta.

Alice rolled her eyes. "It's okay, Edward, look." A flash of concentration passed over her features, obviously sending him one of her visions. I saw his shoulders relax and a look of relief flickered over his face quickly. He swallowed.

"Thank you Alice," he said more gently.

"It's just the timing I'm not sure of. That's what I wanted to..."

"But not now," he cut her off again. "Bella will let you know when she's made any decisions."

Alice shrugged. Though neither had told me specifically, I guessed that she had seen that the wedding was still on, she just wasn't sure when. I realised then that while I'd thought of postponing the wedding, the thought of actually cancelling it hadn't crossed my mind. I found myself smiling.

Alice pulled up a stool and sat beside me while Edward made my lunch. We listened as she enthusiastically told us about a shopping trip to Los Angeles that she was planning and how she wanted me to join her. Normally this wouldn't hold my interest for long, but today I let my mind wander with her, and it felt good to lose myself in something else for a while. I was sure Lucy and George would be back to niggle at me later. I could feel Edward's eyes on me, watchful. I gave him a smile.

* * *

Charlie's cruiser was in the driveway when Edward pulled up out the front later that afternoon. The atmosphere was suddenly tense between us.

"May I see you later?" His eyes were searching my face. I knew he was wishing he could read my mind right now.

"Mm," I couldn't help teasing, just a little.

He frowned. "Is that ... yes?"

I smiled at him. "Yes."

He let out a breath and smiled. "Good. Um, when?" His smile disappeared again.

I didn't answer straight away. My teasing stopped. When _did_ I want to see him? Tonight, in my room, or tomorrow? The events of the day ripped quickly through my mind and I made a decision.

"Would you like to come over tonight? After Charlie's gone to bed?" My heart was hammering.

He swallowed, his eyes still intent on mine. "Are you sure?"

"Yes. Unless you don't want to ..." Teasing again.

"No" I want to ... I just don't want to push you."

I smiled. "You're not pushing. So I'll see you tonight?"

"Yes, please."

I leaned over and kissed him on the cheek before getting out of the car. At the front door I waved and watched as the Volvo disappeared up the street.

Charlie and I fell into our usual evening routine. A brief discussion of the day's activities, dinner, then TV sport for him while I waited in my room for a vampire.

I sat on my bed, going through my CD's, trying to find something I felt like listening to. I'd thought a bit more about Lucy's diary. My jealousy was waning but I still felt angry every time I thought about what she did to Edward. I took a deep breath. Tomorrow Edward would contact his lawyers and put an end to the enquiry and it would be behind us. But something was niggling at me. I was wondering now if Edward was curious about George. After all, wouldn't it be normal to want to see him? Maybe Edward _did_ want to see him. Maybe he wasn't going to make contact only because of his feelings for me. I shook my head trying to clear it. I decided I'd had enough of Lucy and George for one day as I continued to reject one CD after another.

I wished I had Edward's music collection here - it was huge and I'd be bound to find something I wanted to hear. I pictured the hundreds of small plastic cases lined up on the shelves in his room. Actually, he had lots of things on his shelves. I'd been looking at them today while we were sitting together on the couch. There were some baseballs, one of them was red. There was a small wooden box with brass hinges which looked very old, there was a battered trophy. There were endless books and a microscope. There was a photo of a dog! On the wall was a sketch of sailboats on a harbour and in the corner near the door was a collection of odd baseball bats. Why had I never asked him about these things? I'd seen them in his room, time and time again - these things were all part of who he was, they obviously meant something to him, and I'd never asked about them! How much did I really know about Edward? He hadn't told me much about his years before he met me. But then, I hadn't asked much, either. Now, thinking of the bats and balls, the sketch and the trophy, the box and the microscope, _the dog,_ I started to think about all those years, all those high schools and universities. What other things had he done?

Suddenly I was ravaged by curiosity. I knew it was a stupid idea, but it still didn't stop me. I turned on the computer, went to the internet and typed in the search box: _Edward Cullen._

There were quite a few. I scrolled through the listings. A contemporary artist in outback Australia, an award-winning chef in London, a family plumbing business in Dayton, the leader of an adventure holiday company in New Zealand. There were lots of Edward Cullens, but none of them mine. Of course. Stupid idea. As if a vampire would have a history on the internet! I snorted.

Shaking my head, I was about to close the computer down when an entry at the bottom of the screen caught my eye. I clicked.

_Does anyone know the whereabouts of Edward Cullen? It's like the guy has fallen off the planet__"_

There was a photo of Edward. _My_ Edward. It was a head and shoulders shot, class photo style. His hair was combed differently, it hung over his face more. He was smiling but I could tell he didn't mean it.

I was on one of those sites for reuniting old school friends and organising reunions. Sandra Jackson and Bethany Veltman were trying to organise a reunion of the class of 1973 from North Colchester High School in Nova Scotia. There were updates about the arrangements, messages from people who were coming and from those who couldn't make it. And a list, with old photos, of people they hadn't located yet. Edward was one of them. My heart was nearly beating out of my chest as I scrolled down a little further.

_Remember the gorgeous, mysterious Edward Cullen? Well, no-one's seen or heard from him since graduation. I know all of us ladies would love to see him at the reunion. If you know where he is, tell us! __And let him know, his record on the track still stands today!_

There were two more, smaller, photos. One was a full body shot, he was wearing PE clothes. I realised I'd never seen his legs before. They were lovely. In the other picture he was standing under a tree beside a bench, holding a guitar at his side. Oh my ... was he wearing a Snoopy t-shirt? My mouth was hanging open, completely and totally engrossed in the pictures before me. So engrossed, in fact, that I almost fell off the chair when I heard his amused voice behind me.

"Bella? Are you _Googling_ me?"


	4. Chapter 4: All About Edward

**All things Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended.**

* * *

I was busted.

"Um, I was just looking up ... stuff." Edward's photos were still on the screen and I tried to shield the monitor with my body while I felt for the escape button. I wasn't being successful so I thought I'd go for distraction instead. "You're here early. Charlie's not asleep yet." I angled my body across the computer.

"I couldn't wait to see you - I hoped you wouldn't mind." He smiled hesitantly and my heart skipped a beat.

"No, I don't mind." And I didn't, although five more minutes might have been good - might have given me a chance to close this down. His eyes slid from mine to the monitor behind me.

"So what have you found?" There was a smile playing at his lips as he nodded towards the screen.

"Um .. I, nothing ...I wasn't ..." I should have realised denial was useless. I rolled my shoulders as if to shrug off my embarrassment. "It's just one of those reunion sites. Some school in Nova Scotia is inviting you to theirs. There are pictures ..."

He closed his eyes and swallowed.

"Bella?" his voice was tight.

"Yes?"

"I'm wearing a Snoopy t-shirt, aren't I?"

Suddenly my embarrassment was gone in the face of his, and I was snickering.

"Yeah," I nodded and stopped practically lying across the desk. "You are."

Edward looked directly at the screen now. He rolled his eyes and gave a groan.

"What?" I said. "I think you look cute. Do you still have it?"

"No!" he laughed and shook his head. "It was a dare. I only wore it once." He shook his head again, exasperated.

"Who dared you?" We looked at each other as we both said, "Emmett." I laughed.

"May I?" he pointed to the screen.

I moved out of the chair. Edward took my place and after looking at the site for a moment, and shaking his head a lot, he began tapping on the keyboard.

"You were holding a guitar. I didn't know you played." I stood beside him watching his fingers move gracefully over the keys.

"I prefer the piano, but everyone was playing the guitar then. It was part of blending in."

"Are you any good?"

He looked up at me and raised a single eyebrow. I rolled my eyes - okay, he was good.

"And what about your track record? Apparently it still stands. You have nice legs, by the way."

He smirked, "Thank you,"

"And the record?"

"Well, that was just me trying to make a point, really."

I flopped down onto the bed. "What point?" I was feeling more at ease now. Lucy and George were tucked away, locked down tight, in the back of my mind.

He shrugged. "The coach didn't have much time for students who weren't interested in sports and I fell into that category. It was boring playing sport with humans and obviously I had to downplay my unnatural abilities. He never actually gave_ me_ a hard time, he was too wary of me for that, but he certainly made life miserable for some of the others - very miserable. He'd call us princesses." He shook his head and gave a low chuckle. "So, one day when we had track trials, and he'd been particularly vocal, I decided to open up just a little and show him what a _princess_ could do."

"Edward!" I was shocked. The Cullens were always so careful.

"Obviously I didn't let loose completely. I just ... went a little faster than the others." He smiled.

His long fingers continued to move easily over the keys, almost too fast to see their strokes. What was he doing? The photos had disappeared and long lines of gibberish - letters, numbers, symbols - were appearing across the black screen. Was he ... ?

"Edward, are you hacking?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

Edward hit a final key and the screen emptied. Then it flashed back again, the website reappearing minus his photos and blurb. He ran one hand through his hair as he turned, leaning over the back of the chair to look at me. "The internet has become a real problem for us. It's made us more traceable." He stood up and moved across to the bed, raising his eyebrows just a little, asking permission to sit there. I nodded, realising that before yesterday he would have just sat down and pulled me into his lap. Tonight he sat on the faded quilt next to me and folded his legs underneath him.

"We do regular checks and we delete anything we find. We've all had to acquire expert hacking skills." He smiled. "We don't come up too often, but we have to be careful. We don't want anybody wondering how Edward Cullen was as North Colchester High in the seventies, and Forks High in 2006. Jasper keeps a register of all the sites where we appear. I'll tell him about this one when I get home."

I let out a breath. I was learning a lot today.

"But I'm curious now, Bella?" The smile in his eyes faded and was replaced by wariness. "Why were you looking for me on the internet?"

"Um ... " I could feel the blush flooding my cheeks and I looked down, giving a half shrug. "I guess I've realised that there's a lot I don't know about you."

He frowned, his eyebrows coming together. "Bella, I promise you, there is nothing else ..."

"I didn't mean that," I jumped in quickly as I saw the pain appear in his eyes. "I mean, about the last eighty seven years." We'd been sitting side by side without touching. Now I rested my hand on his leg. After a moment he covered it carefully with his own. He was looking at me intently, puzzled, and my words came tumbling out.

"You have lots of things in your room and I've seen them lots of times but I don't know how they fit in to your life." His eyes were still on me. "I mean, I think I've been so wrapped up in ... us ... that I didn't think to find out about _you_."

A smile started to spread across his face.

"What would you like to know?"

I looked at our hands, together on his leg, wondering where to start. "What was your first car?"

His smile grew larger. "It was a 1937 Bugatti Type 57S Atalante Coupe. Black." His voice was wistful. "Only 17 were ever made."

"What happened to it?"

"It just wore out. It was hard letting it go, but I kept the badge from the front grill."

"Have you ever skied?"

"Yes. In Austria and Finland"

"Can you ride a horse?"

"Animals won't come near me. But I rode when I was human."

I nodded, thinking of more questions.

"Have you ever been drunk?"

His eyebrows shot up and he gave a laugh, clearly surprised at the question. "Vampires can't get drunk, Bella."

"As a human?"

"Um, actually I think there was one time." He was frowning, starting down at the quilt, trying to remember. He laughed again. "I can vaguely remember something about a bottle of whiskey and ... there were three of us ... " He gave his head a shake and laughed again. "It's too fuzzy. I don't know if that's because it's a human memory or because I _was_ drunk."

"We'll have to work on that one," I laughed. "What happened to the guitar?"

"It broke."

"How?"

"It got in the way during a wrestling match with Emmett and Jasper."

I laughed again and he joined in. He seemed to be enjoying my question and answer session.

"Have you ever met anyone famous?"

"I met Pablo Picasso at one of his early exhibitions. I like his work."

"Anyone else?"

"Not really. We don't go out of our way to meet people, Bella. Actually, a lot of my time has just been spent in classrooms or whichever home we were living in."

I nodded but kept going.

"Favourite colour?"

He looked directly into my eyes, his crooked smile on his face. "Brown."

I felt myself blush and looked down at our hands again.

"Best and worst concerts you've ever been to."

"Oh, well, there are several of each." he said, his eyebrows coming together a little. "But one particular concert I really enjoyed was Dizzy Gillespie in 1953."

I didn't know who that was, but the name was familiar.

"I think I've heard of him."

"You would have. He was a brilliant jazz musician." The fingers of his free hand started tapping out a rhythm on the mattress.

"And the worst?"

He screwed up his beautiful face, thinking hard.

"I think, probably, the Beatles at Shea Stadium in 1965."

My eyes widened. "Really? I thought you didn't like sixties music?"

"I didn't. But Alice really wanted to go. Jasper thought that huge numbers of screaming humans would be too much for him so she talked me into going with her. You know how persuasive she can be."

I gave a laugh. I did know.

"What was it like?"

He grimaced slightly. "In a word - loud. The screaming fans I mean, I could barely hear the music, even with vampire hearing. We left half way through, it was getting a bit much for both of us. The heaving crowds, so many scents crowded into one place, so many heartbeats going crazy. And I nearly gave myself a migraine trying to block thousands of hysterical thoughts."

"Doesn't sound like much fun."

"It wasn't. And from the flicker of thoughts I was picking up from the stage, they weren't having much fun up there, either."

I was trying to picture Edward at a Beatles concert. I was trying to picture Edward in the sixties.

"Did you wear flares?"

"Everyone wore flares."

"Did you wear flowers in your hair." I was joking now, but he looked down and started plucking at his jeans.

"Did you?" I asked again. He brushed some invisible dust from his knee.

"You did! You wore flowers in your hair!"

"Alright, yes. But only once."

"Oh, only once! Like the Snoopy t-shirt! I bet if I opened your cupboard I'd find Snoopy and love beads and cheesecloth ..." We were both laughing now, trying to stifle the sounds so Charlie wouldn't hear. I threw myself back on the bed as my body shook at the mental image of Edward in a kaftan with daisies circling his head. He was lying beside me, laughing almost as hard as I was.

"Bella, I promise, you will never find a single thread of cheesecloth in my cupboard," he grinned.

"So you weren't a hippy?" I gasped for air.

"No, never."

"So why did you have flowers in your hair" I had to smother another fit of giggles.

"Alice again. We went to a sculpture exhibition in a park. She thought we needed to fit in."

Our laughter began to subside but I was still smiling at the mental picture of hippy Edward. We were on our backs, looking into each others faces. My heart had been beating hard from all the laughing, but now it was hammering because of Edward's eyes on mine. I could hear it.

"Tomorrow will you show me the things in your room?" I whispered.

"Yes," he whispered back, smiling.

There was silence for a moment, we were just breathing in each others closeness. Then suddenly he sat up.

"Charlie's coming." He moved to the window.

"You're not going?" I could hear the disappointment in my voice.

"Just for a little while. He wants to speak with you, but I won't be far." He reached out to stroke my cheek and I leaned into his touch. "I'll be back in half an hour?" It was a question.

I nodded. "Half an hour." And he was gone, just as Charlie knocked on my door.

"Come in." I moved to the computer and was turning it off as Charlie entered. He looked awkward, as he usually did whenever he was in my room.

"Hey, what's up, Dad?"

It took him a moment. "Just saying goodnight." He was looking around the room and I wondered if he'd heard me laughing with Edward. After a moment he cleared his throat, looking out the window.

"I was just wondering ... is everything alright, Bella? I mean, with you and Edward?" He spoke awkwardly and then turned his gaze to the floor. "Just ... I haven't seen him here since he came back from Chicago and, you haven't seemed happy."

I swallowed. He was more perceptive than I realised. But what would I say? _Actually Dad, I've just found out my 18 year old fiancé has an 87 year old son he didn't know about. Except that my fiancé isn't really 18, he's actually a 108 year old vampire. _Yeah, like he'd really walk me down the aisle for that one.

"Everything's fine, Dad." I tried to give him a confident smile. "I'm just tired."

He eyed me for a moment while I held my smile in place. "Well, if you say so," he said, moving to the door. "But if you're not a hundred percent happy, it's not too late to change your mind. Remember that." He looked at the floor again and nodded to himself. "Just ... remember that."

I took a deep breath. "I'll remember, Dad." He nodded again and said goodnight before he left, closing the door behind him.

I got up from the desk and threw myself on the bed, letting out a long breath. I hadn't changed my mind about marrying Edward, but I wasn't sure yet if the wedding was going to go ahead on schedule. I looked at the clock - twenty minutes until Edward was back. I grabbed my toiletries bag and headed for the bathroom, pushing all wedding thoughts out of my mind. I didn't need to think about that as well right now.

The warm water felt good on the muscles in my neck and back. I could have stayed in there a lot longer, but I was anxious to be ready when Edward returned. I was imagining him skiing down a slope in Austria, or listening to jazz in a moody club somewhere. The laughter had helped a lot and I was feeling the best I'd felt since Lucy and George crashed into my life. Was that only two days ago? I shook my head and turned off the taps, pulled the towel around me and crossed the hall back into my room. I opened my dresser drawer and pulled out the blue pyjamas that I knew Edward liked. I dressed quickly and tried to make my hair look less like a birds nest. Satisfied that I looked as good as I was going to get I put down the brush and moved to shut the drawer.

As I pushed the drawer in I caught sight of the loosely woven bag which I kept in there. My heart gave a little twist. I picked up the pouch and emptied it into my hand, letting the bracelet inside fall onto my palm with a soft _chink._ I fingered it delicately. The beautiful diamond heart, the perfectly carved wooden wolf. I sat on the bed and sighed as I looked at it. I didn't wear it all the time. Now that I knew the heart was not just a crystal, I was worried about losing it. But I remembered the night that I'd made my choice and said goodbye to Jacob Black. The night a little piece of my heart broke away. The night that Edward held me while I sobbed, heartbroken, for another man. A man who was alive, and loved me, and part of me loved him, too. A man who had kissed me passionately and whose kiss I'd returned. And Edward had known it all, had seen it all. I put him through that. Tears started to fill my eyes. I was remembering how Edward brought me back here that night and stopped me tearing the bracelet off my wrist. He told me it was a part of who I am. Jacob was a part of who I am. I knew Edward didn't like Jacob. I knew he felt threatened by him, even now. But he'd accepted that Jake would always have a part in my life. I started to understand the depth of jealousy and hurt that Edward must have felt.

I took a deep breath, wiped my face and put the bracelet back in the bag. I looked around the room. Suddenly I needed air, I needed to be outside and I needed to think. My body was still warm from the shower and I didn't stop to grab a jacket as I hurried downstairs and out into the backyard. I stood in the moonlight, taking big gulping breaths as a realisation hit me.

The Lucy and George situation wasn't quite the same but in some ways, it was. And I realised then that George wasn't just a reminder of Edward's lapse while locked in a room with Lucy. George was a part of Edward. Edward's blood didn't run through his own veins anymore, but it did run through George's. And as long as George lived, as long as he had family, Edward's blood line would continue. George was a part of Edward, and for that fact alone, he shouldn't just be pushed aside. I groaned as I realised what I was going to do.

"Bella? What are you doing out here? You'll freeze." Edward was behind me. My thoughts scattered for a moment.

"Ssh, I'm thinking," and I held up my hand for him to stop.

I heard him mutter something but it was too low for me to make out. There was a rustle of fabric and suddenly his jacket was draped around my shoulders, his fingers sitting softly on my hips.

"I could hear your heartbeat from out in the street. What are you thinking about?"

I took a deep breath. "George."

Edward's fingers gripped my hips just a little harder.

"What about George?" his voice was wary. I swallowed and decided to jump in, boots and all.

"I was thinking that ... you should meet him."

He turned me around to look at him, his face disbelieving.

"What? Bella ... no!" He tried to say something else but he stumbled over the words. His hands were becoming harder on me.

"Listen to me, Edward ..." But he wouldn't.

"Bella, I've caused you enough pain." He was speaking through gritted teeth now. "I will not add to that pain. I will not drag this out. It's over, it's dealt with." He looked down at the ground, shaking his head. He was still holding me.

I put my hand on his cheek and waited for him to look up. Eventually, he did.

"Please listen, Edward." He let out a sigh and closed his eyes. After a moment he opened them and looked at me. The pain was there again. I stroked my thumb across his cheekbone.

"It's not dealt with," I said softly. " This can't end with just reading Lucy's diary." I felt that little twist in my heart again. "We thought it could, but now, I don't think it can."

His eyes closed again and he turned his face away.

"George is a part of you, Edward. That makes him a part of our lives."

He bowed his head. "And I thought you might be curious about him, that would be natural. Curious about him and ... his children and grandchildren." I took a really deep breath. "_Your_ grandchildren." I let the breath go. "But there's something else ..." His head snapped up.

"George isn't immortal. You only have limited time to meet him and I don't want you to spend eternity wondering about him. And _I_ don't want to spend eternity wondering if _you're _wondering."

He was frowning and his jaw was set. I wondered what he was going to say. Then he raised an eyebrow, just slightly.

"Eternity?" I recognised the look that flashed across his face at that moment. The pain at the thought of ending my life, combined with the joy at knowing he'd never have to lose me. I'd seen that look a lot lately, whenever I mentioned my change. But tonight, my words reassured him that I wanted us to be together forever.

"Yes, eternity. You can't get rid of me that easily." I threw my arms around his neck and hugged him hard. He pulled me to him, my body was pressing against his.

"So will you meet him?" My words were muffled against his chest.

"I don't know, Bella. It's ... I don't want to put you through any more ..."

"Edward, I think we're strong enough for this, don't you?" As I said the words I knew they were true.

"Yes," he sighed.

We were standing in the moonlight, holding each other quietly, when Edward's whisper broke the silence.

"What you said, about wondering ..."

I pulled back to look into his face. He looked nervous, uncertain whether to continue. I smiled and he took a breath.

"I have wondered, vaguely, about the type of man he is."

I nodded, letting him know it was okay to keep going, even though I knew he would have heard my heart pick up. "I wonder whether he's a reflection of what I would have been if I'd led a human life." He sighed. "And ... I hope my indiscretion in 1918 hasn't had a negative impact on the world. I hope he is a good man."

I felt tears start in my eyes again. My fingers stroked the back of his neck as he bowed his head.

"He has your blood in his veins, Edward. Of course he's a good man."

At my words he inhaled sharply and buried his face in my hair. "Oh, Bella," he whispered as he held me close.

The night was chilly and I had cooled down now after the shower. Before the first shiver could find its way through my body, Edward pulled back suddenly and swept me up in his arms.

"What are you doing?"

"You're cold. I'm taking you to bed."

Although I knew what he meant, his last words sent a jolt of heat through my chilled body. He carried me into the house and took the stairs two at a time. In my room he softly kicked the door closed before laying me gently on the bed and pulling the blankets up to cover me.

"May I?" he asked, nodding at the bed. I wriggled over making more room and he kicked off his shoes and climbed under the covers with me. Looking deep into my eyes he carefully pulled me into a hug against his chest.

"Is this alright?" he asked. He was still hesitant about touching me, holding me.

I nodded, smiling, "Mmm." I realised we hadn't been like this since he'd left for Chicago on Wednesday. It had been four nights without him holding me. I snuggled deeper, glad to be back. I heard him sigh as he pulled me closer. I pushed Lucy and George into the back of my mind and locked them down, tight.

"And don't forget, tomorrow you're telling me about the things in your room." I spoke through a yawn as my eyes fell shut.

"I've not forgotten." His voice was velvet in my ears. I felt a cool finger stroke softly along my jaw.

I laid in his arms and thought about how much I loved him, and how hard these last two days, this last half hour, had been. But of one thing I was sure - we were strong enough to deal with this. I felt sleep start to take me and suddenly a giggle escaped my lips.

"What are you laughing at?" he whispered.

"Snoopy." I fell asleep listening to Edward groan.

* * *

I stirred as the first chinks of sunlight fell through the gap in the curtains. Edward was kneeling on the floor beside the bed.

"Bella," he whispered. I smiled and reached for him, my eyes half closed. He took my hands and kissed them. Why wasn't he on the bed with me?

"Charlie's waking up." I nodded in sleepy understanding. "I didn't want you to wake up and find me gone."

"You'll come back?"

"After breakfast" He leant his forehead against mine and sighed. "I love you, Bella." I felt a thrill go through me.

"I love you, too." I whispered.

A brilliant smile broke across his face. He hesitated, then kissed me softly on the lips. A rush of warmth started in my chest and spread out through my body. I reached out to put my arms around his neck, just as I heard Charlie's bedroom door open. Edward pulled away quickly. He stroked my cheek before disappearing through the window.

I stayed in bed for a little longer, remembering the night before. I'd found out a lot about Edward, and I was planning to learn more today. But we'd also taken a huge step. We'd talked about him meeting his son. I wondered how that might change our lives, if he decided to go ahead.

I was dressed and ready when Edward knocked on the door just a couple of hours later.

"Are you ready?" he asked as he walked into the hall. He looked so gorgeous, my breath hitched in my chest.

"I should be asking you that," I smiled as I grabbed his hand and pulled him back outside. "Because I have lots more questions for you."

* * *

I sat, cross legged in the middle of Edward's bed. He stood near the door, looking around his room.

"Well, what first?" he asked. A grin stretched across his face, his eyes were shining.

"Um, the microscope." I said.

He grabbed it from the shelf and brought it over to the bed. He put it in my hands as he sat next to me.

It was clearly old, made of brass, and the barrels of the lenses were longer and thinner than the modern versions. It was very heavy.

"This was Carlisle's," Edward began. His legs were stretched out and he seemed relaxed as he leant back on his hands behind him "It dates back to the 1850s. He gave it to me when I started my first medical degree." I ran my fingers over the metal barrels. "I didn't actually need a microscope, the university supplied them. It was purely a symbolic gesture. He was proud of me." He shrugged as he said the words simply, but I could hear the smile in his voice.

"It's beautiful," I said. I examined it for a moment, then handed it back to him. He replaced it on the shelf.

"What next?" he asked, grinning. I laughed.

"You're so excited," I said.

Shyness overcame him and he gave me his crooked smile, shrugging.

"I'm just happy to show you," he said. "And I'm happy that you want to know." He ran his long fingers through his hair. "Before, I thought perhaps telling you about these things would make the difference in our ages more obvious. I thought, maybe, you wouldn't want to be reminded of that."

"Oh, Edward," I reached out to him. He came to me and I wrapped my arms around him. I reached up and put my lips softly to his ear as if to kiss him.

"What's with the photo of the dog?" I whispered instead.

He gave a chuckle and pulled back from my grasp. He took the old black and white photo from the shelf and brought it back to the bed. It was in a simple, silver frame.

"We were living in Appalachia a few years after my change. I was no longer a newborn, but I was still adjusting to what I had become." He took a deep breath. "One day, this old dog just wandered up to the cabin where we were living." He smiled at the memory. "I was surprised because usually animals run away from us, but this one didn't. He just hung around and, lucky for him, none of us felt any temptation to ... feed ... so he became almost like a pet" Edward was smiling at the memory. "He'd come and go, sometimes we wouldn't see him for days at a time. But I liked it when he was there. I'd never had a pet and he would let me pat him. I guess he made me feel less of a monster."

The dog was cute, short-haired with one black ear and one white. He was sitting, looking straight at the camera.

"Did he have a name?"

"I called him Renfield." he gave a low laugh. "Esme was developing an interest in photography at the time and she took this photo one day."

"What happened to him?"

He frowned. "A bear got him."

"Oh no! Poor Renfield."

Edward nodded. "Poor Renfield. But I avenged him," he said. I looked up, puzzled.

He smiled, "I got the bear."

"Oh!" I laughed, surprised at the casual reference to his diet.

"Anything else?" he asked, replacing the picture on the shelf.

"Heaps," I looked around the room. "The sketch with the boats."

Carefully Edward lifted the frame from it's hook on the wall. It wasn't large, and he laid it on the bed in front of us.

"This is Lyttelton Harbour in New Zealand."

"New Zealand?" That was the other side of the world.

"The weather in the South Island there is quite good for us. We lived there for a short time during the 1940s. We'd been in a small town in Alaska but people were becoming suspicious of us and they were very close to discovering the truth. So, we had to get as far away as possible for a while. Lyttelton seemed perfect." He tilted his head to the side as he focused on the sketch. "I really liked the harbour. Whenever I wanted to get some peace I'd go down and watch the boats. I found it soothing."

I nodded as I thought of two days before, in Port Angeles, when I'd sat and watched the boats on the water.

"Boats are good," I agreed. "Calming."

Edward looked at me, curious. I felt myself flush red and pointed back at the sketch.

"So you bought this while you were there?"

"No, I drew it."

"You drew this?" I looked again at the detail of light and shade, soft and dark strokes of charcoal, the way light was so perfectly represented bouncing off the water. I let out a long breath. "Wow, Edward, I had no idea. This is really beautiful work."

He shrugged. "Thank you."

"Do you have others?"

"No. I used to sketch quite a lot, but not so much in recent decades. This is the only one I kept." He reached up a hand and his fingers gently stroked my cheek. "I thought about sketching you once, though." I could feel my skin tingle under his touch. "But I didn't think you'd like it. I thought it would make you feel awkward, being focused on like that." He gave me his brilliant smile. "Not that you would need to sit for it. I could draw you from memory with no problem. But I knew I wouldn't be able to do justice to your perfection."

I was lost in his eyes at that point. They were staring into mine, the depth of his love showing clearly and making my heart pound.

"You're right," I whispered, finally, then realised how that would sound. I cleared my throat in an effort to clear my head. "I mean, about feeling awkward, not the perfection thing. You're right that I'd feel awkward."

He chuckled quietly as he got off the bed and replaced the sketch on the wall.

"What next?" he asked.

I looked around the room. "The bats and balls."

He nodded and walked to the shelf and picked up one old, dirty baseball.

"This is the ball my father and I would play catch with. He gave it to me with a catchers mitt for my ninth birthday. I called it my lucky ball. I'd sleep with it under my pillow and I'd never play catch with anything else. I don't know what happened to the mitt," he frowned.

"That's a strong memory for you, isn't it?"

"Very," he said, putting the ball back in place before picking up a second, old, dirty baseball. It had a large, black** #1** written on it in permanent marker.

"This one," he gave a chuckle. "This one I retrieved from the top of the Eiffel Tower one evening as part of a race with Emmett and Jasper."

My eyes popped open wide. "What?"

He laughed again.

"It's a game we play. It started in 1963 in Paris. It was the middle of the night, we'd been to a jazz club and were just wandering around afterwards looking at the lights - the lights are very beautiful in Paris. I'd like to show you sometime, if you'd like?" He paused, smiling at me. "Anyway, Jasper found an old baseball lying in a gutter. He picked it up and was tossing it around in his hands and when we came close to the Eiffel Tower, Rosalie snatched it from him and threw it so it landed in the observation deck at the top. Then she challenged us to see who would be the first one to get it and bring it back to the ground again. The losers had to do whatever dare the winner gave them and the winner got to keep the ball until the next challenge."

My mouth was still hanging open.

"You scaled the Eiffel Tower?"

"Yes."

"And you won?"

"Of course," he was grinning. "Although Emmett did try to pull me off about half way up. He was desperate to show off to Rose." He chuckled and I laughed along with him. "It became a sort of a tradition after that. Whenever we were visiting somewhere new we would try to come up with a challenge for finding the baseball. It's not always possible. We only do it at night and we have to be sure there will be no humans around. That first one in Paris was actually a bit of a risk."

I closed my eyes, picturing Edward scaling the Eiffel Tower in pursuit of a baseball.

"Where else have you played?"

"Apart from the Eiffel Tower we've played in the maze at Kew Gardens in London, it's been buried on a beach in Finland and been thrown off some cliffs on the Scottish coast. That was probably the hardest one, trying to find it on the floor of the North Sea. There was one time Rosalie dropped it from the top of Niagara Falls and the last time Alice threw it from a lookout into the Grand Canyon.

He was smiling as he rolled the ball around in his fingers.

"Do you always win?"

"Usually. I've only lost one. Kew Gardens. Emmett beat me." There was a slight bitterness to his tone.

"And Emmett dared you to wear Snoopy, didn't he?" The realisation hit me suddenly.

Edward nodded and sighed. "He dared me to wear a Snoopy t-shirt on photo day at the next high school we started."

I laughed. "What did he make Jasper do?"

"Jasper had to eat a steak and kidney pie." He shuddered as he put that ball back on the shelf and picked up the red one.

"This is a cricket ball. We played a little when we were in England."

He was rolling the ball in his hand.

"Did you enjoy it as much as baseball?"

He shrugged. "Mm, in some ways, but it can be a very slow game. I kept the ball because I like the feel of it. And it's fun to bounce off Emmet's head sometimes. Here." He handed it to me. It was much heavier than a baseball, and much harder too. It's surface was smooth and shiny.

"And this is a cricket bat." He walked over to the corner and picked up an old bat, it was about the length of the baseball bats but flatter. "It just goes with the ball," he shrugged again "The others are obviously baseball bats. They're just the ones I use when we play. They're old, but they're comfortable."

"And the trophy?"

"I won it for debating the first time we were at school in Alaska. But now I keep my car keys in it." He picked the silver keys out of his pocket and dropped them into the metal cup. I laughed. I'd never noticed him do it before.

"What about the wooden box," I pointed to where it sat on the shelf.

"This," he said lifting it up and bringing it to me, "belonged to my grandfather, my mother's father." I stroked the wood. It was very smooth, almost like glass. It was a rich red colour, very beautiful.

"He was an architect in England. He came to America in the 1830's and settled in Chicago. Some of his buildings are still standing in the city now. I remember my mother pointing them out to me when I was young."

I kept running my fingers over the wood, fascinated to hear about Edward's family before him.

"Is it hard to remember all that?"

He shook his head. "Not really." I was still stroking the lid of the box, touching the brass hinges, the small brass lock with a tiny key. "Just after I was changed Carlisle explained that my human memories would fade and I'd need to work hard to keep them. He suggested I write down the things that were most important to me and read them every day. I did just that."

He reached over and opened the lid of the box. Gently, he pulled out several sheets of brittle, yellowed paper and carefully placed them in my hands. I gasped. There was Edward's handwriting, elegant and formal, the ink fading with age. At the top he had written his name, _Edward Anthony Masen_, and underneath that ... _I was born June 20, 1901._

"Your birthday," I whispered and looked up at him. His eyes were soft as he stared at the paper.

"It seemed important at the time. But I soon found birthdays don't have the same meaning when you're immortal," he said quietly. I looked back at the page.

He'd written about his parents, his grandparents, the stories his mother had read him as a child, the music she'd played, the games he'd enjoyed with his father, learning to ride a bicycle, a family picnic, baseball games and chasing after fruit carts with his friends, trying to catch any fruit that fell before it hit the ground. There was more about music, gifts, concerts, Christmases.

"I still have general memories about my human life, like how it was to live in that time, but these are the things specific to me that I wanted to keep sharp in my mind."

I ran my fingers over the words, feeling the indentations in the paper.

"After the first few months the memories were set and I didn't need to read it anymore, but now and then I would pull it out to look at it. Sometimes I still do, even now."

I couldn't take my eyes off the pages.

"Did you all do this?"

"Carlisle would have suggested it to the others ... whether they did it or not I don't know. It's quite a ... personal thing." He shifted a little on the bed beside me. "You're the only person I've ever shown this to."

I didn't know what to say. Here was Edward's human life summed up in front of me. My fingers traced his words again.

"I keep some other things in the box. You can look inside if you like." I didn't want to let the pages go. My eyes went over the words one more time before I handed them back to him. He folded them carefully and put them on the bed beside him. I took a deep breath as I reached into the box and pulled out a small metal plate. It was rectangular, though its long sides curved out slightly. It was enameled with red and had silver writing on it, _Bugatti._

"The car?" I was remembering what he'd told me the previous night. He nodded and I smiled.

Next I pulled out an old photo with dog eared corners. It was a picture of a man and a woman. She was sitting while he stood behind her.

"My parents," Edward said simply. I held my breath as I stared at their faces. I could see Edward in the shape of his mothers eyes and the set of his father's jaw.

"Why don't you have this up on the shelf?" I asked, unable to take my eyes off it.

"I don't know. I wonder sometimes what they would think of me now, if they'd known what I'd become. I suppose I didn't want to look at their faces every day, knowing how disappointed they might be."

"They'd never be disappointed in you, Edward, you know that. They loved you."

He shrugged and ducked his head. Gently, I placed the photo in his hands. I saw him run his fingers over it softly.

His action started my tears and I had to blink and swallow hard to stop them. I took a deep breath and reached back into the box as Edward lay the photo carefully on top of the yellowed pages that told the story of his life.

I reached into the box again and pulled out a matching pair of gold metal squares set with a dark green stone. Each square had a short chain of two small links coming from the back, linking it to a small metal bar.

"Cufflinks," he said quietly. "There were no buttons on men's shirt sleeves in my day. We used these."

"They're beautiful." They really were.

"My mother gave them to me for my seventeenth birthday."

I ran my fingers over the settings. "What stone is it?"

"Jade."

I smiled. "She wanted them to match your eyes."

He looked at me, his eyebrows arched in surprise.

"I .. I'd never thought of that." I could see some strong emotion cross his face. He took a breath and exhaled sharply as he looked down at the cufflinks sitting in my palm. Gently I placed them back in the box.

The last thing I pulled out was the cap from a soft drink bottle. Instantly, he became shy again.

"What's this?" I asked laughing. He sighed.

"That is the top off the bottle you drank from the first time we sat together in the cafeteria." He said it quickly.

I knew my mouth was hanging open. He gave me his crooked smile and shrugged.

"Oh, Edward. Really?" It was in his box of special things. I put my arms around him and kissed him softly on the lips before pulling back and looking at his face. His eyes were bright as he spoke.

"So, have I satisfied your curiosity about my past?"

"Not even close, but it's a start."

He pulled me to him and placed a kiss in my hair before getting off the bed. "And we have forever for me to find out." I added as he placed his grandfather's box back on the shelf.

My eyes wandered around the room, taking in all his books, all his music. There would be stories behind all these as well. I looked at his desk. It was old and I wondered if it was the desk he studied at as a boy. I was about to ask when I realised that lying on the top was the white envelope that held Lucy's diary and the other papers. I looked away, trying to keep Lucy and George from intruding but at the same time wondering if Edward had come to a decision about making contact. When I turned to look at Edward he was watching me carefully. His eyes flickered to the envelope and then back to me. Slowly he came to the bed and sat down, taking my hand in his.

"Have you thought about it?" I asked quietly, focusing on his hand in mine. His thumb stroked across my skin.

"I have. I thought about it last night while you were sleeping," he gave a smile, "before you started talking about Snoopy wearing flowers in his ears." I rolled my eyes and felt the blush creep across my cheeks. He lifted my hand to his lips and kissed each of my fingertips. "I love you, Bella," he said softly, then hesitated before he continued. "And ... I've decided you're right."

I knew what was coming then. I swallowed hard as Edward's hand squeezed mine.

"I think I should meet George, and I was hoping, you'd be with me when I did."


	5. Chapter 5: George

**All things Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended.**

* * *

The sun was streaming through the window, dancing off Edward's skin and sending diamonds of light bouncing around the room. He was stunning. I lay beside him on his bed, our arms around each other, his lips moving softly against mine. My chest was pressed against his but he kept a small distance, as always, between the rest of our bodies. I tried to push closer, wanting to feel the full length of him against me, but he would shift, moving himself slightly, always keeping the space there. I felt him tense and his hands squeezed me gently where they sat on my waist. He was about to pull away. I reached in for one more kiss, tracing my tongue over his bottom lip, when a firm hand grabbed my shoulder. I looked up, surprised. Lucy was standing over me, all frills and skirts and blonde curls. She was smirking as she pulled me away from Edward.

"No!" I cried out and tried to pull away but she was stronger. "Edward!" I tried to look at him but I couldn't see his face. "Don't touch me!" I yelled at Lucy again as she dragged me off the bed and I dropped onto the floor.

"Let me show you how it's done," she said. The smirk was still splashed across her face as she laid down next to Edward and pressed herself firmly against his body. He didn't pull away. The dream faded as Lucy began to moan his name.

"Bella! Bella!" Edward's voice was distant, but getting louder. I opened my eyes into the darkness, snuggled into the leather seats of the Volvo, a purple cashmere blanket covering me. I was confused, then I remembered, we were driving to Chicago. We were going to meet George.

I shook off the dream and looked up at Edward. He was staring down at me, frowning, his face anxious. His hand had been on my arm, but he withdrew it quickly now and put it back on the steering wheel.

"Bad dream?" His voice was tight.

"No. _Just _a dream," I replied. I wasn't going to explain that my niggling fears had started manifesting in dreams where I was pushed aside in favour of Lucy. Apart from being impossible, I knew it was irrational and it would upset Edward. But he was still looking at me.

"What was it about?"

"Um, I can't really remember." The lie was pointless. His vampire senses would pick up my blush in the dark. "Where are we?" I was trying to distract him now.

"We're about half way."

The road ahead was dark and bordered with trees. We seemed to be in the middle of nowhere.

Chicago was normally more than a day's drive away from Forks, but not for Edward. We'd left home late on Wednesday afternoon and were driving through the night, at _Edward speed_ with headlights off, so we'd arrive sometime Thursday morning. Edward had arranged for us to meet Rebecca and George on Thursday afternoon.

"It must have been quite a dream." Edward was still fishing. Then I realised, I must have been talking in my sleep.

"Did I say something?" I tried to sound casual as I stretched and yawned. Edward's eyes were still on me. He didn't answer at first, but when he did I heard the sadness in his voice.

"You said, _No Edward, don't touch me.__"_

Realisation hit me. He'd misunderstood. He thought I didn't want him.

"No! No, you've got it wrong. It wasn't you I was talking to." I smiled at him.

"So who was it? You seemed pretty upset."

Great. I'd walked right into that one. And I could see he wasn't going to let it go.

But I didn't really want to give a voice to this fear that had been worrying me like a sore tooth for the past week.

We'd already worked through so much together, but I knew Edward was still very anxious about this visit, and in particular, how it would effect me. He was worried that coming face to face with George would be too much, and I'd finally leave him. Alice had told me he'd spent the last two days alternating between calling the whole trip off and marvelling at how amazing I was. _He is simply full of wonder_, she'd said. _And fear._ I didn't want to add to his anxiety and I was pretty sure telling him about my Lucy dreams would do just that.

At first, when I'd found out about Lucy, I _hadn't_ wanted him to touch me. I was too hurt and angry. And jealous. But now, we'd been taking things slowly, gentle kisses, soft caresses and hugs. He'd been giving me the space I'd needed and we were gradually working our way back to where we'd been ... before. Back to where we'd been slowly building towards the physical intimacy that would come with marriage. But through all this we'd discovered another intimacy, and it was just as powerful. Edward had shared some of the most personal feelings and details of his life with me and in many ways, we had never been closer than in these last few days.

And in truth, I wasn't jealous of Lucy anymore. I'd read her diary, I knew what she was. But some small part of me kept asking if she would always be there between us. Would Edward remember her when he was with me, and would I be wondering if he was remembering? As the Chicago visit drew closer that small part had been gradually getting larger and louder and was now finding a voice in my dreams.

Edward was still waiting for me to speak. In a moment the steering wheel would be in pieces. I sighed.

"Something's been worrying me and, ... I guess I dreamed about it. Please look at the road." I added, realising his eyes had been on me for some time now.

"Bella, I don't need to look at the road all the time."

"Please?" This will be easier to say if you're not watching me.

He gave an exasperated sigh and turned to face the windscreen. He waited patiently but I could see his jaw was tense. His hands were flexing on the steering wheel again.

"So will you tell me what it is that's worrying you?" I could hear the tension in his voice.

"Yes." I paused, trying to gather my thoughts.

"When?"

"Just give me a minute," I said, taking some breaths. I wanted to make this easier for him and easier for me. I didn't know how to do either. I could see he was still trying to be patient but now the anxiety was starting to roll off him in waves.

His jaw clenched even tighter and I saw the steering wheel starting to bend under the strain of his hand.

I took a deep, calming breath. "I've been worrying that ... when we're, you know, ... together ... you'll think of Lucy." I waited for his reaction, but nothing happened. His jaw stayed clenched, his hands kept their death-grip on the steering wheel. The silence continued for a moment and I wondered if he'd actually heard me. Finally, he spoke.

"Bella, that's nonsense." His voice was hard and strained, he was struggling to control it.

"I know you love me, Edward, but, I just ... you don't seem to ... _respond_ to me like you did to her. And, I just wonder if you'll remember that." I stopped. No reaction from Edward. I wanted to stop, forget I'd ever said anything, but for some reason his silence had the opposite effect and I blundered on. "I guess I just feel like I'm the only one who gets, you know, excited, when we're together." I could feel the blush crawling up my chest, along my neck and over my cheeks. My heart was pounding so fast, I was taking deep breaths trying to slow it down. Still, there was no real reaction from Edward. I saw him open his mouth, close it, and then open it again to finally speak.

"Are you serious?" His tone was flat, it sounded more like a statement than a question.

I shrugged awkwardly. "I ... it just seems so easy for you to stop. I never seem to arouse you." I whispered quietly, pushing myself further into the seat, trying to make myself, and this whole conversation, disappear. My blush was a body glove.

Edward was rigid beside me, staring straight ahead.

"Bella, how can you say that?" His voice was choked.

I sighed and wished I'd never said anything. Stupid Lucy dreams. I tried to backpedal.

"I know you love me, Edward, I do. I know you stop _because_ you love me and you're worried you'll hurt me and ... ,"

"No. The last thing you said.."

I gulped at his tone. Was he angry?

"Um, I don't ... arouse you?"

Something in Edward snapped. He pulled the car over to the side of the road, skidding it through the dirt. He cut the engine and got out, leaving the door swinging open on its hinges. He stalked up and down past the headlights, pulling his hands through his hair. I wondered if I should go to him but after a moment his pacing calmed and he came back to the car, sliding into his seat beside me. He exhaled sharply and turned to face me. His eyes were blazing but his voice was quiet.

"Does it really seem that way to you, Bella? You don't think you're desirable enough to have _that_ effect on me?"

"Um, I ... "

"You think I don't respond to you in that way?"

"Well, ..."

"Bella," he shook his head and ran his fingers through his hair, "... just the sight of you walking towards me almost brings me to my knees!"

"Oh""

"I pull away from you because, if I didn't ... " he hesitated, swallowing before he continued, "... if I didn't, then believe me, my physical response to you would become very, very obvious." Tentatively, he took my face in his hands. His eyes burned into mine. "Do you understand my meaning, Bella?" he breathed.

I was barely able to nod, but I managed. I knew words were beyond me at that moment. Words, thoughts - all gone. I was jelly. The sincerity and the emotion in Edward's eyes was scorching. He looked down and shook his head. When he spoke again his voice was calmer. "But I don't want you to think that's all I want. I love you. " His fingers stroked my cheekbones.

Gradually I felt myself regaining the power of rational thought. Maybe soon my speech would return too. Edward's eyes were still on mine. His gaze still intense. "But my control_ is_ still an issue," he continued. "I know we're working on it, but I can't risk being too close with you just yet, you know that." He paused. "And, despite what happened in 1918, I suppose the gentleman in me still feels it wouldn't be proper to share _that_ part of myself with you until you're my wife." Suddenly, I could see embarrassment and shame starting to creep across his face at his confession.

He dropped his hands but I grabbed them quickly and held them, hard.

"Edward, I like that you told me that. I liked it very much." He looked unsure, shame warring with confusion. "I know you think it wasn't proper, or gentlemanly, but I liked it."

I leant across the console and kissed him very gently. "Please don't hide those feelings."

Edward's eyes closed and he dropped his face. "Bella, I do want you. More than any man has ever wanted a woman. And ... I _do_ respond to you that way. I just haven't let you know it. Yet."

My heart broke through my chest wall.

"What you said, about me responding to Lucy ... the physical reflex I had, when she did what she did, doesn't even register against what I feel when you just smile at me, or hold my hand." He swallowed, and raised his eyes to me, looking through his long, dark lashes. "It's like ... comparing an ant hill to Mount Everest, and that still doesn't cover it."

My fingers were shaking as they held onto him. I couldn't believe he'd just said all that he'd said. It was so ... un-Edward. But I liked it so much. Suddenly, the image of Lucy I'd held in my head, and in my nightmares, evaporated. I felt a smile on my lips.

"I _am_ Everest, right?" I asked.

He smiled and nodded. "Everest."

We were quiet for a moment. I reached out my arms, pulling him to me and he rested his head against my chest. His breathing calmed as he listened to my heart. His hands resting gently on my back.

"Edward, I know we said we'd wait until the wedding, and we will, but in the meantime, when we're both ready, it would be okay to share a bit more of ourselves, wouldn't it?" My heart started hammering again. His face wrinkled up as though deciding what to say.

He sighed a deep sigh and then laughed softly, looking at me through his lashes again. "I've been worried that ... I thought you mightn't want me like that any more."

I brought his hands up to my face and kissed them. "I do."

Edward brought his face to mine. Tenderly, he pressed his lips to my cheek, then moved down towards my chin where he placed another kiss, before finally moving to my mouth. Our lips moved together and I wound my hands in his hair, feeling its silk slide through my fingers. His arms went around me, pulling me closer to him. When I needed to breathe he moved his face down to my neck and his nose nuzzled me along the jaw. I stroked the back of his neck. I could feel his cool breath on my skin.

I sighed. "I suppose we should keep going." The clock in the dashboard said 2.12am.

Edward chuckled. "You might want to clarify exactly what you mean by that."

"To Chicago," I grinned. "We should probably keep going to Chicago. It's a long way." I felt his lips curve in a smile against my neck.

"You're probably right," he said, pulling away and kissing me softly on the lips. He picked up the blanket and tucked it around me. "And anyway, if we're going to break new ground together, I'd prefer that it wasn't in a car on the side of the road in the middle of nowhere." He turned the engine and chuckled as my heart did an audible triple backflip with forward somersault.

While everything had been darkness and forest when I finally fell asleep again, now when I opened my eyes there was soft daylight and tall buildings.

"Good morning," Edward reached over and ran his hand through my hair.

"Hi," I mumbled through a yawn, stretching and blinking. "Are we there, yet?"

He gave a chuckle at the words.

"We're in Chicago, yes."

I looked at the clock. Eight fifteen. The sky overhead was grey and some light specks of rain were spattering the windscreen.

"Forks weather," I said absently and Edward nodded.

"It's supposed to be raining and overcast for the next few days, so that's one thing we shouldn't have to worry about. Are you hungry?"

"Mm, yes."

"Then lets get breakfast."

Edward seemed familiar with the city and soon we were parked outside a café with stripey awnings and metal tables and chairs on the footpath. Gold writing on the front windows said simply, _Le Café. _Edward stepped out of the car and came around to my door.

"I hope this will be alright. They do breakfast," he said as he helped me from the car. The aroma of bacon and eggs met me as I stepped onto the footpath.

"Mm, smells yummy already," I said, heading for the door. Edward wrinkled his nose and I rolled my eyes. Of course it wouldn't smell good to him.

He sat and watched while I ate a plateful of scrambled eggs and drank the best hot chocolate I'd ever tasted. He reached out and wiped the froth from my top lip and I nipped at his finger with my teeth. His eyebrows shot up in surprise so I raised mine in return. He laughed and sat back in his seat, smiling at me.

"Would you like to see my house?" he said suddenly. I nearly spurted eggs over the table.

"Yes" I'd love to," I hoped he understood through my mouthful. His smile seemed to indicate that he did.

"It's too soon to check into the hotel, so I thought we could have a look around and I could show you a few things." I nodded enthusiastically. I was eager to see and hear more of Edward's human life.

Edward paid and we got back into the car. He drove around the corner to a street lined with trees and lots of lovely old buildings. He slowed in front of one which had an awning-covered walkway extending out across the footpath to the road. The awning said _Park Inn Hotel_.

"This is where we're staying," he said.

"It looks lovely." It was only five stories high and was made of dark bricks, with large, arched windows looking out onto the street.

"I was considering the Marriot, but I knew you'd be unhappy if I spent too much money," he smirked at me.

"You're right. This is much nicer."  
"And I think ... ," he was leaning his head over the steering wheel, looking up through the windscreen, "... that should be our room up there." I leaned over too, my eyes following the direction of his finger.

"On the top floor?"

"Yes, it should give us a view over the park."

I looked ahead and could see that, a little further up the road, there was indeed, parkland. We continued along and wound around a few more streets. He pointed out the university where he would have studied law, and the Church where he went to Sunday School. We drove along a few more streets and arrived in a long avenue. Again, there were trees lining the footpath and the houses here were tall and grand. He stopped outside number forty-seven and we got out and walked to the front gate. I looked up at him, expectant.

"This is my house," he said with a shrug. It was tall, three stories, dark brick with wide steps sweeping up to a shiny front door flanked with large windows.

I was grinning. "It's beautiful," I reached out for his hand and he pulled me into his side gently.

"I used to swing off this gate," he ran his hand over the metal posts of the gate that separated the footpath from the small front garden. "And that was my room, up there," he pointed to a window on the left of the second floor.

I was fascinated. "Who lives there now?"

"The Barclays. They've been there for nearly ten years now. I'm hoping they'll stay another ten, they're very easy tenants."

"Before that?"

"The Jacobsons and before that it was the Lipmans. Do you want me to go right back to 1921?"

I laughed. "Is that when you first leased it? In 1921?"

"Yes. It took a couple of years for me to get my head around what had happened to me. Carlisle helped secure my inheritance, but it stood empty for a while until I sorted myself out."

I kept staring at the house, imagining a young Edward playing in the garden, swinging on the gate.

"I'm glad I can show it to you," he said. The emotion in his voice was clear.

"Me too." I smiled up at him. "Is it very different from when you lived here?"

He shrugged again. "It hasn't changed much on the outside but I've had it modernised inside. Early twentieth century kitchens and bathrooms weren't the greatest."

He looked at his watch. "It's almost 11.00. We should be able to check in now. Are you ready?"

I pulled myself away from the fence. "Can we come back and look at it again, before we go home?"

Edward smiled, and a look of pleased surprise crossed his face. "Yes, if you would like."

"I'd love to see inside. Do you think you could do a snap landlord's inspection?"

His eyebrows shot up as he laughed. "I don't think so, Bella. It might be my house, but the Barclays are entitled to their privacy."

I scowled as we got back in the car.

Edward's arms circled my waist as we took the old-style lift up to the top floor of the Park Inn Hotel. Our suite wasn't large but one half was dedicated as a bedroom with king size bed and ensuite, while the other half, set down lower by two steps, was the designated living area with a sofa and a discreet entertainment unit hidden in an antique style cupboard.

"Do you like it?" The porter had left and Edward, hands in pockets, stood watching me as I looked around.

"It's perfect," I smiled. I was sure it probably _was _expensive, but it wasn't _glamorous,_ it was comfortable and warm.

"Well, what would you like to do?" He looked around as if to get inspiration from the furniture. "We have an hour before we're due to meet Rebecca and George." He ran his hand through his hair nervously.

"Um, it's raining outside, maybe we could just relax and watch the television?" I said it as a question.

"Sounds good to me." Edward sat on the sofa, picked up the remote and motioned for me to join him. I didn't care what we watched, so Edward settled on something called _Top Gear,_ a British show about fast, luxury cars. I sat, curled into his side, with his arm around me. Every now and then I'd feel his lips brush against my hair, or his fingers softly stroke my arm. I wasn't sure what the afternoon would bring. We were only an hour away from meeting George and Rebecca and we didn't know how it would effect our lives. George and Rebecca were about to become a reality, not just an unexpected piece of news. I wondered how much involvement Edward would want to have with them, or what they expected of him. I shifted closer into Edward's side. I felt him rest his chin on top of my head and I focused on the fast car running laps around a rainy track somewhere in England.

We were meeting Rebecca in the foyer of the Lake View Nursing Home which turned out to be large and modern with beautiful grounds. George had been a resident since suffering a stroke six weeks earlier.

The foyer looked a lot like a hotel lobby with clusters of tub chairs scattered across the floor. I looked around, wondering if she was here yet.

"That's Rebecca, with the blonde hair and the glasses," Edward was looking in the opposite direction from the woman he described. She was sitting in a tub chair in the corner.

"How do you know?"

"I can hear her thoughts. She's wondering if it's us, but she thinks we look too young."

I started to move towards her but Edward pulled me back quickly. "Look hesitant. It would seem odd if we walked up to her directly without knowing exactly who she was."

"Oh, yeah, of course." That was probably basic stuff from Vampire 101.

"How are you feeling?" I asked him, realising he had just laid eyes on his great granddaughter.

He breathed out slowly. "I don't know yet."

I squeezed his hand and reached up to kiss his cheek. He smiled down at me and though he was nervous I could see the tenderness in his beautiful eyes.

After a moment he let Rebecca catch his eye and she stood up and approached us. I felt him tense.

"I don't know what to say to her," he whispered, barely moving his lips. I was surprised by the nerves in his voice.

"Um, maybe just start with 'hello'?"

He nodded, just as she reached us.

"Hi, I'm Rebecca Rigby. Are you Edward Masen?" she asked politely. Her voice was soft and her face was open and kind. I guessed she was about forty years old and I wasn't sure why, but I was glad that her eyes were a deep blue and not green. She held out her hand. I knew Edward had been dreading this, but he extended his hand without a moment's hesitation and grasped hers. I saw the slight intake of breath as she experienced the feel of his cold fingers and icy palm. Edward acted like nothing was out of place - make the human doubt there is anything wrong.

"Hello," he said, no trace of nerves now, his voice was smooth and polite as he slipped into character. "I'm pleased to meet you, Rebecca. This is my fiancé, Bella." His hand was on the small of my back. I shook hands and Rebecca seemed relieved when she felt my warm skin.

"Thank you so much for coming," she was smiling warmly. "George will be so pleased, even if you don't have much information for him."

"It's our pleasure." Edward's voice was still calm, but his hand was on mine now and his fingers, squeezing and releasing, over and over, gave away the truth. Suddenly he dropped my hand and opened his jacket. He pulled out an envelope. "Here are the papers and diary. I'm glad I can return them to you in person." He grabbed hold of my hand again. Rebecca took the envelope and put it in the large bag slung over her shoulder.

"Thank you. It made interesting reading, didn't it?"

Only I would have been aware of the sharp breath Edward took in. To the outside world nothing was amiss as he answered, "Yes, very interesting."

Rebecca smiled and motioned to the lifts at the side of the foyer.

"Well, shall we go up and see George? Hopefully he'll be awake. He sleeps a lot these days. And I should make you aware, the stroke has left him unable to communicate very much, but he understands everything you say." She pressed the button to go up.

"So, you're getting married?"

"Yes," I said, squeezing Edward's hand in mine.

"When's the big day?"

"We've not set the date yet," Edward's turn to squeeze my hand as he answered that one.

"Well, you're both so young, there's plenty of time."

We nodded together.

"Where exactly have you come from? The lawyers didn't mention when they contacted me." The lawyers didn't know. Their only contact detail for Edward was an email address.

"Washington." Edward didn't miss a beat. Keep things general, vague. No specifics.

The lift doors opened and we entered. Rebecca pressed the button for the third floor.

"I understand you can't tell us much about George's father?"

"No, not much at all." Edward said before beginning the story that he and Carlisle had carefully put together, so that checking facts would be almost impossible. "My own parents died when I was younger and I've been living with my adopted family for some years now. I don't remember a great deal, but I can tell you Edward Masen was cousins with my great grandfather."

"Oh, I see," Rebecca was interested.

Edward continued. "He never married and, apart from George of course, he had no children. We were his only family. I don't remember him myself, he died when I was two, but I can recall my parents talking about him when I was a little older."

The lift doors opened and we stepped out, following Rebecca along a sterile, white hallway with numbered doors leading off it. At the end of the hall was a large pane of glass which looked out over an ornamental lake and manicured gardens. She stopped at room number thirty one and tapped on the door before turning the handle and walking in.

Edward's eyes flickered to mine. I winked at him and squeezed his hand and a corner of his mouth twitched up in a nervous smile. Together we stepped into room thirty one to meet Edward's son.

The man lying in the bed was asleep. He seemed small and frail, curled up beneath the blue waffle blanket, his skin was papery and white but there was the faintest bloom of colour in his cheeks. His hands were resting on top of the covers and his fingers were long. Like Edward's. A ring of short, tufty, silver hair circled his head, sticking out in all directions. I realised I was smiling.

This was Edward's son. This man in the bed came from Edward. I'd been worried how I'd feel when actually faced with George. But I was surprised when a realisation hit me. I loved Edward, and sometimes loving someone meant making room in your life for other people, too.

Rebecca was leaning over the bed.

"Grandpa?" she whispered.

I turned to look at Edward. He was standing very still, statue still, looking at the man in the bed. His expression was almost puzzled, his breathing very shallow. I stroked his hand and put my arm around him as he looked down at me.

"Your son," I mouthed, so Rebecca wouldn't hear, and then I smiled, hoping he could see the acceptance in my face.

His frown deepened, and he swallowed hard. He looked back at George and he took his bottom lip between his teeth for a moment. I tried to guess what he was feeling, I wondered vaguely if he was thinking of Lucy, but too many emotions were flickering across his face and in his eyes. Then he looked back at me, studying me intently, as if trying to gauge _my_ feelings. After a moment he nodded.

"My son," he mouthed back to me as he pulled me close. "I love you," he whispered in my ear and the emotion in his voice surged through me.

"He'll probably wake soon. Would you like to sit and wait for a little while?" Rebecca stood back from the bed and turned to us.

Edward nodded and we sat in the chairs while Rebecca sat on the end of the bed. Our hands were linked between the arm rests and Edward's thumb stroked softly over my skin.

I looked around the room. It was clean and bright but a little clinical. George was sleeping in a hospital bed and there were hospital drawers and a hospital cupboard. The window looked out onto a roof top and air conditioning plant. There were a couple of potted plants on the window sill and on the drawers and some pictures on the walls. I wondered if Rebecca had been trying to make the room a little more warm and friendly.

After a moment Edward spoke, smooth and clear, but I could sense the effort that it took.

"Are all the rooms like this one?"

"No, this is a basic room. There are much nicer ones, but I can't afford it, unfortunately. But the care is excellent, regardless of the room." She looked behind her at George for a moment. " I was lucky I could get him in here, it's a very good facility."

Edward nodded, then reached into his jacket again. "I thought you might be interested in this." He brought out a piece of paper which I knew was a forged death certificate. He passed it to Rebecca.

"Ah, so Edward Masen died in 1990," she said reading the first page. "And he was your great grandfather's cousin, you say. So that would make him your ... ?"

Edward gave a practiced laugh. "I don't know exactly, it's too far back to work out. I think he would be something like a second cousin, six times removed."

Rebecca laughed too and I joined in.

"So your relationship to George, and me, would be ... oh, I can't even try to work it out"" she laughed.

"No, it's complicated ... and remote." Edward was smiling but his jaw was clamped tight.

Rebecca smiled back but seemed to be studying him carefully, now.

"And are you named after him?"

"No, I don't believe so."

Rebecca smiled again, her head on one side, her eyes not leaving his face. I was starting to feel nervous - it was almost like she was seeing through the facade.

But Edward was playing his role seamlessly. Slowly she folded her hands in her lap.

Then, he said something I would never have expected. "Actually, I'm feeling hungry. Is there anywhere we can get something to eat while we wait?" He smiled at Rebecca, making sure he didn't show too many teeth, I noticed.

I felt my jaw drop, then quickly closed my mouth again.

"Oh, of course." Rebecca hopped off the bed immediately. "There's a kiosk in the grounds, we can go there and then George will probably be awake by the time we get back. Good idea."

She leant over the bed. "We'll be back soon, Grandpa," she said and brushed her hand across his forehead.

I looked at Edward, trying to ask him with my eyes what was going on. But he gave me a non-committal smile. No teeth. I had to assume that something in Rebecca's thoughts was behind his unusual behaviour..

Minutes later we were sitting in the _Have a Cup_ kiosk. Edward picked up the menu and handed it to me. "What looks good, Bella?" he smiled. I looked down at the menu. Did he want me to order for him?

"Er, um, just a blueberry muffin, I think."

Rebecca had picked up her own menu. "Mm, I think I'll have the french toast." She ran her finger down the page.

Edward motioned for the waitress, who had been behind the counter, ogling him, since we came in. She hurried over eagerly.

"Could we please have a blueberry muffin, the french toast, and I'll have a rare roast beef sandwich."

I tried to make my face look as normal as possible. But it was hard. Edward was ordering food. I wondered if he would actually eat it. I knew he _could_ eat, if he had to. He'd taken a bite of pizza, once, in front of me. But mostly, I wondered what had brought all this on.

The waitress wrote slowly, obviously trying to delay her departure from Edward's side. We waited patiently.

"I'm curious about something," Edward began casually as the waitress finally walked away. "How did George find out about Edward? Did Lucy tell him?"

Rebecca shook her head.

"No. After Lucy died George was going through her things and found the diary in a box with some old letters. We're just glad that her husband died some years earlier without knowing. He would have been devastated - he adored George."

I felt some of the tension leave Edward's body. I gave his hand a squeeze. Here was an answer to something I knew would have been worrying him. Had Jonathan Rigby been a good father? As shocked and distressed as Edward had been by all this, he would have wanted his son to have a happy childhood.

Rebecca poured some water from the bottle on the table and took a sip before she continued.

"It was a huge shock for George. I mean, you read it, you can imagine how he felt. But then he became curious. He and his wife Marion, my grandmother, decided to try and find out about Edward Masen and see if there were any remaining family. He wondered if he had half brothers and sisters out there somewhere."

Edward nodded.

"But Edward Masen was very hard to trace, and George was busy with his work, so there would be whole slabs of time, years even, where he didn't pursue it at all. But the desire to find out was always there. After the stroke we didn't know how much time he had left so that's when I decided I'd try to pick up the cause and find out what I could." She took another sip of water. "He'll be so pleased, even to have this small piece of the picture."

The waitress hurried over with our orders on a tray. She set the plates in front of us and backed away slowly. I thought she might trip over her tongue.

Rebecca took a bite of her french toast and I started my muffin. Beside me, Edward began tucking into his rare roast beef sandwich. He bit and chewed and except for the slightest shudder as the first swallow went down, you would think he'd been eating all his vampire life. I tried to hide my surprise and the conversation continued while we ate.

"What sort of work did George do?" Edward asked between bites. I knew this was something that was important to him. To know what George had done in his life.

Rebecca's eyes lit up.

"He was a music teacher, but when he retired he set up a music school for disadvantaged kids, here in the city." Her expression became passionate as she started talking about George's work. "These are kids who would never attend a concert or even see a musical instrument up close. Many have never even heard the word symphony. He really believes music can turn a person's life around and he's been doing wonderful work for almost twenty years now."

Edward had become stone beside me. Under the table I gripped his hand and he held on to me like a life line. He swallowed and I could see a flicker of strong emotion cross his face.

"Are you involved with the school too?" I asked, stepping in quickly. If I kept her talking she mightn't notice the slip in Edward's facade. I realised what George's work would mean to him. His love of music had been passed on and was doing good in the world. Beneath my hand his fingers were trembling.

Across the table, Rebecca was nodding.

"I am, actually. I'm not musical, but I'm a social worker, and I've been working with George for about ten years now. We've had some of the most amazing success stories."

Edward's composure had returned. He took a breath and smiled.

"And are you the only family George has, now?" he asked quietly. He pushed his empty plate away from him and poured some water from the bottle in the middle of the table. I watched as he raised the glass and let the clear fluid pass over his lips.

"Almost," she said. "We've always been a close family, but my own parents have passed on now, and my brother lives overseas at the moment so it was just me and George and Marion. And my husband, Marc." She gave a sad smile. "But Marion died two months ago and it destroyed George. He had the stroke two weeks later."

I saw the muscles in Edward's jaw tensing. Obviously he was hearing the things that Rebecca wasn't saying. She cleared her throat and drank some water.

"Anyway, before I forget," she plunged into her bag, "I don't know if you have any photos of Edward Masen, so I thought you might like to see this. It was with Lucy's things. I can get you a copy of it if you like." She pulled out a photo and looked at it. "The resemblance is uncanny. You could be twins," she said, raising an eyebrow at Edward before putting the photo on the table and pushing it across to us.

I wondered for a moment why Lucy kept the photo, but a thrill of anticipation washed through me. A photo of Edward when he was human" I wanted to see. I reached out to pull the photo closer, leaning over to get a good look.

Oh. But I wasn't prepared for this. I knew my gasp was audible and I felt a coldness overtake me.

It wasn't just Edward. It was Edward and Lucy together. They were in profile, he was sitting at a grand piano, his fingers on the keys, his eyes cast down, concentrating. His hair was smooth, slicked back, and perhaps his jaw wasn't quite as square, but he was very much the same. She stood behind him, her hand resting on his shoulder. She was wearing a pearl ring. This was an engagement photo. A photo taken on _that_ night. Nausea rolled through me as I looked at her, knowing what she had planned. She was angled slightly more towards the camera and I could see her cheekbones were high and fine. Her hair was fair and it curled softly around her face. She was tiny, her posture was elegant and she was smiling sweetly. She had been beautiful. I wasn't aware of Edward's reaction beside me until I saw his long fingers reach out and gently push the photo back across the table.

Somewhere in the distance I could hear voices.

"Would you like a copy?"

"No. Thank you."

I took some deep breaths and was slowly becoming aware of Edward's hand gripping mine tightly under the table.

"Perhaps George is awake, now," he said politely. We stood and Edward pulled me to him, tucking me into his side before kissing me softly behind the ear and whispering "Everest".

George _was_ awake. He was sitting up in a special invalid chair, looking out the window at the air conditioning plant. A nurse was freshening up his pillows and straightening the bed. Rebecca thanked her as she left the room.

"Grandpa, hi" You're up now." She went over and kissed the top of his head. "I've brought Edward Masen to meet you."

Rebecca turned George's chair around so he was facing into the room. Now that he was upright and awake I could make out something of Edward in the shape of his sad, faded green eyes. Though he was hunched over a little, he didn't seem so small now. It was hard to tell, but I thought that perhaps he was a similar height to Edward.

George Rigby looked at us, but he didn't seem to register our presence at first. His hands rested loosely in his lap. Then, very slowly he tilted his head and I could see the sadness in his eyes fade, replaced with curiosity. He didn't need words to communicate, Rebecca was right. Beside me, Edward's hand tightened around mine, his eyes fixed on the man in front of him. He inclined his head slightly and frowned. Then his eyebrows shot up and he gave a quick laugh which he covered with a cough. I wondered whose thoughts he'd heard and what they'd been thinking.

Rebecca was fussing with the blanket over George's knees.

"As I said, he can't speak anymore, and he has very little movement now, but you just have to read his eyes, they tell you everything."

A small smile formed on Edward's lips as he looked at George. "Yes, they certainly do," he whispered.

"So come and say hello." Rebecca had finished adjusting George's blanket and took up her place on the end of the bed again. Edward and I moved to the chairs. I sat down and Edward looked at me, his expression a little unsure.

"Maybe just start with 'hello'?" I whispered, repeating my earlier advice. Edward's face relaxed into a smile. He pulled up a chair, sat opposite his son and took a deep breath.

"Hello, George. I'm Edward, it's very good to meet you."


	6. Chapter 6: What Edward Heard

**All things Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended.**

* * *

We sat with George for about about forty minutes. Edward explained the fabricated relationship between them and George seemed to watch him closely. Though his eyes had held such sadness when we arrived, as the visit went on they seemed to brighten a little. Rebecca was right - his eyes told you everything.

"I'm sorry there's so little I can tell you." I could hear the trace of sadness in Edward's tone and I understood the true meaning behind the words. "I know he loved music, like you. But you would have seen that yourself, in the diary."

Edward sat back in the chair, studying George for a moment. Then his eyes flickered to Rebecca, who was sitting on the bed, clearly happy that her grandfather's wish was being fulfilled, as far as it could be.

"Edward, I'm sure George would like to hear a bit about _you_," she said, suddenly.

Edward shifted in the chair and reached out casually to take my hand. Relaxed. Open. Nothing to hide.

"I'm not very interesting, I'm afraid." He smiled. "I've just graduated from high school. Bella and I are going to Dartmouth together and we plan to marry some time in the future." He shrugged. "That's about it, really."

There was a sudden, slight stiffening around his shoulders and he flexed his fingers. He seemed to hesitate about something and I wondered again, what thoughts he'd heard.

"But I do share a common interest with George and Edward. I also enjoy music." He swallowed. "I've played the piano since I was a child."

"And he plays the guitar," I added on impulse. Edward looked at me, one corner of his mouth twitching.

"And the guitar," he confirmed.

Rebecca was smiling. "It must be genetic. The piano is Grandpa's favourite instrument. He played beautifully, right up until the stroke." She reached out and put her hand on George's shoulder. "But he still listens to his favourite pieces every day. The nurses put them on for him." She pointed to the small CD player on the chest of drawers.

Edward stood up and walked over to look at the small stack of cases piled beside the player. "Many of these are my favourites too," he murmured almost to himself. Briefly his polite mask slipped and I saw some strong emotion flash across his face. But it was only a second, and then the mask was back and he returned to character. Politely interested. I could only imagine how difficult this must be for him.

George's eyes were still watching Edward. His face was partly paralysed from the stroke, but I thought I could see a smile trying to form at one side of his mouth. Edward rubbed his hand over his face, then seemed to come to a decision.

"I also like jazz and blues," he said softly. Then he took a sharp breath, and spoke. "As I said, I was very young when Edward died and I don't remember him, but I think Iremember hearing that he liked baseball, and books."

George's mouth tried that same half smile again and Edward smiled back. "And, I don't know what work he did, but I believe he studied medicine for a while."

He came and sat down then, picking up my hand again as he did so. Rebecca was watching him curiously.

The door opened and a nurse entered with a medication tray. Rebecca stood and gathered her things. Apparently this was our cue to leave. We stood up and Rebecca thanked us again for taking the trouble to come. "It's meant a lot to George, I know that," she said as she shook Edward's hand, bracing herself for the temperature of his skin, I noticed.

So that was it, then. We were about to leave, and we wouldn't be returning. Edward had done what had been asked of him - he'd met George and provided him with a little information about his father. Rebecca was grateful and didn't expect anything more. Edward wouldn't see George again.

I wasn't sure how I felt. Part of me was relieved - glad that it was over, we could drop the charade and in a moment I could ask Edward what had been going on that I didn't 'hear'. Part of me hoped that now we could put the stress of the past couple of weeks behind us and move on. But I was surprised to find that another part of me was sad. George would never know that Edward was his father. Edward would never see his son again. Their story was just ... sad.

I was staring at the floor, frowning and biting my lip. I'd been worried about Edward, about me, about how we would be effected by George coming into our lives. But I'd never considered _just how plain sad _it was. I sighed and looked to Edward, to see how he was feeling. Rebecca was talking to him, but he was watching me and his eyes were anxious. Then he flicked his attention back to Rebecca, the mask in place, polite and courteous as he assured her, again, that it had been his pleasure to help out.

Then he moved across to George.

George wasn't able to shake hands, but I felt my heart skip when Edward reached out slowly and very gently clasped his hand around his son's. He held it for a moment, looking into George's eyes. "It was a very great pleasure to meet you, George," he said. Then he smiled, but it faltered slightly and he took a sharp breath. A second later the smile returned. He squared his shoulders as he stepped away and we left the room.

Rebecca stayed behind for a moment to discuss medication with the nurse. We said goodbye again and rode down in the lift alone. Edward didn't speak. He held my hand like it was a life line, but he didn't look at me. The lift doors opened and we walked across the lobby and out into the car park. Rain was falling and Edward pulled me quickly towards the Volvo. But I'd never been good on slippery surfaces, and as he pulled me my shoes lost grip and I started to fall. Before I even hit the ground, he'd scooped me up in his arms and carried me the rest of the distance. He opened the door and slid me into my seat, still not looking at me as he shut the door and walked around to get in the other side. My eyes never left him. I was starting to feel worried.

He put the key in the ignition, but didn't start the car. His arms were stretched out in front of him, hands grasping the steering wheel, and his head hung down between them. I reached out a hand and placed it gently on his arm.

"Edward? Are you okay?"

He nodded stiffly, still looking down. Then he sighed and turned to me.

"Are _you_ alright?" he asked, very quiet. His eyes were anxious again.

"Um, I think so. I didn't actually hit the ground."

"I didn't mean that," he said softly, "although I _am _glad you weren't hurt." He gave me a small half-smile.

"Please don't spare my feelings, Bella. Tell me honestly, are you alright ... with everything?" His eyes were burning into mine, anticipating, seeking answers. "I saw your face, just before we left George's room. I'd understand if ... ,"

Suddenly, I realised what he was asking.

"I'm not going anywhere, if that's what you mean. Well, not without you, anyway."

He was still staring into my eyes, hard. After a moment a smile began to creep across his face. His hand reached up and cupped my cheek and the anxiety in his eyes melted away, revealing a tenderness that made my heart stutter. I leant over and kissed him.

"I love you, Edward."

The relief was strong in his eyes as he wrapped his arms around me and pulled me against his chest, nuzzling his face against my hair as he breathed my name. His breathing was slow and deep and though I had so many questions, they would have to wait for the moment.

He pulled away suddenly. "Lets go somewhere and talk," he said as he started the engine.

Edward drove for a while, out of the city and into an area of national park. We drove along roads heavily edged with forest and it reminded me of Forks. There was a track leading to a picnic area where the heavy wooden tables and benches were wet from the rain. As it was a weekday, and raining, the space was empty. Edward parked the car and we walked, hand in hand, to an area of dry ground under a broad canopy of trees at the edge of the clearing. A creek was running noisily a short distance away, I could just see it through the trees. We sat down on the soft grass. Edward's knees were pulled up and he rested his head on them, arms hugging his legs. He hadn't spoken since we'd left the car park at the Nursing Home.

Something told me that silence was right just now, and that Edward would talk when he was ready. I just had to be there. The water was dripping slowly from the leaves at the edge of the canopy, making a wet ring on the grass around us. But we stayed dry.

After a moment Edward spoke.

"I _am_ alright. Now. But I wasn't before."

I waited.

"When we were waiting in the lobby to meet Rebecca, I nearly left. I wanted to grab you and just ... run."

My mouth dropped open, but I shut it again quickly. I was really surprised to hear him say that. I knew he'd been nervous, that much was clear to me, but I didn't realise he'd considered running. How much had he been hiding? His head was still resting on his knees but he turned his face to look at me.

"I was so scared, Bella." I could see his eyes were full of emotion. The anxiety he'd obviously been hiding for the past day, perhaps the past two weeks, was coming out. The words tumbled from his lips.

"You've been so ... there are no words for how strong, how wonderful, you've been. But I've been terrified ever since we decided to come here, that it would be too much for you."

He closed his eyes and let out a long breath. I stayed where I was, just taking my cues from him.

"I was scared that when you met George, when you were faced with the evidence, the reality, of my ... of what happened, you_ would_ see me differently. And you'd leave me."

Alice had told me he'd felt that way. I'd never expected to hear him say it, though.

Edward opened his eyes. They seemed a little calmer now.

"Last night in the car, while you were sleeping, I almost turned around and drove back to Forks. I looked at you, so beautiful beside me, knowing how much all of this had hurt you, and I couldn't bare to think of causing you more pain."

My heart was aching for him now.

"But when we were in the lobby and I saw Rebecca, I started to feel real fear. Fear of losing you, mainly, but suddenly, I was nervous of _meeting_ them. I hadn't felt that before. Suddenly ... I was worried what they'd think of me. Whether they'd feel wary, like most humans do." He scrunched his shoulders in a shrug, still hugging his knees. "I guess part of me was scared they wouldn't like me."

I couldn't stop myself anymore.

"Oh, Edward!" I reached over and threw my arms around him, hugging him hard. He rested his head on my arm, and kept talking. I held on and listened.

"And then I was worried how _I'd_ feel. Remembering that night had been painful, learning about my behaviour had shocked me, but I didn't know how I would feel when I actually _saw_ George." He sucked in a sharp breath. "Would I feel angry for all the ... anguish, and pain, his appearance had caused - even though the fault was mine, not his? Would seeing him just compound the shame and guilt and disgust I already felt for myself? Would I like him? _Should _I like him? And if I did, would that cause you even more pain? Would you see it as more betrayal?" He closed his eyes tight.

I couldn't believe all this had been going on in his head while we'd waited in the lobby. I knew he'd been nervous, but not this" There'd been no clue. How he'd kept himself together, I couldn't imagine.

Edward's head had moved, nestled against my chest now, my arms still around his shoulders. My right hand was gently stroking his head and I sensed that my heartbeat was giving him some feeling of peace.

"When we first went into his room, and I saw him ... I just felt disbelief. This person had come from _me. _I didn't know what to feel. I kept looking at you, trying to read your face. Then, when you said what you said ... ," the tremor was clear in his voice, "... when you looked at me and said 'your son', and I saw the ... love, and the acceptance, in your eyes, I thought my heart was going to burst." Now there was a smile in his voice. "As impossible as it is, that's how I felt. I couldn't believe the love you were showing me. And then, for the first time since I found out about George, I was able to feel something else instead of shame and guilt. And you did that Bella."

My hand stilled on his neck as the depth and sincerity in his voice moved me beyond words, beyond actions.

Edward lifted his head. Slowly, he took my face in his hands and looked into my eyes, deep. His were so filled with love, I felt my breath catch. I didn't know how a person could have so much love in them. Yes I did - because I felt it too. For him.

He took a deep breath, his eyes searching mine.

"I know we won't have children, Bella, and I don't think you know how much I wish I could give that to you." I felt my heart twist. "And I know that it's been troubling you, that Lucy ... had my child." His face crumpled in a frown as he said her name and those last words. I was surprised that he'd picked up on those feelings of mine. Even _I_ had refused to give any acknowledgment to them after the first couple of days, though I knew they were there, just niggling from time to time. But today, meeting George had actually dispelled all of that for me. When I saw George, I just saw Edward, no-one else. I opened my mouth to tell him, but he softly placed his thumbs over my lips. His eyes melted into mine and I lost the power of speech then, anyway. He moved his thumbs back to my cheeks and continued speaking.

"I know it's bothered you, more than you've let me know. But Bella, Lucy didn't give me a son, you did." My heart stuttered. "You gave me the forgiveness, the love, the acceptance and the courage to do this today. George came to me through you." He took one of my hands in his and kissed each of my fingers, never taking his eyes off mine. "That's the only way I see it."

I couldn't speak. I just could not speak. The tears started and even though I didn't want to cry, there was no way I could stop. Edward stroked his thumbs across my cheeks, catching the tears as they fell there. Through the blur I could see him smiling.

"Ssh, don't cry, love," he said softly as he pulled me to him, cradling me against his chest.

Edward held me in his arms, stroking my cheek with his hand. I was perfectly calm and contented and realised I hadn't felt that way in a while. I snuggled deeper into him. He seemed so much calmer, now. His eyes were peaceful. He'd let go of the shame and guilt that had filled him. After a while the cloud cover began to clear, just a little. A very feeble ray of sunlight floated through the canopy above and set up a soft shimmer on Edwards hands around me.

I sniffed, sat up and smiled at him.

"I want to hear more. I liked George. And Rebecca. They both seem like really nice people, Edward," I reached out to run my fingers through his hair. He nuzzled against my hand and brought his head down to rest on my chest again.

"They_ are_ really nice people," he was thoughtful. "Rebecca has a kind heart and mind. She's intelligent and she genuinely cares about people. And George ... ," he smiled. "... George is just the same. And they're both passionate about the music school and the kids they work with."

"He loves music," I said smiling.

Edward sighed and I watched as a small smile crossed his lips. "Yes, he does."

"And he's done a lot of good work. See, I told you he'd be a good man." I paused. "You should be proud of him, Edward."

He took a quick intake of breath and looked up at me. His eyes were soft as he spoke.

"I am."

Then his smile faded and he sighed. "But they both have sharp instincts and they're very perceptive." He took a deep breath. "Rebecca didn't realise but she came very close to working out what I was." His voice was strained now and I sat bolt upright as he spoke.

"How?" How? What had he done to make her think that? It's not like he had fangs and a black cape. The disbelief was clear in my voice. "How did she come close? Is that why we had lunch?"

He nodded. He was sitting up now, too, cross-legged, beside me. He took my hand in his and rested it on his leg.

"Like I said, she's very perceptive. They both are. Almost straight away Rebecca knew there was something wrong with me."

"There's _nothing_ wrong with you."

Edward rolled his eyes. "_Different_, then. She knew there was something different about me. Is that better?"

"Much," I squeezed back. "But why did she think that?"

"Well, my skin, the colour of my eyes. My ... appearance. Her initial thoughts were that there was something _other worldly_ about me."

Okay, so his skin was cold and his eye were gold, and he was inhumanly gorgeous, but wasn't that just unusual? It didn't scream _vampire_, did it?

"But along with her perceptive mind she has a fertile imagination. She'd already gone through various possibilities, just for fun, like my being a ghost, time traveller, alien." Then he dropped his head back and sighed. "And then a bit later in the conversation, when she was laughing, trying to work out my complicated relationship to George, I smiled. I was nervous and must have shown too many teeth. Suddenly her mind said _vampire_." He exhaled sharply. "But it was the typical Hollywood-style vampire ... ,"

"Fangs and a cape," I said quietly.

He nodded. "She went over her checklist again, ... pale skin, cold, strange eye colour. She wasn't taking herself seriously, but it put me on my guard."

"And that's when you suggested lunch?"

"I just thought it would be wise to appear as normal as possible."

I remembered him as he ate the roast beef sandwich.

"How did it taste?"

"Revolting," he shuddered and I laughed, taking my hand from his and putting my arms around him, resting my head on his shoulder. Then a thought occurred to me. "What happens to it now? Can you digest it?"

"Er, no. I'll have to get rid of it later." He looked away, towards the creek.

"Um, how?" This was something I'd never really thought of. Edward seemed a bit awkward, all of a sudden.

"Er, I'll have to, um, choke it back up." He grimaced.

"Really?"

"Uh huh. Not pleasant, but it was worth it to change the direction of Rebecca's thoughts."

"It worked, then?"

"Yes. She didn't go down that path again. In her own words, she was just being ridiculous_._ But she was still curious about me. She found me ... intriguing. And she thought it was out of the ordinary that I would put myself to so much trouble and travel so far when there was so little I could tell George." He gave a shrug. " At least she wasn't scared and I was glad for that - she just couldn't put her finger on what it was about me that was different. She liked me, though," he added with a smile.

"Of course. What's not to like?" I said casually, but I was pleased for him.

He laughed. "She liked you, too." His arm went around me and tightened as I blushed. "She thinks we're good together."

I snuggled into his side. I knew that.

"Now tell me about George?"

Edward raised his eyebrows as he let out a breath. His first words were simple. "I liked him very much." He picked at a blade of grass, rolling it between his fingers. "He's been so very sad since his wife died, but our visit broke through that for a while, he enjoyed meeting us. But he also recognised there was something different about me, though he didn't go down the supernatural path. At first."

"At first?"

Edward nodded.

"First he was surprised by the strong resemblance between me and the man in the photo." He turned to me suddenly, his eyes worried again. "I'm so sorry about that Bella," he said it in a rush. "I didn't know it was coming. When I saw it I ..."

I put my finger to his lips. "It's okay. Yeah, I was freaked out by it. But it's okay. I'm Mt Everest, remember?"

He laughed and his face relaxed. "Yes, you are." He brushed his lips against mine and I sighed.

"Keep telling me about, George."

His eyebrows came together as he continued.

"Like Rebecca, he picked up that I was different, somehow. And it was almost like he knew I could read his mind." Edward's frown deepened, like he was trying to puzzle it out. "He went from vague thoughts just wandering through his mind, to asking me specific questions. He noticed that I had long fingers, like his. He wondered if I played an instrument, and he asked what music I liked. It was hard not to answer him directly." His eyebrows pulled together even more. "At first I wondered if it was just the way he processed thoughts, but then, after I'd finished telling him I was a remote cousin, he looked at me and said _I'd like to hear the real story some time, _and that really threw me." He ran his fingers through his hair as he shook his head. " Just before I got up to look at his CDs, he said something else ..."

I waited, my frown was matching Edward's now.

"He said,_ You know, I've lived a long time and I've learned that there's more to this world than what the eye can see, or what the brain will admit to._ It was like he was encouraging me, giving me permission to tell him the truth. That's when I decided to tell him how I ... how _Edward, _liked baseball and books. And studied medicine. I wanted to give him _something._"

"Do you think he _did_ know? Who you are, I mean."

"I don't think so. I didn't see anything _that_ specific in his mind. Just that he knew there was something more going on." He frowned again and sighed heavily. "Anyway, it made him happy to know a bit more about his father."

Edward swallowed and ducked his head. "But when we left, when I said goodbye, he was grateful that I'd come and his thoughts ... he hoped ... he hoped he'd seen some of his father reflected in me." He let out a long breath.

"That's pretty amazing, Edward." I reached up to cup his face in my hand, I could imagine what George's parting thoughts would mean to him.

He nodded. After a moment he gave a laugh.

"You know, the first thing he thought when he saw me? Rebecca introduced me and he looked straight at me and thought _I don't care who he is, he needs a haircut._"

I burst out laughing and Edward joined in as I ran my hand through his hair.

Suddenly his arms pulled me tight against his chest.

"He liked you. He thinks I'm a very lucky, young man and told me to hang on to you."

"_I'm_ the lucky one." I smiled when I heard Edward chuckle.

"Not even close," he said and I rolled my eyes at him.

"So what happens now?"

Edward sighed and gave me my favourite smile. "I guess we go home. Together."

I nodded, squeezing his hand.

"Although, there is something I'd like to organise before we leave."

I looked at him. What?

"I'd like to move George into a better room. One with a view. He doesn't have much time left at all, I'd like that time to be as pleasant as possible. It's one thing I _can_ do for him."

I smiled at him, but I wondered.

"Do you think you can manage that? Would Rebecca think it's odd?"

"There are some spare rooms overlooking the garden, I heard it in the nurse's thoughts. Money isn't an issue and I'm sure I'll be able to organise with the management to move him," he said with a dazzling smile. I felt my heart skip and he laughed. "And I'll make sure Rebecca will never know it was me."

I nodded, suddenly remembering one of the things I'd been wanting to ask.

"Edward, what happened at lunch, when Rebecca was talking about her parents and brother? You tensed right up."

Edward's mouth flattened into a thin line.

"Mm, that wasn't good," he sighed. "I'm not sure what happened to her parents, her thoughts flickered over them quickly although I got the impression that they were together when they died." He frowned and picked up a leaf from the ground, shredding it into strips. "I could see that her father was George's son, though." I put my hand on his arm. "But her brother ... ." His frown deepened. I waited, again.

"From what I saw and heard, her brother, Paul, had been a soldier. He'd been in Kuwait and didn't settle well when he came home. It looked like there was trouble with the police, but I'm not sure what, exactly. I think he might have spent some time in prison."

I felt my eyebrows go up in surprise. I wondered what he'd done.

"He's been a mercenary in South America for the last four years now, but no-one's heard from him in two. He's presumed dead."

"Oh" Edward, that's awful"" My hand on his arm tightened.

He nodded. "Yes, it is."

"I ... I know you didn't know them, but ... I'm sorry."

He looked at me and his eyes were sad. "It upsets Rebecca to think about him. I feel ...,"

Please don't feel responsible, please don't feel responsible. I chanted the words to myself, hoping he wasn't going to blame his genetic input and take on guilt for his great grandson's actions and mistakes.

"I feel sad that his life went that way."

Relief washed through me as I realised he wasn't going to blame himself, or his genes. I smiled to myself - maybe there was hope for him after all. I rested my head on his shoulder again and asked another question. A big one.

"Will you want to keep in touch? I know George doesn't have long, but with Rebecca?"

Edward tipped his head to one side, his eyes were thoughtful.

"I don't think so. She has her life - her husband and her work. And there's really no place for either of us to have a part in the other's life. She's happy. And I'm happy. I think we can just leave it there." He smiled at me. "I can always check in from time to time. Without her knowing, of course."

I smiled back and hugged him.

He kissed me softly, then whispered in my ear. "Come on, lets head back." He helped me to my feet.

The rain started to drizzle again as Edward started the engine and headed the car back into the city. There was music on the stereo and our hands were joined between us. Edward's thumb was making patterns on the back of my hand.

"Bella, if I ask, will you tell me something?"

I always hated it when he did this.

"Maybe, probably. I don't know, it depends if you dazzle me or not."

He smirked but then his mood became serious.

"I was wondering what you were thinking, in George's room, when we were leaving" He lifted our hands, still joined, and stroked one finger along my jaw. His eyes studied me closely. "Your face was so pained."

"Oh," I wondered if I should tell him. I took a deep breath and shrugged. "Well, at first I was thinking how relieved I was that it was all over. And then about all the questions I had for you." I sighed, "But then I started to think it was sad that George can never know who you are. And that you'll probably never see him again."

Edward's frown deepened and he looked at me, puzzled. I shrugged. "I mean, it's just ... sad."

Edward sighed and shook his head. "You never cease to amaze me." His voice was thick and he looked away out the window.


	7. Chapter 7: Dancing and Decisions

**All things Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended.**

* * *

"Do you want to go out for dinner, or order room service?" Edward was smiling at me as I yawned. The sun was peeking through the cloud cover and every now and then sparks of light would bounce off Edward's hand on the steering wheel, making me smile. His other hand was clamped comfortably around mine.

"Room service, I think." I stretched in my seat. "It's been a looong day. I just want to get back to the room and relax. And you still have to, um, take care of your lunch."

His eyebrows came together slightly. "I'll go out later for that, when you're asleep. After the talking, of course."

"Go out?"

"I won't be gone long. It was only a sandwich."

"But why go out? We have a bathroom."

He grimaced. "Er, it's not something I'd really like to do with you in the next room, Bella."

"Oh, but ... ,"

He shook his head at me firmly as he smiled. "_Not _with you in the next room."

I frowned. I really didn't want him to have to go out to do that. It wouldn't have bothered me. I mean, it was something I'd have to deal with when I became a vampire, wasn't it?

"Have you eaten often?"

"Sometimes." Edward looked across at me. "You want to know when, don't you?"

I smiled and nodded.

He chuckled. "Well, mostly we're able to just give the illusion of eating - move the food around the plate, hiding some in napkins. But there _have_ been occasions when I've needed to eat. Once was at a medical dinner with Carlisle. That was awful, five courses." He shuddered. "I spent almost all night in the bathroom after that one."

I didn't let him see my_ eeeuuw _face.

"And another time there was a student dinner at Harvard. That was only three courses, not so bad." He pulled a face. "And a few times at school it's been necessary to take a couple of bites of something. Like pizza." He looked pointedly at me, smiling, and I laughed, remembering that day in the cafeteria.

"That's something I'll have to learn, isn't it? The illusion of eating thing."

"It's not hard, I'll teach you."

"And the getting rid of it, when it's not an illusion?"

He winced. "I'll teach you that, too." His fingers flexed on the steering wheel. "Although it won't be the most romantic thing we ever do together." He murmured the last words more to himself than to me.

I stretched again. I'd been in this car a lot, lately.

"Edward, I think when we get back to the hotel, I'll go for a walk so you can do your lunch thing. Without me being in the next room."

His lips thinned a little and I was pretty sure I knew what was coming next.

"There's no need for you to do that, Bella."

Yep, I was right. He didn't disappoint me. I took a breath and prepared for battle.

"I want to. I don't want you skulking off in the middle of the night to ... well, you know."

"And _I_ don't want _you_ walking around a strange city alone. It's not necessary. I can wait until later." He was using his _that's final_ tone.

"Edward," I put my hand on his arm, "I'm going to do it. I know you'd do the same for me if the situation was reversed."

"I can't let you go wandering around alone, Bella. Have you forgotten Port Angeles? I haven't." His eyes were hard on mine then.

I could see he wouldn't budge. But neither would I.

"Edward, I'm not asking your permission." My voice was quiet but firm. His eyes widened at me, then narrowed as he turned back to face the windscreen.

We pulled into the hotel car park and Edward turned off the engine. He got out and came around to open my door. His jaw was hard. I stepped out of the car and kissed him on the cheek.

"I'll see you in half an hour," I smiled as I started to walk towards the exit, but his hand was on my arm.

"Bella, please ... " Voice, eyes, both imploring. I took another deep breath.

"Edward. I'm going for a walk. I'll be fine. You just do what you need to do." I looked at him, no hesitation in my eyes. I'd been through a lot with him over the past two weeks, and I felt stronger for it. "Look, you're always doing things for my comfort or convenience. Let me do something for yours." I ran my finger along his cheekbone.

"Bella ... ,"

I cut him off. "No discussion, Edward. I'm perfectly capable of walking around by myself for a while."

Edward's face showed he was doubtful. But he also seemed to know he was beaten. Even so, I was still surprised when he nodded and reached into his pocket.

"At least take the phone." He put his small, silver phone in my hand. "Half an hour?" He still sounded unsure.

"Half an hour."

I was still smiling as I walked out into the street. We'd compromised. It was a small thing, but he hadn't tricked or dazzled me into giving in to him. And I hadn't backed down. This was a new side to our relationship. It felt good.

I wandered slowly along the street and around the corner. We were in an arty part of town and I ambled past a jewellery shop, a couple of antique shops, a small art gallery and was coming up to a row of cafes and bakeries ... when I saw it. It was in the window display of a vintage clothing ship. My mouth fell open and I began to laugh. I had to have it. Five minutes later I emerged from the shop, small paper bag swinging from my hand and a grin on my face. I couldn't wait to show him.

Edward opened the door before I even had time to reach for the handle.

"Bella!" He was relieved, and I rolled my eyes.

"See, safe and sound." I held my arms out and turned around.

"So I see," he said putting his arm around me and pulling me into a hug.

I laughed. "It was only half an hour, Edward."

"It was thirty seven minutes," he said into my hair. I knew what he meant. It seemed silly, but I'd missed him too, even in that short space of time.

"So did you take care of lunch?"

"I did, thank you." He let me out of the hug and pulled me by the hand to sit with him on the sofa. "And I also spoke to the Manager at the nursing home and she's arranging for George to move into a Garden View room tomorrow."

"Oh, Edward, that's great" I know he'll like that." George deserved a garden view.

He smiled shyly and his eyes went to the bag still in my hand. "You've actually been shopping without Alice? What's in the bag?"

"Ah," I grinned at him. "It's for you." I held it out. "It's not for public display. It's just for you and me, when we're together. Alone."

Edward raised a single eyebrow. I tried to stifle a giggle and he looked at me suspiciously before turning his attention to the bag and reaching inside. He pulled out the t-shirt and looked, now with both eyebrows raised. He held it up in front of him and grinned, giving an exaggerated sigh of resignation as he did so.

It was pale blue, like the one he'd worn in the photo on the internet. But the picture was different. In 1973 Snoopy had been asleep on top of his dog house. But in 2006 Snoopy was doing his happy dance - head thrown back, arms flung out wide.

"Do you like it?" Suddenly I felt nervous but Edward smiled, his eyes darkening just a little.

"This one, I _do _like," he said and pulled me into him. "Thank you." He kissed me softly and ran his nose along my jaw. "Just for us, yes?" he whispered, his icy breath sending shivers through me as it washed over my skin.

"Yes."

Edward's lips traced a gentle pattern along my cheek. "Why don't you have a hot bath, while I order dinner?" he whispered.

Fifteen minutes later I was in a bath full of bubbles while Edward was on the phone ordering the food I'd chosen from the menu. Lasagne, salad, and a hot chocolate for dessert. The warm water was relaxing and I could feel the tension flow out of my muscles, disappearing along with some of the bubbles. It had been a long two weeks. At first, I knew that things would never be the same between us, and I'd been right - things weren't the same and never would be. But I was pretty sure things were going to be better. We'd been through a lot, and we'd been through it together and it had made us stronger. Battling an army of crazed vampires was one thing, but these past two weeks had been the real test in our relationship. And we'd passed. But even though it was behind us now, and we'd worked through and both felt comfortable with where we were, a part of me still felt sad that George would never know the truth about his father. But I didn't know what more Edward could do, without risking exposure.

My thoughts were interrupted when Edward knocked on the door.

"Bella, dinner's here." His voice came softly through the door and I wriggled happily in the water at the thought of having dinner, and then curling up for the night with him. Just the two of us. No Charlie, no all-hearing, all-knowing vampires.

I climbed out of the bath, dried myself and pulled on my blue pyjama shorts and tank top. I wrapped myself up in the thick fluffy bath robe supplied by the hotel. The delicious aroma of the lasagne hit me as I opened the door.

"Mm, yum," I murmured.

"Mm, yes." Edward's eyes raked over me and I blushed. "You look cute in that robe. I'll have to buy you one," he chuckled.

I rolled my eyes at him, but then I took in the room. Properly.

"Edward, what have you done?"

He'd obviously kept the room service people busy.

There was a small, square table covered with a crisp, white cloth. A white taper candle in a silver holder sat in the middle with a bunch of flowers in a small, crystal vase. Edward had turned down the lights and there were dozens of candles, flickering softly, on every surface in the room. A soft jazz CD was playing on the sound system and its rhythms filled the air. Edward pulled my chair out and indicated for me to sit. I was about to protest, but stopped. He wanted to do something nice for me, I should accept it. After all, it wasn't like he was giving me a car. So instead I smiled and took my seat. Then, when Edward sat opposite me, my smile became a laugh.

"What?" Edward was chuckling at me.

"I'm just thinking how good you look, sitting there in your nice, white shirt. And here's me, in a fluffy bathrobe."

"You look beautiful. Now eat."

I was almost full to bursting when I finished and reached for the hot chocolate. I took a sip and made a face.

"No good?" Edward asked.

"It's fine. Just not as good as the one this morning." I set the cup down and sighed. "This is all lovely, Edward, thank you."

He smiled but then stood up from the table and came over to kiss my forehead.

"I'll be back in a minute," he said and started walking to the door.

"Where are you going?"

"Quick walk." Then he was gone and I was frowning.

The room seemed so empty, now. I stood up and wandered around, wondering where he'd gone and when he'd be back. I flicked through the tourist information folder and put it back on the coffee table. The music had moved from soft and slow to bright and bubbly now, and I realised I was tapping my feet in time to its rhythms. Then I started moving the top part of my body and then ... the music had taken me.

What's that saying? _Dance like no-one is watching? _Well, that's what I was doing. I didn't usually do this sort of thing - my room at Charlie's was too small and anyway, my clumsiness meant it was never a good idea. But this felt great, moving and bouncing around, like I was giving life to the way I was feeling.

But it was a short piece. The next one was smooth, slower and moodier. Sultry. I wasn't ready to stop dancing yet so I just changed my moves. It was awkward dancing in the bathrobe, so I took it off and dropped it on the chair.

Rain had started to fall and there was a sudden clap of thunder. I turned to look out the window. The skies had opened and the rain was hammering down through the dark now. I wondered if Edward was alright. He hadn't taken a jacket, but then, things like the cold and rain wouldn't bother a vampire. I kept dancing where I stood, looking out the window trying to see if I could find him as the rain poured down the glass. My mind drifted back over the last couple of days and settled on the conversation in the car the night before. How Edward had described the reaction I had on him. I hugged myself and smiled. The music flowed through me and my hips rolled and swayed with its rhythms while my hands moved slowly up and down my sides. I bent my knees and dropped down low, slowly rocking my hips from side to side, then sweeping them in circles as I started to rise back up again. To my surprise I didn't stumble or overbalance and a new confidence went through me. I reached up my arms and lifted my hair, letting it fall softly through my fingers and back down over my shoulders, around my face, as I continued swaying my hips and body. I did a slow turn, facing back into the room, and stopped dead.

I hadn't heard Edward come in.

At first I was embarrassed. But then, as my eyes took him in, my embarrassment changed to something else.

Edward was wet.

Completely, dripping, wet. His shirt clung to him, transparent, accentuating every muscle, every line, every curve of his chest, arms and shoulders. Tendrils of wet hair fell into his eyes. His lips were parted slightly and he slowly licked some moisture from the lower one. In his hand was a cup of hot chocolate from _Le Café_. It was steaming. But his eyes ... his eyes were burning.

"I've never seen you dance like that," his voice was rough.

I could feel my heart hammering, it was about to break through my chest. Break through my chest and fall on the floor. And it would still be beating a million miles a minute. I couldn't take my eyes off him.

"You're wet."

"It's raining."

I knew then, exactly, what I wanted to do.

The music flowed, soft and rich, as I walked towards him and his eyes were fixed on my every move. He seemed on edge, wary. Through his almost invisible shirt I could see the deep rise and fall of his chest. I detoured past the bed and picked up one of the white, fluffy towels neatly folded on the end, and threw it over my shoulder. A few more steps and I was standing in front of him. I took the cup from his hand and placed it carefully on the coffee table. Turning back I reached up and started to undo the buttons on his shirt, slowly. The music was filling the room, it's cadences rising and falling as I watched Edward's chest do the same. I thought he might stop me, but no. His eyes were on my fingers, I could feel them. It took a little work, sliding the buttons through the wet fabric, but after a moment the shirt swung loose and for the first time I saw Edward's bare chest. My gasp was soft but audible. I'd seen glimpses of him before, on that first day in the meadow when he showed me how he sparkled in the sun, and briefly in Volterra as he prepared to step out into the square, but not like this, unencumbered by clothes or distraction or drama.

His chest was flawless. Strong and smooth, glistening and slick with the moisture of the rain. Slowly I reached under the shoulders of the shirt and started to push it off. My hands skimmed over the wetness of his skin and I felt a shiver run through me. I was surprised when Edward gave a shrug of his shoulders and arms, the muscles rolling under his skin, and the shirt dropped to the floor. He was going to let me do this" And he was helping" I looked up. Edward's jaw was locked hard. His eyes burned into mine, yet I couldn't make out his expression. It was almost like disbelief.

I took the towel and very gently began to rub. First I moved over his right arm, long strokes caressing him from shoulder to elbow to wrist. His breathing hitched when I ran the towel back up, along his side and under his arm, my fingers brushing against the soft golden hair that nestled there. He lifted his arm a little, making it easier for me, and I smiled at that. I could feel his eyes on me and his breathing became shallower. I trailed across the back of his shoulders and over to his left arm, rubbing slowly, gently soaking up the moisture that was shiny and slick on his skin. His head turned so he could keep watching my hands. I worked my way to his back and began to make long, slow, sweeping strokes from his shoulders to where his jeans sat, damp, low on his hips. His naked back was beautiful. It was strong and the muscles were well defined beneath the smooth, pale skin. I took my time and every now and then, as I would sweep lower, a slight tremor would ripple through Edward's body.

"You're shivering," I whispered.

"Not from cold," he whispered back, his voice breaking.

I smiled to myself again.

His arms were straight by his sides, his hands balled into fists, though his fingers would flex occasionally. I could hear his breathing now, it was coming faster. He had dimples, one either side of his spine, just above the waistband of his jeans. Edward hissed as I let my fingers run over them, softly caressing their hollows. The muscles of his back quivered and his hips jerked, just a little. I felt a warm wave of pleasure run through me.

When his back was dry I moved around to the front of him, slowly, bringing the towel up to his chest. I knew his eyes were on me, I could practically feel the scorch marks, but I didn't dare to look at him. I moved the towel over him. Edward began to moan and his head fell back on his shoulders. From the corner of my eye I saw his hands begin to reach for me, they were shaking slightly. But he stopped, and returned them to fists at his side. He brought his head forward again. Slowly, I moved over his chest and gradually brought the towel down lower, over the defined, rock-hard muscles of his abdomen. I could see, and feel, the muscles quivering and undulating under his skin as I rubbed in smooth, firm circles. A low growl rumbled from deep in his chest, I could feel the vibrations move through my hands, which were shaking now as I brushed over the top of his jeans.

Although _my _eyes had been concentrating on Edward's glorious body, I had always known where _his _eyes were. I'd felt them on my face, on my hands, never leaving me except to briefly close in pleasure. I looked up into his face now, and my heart stopped. His eyes were on mine and they were on fire. Dark, penetrating. I'd not seen his eyes like this before. Not sure what to do next I unconsciously took my bottom lip between my teeth. Edward's eyes widened immediately, darkening even more, and I saw him swallow. He tilted his head back and closed his lids. I took a step away, thinking perhaps it had been too much for him, but his head snapped forward again and he reached out, his fingers carefully circling my wrist in a swift, graceful movement. He swallowed again as he pulled me closer and bent his head to me.

"Will you kiss me?" His voice matched his eyes, and my heart thudded. His lips were almost on mine, I could feel his breath on my skin.

I reached up to him. He let go of my wrist and wrapped his arm around my waist. I dropped the towel and put my arms around his neck. Then his mouth found mine. At first it was a gentle kiss, lips moving softly together, but I could feel the tension in Edward - he was struggling to hold back.

"Just let go," I whispered against his lips. And so, he did.

It was like a dam had burst. His lips parted urgently on mine and I matched him, tracing my tongue over his lower lip. He gasped and then his tongue caressed mine. My head began swimming. Edward's mouth became harder, more urgent, as he kissed me deeper than he ever had before. The sensation was almost too much but I wasn't going to let it go. I ran my hands through his wet hair. My neck was arching back in pleasure and he changed the focus of his attention and began sucking on the skin beneath my jaw, drawing me into his mouth, but I never felt his teeth, only the pressure of his cool lips and icy tongue. I felt the pleasure and desire welling and building in me and I could hardly breathe. His arm around me pulled me to him tighter and his other hand was wound in my hair. He would whisper and moan my name, and that he loved me, over and over. I was beyond speech. I was beyond anything.

He hadn't been so careful to keep the usual space between us and I could feel the dampness of his jeans against me. I relished the feeling. But too soon, I felt his muscles tense and I knew he'd reached his limit. He lifted his lips from mine, breathing hard - he was about to pull away. I started to step back, but he surprised me when he kept me in his arms. His body was still tense, but he didn't let me go. His jaw above me was hard and I watched the movement of his throat as he swallowed again, twice. Then, slowly, his jaw relaxed and he moved his face back to mine, his eyes fluttering closed as he did. His lips met mine again, softly, just ghosting across them and I returned my hands to his hair, pulling my fingers through the damp tangle. Very gently, his hand on my back pressed me closer to him. Into him. As his lips continued to whisper over mine I could feel my chest being pressed against the bare skin of his, and that made my heart pound even more, I was only separated from him by the thin fabric of my top. A soft shudder rippled through Edward's body, and mine, at the same time. His hand on my back tensed. A soft moan came from deep within me and he pulled me closer still. And then ... my heart exploded.

I could feel him. Hard. Through the wet denim pressed against me. I gasped as heat flooded through me and I felt the strong impulse to push myself into him further. I'd never felt ... He'd never .... Oh" A thousand pin pricks of electricity were throbbing through me, from my scalp to my toes, urging me on ... But I stopped. It wasn't easy but I stayed as still as I could while his lips floated across mine and his hips pressed against me, letting me feel him. Despite his gentleness I could feel the tension in his body. I didn't want to make this more difficult for him.

And even though I was barely breathing, and my heart was hammering, I marveled at the way that, though our heights were mismatched, our bodies were able to find a groove with each other and with the music that swirled around us. Our bodies began to sway softly, barely moving, in time with its rhythms. I felt my knees weaken as the fullness of the moment hit me, and his arm around me tightened, supporting me. His face dropped lower, moving his lips away from mine, and he peppered feather kisses along my throat. My heart continued to pound. I could hear it, and I knew he could feel it against his naked chest, as I tried to take in as much as I could of this new sensation he was offering me. We continued to move slowly with the music.

But I could feel the tension still building in Edward and a few seconds later he pulled away, putting a small distance between us. His breathing was heavy and his eyes were closed. He moved his hands to my waist and rested his forehead against mine. We stood there, not moving now, while our breathing began to calm a little. The music was slowing, becoming quieter.

I began to stroke the back of his neck. He smiled.

"Now you know," he whispered.

I felt the smile stretch across my face.

Another moment and Edward raised his head and opened his eyes. He seemed unsure, as though he were coming out of a trance. I brushed my lips over his. "I love you."

His face broke into a smile and his lips moved over mine. "And I love you," he said softly. Without realising what I was doing, I started to move my hips towards his again, instinctively seeking more of the same contact. Very carefully Edward pulled away, putting a larger space between us. His eyes were darkening again.

"I .. Not right now, love."

Instantly, I was still. "Sorry."

"Don't be." He bent lower. "Because I'm not."

His lips met mine again, sweetly, softly, before he pulled back and sighed. "I'd better change," he whispered. His hands ran over my waist before he dropped them and stepped away. He grabbed his shirt from the floor and some clothes from his bag and walked towards the bathroom. "Don't forget your hot chocolate, it'll get cold," he said as he closed the door. A second later I heard the shower running. I bit back a smile.

I was curled up on the sofa, feeling very pleased with myself and drinking my hot chocolate, not quite able to believe what had just happened - what he'd shared with me. I was still smiling when Edward emerged about ten minutes later. I looked up at him and nearly spilt my cup. Oh my ... I'd never seen this before. Not only was he wearing Snoopy, and that alone made my heart skip several beats - so cute - but he was wearing long, dark blue pyjama pants. I liked the way they hung loosely from his hips and the hems crumpled around his bare feet. Suddenly, I felt nervous, and by the look on his face, he did, too. Of course, Edward slept in my bed almost every night, and I'd slept in his on many occasions, but he'd always been clothed, in day clothes. There was suddenly something so much more ... intimate ... about this, now he was wearing pyjamas. And especially just after, well ...

"You look ready for bed." I was trying to sound casual but my blush ratted me out. Edward smiled shyly.

"Snoopy fits," he said, tugging at the hem of the t-shirt.

"It looks good," I said and he gave another shy smile. Then he took a breath and came over to sit by me on the sofa.

"You don't usually wear pyjamas." The words popped out suddenly.

"Oh, well, I bought them for this trip. I thought it would seem odd, being here with you like this and me wearing jeans and a shirt." His fingers were making patterns on my leg. "It doesn't seem right to wear them when I stay at Charlie's. But here, it's different. It's just you and me." He shrugged. "Of course, when I was packing I wasn't sure how you were going to feel after we'd met George. I didn't know whether you'd want me to share the bed with you. I'm assuming it's alright, yes?" He raised an eyebrow and his eyes gleamed.

"Mm, yes," I nuzzled into him even more and he chuckled.

"So, I had various contingency plans, depending on today's outcome."

"Mm, what else did you bring?"

"Well, it was mental preparation mostly. I brought the pyjamas in case we were going to be sharing the bed. But I was also prepared, mentally, in case I was sitting on the sofa all night, or booking myself a separate room in the hotel. Or a separate hotel."

I laughed at that and he chuckled with me. But then his voice became quieter, more serious.

"Or driving you straight home. Or putting you on a plane to go home without me. Or on a plane to Jacksonville, to Renee." His voice had dropped to a whisper now and his fingers had stopped moving on my leg.

"I like the pyjamas." My lips reached up to his and I kissed him softly.

As I nuzzled my head back against his shoulder a yawn escaped me. It had been a long day.

Straight away, Edward scooped me up into his arms and carried me to the bed, pulling down the covers while supporting me with one hand. He was so smooth with things like that. He laid me down and then went around the room, turning off the lamps and extinguishing all the candles, before he came back and climbed in beside me. I turned on my side, facing him, and traced Snoopy with my finger.

"Cute," I said, yawning again. Edward pulled me to him. My face was against his chest and I snuggled as close as I could. And for the first time, he didn't leave a space between us. I knew that somewhere during the night, the chill of his body would force him above the covers, but for now I drifted off to sleep, blissfully content in his arms, listening to him hum my lullaby.

I woke a few hours later. Edward was sitting up beside me, his arms wrapped around his knees. He'd done that earlier today, in the park. I hadn't see him do it before that. I decided it must be his new _thinking_ pose.

"What's up?"

"Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you." He laid down and pulled me to him, running slow, gentle kisses along my shoulder, nudging the strap of my tank top out of the way with his nose. My skin erupted in goose bumps and I sighed. This was nice. But I wouldn't let myself get distracted.

"Is ... something ... wrong?" I managed to get the words out between the touch of his kisses.

"I've been thinking." His voice was muffled against me.

"Mm? Tell ... me."

Edward brought his face up to mine. The room was dark, but from the moonlight coming through the window I could make out his eyes. He seemed to be making a decision right then, at that moment, as he looked at me. I held my breath, wondering what was coming.

"What?" I mouthed.

Edward took a breath and kissed me.

"I think I'm going to tell George who I am."


	8. Chapter 8: Break and Enter

**All things Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended.**

* * *

"Are you sure this will be alright?"

We were sitting, crouched, behind the air conditioning plant that sat on the roof outside George's window.

"Of course. I've had lots of practice at this sort of thing, remember?" Edward's hand reached over to find mine and I could see his smile through the dark. "Are you feeling better now?"

I nodded. "It was just a head spin." I wasn't used to scaling multi-storey buildings on someone's back in the middle of the night.

It was almost an hour since Edward kissed my shoulder and told me he wanted to tell George the truth. His voice had been quiet, and a little sad.

"I know I've met him, and I've given him what little information I could, and that might settle things for me ... for us ... but it's leaving him with a lie."

Edward had been holding me in his arms, looking earnestly into my eyes. I knew he was hoping that I'd understand, that I'd support him in this last issue to do with his past.

"I don't want to leave it that way ... lying to him."

I'd kissed his forehead and he'd nestled his head against my chest, sighing as he listened to my heartbeat. In truth, I'd been surprised. I knew that _no exposure_ was the number one rule of the vampire world, and while I understood why Edward wanted to tell George, and mostly I agreed with him, I didn't want him to put himself at risk.

"Will you tell me what you're thinking?" his voice was muffled against my skin, but I could hear the hint of tension as I stroked his hair.

"I was just wondering about the exposure. And the Volturi." I shuddered a little at the thought of them. Instantly, Edward's arms tightened around me and he brought his face up to mine, kissing my forehead and pulling me against his chest.

"I know. That's certainly something to be considered and I've been thinking about it while you've been asleep." He kissed my hair and his hand ran long, comforting strokes along my back. I wriggled a little closer to him. "I'm certain it'll be safe. George really isn't able to tell anyone. And even if he could, from what I've seen of his mind, I don't think he would. And _I'm_ not planning to let the Volturi know. Are you?"

He was smirking then.

"I don't exactly have them on speed dial," I said , rolling my eyes, and Edward chuckled. "I guess if it's no risk to you, then yes, I think it's the right thing to do."

He nodded. "He really doesn't have a lot of time left. I can hear it in his heart and I can detect it in his scent."

I pulled my head back to look at him. "Really? You can smell that? How?" My nose almost wrinkled off my face.

"It's nothing awful," he answered quickly. "It's just that his scent is fading, I noticed today when we were there. It's like when a person has left a room, and for a while afterwards you can still detect a trace of their scent. It's not strong, but you know they've been there, and now they've gone. That's how it is with George's scent, it's fading. He's been here, but now he's ... going."

It sounded so sad. "Yes, tell him," I said firmly and hugged Edward hard.

He looked into my face and smiled. "Thank you."

So now, I was sitting beside Edward, watching George's window, waiting for the nurse to finish her night rounds and leave his room so we could enter. The jumper and jeans I'd pulled on hurriedly over my pyjamas weren't offering me much protection from the cold and I shivered. Edward took off his jacket and draped it around my shoulders. I shoved my arms into the sleeves.

"You should have stayed in bed," he murmured as he pulled the zipper up to my chin. The sleeves hung off the ends of my arms and I flapped them, looking a bit like a penguin. He smiled as he rolled them up for me.

"Do you really think I would stay behind and let you do this alone?"

He sighed, but his eyes became very warm and soft. "No, I don't." He bent his head and his lips brushed gently over mine.

There was a flash of light in our direction as the nurse's torch moved past the window. Quickly, Edward grabbed me and we ducked back further behind the air conditioning plant. My heart started pounding and I was glad Edward had insisted we wear dark outer clothes. He shot me a concerned look.

"I'm okay," but my shaky smile and crazy heart beat gave me away. Edward pulled me into his side, hugging me tight. I felt his lips as he kissed the top of my head.

A moment later, and the nurse had left. Edward took my hand and we moved carefully across to George's window. Well, I moved carefully, Edward was smooth and sinuous, like a cat.

"What if he's sleeping? It could give him a heart attack if he wakes up and sees us there."

"He's not asleep." Edward's long fingers were working at the catch of the window, applying enough pressure to open it without breaking anything. There was a click, and he slid back the glass leaving barely enough space to slip inside. The whole exercise had taken only a second, and was done so smoothly - I wondered if that's how it had been the first night he'd come to my window. Before I started leaving it open for him.

I knew this was really the only way. Edward couldn't risk talking to George during a day visit when there would be interruptions from nurses. And if we arranged another visit through Rebecca, she would be there with us, and it would be odd to ask if we could see him alone. No, this conversation had to happen in complete privacy.

But still, I was a police chief's daughter and part of me was just a little uncomfortable with the whole break and enter thing. Edward was obviously very comfortable with it. But I already knew that.

Edward climbed in through the narrow gap and I felt my breath catch as I watched him move.

Slow. Silent. Stealth.

Vampire.

Seeing him move _like that_ was new to me and I shivered with the surprise. It was different than when he came through my window. I wondered if I'd be able to move as smoothly when I was like him.

Then Edward turned around and reached to me.

"What are you going to say to him?" I whispered suddenly as his hands went around my waist. He hesitated, his fingers just resting on me lightly.

"I have absolutely no idea," he whispered back, giving me a shrug and a half smile. My heart twisted for him as he increased his grip and pulled me into the room.

But I wasn't a graceful vampire ... yet ... and I banged my knee on the window frame. The glass rattled and Edward stilled, and silenced, it with a touch of his hand.

"Okay?" He rubbed my knee.

I nodded as he stood me on the floor.

It was dark but I could hear the soft sounds of classical music. The nurse must have put one of George's CDs on. As my eyes adjusted I could make out his form in the bed, he was propped up slightly, one hand on top of the blankets.

His eyes were open, watching us, but he was very still.

"It's alright, his thoughts are calm. He's surprised and curious, but not worried." Edward whispered to me.

We moved over to the bed, Edward's hand was holding mine and his fingers were flexing slightly, nervously.

George was looking directly at him and Edward gave a soft chuckle.

"He thought I might come back, but not this way."

"That's understandable," I whispered.

"Hello, George." Edward's voice was soft as his hand tightened around mine. He was right - George didn't seem distressed as we approached him slowly. Edward squared his shoulders and I could feel the tension running through him now. As he took a deep, unnecessary, breath I wondered how he was going to start.

"Please allow me to apologise for the manner of my visit, and for the lateness of the hour ... "

I bit back a smile. In his nervousness he'd slipped back to 1918, using the words and expressions of his human life. It was hard to reconcile that with the vampire moves I'd just witnessed as he'd climbed through an impossibly small gap in the window. How many people did this man have in him? I smiled to myself. I didn't care - I loved them all.

"I was hoping to .. oh , of course ... I'm sorry ... ."

Edward turned to me. "Bella, George says hello to you. And ... he's happy to see you again." Edward was smiling but I was taken aback, and looked from him to the man in the bed. Obviously George wasn't at all thrown by the fact that Edward was clearly reading his mind. In fact, he seemed happy to communicate through him.

"Oh, um, hello George. I'm glad to see you again, too."

This was too bizarre. Edward turned back to the bed. He took another deep breath and seemed to relax a little.

"Do you mind if I pull up a chair?" He seemed a bit more himself, now.

George must have answered yes, because Edward moved across the room and easily, silently, pulled the two black, vinyl visitors' chairs over to the side of the bed. We sat down. Edward's hand was on my knee and I was covering it with mine. His other hand was loose between his legs.

He hesitated, deciding how best to proceed. I knew the moment his decision was made - his fingers stopped tapping and squeezing mine. He leaned forward a little.

"I thought you might have some questions for me, George."

I listened intently to the one sided conversation between Edward and his son.

George's first question was clearly _Who are you?_

Edward's fingers started squeezing mine again as he answered softly and without hesitation.

"I am Edward Anthony Masen. And I was born in1901, here, in Chicago." He paused, "I believe you've been looking for me."

My heart stuttered.

Then there was silence and I wished I could see George's eyes more clearly in the dark. Edward sucked in a sharp breath, but his voice was level and calm as he answered George's next unspoken question.

"Yes, I am."

I swallowed, understanding what George had just asked. My leg was jiggling up and down with nerves. Then Edward nodded slowly, and I heard the faintest tremor in his words.

"Yes, you are ... you're my son."

It was done.

Edward carefully explained how he came to be sitting in this room, one hundred and seven years after he'd been born, and still looking seventeen. He started by speaking of the influenza, his parents, and how, before she died, his mother had asked the mysterious Dr Cullen to save her son. He spoke quietly and calmly, but then hesitated. His fingers gripped mine tightly as he said the next words.

"No, not a ghost ... I, I'm a vampire."

He waited for George's reaction and at first there was nothing. Then, my eyes opened in horror as George's body jerked and he began making gasping sounds. Edward pulled back from the bed but George's eyes never left his face.

"We have to get a nurse"" I hissed.

I pushed back my chair, but in my panic it fell over and I stumbled backwards with it, right into the metal chest of drawers. The crash was loud and the stack of CDs spilled onto the floor.

Edward's hand snapped out around my wrist, suspending me in mid fall. He stood up quickly. "It's alright, we don't need a nurse. His heart's fast but it's returning to its natural rhythm now. The initial shock is wearing off already."

I looked. The gasping had stopped, his body was still. I let out a breath.

"But the nurse _is _coming," Edward said.

A second later I was standing back on the roof behind the air conditioning plant, tucked tight into Edward's side. In a blur he'd picked up the CDs, replaced the chairs against the wall, grabbed me and pulled me through the window, closing it behind him before moving to our original hiding place. My head was still spinning.

"I'm so sorry, Edward. I thought ... ,"

"Ssh, don't be sorry. He'll be alright, his heart will be fine. Well, not fine, but back to where it was before, anyway. It's already calming down." He brought his hand up and placed his palm on my chest. "Honestly, I'm more concerned about_ your_ heart, Bella."

I nodded. So was I. It felt like it was trying to get a lifetime worth of beats hammered out right that minute.

"Do you want to go? We can leave if this is ... ." He was concerned but I cut him off.

"No! No, I'll be fine. Distract me."

"Distract you? Um, how?"

"I don't know ... kiss me."

"Right now? That doesn't usually slow your heart down."

"No, but it'll give me something else to focus on."

He bent down and placed a soft kiss on my lips. He was right, it did nothing for my heart but the anxiety melted away and was replaced with a warm rush as our mouths moved together. Much better.

Edward pulled away. "Mm, you do seem calmer, despite the heart."

I smiled and buried my head against his chest.

"So my clumsiness hasn't ruined your chances of speaking to him again?"

"No, not at all." His hand was rubbing my back, comfortingly. "The nurse is about to leave. I can hear her, she's checking all the rooms, not just his. And then we can try again."

"Are you sure George will be okay?"

"Oh, yes. He was asking me to come back even as we went through the window."

"Really?"

"Uh huh. Apparently he hasn't finished with me yet. And those were _his_ words."

"Brave man," I chuckled.

"So it seems."

A few minutes later, when Edward could hear that the nurse was satisfied, we returned to George's room. He was waiting for us, but now he seemed to be shaking, just slightly and there was a soft, different sort of gasping noise coming from his lips.

"Oh no, Edward, look!" I blurted out, still worried for him. Edward put his arm around me.

"Ssh, love. He says he's fine, not to worry. He's sorry he scared you and he hopes _you're_ alright. He thought you seemed pretty shaken up."

I didn't know what to say to that. I climb into his room in the middle of the night, with a vampire, and he's worried he's scared _me. _I could see Edward was frowning but there was a smile trying to escape his lips.

"What?"

"Er, ... nothing."

"Tell me, Edward." His mouth was twisting, still hiding that smile. "Edward?"

"Mm ... he also says that once the initial shock was over, you gave him the only laugh he's had since he's been in here. Er, that's why he's shaking."

"Oh," So he was shaking with laughter. At me. I didn't know whether to feel pleased or annoyed. I decided to opt for pleased.  
Edward pulled up the chairs again and we sat down as George's almost silent, rocking laughter lessened and finally stopped.

"How come he's taking everything so well?"

"You can speak to him directly, Bella." Edward smiled at me.

"Oh, of course, sorry George." He gave a barely noticeable movement of his head. "Um, I just ... you're just taking this all so well." I shrugged, it wasn't really a question, but I could see Edward was listening to George's answer. A moment later he spoke.

"He knew there was something unusual about me when we were here earlier with Rebecca, just by my appearance initially. But by the end of our visit he knew I could read minds. He wasn't overly surprised because he's experienced something similar throughout his own life."

I looked at Edward, surprised. He nodded.

"George has always been very perceptive, a good reader of people. Often, he could pick up on the essence of what someone was thinking."

I understood. "Carlisle said you were like that when you were human."

"Yes. Sometimes."

I'd been sitting on the edge of my chair, tense, wary, but now I was relaxing a little. I sat back, Edward's hand still clasped around mine, and listened as he continued.

"He says he knew there was more to the story I was telling him today, but he wasn't sure what it was. But something told him the connection between us was closer than distant cousins. When I explained that I was his ... father, " I squeezed his hand as he hesitated over the word, "... he wasn't completely surprised, but wondered how. The, er, vampire part _was_ a bit of a shock, though. As you saw. But by then he knew that I was not a danger to him."

He turned back to George, obviously in response to a silent question, and chuckled.

"No, no fangs." And he flashed a wide smile before chuckling again. "No, that's all Hollywood and Stoker."

Then he nodded. "Yes, you're right." He turned to me. "He's always believed that legends had to have some basis in fact and reality. I've just confirmed his theory for him."

I was nodding. It all made sense, if any of this _could_ make sense.

"And now, George would like me to tell him ... everything."

I sat back and for the next two hours listened to a one-sided conversation which was so unusual in both style and content.

George _was_ curious, and Edward explained about Carlisle and the other Cullens, and even about his dark days when he preyed on humans. I could see that was particularly hard for him to reveal, but George wanted to know it all - and Edward was going to tell him. Then he gave a chuckle and his mood lightened again. "No,not all vampires. The mind reading is just_ my thing_."

And George wanted to know about me. Edward suggested that I take over, so I shyly told about that first day in Biology and how I'd grown to love the vampire who was now holding my hand. And when I finished Edward told George how I'd changed his world, and how deeply he loved me. I was sure George could see my blush in the dark.

There was a short silence while Edward was listening to George. Then he spoke.

"Yes, Bella wants to be like me. We're still discussing the timing of her change - she wants it sooner and I want it later ... ," he looked at me directly, "... but it will be sometime after the wedding."

Edward's face was thoughtful. He kept looking at our hands, joined together and resting on my leg. Suddenly he lifted my hand and pressed his lips against it. His eyes closed and a look of pain briefly flickered across his face. I wondered what George had been saying, but it was clear I'd have to wait until later to find out.

They shared information about their lives. George's childhood had been happy. Lucy had been an indulgent mother and John a firm but loving father. He hadn't been very good at sport, but had always loved music, which was difficult because neither Lucy nor John were musical. The piano in the parlour had been purely for decoration, until George insisted on lessons.

And Edward shared everything he could remember of his human life and his family. George was pleased to hear that buildings designed by his great-grandfather still stood in the city. I could see how glad Edward was to have given him that piece of their shared history.

And then, the conversation turned to Lucy and Edward shifted uncomfortably. He ran his fingers through his hair.

"No, I didn't love her, but you could probably tell that from the diary. It was just an arrangement ... Yes, I planned to end the engagement. I knew it wouldn't be right for either of us."

Suddenly, Edward's hand tightened hard around mine, it almost hurt. I wriggled my fingers as much as I could to let him know and he dropped my fingers quickly, anxiety on his face as he looked at me.

"Sorry," he said, his eyes burning into mine.

"It's okay," I smiled and took his hand again, but the anxiety didn't leave his eyes. "It's really okay, Edward. You didn't hurt me." But his expression stayed as he dropped his face and the fingers of his right hand picked at George's blanket. I realised then he was worried about more than his too-firm grip. His head still hung down and he heaved a deep sigh as he answered George's silent question.

"Yes ... if I'd known, I would have married her."

Oh.

I could see that saying those words out loud, in front of me, really hurt him. And to be honest, for a moment, they hurt me, too. I'd always taken comfort in the knowledge that he was going to end the engagement. I guess I'd never taken that next step of wondering what he would have done if he'd survived the influenza and found out about the pregnancy. Of course he would have married her. It would have been the right thing to do. The Edward I knew wouldn't have done anything else. But just hearing those words from his lips, _yes, I would have married her_ - for a moment I was back in that clearing again.

I knew his eyes were on me. His fingers were caressing mine and I knew he could hear my pain through my heartbeat. I wanted to look at him, but I couldn't. There was a residual wave of jealousy that I needed to deal with first. It wasn't strong, I knew it would pass. I just needed a moment.

Suddenly, Edward's head snapped back to George. A moment later a weak smile spread across his face and he turned back to me.

"George is glad I didn't marry Lucy. He can see that she and I clearly weren't suited and would have been very unhappy. As it was, Lucy and John were _very_ happy together and ... and George can see that you and I were obviously meant to be together."

I smiled. My moment was passing. "Obviously." I squeezed his hand and he let go a breath, leaning over to kiss the top of my head.

Edward was very interested to learn more about George's work and the music school. It seemed it had made a big difference to a lot of lives, as Rebecca had said. Edward was silent for a long while, listening, and his brow began to furrow. Then he sat back in the chair and spoke.

"George, it is within my means to make sure your work continues. You say some funding comes from the City, but mostly you're dependent on donations - I could set up a trust that would ensure the continuation of what you've started. Would you allow me to do that?"

Pause. Wide smile.

"Thank you. I'll organise it as soon as I return home."

The conversation became more general then. They discussed politics, music and world events. Being only seventeen years apart, they'd lived through the same times and seen the same changes. Some huge, some small.

And then, it was time to leave. George was beginning to tire and Edward could hear the nurses as they started their next round of checks. We stood and Edward returned the chairs to their place against the wall.

"Of course, you know you can never tell anyone about this," Edward smiled, then laughed.

"What did he say?"

"He says even if he _could_ talk, who would believe him. And he doesn't really want to end up in a padded cell. Not at this stage."

I chuckled too. Then Edward laughed again as he looked back at George.

"If I cut it, it won't grow again, and I think Bella likes it this way."

Ah, his hair. I smiled as he ran his hands through it.

"We should get going. The nurse will be here soon." Edward's voice was serious now, and he paused for a moment.

"I'm very glad we had this opportunity, George," he said and I thought George was smiling. I stepped over to the bed. The sheet and blanket were lying loosely over his chest, one arm resting above the covers. I touched my fingers to his hand.

"It was good to meet you, George." His hand twitched in mine. His skin felt cool and again I thought he was trying to smile.

I moved discreetly towards the window while Edward stopped by the side of the bed.

"You're very welcome. But it really was _my_ pleasure." Then he turned to look at me and I smiled. "_Our_ pleasure," he said, looking back at George.

The music stopped.

"May I?" Edward indicated the stack of CDs on the drawers beside the bed. He sorted through them.

"This is a favourite of mine," he said, sliding the disc into the player and pressing start. The soft strains of Brahms drifted into the room. George's head moved vaguely in approval and Edward smiled at him. They held each other's gaze for a moment. Then Edward reached down and took George's hand in his own.

"You're cold," he murmured and my heart skipped a beat as Edward lifted the blankets and gently moved George's arm beneath, pulling the covers up around his shoulders and tucking them more closely around him. Then he leant over, very carefully, and kissed him on the forehead.

"Goodnight, George, sleep well."

Tears were blurring my eyes as we climbed out of the window and on to the roof. Edward never looked back as he tucked me into his side and pulled me towards the edge. His final gesture with George had left me speechless.

Effortlessly, Edward swung me up into his arms.

"Hold onto me tightly, Bella," he whispered. I gripped harder around his neck.

"Ready?"

I nodded, even though I wasn't sure what I was supposed to be ready for. Such was my trust in this man.

And then, he stepped off the roof.

It was as if he was stepping from the footpath to the road. A second later we were on the ground. I didn't even feel a jolt as we landed.

I looked up into Edward's face. His eyes were intense, burning into mine. Gently he set me on my feet, never altering his gaze. He brought his hands up to my face, cradling it in his palms. Without a word he leaned in and kissed me, deeply, his mouth moving over mine with a tender passion that made my heart stutter.

"Thank you," he breathed against my lips. His icy breath sent a wave or warmth through me.

"For what?" I was breathless and still effected by Edward's farewell to his son.

"I ... just thank you. For everything. _Everything_." The emotion was strong in his voice. He buried his face in my hair and whispered, "For loving me enough."

I pulled his face to mine and kissed him with all the love I could summon. He twisted one of his hands in my hair, his other was on my back, pulling me to him. I could feel the heat rising in me. I pulled away for breath.

"Lets go home," Edward whispered.

It was almost four in the morning as I slid back under the covers of the hotel bed. Edward, again in his pyjamas, slid in beside me. Tentatively I rested against the length of him, and he allowed it. My whole body smiled.

"We have a late check-out, so you can sleep as late as you like," he whispered as I yawned. "And then we go home."

"So that was goodbye? We're done here, now?"

"Yes, that was goodbye. We're done here, now." His voice was quiet and calm.

I could feel sleep starting to claim me and I was feeling very relaxed, nestled snugly in his arms. It was all behind us, now, and tomorrow we would be going home.

"You know what I'd really like to do?" I spoke through another yawn.

"I can't even imagine what you'd really like to do. Please tell me."

I smiled, sometimes I liked it when he teased. I snuggled even closer to him, if that was possible.

"I want to go home and just spend a whole day in the meadow. Just you and me, without anything or anyone to worry about."

Edward sighed. "Sounds like bliss." My head was against his chest and he brought his face down to kiss me lightly. "Tomorrow," he said softly and I turned on my side with my back against his chest. His arms went around me, pulling me closer to him. His legs were bent at the hip, so he nestled me into the lap he'd created there. It was new. I liked it.

His fingers were tracing a slow path along my arm.

"Do you remember the last time we were in the meadow?" he asked softly.

I smiled. "Mm, yes. You rolled me on top of you and said you loved me and wanted me, right then."

"Yes."

"But we stopped."

He chuckled at the pout in my voice. "Because you asked me to."

"It seemed like the right thing to do."

He laughed again and I wondered where he was leading with all this. His fingers were snaking further up my arm, but he didn't say anything more. So I did.

"Edward, what would have happened if I hadn't stopped you?"

He rubbed his face against my hair.

"Well, I suppose ... I suppose we would have made love. That was certainly my intention at the time." His voice was soft, lazy.

"Mm, so it wasn't a bluff? You weren't pretending to give in, knowing that I'd stop you and you wouldn't have to go ahead with it?"

"No," he sounded a bit surprised, now. "It wasn't a bluff. And what do you mean _go ahead with it_? You make it sound like a hardship, like a trip to the dentist."

"Sorry, I didn't mean it to sound like that."

He chuckled again and leant his face closer, whispering in my ear, "Making love to you certainly won't be a hardship, Bella."

I felt my heart stutter. Had I heard right? I looked at his hand as it brushed feather soft strokes along my arm. I felt myself sitting against his hips. I thought of the words he'd just said ... and the way he said them.

"You seem very ... relaxed?"

"Mm, do I?"

"Yes. Not that I mind, because I don't."

He gave another soft laugh.

"Well, I think over the past few days I've had an epiphany of sorts."

"Oh? I thought epiphanies were my thing." I laughed, but I was wondering what was coming next.

"Sorry, love, they're not exclusive to you." His hand moved from my arm and started working softly over my ribcage. My heart stepped up a notch. "Mine are just a little slower to make themelves realised."

"Okay. So will you share your epiphany with me?"

"I think I'd like to, yes."

I turned around to face him again. His eyes were so warm and soft, I heard myself sigh and he smiled. He returned his hand to my ribs and kept rubbing a soft pattern. I closed my eyes and listened to him. I was a little surprised to hear his tone become serious.

"I know I've always kept our physical relationship at arm's length, Bella. And while my reason has always been concern about the more dangerous qualities of my vampire nature, I think there's been another reason mixed in there, too."

I opened my eyes and saw that his were dark and edgy now. I had no idea what he was going to say.

"Without realising it, I think I've been worried about hurting you, not just as a vampire, but as a man."

I was frowning, now. I didn't understand.

"Edward you would never hurt me. I know that."

"I know you think that, but let me explain."

My eyes were searching his as he spoke.

"I didn't remember anything about Lucy, or that night, after my change. But I think I _did_ bring some of my feelings from that night with me."

My heart stuttered. Feelings? He had feelings for Lucy after all? I started shaking my head, I didn't want to hear. Instantly his hand splayed out across my waist in a tight grip.

"Not feelings for Lucy. Feelings about that night. About what happened."

Was that any better? I didn't know yet. Edward took a breath and dropped his gaze. His hand on me stilled.

"Bad feelings."

Oh.

He let out a sigh and continued.

"That night, I attempted intimacy, under duress, with someone I didn't love. And I hurt her. I was seventeen and inexperienced and she cried. At the time I thought the tears were because I'd hurt her so much. I know now that wasn't the case. But you can imagine how I would have felt, about myself and ... sex." He seemed very uncomfortable. I reached up and put my hand on his cheek. He managed a half smile.

"When I had to search my memories for Lucy, the memory of those feelings came back, too. But really, I think they might have been there all along, without me realising it. On a subconscious level."

I could see now that I'd been right in my thoughts two weeks ago. He _had _loathed himself before he was changed.

"Bella, since we met, you have stirred feelings in me that I had never known, as vampire or human and ..." He took a deep breath and shook his head, as if it to clear it of his thoughts.

"Basically, Bella, without realising it, I've been worried that sex with me would be disappointing and unpleasant for you."

I really, really hadn't expected that. My jaw dropped and my eyes snapped open wide. I wanted to say something, but it took me a moment. Edward's eyes were still down, and closed. Finally I found my voice.

"Edward, you can't be serious"" I couldn't believe that was the way he'd felt.

He looked up at me.

"I haven't been conscious of it, but I'm sure now that it was there all along. Mixed in with the vampire angst," he gave me a weak smile, "... and the knowledge that I'll never be good enough for you."

I put my arms around him and hugged tightly.

"Edward, please tell me you don't still feel that way?"

I felt him shrug.

"Well, until you are changed, my control is still an issue." He pulled his face back to smile at me. "Although things _are_ progressing nicely." He started the pattern on my ribs again, a little further up this time. "But I don't feel so anxious now, about being with you. That part of me feels different, lighter, somehow." He sighed. "It's been happening slowly, gradually. I think it's because I've learned the truth about what happened that night. And meeting George, knowing the type of man he is. And our conversation in the car the other night." He lifted his hand and ran his fingers gently over my lips. "And having you beside me every step of the way, loving me." I smiled against his skin and kissed the tips of his fingers. I didn't know what to say, but that was alright, because sometimes words weren't necessary.

We just lay there, holding each other, our hands still.

"I love you," I whispered, as I felt myself drifting off to sleep at last.

"And I love you," he whispered back.

Then I heard his voice again, even more softly, just before sleep claimed me,

"We _will_ make love, Bella, and when we do, it will be beautiful."


	9. Chapter 9: Tank Tops and Tent Pegs

1Lazy fingers were tracing spirals across my shoulder when I woke. I smiled at the cool touch and wiggled deeper into the feather quilt.

"Good morning," his velvet voice was smooth in my ear and his lips placed a kiss on my cheek.

"Mm, good morning." I felt lighter than I had for a long time. Relaxed, at peace. I opened my eyes and looked into his. Ahh. He was on top of the covers, still in his pyjamas and he was smiling at me. His eyes were calm and tender. I sighed and giggled.

"What?"

"I like you in pyjamas," I said, running my fingers over the Snoopy picture on his chest. Edward's eyelids fluttered for a second, then he caught my hand and brought it to his lips.

"I thought you'd sleep longer. It's only eleven."

I stretched my full length, my fingers still in his. I felt surprisingly refreshed after only five or six hours sleep.

"I think I must have slept really deeply after our nocturnal visit. Did I talk?"

"Not really. Just some brief, incoherent mutterings."

His fingers returned to their slow, gentle pace on my shoulder.

I began thinking about the night before. About George, and about our conversation when we got back here.

"Everything's really behind us now, isn't it?" I said.

Edward nodded. "I think so. I just have the trust fund to set up when we get back, but apart from that, yes. It's behind us."

He leant over to kiss me but stopped when someone knocked on the door.

"That will be breakfast." He brushed his lips over mine and moved quickly from the bed to open the door. A porter started to push a trolley into the room but Edward moved in front of him, blocking his way.

"Thank you, I'll take it from here," he said smoothly. I smiled to myself. He didn't want the porter seeing me in bed.

Edward took the tray from the trolley and brought it over to me. He placed it carefully on the quilt.

"Good timing," I was slightly puzzled by the appearance of food as soon as I woke.

Edward smiled. "When I heard your breathing change I knew it was only a short time until you were awake. I took the liberty of ordering for you. It's been a long time since dinner." He lifted the lid on the tray, revealing a bowl of cereal, some toast, a plate of eggs and a glass of orange juice. "I hope this is alright. They don't do pop tarts." His voice was apologetic.

"This is great."

I sat up and started eating while Edward laid down beside me, his arms bent behind his head and a smile on his face as he watched me eat.

"What?" I asked through a mouthful of toast. Edward's smile widened.

"This is wonderful," he said simply. He chuckled at my expression. "To just lay here, like this, in bed with you ... in pyjamas," he sat up and kissed my shoulder, nudging the strap of my tank top out of the way with his nose, "... watching you eat breakfast. With nowhere to be, no-one to see. I'd like to do this every day."

I started smiling. "Yeah, it is pretty good." My eyes ran over him appreciatively. He laid back down again, looking at the ceiling. He was so much more at peace now. We both were.

I knew we'd never forget, that was certain. And really, forgetting had never been part of the plan. But we could move on. Edward's past, and George, would be a part of the fabric that made up our relationship, but they weren't going to dominate it. And in a lot of ways, though the experience had been very painful for us both, I thought that we'd also benefitted from it. The thing that could have driven us apart, instead brought us closer together. We both felt easier about telling each other how we felt about things, and Edward was definitely more relaxed in being with me. I shook my head at the memory of what he'd told me the night before. I still couldn't believe that he'd felt that way. Oh, Edward. No wonder he'd felt hesitant about pushing the boundaries.

I finished eating and pushed the tray away. Edward moved it back onto the trolley.

"I just need ... ," I waved my hand vaguely towards the bathroom as I got up from the bed and grabbed my toiletries bag.

When I came back into the room a few minutes later, face washed, teeth brushed, Edward was still in the same position on the bed, the same smile on his face. I laid down beside him.

His fingers began roaming over my shoulder. The sensation sent tingles through me. I shivered.

"Cold?" he asked, moving his icy fingers away.

"No, not at all." I moved towards him, rolling my shoulder a little to let him know I wanted him to continue. He smiled again and pulled me closer, replacing his hand, but just a little lower this time. Now he was tracing spirals just below my collarbone.

"Mm, that's nice," I murmured and closed my eyes. I was eager to get home - to get back to our meadow. But at that moment, I just wanted to stay where I was, lying next to Edward, feeling his touch on my skin. Just Edward and me and alone time.

"When do we have to leave?"

"Well, I'd like to drive through the night again, like we did before.

"So you can drive like a maniac?"

He rolled his eyes at me. "There's nothing wrong with my driving, Bella." I snickered and he shook his head at me, smiling. "So I thought perhaps we could leave just before dark."

"That gives us all afternoon?" I said.

"It does. We don't have to check out until four, so we can find something to do until then. We could go sight-seeing if you want. There are a couple of museums worth looking at."

I felt the smile on my face grow as an idea took form in my mind. "Or we could just stay here." I looked at him on the pillow beside me, the implication plain on my face.

His fingers stopped moving. He became very still and his eyes dropped from mine. Maybe he wasn't as relaxed about things as I'd thought. I back-tracked a little.

"I just meant we've been so caught up in things, it might be nice to just stay here for the afternoon and do nothing. Get back to being us."

There was a still silence for a moment, and then Edward's fingers began moving again.

"Nothing?" There was something in his whisper that made my insides quiver. Maybe we were on the same page after all.

"Well, it doesn't have to be nothing. I'm sure we could find something to do."

"Mm, any ideas, Bella?"

I shrugged, but my heart was starting to beat faster as the spirals he was tracing started to move even lower, to just above the edge of my tank top.

"Um, well, we could watch television." I put my hand on his chest, resting my palm there.

"We could," Edward said, his eyes looking deep into mine. I realised I'd stopped breathing and took a quick breath. A corner of Edward's mouth turned up in a crooked smile.

"Or we could listen to music," I said. I made a bold decision and slowly brought my hand down, slipping it under his t-shirt and bringing it to rest on the cold, bare skin of his chest. My breathing hitched at the contact and I watched closely for his reaction. His eyes darkened a little, and his lips parted, but he made no move to stop me. Slowly I began to move my hand, tracing slow, curvy lines, enjoying the feel of his skin and the hardness of his muscles under my hand. His eyes closed for a moment and he swallowed.

"Music is always a good idea," he said, looking at me. His voice was deeper now, and rough. His fingers had stopped in place on my skin. I brought up my other hand and it joined the first under his t-shirt. His eyes closed again, and he tilted his head back as he took a deep breath. I smiled at the enjoyment my touch seemed to be giving him.

But then, Edward moved. In a single, smooth motion he sat up, moving onto his knees and effectively ending the contact between my hands and his chest. I felt disappointment wash through me. It must have been too much for him.

He was looking down at me, his eyes dark and his face seemed almost determined as he focused his gaze on mine. I couldn't read him. I wondered what he was thinking, what he was going to do. Did he want to stop? I laid there, expecting him to get off the bed, or apologise for stopping, but what I didn't expect was what he did next.

Edward reached behind him and pulled Snoopy off over his head. Slowly, he let it drop to the floor.

I felt my heart crashing against my ribs. I was lying in the bed and Edward was kneeling over me, bare chested, eyes blazing. It was my turn to swallow.

Slowly he reached out and picked up my hand, placing it back on his chest, over the place where his heart used to beat, and I bit my lip. I could hear my blood crashing through my veins.

I didn't want to lie down anymore. Coming out from under the covers, I knelt opposite him and there were only inches between us. I lifted my other hand to meet the first and together they continued to explore him, his chest and shoulders, down to circle his naval and then around his waist and up his back. Soft, gentle, barely-there touches. I found the dimples on his back and let my fingers play in them. He groaned, very quietly, and leant in to kiss me. His lips parted mine and our tongues danced slowly, caressing each other.

One of his arms went around my waist, his other reached up so it could wind through my hair. I could feel myself pressing against him and I knew what I wanted. I wanted to feel my bare skin against his.

I pulled away. There was confusion in his eyes. I smiled, letting him know nothing was wrong. Then I took a deep breath and wondered how my next words would be received.

"Edward, I want you to take mine off, too."

Edward's eyes narrowed. His eyebrows came together in a slight frown and he seemed uncertain. For a moment I thought he might say no. There was hesitation, then slowly he took my left hand and brought it to his lips where he placed a kiss on my engagement ring.

"Yes," he whispered.

My heart took off. A wave of anticipation surged through me, starting in the pit of my stomach, curling up and then crashing through the rest of my body, spreading out to my fingers and toes. This was definitely a whole new level.

Edward's hand gently grasped the hem of my tank top and slowly began to lift it upwards. His eyes stayed focused on the blue fabric, and never strayed, as he pulled it up the length of my body. I raised my arms as he gently tugged it over my head. He turned his face away and watched as his fingers let it drop on the floor. Waiting a beat, he took a deep breath before he slowly turned back to me. My insecurities suddenly started to make an appearance and I felt the need to cover myself with my arms. But that feeling faded, and my arms stayed by my sides, when his eyes met mine. He never dropped his gaze and I could see the depth of his love. I could also see the desire that was putting in a strong appearance now. I thought I might explode.

His arms were at his sides. I reached out one hand and gently touched my fingers to his. That connection sent a warm hum of electricity along my arm and then through my whole body. I gripped tighter as his hand closed quickly around mine - he'd felt it too.

Edward's eyes still held mine for a moment and then, very slowly, his gaze began to drift lower.

I knew the moment when he took me in. There was a soft sigh, his hand around mine tightened and his eyes closed for a second, before slowly opening, to look at me again. I felt another wave of happiness crash through me.

My hand still held Edward's, but his free hand came up, cupping the side of my neck. His fingers sat there for a moment, feeling the pounding of my blood. He swallowed, and I felt him curl his fingers, except one, loosely into his palm. His index finger remained free and he delicately traced a path with it, down my neck, across my collar bone to the hollow beneath my throat. I could see his chest was moving heavily. His eyes followed his hand. Slowly, very slowly, he traced a downwards path, leaving a line of fire on my skin as his touch moved lower, travelling tenderly through the valley between my breasts. My head fell back and I felt myself arch slightly towards him. He moaned, his grip on my hand tightening. He kept on, stopping when he reached my stomach. He rested his palm there, his fingers pressing lightly against me, his thumb stroking softly, brushing against the waistband of my shorts. Then he took his hand away. It was shaking as he brought it slowly back to his side and I could still feel his touch on my skin.

Edward's eyes came back to mine then and the emotion I saw there lit my heart on fire.

"I never imagined ... " he whispered. "_So_ beautiful."

His eyes drifted back to my breasts and then he reached out and pulled me to him. Still on our knees, he held me hard against his naked chest, my bare breasts pressed against his marble skin. I knew he could feel my heart beating hard against him, as if at that moment it was beating for both of us.

His hands moved freely over my back, stroking, caressing, and I let my finger nails dance over his. Wave after wave of desire flowed through me and though I knew we would still wait until the wedding, I wondered just how far we _were_ going to go.

"Bella, " Edward moaned my name. He brought his lips to mine and kissed me deeply. Our mouths moved together, wanting, needing.

I had to breathe and Edward pulled back. His forehead was resting against mine, his hands were on my hips.

He took a deep breath and gave me a slight smile as his hands began to move up the sides of my body, slowly, to sit just beneath my arms. His eyes had made the journey with them and now his grip tightened a little and he was still for a moment. Then, his thumbs slowly began to caress the swell at the side of my breasts. Tender circles, gentle pressure, that made my body tremble. My groan was louder this time, my eyelids fluttered and closed. My hands reached out and gripped his forearms and I could feel the tension in his muscles.

Edward gathered me gently to him and lifted me, laying me down on the quilt. He slid beside me, his eyes staring into mine, while his fingers wandered gently across my stomach, over my ribs, around and in between my breasts. When his hand brushed across the centre of my breast a groan of pure pleasure erupted from me. His groan matched mine and I could barely think, I was only aware of this whole new sensation. I arched into him and my hand began to move down towards his naval and beyond. But he stopped me, his hand freezing mine in place.

"Not today," he whispered in my ear. His voice was strained and I nodded, understanding. He nuzzled his face into my hair, then kissed me, softly, gently, but with a building passion. I wound my fingers in his hair and my breasts were flush against him. He moved closer and suddenly I could feel his hardness against my thigh. I gasped, in pleasure, but Edward pulled away. His eyes were anxious. I said nothing to alleviate his concern, but instead pulled his face back to mine and boldly pushed my thigh against him. He seemed unsure at first, but then welcomed the pressure and pressed back against me, groaning as he did so. I could feel a tremor run through him and smiled to myself. But suddenly, the groan became a quiet growl and he pulled back. His eyes were dark, his throat moving as he swallowed hard. The muscles in his neck were taut and his jaw was tense. He'd reached his limit.

I stayed very still. Nothing happened for a moment, then slowly, Edward moved away from me, leaving a small distance between us.

"I don't _want_ to stop," he said quietly. I could see apology in his eyes.

"Edward ... I understand." I was still breathless as I reached up and placed my hand gently on his cheek. "And anyway ... that was just amazing."

Edward ducked his head, but then lifted it again, looking at me through his lashes. His eyes were shining as he smiled his crooked smile.

"Yes, it was, wasn't it."

Edward pulled the quilt over me and we laid in each others arms for a while. Sometimes quiet, sometimes talking about nothing. Sometimes we'd smile about how nicely things were progressing. I realised the significance of what had happened - it was a whole new step in our relationship. And he'd handled it. He hadn't said so, but I knew he was pleased with himself. And I was certainly pleased with him, too. Weak sunlight was filtering through the window. His hand was resting on top of the covers, the light making soft rainbows that danced across his skin. Every now and then he'd make circles, massaging my stomach, ribs and even breasts, through the quilt. I'd grin at him, and he'd become shy. I loved it.

The conversation drifted and wandered as the rest of the morning wore on and somehow we ended up discussing books. In particular, our top three of all time. I'd nominated Pride and Prejudice, Wuthering Heights and Romeo and Juliet, which didn't surprise Edward at all.

"One of the few times you have ever been predictable," he smirked. "Although technically, Romeo and Juliet is a play, not a book." I rolled my eyes at him.

"Alright, surprise me with your top three, then."

He smiled. "In English?"

I gave him a _what do you think _look.

"Yes, in English." Annoying, multi-lingual vampire. He smirked at me.

"Well, I don't know if I have a _top three_, but there are certainly books I've enjoyed."

"Come on, just tell me."

"Okay, well, there's 1984 by Orwell, The Trial by Kafke ... " No surprises there. Depressing studies of humanity and its darker sides, "... and Treasure Island."

Wait. What was that?

"Treasure Island? You mean, the kids book by Robert Louis Stevenson?"

"Yes." He eyed me carefully, puzzled. "Why the surprise?"

"I ... just didn't ... I mean, you know, 1984 and The Trial, they sound like you. But_ Treasure Island._ It's kind of the odd one out."

Then I remembered. He'd mentioned it in his list of memories that he kept in the wooden box in his room. It was one of the books his mother used to read to him. I'd been expecting him to list books he'd read as a vampire, not as a human.

"I have wide and eclectic tastes in literature, Bella." He was pretending to be indignant. I smiled, wishing now that I hadn't made such a point of it. He smiled. "Those aren't the _only_ books I like, but you only asked for three." He kissed my nose.

Fair point.

"What do you like about Treasure Island?"

He smiled widely. "It's a great adventure, of course. Lots of action, pirates, buried treasure. A boy's dream, really."

"You read it as a child. I remember," I said softly, shifting my head onto his shoulder. He turned his face, nuzzling me with his nose.

"My mother would read it to me when I was quite young, and then when I was older I'd read it myself. Over and over." He looked at me with soft eyes. "Treasure Island was my Wuthering Heights."

I smiled and leaned in to kiss him.

The moment was ruined when Edward's phone rang. He groaned as he pulled away and reached to the bedside table to grab it. His eyebrows went up when he saw the caller ID.

"Charlie."

"Charlie?" I felt like my father had walked into the room and caught us. My heart rate went up and my blush covered my body as I instinctively clutched the quilt tighter around me. Understanding, Edward handed me my tank top, along with the phone and then disappeared into the bathroom so I could dress in private. I was pushing one hand through the arm hole while the other hand hit _answer._ I couldn't talk to Charlie while I was half naked, no way.

"Hello, Dad?"

"Bella?"

"Yeah, it's me. What's up? Is something wrong?" Swapping hands as I pushed my other arm through its armhole.

"Nothing's wrong. How's your trip been? Did you get all the paperwork sorted out with the lawyers?"

I cringed as I remembered the lie we'd told him. He thought Edward and I had gone to organise the paperwork so all his property would be in both our names after we were married.

"Yeah, all sorted out." Cursing silently as I tried to push my head through the neck hole too fast, before my arm was fully through, and getting it caught on one ear as I pulled it down.

"Mm, well that's good I suppose." He took a breath. "Anyway, Bells, Mrs Newton rang this morning, wondering if you're still available to work in the store tomorrow afternoon. I said I'd check with you and let her know. Will you be back?"

I hit my palm against my forehead. I'd forgotten all about it. It was their summer sale, they were going to be busy, I'd promised weeks ago that I'd work. It was the last thing in the world I felt like doing.

"Yeah, sure, we'll be home in the morning. Tell Mrs Newton I'll be there at noon."

"Okay. Well, I'll see you tomorrow then."

"Yeah, Dad, see you tomorrow." I pulled down the hem of my top. Dressed at last. But Charlie had a final message.

"And tell Edward to drive safe. Keep to the speed limit." He was suspicious of how quickly Edward could cover the distance between Forks and Chicago.

"Sure. Edward's a very careful driver. He'll keep to the speed limit." I rolled my eyes. "Bye, Dad." I ended the call and flopped back on the bed.

"You're working at Newton's tomorrow afternoon?" Edward emerged from the bathroom, properly dressed I was disappointed to see. Of course he'd heard both sides of the call. Vampire hearing.

"I promised weeks ago. It's their busy weekend." I lifted my head and let it flop back on the pillow again as I groaned.

Edward just nodded, but I could feel his tension. I waited, wondering if he would make his usual comments about me working there. But surprisingly, nothing.

"Aren't you going to say anything?" I asked.

"About what?"

"About me working at Newton's."

"No."

"Why? You usually do."

Edward smiled. "Well, you know you don't have to work there, but you choose to because you like that bit of independence it gives you. I can see that now. And, as much as I want to say you need never worry about money, I know you won't accept financial help from me."

"Oh. Good." Surprising. "But you're still tense."

His eyes narrowed and then he smiled. He ran a hand through his hair.

"You're not still worried about Mike Newton, are you? Oh, Edward, it doesn't matter what his thoughts about me are. He can think and wish whatever he likes, it doesn't change the fact that I'm yours."

"He still thinks he has a chance with you, you know." He almost growled the words. I climbed out of the bed, almost stumbling as my foot caught in the covers, and walked over to him. Surely he didn't still feel insecure. I reached up to take his face in my hands.

"Edward, remember what happened on that bed just a while ago?"

His eyes softened and he smiled that crooked smile. It went straight to my heart.

"And don't forget this," I held up my hand, reacquainting him with my engagement ring. "Do you really think he has a chance? Do you think he _ever_ had a chance?"

"No, I don't. And I realise it's completely irrational, it's just my instinct to protect what's ... ," he sighed and shook his head. "I was going to say_ what's mine_, but that sounds possessive." He took a deep breath. "It's just my instinct to protect what I love." He shrugged as one corner of his mouth turned up irresistibly.

I leant up and kissed him, then looked him square in the eye.

"I _am_ yours, Edward. Forever."

He sighed and closed his eyes as he rested his forehead against mine. His arms went around me and he ran his nose across my cheek and down to my jaw. "Bella," he moaned as his lips travelled to my throat, kissing and sucking at the skin there. I shivered in surprised pleasure as his hand came up to brush lightly over my breast and I arched my neck to give his lips more access. I barely heard him as he whispered between kisses,

"Mine."

--------------------------------------------------

We pulled into Charlie's driveway at around nine o'clock the next morning. I had three hours until I was due at work. Luckily, I'd slept well on the drive, snuggled into my blanket with Edward's hand resting on my shoulder.

We had eventually left the hotel room and gone out. We had visited the Chicago History Museum and also went by Edward's house again, as he'd promised.

"Will we ever live here?" I'd asked, more thinking out loud than anything else. Edward had seemed puzzled.

"I ... don't know. Usually, our kind lives away from humans. Everything is easier that way. But, if you wanted to ... I suppose we could."

"It was just a thought," I'd smiled up at him. Then, as we got back in the car to drive away, he'd turned to me.

"Actually, Bella, I think I like the idea of bringing you here to live one day." and a grin had spread across his face. I'd smiled. I kind of liked the idea, too.

And we'd driven past George's music school. It was on one floor of a small building in a poor part of town.

"Looks like they could really use some help," I'd murmured as I'd looked out the car window. The dark clouds and drizzling rain hadn't helped appearances.

Edward had nodded. "It's what happens inside that counts. But if they have bigger premises they can accommodate more kids." He'd shrugged. "I'll provide the money, it's up to them how they use it. I trust Rebecca," he said simply.

Then, Edward had insisted on dinner, and now, we were back in Forks. The past three days, and their events, seemed surreal as I stood on Charlie's front porch.

"Will you come in?" Edward had carried my bag to the front door.

"I think Charlie would like some time with you," he said, smirking. "I can hear him, he knows we're home. And since I took you away unchaperoned for three nights, I'm definitely not his favourite person right now. Even more than usual."

I pouted.

"But I'll see you tonight?"

"Of course. Would you like to come to my place?"

I nodded. "I'd like to see Alice, and everyone. I'll drive over after dinner."

"I can't wait," he whispered and bent down to kiss me before turning back down the path. I watched him go, walking away from me, and though I knew we'd be together in a few hours, I still felt the loss of him.

Suddenly, I needed to say something. Something I'd been thinking about on the drive home.

The wedding.

Edward had been very patient, never once asking me about it. I knew he would want to go ahead with our original date, but I also knew he'd want me to be sure. He wasn't going to pressure me and I'd needed time to sort out how I felt about George and Lucy. And about Edward. But now, after meeting George and Rebecca, and the time we'd spent together in the hotel, the conversations we'd had, here in Forks and in Chicago,I knew what I wanted to do.

Over the past two weeks I'd discovered Edward all over again. I'd learned lots of new things about him, seen new facets to his character and, I realised, now I loved him even more.

He was about to step into the car and I had my key in the lock. I called him.

"Edward!"

He turned and when I didn't say anything else he came back to me.

"Bella?"

"I've been thinking about the wedding."

"Oh," he looked down at his shoes.

"I've been thinking we should go ahead as planned." He raised his eyes to me, they seemed wary. "On August 13th. If that's okay with you."

He took a deep breath and put his hands up to cradle my face.

"Bella, are you absolutely sure?" His eyes looked deep into mine, searching.

I put my hands up to cover his, and turned my face to kiss the palm of his hand.

"Yes."

His eyes stayed intent on mine and I wondered what he was thinking. After a moment his expression softened and a wide smile spread across his face.

"Then yes, it's okay with me." His voice cracked as he spoke.

He kissed me hard and my head started to spin. I laughed when he let me come up for air. He kissed me again. "I love you," he whispered in my ear.

"And I love you."

He squeezed me tighter in his arms. "Mm, do I _have_ to wait until tonight to see you again? Can't you tell the Newtons you're not coming?" He was resting his forehead against mine now, his hair was falling in his eyes.

"I'd like to, but I can't. I told them I'd work."

"I know," he sighed, pushing my hair back from my face. "I'll go home and tell Alice our wedding news." That seemed to cheer him. "And that way I can save you the brunt of her enthusiasm. It should be diluted somewhat by the time you see her."

"Do you think she'll already know? Now that we've made the decision?"

"Probably, although she hasn't called to squeal down the phone at me." He laughed and kissed me again. It was going to be a long day without him.

"But tomorrow," he whispered against my cheek, "... tomorrow I'll take you to the meadow." He traced his nose along my jaw and chuckled at the little tremor that went through me.

"Promise?"

"Oh, I promise."

Charlie was glad to see me - in his way. His awkward, one-armed hug told me how much he'd missed me. I felt my heart twist when I thought of how things would be when I was changed and couldn't see him any more, but I pushed that feeling aside.

Thankfully, being Charlie, he didn't need too many details about our time away. So, by nine thirty our conversation was done and he was off to go fishing. I unpacked my stuff and was on my bed reading when the phone rang.

"Hello?"

"Bella!! Oh, Bella, Edward told me! I already knew of course, but Esme made me wait until I heard it directly from one of you. I'm so excited, but we have so much work to do. Edward said you're coming over tonight after work. I'll have everything ready to go through. We don't have much time, only four weeks, but luckily most of the work is already done. It'll just be some tweaking and confirming details, really. How do you feel about ice sculptures?"

"Is that you, Alice?" I smirked. Her peels of laughter rang through the phone. "I'm glad you're happy, Alice. I am too."

"You should see, Edward. He's absolutely beaming!"

I laughed and my heart flipped at the image of a beaming Edward.

"I'll see you tonight, Alice. Around seven, okay?"

"Yes, I know, I've seen it. I have to go now, I have so much to do. Bye!"

I laughed as I hung up. Edward was beaming. I was glad to be doing this now. All my trepidation about the wedding had fallen away. I wanted to declare my love for him in the traditional way, in front of witnesses. I wanted him to know how much I loved him. He'd felt enough shame and guilt, I wasn't going to hide our wedding away as if it was something to be embarrassed about.

-----------------------------

I arrived at Newtons Sporting Goods at five minutes to twelve.

"Ah, Bella, thank goodness you're here," Mrs Newton looked a little flustered as she smiled at me from behind the till. Her usually impeccable grooming looked a little rough around the edges as her hair tried to escape from its roll at the back of her neck.

There were several people browsing, a few who were clearly waiting for service and a queue of three at the counter. Mike was demonstrating a pop up tent to a customer. He looked up and gave me a wave. I waved back as I moved to the wide, wooden counter and stowed my bag underneath it.

"What can I do?"

"Maybe just help the people waiting, for now."

"Okay."

I spent the next few hours helping customers and ringing up sales. Mike put me in charge of hiking clothes and backpacks while he looked after the hunting equipment and anything pointy or sharp. He'd worked with me often enough to understand my weaker areas.

By four o'clock things had quieted down. Only one more hour and I could go home. I'd make dinner and eat with Charlie, then I'd go to Edward's. I felt a little thrill go through me.

"I'm just going to drive this order over to the Lucas'. Things are quieter now, you two should be alright without me." Mike helped his mother load a box into the back of her truck and I watched as she drove away down the street. Mike walked back into the shop.

"Just the two of us," he said with an awkward laugh. We'd been so busy we hadn't had a chance for small talk.

"Yeah," I smiled. "Um, I think I'll just put these boots away." I grabbed the boxes of unwanted hiking boots that my last customer had been trying on and moved over to the clothing section at the side of the store.

"So how was Chicago?" Mike was starting to pack away the pop-up tent that he'd been demonstrating over and over all afternoon.

"Fine." I began re-positioning the boots neatly in their boxes, tucking the tissue paper carefully around them.

"Not long till the wedding now?"

"No, just four more weeks." I made sure the lids matched the right boxes.

He nodded, pulling the tent's support rods out of their nylon pockets. Ever since the engagement, Mike had found it harder to talk to me.

"Are you nervous?"

"Um, ... no." And I surprised myself. I truly wasn't nervous about the wedding anymore. I was smiling. "How are things with Jessica?" I'd heard they might be back together, but Mike shrugged.

"Good, I guess. We're seeing a movie tonight. I don't know which one, Jess is choosing."

Oh, bound to be a romantic comedy then. "That sounds like fun."

He smiled. "I hope so, but, we have very different tastes in movies."

I laughed.

"You know, I think we sold seven of these tents today," he said, expertly stuffing the unwieldy, colourful sheets of nylon back in the carry bag. "I think that's a record for us." He had the tent poles tucked under an arm, and the unused tent pegs in one hand. It was all going smoothly, he'd obviously done it before.

The shelves where the shoe boxes were kept were tall, up to the ceiling. There was a ladder to reach the top and I climbed it carefully, balancing two of the many boxes in one hand while I inched along the side rail with the other. I could feel it rocking slightly with the movement of my steps.

"Um, Bella, how about you let me do that?"

"No, it's okay. I'm nearly there."

"Well, let me hold the ladder for you, at least."

He put down the poles and walked over. I felt the ladder steady and looked down to see Mike holding if firmly with one hand and his foot on the bottom rung.

"Thanks,"

"No problem. Can't have you falling and hurting yourself." Then he added more quietly, "... and Cullen would kill me if anything happened to you here."

I reached the top shelves and held onto the rung above me. My other hand stretched out to slide one box into its place but it started to slip away from me. Without even thinking, I let go of the top rung and grabbed at it in reflex. I wobbled, trying to regain my balance and grabbed back at the rung, missing it.

"Bella! Be careful!" And I tried to be, but with a sick realisation that only took a fraction of a second, I knew I coudn't be. I fell.

I heard Mike cry out my name again as he moved to try and catch me. He was right under me, arms outstretched and I landed on him awkwardly. I heard a crack and felt pressure against my left side, but no pain. Then I smelt it. The blood. I was puzzled as the nausea began to take over. I looked into Mike's eyes and saw horror, and pain, and then let my gaze drift down to the dark stain which was rapidly growing bigger across my shirt, and the two, thin pieces of metal that seemed to be sticking out of my body. Ah, I realised in a bizarre state of calm, he'd still been holding the tent pegs in his hand. My vision faded as my body went limp. Somewhere, as if in a tunnel, a phone was ringing. My mind was swimming and sound was becoming fainter as I began to lose consciousness, the ring of the phone fading away now. But I couldn't mistake the last sounds I heard, coming to me through a black fog - a screech of brakes and someone yelling my name. Edward.


	10. Chapter 10: Hating Mike Newton

1My mind was crawling back from the dark as a vague awareness came over me. A sensation in my side, tugging, pulling, becoming pain. My name a roar on Edward's lips. A crash, a cry, a cold hand. Blackness again.

Then, from a long way away, a siren. Confused voices, shouting - Mike and Charlie. But through everything, Edward's voice, clear and close.

"I'm here, Bella. I'm here. Don't leave me. Please."

---------------------------------

Alice was standing at the foot of the bed when I peeled my eyes open.

"Hi," she said, grinning.

"Um, hi." I looked around. White walls, vinyl floor, apricot curtains pulled around one side of the metal bed. Forks Hospital.

I stretched experimentally then wriggled around, trying to pull myself into more of a sitting position.

"You probably shouldn't do that. Not yet." Alice came closer, frowning.

"I'm okay," I mumbled, though the pulling feeling on my left side told me otherwise. "Where's Edward?" I looked down at the tube going into a blue vein on the back of my hand. "And my ring?"

"They took it off for the surgery. Edward has it."

"Where is he? And Charlie?" They'd both been there when I'd fallen asleep.

"Carlisle made Edward take a bathroom break, for appearances. He'll be annoyed he wasn't here when you woke up." Her face crumpled a little in another frown. "And Charlie's gone for a coffee."

I nodded, and reached down to touch my side. I could feel the thick dressing through the pale blue hospital gown.

"So how are you feeling, now? Does it hurt?"

"Not really. It just feels ... sort of numb. And heavy."

Alice nodded wisely. "That would be the pain killers. You'll feel differently when they start to wear off."

I rolled my eyes. "Thanks for that."

She smiled. "Don't worry, the doctors will give you more. You seem much more alert than you did after the surgery."

"Yeah, I feel more alert." Vague memories. A mask on my face, Carlisle telling me I'd be fine, a different doctor explaining that surgery went well. Charlie's anxious face and Edward's anguished eyes.

I settled back on the pillows.

"What time is it now?" I rubbed my eyes with my un-tubed hand.

"It's ten o'clock, Sunday morning."

I nodded. Sixteen hours since I impaled myself on the tent pegs in Mike's hand.

"So, give me some details, Alice, now that I'm more _alert_."

She came and sat gingerly on the bed.

"You had two abdominal puncture wounds - one small, one jagged where the tent peg dragged." A wave of nausea rippled through me at the thought, but Alice didn't seem to notice. "No major organs were damaged and you lost some blood, but not a lot. You had surgery to repair the larger wound but you'll make a full recovery. And ... that's about it." She finished with a smile.

I tried to adjust my position again.

"Do you want me to plump your pillows?" She seemed excited at the idea.

"Um, yes, okay." Alice stood up and expertly squeezed and fluffed and plumped. I leant back and definitely felt more comfortable. She put her arms around me carefully in a loose hug. "Thanks,"I smiled up at her when she pulled away.

"Is Edward okay, Alice?"

"Mm, he will be now that you're properly awake." She sat back down on the bed. "I'm sure you can imagine how he's been, though." She rolled her eyes. "I told him you'd be alright. I kept showing him a vision of you sitting up here eating red jello but he's still been a wreck."

I frowned. I hated red jello and she was right - I _could_ imagine him.

"But he can't blame himself for this," I said firmly. "He wasn't even there when it happened." But he was on his way to me, I realised. "Did you see it, Alice?"

Her smile faded and a look of pain crossed her exquisite features.

"I was trying to interest him in my ice sculpture catalogue and ... I just saw you. Falling and then bleeding." She shuddered in a very human way. I reached out my hand, trying to ignore the tubes, and put it on her cold one. "And I saw the tent pegs, and Mike Newton pulling them out ... ," she paused. "And you dying."

"Dying?" I choked out the word, shocked.

She nodded solemnly. "In the vision, Mike panicked and tried to pull them out. He was pretty rough and he nicked an artery. You bled to death before you got to the hospital." My jaw dropped. "Apparently he didn't listen in the first aid lessons last year. He didn't realise you're not supposed to remove an object when someone's impaled on it."

"But ... but that didn't happen." I whispered.

"No, it didn't. Edward saw the vision as soon as I had it and he was out the door, phone stuck to his ear, before I even said a word . He was trying to call the store while I called Carlisle at the hospital." She flicked some invisible dust from her skirt. "Emmett had to reattach the front door."

"He pulled the door off?"

"Oh yes. Very Edward. But it was an emergency."

I shook my head. Very Edward.

"I remember the phone ringing just after I fell. And then he arrived. I heard his car, and his voice." Edward's voice. I'd known as soon as I heard it that everything would be alright. "So Edward stopped Mike?"

Alice nodded. I let out a long breath. He'd saved my life again. My eyes closed, and I shuddered at the thought of what he must have gone through.

"Is Mike okay? I mean, it must have been scary for him. Oh, and I fell on him, too!" I suddenly remembered.

"He's alright. And his arm should be fine. The cast will be off in a few weeks."

Cast? "Did I break his arm?" It wasn't enough that I'd injured myself, I had to take someone with me.

"Not you. Edward."

I felt my jaw drop. "Edward broke Mike's arm?" Disbelief. "Why? I know he doesn't like him, but it wasn't Mike's fault!"

"It would have been if you'd died," Alice said seriously. "But calm down, Bella. It wasn't like that." Alice put her hand on mine.

"What then?"

"When Edward arrived, he saw you lying there, with the blood, and Mike was trying to pull out the tent pegs. Edward had seen that it would kill you ... so he did a leap over the counter and pushed Mike out of the way." She grimaced slightly.

"Oh." Now I understood. "Is it a bad break?"

"Not too bad. Edward obviously exerted _some_ sort of control, but Mike's lucky he still has an arm. Carlisle set it for him."

Suddenly, Alice hopped off the bed.

"They're coming back."

A moment later Charlie appeared. Relief was written all over his face when he saw me awake.

"Bella, honey. How're you feeling?"

"Fine." Although my mind was still reeling from everything Alice had told me. He sat down in the chair beside the bed and started patting my hand.

"You're going to be okay, Bells." It sounded like he was trying to convince himself more than me.

"I know, Dad," I smiled, squeezing his hand. Then I looked past him to the door. Looking for Edward.

"He's coming, Bella, he'll be here in a just a minute."

Was I that obvious?

The door opened and Edward walked in. I felt my heart expanding in my chest. His hair seemed more tussled than usual, hanging down into his eyes. He looked weary, though I knew that wasn't possible, as he came and gave me a soft kiss on the forehead. He put his hand on my cheek and I could feel his love and relief travel through me.

"Hello." His voice was quiet, his eyes searching mine.

"Hi."

He sat on the bed. "Is this okay?" I nodded and wriggled over a little until our legs were touching through the blankets. He smiled and my heart skipped. It was like we were the only people in the room. In the world.

"I have something for you," he said softly. He took my left hand in one of his and reached into his pocket with the other.

"My ring!" He smiled as he held it up and then bent his head over my hand as he gently slid it onto my finger.

"Back where it belongs," he whispered, kissing my hand once it was in place.

I was vaguely aware of Alice speaking and Charlie clearing his throat.

"Bella? Bells? I'll, er, let you and Edward have some time together. I'll be back later."

Our moment was obviously making him feel awkward.

"Oh, are you sure, Dad?" He nodded as he pushed back the chair and said goodbye to Edward. "Okay, well I'll see you later." He gave my hand a squeeze as he turned to go.

Alice smiled. "I'll be back later, too, when Esme and the others want come and see you." She gave a little wave as she danced out the door behind Charlie.

"So are you feeling alright?" Edward's eyes were still on mine.

"I'm fine."

He frowned. "A building could fall on you and you'd say you were fine." I could hear the strain in his voice.

I sighed. "Okay, I feel alright now, but I think I'll be sore when the pain killers wear off. When I move it twinges a little."

Edward smiled. "Thank you for the honesty."

"Now, tell me how_ you_ are."

"I'm fine." He smirked at the look I gave him. "Let me clarify. I'm fine, _now._ Now that I'm here with you, and I can see that you're alright." He dropped his gaze. "Alice told you about her vision." It wasn't a question, he would have read it in her mind.

"Yes," I stroked his hand.

"When I saw it ... ," he shook his head and looked up at me again and this time the anguish in his eyes was clear. "My whole world changed in that second. _Our_ whole world changed. It took two years to get to where we are and then ... gone."

"It's not gone, Edward."

He nodded, looking down again. "I know." He was rubbing my hand. "When I saw you...," he stopped for a breath. "Your heart sounded strong, so I just held onto that. But I was wondering how I was going to change you, if it came to that." My eyes widened at his words. "The situation and location were difficult, but I was working on a plan. Just in case." He seemed to shudder at the memory. I pulled on his hand, gently. He looked at me, puzzled. I smiled and tugged harder, pulling him towards me. He followed and I wriggled closer to the edge of the bed, leaving space beside me. When Edward was close enough I reached up, putting my hands on either side of his face. Slowly I pulled him down to me, pulling him in.

"Bella, I don't think ... "

"Ssh."

He let out a breath and gave in, climbing carefully up onto the bed so he was lying next to me. Gently, I rested his cheek against my chest. I put my arms around him and held him there, over my beating heart. I stroked the back of his neck and he gave a deep sigh and curled himself around me. I felt the tension leave his body and he closed his eyes. We stayed that way for some time.

"I'm sorry I wasn't here when you woke up." Edward lifted his head after a while. He took a moment to reposition himself very carefully so he was sitting along side me, my shoulder against his arm, his hand holding mine in his lap, our legs lying next to each other. I was glad. His closeness was better than any pain killer and he seemed to understand that. He wasn't treating me like I was made of glass.

"It's okay. Alice explained where you were and she filled me in on everything." He seemed to tense a little. "She told me about the wound and the surgery."

He nodded and started rubbing his thumb in circles into my palm. "And Mike's arm," I said casually.

He eyes narrowed. "I was going to tell you about that later." He looked away so I couldn't see his face.

"Alice said it happened when you stopped him pulling the tent pegs out."

Edward's jaw tensed before he started speaking rapidly. "That's pretty much it, yes." I noticed his teeth had come together, hard. " The idiot thought he was helping but he didn't realise the damage he was causing. He would have killed you." He took a shaky breath. "I had to stop him." He looked up at me suddenly. "I was a bit ... distraught ... at the time." He gave me a weak smile and I smiled back. I wanted him to know I understood but I felt a bit bad for Mike. Edward must have been terrifying.

"Did you really jump the counter?"

"Yes, why?"

"I wish I'd seen it."

I reached my face up to his. He understood and lent down to kiss me but pulled back almost straight away.

"What?"

"We're about to get visitors."

I scowled. "Who?"

"Carlisle and Dr Lewis"

"Dr Lewis?"

"She's been treating you since you came in."

I was confused. I'd assumed Carlisle would have been looking after me.

"It's hospital policy, love. You're too closely connected to Carlisle for him to treat you."

"Too close?"

He ran his hand over my hair, and there was happiness shining in his eyes now. "You're practically his daughter-in-law, remember?"

Ah, now I understood. I grinned back at Edward and he leant down to kiss me, but just before his lips touched mine, he whispered, "Just don't be too embarrassed by anything she says." Before I could ask what he meant his lips brushed over mine.

"Sorry, we didn't mean to interrupt." Carlisle was smiling at us.

Edward pulled back and I looked at the tall, silver haired woman who'd just followed Carlisle through the door. She approached the bed and held out her hand.

"Hi Bella, I'm Dr Lewis. I've been treating you since you came in. It's nice to see you awake."

Her smile was warm and friendly and I smiled back as I shook her hand.

"I'm just going to do some checks. Your injuries weren't too serious, luckily. You can stay if you want, Edward."

"Thank you." His voice held a smile and he shared a look with Carlisle. Dr Lewis' offer was meaningless. Nothing was going to drag him away.

"Bella, I have some rounds to do now, but I'll look in on you later, okay?" Carlisle gave my hand a squeeze. "It's good to see you looking so well," he said before he left the room.

Dr Lewis took my pulse and my blood pressure, she checked my eyes, felt my head for bumps and listened to my heart. Then she very gently felt my stomach and the lower area between my naval and my hip bone, where the wound was. While Edward went to look out the window she lifted my gown and checked under the dressing. I grimaced as she prodded around and then pulled the gown back into place around my thighs.

Edward came back to sit on the bed beside me, holding my hand, as Dr Lewis went through what had happened. It was basically as Alice had said, but with more medical detail.

"I'm going to keep you on soft foods, just until you've been to the bathroom and we know everything's working okay. I don't expect there to be any problems, it's just standard practice with abdominal injuries." She smiled apologetically. "Once you go home you'll need to keep the wound clean and replace the dressing each day after you shower. We'll give you enough dressings and antiseptic wipes to take with you."

I nodded.

"You'll have to come back in about a week to get the stitches out and we'll put some small adhesive strips over the wound then, just to support it while it keeps healing. They'll come off after another week and after that you should be fine. Until then, though, you'll need to take it easy. No heavy lifting, no physical exertion."

"Uh huh." I couldn't say much more than that - Edward was stroking the side of my neck.

"You can probably go home in a day or two. I'll write a script for some pain killers in case you need them." She went to the end of the bed and began writing on the chart that hung from the bed frame. Then she came to sit on the foot of the bed.

"Everything's good, but there's something I want to discuss with you both." Her voice was more serious now. Beside me I could see Edward trying to hide a smile. His lips were twisting and he wasn't looking at me. I felt my heart start to pound. Was this the embarrassing part?

"I believe you're getting married soon." Her eyes flickered to my engagement ring and she smiled. "I think it might be a good idea if, sexually, you take things easy until the stitches are out and the adhesive strips have done their job." She gave a light laugh. "Two weeks isn't too long to wait, I hope. And in the meantime there's nothing wrong with lots of touching and hugs and kisses."

The blush ranged over my face and neck. Edward was still looking away. He could have warned me.

"Two weeks. Okay, got it." I spoke abruptly, trying to stop the conversation going any further but Dr Lewis wasn't to be deterred. "And take it a bit slowly for a week or so when you _do _resume your activities. No acrobatics at first, okay? Just to be on the safe side." She smiled warmly. "Four weeks should see you ready for anything!"

Acrobatics? Ready for anything? I was looking down at my hands, wishing a hole would open up and swallow me. I snuck a peek at Edward. His face was smooth and expressionless, but when Dr Lewis turned her head away ... he winked at me! I barely stopped the giggle from bursting through my lips. I tried to compose my face again.

But suddenly, Edward tensed and his grip on my hand became a little harder. I wondered what he'd heard in her thoughts.

"There's one more issue I would like to address," her voice was even more serious. "Often, with abdominal injuries, the first thing a woman wants to know is if she can still have children." Oh no, not this. No wonder Edward was tense. "And I'm sure, as you're young and about to be married, that worry has been uppermost in your minds." Now she was looking at Edward, too.

"Now the good news is that there is no need to worry. You can still have a family, this injury has no effect on your ability to bear a child at all."

I heard a slight hitch in Edward's breathing and he looked out the window. The muscles in his jaw and neck were like steel cables.

"We weren't planning on having children." I said, shakily, rubbing my thumb over his hand.

"Lots of young women say that," she smiled at me. "They almost always change their minds."

Dr Lewis left the room and Edward and I sat in silence. The mood had changed. I was hanging on to his hand, hard.

We'd skirted around this issue before, when we first became engaged. And I knew it had been on his mind since the arrival of George. He was worried he was taking away my chance for motherhood. I'd told him, truthfully, that I didn't need motherhood.

Edward took a breath and his head was bowed, looking at our hands together.

"Bella, if you ever decide ... ,"

I cut him off.

"I already have everything I want Edward. I have you. That's all I need." I looked straight into his eyes, willing him to believe me, though it was in his nature always to doubt. He held my gaze for a moment then gave me a soft smile and nodded, but I wondered if he would let it go.

Suddenly, the mood shifted again. Edward's head snapped around towards the door. He swung his legs off the bed and stood up, reaching one arm across me protectively and he started ... snarling?

"What? What's wrong?"

A second later the door opened, and Mike stuck his head around the corner. When he saw Edward he recoiled and went to back out again, quickly. I looked at Edward and gasped. Oh! No wonder Mike bolted! I'd only seen that face a handful of times but I knew what it meant. Lips curled back, teeth bared. Protector. Predator.

"Edward," I hissed, and squeezed his hand as the door banged shut.

He dropped the face instantly, his posture returning to normal.

"What?"

"You scared him!"

"He's lucky that's all I did."

"Edward!"

"He should never have let you climb up that ladder." He defended himself against the look I was giving him.

"Edward, it was _my_ decision to climb the ladder. I'm the one who fell. Mike tried to ... well you know what happened. He tried to catch me."

"He impaled you!" His eyes were blazing and he spoke through clenched teeth.

"Edward, he didn't mean to."

"He was killing you!" He held one hand out, palm up, imploring, his other hand tearing through his hair. His voice was shaking.

"He didn't know," I whispered, but now I recognised the depth of Edward's fury. And fear.

I held out my arms to him. "I'm sorry," I said.

He shook his head sharply. "You have nothing to be sorry for." He spoke abruptly, his whole body tense. I waited. After a moment he relaxed his shoulders and gave me a shaky half smile. He climbed onto the bed beside me and I remembered the words he'd spoken as he'd held me, bleeding, on the floor of Newton's store. I rested my forehead against his, my hands cupping his face.

"I'm here, Edward. And I won't leave you."

He let out a shuddering breath and held me tight.

We were still in each others arms a while later when the door opened and an orderly wheeled in a battered trolley with a squeaky wheel. He picked up one of a dozen covered metal trays and set it down on the cupboard by the bed.

"Lunch," he said sharply, not looking at us, as he and the trolley squeaked out the door again.

"Lets see what's on the menu," Edward reached across and lifted the lid.

I groaned. Red jello.

--------------------------------------

I'd had a steady stream of visitors. Charlie, Cullens, Jessica, Charlie, Cullens, Angela and Ben, Charlie, Cullens, Tyler and Eric. Mike stayed away, but Mrs Newton brought me a fruit basket, with get well wishes and apologies from Mike. Edward behaved himself during that visit, though he never left my side or let go of my hand.

Finally, on the afternoon of day two, I took some of the gentle exercise that Dr Lewis had recommended. Edward had a gentle hold on my arm as I walked slowly along the hospital hallways.

"I'll race you to the fire doors." I grinned up at him and he chuckled. It was good to see him happy. We walked past the x-ray department, past pathology, ending up near the children's ward. We turned the corner and came to the nursery. I glanced into the large glass window. There were two babies in residence. Both boys I guessed, going by the blue ID cards on the ends of their cribs. One had dark hair, one had no hair at all. Their faces were scrunched up, eyes shut tight, rosebud mouths and little snub noses, skin like velvet, dusted with a fine white powder. The dark haired baby had wriggled one arm free of his blanket and his hand rested on his cheek. He had quite long fingers. Tiny nails.

I'd never been interested in babies or children - the result of too many years spent mothering my own mother, I supposed. But as I looked into the nursery, I wondered briefly what George had looked like as a baby, had he looked like a little Edward? I smiled at the thought. I didn't feel the envy or jealousy I'd experienced when I'd first learned of his existence. Understanding the circumstances around his birth, and meeting him, had helped me deal with that. But now, as I looked at the babies in their cribs, I wondered what our baby would look like. Edward's and mine. A little bronze haired boy with a crooked smile.

It wasn't a sad thought, there was no longing or regret, just ... wondering. Edward's voice broke through.

"Bella?" There was some tension in his voice as he stood behind me. I looked up at him over my shoulder and smiled. "You were miles away." His hand was rubbing over my shoulder and back. "What are you thinking?"

I was about to lie, and say _nothing_ or maybe make something up. But he'd see through it, my blushing, at least, would give me away. And we'd been so honest and open with each other these last few weeks, I didn't want to step back into the old ways - I didn't want to hide anything. But still I debated the wisdom of telling the truth. Especially after Dr Lewis' little talk the day before and his reaction. Before I came to a decision, though, Edward answered the question himself.

"Were you wondering about our baby?"

My eyes opened wide, my smile dropped into open mouthed shock. How could he have known? Tension ripped through me as I tried to anticipate his reaction. I closed my eyes and nodded dumbly, then prepared for the fallout. I knew what he was going to do, he would throw his head in his hands and insist on releasing me from the engagement so I could marry someone else and have their babies. He'd be racked with guilt, selfishness. So I was shocked when his arms wound gently around my waist and he rested his chin on my shoulder.

"She'd be beautiful." His voice was soft in my ear.

"Wh, what?"

"She'd have your deep, brown eyes, and your beautiful hair." His hand reached up and let some strands filter through his fingers. "She'd have my co-ordination, I'd hope, and maybe my musical ability. But she'd have your goodness." He turned me around to look at him. "I've imagined it too, Bella." His eyes were still sad, but there was love there too. So much love. "I'm sorry that ... if you ever ... "

I put my fingers on his lips to stop him. "Just leave it there, Edward." I smiled up at him. "I only need you." He smiled as he bent down to brush his lips against mine. But I ruined the moment when my stomach grumbled. He pulled back and I laughed. "Come on, I'll beat you to the cafeteria." He laughed too, but I could still see a sadness in his eyes.

We were sitting in orange plastic chairs at a small, fake-woodgrain table. I was still trying to get my head around Edward's reaction outside the nursery. A few weeks ago he would have acted very differently, I was quite sure of that. But even though he hadn't beaten himself up as I'd expected, I wondered if he was really going to leave it there. I didn't have long to wonder.

"Bella ... ," Edward's voice was soft. I looked at him over the hot chocolate he'd bought me. His eyes were sad again, but he was smiling slightly. He reached across the table and took my hand in his, looking at my fingers. I knew where this was going. My heart clenched. He wasn't going to leave it alone.

"I've been thinking ... " He looked up at me. I had a fair idea what he was going to say, and I didn't want to hear it.

"Bella, you loved me enough to bring George into my life. Into our lives." He smiled. "If you ever ... "

I cut him off.

"Edward, don't ... ," but he mimicked my action from before and put his finger to my lips. He smiled and waited until he was sure I wouldn't interrupt.

"Bella, if ever you decide you want a baby, I won't stand in your way. Please know that."

I could see the love and sincerity in his eyes. It was mingled with the pain. He was hurting, and for no reason. I didn't want someone else's child. If I couldn't have Edward's baby, I didn't want one. I opened my mouth to tell him all this, again. To make him understand that I didn't need children.

I was ready to do what I normally did when he was being torn with self-doubt and guilt about some imagined problem - I was ready to rage and argue, deny and refute. But then I stopped. I decided to do the opposite.

I chose to acknowledge his words, and recognise and accept the deep, unfailing love that was behind them.

"I do know that, Edward. I do."

And he smiled. The cloud lifted from his expression.

Over the past few weeks I'd leared that Edward couldn't be bullied or argued into understanding. Doing that just gave him something to rage back against. No, Edward came to understanding through love. My words and tone had told him more than any argument. All the things that he saw as misgivings and problems, I saw as choices. My choices. And I chose to be with him.

He lifted my hand and pressed it to his lips. "I love you," he whispered.

"And I love you." I reached out and took his other hand and rested it against my cheek, turning my face to kiss his palm. His smile widened, his eyes were soft.

I finished my hot chocolate, wiping my mouth on the napkin before screwing it into a ball and stuffing it into the empty cup.

"Was it any good?" Edward asked as he helped me to my feet.

"Mm, okay, not as good as the ones I had in Chicago though. They were the best." I giggled, thinking about the night Edward had gone out in the rain to buy me my hot chocolate. And what happened when he came back and caught me dancing. My blush started to make an appearance. Edward must have been remembering the same thing because suddenly he bent down to whisper in my ear.

"Bella, if I sent to Chicago for hot chocolate, would you dance for me again?"

-------------------------------

That first night home I took a long time showering. I knew I had to change the dressing myself afterwards and I was trying to put it off as long as I could. I carefully pulled on my old pyjamas - I'd deliberately ignored the glamorous blue nightie that Alice had given me so I could _recover in style_ - and headed back to my bedroom. I opened the door and my heart skipped when I saw Edward lying on the bed. It was only two hours since he'd said goodnight to Charlie and me, but even that was too long. Of course, he heard the erratic beat and looked up, smiling.

"Maybe I should stay away until you've completely recovered."

"Don't you dare." I was laughing.

I walked over and went to sit next to him. His hands stopped me, gently but firmly.

"Have you changed your dressing yet?"

I frowned. I'd forgotten that as soon as I saw him.

"Er no. I can do it later."

"Why later? It's supposed to be changed straight after showering."

I scowled and looked at the floor. I didn't want to look at my stitches. I didn't want the adhesive of the dressing to pull my skin when I removed it.

"Didn't the nurses show you how?"

"You know they did, Edward. I'm just ... I don't like that sort of thing."

He was thoughtful for a moment.

"If you like, I could change it for you. You could watch what I do and then try yourself tomorrow night. It's really not hard. What do you think?"

"Are you serious?" I asked. He'd never had his hands below my waist before. But I supposed this _was_ different. Changing a bandage was hardly romantic after all.

"I am serious. But if you're not comfortable ... ,"

"No, no. I'm comfortable with it. Should I lie down?"

He smiled.

"No, come here." Edward motioned for me to stand between his legs. I was trying very hard to keep my heart beat even and breathe normally. He seemed surprisingly composed, almost clinical.

"Could you lift your top for me?"

I lifted it and exposed my tummy where the plastic backed dressing was stuck down my left side. The wound was about three centimeters long, ending just below my hip bone.

Very gently Edward began peeling back the corner edge.

"Tell me if I hurt you," he said softly.

I could feel a slight tugging but no discomfort. It only took a second and then it was off.

Edward was studying my wound. I was studying Edward.

"Mm, it's looking good. How does it feel?"

"Not too bad. It burns a little, and itches."

He nodded. "That's part of the healing process. There's no puckering or inflammation. The surrounding area is smooth." I was surprised when he carefully pressed his fingers to my skin. "The skin is knitting together very well already. I don't even think there'll be much of a scar." He reached over to my bedside table and grabbed the pack of antiseptic wipes and fresh dressings that I'd brought home from the hospital.

"You sound like a doctor."

"Two medical degrees, remember," he murmured as he opened the wipes and took one out. "This might sting," Very softly his long fingers wiped the small piece of material over the stitches. He was right, it did sting. I flinched slightly and he jerked back a little.

"Sorry." We both said it at the same time. He looked up at me and shook his head, smiling.

"Don't apologise, Bella. I'm the one with the stinging antiseptic wipe, remember?"

Edward opened a fresh dressing, smoothly pulling the plastic cover away from the sticky edge that surrounded the soft gauze pad.

"Be still, please," he murmured softly as I shifted my weight slightly.

He reached out and gently placed the dressing over my wound, his cool fingers softly grazing my skin. Starting at the top he smoothed it down to fix it properly in place. The dressing was longer than the wound and its bottom edge would come down lower than my pyjamas. I thought he might feel awkward about that, but without hesitation, he smoothly lowered one side of the elastic waistband, exposing a bit more of me than he'd ever seen, and fixed the last part of the dressing in place, below my hip. My breathing hitched as he gently put the waistband back in place.

"Did I hurt you?" his voice was anxious.

"No. No I ... you surprised me, that's all."

He said nothing, but I could see a smile playing around his lips.

We were still for a moment. Me still holding up my top. Edward studying his handiwork.

"All done." he said quietly. I was about to lower my top when he slowly reached out to stop me. My heart started to gallop, but this time he didn't comment. He put his hand on the small of my back and with the gentlest of pressure he pulled me towards him. At the same time he moved his face towards me. He lowered his face slightly and I held my breath as his perfect lips placed the softest of kisses on the bare skin beside my bandage. Then he ran his icy fingers over the place where his lips had been.

I heard myself sigh. He pulled back slowly and smiled up at me through his lashes.

"They didn't teach you that at medical school," I breathed. He gave a low chuckle as I let my top drop back down.

In one smooth motion he picked me up and laid me down on the bed, tucking the covers around me. He picked up the old dressing and the empty packets, wrapped them in a tissue and disappeared through the door. He returned a second later and laid carefully beside me on the bed, wrapping his arms around me.

"I hope you were watching what I did." Was he kidding? "Do you think you'll be able to do it yourself tomorrow night?"

I shook my head. "No."

"No?"

"No. It'll have to be you again. You're much better at it than I would be." He smiled and placed a kiss in my hair as he pulled me closer to him. I cuddled against his cjest but suddenly he seemed hesitant.

"Bella, there's something I'd like to talk to you about. If you're not too tired."

"I'm not too tired."

He took a deep breath as my curiosity grew. "I'd like to put the wedding back a bit, love."

What? Was he serious?

I tried to sit up, instantly regretting it against the pull of my stitches.

"Careful," Edward murmured quietly and helped me get readjusted. I was sitting up next to him, looking down at his beautiful face as he lay beside me.

"Why do you want to do that? We agreed, August thirteenth, as planned. The doctor said I only need two weeks to recover. She said in four weeks I'd be ready for anything!"

Edward sighed.

"I know, Bella, but ... you might not be ready for _me._" He was looking into my eyes with such tenderness. He reached up and stroked a finger along my jaw. I didn't want to wait to marry this man. And I didn't think he wanted to wait to marry me.

"I don't understand."

He took a deep breath. "Bella, I'm sure when Dr Lewis said that in four weeks you'd be ready for anything, she wasn't factoring in sex with a vampire."

The smile started spreading across my lips. I tried to stop it, he was being serious after all, but I couldn't help it.

He shook his head. "Please be serious."

"Okay," I wiped the smile as Edward took another deep breath and gritted his teeth.

"Though I hate to mention him in relation to this, what happened with Newton's arm should show you what can happen if I lose control."

I shook my head. "That was different, Edward. You were angry, and scared. It won't be like that on our wedding night."

"Certainly not the angry part, anyway," he ran his hand through his hair as he smiled. I gave his other hand a squeeze. "Recently I _have_ been feeling a lot more optimistic, about us making love, but there's still a risk. In light of your accident, I'd just feel more relaxed waiting six weeks, rather than four."

I frowned. "Are you overthinking this, Edward?"

"Probably. But I don't want to hurt you, Bella."

"You won't hurt me." I laid down beside him again and nuzzled his jaw with my nose. He turned his face me, his fingers pulling lightly through my hair.

"Six weeks?" He breathed in my ear. Then he gave a low chuckle. "So I can be more relaxed about the _acrobatics?_" I gasped and a shiver ran through me from the top of my head to my toes.

"Alright, six weeks then. What date does that make it?"

"August twenty seventh." He kissed me softly. "Thank you, Bella."

I nodded. "But you tell Alice when I'm not around, okay?"

He laughed and pulled me to him. Carefully.

Right then, Edward wasn't the only one who hated Mike Newton.

I reached across him and rested my head against his chest. He started stroking my arm and shoulder. More of those lazy spirals he was so good at. I slipped my hand under his shirt and ran my fingers over his bare skin. He let out a soft sigh but then put his hand on mine, through the fabric, and stopped me.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing at all," he leant down and kissed my nose. "It feels very right, but you haven't even been home a full day. Give yourself a chance to heal."

"But this isn't going to hurt me. And the doctor said touches, cuddles and kisses were fine, remember." I put my lips against his ear. "She practically prescribed it, Edward."

His eyes narrowed for a moment, then he released my hand. I smiled in victory and kept on my path. His eyes closed and he sighed again.

"At least let me return the favour," he said suddenly and slipped his hand underneath my tank top, his fingers running lines up and down my spine. I shivered, then let myself melt into his touch. "But this is as far as it goes tonight, Bella," he whispered.

I was about to argue, then remembered just how far he'd come in the past few weeks. And given that I _was_ just out of hospital with stitches in my side, he was probably right.

"Okay," I said and sighed. "Are you still sure you want to wait six weeks?"

He chuckled. "I didn't think it would bother you so much, postponing the torturous wedding. Or is this just about my body?" He was smirking at me but there was an undercurrent in his words. I'd been about to make a smart comment, but stopped myself.

"No, it's not about your body, Edward. I want to marry _you. _I love you and I want to be your wife. Simple as that."

A strange expression came over his face. Was it ... joy?

"You've never said that before."

"What do you mean? I tell you every day that I love you."

"Not that. About marrying me."

"What?"

"You've never said you want to marry me."

"Yes I have."

"No," he spoke very clearly, he was raised up on one elbow now, his hair falling over his eyes as they stared into mine. "No, you haven't. You _agreed_ to marry me as a condition of our making love, you _said yes_ when I asked you. You said we should _go ahead_ with the original date as planned. But you've never said you _wanted_ to." His eyes were shining with happiness. "That was the first time." He whispered those last words.

"Oh," I hadn't realised. A feeling of warmth radiated through my whole body and I grinned. "Well, I do want to marry you. Very much."

The smile on his face was breathtaking in its beauty. And, despite his earlier reservations, he pulled me close and kissed me for a very long time. Carefully.


	11. Chapter 11: Love

I hadn't been in Edward's bedroom since the day we left for Chicago. Now, as I walked in nearly two weeks later, the difference hit me immediately. There had been a change, and it wasn't big in itself, only about six inches by four, but it's meaning spoke volumes.

The photo of Edward's parents was displayed on his shelf, framed in antique, silver filigree.

A few weeks ago the way he had felt about himself meant he could barely look at that photo. Now ... well now, things were different.

I turned to Edward and he was watching me. ཁIt looks good,ཁ I said simply, and he gave me a shy smile. I was so proud of him and how far he'd come. I couldn't stop the grin as he took my hand and led me to the bed.

I climbed into the middle and curled my legs underneath me. Edward joined me, laying down, head propped up on one hand, while the other rested protectively over my side. My stitches had been removed just half an hour earlier, replaced with four small, adhesive strips.

ཁSo how does it feel now?ཁ His fingers massaged gently.

ཁIt's fine.ཁ

The grimace said it all. He hated that word. "Alright. Not fine. I'm ... good. It actually feels much better, the stitches were starting to feel a bit tight." He smiled and nodded, appreciating my honesty. He kept rubbing his hand gently over my abdomen and I carefully wriggled down until I was laying beside him, enjoying his touch.

My week of recuperating at home was over. I still had to take things a little easy but at least now I was allowed out. Between Charlie and Edward, who were now united in their dislike of Mike Newton, I'd barely been allowed to lift a finger or move out the front door.

The improved relationship between my father and my fiancé had been an unexpected development of my injury. When Charlie had arrived at Newton's store that day he saw, in his own words, Edward holding me like I was _the most precious thing in the world,_ while Mike sat nursing his broken arm. Now, Edward was always welcome at Charlie's. I wondered if I should send Mike Newton a thank you card.

"It's so good to have you here," Edward said softly, his mouth curving up in a half smile that made my heart stutter.

"Mm, it's good to be here," I said as he stared into my eyes. His had been darkening every day since the accident. "You need to hunt," I raised my fingers and traced the purplish shadows that had formed.

His gaze dropped. "I won't go until you've completely recovered."

"Edward, I'm fi ... ," he looked up and his narrowed eyes cut me off. Don't say fine. "I'm healing really well, Edward. You don't have to suffer." I stroked the shadows again.

"I only suffer when I'm away from you."

I rolled my eyes and he chuckled. "I can wait, Bella. I'll hunt when those strips have come off and I can be sure you won't fall apart at the seams while I'm gone."

Then he distracted me with a change of subject. And his lips.

"I emailed the fund papers through to the lawyers this morning." His voice was a murmur as his mouth trailed down my neck, sucking at the skin. A small gasp escaped me.

We'd spent the previous few days working out the details for Edward's financial support of George's music school. At first I'd felt uncomfortable discussing and planning with Edward's money, but he insisted on my input. So, under the guise of our invented MidWest Community Projects Fund, Edward would provide the financial support that he'd promised George.

"Ahh. Good. Um ... when will they get the money?" My neck was arching back, giving his mouth greater access as I ran my hands through his hair, tugging slightly with each caress of his lips.

"In the next day or two." His face moved down and his nose nudged the neck of my t-shirt aside so he could kiss the skin of my shoulder.

"They should ... ah, um ... be able to do a lot with twenty ... oh ... five thousand dollars every year," I started running my hands over his back, raking my nails along the fabric of his shirt, pulling it up so I could feel his skin. He groaned.

"I've made it ... for an initial period ... of three years." He was having trouble speaking as my fingers found the dimples in the small of his back. He brought his face up to mine, eyes closed. "Terms of indefinite ... support ... would be too ... unusual." He ran his nose along my jaw as I dragged my nails along the length of his back. "I'll just renew ... aah ... the sponsorship every ... three ... years ... mmm ... for as long as the school exists." He began sucking at the skin below my ear.

"Ohh, that's, ... mmm, a good idea ... ," I started running my hands over his chest. "Have you ... told the others ... you've sent ... it?"

"Not yet ... later ... mmm."

Edward's family had known that we would climb through George's window, and tell him the truth about his parentage, before we'd even set foot on the roof that night. Alice had seen a vision as soon as Edward made his decision to do it. And, in true Cullen style, they'd supported that decision and had shown interest in the 'fund'. Rosalie and Emmett helped come up with the name, Esme designed the logo for the letterhead and Jasper offered the use of his lawyers so that Rebecca couldn't trace anything back to us.

"So what ... do you want to do ... today? Now you're ... mm, ... allowed out." Edward's lips were still working their way over my throat, but suddenly he stopped and sat up, pulling me gently into his lap. He nodded towards the door with an apologetic smile. A second later, there was a gentle tap.

"Come in," he said as the door opened and Esme and Carlisle entered.

"We don't want to interrupt, but we were just wondering how things went this morning, Bella," Carlisle smiled warmly at me. "Did Dr Lewis give you a clean bill of health?"

"Oh, yes, everything's fine, thanks." I tried to straighten my t-shirt back on my shoulder. "She said I'm almost back to normal."

"Excellent," Carlisle smiled again.

Esme reached over and put her hand on my arm. "It's good to hear. It's so nice to have you home, Bella."

My throat tightened. "Thanks, it's nice to be ... home." I looked up into Edward's smiling eyes. He winked at me, before turning back to Carlisle.

"I was just telling Bella, I've sent the final draft through to the lawyers this morning. Rebecca should get the money in the next couple of days."

Carlisle nodded. "I'm so proud of you Edward. Both of you," he moved his eyes to me. "It's a fine thing you're doing together." Esme nodded her agreement.

"Thank you," Edward said quietly, dropping his gaze. Carlisle's praise always humbled him.

"Well, it's good to see you looking so well, Bella." Carlisle smiled as they turned to go, but at the door they stopped and shared a look. Esme turned to me and spoke, her hand resting on her chest. "Bella, we want to thank you for supporting our son through everything." Her smile flickered towards Edward. "We know it hasn't been easy, but we also know that without you, he couldn't have come through this like he has."

I really didn't know what to say. I felt Edward's arms tighten around me, and his lips press against my hair. I knew my cheeks were rapidly reddening and my eyes were tearing up, fast.

"Um, thanks ... I mean ... thanks." I was blinking hard.

"And we can't wait until you're officially a member of the family," Carlisle added.

I blinked back the tears and grinned at Edward. "Neither can I," I said pointedly. "It's not too late, why don't we bring the wedding back to August thirteenth?"

He rolled his eyes. "Alice has already sent the invitations for the twenty seventh, Bella, you know that."

"We'll just ring everyone up and tell them."

"Bella ... " Edward was using his firm voice, but I could see in his expression that he was just a little smug that these days I was so eager for the wedding.

"I think we'll leave you two to discuss this alone." Carlisle smiled as he and Esme left the room.

As the door closed behind them I climbed out of Edward's lap and stood up from the bed, experimenting with a gentle stretch.

"See?" I said. "I'm fi ..., I'm good."

Edward shook his head and got off the bed immediately. "Yes, but be careful, you're not _completely _healed yet." He reached out to stop me.

"No, but I'm very close." I put my arms around his neck and he gave me a smile.

"So, back to what I was asking before. What would you like to do today?" He kissed my forehead. "You've been inside all week, do you want to go to Port Angeles, maybe see a movie? Or Seattle? It wouldn't take long to get there."

Before I could say a word, my stomach answered for me.

Edward smirked. "I think I know what we're doing next." He picked me up and carried me to his bed, sitting me in the middle of the gold coverlet. "Wait here, I'll grab you something to eat." He gave me a peck on the lips and was gone.

I laid back against the pillows and looked out the glass wall to the forest beyond. It was such a peaceful room. I knew that just beyond the line of trees was the river. Sometimes I could hear it from the yard. My eyes wandered from the view and to Edward's shelves and I looked again at his parents' photo. The smile stretched across my face. Of course they'd be proud of their son. I wondered how they would have felt about George. I decided they would have loved him too. I wished Edward could be there when George received the news about the fund. Maybe we should go for a visit, tell Rebecca we were just passing. Edward deserved to see his son once more.

My eyes drifted to the photo of Renfield, the dog, and I grinned as I remembered what Edward had told me about him. A bear ate Renfield, but Edward avenged him and ate the bear. I'd been surprised that day at his casual reference to his vampire diet. I knew bears weren't his normal fare, and I thought about what Edward had looked like, bringing down a giant grizzly and then ... well, doing whatever it was he did. And then I started to wonder. He'd told me before that he was like a lion when he hunted, I'd seen him destroy Victoria, but what did Edward do when he was just ... having dinner?

I'd learned so much about him lately, and he'd told me many things about his life, but I realised his hunting was still one area that was cloudy and vague. But it was a part of Edward, and it would be a part of me when I was changed.

He appeared suddenly with a tray holding a bowl of salad and a bread roll and I wondered if he'd tell me what I wanted to know.

Edward set the tray in front of me. "It's not fancy," he shrugged apologetically.

I smiled up at him. "It's great, Edward, thanks."

He smiled, fingers running through his hair as he moved to the shelves reserved for his music and started looking through the CDs. I began to eat, watching his back as he searched.

"Edward?"

"Yes?"

Here we go .... "I want to know what you're like when you hunt."

He stilled for a moment, his back to me, and I waited for the shock, the dismissal, the flat refusal. Slowly, he turned around to face me.

"Alright."

I dropped my fork. "Really?"

"Why not?" He shrugged. "You're still planning on being changed, aren't you?"

I nodded, yes, too surprised to speak.

"Well, then you should probably know as much as you possibly can. What would you like me to tell you?"

I couldn't believe it, but now I didn't know what to ask. He abandoned his search for music and came to sit opposite me on the bed. His face was open, his eyes were honest. There was the hint of a smile on his lips.

"Um, well ... you've told me you're like a lion when you hunt, but how do you actually do it? I saw you with Victoria, but that was different, wasn't it?"

His eyes dropped down to the coverlet. "Yes, it was," he said quietly. I reached over and put my hand on his. That memory was not a happy one for either of us. He took a deep breath and looked at me, smiling again.

"When I go out into the forest, I listen for heartbeats and wait to pick up a scent on the breeze. The scent tells me what the animal is."

He paused and I nodded for him to continue. "What's next?"

"Well, once I have the scent, the chase begins. Our kind likes the chase, it's part of the experience, it satisfies the predator - the chase, the capture ... the kill. The adrenalin sweetens the blood." His eyes studied mine carefully, guaging my reaction. I nodded. "Emmett likes to wrestle his food to the ground but I prefer to jump mine."

Then he got off the bed. He crouched on the floor, extending his arms in front of him, demonstrating. "When I'm close enough, I try to grab my prey around the neck, or the shoulders. I bring it to the ground and hold it, close to me." Still in the crouch he pulled his arms in, crossing them over his chest. "It can't struggle then." His eyes were on mine, deep and compelling. I wanted to hear more. "I'd be growling now and I'd bring up one hand, usually my left, and push its head to the side, giving me better exposure to the neck, because that's where the blood is closest to the surface." He demonstrated again, moving his left hand out from his chest and down slightly, as if he was gently pushing something away. His moves were slow and deliberate, designed not to startle, and better to showcase. My heart was starting to beat a little faster as I watched him. "I'd hold the animal tighter, closer ... ." The muscles in his forearms flexed as he bowed his head to his imagined prey. "And I'd lean in, my growl would be a snarl now and my lips would be pulled back, ready." He showed me, his gleaming teeth exposed wide. The sight made me flinch, but I wasn't afraid. A snarl began to rip from his chest and out through his lips. I gripped the coverlet in my fingers, twisting, pulling. There was something so primal about what he was doing. Then his snarling stopped and he lowered his face a little, all the while keeping his darkened eyes on me, never dropping his gaze, never breaking contact.

"And then, I bite."

His teeth snapped together as I sucked in a sharp breath. Instinctively, I pulled back.

"My teeth slice through the skin and sinew easily, like you would eat ice cream. I let my lips close over the skin as I drink. The animal is still by now and the blood flows easily past my teeth and down my throat. Much the same way as you would drink from a glass, although you tip a glass up to let gravity help you. The muscles in my neck and jaw are strong, so I can draw the blood upwards, against gravity." He pushed out his chin, extending his neck and tensing the muscles. I'd seen his neck tense before but not like this. Every muscle stood out, taught, tight, prominent, straining. A second later he relaxed, the skin becoming smooth again. My heart was pounding now and my breathing was fast. I could see that Edward's breathing had also quickened and his eyes were darker. But I wasn't afraid of him. He took a step back, moving away. There was a silence between us and I watched as his breathing gradually slowed and his eyes softened. I wondered if this had made his thirst worse, like reading a cook book when you're hungry. I realised the coverlet was still twisted in my fingers and let it go. Edward noticed and his shoulders relaxed a little, but he hadn't finished yet.

"I drink until the animal is dry, then I release it and lay it on the ground. It looks like it could be sleeping." He seemed hesitant, probably wondering about my reaction.

"Is that what it will be like for me," I whispered.

"Eventually, but not at first. Like anything, it's a skill that needs to be practiced and refined. My first months as a newborn were messy and crude. I went through a lot of shirts." He ran his fingers over the blue cotton that covered his chest. "Sharp claws won't hurt _me_, but they do make short work of clothes."

I smiled and he seemed to relax some more.

"But you'll help me, won't you?" He'd made it seem so graceful, so natural. I could just imagine the mess I'd make of it.

"Of course." His eyes became very soft and he came and sat beside me again. "I'll be there with you, every moment." He ran his hands over my hair. "Actually, I'm curious to see what flavours you'll prefer and what style you adopt."

I gave a sigh and relaxed into his side as his arms went around me. I could do anything if Edward was with me. His demonstration hadn't frightened me, although it was easy to see how it could have.

"Is there anything else you want to know?" he whispered against my hair as he held me.

"No, I think that's everything." I gave a quick laugh.

"What?"

"I'm kind of surprised. I didn't think you'd tell me."

He shrugged. "We don't hide things anymore, do we?"

"No," I smiled up at him. "We don't."

He ran the backs of his fingers over my cheek.

"I have something for you," he said softly and got up from the bed again. He walked to the desk and opened a drawer, pulling out a book. He brought it back to me and placed it carefully in my lap. It was beautiful, obviously expensive, and apparently, custom made. It had a cover of green leather, embossed with a classic Ianthe pattern and my name, **Bella**, in elegant gold letters across the centre.

"What's this?"

Edward took a deep breath. "It's a journal. I thought, perhaps, you might like to start writing down some human memories now. It'll be harder to remember once you're changed."

I bit my bottom lip as I thought of the loose, yellowed pages in Edward's special box. The pages that told the story of his human life.

I was going to say he shouldn't have spent the money on me, that pieces of paper would have done the job just fine. "It's beautiful, Edward. Thank you."

I opened the cover. On the first page was an ink sketch, botanical style, of a small plant. Spiky leaves, small woolly flowers. I ran my fingers over it. It was original, I could feel the indentations from the pen. I looked at Edward.

"You drew this?"

He nodded. "It's rosemary. It means rememberance."

I leant over and kissed him. This book said a lot, as did his willingness to tell me about hunting. He had accepted my desire to be changed. Where he used to grimace and avoid the subject, now he was accepting, even embracing it.

As if he'd read my mind, Edward spoke. "I've almost lost you too many times and I ... ." He stopped and looked straight into my eyes. "Bella, once we're married, after the honeymoon, I'll change you as soon as you want. No more negotiating, no more trying to convince you to wait - I'll do it whenever you want me to."

I smiled and reached up, resting my hand on his cheek. He smiled back. "Now finish your lunch." He put the fork back in my hand as he took the journal and placed it back on the desk.

I ate while Edward went back to choosing a CD. As I watched him I smiled again at the change in him. I decided I had a lot to thank George for.

Soft classical guitar music floated from the CD player and Edward came back to me as I finished my salad. He stretched out beside me, hands resting behind his head.

"Well, now that the human is fed, what would you like to do? Do you want to go out?"

I shook my head slowly and leant towards him.

"I'd like to continue on with what we were doing before. Maybe take our progress a bit further?" I pressed my lips against his chest, breathing a long, slow breath against the soft cotton of his shirt. The warmth of my breath would go straight to his skin. Hopefully, it would feel good.

Edward hissed and brought his hands up to rest on my arms, his fingers tightening around me. I smiled. I'd been right - it felt good.

His head tilted back and he sighed my name.

"Bella ... " Then he lifted his head, still keeping his hands on my arms. "Bella, it's only been a week, love. Your stitches have only been out for an hour."

I put my lips against his chest again. "_Touching_, kissing and cuddling are all okay, remember?" I emphasised the word 'touching' as I spoke into his shirt and followed my words with another warm breath. This time, his sigh became a moan.

"So warm." He whispered it more to himself than me as his eyes closed and he bit into his bottom lip. I watched his eyes open again, slowly.

"Please, Edward?"

There was a flicker of hesitation. Then my breath caught as he put his arms around me and laid us both down. He looked into my eyes, his own were serious as his hand slipped underneath the front of my t-shirt, slowly moving upwards over my skin.

"I've missed you," he said as his lips crashed into mine.

* * *

Edward's eyes continued to get darker, hungrier, every day. But despite the discomfort it caused him, he wouldn't leave me. Finally, after the last adhesive strip fell off and Dr Lewis told me I was "fine", he agreed to go hunting with his brothers while Alice took me shopping.

So one morning, two weeks after my accident, he'd rolled out of my bed, put his shirt back on and kissed me goodbye. It would be two days before I'd see him again.

I opened sleepy eyes. Something had woken me. The room was dark, faded moonlight was spilling onto the quilt.

"Edward?" He wasn't due back until the morning.

"I'm here, love."

I couldn't feel him beside me, but as my eyes adjusted to the dark I saw he was sitting on the end of my bed, knees up under his chin, arms wrapped around his legs, cheek resting on knees. His thinking pose.

I climbed out of the covers and went to him.

"Is something wrong?"

He ran a cool hand over my hair, and through the shadows I could see a smile cross his lips.

"No, nothing's wrong." He leant in and kissed me very softly and I climbed into his lap. He welcomed me in and wrapped his arms around me, tight, cradling me against him.

"You're back early."

"I missed you." I snuggled into him.

"So how was the hunt? Any mountain lions?"

"Just a couple, but there was plenty of deer. And a rogue bear."

"And that was okay?" I knew deer wasn't his favourite meal.

"That was okay." He smiled and kissed my nose. Even in the dim moonlight I could see his eyes were now the topaz colour I loved so much. "Emmett was especially happy about the bear."

I smiled into his chest and he stroked my back.

"I had some news today." Edward spoke softly after a moment.

"Mm?"

He took a slow breath. "George has died."

My breath caught in my throat and I sat up straight in his lap, almost banging my head against his chin.

"Oh, Edward" I'm so sorry."

I reached my arms around him and buried my head against his chest. "I'm so sorry," I said again.

Gentle fingers touched under my chin, tilting my head back. Edward looked into my face and smiled softly. "Don't be," he said. "I'm not. Not really. He was ready and more than willing to go." His hand left my chin to stroke my hair as a single tear slid along my cheek. "He _wanted_ to go." Edward smoothed it away with his thumb, the same soft smile on his lips. "He couldn't play his music anymore, he couldn't teach, and his life held no meaning without Marion."

I nodded, understanding.

A second tear followed the first. Edward wiped this one away, too. I hugged him hard. He sighed and looked at me with a smile.

"He lived a long life, and a good life. He had a family he loved, and who loved him ... his life is to be celebrated, not mourned."

I nodded.

"How did you find out?" I whispered.

He shifted a little and pulled a piece of paper from his pocket. "This was waiting for me when I got home tonight." I leant over to switch on my reading lamp. His vampire eyes could read in the dark, but mine couldn't.

I blinked, adjusting to the light, as I looked at the page. It was an email from Rebecca.

_Dear Edward,_

_I'm writing to let you know that George passed away quietly in his sleep last week. It was very peaceful and for the last days of his life he seemed happier than he had for a long time. Please know that your visit was a part of that happiness._

_By a stroke of good fortune, he was moved to a Garden View room just the day after your visit (apparently to allow for renovations to begin on the basic rooms). The move cheered him enormously, being able to look out at the garden while listening to his music._

_And you might be interested to know that the music school has been the recipient of a sponsorship from a charity group. They support worthy causes in the community and had somehow heard about our work. A generous sponsorship has been set up which will keep the school going for the next few years and maybe beyond. The first thing we plan to do is find larger premises. _

_Thankfully, we received this news two days before George died. I could see the joy in his eyes, and he even managed a laugh, which I hadn't heard for a long time. I can honestly say that, even though I'll miss him terribly, there was a peace and happiness in his passing that has given me great comfort._

_Edward, I'd like to thank you once more for your kindness to George, and the difference your visit made in his last days. Your meeting him, and giving him those pieces of information about his father, however small, meant so much._

_Please pass on my regards to Bella. I wish you both every happiness for your future and next time you're in Chicago please come and visit us at the school, we'd love to see you._

_Again, thank you,_

_Rebecca Rigby_

I passed the page back to Edward. He was right, George's life was to be celebrated. He put the paper back in his pocket as he reached over and turned out the lamp, bringing back the soft darkness.

"Can we go some time? Visit the school, I mean."

Edward seemed to hesitate for a moment. "I think I'd like that," he said quietly.

He pulled me tighter to him and we were silent for a moment, just holding each other.

"Do you wish you'd had more time with him?"

It took Edward a while to answer. I waited. "In some ways, yes. But realistically, in any other circumstances I wouldn't have been able to tell him who I was and ... " he turned his face to look into my eyes, his own were intense, "... I will always be grateful that I was able to do that." His voice was thick with emotion and I understood his meaning.

I squeezed my arms around him and he shifted, resting his chin on my head. He seemed very still for a long time while I just held him. After some time he brought his face down level with mine, and sighed as he nuzzled his nose against my jaw.

"George told me, the night we visited him, that he thought it was the right thing for me to change you." My mind went back to that night and I remembered the moment when Edward suddenly stiffened, then kissed my hand as a look of pain crossed his features. I'd known then that something had passed between him and George, but he never explained. I understood now what it was.

"He told me that when Marion died, he realised he couldn't live in a world without her in it." I gasped as he brought his eyes up to meet mine. George had echoed, almost exactly, the words that Edward had spoken to me when we returned from Italy. He couldn't live in a world where I didn't exist.

"I know that feeling." His voice cracked slightly and I rested my hand on his cheek. He took a shaky breath and brought his face down to rest against my chest, to listen to my heart. After a moment he lifted his face and I put my lips to his and he kissed me, softly at first. Then his lips became more insistent. There was an urgency in him and in his hands as they clutched me to him. It felt good, but it surprised me.

"Edward?"

"Ssh," he said softly, smiling, bringing his lips back up to mine. "I'm celebrating life."

* * *

I stumbled out of bed, catching my foot in the sheets, and opened the curtains to the unfamiliar sunshine. Forks had been receiving real summer weather for the past two days and that was why I had woken up alone. Edward had left a couple of hours earlier, before the sun came up.

I sat back down on the bed and looked out the window. It was our wedding day. Or it would have been, if Edward hadn't changed the date.

It was hard to believe everything that had happened over the past two months. There I'd been, in the face of Edward's shocking revelation, thinking the wedding would have to wait indefinitely and what happened? Just when I decided to go ahead as planned, _Edward_ decided to postpone. Just because of some stupid tent pegs.

But in some ways waiting the extra two weeks had been a good idea. In the weeks after George's death we'd travelled to Chicago again to see Rebecca and the school. Rebecca had been in the midst of trying to find newer, bigger, better premises and though she was still intrigued by Edward, she trusted him and had kindly asked his opinion on several properties. His pleasure at being involved was obvious even though it meant eating a plate of tuna casserole one evening.

In the short time that Edward knew Geoge, he had made a big difference in his life. But George had also made a big difference in Edward's. I could see that clearly.

I sighed and got up from the bed. The house was quiet and still. Charlie was gone for the weekend - an overnight fishing trip at some new spot he and Joe had discovered. I made a mental note to clear space in the freezer.

I ate breakfast and went back upstairs to dress and wait for Edward. He had planned a day for just the two of us and had insisted on coming back to pick me up, despite the sunshine. I wasn't sure where we were going or what to wear, but in the end I decided to dress for the weather, and for Edward. That meant the flowery peasant skirt and the strappy blue top that Renee had bought me and had never seen the light of day - in Forks or Phoenix. The outfit wasn't really my style, but I thought Edward might like it. And if I was honest, it didn't look too bad.

I almost ran to answer Edward's knock at the door. He stepped inside quickly, pulling the hood of his jacket off as he leant down for a kiss.

"You look beautiful," he said as his eyes travelled over me. I'd been right, he did like it. His hands went to my hips and pulled me to him. He leant in for another kiss, this one a little deeper and slower than the last. I'd been enjoying this new step lately - Edward's deep kisses were heart stopping.

"We'll never get where we're going if you keep this up." I'd pulled away, breathless, heart hammering and he chuckled.

"True. Are you ready?"

"Almost, just need to grab my shoes."

He followed me back upstairs and I searched under my bed for some sandals. I found _one_.

"What's in the bag?" Edward was looking at the pink and black striped carrier that I'd dragged out while I rummaged.

"Alice bought it when we went shopping. It's underwear," I groaned.

"Underwear?" I could hear the amusement in his voice. I pulled my head out from under the bed and looked up at him.

"For the wedding. Wedding underwear. Apparently it's different to normal underwear." I pulled a face as I thought of the lacy horror that lay hidden inside the layers of pink tissue paper.

Edward chuckled. "I'm looking forward to seeing it."

I waved my hand towards the bag. "It's in there. You can look if you like."

"I think I'll wait. It'll look better on you than in a bag." And suddenly a little thrill of pleasure went through me. Maybe wearing it wouldn't be so bad after all. Edward smiled and raised a single perfect eyebrow. I bit my bottom lip and plunged back under the bed with my blush as he chuckled again.

"I don't suppose she's making _you_ buy wedding underwear." I could hear the pout in my voice. On the day all Edward would have to do was wear a suit. I, on the other hand, was going to be primped and preened beyond endurance. I pushed an old backpack out of the way, still searching for the lost shoe.

"No point, I don't wear any. Is this what you're looking for?"

"Ow"" I banged my head on the underside of the bed. What did he just say?

"Bella?" He came and crouched down beside me. "Are you okay?"

He helped me out from under the bed. I stood up, rubbing the bump that was already forming on my skull.

"Um, yeah, fine. Thanks." I took the sandal that he'd retrieved from under the desk and he ran his fingers over my head.

"Um, did you say you don't ... er, ... ever?" Don't look down, don't look down.

"Not usually, no. I do have some, if I really need it, like for gym classes. But mostly I don't."

Okay, this was new. I'd just assumed everyone wore underwear. I bent down to shove my feet into the sandals, but I overbalanced, falling against the desk. Edward grabbed me, but my CD collection scattered and crashed to the floor.

"Why?" I tried to sound casual as I righted myself and went to sit on the bed - a safer option for putting on shoes.

He shrugged and bent to pick up the CDs. "None of the reasons for wearing underwear apply to me. I don't need it to keep me warm, my skin doesn't chafe and I don't sweat." He stood up and stacked the CDs into a neat pile. "It's not like anyone would know and I understand it's not entirely uncommon among human men, anyway. And it's not likely that I'll be hit by a bus and need to go to hospital." He chuckled as he turned back to me. I could feel the heat rising through me and I was forcing myself to look at his eyes. They were dark and his lids were heavy. I swallowed as he took a step closer and his voice dropped an octave as he spoke.

"Does it bother you, Bella?"

"Um, no." Don't look down. Don't look down. "So, under your clothes you, ... um, ... "

He bent and whispered in my ear.

"Go commando? Yes. Always." His lips brushed over my skin and he chuckled at the hot shiver that went through me.

"Are you ready to go?" He held out his hand to me.

I nodded dumbly. Not for the first time, but perhaps more than ever, I was glad Edward couldn't read my mind. It was going to be a long two weeks.

We ran through the forest, the picnic bag strapped to my back as I clung to Edward's.

I'd never seen the meadow so beautiful. The sun shone all around and the wildflowers were fragrant on the gentle breeze. I could hear birds singing in the distance, far enough away that Edward's presence didn't trouble them. I was so glad he'd brought me here.

"This looks like a good place." Edward put me down and took the bag from my back. The grass was thick and soft around us and I sank onto the ground while he unpacked lunch. I watched him, mesmerised by his beauty. He'd removed his jacket and was wearing a t-shirt. He was sparkling, like diamonds, in the sun. Of course, I'd seen him like this before, but every time was like the first time.

The picnic blanket was almost as thick as a quilt, it looked far too good to go on the ground but Edward didn't seem bothered as he spread it on the grass. The breeze was soft but would flip and curl its corners, so we searched for rocks to weigh them down. Then Edward unpacked the food. Rolls, cheeses, ham, strawberries, blueberries, chocolates.

"I thought of sending to _Le Café_ for hot chocolate, but I thought it might lose something in transit."

I laughed. "You _do_ want me to dance again, don't you."

"Absolutely, I'm counting on it." He spoke without hesitation. "I hope everything is okay," he looked down at the food spread out on the rug. "I wasn't sure ... ," I reached out and put my hand on his.

"It's great, Edward." He smiled at me, shyly. "Is there something to drink?"

He reached into the bag and brought out a can of coke. "It's not exactly champagne, but will this do?" I smiled and nodded.

"So, what's this all about?"

Edward laid down on the rug. "You wanted a day in the meadow, just the two of us. This is it."

I smiled at him.

"And, this is a special day."

I tilted my head to the side. "Wedding day?"

"Yes. It was the date we originally chose - I still wanted it to be special. Worth remembering."

He pulled me down to him. I lay in his arms, just listening to the birds and the sound of our breathing. The sun had warmed Edward's skin and I rubbed my cheek against his, enjoying the unfamiliar heat.

"Will you tell me what you're thinking?" he asked as I moved my head to lay it on his shoulder. Edward's hand was resting on my stomach, making small, slow movements.

"I was thinking that this is my favourite place in the world."

"Mine too," I could hear the smile in his voice.

"And also, that maybe we could drive to Vegas and still get married today, what do you think?"

He chuckled. "It's very tempting." Then he became quiet. "I think I did overreact, after the accident. We could have had the wedding today."

I let my hand reach up and my fingers traced over his neck, moving up into his hair. He closed his eyes and sighed as my nails raked over his scalp.

"Mm, yes, but it wasn't the wedding you were worried about it, was it?" I whispered.

He bent down and kissed me, his tongue moving lightly over my lips. I frowned when he pulled away.

"No. It was what comes after - the part where I make good on our agreement."

"The acrobatics," I giggled.

"The acrobatics."

He moved his hand down past my hip and let it rest over the place where my scar was. Surprisingly he hooked a single finger under the band of my skirt and pulled it down, just a little, exposing the part of the smooth, pink line of my scar. "And this wouldn't have been a concern after all." He ran a finger along the skin and my breathing hitched. "It's almost like it never happened." He pulled my skirt back in place but kept his hand on me.

"Definitely an overreaction." He smiled. "And now we're both suffering. I'm sorry."

He brought his face up to mine and kissed me again. Longer this time, deeper. The hand below my hip was gently massaging. He lifted his face from mine and moved his hand, placing it on my chest, feeling the crazy beat underneath my skin. He smiled and bent to kiss me again, while slowly moving his hand so now it rested lightly over my breast. He didn't ask permission anymore, but his gentle movements, designed to let me know his intent, giving me opportunity to say no, only served to fill me with a delicious anticipation. He was always welcome.

My body arched into his touch and he increased the pressure of his fingers and palm. My fingers moved around to his back, my nails lightly scratching at his shirt. He shuddered slightly and moaned softly against my neck where his tongue was moving on my skin. His hand moved from my breast and travelled down, over my stomach to the hem of my top. He gave it a little tug and I opened my eyes to see the question in his - he still asked permission to go underneath my clothes. Or to remove them.

I smiled, and with one swift motion the top was gone, lying on the grass. A second later it was joined by his. His eyes were blazing as he watched his hand close tenderly over my breast, his fingers caress the sensitive skin. My heart was beating so hard I knew he could feel it pulsing under his hand. He closed his eyes and let out a deep sigh, dropping his forehead against mine.

"I love you," he whispered.

"Me too," I whispered back. "Only two more weeks," I added with a sigh, arching into his hand.

He kissed me softly then dropped his head lower, to my chest. I gasped. For the very first time, his lips brushed over the tops of my breasts, just where their swell began to rise from the flat of my chest.

"Just two more weeks," he echoed.

Slowly, his mouth began to move lower, gently kissing the skin, sucking it lightly into his mouth. This was completely new territory and my fingers were starting to twist in the rug. My eyes widened and I held my breath, my heart was going to break a rib in a second. But at the last minute, before his lips fell on the part that wanted him most, he stopped. He froze, face just centimeters above my breast, lips slightly parted. His eyes were unfocussed - he was clearly deep in thought. Probably about whether he should do what he was about to do. I almost groaned with frustration, but I bit my tongue.

"Edward?" Please don't stop.

His face turned and he looked at me. I tried to understand his expression, he seemed confused, almost like he didn't know who I was.

"Edward?" I untangled one hand from the rug and stroked his face.

"It shouldn't be because of an agreement," he said softly, almost to himself.

Now I was confused. "What are you saying?"

"It shouldn't be because of an agreement."

I really wasn't following his train of thought and he could tell. He adjusted himself so he was lying beside me, facing me. His hand was resting on my ribs, his thumb softly stroking the side of my breast. He had a half smile on his face as he looked into my eyes.

"You wanted me to make love to you while you were still human. I agreed only if you married me first."

I nodded.

"Our marriage, our making love was an agreement, a deal." The smile started to fade from his face and his fingers stilled. "An arrangement." And suddenly I realised. An arrangement.

"No, Edward. It's not like that." I wasn't going to let him think of it that way. He brought up a finger and placed it gently over my lips. I shook my head slowly, kissing his finger. He smiled as he moved it away.

"I love you, more than you will ever know, or could ever imagine. I am committed to you, Bella. And, by some miracle, you feel the same way about me."

I nodded. "I do," I whispered.

"And, you've told me now that you_ want_ to marry me." The brilliant smile was back.

"Yes, I do."

"And Bella, I _want_ to make love to you. I always have, almost from the first moment I saw you."

"I know. I know you do."

"And I don't want the fulfilment of my love to be because I'm making good on an agreement."

"I know, Edward. It won't be."

"I've wanted you for a very, very long time, Bella. For a lot of that time, I didn't think I'd ever be able to be with you that way. Then I saw it as a possibility but I hinged everything on a deal." He paused. "Love shouldn't be about deals, or arrangements."

He closed his eyes and rested his head against mine. I still wasn't sure where this was going. There was a tight knot in my stomach that was churning over and over and over.

He opened his eyes and looked into mine and my heart stuttered - the emotion there was overwhelming. "And here we are, alone, deeply in love, committed to each other, wanting each other, on what would have been our wedding day ... ,"

His eyes were darkening. I realised I'd stopped breathing and quickly took a breath.

"I don't want to stop this time, Bella."

His eyes bore into mine and it was as though flames were licking at my skin.

"Then don't."


	12. Chapter 12: Together

There. Were. No. Words.

Silence and stillness.

Completeness.

Edward's glorious, naked body was curled around mine, loving, protecting, worshiping. My body fitted so well with his, matching his curves perfectly. I smiled and he felt my lips move against his chest. He pulled his face back a little and looked into my eyes. The love, and the wonder, the joy, that I saw there made my heart soar. But I knew he'd see the same in my own. His face melted into the most breathtakingly beautiful smile I'd ever seen. He reached between us and brought my hand to his lips, kissing it tenderly. I sighed as he reached for the edge of the blanket, pulled it around us and cradled me to him again.

Still in my blissful haze, my mind revisited what had just passed between us.

_"__I don't want to stop this time, Bella.__"_

_"__Then don't.__"_

_He had kissed me deeply and his hands had started to move over my body. He had removed the rest of my clothes in a torturously slow manner, my heart pumping out a lifetime of beats as the fabric of my skirt and undies slid off my body under the gentle direction of his hands. I'd reached for his jeans but my actions weren't smooth or graceful. The small movement he made to help me slide them past his hips almost brought me undone._

_And then it was just Edward and me - with nothing between us anymore. I'd realised then, with an overwhelming certainty, that this was right. We were right. We were meant to be together._

_He had placed feather kisses over my breasts, my stomach, my thighs. He'd seemed shy, nervous, but not afraid. His tongue swirled over new skin and his gentle fingers began a journey of discovery that made me whimper and arch and moan. And the sight of him lying naked beside me had stopped my heart and my breath. I'd shaken my head, this stunning creature couldn't be meant for me. He was beautiful. I'd trailed my fingers down his body, across his chest, over his stomach to his navel and beyond, feeling the hitches and tremors of pleasure that ran under his skin and accompanied his groans. He'd watched me explore him through eyes with heavy lids, disbelieving, amazed, enraptured. Aroused._

_"__Mine,__" __I'd breathed in his ear as I touched him with an overwhelming desire to claim him. And he'd growled, deep and raw, throwing back his head as his hands left me to fist in the rug, shredding and tearing. _

_Then I'd placed one shaking hand over his heart. My own was throbbing, A moment passed. He calmed and came back to me. I'd looked deep into his eyes, into the soul he claimed he didn'_t have.

_"__Together,__" __I'_d said softly, and Edward had nodded, reaching his arms around me and pulling me to him.

Then the world around me stopped. There was no sun, no birdsong, no breeze, no flowers. There was only Edward, and he had filled every sense. His scent overwhelmed me. I could taste him on my lips. My eyes saw only his, dark with his desire, deep with love, and wonder. The sound of his breathing, fast, in perfect time with my own.

And his touch, his naked skin on mine, like satin on silk. He was everywhere, he was everything. The sensations he created with words, fingers, lips and tongue were slow and sweet, intense, pure, thrilling. He was around me, over me and then, as his eyes held mine ... within me.

My hands clutched at him, pulling him closer, deeper. His arms embraced me, holding me tighter with our every move. His name was a murmur, falling from my lips, becoming softer, a whisper, a breath, as he took me to a place I never knew existed. A place only he could take me. I cried and shuddered as his love rolled through me and I lost myself in him. And his body, finally declaring his love, over and over. His feelings, his soul, laid bare. From his lips my name was a sigh, becoming a moan, a cry, and then, with release, a roar, echoing through the meadow as he trembled and fell to pieces in my arms.

I smiled again. I would revisit that memory every day for the rest of eternity.

Later, perhaps hours, maybe minutes, Edward traced my shoulder with his nose.

"Bella?" His voice was low and soft. Velvet. A shiver rippled through me.

"Mm? You're not going to make me move, are you?"

He chuckled. "No, you're not going anywhere." He pulled me closer, if that was possible. "I was just wondering ... ," he paused, sounding shy and his voice trailed off.

"You're not going to ask if I'm alright, are you?"

He shrugged a little and I lifted my face. His eyes were still shining with happiness but they were searching. I unwound my hands from where they were clasped between our chests, and reached up to cup his face.

"I'm perfect."

His smile was soft. "I noticed."

I blushed and dropped my eyes. "Edward, you told me in Chicago that when we made love it would be beautiful." I raised my eyes again to look at him.

"It was more than beautiful. It was better than perfect." I shook my head, not knowing how to convey how I felt but wanting to reassure him. "It was everything."

A smile of incredible tenderness crossed his face and he bent his head to kiss me, so softly, on my lips. Then he grinned and ducked his head, nuzzling my neck.

"What about you?" I asked, suddenly uncertain. He seemed happy, _very _happy, but he was a vampire - would things have been different for him? Maybe his happiness just came from mine.

"You're not asking me if _I'm_ alright, are you?" I could hear the smile in his voice, muffled against my skin.

I shrugged. "I just wondered if ... ," my turn to trail off, shy and unfinished.

He raised his head, a look of euphoria on his face.

"I ... I can't tell you. It is beyond anything I can describe." I grinned back at him. "It's beyond anything I ever imagined." He smiled softly. "And I've imagined it a lot." The smile was wide but he became shy again at his admission. "You're right ... it was more than beautiful. It was everything," he whispered, stroking my face with gentle fingers.

I leaned in to kiss him.

The kiss was long and slow and deep. As our lips moved, Edward's hands began to roam over me again, caressing, touching. Learning. My hands returned the favour and soon we were lost in each other once more.

"You never ate lunch." Edward's whisper broke through my blissful haze. "Are you hungry?"

I thought about that for a moment. Was I still interested in such mundane things as food? Not really, but my stomach _was_ feeling a little empty.

"I don't know. Maybe." I was curled up in Edward again, nestled tightly against him. He placed a soft kiss on my forehead as he gently unwound himself from me. I frowned and he chuckled, reaching out to run his fingers through my hair.

"What?" he asked.

"Lunch just doesn't hold any interest for me now. I'd rather be back in your arms and ... ," I ran my fingers down his chest as I took my bottom lip between my teeth. He hissed but reached up to still my hand.

"I know what you mean," his gaze was warm. "But you still need to eat." His eyes narrowed, thinking, and then he smiled.

"Close your eyes."

"Why?"

"Just close your eyes." He was grinning now, excited. I gave a laugh and did as he asked.

"Okay, now what?"

"Just one moment." I heard movement beside me, then Edward's voice again. "Lift your head." I did and almost immediately Edward's hand on my shoulder gently pushed me back down. Ah, a pillow. From the feel of it he'd taken our clothes and rolled them up to make somewhere for my head to rest.

"Can I open my eyes now?"

"Not yet, no."

"What are you doing?"

"Hopefully, I'm going to make lunch more interesting."

I frowned. What did he ... oh" There was something pressing on my bottom lip. Just softly touching, pulling it down slightly. I reached out my tongue to touch it, hesitantly. A strawberry. I smiled and as I did Edward slipped the fruit a little further across my lips. I took it between my teeth and bit. It was delicious. I chewed and swallowed. Another second later, I felt something else against my lips. Chocolate. Mm. That went down quicker than the strawberry. I waited, anticipating the next morsel that Edward would touch softly against my mouth. But he surprised me.

With my eyes still closed, I gasped when I felt a strawberry run slowly over my stomach, up between my breasts, along my throat and onto my lips.

He continued this way until all the fruit and chocolates were gone. I never knew what was coming next, a strawberry, some chocolate, a blueberry, or where the food would begin its journey to my mouth - thighs, stomach, breasts, arms, wrists, knees. Sometimes he'd kiss me in between mouthfuls. Sometimes it was his hands that stroked my body. It was the best lunch I'd ever had.

"There are still the rolls and the cheese," Edward was frowning when I opened my eyes. "I'm wondering how I can make them more interesting. I don't think it would be the same, rubbing a bread roll over your chest." A corner of his mouth curled up in a smile.

"Crumbs." I smiled and stretched. I didn't feel shy or embarrassed and that surprised me. After all, I was lying naked, outside in the open, while an equally naked Edward teased my body with fruit and chocolate before he'd feed it to me. The smile became a grin as Edward's eyes took in my stretch. He swallowed hard and I took pity on him.

"I can probably manage to eat a ham and cheese roll without the tease," I sat up, smiling. Edward pulled his eyes away from my body and shook himself slightly as he reached for the rolls.

The clouds came over, the breeze became stronger and unfortunately, Edward's sun-warmed body began to cool. We were lying in each others arms again but at the first goosebumps rising on my skin, he sat up.

"I think it's time," he said softly. I sighed. I didn't want the day to end, but I knew he was right. The sun was sinking lower in the sky.

I reached over to my clothes and tried to dress while Edward attempted to kiss every piece of bare skin he could find before it was covered up. Finally, he sat back and watched me with a lazy smile.

"What?" I asked.

"That's almost as sexy as watching them come off."

I blushed and he chuckled as he leaned across me to grab his discarded clothes. And he was right. For some reason watching Edward pull his clothes back on made my heart skip. Probably because now I knew what was underneath. And it wasn't underwear. I allowed myself a very satisfied smile.

Clothes on, we began to gather up the picnic. I held up the rug, realising for the first time the extent of the damage along one side. It was ripped and shredded, far more than I'd seen him do when I'd told him he was mine. I let the tatters play through my fingers, aware of Edward watching me. I looked up and he seemed nervous, pulling his hand through his hair and I understood.

I dropped the rug and went to him, wrapping my arms around his waist and burying my head in his chest.

"I knew you'd find a way," I said softly and I heard him let out a long breath as his hands ran over my back. "But how did I not notice?"

I looked up at him, into happy eyes.

"You were busy at the time," he said quietly and his smile made me blush from my scalp to my toes. He chuckled then hugged me tighter.

"We'll have to buy a new one," I said. " Maybe a few?" I raised my eyebrows at him and he laughed again.

We finished packing up. Edward zipped the picnic bag closed, but then dropped it back onto the ground.

"Before we go ... , he said, walking a short distance away from me to a patch of purple wildflowers. He crouched down and I wondered what he was doing. Then I realised. In a smooth, fluid movement he rose out of his crouch and came back to me. Crooked smile, topaz eyes, he held out the flowers to me.

"I love you, Bella," he said simply.

I had to swallow twice and I still couldn't speak as I took the flowers with a shaking hand. But Edward understood, I could see it in his smile as he pulled me into a hug.

The Volvo was winding along the roads. Edward was holding my hand, smiling at me more than he was watching where he was going. We were heading back to his place where I was going to stay the night while Charlie was away. Part of me didn't want to go. Normally I loved being with Edward's family, but tonight, it was different. What we'd experienced in the meadow was too new, too personal. I didn't feel like being in a house full of vampires who would probably be able to work out what had happened. I shuddered at the thought of Emmett's reaction.

Edward lifted my hand to his lips and kissed it. "Bella?"

"Mm,"

"Would you mind very much if we stayed at your place, tonight?" He took a deep breath. "I'm not ready for the outside world, or my family, to crash in on us just yet. I want to savour this afternoon a bit longer." He smiled. "For as long as I can." He kissed my hand again and his eyes made my insides quiver. "Would that be alright?"

I grinned. "Sounds perfect."

My room felt different, now. I felt different now. I wasn't the same Bella who'd left there that morning. I was smiling as I pressed the wildflowers flat in the pages of my journal. They were going to be preserved for eternity, I'd make sure of that.

Edward was behind me, his hands resting gently on my hips. I turned and smiled up at him. He bent his head and let his lips ghost across mine. The tenderness of the kiss gave me shivers. Then he reached up and pulled a leaf from my hair.

"Oh"" I laughed. "Think I'll just grab a quick shower." I ran my hand through my hair, dislodging some pieces of grass. I looked at Edward's tousled hair which seemed free of vegetation.

"How come you didn't get any of this?"

He smirked at me. "I don't know, but it makes me wonder what you'll look like after your first hunt."

I was surprised at his comment and he laughed at my expression. Then he held up one finger, indicating for me to wait. He kissed my forehead and left the room. A moment later I heard the bath running. I smiled to myself as I sat on the bed and kicked off my shoes. A bath. That would be new - I'd only used the shower since I'd lived here. A short time later the water shut off and Edward returned.

"I thought you might like to have a soak." That shy, crooked smile of his made my heart stutter.

"That sounds great." Edward took my hand and led me to the bathroom.

The bath was steaming and full of bubbles"

"You don't seem to have any bubble bath, but I thought your shower gel might work. It seems to have had the desired effect." He shifted a little awkwardly. "There are bubbles, anyway."

"It's perfect," I whispered, and slipped my hand in his, squeezing his fingers. A corner of his mouth turned up in a smile. "Will you join me?" The words slipped out without thought and I was surprised at my own boldness. The blush covered my cheeks as I wondered what Edward would say.

"Um, I'd like to, very much," he sounded hesitant. "But, I think ... not in your father's house."

I was about to protest, but then I thought about it. Charlie's new improved relationship with Edward was one thing, but that hospitality probably didn't extend to Edward sharing a bath with his daughter. And Edward had come a long way, but there were also some things about him that were just ... him. I realised that _not in your father's house_ would also probably apply to sex.

He looked at me, wondering. "Will that be alright? We could go to my place if you want." He ran a singled finger the length of my back. I bit my lip, undecided for a moment.

No, it was more important for us to have this alone time to _just be together_, to appreciate what had happened between us.

I shook my head and smiled. "We'll stay here. Just us."

The warm water felt good. Very good. As I soaked I began to realise my muscles were feeling a bit sore, like I'd run a long way or carried something heavy. It wasn't a bad feeling, it was just there. I stretched under the water, letting them loosen up a bit. I understood why I felt that way, and it made me smile.

I pulled out the plug and stepped out of the bath. The t-shirt and sweat pants I'd brought in with me were sitting on the bench. I looked at them and suddenly I didn't feel like wearing them. Instead, I reached for the white waffle robe that I always let hang behind the bathroom door. It was another thing Renee had bought me, just before I left Phoenix, and again, I'd hardly ever used it. But I remembered how Edward had liked the hotel robe I wore in Chicago.

I pulled the robe on, wearing just my undies beneath it.

"Come here," he said when I walked back into the bedroom. He sat up, resting his back against the bedhead and opened his legs for me to sit in between. His eyes travelled over me and he smiled.

"I've not seen you wear that before." I nestled myself between his knees.

"I don't wear it much."

"It looks ... good." His voice sounded a little strained.

He reached over to my dressing table and grabbed a brush. Carefully, he pulled the bristles through my wet hair, gentle strokes, untangling the strands with his fingers as he went. My eyes fluttered closed and gradually I felt myself leaning further and further back until finally I was resting against him. Edward put down the brush and wrapped his arms around me. His lips pressed against my hair. We didn't speak. We didn't need to. We laid on my bed and watched the sky get darker through my window.

My stomach put an end to that perfect moment. Edward put some music on in the living room while I finished up the leftovers from the fridge. Soft music floated around us as I sat on the sofa, between Edward's legs again, and his hands massaged my shoulders, rolling and kneading the muscles. I'd let the robe slip down a little so he could get his hands on my bare skin. I giggled.

"Mm, what?" His voice was soft and amused.

"I was just thinking ... you wanted today to be special ... ." No need to say anything else.

"Yes, I did."

I felt my blush as it covered my cheeks. "This is going to take up lots of pages in my journal."

"The day I stole your virtue?"

I rolled my eyes. "There's more to virtue than just virginity, Edward. Don't tell me you don't know that. And you stole nothing. I gave it to you." Silver platter, anyone?

There was silence as his hands kept moving over my shoulders, sliding slowly down my back bringing the robe with them.

"Do you wish we'd waited?" he asked suddenly, leaning forward and resting his chin on my shoulder.

I wondered where the question had come from, but answered honestly.

"No." I smiled at him, turning around between his legs. "Today was right."

He pulled me against his chest and I felt his lips in my hair. "Yes, it was."

Edward stroked my back as I lay against him, the robe falling lower. His fingers were playing along my skin, long, soft caresses, gradually moving lower, down, over my hips. I sighed.

"Mm, tell me?" His voice was curious. So were his hands.

"I was just thinking about that place, you know, just below your bellybutton. The one that made you ... "

"Yes, I know the one you mean," he said hurriedly. He took a deep breath and adjusted himself.

"I didn't know you were so sensitive there."

"Neither did I." I could hear the smile in his voice. "It's not as if anyone has ever touched me there before."

I gave a half laugh, half yawn, and nestled myself closer to him, grinning, enjoying his hands moving over me. But now he seemed very quiet and his hands stilled.

"Bella?" Edward's voice was a whisper. "I want ... ,"

I waited but he didn't continue.

"What do you want, Edward?" I smiled at the scenarios that played through my head. He paused, it seemed like he'd stopped breathing. I looked up. The expression in his face surprised me. I could see his love for me, that was clear, but there was something else, a shyness, an uncertainty I wasn't expecting. I rested my hand on his cheek.

"Tell me," I said softly. At last he took a deep breath.

"I want you to know ... Bella, no-one has ever touched me like you did today. I've never shared myself _like that. _I'd never experienced _that _release before. _Ever._" His crooked smile appeared, but it was a little shaky.

Suddenly I realised what he was getting at, and though I knew already, I could see how important it was for him to say it.

"This was my first time."

I leant up and kissed him with as much tenderness as I could, my lips tracing softly over his. Then I pulled back and looked into his eyes.

"I know. I was there."

He smiled and kissed me.

Slowly I reached my hand down his stomach towards the top of his jeans. Towards that place below his bellybutton. As soon as he realised what I was doing, he stopped me, with a grin.

"What are you doing, Bella?"

"I thought you'd like me to touch you there again. You liked it this afternoon." I smiled as I tried to wriggle my fingers out of his grasp. I wasn't very successful. "In fact, Edward, I think you actually _whimpered_, when I touched you there." I raised what I hoped was a seductive eyebrow.

He sucked in a breath.

"Mm, perhaps I did." He released his grip a little and I managed to make a little progress downwards. My fingers curled through the soft dusting of hair and then, as I reached below his bellybutton, I made a soft, clawing motion, my nails gliding over his skin. He let his head drop back and there it was ... that little whimper I'd heard that afternoon. It made my insides melt. After a moment he reached down and gently stilled my hand.

"But I don't want you to be left out, Bella." He brought his head forward again, his voice was low and husky and I wondered what he had planned. His other hand began to move slowly across my stomach and down the side of my thigh. His fingers just grazing the skin, barely touching. Goosebumps erupted in their wake and not because of the cold. "I seem to remember that when I touched you ... here ... ," I leant my head back against his shoulder as I gasped. My eyes fluttered closed. His fingers were tracing circles behind my knee. "_You_ dissolved in whimpers."

"Oh, mm, ... " His fingers kept going, moving over the back of my knee in ever increasing circles as I did, indeed, whimper.

"And, you seemed to like it very much when I touched you ... here."

My whimper became a moan as his fingers moved and began to stroke up and down, lightly, along the inside of my thigh.

"Ooh, yes."

His nose was nuzzling in my hair now as he brought his hand up so he could wrap his arms around me.

"So much to discover, Bella," he whispered in my ear. "And an eternity to do it."

Somehow, our bodies seemed to be able to get closer to each other now. My legs curled over his, his arms around me, my head nestled against his neck. Intimate, gentle touches and kisses. When I started to yawn, exhausted, Edward picked me up and carried me to my bed, holding me so close I was almost part of him. I took off the robe, dropped it on the floor and climbed under the covers, still wearing just my undies. Edward took off his shirt and climbed in behind me, pulling my back against his chest, bringing his knees up to make a lap for me to sit in.

"Are you going to keep your jeans on?"

"Yes."

"Why?" I twisted my head around to look at him.

"I always keep my pants on when I'm in your bed."

"Yeees, but things are a bit different now, aren't they?" I raised my eyebrows.

"Yeees, but as you discovered this morning, I don't wear underwear." His fingers reached down and lightly flicked the elastic of mine. "And if I take my pants off and lie here, naked, with you, like this, I might not be able to honour my decision not to have sex in Charlie's house." He was smiling wickedly, his eyes shining. My heart stuttered. "The jeans stay on Bella." Mmm, firm voice. Mmm.

He pulled me a little closer against him and I nestled into his lap. His hands had been on my ribs and now they moved slowly, one up to stroke the side of my breast, one down to rest over my stomach. I sighed and leant my head back against his shoulder. A moment later, his arms came to rest around my waist, locking me against him.

"Sleep now, Bella," he placed a kiss on my shoulder.

"Mmm, g'night." I murmured, drifting away.

"Goodnight, love."

Dawn came and so did the weather. Rain fell heavily, running rivers down the window. In the distance, thunder was rumbling faintly. I felt myself surfacing from sleep. Edward was still curled around me, just as he had been when I fell asleep, although now he was above the covers. He kissed me awake and I stretched as his lips left mine and trailed down my throat and across to my shoulder."Mmm, " I arched into him. "I want to wake up this way every morning," I murmured, feeling that wonderfully unsettling heat rising as his tongue played over me.

"Do you think this is a good idea?"

Edward's eyes darkened and narrowed.

"This is always a good idea," he growled, pulling me to him so that my breasts were pressed against his chest. "But I'm just thinking of it as the prelude." He took my hand and stretched out my arm. Starting at my wrist, he began trailing kisses along my arm. Between kisses he'd swirl his tongue over my skin.

The perfect moment was ruined when his phone rang. Edward paused, mid kiss, and raised his eyes to mine. I gave him a half smile and shrugged. He sighed and his eyes closed as he let go of my arm, reached over to grab his phone off the dressing table and flipped it open.

"Emmett?" His eyes moved from me to the window as thunder crashed outside. "I'm not surprised ... no, I don't think we will ... have fun." He ended the call and put the phone back on the dressing table. He looked at me and I gasped. His eyes were dark and ... wicked?

"We're invited to play baseball. I said no, I hope that's okay."

I nodded.

"And of course, that means my house is deserted for a good few hours."

I knew what he was thinking. He wouldn't have issues about us being together at the Cullen house. I felt the grin growing across my face.

"Lets go."

Edward carried me up the stairs of his house, taking the steps three at a time. His door was already open, but he kicked it closed once we were inside, and laid me on his bed. The rain was teeming down the glass wall - we were behind a waterfall. The thunder was still rumbling and rolling.

Edward was beside me, kissing me, fingers running through my hair.

"I love you," he murmured between kisses.

"I love you, too. Take this off." I pulled at his shirt and he obliged. I kissed and sucked and nibbled my way over his chest and he laid on his back moaning and sighing, running his fingers through my hair. Then he sat up. With his teeth he slowly began to pull down the shoulder of my shirt and swirled his tongue over the skin of my collarbone, each caress dropping a little further toward my breasts. Then his hands drifted down to the hem.

"Your turn?" Mm, his husky voice. I felt my insides quiver. I sat up and pulled it off, my chest heaving. Edward's hand reached out and he slipped two long fingers inside the waistband of my jeans, moving slowly from one hip to the other, then came to rest on the zipper. His eyes were on me and he raised a single eyebrow in query. I smiled back. It was going to be a good morning.

Edward's fingers danced over the piano keys, playing out a melody that was happy and light. Joyous. I sat beside him, eyes closed, letting the music flow over me. We'd spent a blissful morning in his bedroom.

"Are you making this up as you go along?" I asked.

"Yes."

"It's very good."

"Thank you."

"How do you do it?"

I sensed a shrug. "I just play what I feel. I play what's in my ... ,"

He stopped, both talking and playing. I opened my eyes.

"Edward?"

His hands were still on the keys, they began to move again, slowly. A smile was forming on his lips as he turned to me.

"I play what's in my ... heart and soul." He swallowed. I grinned at him and rested my head on his shoulder.

"Told you so," I murmured, grinning. I felt his lips brush against my hair and he sighed my name. He began to play again, but every so often he'd shake his head and smile to himself.

The music filled the room and I closed my eyes again, letting its cadences flow and swirl around me. Suddenly, the tempo stopped and Edward began playing the theme from Jaws. My eyes flew open.

"My family approaches," he smirked. "Alice is very excited to see you."

"Oh." A sudden thought hit me. "Edward, will Alice have seen ... anything?"

He sucked in a breath. "If she saw anything she would shut it out. She wouldn't invade our privacy."

"But she'll know?"

He sighed. "Perhaps."

The door opened and Jasper came in with Alice following.

"Hello, Bella," he said and smiled.

"Hi Jasper," I still felt a bit shy with him. He went and sat down at the computer.

"You two missed a good game," he said, smiling. I wondered if he was picking up on our emotions.

"Next time," Edward smiled back.

Alice came and leant against the piano, looking at me through narrowed eyes but with a small smile. I felt myself blush. She knew. She'd probably seen a vision of us together. I groaned internally and dropped my eyes to my hands twisting in my lap. Edward's hand reached out and covered mine.

"It's rude to stare, Alice," he said quietly.

"Sorry," Alice's voice was light. I looked up and her expression had changed - her eyes were bright now. Excited? I looked to Edward. He was looking at Alice, frowning, his eyebrows pulled together tight.

"What is it?" he asked her. Her smile grew wider.

"Nothing, Edward. I just need some girl time alone with Bella." She reached out her hand to mine but Edward's grasp on me tightened and he pulled me into his side.

"Alice, I'm not sure why you're blocking me, but if this is about visions you've seen of us together, I'd ask that you respect our privacy. I'm sure if Bella wants to talk to you, she will."

Alice opened her mouth to say something, then closed it.

"It's not that, Edward," she said quietly. "I haven't seen any visions of Bella." Something flickered in her eyes, but I couldn't make it out. "It's to do with the wedding. Girly wedding stuff. I'm blocking you so you don't see the dress."

He didn't relax his hold. Something had him on alert. Alice rolled her eyes.

"Yes, I'm sure Bella will talk to me if she wants to, Edward, but you'd have to let her out of your grasp first." She looked pointedly at Edward's arm clamped protectively around my waist. I didn't want to be the cause of any trouble.

"Edward it's okay. Whatever it is won't take long - will it Alice?" I turned back to her. She was smiling hugely, victory was hers.

"Not long at all." She grabbed my hand and pulled me from the piano seat. "Edward, Rose needs a hand in the garage. Emmett's holding up the M3 while she works and she needs someone to hand her the tools."

Edward frowned again, clearly not comfortable with Alice's behaviour, but he stood up slowly and moved towards the front door. I gave him a smile as I disappeared up the stairs with a small, excited vampire.

"Alice, what is .... " She pulled me into her room and closed the door.

"Ssh," she put her finger to her lips, looking out the window. I followed the direction of her gaze. Edward was walking casually across the lawn to the garage, hands in pockets, his pace no more than normal, human speed.

"He seems very relaxed." Alice smiled at me. I looked away to hide my blush but there wasn't much point. The spike in my heart rate would give me away.

"Alice what is going on?" I was starting to feel annoyed.

"Just a minute ... ," she cocked her head to the side, eyes focused upwards. Rain started falling and she nodded, smiling.

"I'm sorry, Bella, but I need to talk to you without Edward hearing. The rain on the garage roof will make it harder for him to pick anything up, especially if we whisper." Whisper? I could barely hear her at all.

"And this should make it difficult for Jasper to hear anything." She chose a CD from a shelf on the wall and put it on. I was surprised by her actions - I didn't think she'd keep things from Jasper.

"You might need to sit down for this," she motioned to the luxurious king size bed. I was going to protest but sometimes with Alice it was just easier to give in. I sat down on the purple silk comforter.

Alice took a deep breath and focused on me. "Bella, yesterday you and Edward made a decision didn't you?"

My mouth floundered open and closed. This wasn't girly wedding stuff"

"Edward asked you to respect our privacy," I hissed.

She shook her head. "I don't want details. And anyway, it's obvious from the glow of your skin. His as well as yours," she gave a light laugh. "I'm very happy for you and I promise, I wasn't looking and I didn't see anything concrete, only that a decision was made."

I relaxed a little.

"But that decision has led to something else, Bella." Now there was a grin on her face and excitement seemed to be bubbling just under the surface, waiting to explode and engulf us all. "Something good."

"Just tell me Alice, please."

She took another deep breath and sat beside me, grinning from ear to ear, as she began to explain the future she'd seen.

A few minutes later Alice was giggling and I was stunned speechless.

"I thought it would be best coming from you," she finished, grabbing my hand and rubbing it with her icy one. "I'll stay here while you tell him. He's going to panic at first and he'll need to see my visions for himself pretty quickly." She looked out the window towards the garage. "The rain is going to ease off in a minute." She went to her enormous, walk-in wardrobe and emerged a moment later with a large red umbrella. "But it won't stop completely. Use this."

I took it from her, dumbly.

She kissed me on the cheek, gave another giggle of delight and then shooed me out of her room. But at the last moment she stopped me.

"Wait" I'll walk down the stairs with you. In your current state of mind it looks like you might fall."

We reached the bottom of the stairs and Alice moved across the lounge room to Jasper, still at the computer.

"Don't forget, I'll be here when you need me. Now go"" Alice was still grinning as Jasper looked from her to me, confused.

The rain was easing off, but still falling. I put up the umbrella and walked across the wet grass to the garage. My mind was chaos, I just couldn't take in what Alice had told me. I had no idea how to tell Edward.

I could hear Rosalie's voice.

"Wrench."

"Hey, Bella"" Emmett's voice was loud and clear. They'd obviously heard me coming. I got to the doorway. As Alice had described, Rosalie's red M3 was being propped up by Emmett. Rose's legs were sticking out from under the car, and Edward was leaning against the tool bench, arms crossed over his chest. At the sight of him I thought my heart might burst. He was grinning at me.

"Number three socket. Hi Bella." Rosalie's voice came from under the car somewhere.

Without looking, Edward reached behind him and grabbed a silver tool from benchtop. He bent down and reached out to the car. Rose's perfectly manicured hand appeared and took it from him. He stood up and came to me. I closed the umbrella and reached up to hug him but he took a step back, holding up his hands. There were black smears over his palms.

"Greasy hands," he said apologetically.

"I don't care," I said and wrapped my arms around him. I had to hold him, feel him against me. His arms went around me, hands splayed out away from me.

"Hey, Bella," Emmett was grinning up at my from the garage floor. "I was just telling Edward, you guys should have come and played with us. You know, Edward has to hit a home run sometime." He waggled his eyebrows and I knew I'd gone red.

"Excuse me, love." Edward grabbed a tool from the bench, bent down beside the car and reached underneath so his arm was working as a prop, much like Emmett's. With his other arm he flung the tool over the car so it landed with a loud thunk on Emmett's head.

"Hey"" Emmett let go of the car and put both hands over his face. "It was just a joke"" he yelled as he rubbed his nose.

"Emmett, just hold the car up." Rosalie's unimpressed drawl.

Emmett reached out slowly to support the car again. Edward let go of his side and stood up. He walked back to the bench and grabbed a rag. With a couple of quick strokes he'd wiped the grease from his hands.

"You're on your own now, Rose," he said as he put his arm around me and guided me out of the garage.

"Are you alright?" he asked, looking down at my chest. "Your heart sounds like it's about to give out."

"Um, I'm good."

"What did Alice say to you?" I could hear the concern in his voice.

"Come for a walk?" I could hear the tremor in my voice. His eyes darkened and narrowed.

He'd taken the umbrella and was holding it over us both as he made to head back to the house.

"Um, no. Maybe down to the river?" I didn't want anyone overhearing the conversation we were about to have.

Edward raised a single, curious eyebrow, but nodded. We changed direction and went behind the house, into the forest and towards the sound of running water. Carlisle and Esme came through the trees towards us, holding hands.

"Going for a walk in this weather?" Carlisle asked curiously.

"Um, yeah," I said awkwardly. "Just a short one."

"We'll see you up at the house soon, then? You don't want to catch a cold, Bella." Esme smiled.

Edward gave me a pointed look and raised one perfect eyebrow.

"No, I won't. I mean, we won't be long." I was feeling flustered as we walked past his parents and further into the forest.

It took less time than I'd thought and suddenly we were standing at the edge of the river. I stopped. The water was rushing past, hurling over rocks from the downpour. It matched the way I felt. Edward's eyes were on mine, he reached out one hand and placed it on my hip, still holding the umbrella over us. He was waiting for me to talk, but I froze. I didn't know what to say.

"Bella?" He never was good at waiting for me to speak.

"Just ... give me a minute, please."

I could hear him breathing, deep, slow breaths. My mind was blank, what do I say, what do I say?

And suddenly the full impact of Alice's news, and the enormity of what it meant for Edward, hit me. A huge smile erupted across my face.

"Bella, what is it? Tell me." His eyebrows pulled together as I nodded and took a deep breath.

"I have some news, Edward."

"Yes?" His eyes were searching mine.

News. The news was sinking in. Sinking in and then overflowing. My smile became a grin, my grin became a laugh. A joyful laugh.

"Bella, please?" He was pleading now, eyes desperate. The umbrella was beginning to shake, just a little.

I reached up and placed my hand on his face as I looked deep into his eyes.

"Edward, you're going to be a father."


	13. Chapter 13: Hope and Happiness

"What did you say?"

Edward had one hand on my hip, unmoving, while the other still held the umbrella over us. The rain was making soft _plip, plip_ sounds on the fabric. It had been several minutes since I'd told him he would be a father and I'd been watching his eyes, waiting for a flicker of reaction. At first there'd been nothing, just a blank stare, almost as if he hadn't heard me, or understood what I'd said. I'd waited, knowing that this news was not only huge, and unexpected, but also completely unbelievable. He needed a moment. He would need a few. But gradually, the blank stare had evolved into confusion, and that's when he'd spoken.

"What did you say?"

I took a deep breath and decided not to repeat myself, but to go instead for the full explanation.

"Edward, Alice has seen a vision, two visions, actually. They came to her yesterday evening." I spoke calmly, carefully, trying to bite back my excitement in the hope I could get the words out clearly. He kept his eyes on mine, didn't speak, but nodded his head slightly, asking me to continue. "She said the first one wasn't very clear, but she could see it was me and I was ... ," the smile started spreading across my face again, "I was very pregnant." Edward bit his lip just a little, his hand gripped my hip just a bit harder, but his expression remained otherwise unchanged. "Her second vision was much clearer, and it was you, standing beside a crib and ... you were holding a baby." He sucked in a quick, shallow breath. "And you were smiling." I added, grinning. My heart was racing, trying to anticipate his reaction.

And then I saw it, deep in his eyes - it was just a flicker, but it was there.

Hope.

The hand he held on my hip shifted, moving around slightly so his palm was resting over my belly. It was a cautious, tentative move, and I quickly covered his hand with both of mine and held it there. I watched him carefully as he stared at our hands together. He swallowed and I saw the hope start to fade from his eyes. Even though I'd expected this, my heart still gave a little twist.

"But it's not possible, Bella. You know that," he said softly and closed his eyes as his hand dropped loosely to his side, leaving my fingers empty on my belly. His eyes opened and they were sad as they looked into mine. "I wish, with everything that I am, that I could give that to you, but I can't."

I took a slow breath.

"You already have given it to me, Edward. Alice has seen it." He didn't respond and this time his silence made me talk. The words tumbled out in an excited stream.

"I know, it's a lot to take in. I didn't believe it at first when Alice told me. But now, even though I'm still trying to get my head around it, I can't tell you how happy I am. That we can do this, that we can give this to each other." Laughing, I grabbed his hand, but Edward shook his head.

"Sometimes she's wrong," he whispered. His jaw was tense now, his eyes defeated.

I sighed as I realised what he was doing.

Edward had thought himself so undeserving of happiness for so long that now he found it hard to accept it when it did come. He'd have to work through this by a process of elimination, gradually removing each obstacle to his happiness until the way was clear for him to embrace it. But he'd come a long way recently, most of his barriers were down now, and that was reflected by the flashes of hope I'd just seen in his eyes. A few months ago that hope would never have seen the light of day. But I didn't think there'd be too many obstacles now. _He wanted this._

The rain had stopped and I took the umbrella from him and folded it up, dropping it on the ground as I started chipping away at the first obstacle.

"Edward, think about all the times she's been right." I began listing them, holding his hand flat on mine, curling a finger into his palm with each point. "She saw me coming, she saw that we'd fall in love, our engagement ... the weather"" I added with a grin.

I was watching his eyes carefully. Yes" The hope was back It was just a little light, but it was back. He bit his lip again and I waited to see if he'd throw anything else in the way.

"But her visions can change." Yep, there it was. Obstacle number two. Doubt entered his eyes now. It was warring with hope, trying to get the upper hand. I wouldn't let it.

I lifted one hand and traced his cheek with my fingers and he relaxed his jaw a little. "Only if someone changes their path. And I'm not going to change anything, Edward. Are you?"

He gave a very small smile and turned his face to kiss my palm.

"No," he sighed and I saw hope do a victory dance all over doubt as he hesitantly put his hand back on my belly.

But a second later he was frowning. _Next obstacle waiting, please._

"But, it's still impossible." Doubt had wrestled hope to the ground and was standing with its foot planted firmly on hope's head.

I took a deep breath,

"Why? Does it say anywhere that it _can't_ happen? Or is it just assumed because it hasn't happened before?" I spoke calmly, framing the words simply as questions of interest, not a challenge. A question would make him think, a challenge would make him fight.

There was the flicker of a smile again and I felt I was gaining a little more ground. Hope had risen up, throwing doubt off balance.

"When you put it like that, I _don't _know that it is impossible. I just don't know of any ... ," but then his eyes went flat and he clenched his jaw. Hope and doubt both vanished and his fingers on me curled into a fist and he pulled his hand away sharply. I jumped, surprised.

"I _do_ know ... ," he swallowed and closed his eyes briefly. When they opened again I saw fear, and the panic that Alice had predicted. His voice was hoarse when he spoke. "Incubus" Bella, I'm a_ vampire_. Any child of mine would be a monster." He shook his head as if trying to rid himself of the idea. He ran his hands over his head, pulling at the hair. "If it's true then ... what I've done will _kill _you."

"No"" I reached out to him, desperate to calm him, but suddenly his head snapped around towards the trees.

"He's right on schedule," Alice whispered in my ear, startling me. I hadn't seen her arrive.

"Alice ... ?" Edward held out an imploring hand.

"Edward, before you go ballistic and start ripping the forest apart, just have a look." I saw his fingers flexing and wondered exactly what she'd seen that prompted her comment about the forest. I turned my gaze to her as she screwed up her beautiful face in concentration, opening her mind to him.

I watched Edward carefully. Within seconds, shock had replaced his fear.

"See?" Alice was smiling hugely. I approached Edward slowly and gently took his hand. He didn't stop me, but his fingers were limp. His eyes were closed, and gradually the shock on his face faded into disbelief, then wonder. He opened his eyes. Hope was back"

"Tell me what you saw," I spoke softly. He swallowed hard and let out a long breath.

"It's as you described," his words were almost whispered, his tone was reverent. "You were pregnant." He looked down at my waist, then at my hand holding his. "And there was me ... holding a baby." He ran his free hand through his hair again..

"And ... ?" Alice prompted.

He lifted his eyes to mine, they were swimming with hope and love and wonder. "And I was happy."

"Happy? Happy? Try euphoric, joyful. Happy just doesn't cover it Edward." Alice took a step towards him, grinning.

"But, what about Bella? Why is her vision less stable?" He was speaking to Alice but looking at me. He was wary now. "You know the stories of the incubus, Alice."

She shook her head. "And you know those are just legends, Edward, we don't know that they're true." She frowned a little then. "I'm not sure why Bella's vision isn't as clear as yours. I'm thinking that it has something to do with the baby - I don't know yet." Then she closed her eyes, opening her mind to him again. "But look at your face, Edward" Would you be smiling like that if something had happened to Bella?"

The muscles and tendons in his jaw were flexing as he pondered that. He looked down at the ground, his hand was still in mine. The other was a fist at his side. Alice opened her eyes.

"Just keep thinking of that smile, Edward. Just hold onto that."

Edward closed his eyes again, his face still looking down. He didn't move, he'd become like stone.

"Don't worry, he's just processing, that's what he does," Alice spoke with tenderness as she looked at her brother. I nodded. She was right, that was what Edward did. "In about sixty seconds it will hit him and you don't need me here when that happens." She gave a giggle. "I hope you don't wait too long before you tell the family - I'm trying to be good, but I don't know how much longer I can keep quiet." With a wave she was gone. I didn't even see her move.

I waited. And just as Alice had said, about sixty seconds later Edward lifted his head and looked at me. His eyes were dark, unfathomable, as they stared into mine. Then, slowly, his expression cleared and my heart started racing, pounding against my ribs, trying to break out of my chest so it could be free to jump and sing and turn cartwheels.

Because there, in his eyes, wasn't just hope, shining brighter than before, but there was belief, melting into happiness, and then joy, fierce and strong. In one swift movement he put his hands on my face and brought his lips down to mine.

This was no normal kiss. It was powerful, breathtaking. There was passion and love, but there was something more.

Exhultation.

The strength of it weakened my legs. Without breaking the intensity of his kiss, Edward moved his arm around my waist, supporting me, holding me to him closer than I ever thought possible. His other arm was around my shoulders, his hand buried in my hair. His lips continued to convey his happiness - it was consuming, passionate. I threw my arms around him and responded, letting all my joy transfer to him through my lips. Showing him how much this meant to me - for both of us.

After a moment he broke away, brought his hands up to cradle my face, and rested his forehead against mine. His eyes were closed.

"Tell me again," he breathed. "I want to hear you say it." His voice was rough but his smile was soft.

"I'm pregnant."

He smiled and kissed me, just like before, leaving me breathless again, heart pounding. When he pulled away this time his eyes were open, his thumbs stroking gently over my cheekbones.

"Again, please?"

I laughed, my joy bubbling over. "I'm pregnant."

Once more, his mouth met mine, this time in a soft kiss of incredible tenderness.

"You're pregnant." He whispered the words against my lips.

"Yes." I whispered back.

He moved his hands from my face and wrapped his arms around me again, pulling me tightly to him as his mouth ghosted gently over my neck.

"With my child."

"Yes."

He kissed me beneath my ear and along my jawbone. Shivers rolled through me and he took his arms from around me and found my hands pressed against his chest. He laced his fingers with mine and held our hands between us.

"_My_ child." He brought our hands up and he kissed my fingers as he stared into my eyes and I gasped, truly overwhelmed at the joy I saw there. I could stare into those eyes for the rest of my life.

"Yes," I whispered. "Yours."

He kissed me again, deep and slow. When I needed air he pulled his face back and gave me his crooked smile.

"Ours."

Slowly, he let go of my hands and put his arms around me loosely as he began to move down my body until he was on his knees in the damp grass. He rested his cheek against my belly and sighed as he hugged me tightly around the hips. His love was palpable and it flowed through me. I could feel it.

I ran my fingers through his hair.

"Are you going to say anything else?"

"I can't."

I chuckled. I'd never seen him so at a loss for words.

"Are you happy?"

His head moved up and down in a nod against me.

"Do you believe it now?"

I felt him take in a deep breath. Slowly, one hand came from my hips and lifted up the hem of my shirt. Edward placed a gentle kiss on the skin of my belly. "Yes."

I pulled him even closer.

A moment later he spoke again, lifting his face up, his voice barely above a whisper.

"Bella, you have given me so much already, and now, to give me this, I ...," he stopped and shook his head a little. "And to know that _I_ can give this to _you_," he sucked in a deep breath and buried his head against me again. "You are my life, my heart, my soul." He sighed, lifting his face again, his eyes alight and alive with love. "You are _everything_." But now his voice was broken and my tears began to fall when I saw the tremor in his bottom lip.

"Oh, Edward," I dropped to my knees too, and hugged him as hard as I could.

Edward lifted me into his arms and ran through the forest, back to the house, as the rain began to fall again. I was still reeling from his reactions - the power of his love and joy. A joy that actually brought him to, well ... _tears, _dry though they were. My heart swelled when I thought of it. He placed a kiss on my finger as I traced his lips, remembering that tremor.

When we were in his room he stood, still holding me, his eyes looking into mine.

"It almost hurts," he said softly.

"What hurts?"

"The happiness. It feels like my body can't contain it. Like it's just going to erupt, or overflow and I'll be smashed to pieces with the force of it."

I gave a laugh.

"I know." I reached up to touch his face. "When I was telling you, my chest actually hurt."

He bent his face and kissed my chest over my heart. Slowly he walked to the bed and sat me down in the middle. He stood, looking at me, a beaming smile on his face.

"It's true, isn't it?

I nodded and bit my lip, giggling, as the excitement bubbled through me. Edward grinned back then ran his hand over his face.

"At first, when you told me, I thought ... I didn't know why you'd said it. And it hurt, seeing how much the idea made you happy and thinking I couldn't give that to you. I felt so defeated." He sighed. "I'm sorry if I made you sad."

He climbed onto the bed with me and I reached for him, wrapping my arms around his shoulders. as he nestled his head against my neck.

"I knew you'd come round eventually. And Alice told me you'd worry and panic, she'd said you'd need to see for yourself. It's okay."

His eyes focused on my tummy. Tentatively, he reached out his hand and placed it over my midriff. He shook his head.

"How?"

I laughed. "How do you think?"

He chuckled. "I mean, it's not supposed to be possible. My body doesn't work that way."

"Your body works beautifully, Edward." He looked up at me, smiling shyly, and I grinned. "Yesterday in the meadow, this morning, here, in your room ... ," I let the memories hang between us for a moment. "That's how it happened." I was stroking the back of his neck.

He nodded slowly and brought his face up to mine.

"So, you're happy too?" he asked, searching my eyes. He knew I was, he just wanted me to say it again.

"Mm, am I happy?" I tilted my head, raised my eyes to the ceiling and tapped my finger on my chin, thinking. Teasing.

Suddenly, cool lips found their way to the place behind my ear that made me quiver. My eyes closed as the lips ghosted down my neck, barely touching my skin, and across to the hollow of my throat. Edward held his mouth there, just above me, letting his icy breath wash over the sensitive skin, but not touching. I was gasping, trying to arch into him, wanting his lips on me, but he kept pulling away, just far enough. _He_ was teasing _me_.

"So?" His husky voice. Mmm.

I took a deep breath and tried to calm myself enough to speak.

"So, in answer to your question ... ," I began as I opened my eyes. He was looking up at me through his dark lashes, a half smile on his perfect lips, bronze hair tumbling into eyes shining with love. My heart skipped a beat and the rest of my response was a choked whisper. "Yes, I'm happy too. I ... I don't have the words to tell you. I can't explain it." I took a deep breath as he continued to look at me. I thought I might melt. "So happy it hurts, remember?" I put my hand over my chest again and his smile widened.

"I don't want you to hurt," and he kissed me over my heart for a second time.

I stroked the back of his neck, enjoying the feel of his kiss. I sighed and his lips smiled against me. I wanted to tell him that I knew just how much this baby meant to him because, while this was something we'd never thought possible, there was more to it than that.

George had been such a shock to Edward. And to me. But once we had met him I could see how he had made Edward feel. Even though he'd had no involvement in George's life, Edward was proud of his son, he was proud to be his father. And it made me realise that he had missed out on a lot.

So, I wanted Edward to know that I understood _all_ the ways that this baby would be important to him. I took a deep breath.

"You're going to be a wonderful father, Edward." My fingers kept playing in his hair and his arms squeezed tighter around me as I remembered the night he said goodbye to George, tucking his blanket around him, gently kissing his forehead. I prepared myself to say the next words. "And ... this time you'll be there for everything. Every moment. Every second. You won't miss a thing."

His body tensed. Then slowly, he lifted his head away from me and looked up into my face, his eyes shining. He swallowed, hard.

"_We _won't miss a thing," he said, and smiled before resuming his kisses over my heart.

We laid quietly for a while, still trying to absorb our news as the rain pattered against the glass and thunder rolled in the distance.

"I don't feel any different." I looked over Edward's head, down to my tummy, trying to imagine what was going on in there.

"It _is_ very early, Bella." Edward's face was still pressed against my chest, listening to my heart.

"I know, but I just wonder what's happening in there. Right now, right this second."

Edward chuckled. "I know what you mean. I'm wondering too." He pulled back and sat beside me, cross-legged, taking my hand to hold in his lap. "I'm still not sure what it all means, though. The legends of vampires mating with humans don't end happily." His eyebrows came together a little, his lips pressed into a line.

"But they're _just legends _aren't they? Like vampires with fangs turning into bats. And you've seen Alice's visions."

"Yes, but we still need to find out what we can. We can't base everything on Alice but I'll admit her vision of me holding the baby puts my mind at ease."

"And makes us happy."

"Makes us _very_ happy." He lifted my hand to his lips, kissing it softly.

"It will effect a lot of things, though. Like your change, for one." He spoke slowly, giving me a cautious look.

I'd been so overwhelmed by the news that I hadn't really thought about what having a baby would mean, other than making us both very happy. But he was right. I'd have to put off my change until after the baby was born, but then, did I want to be a blood thirsty newborn vampire with a baby in the house? And college? It would put a dent in those plans too if I planned to stay human a bit longer.

And when would it arrive? Would this pregnancy be the same length as an all-human one? And what would the baby be like? Would we have to hide it in case there _were_ some obvious vampire features? Would it have red eyes? Or green? Brown? Would it drink milk, or blood? My head started spinning.

"Bella?"

He leant over and nudged the collar of my shirt aside so he could kiss my shoulder. Mmm. "What are you thinking?"

Out of long habit I was about to say _nothing_, but stopped myself. Instead I laid out the thoughts that had trafficked through my mind. Edward left my shoulder alone and I pouted while he chuckled. He ran his nose along my jaw instead.

"The baby will be born in Spring," he said softly, his lips stopping under my ear and kissing me there.

His answer surprised me and my mouth dropped open. With one finger Edward gently pushed it closed again.

"How do you know?" I finally got the words out.

He laid down beside me, one hand propping up his head, the other resting on my tummy.

"In the vision, I'm standing by a window and outside there's a tree, bare of leaves, but with new buds about to blossom. Early spring." The tenderness in his voice made my heart skip. He heard it and chuckled..

My smile stretched across my face as he continued. "So that gives us a rough time frame of about seven months from now."

Seven months.

"March, then?"

"March." His lips found their way back to my shoulder. I sighed and ran my fingers through his hair.

Spring.

"Could you see what the baby looked like?"

He shook his head. "Not really. It was a bundle, wrapped in a blanket in my arms."

Blanket. "What colour was the blanket?"

He smirked. "It was white, Bella. With tiny yellow ducks on it."

"Oh. Not pink or blue, then?"

"Not pink or blue, no."

I nodded.

"That's one thing answered. How do we find out more?"

Edward was focused on my stomach where he had started tracing lazy spirals. "I've been thinking about that ... I think initially we should speak to Carlisle."

I nodded. "Sounds like a good idea. Umm, should we do that now?" If we didn't start telling his family soon, Alice would beat us to it, I was sure.

"Do you want to?" Edward seemed cautious.

"Do you?"

He grinned at me. "Yes."

"Me too. Lets go."

"What do you think he'll say?" I was whispering as we stood outside the door of Carlisle's office. Edward's arm was snug around my waist, but suddenly there were nerves mixed in with my excitement.

"Er, I imagine he'll be very surprised," Edward whispered back, his hand raised and ready to knock.

"Do you think he _will_ be able to tell us anything?"

"I don't know."

Then I remembered Edward telling me that he'd once asked Carlisle for advice about our relationship - and it made me think.

"Edward, has Carlisle ever mentioned birth control to you?"

"No, he hasn't." He was smirking. "And I think it's a bit late for that conversation now, don't you."

"Oh, yeah, I guess so. I just thought if he'd mentioned it, it would mean he knew it was possible for you to get me pregnant."

He was grinning. "I like it when you say that." He pulled me a little closer and I ducked my head as the blush crept over my cheeks. "But if he'd had that conversation with me then _I _would have known it was possible."

"Oh, yeah. Of course."

He bent down and kissed me softly. "I think it's safe to say, Bella, that no-one thought it was possible for me to get you pregnant." His eyes had gone all gorgeous again. I sighed. I'd never get tired of that.

He prepared again to knock.

"Wait." I hissed.

He dropped his hand and looked at me, one eyebrow raised.

"I just wondered what you're going to say." I was biting my lip now.

"I'm not sure, but I don't think it matters very much."

That puzzled me. "Why?"

He smiled and bent his head low, whispering right into my ear.

"Because he can hear everything we're saying right now, Bella."

My hand flew to my mouth as I realised. Vampire hearing. Edward was smirking at me.

"Shall I knock now?" he whispered.

Suddenly, the door opened.

"No need," Carlisle was smiling. "Come in. It sounds like you have something to tell me."

I was still blushing as Carlisle closed the door behind us.

"Bella and I have some news ... and we would also like to ask your advice." Edward turned to look at me, smiling, then turned back to face Carlisle. He squared his shoulders. "It seems that Bella and I are going to have a baby."

The joy, and pride, in his voice made my heart flip flop. His hand squeezed me and I knew that he'd heard it.

Carlisle's eyebrows raised slightly, his eyes widened a little and he nodded, grinning. Yep, he'd heard everything. He motioned for us to sit and Edward pulled me over to the big leather chair and gathered me into his lap.

"This is big news," Carlisle said slowly.

"Yes," Edward's voice cracked just a little and I squeezed his hand. "It is."

We sat and for the next hour we talked with Carlisle. Edward's hand never left my tummy.

He explained in detail about Alice's visions. What he'd seen, about the buds on the tree outside the window and the anticipated arrival date of March. Carlisle listened intently, agreeing that Alice's vision were a good indicator of a happy outcome, but that the pregnancy could hold lots of unknowns.

"To be honest, this is ... unprecedented, in my experience. I wouldn't have thought it was possible, but there's never been any evidence to say it _isn't_. To my knowledge there's been no documented relationship between human and vampire before."

He'd gone to his bookcase and pulled two large, ancient looking volumes from the shelves and brought them to the desk. He'd started turning the brittle, yellowed pages of the larger book. "You know the legends of the incubus, of course. As far as _I_ know, they are just that ... legends. There's no basis for truth in them. But you are right when you say that we don't know how Bella will be effected." He turned to me. "We'll have to monitor you closely," he said it kindly, almost apologetically. I nodded, understanding. Edward's hand was comforting, massaging lightly on my stomach, his other hand was rubbing slowly up and down my legs.

Carlisleflicked through the pages quickly, vampire speed, marking some as he went. Then he repeated the process with the second book. I assumed he'd go back and study them later.

"Edward, you say a time frame of seven months approximately, going by what you saw in the vision."

Edward nodded.

Carlisle turned to me and became Dr Cullen. "Alright, I think we need to start with the basics like we would with any pregnancy. Bella, would you mind if I asked when was your last period?"

"Oh, um ... ,"

"It's more recent than that, Carlisle." Edward spoke quietly.

"Oh," Carlisle looked to Edward, obviously communicating silently.

Edward dropped his gaze. "Yesterday," he said shyly. I felt myself blush, but Carlisle was all business.

"I see." He nodded, thinking for a moment, then obviously asked Edward another silent question.

"Yes," he answered quietly.

Carlisle was silent for another moment, softly tapping his finger against the cover of the book. "Mm, it still might work," he murmured and turned back to me. "Bella, I'd like to ask you to take a pregnancy test. Normally we'd need to wait about a week before a result would register, but the vampire factor might change that."

"Um, sure." I nodded.

Carlisle rose from the desk and went to his medical bag, returning a moment later with a small cardboard box.

"It's quite straightforward," he smiled, handing it to me. I nodded, looking at the instructions on the side as I got up from Edward's lap.

"Guess I'll be back in a few minutes," I smiled as I started for the door.

"Do you want me to come with you?" Edward was beside me.

"Um, no. I think I can manage."

"Oh, of course, sorry." I grinned as he shook his head and sat back down while Carlisle tried to stifle a laugh.

The little window was blue. I was smiling hugely as I opened the door of Carlisle's office. I hadn't doubted Alice's visions, but this concrete proof was good. Edward was standing, his eyebrows almost off his face in anticipation. I held up the plastic stick with its _positive_ square. He grinned and lifted me up in his arms, kissing me.

"I love you," I whispered softly against his cheek and feeling happy tears pricking at my eyes.

"I love you, too," he whispered back, nuzzling my ear as he set me back on the floor, carefully. _Very_ carefully.

"Well, congratulations. Again." Carlisle's smile was almost as wide as Edward's. He came and hugged me and I felt warm, despite his cool touch.

"You've brought so much joy to our family, Bella. Thank you." The warmth and sincerity of his words started the happy tears trekking down my cheeks. He smiled as I brushed them away.

Then he hugged Edward. As he drew back he rested his hand on his son's shoulder, looking him square in the eye. Some silent communication passed between them and Edward inhaled quickly. My heart jumped a little as I saw a look of deep pride cross his face and then he ducked his head, nodding slightly. "Thank you," he whispered. Carlisle embraced him again before pulling back - his own eyes were swimming with pride.

"Well," he said, becoming Dr Cullen again. "Given that it's not much more than twenty four hours, the vampire factor is obviously a big presence." He took the stick from me and looked at it carefully. "And if your theory, Edward, about early Spring is correct, then a gestation period of seven months means things will progress more quickly than an all-human pregnancy." Edward nodded and came to stand behind me, wrapping his arms around me, pulling me tight against him. "I'd like to take some blood as well, Bella, if that's alright. It's standard practice, and I'd like to compare the results to the blood we took from you last month in hospital."

My stomach flip-flopped at the thought.

"Bella, you don't have to," Edward's voice was concerned, but I shook my head.

"No, it's okay. We have to find out what we can." But inside I felt sick already. "Should you warn the others? The smell might disturb them."

Carlisle smiled. "That's very considerate, Bella, but if I do my job properly, there should be very little blood exposed to the air and the puncture will be covered afterwards. There shouldn't be a problem."

I twisted my head to look at Edward and raised an eyebrow. "Do you want to leave the room?"

He scowled at me. "Not likely, Bella." He squeezed me tighter.

So I sat back in the comfy leather chair and Edward held my hand while I held my breath. It wasn't so bad and soon Carlisle had a nice sample of my blood to send for testing.

"And to avoid any gossip I'll send it to the Port Angeles lab under a different name." He wrote out a form for Isabella Masen. "Just in case," he said, smiling at us both.

I let out a breath. "Okay, what do we do now?" I was rolling down my sleeve. Edward's fingers were playing in my hair.

"Well, we start looking for anything that can give us some clues to what to expect. We can begin with the books here, and hopefully Alice might have some more visions. I'll make some discreet enquiries with the Denalis. They might be aware of something."

Edward nodded. "I'll start going online to some of the University libraries. UCLA has a Mythology unit that might be helpful."

"Good idea. But before we do any of that, the next real step, I think, is to go downstairs and tell the rest of the family. What do you think?" Carlisle was grinning from ear to ear.

Edward looked at me. "Bella?"

"I think we'd better," I said smiling. "Before Alice explodes."

Downstairs in the living room Jasper and Emmett were playing one of their elaborate chess games with multiple boards. Rosalie was flipping through the television channels and Esme was going through some swatches of fabric at the dining room table. Alice was at the computer - she grinned at us as we came down the stairs, Edward's hand wrapped tightly around mine.

"Hey, Edward, Jasper and I are going for a hunt later, wanna come?" Emmett looked up briefly from the chessboard and Jasper chose that moment to make his move - at vampire speed. Emmett looked back quickly.

"What? What did you do? Where did you move?" His eyes scouring the boards.

Edward chuckled. "No, I'm good, thanks. Er, but we have some news ... ," Edward was beaming. Suddenly, I felt very shy. I was sure the Cullens would be happy for us, but I just felt a little awkward. I was already starting to blush. There was no way I'd be sharing this news with Charlie until after the honeymoon.

Edward pulled me into his side. All the Cullens were looking at us, curious, expectant. I knew Edward would be reading their thoughts. He was chuckling and I'd have to ask him later what he heard. Still beaming, he took a deep breath.

"Bella's pregnant"" Alice clapped her hands over her mouth as soon as the words were out. Everyone turned to look at her. "Sorry," she mouthed to us, grimacing as she pulled her hands away slowly. Then, all heads snapped back to us.

"Edward?" Esme's face was confused. "Is that true?"

Edward shot an exasperated look at his sister, but then the beaming smile was back.

"Yes it is. Bella and I are going to have a baby."

There was silence. Complete and total. The Cullens weren't breathing, not even Edward. His arm around me was flexing, squeezing me tighter to him. The only sound was _my_ breath coming quickly, and the blood pounding in my ears. In fact, I was making the most noise in the room. Thumping heart, pounding blood, accelerated breathing, I was loud"

"Is that possible?" Esme broke first.

"Apparently, yes," Edward smiled. "Alice has seen it and we've had a positive test result."

More silence. Oh, except for me with the pounding blood and the heavy breathing.

"How?" Emmett's question came next.

Edward raised a singleeyebrow at him. _How do you think?_

"Whoa, Edward," Emmett nodded, smiling. I could feel the blush travelling all over me and I wanted to bury my head in Edward's chest. Understanding, he pulled me closer and his hand stroked my back.

Then the room erupted.

Esme threw herself at Edward, hugging him hard. Then she hugged me, but very gently.

"Oh, Bella, Bella," she cooed. "This is marvellous"" She pulled away and clasped her hands to her chest. "When?"

"Oh, we think maybe March," I said shyly. Edward explained about the vision as Carlisle went to Esme and put his arms around her, smiling.

Alice was dancing on the spot. Jasper came and embraced Edward. He gave me a loose hug, but his smile spoke volumes. "It's wonderful news," he said warmly.

Then suddenly, my feet were off the ground and I was gasping for air, clamped tight in Emmett's warm bear hug.

"Emmett"" Six vampire voices cried out, Edward's the loudest.

Suddenly it stopped, and I was cradled in Edward's arms, and he was growling softly, eyes dark.

"Hey, I'm so sorry, Bella. Really. I just got excited. Edward, hey, I'm sorry. I didn't hurt anything, did I?" Emmett was backing away, upset, hands raised.

"No, you didn't hurt anything Emmett. I'm fine. Really, don't worry." My ribs felt a little sore, but there was no way I was mentioning that.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Edward's whisper was anxious. I nodded and smiled.

"Yes. Please put me down." I could see he didn't want to. If he had his way, I'd be staying right there, in his arms, until the baby was born. Hopefully he would see the impracticality of that.

He hesitated then set me back on the floor. Straight away I went to Emmett and hugged him. I was glad to see his frown disappear underneath a beaming smile. Then Edward came forward and held out his hand.

"Sorry, Emmett," he grinned. "I think I might be a little, er, overprotective." He shrugged.

"No kidding?" But Emmett was grinning too. "I understand, Edward. I'm so happy for you both." And they embraced each other with slaps on the back.

Then I turned and saw Rosalie standing in front of me. A shiver went through me. This would be hard for her. She took a deep breath and seemed almost nervous.

"Congratulations," she said awkwardly.

"Thank you, Rosalie." My voice was soft, I never felt confident talking to her, although she had been friendlier lately - since she knew I wouldn't leave Edward over George. But this was different. I knew she already envied me my humanity, now I was having a baby - she'd probably hate me outright. I was surprised to see that she was fidgetting, fiddling with the ring on her finger.

"Babies are hard work. I remember how it was when my friend had her children," she said quietly, referring to her human life. I nodded, not sure where this was going. "You'll probably need help sometimes. And baby sitters, you know, if you want time to yourselves." Her eyes softened a little.

"Um, yes, sure. We'll need that. Absolutely." I was nodding and Rosalie's face broke into a smile. She nodded and, surprisingly, gave me a hug. I hugged her back. Edward came and stood beside me, his hand on the small of my back.

"Thank you, Rose." His voice and eyes were warm. She smiled and ducked her head as she moved back to the sofa.

And then, everything was activity. Alice and Esme started talking about nurseries, colour schemes, themes and Rosalie joined in too. Jasper and Emmett tried to convince Edward, unsuccessfully, to go for a celebratory hunt. The sky was getting dark and I realised it was time to head home and start dinner for Charlie.

I said goodbye amidst more hugs and I realised as I walked through the door that the baby celebrations at the Cullen house would continue on without us. When I came back tomorrow, they'd probably have a whole new nursery ready and waiting. I was chuckling to myself as I climbed into the Volvo.

"I assume we're not telling Charlie tonight." Edward pulled up out the front of the house. The cruiser was in the driveway.

"No way" As far as Charlie's concerned, this is strictly a honeymoon baby."

Edward laughed. "If it comes in seven months, he'll know it wasn't."

"No, he'll just think it's early."

"If you like," Edward smirked. "Although Charlie suspects a lot more than he admits to himself."

"Well, as long as he just keeps suspecting and not admitting."

Edward came around and opened my door. As I stepped out he put one arm either side of me against the car and leaned in close, running his nose along my jaw.

"You are the most gorgeous woman on the planet, you do know that, don't you?" His voice was low and husky and made every hair on my body stand to attention. And I don't know where it came from, but I said it because suddenly, I really felt it.

"Yes, I am."

His eyes gleamed as he took my hand and we went into the house.

Charlie had had a very successful fishing trip and was pleased to share his stories with Edward while I cooked dinner. Bonding with Charlie over Mike Newton meant that Edward had learned all about the county's best fishing spots.

After dinner, Edward prepared to leave. "I don't want to go, but I should start working on the research with Carlisle. I'll be back when Charlie's asleep." He kissed me, deeply, his hands wandering from my back around to my front and resting lovingly on my stomach. He pressed his forehead to mine.

"I love you," he whispered.

"And I love you," I kissed the tip of his nose.

"You'll be a wonderful mother," his voice was very soft.

I grinned. "I hope so."

He sighed and kissed me again. A moment later I waved the Volvo goodbye as it roared away up the street. I missed him already.

I went back inside. Charlie was absorbed in tv sport so I went upstairs and put on some music - something bright and happy that Edward had given me while I was recuperating after hospital. I probably should have started sorting my laundry, but that just seemed too banal after the events of the last forty eight hours. So I booted up my computer and started playing on the internet, mucking around, just for something to do and I just happened to accidentally look up a list of the one hundred most popular babies names for 2006. Emma and Madison, Ethan and Ryan came out on top. I noticed Edward didn't rate a mention. I laughed at myself. Barely two days pregnant and already looking at names. I stood up and decided to have a shower. I tried to shut the computer down but it was frozen, hanging, the egg timer sitting in the middle of the screen, taunting me. I decided to leave it until I came back from the bathroom.

The warm water felt good on my skin and I thought of the bath I'd taken in here just the day before. My mind wandered again, like it had so many times today, to the meadow, and Edward's bedroom. I wondered if he'd be too careful of me to want to make love again before the baby came. I hoped not. I ran my hands over my belly. I was having a baby. Edward's baby. I was having Edward Cullen's baby. I started laughing and happy tears flowed as I hugged myself, almost as hard as Emmett.

My hug softened to gentle, circles around my belly button as I wondered what the baby would look like, remembering our conversation in the hospital the month before. Edward had imagined a daughter, with brown eyes and hair. I'd thought of a little bronze haired boy. I smiled. I didn't care; boy, girl, vampire, human - it would be ours and anything created out of such deep love was going to be perfect. It couldn't be any other way.

I padded back to my room in my pyjamas, my wet hair making drops on my shoulders and spotty patterns on my tank top. I opened the door and stopped, my mouth falling open.

"Edward?"

He was leaning across my desk, face sheepish, trying to hide the computer screen, while the computer was obviously frozen again and refusing to shut down. It reminded me of that night he caught me googling him and I snorted a laugh.

"What are you doing?" I stepped into the room, circling around him slowly, trying to see the screen behind his back.

You should never try to out-stealth a vampire because it's just not going to happen.

He blocked each of my moves smoothly, his body arcing and bending gracefully, sinuously as he continued to obstruct my view.

"Nothing." His sheepish face was gone now. His eyes were bright, he seemed to be enjoying our dance.

"Don't tell me _nothing_, Edward. What are you looking up?" I was trying to sound serious but the smile I was trying to hide gave me away.

I tried to fake a move but he was too quick. He couldn't read my mind but it seemed that way as he anticipated my every play. Finally I had to bring out the big guns.

I stopped still and looked up at him.

"Please, Edward?"

His amber eyes darkened and narrowed.

"You don't play fair." He used his deepest voice. The one that bordered on a growl, the one that always sent shivers through me and made my breath catch. It seemed somebody else wasn't playing fair either.

I stepped closer to him, reaching up and tracing my finger in circles over his chest.

"Please?"

My wet hair had left water drops over the bare skin of my shoulders. He leant down and touched his tongue to one. My eyes opened in surprise and I gasped at the sensation. Then I realised - he was trying to distract me.

I let him think that he had re-directed my attention. As he bent down to take a second lick I moved, ducking under his arm, limbo style, and coming out on the other side. In front of the computer screen.

"Ha"" I exclaimed, looking at Edward as he smiled at me, holding up his hands in defeat.

"Well played, love."

I gave him a satisfied grin and turned to look at the screen at last. My eyes widened as I took in the picture. And the price.

"Edward, are you _serious?_" He was looking sheepish again. "You_ are_ serious, aren't you?"

"Er, well, I was thinking about it."

"But ... how much is ... ," I peered closer at the screen to make sure I was seeing right. "Seven thousand pounds?"

He sighed and looked at the ground as he shoved his hands deep in his pockets.

"Roughly ten thousand dollars," he murmured.

"Ten thou ... for a rocking horse""

He gave me a weak grin. "It's a very good rocking horse."

"I'm sure it is but ... ten thousand dollars?"

He became animated then, moving towards me, eyes shining as he put his hands on my hips.

"It's an antique, fully restored, made by the Ayres company around 1900. They were masters at the craft."

I looked back at the screen. The horse was white with grey dappling. It had a real mane, not a painted one, and a long tail. The saddle and reins were red. There were fine, intricate patterns painted over its back legs and along its neck. The rockers were a shiny, rich, dark timber. It _was _beautiful.

I shook my head. "Do you really think ... ," I trailed off as I looked into his eyes. Yes, he obviously did think it was okay to spend ten thousand dollars on a toy. And then I started to smile. This child was going to be spoilt, that was clear. And this would be the first of many such battles between us, I could see that.

My mind went back to Edward's list of human memories that I read that day in his room. He'd written about his favourite toys as a child. There had been mention of tin soldiers, a train set and ... a rocking horse.

I raised my hand and rested it on his cheek. He turned his face and kissed my palm.

"I remember now, you had one when you were little."

He nodded shyly, his thumbs making tender circles over my hips.

"Every child should have one," he said quietly.

I smiled. I saw the significance of it now. I put my arms around his neck and he pulled me tight against his chest.

"Okay, Edward. But maybe we can wait for a while before we do anything about it. It's only been two days - don't you think it might be a bit soon to start buying or planning things?"

His hands were rubbing over my back, now.

"Too soon? Mm, perhaps you're right." He gave a half smile as he started backing towards the bed, where he gently pulled me down so I was lying on top of him.

"I just think, you know, we should wait a bit before we start doing things like that."

"If you say so, love," he ran kisses along my neck. My eyes closed and I tilted my head to give him better access.

"So tell me, Bella ... , " he was murmuring between kisses. "What's it to be? Madison or Ryan? Maybe Emma or Ethan?"

My eyes snapped open and I froze. Of course. I'd left the computer screen hanging when I went to the shower. He would have seen the baby names site when he'd arrived. I was busted.

"Or is it _too soon_ to start planning things, love?"

I let out a groan and Edward chuckled, running his nose along my jaw. "So can I buy the horse now?"


	14. Chapter 14: Hot Chocolate

**All things Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended.**

* * *

The rocking horse arrived a week later, amid the chaos of last minute wedding preparations. I had to admit, it was beautiful and I ran my hand over it, imagining our little girl or boy sitting in the red saddle. I looked at Edward, as he cleared away the discarded wrapping and packaging and made a space for it in the corner of his room. The smile hadn't left his face since the delivery van arrived.

"Edward, am I going to come in here one day and find _you_ riding this thing?"

He scoffed at my joke. "Of course not, Bella."

I smiled and looked back at the wooden horse, running my fingers through its mane, when I heard him murmur to himself. "I'll hear you coming and get off before you arrive."

I started laughing and looked up to see him grinning at me.

"It wouldn't surprise me," I said and went to bury myself in his arms. He rested his chin on top of my head.

"Thank you," he said quietly.

"For agreeing to the horse?"

"For everything. Just ... everything." He spoke simply and I smiled and placed a kiss on his chest, letting my breath flow through the cotton of his shirt to warm his icy skin.

"Mm," he sighed and his hand moved lightly down my side, then rested on the small of my back, as he pressed himself against me. I lifted my face and met his kiss, while my hands ran up his back and into his hair. My lips left his and trailed down his throat and he tilted his head back. I had to raise up on my toes to properly reach then and I started to overbalance. Immediately, Edward swung me into his arms and carried me to the bed where he lay down next to me. He pulled me against him and his hands went under my shirt and began to move over my ribs. My hands were on him, trailing over his chest then sneaking lower, looking for those places around his hips that made him whimper. He grabbed my hand as it dipped below his jeans, my nails grazing along the skin.

His eyes looked into mine, deep and loving. And apologetic.

"I know, we agreed." I smiled weakly and withdrew my hand.

"I'm sorry, love. I just ... we don't know yet what's happening and I don't want ... ," I put my finger over his lips.

"It's okay, Edward. _We _agreed. It was a mutual decision. It's just ... ," I left my thought hanging.

He smiled and pulled me into a hug. "I know. I don't want to stop either."

The night that we'd discussed the rocking horse, Edward had suggested that it might be wise if we didn't make love again until we could be sure that it wouldn't be a risk to me _in my condition_, or the baby. At first I'd rolled my eyes and been about to protest, but then I thought about it. There were a lot of unknowns with this pregnancy. Heck, it was _all_ unknowns. So maybe it would be better to wait. But it was proving difficult - for both of us. I noticed Edward discreetly adjusting himself before getting off the bed. I bit back a smile.

"I'll take this rubbish down," he murmured as he gathered the foam and cardboard into his arms. I sighed as he left the room and wondered what sort of wedding night we'd be having. I made a mental note to pack the Scrabble board.

A few moments later Edward returned, smiling.

"Bella, Carlisle has something to show us." He took my hand as I got off the bed.

Edward made a quick tap on the office door and walked in, pulling me behind him. My mouth opened in surprise. It was still Carlisle's office, but now, along one wall was an examination couch and an ...

"Is that an ultrasound machine?"

"Yes." Carlisle was standing on the opposite side of the room, smiling.

"But, aren't those only in hospitals?"

"Lots of doctors lease them for their practices, Bella. That's all Carlisle has done. It's a lease agreement, a perfectly normal thing for a doctor to do."

Edward was trying to downplay it, I could tell. He was expecting me to throw a fit about Carlisle spending money and rearranging his own office to accommodate me. And I did think about doing that, for a moment.

"I thought it would be more comfortable if we did things here." Carlisle's voice was smooth, calming. "Avoid the town gossip that you'd get if you went to the hospital. Will that be alright with you, Bella?"

And of course it was. Apart from my comfort and the desire to avoid town gossip, this home-made clinic was also to protect the Cullens from speculation and exposure.

So far, despite hours of research by Edward and Carlisle, all we knew about the offspring of vampires and humans were the incubus legends that told of foetuses growing at alarming rates and children born with cold, still hearts and no blood. Nobody believed the legends, but we still didn't know exactly what we _were_ dealing with. Alice hadn't had any more visions, and the one of Edward didn't give a clear picture of the baby.

"But your office?"

"It's the most logical place," Carlisle smiled. "I suppose we could have set up in Edward's room, but I believe all the spare space has been taken up by a rocking horse." He winked at me while Edward rolled his eyes.

"So," Carlisle crossed the room and flicked a switch on the machine. "Would you like to take a look and see if we can see anything?"

I grinned, biting my bottom lip. I looked at Edward and he was grinning, too.

"Yes, please."

A few minutes later, after drinking the required amount of water, I climbed onto the comfy leather couch - no thin foam covered with vinyl here - and lifted my shirt while Carlisle squeezed gel all over my stomach. It was cold and I flinched.

"Normally, one week would be far too soon to detect anything, but given your positive result after one day, and this ... ," he reached across to his desk and picked up a paper, handing it to me. "I thought it might be worth a look now."

Edward came and looked over my shoulder. It was the report on my blood sample from the Port Angeles lab. It confirmed my pregnancy, giving a hormone level roughly equivalent to six weeks, and noted some factors which were inconclusive.

"Inconclusive." I whispered the word. I felt nervous and my heart rate went up.

"That's to be expected, love." Edward's voice was very soft as the backs of his fingers caressed my cheek. "We can't know yet what my contribution is going to be."

I nodded. Carlisle adjusted a dial and grabbed the probe.

"Ready?"

The screen was dark and fuzzy. We were silent, all of us too anxious for conversation as Carlisle moved the probe over my slippery belly. The screen gave nothing, no images like I'd seen on ultrasounds in movies or television. Carlisle turned some more dials. The screen didn't change, still black, but suddenly, a new sound filled the room, bringing gasps from all of us.

A heartbeat.

It was soft, fluttering, but its rhythm was fast and strong. It flowed and swelled around us, affirming life and the love that created it. I sucked in a breath and my smile was endless.

Edward's hand holding mine gripped harder, squeezing until it almost hurt. But I didn't care. I was squeezing right back. He bent his head to mine and very softly kissed my cheek.

"A beating heart," his whisper broke on the last word. I looked away from the blurry, black screen and turned to him. His face was brilliant. Just brilliant. I bit my lip as I tried to contemplate the depth of love I saw there. It wasn't too hard to do, it was the same as mine, after all.

"Well, a heart beat and flowing blood. An excellent sign." Carlisle's relieved voice broke through our moment. Edward rested his head on my shoulder and exhaled slowly. I reached up to stroke his hair and he nuzzled deeper against my neck.

"But the amniotic sac is thicker than usual." Edward raised his head at Carlisle's words. We watched as he turned more knobs. "I can't get a clear image of the baby."

"Is that a problem?"

"No, I don't think so, Bella. I think it just means that the baby's skin is likely to be similar to vampire skin. Hard and impenetrable."

"Oh," I nodded and looked at Edward, who was staring intently at the screen. "Well, that's not bad, is it?"

He cocked his head to the side, eyes still on the black square in front of us. "No, not necessarily. I suppose if it has to inherit some of my vampire features then my skin is one of the better ones," he shrugged.

Carlisle was still twisting dials and knobs.

"It's like looking through frosted glass instead of clear glass." He was frowning. "But if you look here ... ," Edward and I leaned forward as Carlisle pointed to a tiny area of the screen that was a bit darker than the rest. "That's him, or her, right there."

I couldn't take my eyes off the screen, even though I was only looking at a black smudge. Because that black smudge was our baby.

"I'm sorry I can't get anything clearer for you." Carlisle spoke softly.

We stared at it for a moment. Edward slowly extended his hand and touched the screen, his finger passing hesitantly over the small, dark shape. Then he took a breath and so did I. I laughed as I realised neither of us had been breathing. He grinned at me.

"It looks just like you," he said, eyes twinkling.

I screwed my nose up at him. "Very funny," but my voice was choked. He reached his hand to cup my face, his eyes so tender I felt my own heart miss a beat. Carlisle left the room quietly as Edward's lips met mine.

A few minutes later Edward was wiping the gel off my belly as Carlisle turned off the machine.

"So it's all good news," Carlisle smiled. "The baby has a healthy heartbeat. And Bella's in excellent health. I think ... ," he wheeled the machine back into the corner and busied himself winding up the power cords. "I think if there's anything you've been avoiding because of concerns about causing damage, you can put those concerns to rest."

I blushed furiously and looked at Edward.

Carlisle picked up my file and was studying it carefully as he walked out of the room, a very feint smile on his lips.

"Did you say something to him?" I asked.

"No."

"Then why did he say ... that?" I waved my hand vaguely in the air.

Edward shrugged one shoulder and gave me an apologetic smile. "He's known me a long time."

But as it was, the week that followed left us no opportunity to put our concerns to rest, especially as Edward continued to stand by his _no sex in your father's house _rule. Alice took me off to Port Angeles for taper candles. She sent Edward to Seattle with Jasper to pick up napkins personalised with our intertwined initials.

"I'm not trusting anything to courier delivery at this stage - there's no time for replacements if something goes wrong."

"But can't you _see_ if something's going to go wrong?" Edward raised the question as I sat with Alice going over another final, final checklist. He hated leaving me.

She shot him a look and he shrugged as he went to grab his car keys while Jasper chuckled.

"You know it's better not to argue, Edward," he said as he followed his brother out the door.

In amongst all this Esme, Alice and Rosalie were throwing suggestions at us about nursery themes and colour schemes. I wasn't even sure where the nursery would be! I assumed they were planning on rearranging a room somewhere.

And then Renee and Phil arrived.

It was good to see my mother and spend time with her before the wedding. I'd missed her scatterbrained ways, and she was as frighteningly perceptive as ever. She'd greeted me with a hug and a raised eyebrow, telling me I was positively glowing. Edward told me later her thoughts wandered briefly to the idea of me being pregnant, but she banished them as soon as the word _Nanna_ crossed her mind.

So, our alone time together was infrequent and brief. It was difficult but I managed, because as much as I wanted him, I wanted him slowly. And holding off was building a delicious anticipation for our wedding night when the wait would be worth it. I knew that now from experience.

* * *

I stood at the top of the Cullens' staircase, wearing the beautiful, white dress Alice had chosen for me, holding onto Charlie's arm. My heart was thumping in my chest, my blood was pounding in my ears. Rosalie was playing Pachabel's Canon on Edward's piano and everyone was looking at me.

I was looking at Edward.

As soon as my eyes found him in the crowded room, my nerves vanished and I couldn't get down the stairs quickly enough. How had I ever thought getting married would be a bad idea?

Edward was a tall man, but today he was standing taller than usual. His shoulders were squared, his head was held high and proud. He was breathtaking. His dark suit was beautifully cut, the jade cufflinks his mother had given him were in place in his shirt sleeves. He held his hands low, clasped together in front of him.

But it was his smile that almost brought me undone. The smile that was meant for me. Just me. It held elation and joy and its power overwhelmed me and tears began to spill down my cheeks. Carlisle stood behind him and I saw him place a hand on Edward's shoulder. A silent communication passed between them, I was sure, when I saw Edward lift his chin a little higher, a little prouder.

His eyes never left mine and I could feel the connection flow between us, strong and unbreakable, as I walked down the stairs and along the aisle. As Charlie gently placed my hand in Edwards, I felt my world fall into place. Edward lifted my hands and kissed them very gently, his eyes bright, shining with his love as we turned and faced Reverend Webber.

Edward's voice was sure and strong as he made his vows. But his promise wasn't just in his words - I could feel it in his touch, I could see it in his eyes - it burned into my soul.

My own voice shook when I spoke my promise, trying to convey the depth of my love and commitment in just two words - as I said _I do_ I could see in Edward's eyes that he understood.

We exchanged rings. When I slipped the simple, platinum band onto Edward's finger I looked into his face, filled with a happiness that took my breath away. And I knew he saw the same in mine when he gave me my plain gold band. It would never leave my finger.

And then we were pronounced husband and wife. Forgetting that we had an audience I threw my arms around Edward's neck. His lips met mine and his arms went around my waist and gently pulled my body against his as he deepened the kiss. I sighed against his lips as he slipped his left hand between us, the one that wore his wedding ring, and rested it over my belly. I had never felt so complete in my life.

I lost myself in kissing him and only became aware of my surroundings again when he pulled back after a moment.

"Maybe we should save something for later," he whispered in my ear. I felt my blush crawl over my cheeks as the applause started.

Then there were congratulations and hugs from family and friends and it was time to really notice all Alice's beautiful work. There were fairy lights outside and candles burning inside. Crystal vases, overflowing with flowers, graced every surface and the room smelt and looked like a Spring garden. It was a work of art.

There was cake and dancing. Edward barely left my side, his hand always on my waist, my back, or clasped in mine, but when the music started it seemed everyone wanted to dance with the bride. Edward seemed happy to watch from the sidelines while I danced with my father, his brothers and Carlisle. He even danced himself with Renee and Esme. But when I left Emmett's arms to find Tyler Crowley wanting the next dance I sensed Edward's tension, even from across the room. I looked up and saw his wary eyes watching our every step as Tyler moved me awkwardly around the floor. Like me, he was not a skilled or graceful dancer and at the first stumble of his feet over mine, Edward was across the floor and interrupting politely with a smile. It was the fastest I'd ever seen him move around humans.

"Do you mind if I cut in?" There was no point asking really, he already had me in his arms.

"Oh, yeah, sure. Of course." Tyler smiled and backed away, returning to stand with Angela and Ben.

I shook my head at him but smiled, just glad to be back in his arms. He answered with a half smile and a shrug.

"Probably an overreaction, I know."

"Probably." At least he could admit it. I rested my head against his chest and sighed. Dancing with Edward was easy.

His hand moved slowly up my back and then back down again, even slower. He nudged the top of my head with his nose and I lifted my face to look at him. He smiled.

"I don't think I've told you yet, how heartbreakingly beautiful you are tonight," He lowered his face, pressing his lips softly against mine. He meant it to be a quick kiss, but I reached my hands into his hair and kept him there. Our mouths moved slowly, gently. I could feel the heat rising in me and my heart was starting to race. I thought he might pull away, aware that we were in a room full of people. But he didn't. He deepened his kiss and held me tighter and didn't stop until I needed air.

"Not long now, love," he whispered, rubbing his hands over my back again.

I sighed and rested my head back on his chest. Not long now.

"When are you going to tell me where we're going?" The honeymoon was a secret and he grinned.

"When we get there."

I groaned and he started waltzing me around the floor.

He took me to an island.

A private, tropical island.

Off the coast of Brazil.

An island that Carlisle bought for Esme as a gift.

I was still trying to get my head around that as I stood under the shower, letting the water flow over my skin, unknotting the tight muscles in my neck and shoulders. But even though my muscles were relaxing, my heart was racing.

We had arrived after dark, by speedboat, after two air flights. Edward had carried me across the sand and over the threshhold of the beautiful house that Esme had tastefully decorated. It was light and airy and reflected the colours of the island and the sea. Edward had finished the grand tour with the master suite, the main feature of which was the huge, white bed surrounded with misty netting.

He had kissed me softly as he'd set me down, still keeping his arms around me.

"Um, I imagine you'd like a human moment or two. It was a long journey." I could feel the anticipation crackling between us. I'd nodded, feeling the excitement building in me. "But don't be too long," he had whispered, chuckling when he heard my heart jump. He'd kissed my neck lightly before he'd turned and headed towards the French doors which led onto the beach.

So now I turned off the water and dried myself with one of the fluffy white towels. Enjoying the feel of the warm, tropical air on my skin I walked into the dressing room which came off the ensuite - where Edward had put our bags. I knew Alice had bought me a whole new wardrobe for the honeymoon, and now, as I sorted through the suitcase I realised it consisted of mainly bikinis and lacey, barely-there lingerie. I smiled as I looked at the brightly coloured assortment and instead opened the small carry-on bag that I'd had with me on the plane. I reached inside and pulled out _my own_ choice for my wedding night.

Alice couldn't see me anymore, my future had vanished from her sight altogether and this irritated her and concerned Edward, but in some ways I felt a sense of freedom. There were some things I wanted to be private.

I'd chosen a gown of ivory silk, plain and simple, with delicate shoulder straps and no lace. I slipped it on over my head, deciding not to bother with the matching underwear. The gown was well cut so that it sat smoothly over my shape without being tight - the neck line dipped into a soft v-shape that showed just a touch of cleavage. It didn't broadcast what was beneath, but made hints and suggestions instead. I thought Edward would like it.

I quickly dried my hair and fluffed it up as best I could. I knew that he liked it out so I let it flow around my shoulders. I looked in the full-length mirror and smiled as the butterflies started.

Tonight wouldn't be our first time, but it would be our first time as husband and wife and that held a deep significance of its own. Tonight would be the affirmation of the vows we'd made to each other. I took a deep breath and walked into the bedroom.

The lights were off but Edward had lit candles which bathed the room in a soft, warm light that was enchanting. The sheets on the bed had been turned down.

He wasn't there, but his shirt lay crumpled over the back of the chair in the corner. I walked to the French doors and looked out. In the branches of a palm tree I could see the rest of his clothes hanging, moving slightly in the breeze. My heart started racing and I looked towards the water. He was there, standing waist deep in the water, his hands flat on its surface. His naked back was beautiful, strong. The moonlight gave a silver shimmer to his skin and the drops of water that glistened across his shoulders and in his hair. I swallowed and stepped out onto the sand.

I knew he would hear me approach as my feet moved softly over the sand, but he didn't turn. When I stopped close to the waters edge, he spoke.

"The water is very warm. I wondered if you'd like to take a midnight swim with me."

He turned slowly then and his eyes widened when he saw me.

"I would, but I can't swim in this." I spoke softly and ran my hand slowly down the side of the gown.

"Er, no. You can't."

I wasn't sure what to do. Should I go and change into a bikini? But as he sucked in a slow breath at the sight of my hand moving over my body, a warm rush pulsed through me and suddenly I knew what I wanted to do. I just hoped I could make it look good.

The warm breeze was gentle and I could feel it moving the silk of the gown, moulding it a little against the curves of my body. I noticed the movement of Edward's throat as he swallowed. Hard.

"You look very beautiful." His voice was low and deep. The warm rush became a burn.

I smiled and very slowly lifted my hand and pushed a delicate silk strap off my shoulder.

Edward's eyes narrowed, his fingers flexing on the surface of the water. I stayed still, my heart pounding. Then after a moment I lifted my other hand and, even more slowly, slid the remaining strap away, this time letting my fingers brush over my skin. The gown dropped slightly, the straps hanging loose on my arms, the neckline revealing a little more of my breasts, putting a bit more cleavage on display. Edward's tongue ran over his lips and he lifted one hand, running it through his wet hair.

Carefully, so I didn't fumble, I pulled one arm free of its limp strap, then repeated the same motion with the other arm. The gown dropped a little lower. Now my breasts were barely holding it up. It would only take the slightest movement and it would fall. Just the gentlest arching of my back and it would drop.

Edward was transfixed.

And I arched.

The gown slid down, revealing my breasts and stomach, but it stopped at my hips and sat there, loosely. That hadn't been part of the plan, but I would make it work for me. For Edward.

I saw, and heard, him take a deep breath and let it out slowly. One hand was still clutched tight in his hair. I smiled and put my fingers on my hips, ready to push the silk the rest of the way down.

"Wait."

My fingers stilled as I wondered why he wanted me to stop. He took a breath and his voice was rough when he spoke.

"I want to do that."

And Edward came out of the ocean.

I'd seen Edward naked twice before. That perfect day in the meadow, lying on the rug beside me, and then the next morning in his room, as we lay in his bed.

But never like this.

He came towards me, water rippling away from his body with the power of each stride, and if I'd thought he was beautiful before, now I knew the truth.

He was magnificent.

The burn that had been pulsing through me became a fire. My heart was slamming in my chest as he approached me across the sand, my skin tingling as I took him in, watching the way the muscles of his body moved and flexed as he walked. His eyes were dark and his jaw was tight as he stopped just in front of me. His breath was coming fast but his hands were slow as he lifted them to place gently on my face. For a long moment he stared into my eyes, his own brilliant with desire. And love. Then he bent his head to mine. It seemed to take an eternity for our lips to touch. My eyes closed and at first I was aware of his closeness, the charge between us intensifying as he drew nearer. Then I felt his cool breath wash over me, his scent surrounding me. And finally, his lips touched mine, their smoothness pressing tenderly as they moved slowly, telling me of his love. And as I kissed him back, parting my lips for him, his hands left my cheeks and ran gently down my arms, leaving a fire in their wake, finally linking his fingers with mine.

For a while we stood like that, holding hands and kissing in the moonlight. My thumb moved over the metal band on his finger and my heart skipped. Then slowly he let go and his fingers moved to my ribs, running them lightly over the skin there, tracing spirals with his thumbs that moved lower until finally they were resting on the silk that was barely hanging on over my hips. Slowly he lowered himself down onto his knees, keeping his fingers in place, and looked up at me through long lashes. I smiled and ran my hand through his hair, my fingers over his lips. He smiled back, kissing my fingertips. Then, very slowly, Edward eased the silk down, his hands guiding it smoothly over my hips and thighs, finally releasing it and letting it drop in a soft, shiny puddle on the sand.

He sighed and his fingers caressed the back of my legs. He made long strokes, up and down, barely touching my skin. His eyes never left mine.

My eyes closed and I gripped his shoulders as his hands travelled up and over the swell of my bottom. My fingers played gently in his hair as I tried to calm my breathing.

Then Edward stood up, but his hands stayed on their path. From the small of my back he brought them around to my ribs. I opened my eyes and watched his hands as they continued, lightly, softly, on to my breasts where the tenderness of his caress made me moan. I let my head fall back and my hands clutched at him as he brought his face to mine and kissed me, slow and deep.

His arms went around me then, pressing me to him, and my body ignited when I felt the strength of his desire against me.

His face pulled back a little and he looked at me with eyes intense and deep. He lifted his hands and placed them gently on my cheeks, thumbs gently caressing my skin, as his forehead rested against mine.

"To love, honour and cherish," he breathed. "All the days of my life."

He lifted me into his arms and carried me back to the house.

Sunlight was streaming in through the huge expanse of glass that made up the bedroom windows. I opened my eyes and saw rainbow prisms dancing on Edward's chest where my head lay. I smiled and lifted my face to look into his. He was smiling too.

"Good morning," he said softly and ran the backs of his fingers over my cheek.

"Mm, yes it is." I grinned and then playfully nibbled on his skin beneath me. He sucked in a breath and I laughed as I lay my head back down. His fingers played in my hair.

"How do you feel?" he asked quietly.

Memories of the night before floated through my mind. Each gentle touch. The incredible tenderness as his body moved with mine. The love, declared in whispers, moans and sighs. I smiled and closed my eyes.

"Perfect."

A soft, satisfied growl rumbled through his chest and vibrated against my cheek. Then his hand that was resting on my back moved slowly until it found my tummy. I looked up and he raised an eyebrow in question.

"We're both perfect. You can _put your concerns to rest_, Edward."

He grinned and looked a little smug. "We never did take that swim."

"There's always tonight ... or now?"

Both eyebrows went up this time. "Before breakfast?"

I nodded and lifted myself into a sitting position. The sheet was tangled around us loosely.

"Why not?"

"Because then it won't be a midnight swim." He sat up and kissed me softly before flopping back on the pillows, smirking. I responded with a roll of my eyes and he laughed.

"So how long can we stay here?" I wasn't sure if I meant the bed or the island.

He was lying now with his arms behind his head, chest bare, staring at me with amber eyes, bronze hair tumbling over his forehead. I was pretty sure I meant the bed.

"Well, I'd like us to stay indefinitely, but, given recent developments ... ," his hand reached out and rested on my tummy gently. "I think it's probably better if we limit our time to two weeks."

I frowned. "Can't we stay longer than that?. I'm fine ... good. Great." I smiled and threw my arms wide, somehow thinking that would prove how good I felt and make him change his mind. He let his eyes appreciate me and he smiled shyly.

"Oh, I know that," he said.

But then he became more serious. "I don't want to be too far from medical attention for too long." He reached out for me and pulled me down with him onto the pillows. "I know Alice's vision shows a happy outcome, but we still don't know how this pregnancy will progress. I don't know what it will mean for you." His voice had become quiet and he'd curled himself around the back of me, hugging me to him tightly. I stroked his hands clasped around my middle.

"You know everything will be alright, Edward." My voice was gentle and I felt him nod behind me.

"I know."

Feather kisses started trailing over the back of my neck and I felt the now familiar warmth starting to travel through me. I pressed my body into his.

"We almost didn't come here at all," he murmured as his lips stayed busy on my skin.

"Really?"

I felt another nod. "I thought it was too risky, too far away from help if you needed it. We were going to spend a chaste two weeks in Canada instead."

What? Did he say Canada, and _chaste_? I knew my eyebrows had just shot off my forehead.

"What changed your mind?"

"Carlisle." His lips continued on their mission. "He convinced me you were strong and healthy, and the baby too, as far as we can tell, and that it would be safe for me to bring you here for a while." Now his tongue joined his lips, sucking on the skin below my ear. "And his comment the day of the ultrasound ... ,"

"Yes?"

"Letting me know it would be safe for me to love you the way I want to."

My heart melted at that point. Must remember to buy Carlisle a thank you gift.

"So instead of Canada we're having an un-chaste, two weeks on a tropical island." His kisses started travelling over my shoulder and his hands started wandering.

"I'm glad you listened to him."

"So am I." He moved himself over me so he could reach my lips ... just as my stomach decided to make itself heard.

Edward chuckled as I groaned. He gave me one more kiss and got out of the bed, pulling on some cargo shorts as he headed for the kitchen.

But my body _did _start to change. By the middle of the second week I was tiring easily and our explorations of the island, its rainforests and waterfalls, were becoming shorter. Soon, we were staying closer and closer to the house. And I developed a fierce craving for eggs - Edward had to send to the mainland for more. I'd also started feeling very warm, not just from the tropical climate, but from within. It wasn't unpleasant, just ... warm.

I woke one morning feeling hotter than usual. I turned over looking for Edward, but he was gone. Then I remembered. He'd left the night before to go hunting on the mainland, hoping to be back before I'd wake. I knew how nervous he was about leaving me.

The sun was just creeping into the sky - he would be back soon. I smiled and went to get up but my head started swimming. Then, a wave of nausea hit me and I ran for the bathroom.

And that's where Edward found me a moment later. I hadn't even heard him return. The first I knew was when cool, gentle fingers pulled my hair back from my face as I hunched over the toilet while another hand rubbed slowly over my back. When I was done I sat back on my heels and Edward pulled me gently against his chest as he sat on the floor behind me. I leaned my head back on his shoulder.

"Morning sickness?" His voice was soft.

I nodded slowly. "I guess so."

"I'm sorry."

"What for?"

"I don't want you to be sick."

I tried a smile and tried to stand up. "It's all part of it."

Edward helped me to my feet and I went and brushed my teeth.

"I shouldn't have left you."

I rolled my eyes and turned to him, speaking with a mouth full of toothpaste.

"Yuu rrr eree."

He smiled. "In English, please?"

I spat and rinsed. "I said, you were thirsty. You need to eat, Edward. And speaking of eating... ,"

Edward raised an eyebrow. "Eggs?"

"Yes, please."

He chuckled and turned to head for the kitchen. I grabbed an elastic from the counter and started pulling my hair into a high ponytail. Much cooler. I was wearing my undies and a loose tank top and the top rode up, exposing my middle as I worked my hair. I tugged it back down again and turned to follow Edward. But he hadn't moved. He still stood in the doorway, eyes wide, mouth slightly open.

"What?"

"Bella ... look."

His eyes were rivetted on my belly. He took his hands from his pockets and approached me slowly, carefully, like I'd startle and run if he moved too fast.

I looked down at myself as he lifted up my top a little and tentatively rested his hands on my belly. He held them still for a moment and then moved them slowly up and down over the skin. He raised his eyes to me and they were shining.

"Feel." He took my hand and placed it on my stomach then moved it slowly up and down.

I gasped. There was a bump. Well, not quite a bump yet, more of a gentle swell, but it was there.

"It's not a smudge anymore," I whispered.

"No," Edward grinned. "It's not."

He got down on his knees and pressed his face against me.

"Hello?" he said softly and I laughed as he pressed his lips to my skin.

It became our new morning routine. I'd get up, feel dizzy and end up with my head in the toilet while Edward held my hand, or my hair, or rubbed my back.

"Your scent is changing," he said on the third day as we sat sprawled on the bathroom floor again.

"How?"

He shrugged. "It's a little more concentrated now. More potent."

I frowned. That was bad. "Will that make it hard for you to be around me?"

"Nothing could make it hard to be around you, Bella."

"You know what I mean." I rolled my eyes, twisting around between his legs to look at him. He stroked my cheek with his finger, then moved his hand, pushing my hair back from my shoulder. He leaned in close and drew his nose up my neck, over the pulse beating against the skin and along my jawbone, inhaling deeply.

"No, it's not hard," he said softly, smiling.

I sighed.

"Will you still want me when I'm fat and have swollen ankles?"

"I can't wait until you're fat and have swollen ankles." He kissed my neck and I laughed. I believed him.

I knew that every night, while I was sleeping, Edward would spend some of the time on his laptop trying to find a lead on my unusual pregnancy. Back in Forks Carlisle was doing the same. He'd contacted the Denali and Irish covens, but they only knew the same awful incubus legends that we were already familiar with.

I woke one night to see Edward sitting at the foot of the bed in front of the laptop again, the feint light from its screen casting a soft glow over his face. He turned to me slowly.

"Sorry, did I wake you?" He moved up the bed beside me.

"I don't think so. I'm just hot." He ran his hand over my forehead and down over my cheek. His icy skin felt good and I leaned into his palm. He pulled me closer, lifting my tank top over my head and pressing my bare back against his chest, giving me the full benefit of his inbuilt cooling system.

"Found anything?" My voice was sleepy and he kissed my hair.

"No, still looking." He blew a breath across the back of my neck.

As I began to drift off again my mind wandered back to the night he'd caught me at the computer, googling him. And the night I'd caught him looking up the rocking horse. A sleepy smile crossed my lips. Then as my thoughts kept tumbling around in my half-conscious state, a new idea emerged, pushing its way forward to the front of my brain. My eyes opened and I stared out the window at the beach, as if looking at a fixed point would help consolidate my idea. It did.

"Edward, you're looking for incidents of humans mating with vampires, right?"

"Mm."

"And Carlisle has asked the Deanli and Irish covens if _they _know of any vampires mating with humans?"

"Yes."

"What if we're looking at it from the wrong end?"

I twisted around to see him. He had an eyebrow cocked and a half smile on his lips.

"The wrong end?" There was a laugh in his voice.

"Yes, the wrong end." I was fully awake now and sat up. "Maybe we should be looking for the offspring."

He frowned, eyebrows coming together slowly, but he sat up.

"Go on."

I took a breath and collected my thoughts. Again.

"Maybe there are stories about kids with, I don't know, super strength or speed, or unusual eye colour. And people just think it's a freak of nature ... ," I cringed as I said it. "But really, its because they're half vampire, half human."

Edward didn't move. I knew that look - he was processing. I waited.

After a moment he blinked twice.

"Bella ... ,"

"Yes?"

"You're the smartest person I know." He kissed me, hard, then got up and grabbed his phone.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm calling Carlisle. I'm going to let him know we've been looking at it all wrong."

* * *

At first it seemed strange to be back in Forks, going from the sultry heat of the island to autumn in the overcast little town. But it was home, and the cooler weather helped with my new internal temperature. And I was with Edward. I was happy.

Carlisle had agreed with my theory about the research and he and Edward had changed the direction of their investigations. Once again they'd contacted the Denali's, and the Irish coven, hoping maybe this new angle might spark some answers. But so far, nothing.

I sat on a stool in the Cullen kitchen while Edward assembled a hot chocolate machine on the bench. A small crease of concentration appeared between his eyebrows as he fitted one stainless steel pipe into another. They slid together effortlessly under the easy guidance of his fingers and he smiled.

"I think I'll be able to replicate the hot chocolate from _Le Café_ very closely, if not exactly. This is the same machine that they use."

I nodded and looked at the two large containers of cocoa which sat on the counter, still in their plastic wrapping with the import and customs labels attached.

"And the cocoa?""From the Netherlands. It's the best I could find."

I nodded again. I'd been too stunned to say or do much since the delivery van arrived half an hour earlier.

"You know, Edward, it would have been cheaper and easier to buy a packet of hot chocolate powder from the Thrift Way." He turned to me and raised a single eyebrow. "Or perhaps not," I murmured.

"I wouldn't worry about it, Bella." Rosalie joined us. "This _is_ the cheaper option."

I looked at her, puzzled.

"Rose." Edward's voice had a warning tone but she just gave him a smirk as she bent down and whispered in my ear, knowing he would still hear her.

"It was this or he was going to buy a _Le Café_ franchise and set it up in Forks." She sat herself on the stool opposite me. My head snapped around to Edward. His face was blank, a mask, giving nothing away.

"Edward, you ... ," I stopped. I was going to ask him if he really had been prepared to buy a coffee shop franchise just to keep me in hot chocolate. I decided I didn't want to know.

I shook my head and looked again at the fancy machine, all shiny and silver - like his Volvo. I started smiling.

Buying the hot chocolate machine was ridiculous, but he loved me and this was within his means to do. If I really thought about it, I'd do the same thing for him if the situation was reversed. For Edward, there was nothing I _wouldn't_ do, and I supposed that included accepting his gifts - even if they were expensive and unnecessary.

"This is wonderful, Edward. Thank you."

His smile lit up his face as he screwed the nozzle into place.

"You're very welcome." Then he smirked as he heard my heart rate pick up, the way it always did when I saw that smile.

"How do you feel about rabbits and carrots?" Alice danced into the kitchen and placed a catalogue on the bench as she pulled up the stool next to me.

"Rabbits … what?"

Rosalie pulled the catalogue over in front of her and looked.

"Not bad," she said, nodding her head. "It's better than the Angel Suite."

I rolled my eyes, now I understood.

We'd only arrived home from Isle Esme two days before and Alice had been at us ever since about the theme for the nursery.

As a gift, Esme was restoring an abandoned stone cottage for us in the forest behind the Cullens' house and part of the renovation was, now, the addition of a nursery.

Alice had a folder full of baby furniture catalogues, web site print outs and paint swatches. I'd only been pregnant a month, we thought there were probably at least six more to go, there shouldn't be a hurry, but this wasn't a race against time – this was a race against Alice. If we didn't make a decision soon she'd go ahead without us and we'd end up with the Angel Suite. I shuddered at the memory of the pictures she'd shown us the day before. A white cot with very tall ends, ornately decorated with carvings and scroll work, silk ruffles falling from beneath and spreading elegantly onto the floor – just waiting to trip me up. It came with a matching chest of drawers and curtains. It was hideous.

Alice pulled the catalogue back from Rosalie and put it in front of me.

"Here," she said pointing.

The Carrot and Bunny Canopy Crib. It did have a canopy, a very tall one, complete with frilled edges. The ends were decorated with ornate pictures of bunnies in a field of carrots and again there was a ruffle at the base. Was it better than the Angel Suite? I wasn't sure.

"Um, I don't know, Alice." It really, _really_, wasn't my style, but she was so excited.

Edward looked across at the picture.

"No, Alice."

"How can you dismiss it so quickly, Edward? You barely looked!"

"Look at the canopy." He pointed at the page. "That crib would completely overwhelm the room."

Alice screwed up her mouth, thinking. "Maybe you're right." She flicked over the page. "What about this?"

"I like that." Rosalie leaned across the counter, looking.

The Sleigh Crib. It had rolled ends, like a double-ended sleigh, it had less carvings but there were still silk ruffles. I was frowning and Edward was shaking his head as his fingers effortlessly sliced through the shrink-wrap plastic on the tins of cocoa.

"Don't worry, we'll find something." Alice sounded determined as she flicked ahead a few pages and pointed again.

"Alice, it's _round._"

"I know!" Her eyes were twinkling. "It's different isn't it? It's designed to give the baby a full view of its surroundings. No?"

"No."

She shrugged and turned the page, her face lighting up again. "This is my favourite!"

My mouth dropped open.

"It's a carriage?" Yes, it was. The Fairy Princess was a pale pink cot in the shape of a carriage complete with non-moving wheels.

"Yes! And if it's a boy … ," she turned the next page triumphantly.

"The Stagecoach?"

She nodded enthusiastically then saw my face. "Too much?"

"Um, I think so."

She started flicking through the pages quickly then. "Maybe if we go for something simpler," she murmured.

I rolled my eyes at Edward and he winked at me as he put his arm around me and pulled me close. I turned back to Alice, still searching through the catalogue. As the pages fanned past something caught my eye.

"Wait, go back." My hand flashed out to stop her.

It was simple. White, normal size and shape and no ruffles or pictures. There was some very modest scroll work on the ends, fine and delicate. I looked at the name underneath.

"The Lullaby Crib," I read softly.

Edward moved from my side to stand behind me and wrapped both his arms around my middle. I turned my head to look at him and he smiled down at me.

"It's perfect," he said softly and I felt his lips against my hair.

I grinned and turned back to Alice as his arms squeezed gently.

"We'll go with this one."

I thought Alice might protest that it wasn't fancy or different enough, but she picked up the pen that was clipped to the front cover and drew a circle around the picture.

"I'll order it now," she was all business. "Or would you like to look at prams first? And ... ,"

"Actually, Alice … " Edward's hands were rubbing over my belly as he spoke. "There's an excellent store in Seattle. I was thinking that Bella and I could go there next week to have a look. Just the two of us." He looked down at me, eyes twinkling.

My mouth stretched into a smile and I looked back at Alice who was obviously about to say something. But then she closed her mouth as she hopped off the stool and headed for the computer.

"Edward, how do you know there's an excellent store in Seattle?" His hands stilled and I turned in his arms to look at him. "You're researching more than vampire myths, aren't you?" I was grinning as he shrugged. He reached up and tucked a strand of hair behind my ear as he leant his head to one side, his golden eyes melting into mine.

"What can I say, Bella?" he sighed as he gave me his crooked smile and lowered his face to whisper in my ear. "I'm excited."

My grin bubbled into giggles and I put my arms around his neck and hugged him. Hard.

"Me too," I whispered back and he squeezed me a little harder.

I pulled away when I felt a yawn starting and I tried to stifle it.

"Tired?" His hands started massaging over my ribs and moved up to my shoulders.

"Mm, yes." No point denying it.

"Why don't you go upstairs and I'll bring you a hot chocolate? I don't think it'll take me too long to get the machine working."

"Mm, no, I think I'll just sit in the living room and read." I smiled up at him.

"Then I'll bring it to you there," he whispered and kissed me.

I hopped off the stool.

"Hey, Bella! Can I touch?" Emmet came through the door and reached out his hands, raising his eyebrows in question.

"Sure," I grinned at him.

I stood still as he very gently put his hands on my tummy, feeling the small bump there.

Beside me, I was aware of Edward's eyes focused closely on Emmet's hands.

"Wow." Emmet pulled his hands away, beaming. "Hey, look what I got today."

He opened his shirt and I burst out laughing as Edward grinned and rolled his eyes. Rosalie just shook her head and smiled.

"World's Greatest Uncle, eh?"

"Absolutely! And I got one for Jasper, too. Where is he?"

"He's taken the Porsche to get new tyres." Rosalie shook her head as Emmet headed for the living room. "I've never known anyone to go through tyres like Alice does. Except for you, Edward."

She shot him a look and he responded with a raised eyebrow.

"That was a long time ago, Rose. Ask Bella, she'll tell you how I keep to the speed limit these days."

"Guh!" I nearly choked as Emmet bounced back in, holding up an identical grey t-shirt with black printing. Well, almost identical.

"World's _Second_ Greatest Uncle. Mm." I laughed as I hugged him. "They're great, Emmet."

A few minutes later Edward climbed over the back of the sofa and slid down beside me, holding a steaming mug in his hand.

"Here, try this." He held out the mug.

I took it from him and blew gently across the top before taking a mouthful. He was watching me expectantly.

"Is it as good?"

I pursed my lips, pretending to consider. "Mm, no. It's not."

"No?" His eyebrows shot up in surprise, then came crashing down in a frown. "I must have the milk to water ratio wrong," he murmured. "Or maybe not enough sugar." He reached out to take the mug. "I'll try again."

I laughed and held it out of his reach and the surprised look came back.

"Bella?"

"It's not as good, Edward ... it's _even better._"

His eyes narrowed and he carefully took the mug from my hand and placed it on the coffee table. What was he doing?

"Edward?"

He leaned in and grabbed me, very gently tumbling me down on the sofa, grinning and making a playful non-contact nip at my throat. I gasped, surprised, then started giggling.

"Okay, okay, I know, you've told me before ... you're a very terrifying monster. I shouldn't tease you."

He sat me up, still grinning. "Good. I'm glad we've got that clear," and he smoothly pulled me into his lap with one hand while he pushed back his hair with the other.

"Can I finish my drink now?"

Edward smirked as he reached over, picked up my mug and handed it to me. I changed position so I was sitting alongside him and he pulled my legs up so my feet were resting in his lap. He took off my shoes and his cool hands began massaging my feet, making smooth circles over the skin and pressing gently into the flesh.

"All done. The Lullaby Crib will be here in ten days." Alice was grinning at us over the computer screen.

"Ten days? Where are we going to put it?" I had visions of Edward's room stacked high with baby furniture.

"It's okay, Bella. It comes unassembled in a box. When the nursery's finished Edward can put it together like he did the chocolate machine."

Edward smiled. "I'm becoming quite the home handyman, aren't I?"

"I'll buy you a tool belt." I smirked at him and he laughed.

"Bella, while I'm on the computer, there are some lovely nursery themes you really should look at." I could tell from Alice's tone she wasn't nearly finished with us yet. "There's an underwater theme, jungle animals ... children like animals."

"Alice ... ," Edward's voice was kind but firm.

"But ... ,"

"Alice," he twisted around to look at her. "You had the wedding," he turned back to me and smiled. "This one's ours.

A warm rush washed through me at Edward's words and I winked at him over the mug as an idea come to me.

"Alice, I think I'll be needing new clothes soon," I rubbed my hand over my bump. "Do you think you could ... ," I didn't get to finish my sentence as her disappointment gave way to a delighted squeal and she buried herself in the keyboard.

Edward leant across to me. "_Definitely,_ the smartest person I know," he whispered as his lips touched mine softly. Suddenly, he pulled back and looked to the front door.

"Jasper has something for us."

"I stopped at the post office," Jasper announced casually as he came in. The Cullens gathered around and Alice took her Vogue catalogue and disappeared upstairs with Jasper while Emmet and his GameZone magazine returned to the kitchen with Rosalie. Edward came back to the sofa with a thick, cream envelope and sat beside me.

"Its from the Irish coven," he said quietly. He didn't move to open it, but just stared at it in his hands. My heart started to race as I realised what this probably was. News. Information. Information that could tell us something about our baby - about this pregnancy. I noticed Edward was moving his teeth back and forth over his lip, chewing on it.

Edward had been searching for information, needing to know that the reality of our situation would match the happiness of Alice's vision. The vision of him smiling, holding a baby. The vision he asked her to show him over and over again, every day.

I realised then that we had been living in a happy little baby bubble, all based on that vision. We had centered all our excitement, our happiness and plans around it. It was important, but it was only a very small part of the picture. It didn't tell us what the future would hold for our baby, or me. All the little concerns and worries that had been dancing around the edge of our happiness suddenly came out front and centre. I just hoped our baby bubble wasn't about to burst.

I put my hand on Edward's arm and squeezed. He looked up at me, and his eyes were frightened as he gave me a shaky smile and nodded.

With a single, graceful stroke of his finger he slit open the envelope and pulled out two cream coloured pages. He held the letter so we both could see, but the many rows of tight, curly writing were difficult to read and I couldn't make out many words.

_Russia, transformation, wrong, healthy, died, human, help _

"From Siobahn," Edward murmured before his lips closed in a hard line. His eyes narrowed as he scanned the pages quickly. My heart was racing now as I tried to make out more words, unsuccessfully. A second later the pages dropped from Edward's fingers and floated to the floor. His face was still, quiet, his eyes staring at the papers at his feet. My heart was hammering in my chest as he leant forward and ran both hands through his hair.

"Edward?''

Suddenly he pulled me to him and crashed his lips into mine. The intensity of it surprised me and I gasped. He pulled away and sighed, stroking my face as he looked into my eyes. His were shining, jubilant. "Bella, love ... it's good news ... wonderful news." He hugged me again before getting off the sofa so he could sit on the floor and rest his head in my lap, sighing as his face nuzzled my belly. My head was reeling, from both his kiss and his exclamation.

"Wh ... is ... ," I was struggling, not knowing what question to ask first. "Tell me!"

But instead he lifted his head, eyes brilliant, and kissed me again.

And all the answers I needed were there. In that kiss.

Relief and joy flowed through him into me. The tension that had been underlying his happiness was gone.

He broke away a moment later and rested his forehead against mine.

"So, are you going to give me the details?" I was breathless.

He nodded. "I will."

He stood and lifted me into his arms as he breathed softly against my ear.

"Upstairs."


	15. Chapter 15: Surprises and Soap Suds

**All things Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended.**

* * *

We'd been celebrating. Just the two of us. Soft music filled our room and I was in Edward's arms as the gentle rhythm and lilting harmony surrounded us. My head rested on his bare chest, smiling, listening to the contented rumble deep within as his hands roamed over my naked back, caressing, loving.

The rumble became words.

"You never doubted, did you?"

I sighed. "Not really. I mean, I had some concerns, but it's just always felt ... right. Did you? Doubt, I mean."

He hesitated. "Not _doubt_. It was more that I like to _know._"

I snorted. "The mythical creature needs proof."

His smile was there in his voice. "The irony doesn't escape me, Bella." His hands pressed me closer to him and he kissed me softly. "Lets go tell the others. They've been wondering about the letter since it arrived and I can hear them trying not to listen."

Carlisle and Esme had joined the rest of the Cullens in the living room. They were trying to appear casual as we came down the stairs - Edward's arm clamped firmly around my waist. He held up the letter.

"From Siobahn," he grinned at their expectant faces. "Good news."

And at those two words, excitement erupted and it was all laughter and hugs and questions as Carlisle motioned for us all to gather around the table.

"Will you read it, Edward?" he asked, smiling, and everyone was quiet.

_Dear Edward,_

_Firstly, we would like to congratulate you and your bride on your recent marriage and the impending birth of your child - both happy and, unexpected, events._

A murmur of assent went around the table. Edward smiled at me and I was grinning. Definitely agreed with that one.

_Although we were unable to help with Carlisle's original request for information on human/vampire unions, we have something to offer regarding your search for humans with unusual features or abilities._

I could feel the tension growing around us. Everyone seemed to be leaning a little closer over the table.

_In 1928 while travelling with Liam and Maggie, we met a small coven in Russia. We realised almost immediately that one of their number was different. His beating heart was the first thing that alerted us as we approached, though its rhythm was slower than a human's. Initially, we thought we might have arrived during a meal, but the scent of his blood held no appeal at all, for any of us. We discovered then, that he was actually a member of the coven._

Emmett's eyebrows shot up. "Whoa, wouldn't that be embarrassing, the guests eating the ... "

But Edward saw ahead into his thoughts.

"Um, Emmett ... ," there was just the slightest edge to his voice and Emmett stopped immediately and shrugged.

"Just saying ... it _would_ be embarrassing."

"Oh, let Edward finish." Rosalie elbowed her husband in the ribs.

Now Edward's eyebrows shot up.

"I think that's the first time I've ever heard you say that, Rose," he smirked and she made a face at him in return.

"Aargh!" Alice started pummeling her dainty feet against the floor. "Are you going to tell us the rest or not?"

"Sorry." Edward looked back at the page.

_He was a young man and intelligent, but his senses, while sharper than a human's, were not those of a vampire. He was fast, but not vampire speed. His strength was remarkable and much greater than a human's. His eyes were blue and he was fair, but the blood flowing in his veins gave colour to his skin which was hard and smooth, like that of our kind._

_We didn't speak with him very much, he was shy, but obviously comfortable within the coven. At the time we wondered if perhaps his transformation had gone wrong somehow, but we didn't ask questions, it would have seemed rude._

"Can that happen?" Jasper asked and everyone turned to Carlisle. I'd asked Edward the same thing when we'd read it upstairs. He hadn't been sure.

Carlisle's brow creased in concentration.

"I've not heard of it happening, but I suppose anything's possible. I imagine that for Siobahn, at the time, it would have seemed the only explanation, however unlikely."

Everyone nodded in agreement and Edward continued.

_When we heard from you and Carlisle again, we thought immediately of this young man. We have honoured your request to be discreet and to avoid your news reaching the ears of Italy, we have contacted the coven on your behalf. Please rest assured, we have not identified you, your family or location, and the coven have asked for the same discretion in return. Therefore, I cannot reveal to you the name of the young man, or any of the coven members, nor their exact location. In offering this guarantee to the coven leader he has provided us with information which we think will answer your questions and certainly put your minds at ease._

"Is she going to get to the point?" Rosalie's nails were tapping impatiently on the polished wood.

Edward smirked. "Almost there, Rose."

_The young man lives almost entirely in the human world now, returning to the coven only on occasions, but the coven leader has confirmed that his mother was human and his father a vampire._

A soft gasp went around the table. I saw Esme's hand grip Carlisle's.

_And I am sure you will be eager to know that she delivered him naturally and safely after a pregnancy of similar style and duration to a human one, if perhaps a little shorter. The baby appeared human in all respects, though his skin was a little firmer and his heart rate slower. He even fed well and thrived at his mother's breast. The mother suffered no ill-effects as a result of the pregnancy, continued to live a healthy, human life and I am told she was very old when she died._

There was a collective sigh of relief. Esme clapped her hands to her chest, smiling. Alice just clapped her hands. Rosalie smiled and it was warm and genuine. Jasper and Emmett high-fived each other and Carlisle's smile was stretched across his face as he leaned over to rest his hand on Edward's shoulder.

Edward turned back to the page as the excitement and relief swelled around us.

"She delivered him naturally and safely." He read it again, quietly, to himself this time. He was smiling and his hand reached for mine, his eyes still on the words.

"Is there more?" Esme asked and Edward nodded.

_The coven leader told us that the child grew and developed at a normal, human rate until he reached maturity around the age of eighteen. The vampire features which were present in mild form from birth, developed and strengthened as he grew. Although it is unlikely that he is immortal, the aging process is slow for him. He was born around 1863, reached maturity roughly eighteen years later, but appeared to be in his early twenties when we met him in 1928. I believe he doesn't look very much older now._

"A life time of around two thousand years," Jasper whispered. Edward had done the maths for me upstairs - my mental arithmetic couldn't compete with vampire brains.

_Interestingly, he is venomous although the smell of blood, human or animal, is unappealing to him and he eats human food. But the venom is weak and exposure to the blood stream will cause pain and temporary paralysis in humans and animals but is not lethal._

_The coven knows of one other like him. A girl, somewhere in Hungary. I don't know any of her circumstances, but I am told she has the same mix of human and vampire features._

_The coven leader would not disclose any details about the man's parents, or how his birth came to be, but I imagine that that information is not necessary to your enquiry._

_Edward, we hope this has been helpful to you and your wife and we wish you great happiness. Please pass on our regards to Carlisle and we hope someday to meet the new additions to your family._

_Siobahn_

"Wonderful news," Carlisle was beaming almost as brightly as Edward. Esme got up and came to hug me, then Edward. My face was starting to hurt from all my smiling but I didn't care. Our baby wasn't going to have red eyes, or horns or fangs or any of the other nightmare features depicted in the myths and legends. It wouldn't tear itself from my body with sharp claws and my pregnancy wasn't going to kill me.

"It certainly answers a lot of questions." Edward let out a breath as he passed the letter across to Carlisle.

"So will the baby be born in the hospital, then?" Alice asked me suddenly.

"Oh, er, I don't think ... I ... don't know. Um, Carlisle ... ?" I looked towards him.

"That's something we can discuss privately, later, if you'd prefer, Bella?" He glanced at Edward, who was looking at me. This was my call.

I shook my head. "No, I'm happy to talk about it here." I looked to Edward and he smiled. After all, this baby's arrival would effect all of us.

"Alright. Well, I _have_ been thinking about that," he said quietly, smiling at me. "We know now, from this letter and Alice's vision, that you will be safe, Bella, but, with your agreement, I think it might be best if the baby was delivered here. If it has an unusual heart rate or skin tone at birth it might raise awkward questions at the hospital. Even if I'm the delivering doctor, there would be nursing staff involved." He seemed apologetic. "But the decision is entirely yours, Bella. After all, it is your body. But I can promise you excellent care, here at home, if that it what you decide." He smiled again.

I nodded. "I've had enough of hospitals, anyway. I think the baby should be born here. At home." My heart swelled as I said those words - _at home._ Edward raised my hand to his lips and kissed it softly.

We hadn't really discussed birth options before, there hadn't been much point until we knew more about what to expect. But by the sound of it, it seemed that a natural birth was on the cards. After all, they didn't do c-sections in 1863. And if I _did_ need one of those, I was sure Carlisle would be ....

Then my thoughts scattered.

The amniotic sac .... everything pointed to it being hard, like stone, like vampire skin. The waves of the ultra sound could barely penetrate it, and the needle had blunted and bent when Carlisle tried to take a sample of amniotic fluid. My abdomen twitched just at the memory of that.

"But, Carlisle," my voice sounded clear, but distant in my ears as thoughts whirled in my head. Everyone was looking at me. "What happens if I need a c-section? The amniotic sac is hard."

Edward's head snapped around to Carlisle, whose face was serious now.

"Well, right now there is no reason to think a c-section would be necessary. But we have plenty of time to work out what to do if that became the case."

I nodded, considering his words carefully.

"So there'd be a way to get the baby out?"

"We'll start looking into it, Bella. There'll be a way." Edward squeezed my hand. I took a breath and remembered what he told me once.

"But the only thing that cuts through vampire skin is vampire teeth, right?"

"Well, it's the best thing for cutting through, but there are a couple of other possibilities." Edward's face was puzzled. So was everyone else's, obviously wondering where I was going with this. I knew where I was going - and I didn't like it. I tried to stop myself saying it, but I was too late, the words tumbled out before I had a chance.

"You wouldn't have to chew through the sac, then? With you teeth?"

Silence.

Complete, total, utter.

Seven vampire faces staring at me. Blank faces.

I looked down as the blush started coursing across my face, wishing I could just disappear. It was so deep it was making my skin prickle. Then I heard Edward snicker beside me. I looked up and he was trying, hard, to hide the smile that was twisting his lips. Then, Emmett laughed. And Carlisle. Alice, Jasper, Rosalie and Esme. But it wasn't scornful laughter, it was good-natured. Finally, my embarrassment melted away and I joined in.

"Bella, love ... ," Edward wrinkled his nose as he pulled me into a tight hug and kissed my hair. "That's just ... gruesome!"

I was sitting up against the big, feather pillows, my legs stretched out in front of me. Edward lay with his head in my lap, his hands holding the letter above his face. After a moment he put it down and looked up at me, smiling.

"His mother lived. She delivered him safely and she lived." He'd read that line over and over. For Edward, until now my safety had balanced on a smile that he wore in a single vision.

He sighed happily. I ran my hands through his hair, gently making circles over his scalp and he closed his eyes.

"And he lives easily with vampires _and_ humans." My finger traced his lips softly and he kissed it. Outside the sky was dark and I yawned. After the relief and excitement that Siobahn's letter had brought, I felt exhausted.

"Tired, love?"

"Mm, yes."

He sat up, putting his hands on my hips and pulling me down so I was lying flat. He laid beside me and I snuggled into him as another yawn came and went.

"Do you want to sleep? I'll turn the lamp off."

"No, not yet." I smiled. I couldn't see him if it was dark. I reached for his hand and rested it on my belly. He nuzzled his face into my neck as his hand moved under my tank top to make tender circles on the skin.

"Will you write to Siobahn to thank her?"

"Yes, definitely. I'll do it tonight while you're sleeping."

"Tell her thank you from me, too."

"I will."

I yawned again. "I wonder what the story was with the parents."

Edward shrugged. "We'll never know for sure, but maybe it was a situation like ours." His eyes were so soft as he smiled at me. "They loved each other."

And for some reason, the look in his eyes made me blush deeply, something which didn't escape him. We both dropped our eyes, suddenly shy. I couldn't explain why.

"Her comment about Italy, she means the Volturi doesn't she?"

Edward's jaw tensed then, I could see the muscles go tight under his skin. And the eyes that were so soft and tender a moment ago, were now hard.

"I won't lie to you, Bella. I'm sure you realise this baby would be of great interest to Aro and his cronies."

I shuddered a little at the thought and he pulled me to him, tightly.

"What do you think they would do?"

"I don't know." His voice was dark "But it's a mute point ... they'll never find out." There was a finality in his tone now.

"You seem sure about that."

"I am." He moved and sat up. I raised myself onto my elbows, watching him. He stared at me for a moment, eyes intense, deep, then he reached out to cup my cheek with his hand. His thumb glided smoothly over my cheek.

"I promise you now, Bella. The Volturi will never be a threat to you, or our baby. _Never_."

The emotion in his voice and eyes was fierce. And I believed him. I knew, absolutely and without doubt, he would never let anything happen to us. And I felt myself falling in love with him all over again.

He laid back down then, nestling his head this time against my belly while his arms wound around me. He placed some soft kisses against my skin while I played with his hair again. I loved his hair.

"Bella, you know I suggested we go to Seattle next week to look at baby furniture?"

"Mm, yes?"

"Lets go tomorrow."

* * *

_Boutique Bambino _had everything that a baby could need. Everything. And a lot of things a baby didn't need.

We were standing just inside the glass entry doors and we'd been standing there for a few minutes now. Neither of us seemed to know which way to go. Towards the furniture and accessories department, or toys and books, or maybe the clothing or decorator sections.

"Um, what do we need?" I shook my head with no idea where to start.

"Well, we've ordered a crib. I suppose we could start with a mattress and blankets for that." Edward was obviously thinking more clearly than me.

"Okay, good idea."

"Maybe we could just have a look around and get a few ideas. We don't have to buy everything today." He took my hand. "Um, actually, perhaps we could start over here ... with the prams." I rolled my eyes. Of course, anything with wheels.

"Edward, this store is_ really_ expensive." I turned the price tag over to show him and immediately wondered why I'd even bothered to comment.

"Is it?" He smiled and shrugged as he looked at the numbers while he continued to bounce the Promenade Pram up and down, apparently testing the shock absorption and comparing it to its neighbour, the Day Tripper. He just confirmed what I thought the night he ordered the rocking horse - he was a lost cause. And Ididn't think my smile could have been any wider. I loved seeing him so happy. And he seemed pleased that I wasn't going to protest. He let go of the pram and pulled me into a tight hug.

"I'll behave, love, I promise."

Once I'd stopped feeling overwhelmed, I started having fun and our pile of purchases at the counter grew. The pram, a baby seat for the car, mattress and linen for the crib. There were also some maternity clothes for me from the mother's section. The most expensive jeans I had ever bought didn't even have a zipper, but at least the elastic panel would comfortably cover my expanding bump.

"Are you sure we don't need a bath with ergonomically designed grooves to support tiny hips?" Edward was reading the information tag on a one hundred dollar plastic baby bath.

"No, we don't."

He frowned, as though he wasn't sure, but after a moment he nodded and took the blue, basic, plastic tub I handed him. The one that cost twenty nine, ninety five.

"According to Renee I was bathed in the bathroom sink for the first few weeks of my life and my hips are alright."

He bent down to whisper in my ear. "Yes, they are." I starte d giggling as he ran his nose along my jaw.

And the giggling continued a few moments later when Edward saw the Out and About Baby Pouch.

He stood there, arms extended, while I wound the straps around his waist and adjusted the pouch over his chest and stomach. We both knew he could have strapped himself in much more quickly and easily, but it wasn't about that.

"How does that feel? Not uncomfortable?" Straight away I realised the pointlessness of the question. Vampires didn't feel discomfort. I laughed at myself as I stepped back to admire my handiwork - and my heart skipped. Edward, beaming, wearing a baby carrier.

"It feels fine," he was smiling as he pulled open the pouch. "So the baby just rests in here, and I still have my hands free."

"Yeah. Do you want to get one?" I knew I did, and by the look on his face the Out and About Baby Pouch was going to be the baby's permanent home.

"Absolutely," he said, running his hands over the dark blue fabric.

"Edward, you're trying to imagine it aren't you?" I couldn't keep the smile off my face.

He shot me a sheepish grin. "Maybe."

I went to him and put my arms around his waist, hugging hard. He rubbed my back with one hand and picked up the display box with the other, reading it. Almost immediately I could feel him tense.

"What is it?"

"_Designed to use your body heat to keep baby warm as he/she rests snugly against your chest." _I could hear the disappointment in his voice.

I shook my head. I was determined not to let his excitement disappear. "No, Edward. We'll add an extra blanket. Or line it with one of those lambswool liners. Or add a hot water bottle. There are lots of ways around that, you'll see."

I looked up. His golden eyes were shining again, that crooked smile on his lips - the excitement was back. "Yes, you're right. There are lots of ways."

I stepped out of his arms to take another look at him.

"It really suits you, you know," I said and he laughed.

"Can I help you with that? Do you need a hand adjusting the straps." I jumped, startled. A sales assistant with long pink fingernails and sleek blonde hair had approached and I hadn't realised. But I think that might have been part of her plan - her eyes raked over Edward appreciatively as she ignored me. Immediately, Edward closed the gap between us and pulled me into his arms. I could just imagine her thoughts.

"No thank you." Edward's voice was cool as he lifted my hand to his lips, eyes locked on mine. "My wife and I are managing just fine." And he kissed my wedding ring, very pointedly. The assistant, whose name tag said _Mandy_, gave a tight smile.

"Well, let me know if you need anything. Anything at all." She gave me a quick, disbelieving flick of her eyes and walked away. She must have got the message though, because she only looked back at Edward twice.

"Unbelievable," I muttered under my breath. It had been like that all morning. Assistants around every corner offering to help. Other shoppers asking if Edward would like any advice. I understood what it was though. As gorgeous as Edward normally was, now the joy and love radiating out of him made him more of a beacon than ever. His vampire edge was well and truly dulled and the women were flocking.

He bent down and kissed me, letting me feel how loved I was.

"Mm." I rested my head against his chest.

"Come on," he said running his hands over my back. "Lets add the pouch to the pile and then check out the books. The baby will need the classics, Pooh Bear and Peter Rabbit." He gave me his crooked smile and another kiss. I nodded, smiling back - he always knew how to make me feel better.

And Edward kept his promise to behave. Almost.

He only cracked towards the end of the visit when he decided we _needed_ a second pram.

The Overlander. It was a three wheeler with tyres like Emmett's jeep and suspension designed for rugged terrain.

"What about the Day Tripper?" It was already parked over at the counter, waiting for us. I liked the Day Tripper. It had four wheels of normal size and looked like a regular pram. The Overlander looked like it could go on manoeuvres.

"Well ... ," he seemed awkward and wasn't looking at me. "Maybe I could use this one and we could still get the Day Tripper for you."

"Have one each?"

He looked at me then, smiling hopefully. "I don't see why not." And I could tell, he really didn't see. Not at all.

So the pile grew.

"Should we look in the decorator department before we go? Just to see?"

I was starting to feel tired, but I could tell he really wanted to look, and we had come a long way.

"Sure. Lets look."

We wandered over towards an archway bordered by tiny ducks and rabbits. Beyond was a huge space where a dozen, small, sample nurseries were set up. Another archway at the far end led into a room where there were wallpaper samples, stick on wall borders, lamps, rugs and curtains.

"Wow. This is ... amazing." It really was.

We looked at the first nursery. It had pale green walls with a teddy bear theme on the curtains, borders and floor rug. The crib and matching drawers were white.

"What do you think?" he asked.

I nodded. "Maybe. Do you like bears?"

"Mountain lions, remember?" I looked up, shocked, and saw him smirking at me.

"Edward!"

He chuckled and pulled me into a hug. "The bears are fine. Or how about the alphabet? Or ... is that meant to be the Amazon jungle?" Our eyes travelled to the next two sample nurseries.

I nodded. "Maybe."

"Farmyard animals?"

"Mm, no, I don't think so. Gaudy coloured pigs and cows don't do it for me." I let out a breath and shrugged as he chuckled. "We don't have to have a theme, do we? I mean, we could just paint the walls and put the furniture in and that's it, right?"

"We can do that. We can do anything you like, love." He was facing me now, one hand on my hip, the other tucking a strand of hair behind my ear. I smiled and tried to stifle the yawn that was brewing.

"I feel like I've made enough decisions for one day." I could feel the energy draining away and I was starting to feel tired. And hungry. He lifted my hand to his lips and kissed my palm.

"Do you want to get something to eat?"

"Yes, please."

We walked back to the counter to finalise payment. While Edward handed over his credit card and completed the delivery paperwork I wandered over to a set of pale blue bookshelves near the entry doors. The shelves were empty, save for a bear, sitting in the corner of the top shelf. He was the original, classic style of bear, with a snout and short fur and dark, glass button eyes that seemed sad. His paws had leather pads and the name tag around his neck said Mr Billington. In traditional toy bear style he growled when I picked him up and that made me smile.

"I know somebody who sounds just like you," I whispered, stroking his fur. Poor, sad looking bear.

"Have you found a friend?" Edward was beside me, holding a bag of my maternity clothes. I gave a laugh and quickly put Mr Billington back on the shelf.

"No, just looking." I shrugged, putting my hand in his as he glanced at the shelf. He kissed the top of my head as we walked back through the door and headed for lunch.

I snuck a last look at Mr Billington.

* * *

"Happy birthday." Edward's voice was soft in my ear and his lips even softer on my cheek. But still, I felt myself tense. I opened one eye, just slightly, and looked. The room was the same. Shelves, desk, couch, bed. Rocking horse. No big displays, no pile of gifts. No ribbons or balloons or streamers. No grinning vampires waiting to burst into song. At least, not in _this_ room.

"Don't worry, love, I made them promise not to do anything."

I sighed, relieved and sat up. I'd been hoping my birthday would be ignorned. I'd been the centre of attention enough lately and I absolutely didn't want anyone trying to make up for last year's debacle.

Beside me, Edward was wearing his Snoopy t-shirt - that was enough of a present for me. I wondered if he knew that.

He picked up the tray that was waiting for me at the foot of the bed. Steaming cup of hot chocolate, plate of scrambled eggs - mmm, still craved those, and my latest food obsession ... vanilla ice-cream with peanut butter stirred into it. Crunchy peanut butter.

I grinned at him.

"Thank you." I leant over and kissed him. He was all perfect smile and messy hair tumbling into topaz eyes. I sighed. Really, being married to Edward was like having a birthday every day. A _good _birthday.

I turned back to the tray and a parcel had mysteriously appeared between the eggs and the ice cream. A silver box with a blue, silk ribbon tied around it. I frowned. How did he do that?

"Edward, you just told me ... ," he put a finger to my lips.

"I told you the others promised not to do anything. I wasn't including myself in that."

I frowned again and he smiled. That wicked smile that always turned me to jelly.

"Actually, it's not for you, Bella. It's really more for me." Wicked smile and his deep, growly voice. He was bringing out all the ammunition this morning. And I was gone.

I tugged on the ribbon and lifted the shiny silver lid. Inside was something silky and soft and blue. A deep, midnight blue. I freed it from its tissue paper nest and held it up.

"Edward, it's beautiful."

A negligee. Long and elegant it had little capped sleeves, delicately embroidered, and the same embroidery was repeated over the top where it was obviously low cut. Soft, floaty fabric fell loose and free from under the bust line, obviously intended to grace a full, rounded belly.

"Where did you get it? Did Alice choose it?" I stood up from the bed and held it in front of me, in front of the tank top and pyjama shorts I was wearing. Edward had been smiling approvingly but now his face fell just a little.

"Actually, _I_ chose it." He sounded hurt.

"Sorry." I grimaced. "It's just that it's usually Alice ... you know what I mean." I hoped he did as I bit my lip. But he smiled.

"I do know what you mean. But this choice was all mine," he sighed and seemed wistful as he looked at me, the smile still on his face. "I saw this in one of the catalogues that have been lying around the place. I thought it would look beautiful on you."

I swayed a little and watched the skirt float back and forth. I noticed Edward was watching too.

I wasn't much into fashion, I usually dressed for comfort, and two years of Alice had made me even more reluctant to dress up. But for some reason, I had started to like the idea of nice nightwear. And Edward certainly liked it.

I remembered the very first night Edward had ever stayed with me, well, the first night I _knew_ about it. I'd wished I had the Victoria's Secret pyjamas that Renee had bought me - the ones I'd left in Phoenix, still with their tags in place.

And there was the gown I chose for my wedding night - I'd felt beautiful in that.

His eyes were shining.

"Shall I put it on now?"

He inhaled deeply, slowly. "I don't know if that's a good idea." His eyes were getting darker, I noticed.

"Why?" There was a bit of tease in my voice.

He reached out and pulled me to him. "Because if you put that on now, then we won't get out of this room at all today and I was planning to take you to Port Angeles for lunch. And we're due at Charlie's for dinner later."

I giggled as he held me to him. I could feel his breathing becoming faster.

"But perhaps," he whispered in my ear. "You'll wear it for me tonight." The tip of his icy tongue ran around the shell of my ear. "The family will be away for the evening. All evening."

A shiver ran through me at the way he said it.

"And besides ... ," he spoke lower, his lips brushed against my skin and I held my breath, waiting for his next words. "If you wait any longer to eat your eggs they'll be cold."

I groaned and pouted as he pulled away, chuckling. But he was right, and I was hungry. I was always hungry.

I was half way through my eggs and ice cream when I noticed. There was a bear sitting on the rocking horse.

"Mr Billington!" Surprised, I almost upended my tray all over Edward, who caught it neatly and put it at the end of the bed where I supposed he hoped it would be safer. I got off the bed and picked up the bear, tipping him over to make him growl.

"How? We only saw him yesterday."

Edward just shrugged, smiling, eyes shining. He'd probably made arrangements with the store and driven to Seattle and back in the middle of the night. Or he'd paid a fortune for a speedy courier delivery. Either way, I decided to just let it go.

"You two seemed to have a connection," Edward said quietly and I laughed. Now, when I looked into Mr Billington's eyes they didn't seem so sad.

"So .... ," he got off the bed and came to me, his eyes focused on mine. Slowly he took Mr Billington from my hands and sat him back on the rocking horse. Then his arms went around me and he pressed his body against mine. "... happy birthday, Bella." His lips started moving along my jaw and down my throat and I arched into him.

"Have you finished breakfast?" he murmured against my skin.

"Unh hmm," the sensations moving through me made it hard to speak, so I nodded instead.

"Good." And he picked me up in his arms and carried me to the bed. Gently, he climbed on and laid me against the pillows, kissing me lightly as he did so. Then, very carefully, he knelt above me, one knee planted firmly either side of my thighs. And there was silence, only the sound of my heart thumping, trying to free itself from the cage of my ribs as he slowly leant forward, resting his palms flat on the mattress beside my shoulders.

"Edward? I thought you said ... ,"

"Would you like me to stop? I will if you want me to."

He brushed the tip of his nose along the length of mine, then grazed his lips across my mouth.

"No. Don't stop."

"Should I sing happy birthday to you?"

"Um ... , no, that's not ... no ... "

"No?" His lips trailed over my chin and onto my throat. "I thought that was traditional."

"Ung ... , doesn't ... have ... to be."

"Oh." He was smiling - I could feel his mouth curve against the skin of my chest. "What if I said I'd like to?"

"Um, well ... I suppose ... ," I just couldn't finish, his tongue was joining the party now and it was moving south.

"I ... oh ... ,"

He sat up, still astride my legs, completely supporting his own weight, and reached behind him, pulling Snoopy off over his head and dropping it on the floor.

"Happy birthday to you ... " He spoke the words, very softly in a deep whisper. Reaching out, his long fingers curled around the hem of my tank top. He raised an eyebrow and I nodded as my breathing hitched. A second later it was gone. Now he could _really_ see the pounding of my heart. His fingers traced over my ribs and upwards, circling over my breasts. His touch was barely there, like a whisper on my skin and I moaned.

"Happy birthday to you ... " Another deep whisper. He took his hands from my breats and in a fluid movement, his blue pyjama pants were gone. Just gone. And he was all Edward, on his knees, above me. Lips smiling, eyes too. Hair tumbling. And then, he reached up one hand and ran it through the bronze strands, pushing it out of his eyes. I thought my heart was going to stop.

"Happy birthday, dear Bella ... " His hands came back down and his fingers ran around the inside of my pyjama waistband. I held my breath. He cocked his head to the side a little, questioning. I bit my lip and he smiled. Slowly, slowly, his eyes holding mine, he began to pull them down, his fingers leaving a trail of fire on my skin where they touched. I swallowed, hard. Then, with a flourish, they were gone and his eyes were gleaming as he bent his face closer to mine. Our gaze locked.

"Happy birthday to you." His lips touched mine.

Mmmm, best birthday ever. And it wasn't even eight o'clock yet.

Hip, hip, hooray.

* * *

I was sitting, cross legged, on my old bed in Charlie's house with a pile of CDs on one side and a heap of books on the other.

We'd left the house eventually and lunch had been delicious. He'd taken me back to La Bella Italia, the restaurant where we'd eaten that first night. And from there we'd walked by the water, looking at the boats, before heading back to Forks. We'd come to Charlie's early so I could sort through some of my things.

I'd moved very little into Edward's room. Mostly just clothes and a few favourite books. Now, as the cottage was nearing completion I was starting to move more things over, onto the shelves in the living area.

"Do you want this?"

Somehow, Edward managed to look gorgeous just leaning against my desk. He was holding up my Trigonometry text book, smiling his half smile.

"Hardly." I said. The smile became a smirk and he tossed it onto the discard pile on the floor.

"What about this one?"

"Calculus? No!" This time he grinned as it joined the Trig book.

"You're not planning on bringing the computer, are you?"

"What's wrong with my computer?" I was indignant now, but Edward just raised a skeptical eyebrow. "Alright, the computer stays."

He smirked again and I tried to ignore him, focusing instead on the CD in my hand.

"And this?" The corner of his mouth had curved up.

"I _would_ like to keep that. Sentimental reasons."

He nodded and put my Biology text book carefully on the keep pile. "I kept mine, too," he murmured quietly. I smiled to myself.

I kept on with my sorting, wondering why I'd ever bought some of these CDs. I realised a moment later that Edward was very still. And quiet. I looked up. He was holding a book in his hand, just staring at the front cover. I waited a moment and he spoke.

"When did you get this?" He held it up. _The Habits of Good Society: A Guide to Manners and Etiquette for Young Ladies and Gentlemen._

I'd forgotten all about it, hadn't thought about it for months.

"Oh, where did you find that?"

His eyes indicated the space between the desk and the wall. "It must have fallen."

I nodded. He came slowly to the bed and sat down. I moved my piles onto the floor to make more room.

"So when did you get this, Bella? I didn't know you were interested in the social etiquette of the early twentieth century." He was looking at the publication date inside the front cover. 1912. His voice didn't hold any particular emotion.

"I bought it the day you told me about George."

His forehead creased in a deep frown.

"Why?"

I took a breath and began.

"That morning in the clearing, after you'd ... well, after everything ... you left to go hunting and I went to Port Angeles." His face tilted to look at me, curious, frown still in place. I'd never told him what I'd done after I'd left the clearing that day. There was no reason I shouldn't, I just hadn't. We hadn't spoken much about that particular day at all.

"I thought you'd gone home."

"I did at first, but I didn't stay there long. I just needed some space, and distance. And time to think." I kept my voice even but he winced slightly and looked away. Even though we'd worked through the whole issue of George and Edward's past, that morning in the clearing would never be a happy memory.

I put my hand on his arm, wanting that connection between us. "I watched the boats and thought about things and I started to feel a little bit better. And then I wandered around and I looked in the bookshop for a while and I found this in the secondhand section." I shrugged. "It was published when you were a boy."

He nodded.

"I thought it might, I don't know ... help me understand things better. Understand you better, and how you would have felt about ... things. I thought it might help."

He swallowed hard and I could see his eyes, focused on the book, were sad. He let out a sharp breath and shook his head as if trying to clear some unpleasant thought. He probably was. Then he turned to me. His eyes were dark now. When he spoke, his voice was incredulous.

"Bella, are you telling me that on the day I told you possibly the most hurtful thing I could tell you, the day I broke your heart and almost destroyed ... us ... you went and bought a book so you could _understand me_ better? So you could _help_ me?"

The last words were said through his teeth. His eyes were flashing now, they seemed almost angry.

"I ... I don't know if I thought of it that way at the time, but I guess so. I knew I still wanted us to be together, but at first I didn't know how. I just wanted to find a way to fix things, to get through it, I thought it might be a first step."

He looked away again, shaking his head some more. Then he put the book down beside him, rested his elbows on his knees and buried his face in his hands. I began chewing on my lip. I knew what he was doing - he was having one of his _I'm not worthy_ moments. Admittedly they'd been happening less and less over the past few months, but the tendency was still there. Sometimes I'd catch him looking at me, and I'd see it in his face, just fleetingly, for a second. But as I looked at him now I could see this was a big one.

Abruptly, he stood up and went to the window, resting his hands either side of the frame. He sighed heavily, head bowed.

I got off the bed and moved towards him slowly. He would know I was coming. When I was beside him I rested my hand on his arm. His eyes were closed, face cast down, tendons tight in his neck and jaw.

Then I moved my hand to rest over his heart. "Even though it hurt, Edward, I never doubted you. I know what's in here." I moved my hand, pressing it over his heart. "I know _who's_ in here. I always have. I just wanted to help you. Help us. I was probably being selfish, really. I know there's no life for me without you, you see."

He let go a long breath and seemed to shudder.

"When you should have been handing me back the ring, or throwing rocks through the Volvo's windows, you were trying to understand me."

"Well, I was never going to give back the ring, and it didn't occur to me to smash the Volvo. But trying to understand ... yes."

He shook his head, but still wouldn't look at me. Maybe I should have lied about the book, said I just bought it out of interest when we first started dating. Told him it was Charlie's secret hobby. But I thought we were stronger than that.

After a moment he lifted his face but he didn't look at me. He stared out the window instead, arms still braced against the frame. Slowly I withdrew my hand from his heart, my own was starting to experience a sinking feeling.

What was it about my birthday and Edward Cullen?

Then he turned to me and spoke. His eyes surprised me - he seemed determined. But determined for what, I didn't know. His voice was firm and strong when he spoke.

"Bella, I have always known that I don't deserve you and never will ... " My heart twisted. The _unworthy_ speech. "And that has never been clearer to me than right at this moment. Never." My head felt too heavy. All the energy had drained out of me.

"But I can't tell you the joy that I feel because, despite everything I told you that day, not only did you love me enough to stay with me, but you ... _did this_." His voice broke then as he pointed at the book.

My face snapped up to his, shocked. He was okay! My head started spinning with relief. His eyes were overwhelming - full of love, fierce and strong.

"I can't believe a love so powerful is meant for me. It _shouldn't_ be meant for me. But _it is_ ... and I'll take it," he whispered.

Relief flowed through me and a single tear escaped my eye.

"Bella, love ... ," he reached out to brush the wetness from my face.

I waved away his concern with my hand. "Happy," I choked out and he smiled and wrapped his arms around me.

We sat on the bed and he pulled me into his lap. We were quiet, still, watching the sky get dark outside. Every now and then he'd place a kiss somewhere - my cheek, my lips, my hair. My fingers were stroking gently along his arm, tracing circles on the back of his hand.

After a while he picked up the book and started flicking through it.

"So what did you think?" he asked quietly as his eyes scanned the pages.

I let out a breath, remembering what I'd read that night. "Well, everything seemed so ... suppressed. I mean, husbands and wives not showing affection in public, no kissing on the lips unless you're married, don't talk to someone unless you've been formally introduced by someone else. It was unnatural."

He nodded. "Yes, it was. Though I'm sure a lot more went on behind closed doors."

He flicked through the last few pages and then held it above the discard pile, a single eyebrow raised in question. I nodded firmly and he smiled as he dropped it on top of Calculus and Trigonometry.

I snuggled against him.

"We're not going to raise our baby like people did then, are we?" I was thinking of the chapter on children. The belief that they should be seen and not heard, that showing a child too much love and affection would weaken its character and that harsh discipline would strengthen it.

"No, not like that." He pulled me closer. "There'll be lots of hugs."

I snuggled into him and he rubbed his hand over my belly. "But I suppose there'll be rules about bed times and eating vegetables?" He seemed unsure and I smiled.

"Yes, bedtimes and vegetables."

He nodded, his face serious, as though he were working out a puzzle. "But there'll also be ice cream, and chocolate."

"Yes. Sometimes." I started laughing because he seemed more enthusiastic about these things and I knew then this child would probably get chocolate ice cream for dinner if it wanted. I'd have to keep a close check on things - it already had its father wrapped around its little finger. I smiled as I thought of the rocking horse.

"Were your parents strict?"

He considered for a moment. "Yes, but not as strict as a lot of parents were at that time, or as that book would recommend. They were affectionate and loving but there were rules and I knew my place. I mostly did as I was told."

"Mostly?"

He smirked. "I _was_ only human."

I rested my head on his shoulder and put my hand on top of his, where it rested on my belly.

"You're getting bigger." He spoke softly but I could still hear the smile in his voice. He moved his face so his lips were kissing along my neck.

"You're very beautiful, Bella."

I was about to say something, but his lips covered mine and my words were lost. We laid back against the pillows and his hands began to move under my shirt, caressing my skin so softly.

He reached his face down and kissed my belly.

"Do you want to tell Charlie tonight?"

Suddenly the warm bliss I was feeling evaporated.

"Tonight? Isn't it too early?" We'd only been married two and a half weeks. If this was supposed to be a honeymoon baby, we wouldn't know about it yet.

"It's going to be hard to hide, soon. But I suppose you're right. Even based on the actual date of conception we probably wouldn't know yet." He smiled up at me. "We'll wait a bit longer."

I felt a little relieved. I was worried about Charlie's reaction. But I knew he'd come around, and I knew that when the news sank in, and if he didn't think too much about the dates, he'd be excited about being a grandpa. When the baby was older they'd probably go fishing, like he tried to do with me, except I kept falling in the water. Then a cloud came over that happy picture. Would we still be in Forks by then? That would be at least five or six years away - Edward would still look seventeen. Would I still be human?

"Edward, we'll still have to move away, won't we? You're not going to age."

"I know. But I think we can give Charlie a couple of years at least. And you can always visit without me. I don't think Charlie would mind that. And the same with Renee."

"I wouldn't want to be away from you."

"You wouldn't. I'd come too, they just wouldn't know it."

"I don't want you hiding."

"Bella, it's part of what we have to do sometimes." He stroked my cheek. "Of course it's harder when you're hiding from people you love."

"And when I change?" I still didn't know when that would be, but I didn't want to get old while my husband and child stayed eternally young. My head started swimming with too many thoughts.

My journal was filling up fast. I knew I'd have to work to keep my memories but I didn't want life with my baby to be a fuzzy memory, I wanted it sharp and clear. Vampire memories. But I couldn't be a newborn vampire around my own newborn, could I? I'd have to be kept away and I didn't want to miss out like that. I closed my eyes and rested my head back against the pillows.

"Bella, love ... I know there are still a lot of things to be considered but now that we have a good idea of what's ahead of us, we'll find a way." He smiled. "Charlie and Renee will know their grandchild."

Had I heard him right? I opened my eyes which, I knew, clearly showed my disbelief.

"Edward, are _you_ telling _me_ that everything will work out okay? That we can do this?"

"Er, yes?"

I shook my head smiling.

"I never thought our roles would reverse and I'd be the one worrying and you'd be telling me we'll make it work."

He chuckled and sat up, crossing his legs and facing me.

"Neither did I." He cocked his head to the side and smiled. "Things seem ... different, to me now."

Edward _was_ different That first night in Chicago when he'd shared himself with me a little. And the next night, when he told me that when we made love it would be beautiful. There had been no fear or worry behind his words, just the belief that it would be beautiful. And he'd been so right. It had been more than beautiful, the first time and every time.

And now, with the baby, he'd allowed his joy to override his concern, even before we received Siobahn's letter. And with the etiquette book, accepting that I'd rather love and understand him than be angry with him. And now he was telling me that we would make things work

"You've changed me, Bella. It took a while, but I guess you were working against a hundred years of guilt and darkness."

"So is this the new no-worries Edward?"

He laughed. "I don't think that will ever happen." He stroked my cheek. "I still worry about you. I always will. And soon, I'll be fortunate enough to have someone else to worry about." He rubbed my belly again and his hand slipped back under my shirt, moving up a little higher this time. I pressed my lips against his neck and sucked on the skin there. He hissed and his hand grazed over my breast. I shivered, arching into him. But suddenly, he stopped, head snapping towards the window.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong." He got off the bed and pulled me up with him. "Come on, birthday girl ... this will have to wait until later. Charlie's home."

Dinner with Charlie went well. My Dad ordered pizza so no-one had to cook and Edward somehow managed to make it look like he'd eaten his fair share. And the Cullens had practically kept their promise. When we got back home they were all out, but there was an enormous bunch of flowers and a cake waiting for me in the living room.

"They couldn't let it pass unacknowledged, love." Edward's arms were around me while he whispered in my ear. I just smiled. "Why don't I take your box of books out to the cottage and while I'm doing that, maybe you could try the birthday gift I gave you." His nose was trailing along my neck.

"Mm. What, try hugging Mr Billington and making him growl?" I teased.

He chuckled. "How about hugging Mr Cullen and making _him_ growl?"

My heart nearly crashed through my chest.

"Uh huh, okay." My voice was just a squeak and he laughed again as he pulled away. "I won't be long." He strode out the door while I hurried upstairs. I wondered whether the blue negligee would last long enough for me to wear it more than once.

* * *

I was sorting out my box of books in the living area of the cottage. That room was finished and painted and the furniture Esme and Alice had carefully chosen was starting to arrive. It was a comfortable, eclectic mix that appealed to me and, hopefully, hadn't been too expensive.

Along one wall were floor to ceiling shelves, built in to hold our combined collection of books. We'd started moving some in and the shelves were already half full.

"Well, at least this room is starting to look like home." Esme appeared in the loose, over-size shirt she always wore when she was working on her projects.

"It's beautiful, Esme. We'll never be able to thank you enough." She waved away my thanks and smiled.

"You and Edward will need your space," she said. "It should be finished in the next few weeks," she was looking around her now. "But modern plumbing and electricity don't happen overnight, unfortunately."

Although the rest of the cottage was, well, cottagey, the kitchen and bathroom were both sleek and modern with the latest appliances and fittings. And somehow, Esme made it work and those two rooms didn't seem out of place with the exposed beams and timber floors.

"At least it'll be ready before the baby comes. Have you thought any more about the nursery?"

"A bit, but we've made no decisions."

She nodded, smiling. "There's plenty of time." She moved across the room and sat down on the comfy leather chair opposite mine. The pair of them framed the stone fireplace.

"Bella, normally a girl would turn to her mother for help or advice with her pregnancy. I know I'm not your mother, but I think of you as my daughter and if there's anything you want to talk about, or that I can help you with, I hope you would feel free to come to me. I realise that it would be Renee's role, but until you decide to tell her, and even after you do, please know I'm here if you want me." She stopped and gave me that warm, loving smile that set her position as the mother of the Cullen family. "I know it's a long time since my own pregnancy, but it is my clearest human memory. I remember every day of it."

Her eyes seemed distant at the memory, her smile was sad now.

"Thank you, Esme. I will." My voice brought her back and she smiled more brightly and nodded. Then she stood up and so did I. She came to me and put her hands on my arms.

"You've brought such joy, Bella, not just to Edward, but to all of us." She kissed my cheek. "Thank you."

I swallowed, tears coming dangerously close to the surface. They never seemed far away these days and the simplest things could set me off, but Esme's words touched me deeply and I was battling against a full-blown blubber session. She seemed to understand and changed the subject quickly.

"Don't let Edward take over all the shelves, he will if you let him." She spoke with a smile as she gave my hand a squeeze before disappearing back to the main house.

I wiped my nose on my sleeve, took a few deep breaths and started putting more books on the shelves. Edward's books were such a mix. Volumes of leather and cloth dating back a hundred years sat beside modern paperbacks and hardcovers. He'd arranged his fiction alphabetically by title. Non-fiction seemed to be broken down by topic - philosophy, science, arts, history, biography, religion. I snorted when I saw the next category - car books. I'd seen the books before, but never really thought about them. I'd certainly never looked.

I ran my finger down the spine of _One Hundred Luxury Cars of the Future_ and pulled it off the shelf to look at what Edward, no doubt, planned to be driving in the coming years. As I flicked through, a single piece of paper floated out from between the pages and fluttered to the floor. It was folded in half and as I picked it up I could see it was a sketch. I remembered the drawing of Lyttleton Harbour on the wall of his bedroom and was excited to see another piece of his art work. But as I unfolded the paper, I couldn't believe what I saw, and a gasp, loud and shocked, passed my lips.

It was a young woman.

A beautiful young woman.

She was the most stunningly beautiful woman I had ever seen.

Rosalie and Tanya paled into nothing against her.

The sketch showed just her head and shoulders, her hair pulled back from her face loosely. Her beauty wasn't glamorous, or obvious. It was simple, almost other-worldly. There was a gentleness about her features, but something warm and passionate in the expression of her eyes, the way her smile played on her lips. Even the curl of her eyelashes and the curve of her ear were beautiful.

But it was more than that. Such was Edward's talent that it were as though he'd looked deep into her soul and captured the beauty there as well. There was compassion, warmth, love.

She was breathtaking. Heart-stopping.

Tears were coursing down my cheeks and I could barely speak.

I realised I'd been holding my breath when my head started spinning. I inhaled quickly, but I couldn't take my eyes from the picture. There was a soft noise from the doorway and I looked up, still shaken by my discovery. Edward stood there, hands in pockets, shoulders hunched. He seemed wary, uncertain - almost nervous.

At first I was unable to speak, and he didn't say anything either, but just watched me closely. After a moment I found my voice. I held out the paper.

"Is this really how you see me?"

All the times he'd told me how beautiful I was, that I didn't see myself clearly.

I'd had no idea ...

He took a few, tentative steps into the room.

"In truth, no. It's not." He took another step. "My drawing skills aren't enough to do you any real justice."

Tears continued to leak from my eyes and he came closer. The paper was shaking in my hand.

"The sketch is quite a good likeness, but it only _touches_ on your real beauty. And, it's only one dimensional," he said, carefully taking the drawing between his fingers and looking at it.

I wiped my hand over my face. All the times I'd felt small and plain beside him. All the times _I'd_ felt unworthy. All the times people had cast admiring looks at him, and confused looks at me. All the times beautiful women had tried to flirt with him, right in from of me. Wherever we went, in shops, restaurants, even walking along the street. He would never so much as glance at them, any of them, yet I'd still felt like I was less than he deserved.

But now, seeing this, I'd had no idea just how much I outshone them all. No idea at all.

There had been occasions, like the wedding, where I'd been pleased with how I looked, but that was due mainly to Alice and the magic of make-up and a well-cut wedding gown.

The tears started coming faster.

"When did you ... ," I sniffed, rather than finish my sentence.

"The day we had our picnic in the meadow, when we arrived and you were looking around. You said you'd never seen it so beautiful and the look on your face ... you were ... indescribable." He shrugged. "But you always are." I tried to smile but it got lost somewhere in my shock and came out as a grimace.

"That was the day we made love for the first time."

"Yes." His smile was tender. "It was a special day, and while you were asleep that night, I tried to draw the way you'd looked that morning." He looked at the sketch again. "This was the best I could do."

I was still quiet, overwhelmed.

"Do you mind very much ... that I drew you?" He put the paper down on the arm of the chair and moved closer. He was standing right in front of me now, and though there was no space between us, we weren't touching. "I know I told you once that I wouldn't because I knew you wouldn't like it. I'm sorry." He reached out, hesitantly, his eyes were stil wary. "I've only drawn that one."

"I don't mind," I whispered and I could see the tension leave him and he smiled. I looked into his eyes and sniffed. My nose was running and my eyes were red. "Edward, I'm beautiful."

He chuckled and pulled me into his arms. "Yes you are."

I was beautiful.

I yawned as I snuggled deeper into the bed, smiling.

"Edward?"

"Mm?" He wasn't asleep but it seemed as though he could be. I smiled wider. I liked it when he was like this - sort of sleepy and cosy as he lay curled against my side. I kissed his hair.

"Why did you hide my sketch in a book about cars?" I'd been too shy to let him put it on display, but it was safe now in his box of special things.

"I thought it would be the one place you'd never look. But as usual, you did what I didn't expect."

I laughed, my fingers still running through the strands.

"I've been thinking about the nursery. I think I know how I'd like to decorate it."

"Mm, how?" He propped his head up on one hand, a breathtaking smile on his perfect lips. I lost concentration for just a moment.

"Mm? Oh, um, right. Well, I thought maybe you could paint a mural on the walls."

His eyebrows shot up. Both of them.

"You could do that, couldn't you? I mean, you obviously have the skill. And it would be so special. Unique."

He was nodding slowly. "What would I be painting?"

I smiled and traced my finger across his lips.

"The meadow."

"The meadow?"

"Uh huh. It's our favourite place, it's beautiful and it would give the room a very relaxed feel for him."

"Him?" He cocked an eyebrow.

"Or her."

Edward flopped back on the pillows, eyes creased in thought.

"What do you think?"

A slow grin formed on his lips. "I've never done anything on such a large scale before."

"But?"

He reached up and kissed me.

"But I think it's a wonderful idea."

* * *

There's no point trying to sneak up on a vampire.

"Bella, you shouldn't be in here." I'd hardly even made it through the doorway.

"Why not?" I knew why.

He turned around to face me as he rolled his eyes. "Paint fumes. They're not healthy for either of you. You know that."

He stepped over the paint tins and came behind me, wrapping his arms around me, his hands rubbing over my bump.

"I just wanted a quick look, and the window's open."

In the three days since I'd asked Edward to paint the mural he'd thrown himself into the task. He'd spent the next day studying paint swatches to select the right colours. The day following that he'd bought all the supplies and prepared the room. And now, the northern wall was actually starting to look like the meadow. When the remaining three walls were done, it would be stunning.

He had perfectly recreated the soft grasses, the purple and yellow flowers, and then, as if they were in the distance, the tall trees that defined our favourite space.

"I thought I could paint the ceiling like the sky and complete the whole effect. What do you think?"

My smile reflected my enthusiasm as I twisted my head around to see him. "Sounds great." And he grinned before he kissed me.

I stepped out of his arms and headed back to the living room while he followed. The fumes _were_ becoming a bit much.

"I'm going over to get my rocking chair from Charlie's. We can put it in here for now and then move it into the nursery when it's finished."

"Give me a minute and I'll clean up and come with you."

"It's okay, I can manage, it's not heavy."

He raised that single eyebrow, letting me know what he thought of that idea.

"Okay, I'll wait while you clean up." He kissed my forehead and then took my hand as we walked back to the main house.

"I was thinking of staying for dinner, too."

Edward nodded. "That's fine, we'll both stay."

I planned to eat dinner with Charlie at two or three times a week. That way I could be sure he was getting some decent meals, especially if I made enough for him to have leftovers the next night.

We stopped at the Cullens' garage.

"Will the chair fit in the Volvo?" I was doubtful.

"No. We'll take Emmett's jeep."

"We can't. He's out with Rosalie."

Edward just shrugged. "I know where he keeps the keys."

I grimaced a little, uncomfortable with the idea of using the jeep without permission.

"Should we do that? Won't he mind if you use it without asking?"

"Probably." And he turned his face away so I couldn't see the smirk. I shook my head at him.

"Edward, how _old_ are you?"

His eyes snapped to mine then, full of the memory of a tense, awkward conversation one night, nearly two years before. One corner of his mouth curved up in a smile.

"I've told you before, Bella ... seventeen."

And I smiled back as I thought of him using his brother's car without asking. In some ways, Edward would always be seventeen.

Charlie was glad to see us. He supervised Edward's removal of the rocking chair from upstairs while I prepared dinner. Charlie was impressed with the jeep and the conversation, as much as you could have a conversation with my Dad, was stuck for a while on cars as we ate. I noticed that, as well as skillfully hiding food in his napkin and moving it around his plate, Edward actually chewed a couple of mouthfuls of my spaghetti and meatballs. I squeezed his knee under the table. No doubt he'd take a walk later while I was sleeping.

The conversation finally moved off cars just as we started clearing the table. I was collecting the plates and Charlie was preparing to head for the living room, and an evening of TV sport, when Edward tensed beside me.

"What?" I mouthed, but he just shook his head. I could see the muscles tight in his neck. I was about to ask again, but suddenly I had my answer. There was a knock at the door. Whoever was on the other side was obviously making him uncomfortable. I started to move towards the hallway, to answer it, but he pulled me back.

"Let Charlie get it," he whispered in my ear.

My heart started beating a little faster. "Edward, what is ... ,"

"Come on in," I could hear Charlie's voice, shy, awkward sounding. He appeared a moment later in the kitchen doorway with Sue Clearwater. She was holding a covered dish of something that smelt delicious. Lasagne, I thought. She had been smiling but when she saw Edward her face became like stone.

I'd not seen anyone from La Push since the wedding when Sue joined Seth and Billy as one of our guests. I knew she had only come to support Billy, and that Billy had only come because he was my father's friend. Seth alone had been happy and supportive of our marriage. I realised I was chewing my lip.

"Hello," she said stiffly, then made what seemed a very great effort to smile again.

"Hello," Edward was polite.

"Hi, Sue," I grabbed Edward's hand and squeezed.

Sue turned to Charlie. "I thought I might bring you some dinner, but I see I'm a little late."

"Oh, well, thanks." Was my Dad actually blushing? "I can put it in the fridge and have it tomorrow night." He was nodding as he took the dish from her and walked to the fridge. Sue cleared her throat.

"It was a lovely wedding," she said.

"Thanks. Oh, and thank you for coming." I was smiling and Sue nodded. "It was really good to see you and Billy and Seth, there."

"We appreciated it very much," Edward added and the sincerity in his voice was clear, as was the meaning. After a moment Sue smiled again and this time there was some genuine warmth.

"Thank you. We had a nice time."

There was a silence as we all stood around the table in the small kitchen. Charlie was staring at the clock on the wall.

"Dad, why don't you and Sue go into the living room and Edward and I will clean up."

Charlie nodded awkwardly and then moved out into the hall. Sue smiled at us again and followed him. A moment later I heard the television and I let out a breath.

"Well, that was awkward." Edward came behind me as I turned to the sink and started the water.

"Yeah, you're not wrong." I added the detergent and swooshed the water, creating bubbles.

He kissed my neck. "But Sue Clearwater's an intelligent woman. She knows that if she wants to spend time with Charlie, it's going to include us sometimes, or more specifically, me."

I leant my head back against his shoulder. "Did you hear that in her thoughts?"

"More or less." His hands soothed over my belly which had started feeling a bit tight in the last day or two as my bump was starting to increase. His touch felt good and I sighed as I reached out to turn off the tap.

"Well, I'm glad she wants to spend time with my Dad. I won't worry about him so much."

"So it doesn't bother you that your father's new girlfriend associates with werewolves?" I could hear the tease in Edward's voice and I flicked him with a handful of suds.

He jerked his head back and let go of me, grinning as he wiped the bubbles from his neck and shoulder where they'd left wet spots over his shirt. Some had missed him and landed on the floor.

"Bella? What do you think you're doing?" He raised an eyebrow and his expression almost made me melt.

I tried to seem casual and just shrugged as I picked up a plate and started washing it. Edward grabbed a dish cloth and took the cleaned plate from me, dried it and placed it on the table. The whole scene seemed so domestic and ... human. But I was on my guard. I was sure he'd seek revenge at some stage.

And I didn't have to wait long. As he took another plate from me he wiped his fingers through some of the residual bubbles and then stroked them down my neck.

"Argh, euw, Edward!"

He laughed. So I scooped some more bubbles out of the sink and went to wipe them on his face. Very gently, he grabbed my wrist, stopping me. The eyebrow was up again, challenging me. A wicked smile crossed my face as I realised my advantage. He hadn't been human for a long time. And he probably hadn't done the washing up when he was. He probably didn't know the finer points of washing up games.

He was holding my hand up between us, my fingers full of bubbles, slowly dripping onto the floor. I put my lips together and went up on my toes, as if I was going to kiss him. But instead I blew the bubles off my hand, hard and fast, and they landed in a wet spatter across his face.

He let go quickly and instinctively stepped back. I laughed and his eyes narrowed while a grin, even more wicked than mine, formed on his lips.

"Bella ... ," He was using that low voice. The growly one. He wiped the dish cloth over his face and took a step towards me and I took a step back, smiling, heart racing. But the floor was wet and for someone who can barely walk straight when going forward, backward presents a whole different set of problems. My feet slipped in the suds and I stumbled.

"Bella!" Edward's arms were around me in a flash, stopping me mid air. "Are you alright?" His eyes were wide, searching mine.

"I'm fine Edward. You caught me."

"Is everything okay in there?" Charlie called from the living room.

"Fine, Dad. We'll be out in a minute." I looked at our position and laughed. My feet were still suspended off the ground as Edward held me in his iron grasp.

"You can put me down now."

He sat me on a chair and then stood, hands on hips, looking around the room. "I'll clean this up. Where does Charlie keep the mop."

"Just over here." I stood up and took a step towards the narrow broom cupboard behind the door and my feet went again but this time it wasn't just a stumble.

"Aarghgrrrrrrr." Edward's growl was loud as he lunged again, catching me before I hit my head against the table, but sliding along the floor himself. We stopped with a thud, Edward on his back on the floor, and me laying on top of him, our legs tangled together.

"Why. Couldn't. You. Just. Point?" He spoke through gritted teeth, eyes flashing, almost angry. But his hands were rubbing over my back comfortingly. I was breathing hard from the fright of falling and Edward closed his eyes and took a breath.

"Are you alright?" His eyes opened again. They were dark, worried.

"Yes, I think so."

"Are you sure?"

"Mm, yes. I'm sure. Just a bit ... shocked. Nothing feels ... hurt."

He closed his eyes again and brought his head up from the floor so he could rest his forehead against mine.

And just as he did that, the baby kicked.

A strong little thump from deep inside my belly.

My eyes flew wide open.

My breath caught.

My heart stuttered, skipped a beat and then sped up.

"Edward," I whispered.

And I knew, by the look of shock on his face, our bodies pressed together ... he'd felt it too.

"Bella?"

"Edward, I ... ,"

"Was that ... ?"

"I think so."

"Oh. Really?"

And then it happened again. Another strong, little thump.

Edward's eyes opened wider.

"Oh ... Bella." His voice cracked and I watched the shock in his eyes become awe.

I didn't know what to say. I just stared at him, totally overwhelmed.

And suddenly Edward moved, sitting up and pulling me quickly into his lap, one arm wrapped around me tightly, while his hand rested on my belly. He moved it around, up and down, side to side, trying to feel something.

"Will it happen again?"

"I don't know. I ... I suppose so."

And then ... thump ... it happened again.

"Oh!" We jumped at the same time, then looked at each other and started laughing.

"Bella ... ," Edward's eyes melted into mine. "I love you." And he kissed me, softly. "That's our baby," he whispered, his lips sliding over mine.

"I know," I laughed as his mouth moved down my throat.

Then he looked at me and sighed. "Our baby."

My heart thrilled. My hands were in his damp hair as he kissed me while we sat on my father's kitchen floor, wet with suds and bubbles. Then Edward stopped. I pulled back and he was watching the doorway. I turned around and saw my father standing, frowning down at us.

"What baby?"


	16. Chapter 16: Protector and Provider

**All things Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended.**

* * *

We were still on the floor. In the suds.

Charlie continued to stare down at us, face like thunder, arms folded tight across his chest.

Edward's arms were still around me, my hands in his hair. Then, he slid me off his lap in a smooth, liquid move and stood up, pulling me gently to my feet. Somehow, his arms never left my waist. He stood in front of my father.

"Charlie, why don't we go into the living room and talk?" Edward's voice was light and calm, but there was something different there.

With Charlie, Edward was always polite and respectful, but he also played his part as the boyfriend, very aware of Charlie's role as my father. But Edward wasn't a boyfriend now. He was my husband, he was going to be a father - he was protector and provider and he spoke to Charlie as one man to another. The boyfriend act was over.

Charlie's eyes were narrowed and I think Edward's response had taken him by surprise. He didn't speak but he turned and headed into the hall.

"Why didn't you hear him coming?" I hissed quietly in Edward's ear.

"I was distracted." He looked down at my stomach, smiling, and I wondered how he could be so calm. "Come on," he took my hand and we followed Charlie out of the kitchen.

In the hallway, Sue Clearwater was pulling on her coat by the front door. My heart clenched - I'd forgotten about her.

"I'd better get going. I'll see you later, Charlie." Her voice was hurried and she seemed anxious to leave.

"Yeah, er, I'll see you later." Charlie's voice was gruff. "Oh, and, er, thanks for the food." He gave her a quick nod and continued on into the living room.

"Bye Bella, Edward." She glanced at us quickly before opening the door and disappearing.

I raised an eyebrow, asking.

Edward bent down to whisper. "She knows something's going on, but she's not sure what it is. She'll call Charlie tomorrow to ask if everything's alright."

I nodded and took a deep breath as we entered the living room.

Charlie threw himself into a chair, hands resting as fists on the arms, eyes glaring at both of us. Edward sat with me on the sofa, one arm around my waist, the other holding my hand in his lap.

"So, did I hear right?" Charlie growled out the words and they seemed to hold a warning. My heart sped up and Edward noticed. His hand on my waist began rubbing soothingly. He looked down at me, one eyebrow raised just slightly. All I could do was bite my lip. I really didn't know what to say. Should we tell him? He had to find out sometime, but was now too soon? He'd never believe it was a honeymoon baby. Edward kept looking at me, the question still in his eyes. I shrugged and he gave me a quick smile and squeezed my hand, before turning to face my dad. He squared his shoulders and sat a little taller in his seat.

"Yes, you heard right, Charlie." And he kept smiling, he couldn't help himself. "We're delighted to tell you we're going to have a baby." He paused a moment. "You're going to be a grandfather."

Charlie sat frozen. Then his gaze dropped to my waist, but my bump was hiding under the loose shirt. Underneath I was wearing my preggy jeans.

My leg was jiggling up and down nervously. Edward let go of my hand and reached out to my knee, stopping it gently. As that leg stilled, the other started, until Edward moved his hand to that one as well. Charlie watched our movements closely and I didn't think his eyes could get any harder. His gaze followed Edward's every gesture, his hand on my knee, the other around my waist, pulling me close to him. My hand resting on Edward's thigh. Suddenly, even though Edward was my husband, I felt like we should be sitting on opposite sides of the room.

"Is this ... ," Charlie started, but stopped and he closed his eyes. He sat quietly, obviously thinking, but his face was starting to change colour, becoming all shades of red. I could hear his breathing getting louder. Then he fixed his gaze on me, staring intently into my eyes.

"Dad?" I wondered if he was going to be alright. I squirmed a little, then he turned to Edward, glaring at him.

"I just want to know one thing." Charlie's voice was low, almost dangerous as he leant forward towards Edward. I swallowed hard but Edward met his gaze evenly.

"Did _my daughter_ have to marry you because you got her pregnant?" he growled the question, emphasising my status as daughter.

"Dad, no!" I started to stand up but Edward's arm kept me in place. Charlie didn't even look my way, his gaze was still riveted on Edward and the knuckles of his clenched fists were white. Suddenly, he stood up, and stared down at Edward.

"Tell me, did she marry you because she _had to?_"His last words were an angry hiss.

My heart was going to give out, I was sure of it. Edward's hand kept hold of mine, his thumb stroking the skin. He met Charlie's eyes unflinchingly, then, he let go of me and stood to his full height. Charlie had to tilt his head slightly so as not to break his glare.

"No, Charlie. Bella didn't marry me because she had to." Edward's voice was still calm and respectful, but it was also strong, firm. "She is _my_ _wife _because she chose to be. We married because we love each other and for all the reasons we gave you the night we asked for your blessing." The emphasis in his words was clear.

Charlie was eyeing Edward carefully. My father had pushed his jaw forward, giving his face a fierceness I hadn't seen before as he continued to stare into Edward's eyes.

"And Bella was not pregnant that night." Edward's tone left no room for doubt. Or discussion.

They held their positions a moment longer. My heart was still pounding, and while the tension was rolling off Charlie, Edward remained calm. Then, something seemed to pass between them and Charlie backed down a little. His breathing began to calm, the anger fading from his face. He gave a quick nod and took another step backwards before flopping down in his chair and turning to me.

"When are you due?" he asked quietly.

"Spring," Edward said immediately, trying, for my sake, to keep up the honeymoon baby charade as he resumed his place beside me. "We don't have an exact date."

Charlie looked suspicious but nodded and my heart twisted.

I hated lying to my father, but the truth was awkward. I'd been hoping to get around this with half-truths and vagaries until he was too happy about the baby to care when it had been conceived.

And this _was _happy news. It was fantastic news - it wasn't something to hide and make up lies about. I took a deep breath.

"It's March, Dad. The baby's due in March." Once the words were out I felt stronger, somehow. "And what Edward said is true, we didn't get married because we had to, we got married because we wanted to, and I wasn't pregnant when we got engaged."

Edward's grip on my hand tightened as I shifted to the edge of my seat. I gave him a shaky smile and turned back to my dad, the words tumbling out quickly as _I_ leaned forward now.

"But it doesn't matter wh_en_ it happened, because this baby is very, very wanted. And ... I can't tell you how excited we are, Dad." Charlie was staring at me, his mouth open slightly. I kept talking. "I know you didn't find out in the best way, and I'm sorry for that, it's not how we planned to tell you, but we really hope you'll be excited too." I took a breath and sat back in my seat, finished. There was a gentle tugging on my hand and I looked at Edward. He was smiling at me, love and admiration in his eyes. Then he leaned over and kissed me softly on the lips, his arm went around my waist pulling me closer to him.

Sitting across from me, Charlie blinked a couple of times, watching us, then he rubbed his hand over his face, thinking. There was a heavy silence. And then, I felt it, a shift in atmosphere, a change in Charlie's attitude, and mine. Something had been let go - while I'd always be Charlie's daughter, I wasn't a little girl anymore. I turned my head to look at Edward and he gave a barely perceptible nod. He'd felt it too.

"You're both so young," Charlie murmured, almost to himself. "What about college?"

"Just delayed for a while," Edward said, quickly, re-focusing on my father. "With my family willing and eager to help out, there's no reason why we can't both still go to college, just a little later than planned."

"So your family knows, then?"

"Yes, they do."

Charlie nodded, still rubbing his hand over his face. "And they're ... ,"

"They're delighted." Edward's smile was warm. "It's wonderful news, after all."

And that comment, and the conviction in Edward's voice, pulled Charlie up.

"Er, yes. Yes, it is." He took a moment.

He sat back in the chair and brought his hands up, resting them under his chin. Edward squeezed my hands, and though he didn't look directly at me, there was just the hint of a wink.

"And you can support them both?"

"Dad!"

Edward's hand squeezed mine. "My situation hasn't changed since the last time we had that conversation." He didn't elaborate any further but I looked at him, wondering what conversation that was. And when. "Bella and the baby will never have to worry about that, I can assure you." Edward smiled and Charlie nodded, his thoughts must have been calming.

We waited. Then we waited a while longer. Then we waited a while more. And then ... Charlie started a small smile.

"A grandpa, eh?" The smile became a bit of a frown. "I'm a bit young for that," he muttered. But then the smile was back."Well ... I suppose it is real exciting news. Um, congratulations."

Relief washed through me. I hadn't realised how tight my jaw had been clenched and now it ached a little as my mouth stretched into a wide smile.

Charlie stood and so did we. He shook Edward's hand and gave me a hug. "A baby." He shook his head. "Listen, I'm sorry about ... well ...." He shoved his hands deep in his pockets.

"It's okay, Dad. We understand. It was a shock to us as well." Edward's arms around my waist squeezed gently.

"Does Renee know?"

"We haven't told her yet, no."

Charlie began to chuckle. "I wonder how she'll take to being a Grandma!"

Edward and I laughed, though internally I cringed at Renee's likely reaction.

"Sue will probably be wondering." Charlie rubbed his hand over his chin. "Can I tell her, I mean, you know, if she asks?" He gave an awkward little cough.

Edward smiled. "Yes, of course." That surprised me but I decided to be guided by him on this. I'd ask about it later. That and the conversation about him supporting me.

We stayed a little longer and Edward finally mopped up the kitchen. They both forbade me from entering until the floor was completely dry and I rolled my eyes - the two most overprotective men in my life just took it up a notch.

"Well, that turned out okay eventually." I flopped onto the sofa. We'd made it home in just under three minutes with Edward's hand on my bump all the way.

"Yes, it did." He was sprawled on the living room floor, his head in my lap, waiting for another little thump.

"But you knew it would, didn't you? You could see it in his mind."

He shrugged one shoulder. "He was shocked, at first. Then angry, as you saw. He was upset that you might have been forced into something you didn't want to do ... like getting married at eighteen." He smiled at me, that crooked one, my favourite. "I knew that wasn't the case, we just had to let him know that."

I nodded my head, understanding. My hand was weaving through his hair, lifting the bronze strands and letting them fall through my fingers.

"But it also forced a huge shift in the way he sees you. He struggled a little with that and he will for a while."

"I know, I felt that, too. But he's okay?"

"He's fine. When we left he was wondering if your Junior Fisherman rod is still in the shed."

I'd forgotten all about my fishing rod and laughed as my fingers played in Edward's hair. He nuzzled his head deeper into my lap.

"We felt our baby." He was grinning as he sat up a little, lifting his head and putting his hands on my belly.

A giggle escaped me. "I know."

He lifted his eyes to me suddenly. "What did it feel like?"

"Oh, um ... sort of like someone flicking their fingers against me, hard, from the inside."

Edward smiled and kept moving his hands slowly, tenderly.

"What did it feel like to you?"

He pulled back, grinning. "Like someone gently poking me to get my attention." He watched his hands again. "And they certainly got it," he murmured and I laughed.

He blew out a breath and shook his head.

"Bella, when it ... I ... this ... all of this ... and you, you're just amazing." He seemed genuinely lost for words, unable to express himself and that was a very rare thing for him. He realised and laughed at himself. "I can't even form a coherent sentence."

"You managed alright with Charlie."

"So did you." I heard the meaning in his words as he reached up to stroke my cheek and I felt myself blushing.

"You don't mind if he tells Sue?"

"No." He climbed onto the sofa and stretched out on his back, putting his head back in my lap while his legs hung over the arm. I rested one hand flat on his chest and he covered it with his own.

"You don't think there'll be a problem with the wolves, then?"

His mouth twisted a little as he considered. "I don't see why there should be. They'll probably be curious and that's to be expected, I suppose." He gave a little shrug of one shoulder. "But I haven't bitten anyone."

He raised his eyebrows and grinned, showing all his teeth. I laughed, because it was funny and because a few months ago he probably wouldn't have joked like that.

"And what you said to Charlie, about college ... do you still see us doing that?"

He lifted my hand to kiss it, then put it back on his chest again. "College will always be an option. As I said, we'll have lots of support if that's what we choose to do. Or, I could even stay home with the baby while you go."

"What?" Was he serious? By his wide-eyed expression, I'd say yes, he was.

"But college would be no fun without you."

His smile was very warm. "It's just one option. And I could have dinner ready on the table each evening when you got back from classes." I laughed and so did he. "But you're right, long days apart wouldn't be what I'd want either." But his comment about dinner on the table reminded me of a question.

"What was that you said, about supporting me and the _last time you had that conversation?_ What conversation?"

A slow smile crossed his lips.

"Mm, well, Charlie knows the Cullen family is well-off, but the night we told him we were engaged, one of the things he was thinking was how I'd support you. He didn't actually ask it, but I wanted to put his mind at rest so the next time I saw him, and you were upstairs, I raised the subject and told him about the investments from my inheritance."

"Oh. And he was happy with that?"

A smile crossed Edward's lips.

"Yes, he ... ,"

"It's okay. I just wondered." I spoke quickly, anxious to close the subject. He noticed, of course, and his eyes narrowed slightly as he smiled.

"You know you really should look at our bank account some time, Bella. It's important that we're _both_ be involved in our financial matters."

I smiled nervously as he sat up and twisted around to face me. "And they _are_ _our_ financial matters. Not just mine."

He always referred to it as _our_ bank account, _our _money, but I still thought of it as _his_, even when I signed the papers making it a joint account. Even though I'd added my meagre savings to the pot.

So I just smiled and he shook his head at me. Then he reached out and stroked along my jaw with gentle fingers.

"Are you tired, love?"

"Mm, not too much, why?"

He grinned. "The others are just about to arrive home. Can we tell them?"

The Cullens were as excited as we were. They all wanted to feel, even Jasper, and at one point I had at least six cold hands on my tummy until Edward smoothly moved me out of the vampire huddle. And the baby did kick for them once, though it was only Esme's hand that felt it. Edward looked disappointed that he'd missed it.

And Carlisle made fresh notes in my file.

"This would confirm, given the size, and the activity, that while this pregnancy is definitely progressing more quickly than an all human one, it is still following the same pattern of development." His head was bent over the folder as his hand flew over the page in an almost invisible blur.

"And that's good, right?" I asked and Carlisle smiled.

"That's good, yes."

"And Charlie knows now? Is he excited?" Esme asked.

"He knows, and yeah, he's excited ... _now_," I smiled and Esme looked a bit puzzled at my emphasis.

"He was a little concerned, at first, about our motivation for getting married," Edward elaborated and she nodded, understanding.

"Should we mention Sue?" I asked Edward quietly, knowing that everyone else would hear us anyway. Edward looked to his family, gathered around on the sofas and chairs and shrugged.

"Sue Clearwater was visiting Charlie. She knows something is going on, but doesn't know exactly what. She plans to ask Charlie about it tomorrow. I don't think it's a problem."

Carlisle nodded. "I agree, none of the conditions of the treaty have been broken. If they want to know what's going on, we'll tell them." He spoke confidently and I smiled, glad that he shared Edward's relaxed attitude. I'd been concerned that Edward's euphoria might have been blinding him to a real problem.

I started yawning, suddenly tired. That happened a lot these days - sudden waves of heavy tiredness enveloping me from out of nowhere.

"I think I might ... ," Before I could finish my sentence Edward had swung me into his arms and was heading towards the stairs.

"Edward, I _can_ walk."

He smiled and kissed me quickly. "I know. But I like this."

I had fallen asleep with Edward curled around me. He'd been hoping the baby would try to get his attention again, but it seemed he or she had gone to sleep too.

When I woke, the sun was pale in the sky and I was alone.

I got out of the bed, yawning, and opened the door. Pulling on my robe I stepped into the hallway and looked towards the stairs. The house sounded empty.

Then I heard it.

The front door crashed open and just a second later, Edward was bounding up the stairs, soundlessly, three at a time, hair flying and a grin stretched across his face.

He lifted me up and kissed me. There were flecks of paint in his hair and on his hands.

"It's finished," he breathed as his lips pressed against my ear. I was laughing, at his mood as much as his icy breath tickling my skin.

"What's finished?"

"Nursery." He was kissing my neck now. "Nursery's finished. Come and see."

He swung me into his arms and began to bound back down the stairs, before stopping suddenly and slowing his pace.

"Sorry," he smiled apologetically.

Outside he moved quickly but smoothly through the trees to the cottage and I thought he might set me down once we were inside, but no.

"Close your eyes," he whispered. Without my sight to tell me otherwise, it didn't even feel like he was moving, but a moment later when he told me to look, we were in the nursery.

"Oh, Edward. It's ... just ... wow! Amazing!"

"Really?" He seemed shy now as he set me on the floor.

"Really. Did you do this last night?"

His arms went around me. "Yes."

It was as though the meadow had been moved inside. Edward had captured the trees, the grass and flowers, the peaceful atmosphere perfectly. I walked over to one wall to examine more closely. I could almost feel the knots and whirls in the wood, and the dusty softness of the flower petals. I shook my head in disbelief. Somehow, he'd also managed to capture a feeling of light and space, depth and distance. I looked up to the soft blue with a gentle dusting of clouds and believed the ceiling was the sky. It was perfect.

And as if on cue, the baby gave its opinion.

"Ooh, quickly, Edward." He was across the room with his hands on my belly before I'd even finished my words. We both gasped at the little thumps and then my breath caught as I turned to see the look on Edward's face.

He was radiating pure joy, his eyes were filled with awe, but there was also a deep contentment, and I took my hand from where it sat covering his, and cupped his face, my thumb running over his skin. He turned his head and kissed my palm before pulling me into a hug.

"Do you want to move the rocking horse in, now?" I whispered.

His eyes lit up. "We could, couldn't we?"

I nodded.

"And your rocking chair," he added.

"And the crib will be here in a few days, and the things we bought in Seattle ... "

"All we need is the baby," Edward laughed.

"What are we going to do for the next six months while we're waiting?"

"Five and a half months." He ran his nose along my neck and down across my shoulder. "And we'll find something," he said softly as I shivered. He pulled away and disappeared into the living room, returning a vampire second later with my rocking chair.

"Um, where?" he asked, looking around.

"Maybe that corner?" I pointed towards the corner opposite the door. Edward placed it there and we both stood back and studied it. A single chair in an otherwise empty room. We started laughing.

"I'll go and get the horse now. Wait here?"

I nodded and laughed again. "Where else am I going to go?" He grinned, kissing me before he disappeared.

I stayed there in the nursery, looking around. His work was exquisite, there was no other word for it. The painstaking detail in the veins of every leaf, the grain and knots of the trees, individual blades of grass. I noticed there was a squirrel nestled in one of the branches and I smiled. He'd put his heart and soul into this. This wasn't just a work of art, this was a work of love. I could feel it, surrounding me, and I sighed, wondering if my human heart was capable of containing this amount of feeling. Surely it would burst soon.

Then suddenly, he was behind me, balancing the rocking horse effortlessly in his arms.

"Under the window?" he asked and I nodded, yes.

We stepped back to admire. Now there was a chair and a horse.

"Well, it's a start." Edward was beaming and so was I.

"I like the squirrel," I said, pointing.

"Thank you. I like the frog."

"What frog?"

"There." He pointed down low and yes, hiding amongst the blades of grass was a frog.

"Oh, I didn't seen him." My eyes were scouring the art now, searching for other treasures he might have hidden. "Is there anything else?"

"Yes, there's an owl." He took my hand and we walked to the wall opposite the door. Sitting on a branch, was a small grey-brown owl. So perfect in its detail, it could have been real. Just like the squirrel and the frog - they could all have been real.

"And there's a deer, there." He moved towards an area near the window. A young deer was peeking shyly from behind a tree, its head cocked at an angle of tentative curiosity. My mouth was hanging open - it was beautiful. And how had I not seen them? I supposed it was like in a real wood, you had to look for what was there.

"I thought the baby might like to look at them." He gave a half shrug and smiled at me.

"The baby will love it." So much better than purple and orange farmyard animals with cartoon faces. "But we might have to point the animals out, they're hidden pretty well."

"Well, if the baby has heightened senses, as we expect, it will probably see them without too much difficulty."

"Oh, sure, of course." I nodded - hadn't thought of that.

I put my arms around his neck.

"I love you, Edward." There was so much I wanted to say, but I just didn't have the words and _I love you_ was the best I could manage. But he seemed to understand - and I knew he felt the same. I could see it in his eyes and feel it in his hands on me. His love was vibrant ... and alive. I rested my head on his chest and just let the feeling flow through me. Through us.

After a while I lifted my head.

"Shall we go call Renee?" I asked. Now that Charlie knew, it was only right that she should, too. And I _wanted_ to tell her.

Edward tried to sound casual, not wanting me to feel pressured. "If you wish," he said smoothly, but the sparkle in his eyes betrayed him.

We didn't bother with the honeymoon baby story. I simply told Renee we were having a baby, due in March, and we were both very excited. Edward could hear her through the phone. She was shocked, stunned and startled. I held my breath, waiting for the explosion, the lecture about ruining my life. Edward's hand was tight on mine and I wished he could read minds through the phone. Then suddenly there was a squeal of excitement and she told me she'd known all along, and started talking about baby yoga, vitamins and whale music in the delivery room. And apparently she'd kept some of my baby things and promised to send them right away. The call ended with her making us promise that the baby would call her Renee, not Grandma.

The parcel from my mother arrived three days later, along with the crib, our purchases from Seattle ... and the wolves.

I woke up and the bed was empty beside me. That was the second time in a week and I wondered what Edward had been up to while I'd slept this time. I pulled on my robe as I walked into the hallway, waiting to see if Edward came bounding up the stairs with another, new surprise. But he didn't.

There were large windows facing from the hallway out over the front lawn and I could see something happening out there. I moved for a closer look and heard myself gasp.

Billy Black was in his wheelchair on the lawn, Sam Uley stood to one side, Seth Clearwater stood the other. Behind them, a little distance back, were two enormous wolves - one grey, one brown. I didn't recognise them.

Carlisle and Edward were standing on the grass, facing them, and I could just make out Emmett and Jasper, arms folded across their chests, standing behind them on the steps of the porch.

I turned quickly, wanting to go down and see what was happening, but Rosalie was there, right beside me, and her arms snapped out to stop me.

"Agh, I should be used to sneaky vampires by now," I muttered as I stepped back from her grasp. "What's going on, Rose?" I tried to push past her. Useless of course.

"Just wait, Bella, and we'll tell you."

At that moment Alice appeared, rubbing her fingers into her temples, frowning.

"I can't see a thing, it's like being blind. I wonder if this is what a migraine feels like?"

The wolves always left her feeling this way, disoriented and uncomfortable without her second sight. I reached out a hand to her and she smiled. But I still had a question.

"They've heard about the baby, I guess?"

Rosalie nodded as she waited a moment to make sure I wasn't going anywhere.

"Charlie's told Sue. Of course, she told the wolves. They've just come to find out what they can, like we expected. So far, everyone's calm."

"Calm? There's nothing to be _un-_calm about. Having a baby doesn't break the treaty."

"I know. But it's unexpected, and they want to be sure ... ," here her eyes clouded with some emotion, I couldn't pick it. "They want to be sure that the baby won't pose any risks to anyone." There was an edge to her voice. Rosalie was just as protective of this baby as we were.

"What risks? What do they ... oh, I see. They know the myths about evil vampire babies, right?"

She nodded. "And they're worried that you're in danger, too."

"Then I have to go down, so they'll see I'm okay."

She was shaking her head as Alice spoke up.

"I don't think Edward would want that Bella. Not right now."

"It's not Edward's decision." I tried to move past but they both reached out to stop me.

"No, it's not his decision," Rosalie spoke firmly. "But it _is_ his baby, as much as yours. He doesn't want either of you in danger." She smiled as her eyes flickered to my middle and I knew she meant well. The baby had brought out a softer side in Rosalie.

"She's right, Bella." Alice was smiling weakly as she took my hand gently in hers.

I sighed. it wasn't just me I had to consider now. But I wanted to help. If they could just see I was alright ...

"Rosalie, Edward has heard our whole conversation hasn't he?"

"Probably, yes."

"So he knows I want to come down, but he isn't rushing up here to stop me."

She looked at Alice, then they both looked at me through narrowed eyes.

"Maybe I could just go down and see if it's safe to go on the porch with Jasper and Emmett, just so Billy and Sam can see me."

They seemed to be considering for a moment. Then Rose dropped her arm from mine and Alice let go of my hand.

"Okay, but let me help you down the stairs."

"Rose, I'm pregnant, not an invalid."

She looked at me uncertainly. "Well, be careful, then." I rolled my eyes as I tugged my bathrobe around me.

Edward met me at the bottom of the stairs, his face was anxious, eyes dark. I was aware of Rosalie and Alice behind me. Esme was watching from the living room, her face worried.

"Rosalie told me what's going on," I said.

He nodded. "Is there anything I can do to convince you to stay inside without an argument?" His eyes were pleading.

"Is there any danger to me or the baby if I just come out on the porch with you and Jasper and Emmett? So they can see I'm alright?"

He seemed a little surprised at my response, obviously expecting more of a fight.

"Bella, the two wolves they've brought with them are young. I can see in their minds, the grey one, in particular, is unpredictable and volatile, even Sam is wishing he hadn't brought him. I've already suggested that they come back another time to see you, without the escort ... ,"

"But if the younger wolves are nervous, shouldn't they see for themselves that nothing's wrong?" I wasn't challenging him, I was asking him, and through his surprise I could see him considering. "I know you won't let anything happen to me, Edward."

He sighed again and rubbed his hand over his face. A slightly defeated look flickered through his eyes. "Alright, but please, be guided by me on this?" He bent his legs a little so he could look directly into my eyes, pleading, his hands gripping my upper arms. I had a clear view of his anxiety and I touched his cheek. He took a breath. "If I say come back inside, you come back inside." His eyes bored into mine. "And if you don't ... I _will_ make you."

His voice was low, serious, and his eyes were hard and unflinching as they bored into me. I realised I was biting my lip as I nodded. He was searching my face. "I will not risk you, Bella. Either of you." His gaze moved to my bump.

"I promise, Edward. I'll let you lead this."

He studied me a moment longer, then his eyes softened a little. He let out a breath and the corner of his mouth raised slightly in the suggestion of a smile, but then his jaw set again. He straightened and with one arm wound firmly around my waist, he walked with me onto the porch.

Jasper and Emmett each stepped to the side so they were flanking us. Carlisle stayed on the lawn, but moved closer. I could see Siobahn's letter in his hand and frowned. The letter that held information to be kept discreet and confidential. I wondered what had happened that would make him and Edward feel it necessary to share that with them.

I noticed Emmett flexing his huge arms and pullling himself up even taller. And I could feel Edward's muscles flex and tighten against me. He'd pulled me so close I was almost part of him, his hand splayed across my belly in a gesture that was clearly as possessive as it was protective. From the corner of my eye I saw him pull his shoulders back and take a deep breath and his chest expanded wide. I fought a smirk - we had quite the display going on.

Billy, Sam and Seth were still in position on the lawn. Their wolfish guard stood a good distance back and Sam was angled so he could watch them as well as us. I took a deep breath.

"Hi, Billy, Sam. Hey, Seth." I smiled widely, showing them I was alright.

"Bella, congratulations." Billy smiled at me. "You're looking good."

Sam nodded and Seth was grinning. "Hi, Bella!" He gave a little wave.

"Hi! I_ am_ good, thanks Billy. I feel fine. So, what are you guys doing here so early?" My eyes wandered to the two wolves who had started to move a little closer. I felt the tension rippling through Edward. A snarl was rumbling deep within him, barely contained. I glanced up at his face and was startled to see his top lip starting to curl back over his teeth, just a little. I swallowed, it was rare that I saw that face. Suddenly, his expression recovered, and I looked back to Billy as he continued to speak. A gesture from Sam sent the wolves back to their place.

"Sue told us your news, and then I got a call from Charlie, he's real excited. We were just coming to ... ," Billy paused and shrugged a little. "I'm here as your father's friend, Bella. Charlie doesn't know the full story, so I figured it fell to me to make sure you were _really _okay," he finished with a smile.

"Well, as you can see ... ," Without thinking I started to take a step forward, but Edward hissed.

"Bella!" And his arms locked around me as the grey wolf bared its teeth, lowering its head and giving a soft growl. Beside us Emmett and Jasper moved closer, Jasper murmuring something which I didn't understand but to which Edward gave a quick nod of acknowledgement. Sam turned around and quietened the wolf with a glare and some harsh words. I realised now that Edward's display of muscle wasn't just for show. His arm was like a steel cable around me and he was pulling me back as he positioned himself in front of me slightly.

"Er, did Edward and Carlisle explain everything?" I asked from around Edward's shoulder. The muscles of his back were coiled tightly under my hands. I kept my eyes on the wolf a moment longer before looking again at Billy, wondering how he'd interpret Edward's actions.

"Yep. Sounds like everything's going to be fine." Billy nodded and smiled.

I grinned, relieved. "That's right. Everything's going to be fine." I spoke firmly. Did you hear that, snarly wolf?

Billy's smile widened. "And I'm glad you're okay, Bella. Sue told us you looked good, we just wanted to make sure."

"I appreciate that, Billy." I kept smiling. "So, um, how's things?" I wanted to keep this as friendly as possible.

"Things are good. Jacob might be coming home soon." Billy's face lit up and my heart twisted just a little as Edward's muscles contracted even more.

"He was interested to hear about the baby." Sam spoke quietly.

Ah, that's right, the telepathic powers between the wolves could reach for hundreds of miles. Even in the depths of Canada where Jake was roaming, he would have heard our news. That threw me a little. I missed my friend, I'd not seen him for four months and our parting hadn't been happy. I wondered what he'd make of this new development. If he came back, would he want to see me? Would I want to see him? Yes, but not if it was any risk to the baby or Edward, I decided.

"Well, you'll make sure he knows everything's okay, won't you?"

Sam nodded. "Will do."

"Well, we'd better go. Sorry to wake you, Bella." Billy reached down to the wheels of his chair.

"Bye, Bella." Seth waved again and I waved back as Edward walked with me back inside.

"Are you coming upstairs?" I asked.

"In a moment." his eyes were bright and dark. If he'd been human, I would've said the adrenalin was pumping. "I'll just finish up down here."

"Good. And then you'll explain everything _else_ that happened before I came down." I raised my eyebrow at him and he gave me his blank _I don't know what you mean _expression. I raised a second eyebrow. He sighed.

"Yes, alright. But will you please go upstairs, now?"

I kissed him quickly on the lips and nodded.

"And be careful on the stairs."

I made sure he heard my groan.

The wolves had gone and Edward was stretching out on the bed beside me, pulling me against him. "So ... tell me. I know there was more to it than offering congratulations and checking that I was alright." He was agitated and distracted and I wanted to know why.

Edward's head nuzzled into my neck and he let out a sigh.

"Bella, if I told you everything was fine would you let it drop?"

"No. We don't do things that way anymore, remember?"

He sighed again. "I know," he said and rolled onto his back, lacing his fingers behind his head as he stared up at the ceiling where a feint pattern of sunlight was flickering. There was something else to all this.

"Sue told Billy you were pregnant as soon as she heard it from Charlie. And, like we first thought when we found out, they didn't think a vampire could father a child ... ,"

"You mean like _you_ first thought," I interrupted him with a grin and a poke to the ribs as I sat up to see his face better.

He smirked. "Point taken. But some of them assumed that if you _were _pregnant, then maybe the myths and legends were right, and you were carrying ... ," he paused and his lips thinned and his brow furrowed. I finished the sentence for him.

"Maybe I was carrying a monster."

He nodded. I reached out a hand, resting it on his chest, smiling, encouraging him. After a moment he continued.

"In a way, I can understand that. As you pointed out, it was my first assumption, too. And their first concern was for you, that you were in danger, even though Sue had told them you looked well and seemed happy." He took a breath and the tendons in his neck and jaw strained with tension. I continued to stroke my fingers over his chest, moving my hand and slipping it under his shirt so I could feel his skin. So he could feel mine.

"I _am_ happy."

He seemed to calm a little and he let out a breath and kept talking. "And their next concern was that the baby might be a risk to human safety."

"Like the ones in the myths."

He nodded. "Like the ones in the myths. Billy and Sam just wanted to find out the truth and what our plans were, as we expected they would. But some of the others ... " he paused and closed his eyes for a moment. "Some of the others were demanding action. They believed the treaty had been broken."

I didn't get that. "Why? Isn't the treaty about not killing humans and not creating new vampires?"

His eyes opened and he looked at me. He was angry, and the set of his face had changed. His jaw, the planes of his cheeks, had become sharper, harder. His nostrils flared slightly and his words came through clenched teeth.

"They reasoned that by deliberately impregnating you with my evil spawn, I _was_ creating a new vampire, and willingly allowing it to kill you in the process. Apparently I had ticked both boxes in my quest to breed a vampire army."

I was shocked and angry. My gasp was audible and I could feel the fury coursing through him. I realised his hands were no longer laced behind his head but were gripping the iron bed frame - I could see the bar bending slightly. His eyes were nearly black. But there was something else there too, in amongst his anger. Edward was hurt.

He had expected the Quileute's to be curious, he'd assumed that they'd want to know and he'd been prepared to answer their questions, but that they would believe him capable and willing of such a dreadful thing would have cut him deeply. Very deeply.

"How ... who? You said not Billy or Sam. Not Seth?"

"No, not Seth, either. They were just curious, as we expected. But the others ... did you know there are more wolves now? And they ...," he trailed off. "Sam needed to raise their concerns with me, so he could take back proof that they were wrong."

"But how could they even ... ," I stopped fuming. My own anger wasn't going to help him. Instead I laid down beside him and nestled into his side.

"Oh, Edward ... love."

It was the first time I'd ever used that endearment, the one he used for me so often. He turned his face to me quickly, surprised, and suddenly, the anger started to fade away from his eyes. His body relaxed, just a little, and he smiled softly as I continued to massage long strokes over his chest.

"But they'll know the truth now, won't they?"

He was nodding as he looked back at the ceiling. He let go of the bed frame and brought one arm down and placed his hand over mine on his chest.

"They'll know the truth, now, yes. Although the grey wolf, Zeke, doesn't _want _to be convinced. He's looking for a fight, I could see from Sam's thoughts he might be a problem. He's looking at ways to deal with him."

I nodded. "So, Sam will look after Zeke and we'll just stay away from La Push." I said simply and he gave me another soft smile. "It'll be alright, Edward."

He nodded and sighed. "I think the t-shirts helped a bit."

T-shirts?

"What t-shirts?"

A small smirk. "Didn't you notice? Emmett was wearing his _World's Greatest Uncle_ t-shirt. It raised a few eyebrows with our visitors.

I gave a quick laugh. "Really? Did he put it on specially?"

"No, he was already wearing it. Jasper had his on, too, except he'd crossed out _Second Greatest_ and written _Favourite_ in permanent marker. He and Emmett were fighting over the alteration when the wolves arrived. They were a bit ... surprised."

I laughed and he gave a weak smile before sighing heavily and turning onto his side, curling into me. I wrapped my arms around him and he rested his head against my chest, listening to my heart. I hugged him, stroking the back of his neck and placing soft kisses on his cheek, forehead and hair, telling him I loved him. Gradually, I felt the tension leave him, the anger and hurt fading away.

We stayed quiet like that for a while, until I thought it was time for something happier.

"Edward, I've been thinking."

"Mm?" He was still nestled tight in my arms, cuddled against me.

"What do you think of Basil, for a boy?"

He lifted his head and looked into my face, startled. That got his attention off the wolves.

"Basil?" Now he was frowning. Those perfect eyebrows were pulled together and I smoothed my finger over the crease they'd created. "Er, Bella ... you're not serious, are you?"

I shrugged. "Okay, not Basil. How about Marmaduke? Or Bertha, for a girl?"

That crooked smile was starting to appear, the light was coming back in his eyes. My heart did a little skip.

"Bertha?"

I nodded, grinning, and suddenly, he grinned back, eyes shining.

"Yes, alright. I like Bertha. Well, that's decided then." He laid down on his back, smirking.

"What? No!" I was laughing as I grabbed a pillow and hit him over the head. He couldn't out-joke me. He threw up his arms to deflect the feathery blows, and tried to talk through his own laughter. He rolled across the bed, trying to get away from me, because after all, I was such a threat.

"And I think we should have Crispian for a boy. Or maybe Algernon. Oh, I know Bella, how about Crispian Algernon Cullen? I think it has a good ring to it, don't you?"

I loved seeing him like this, happy and playful, and I was laughing so hard now I almost fell off the bed. Edward's hand snapped out and grabbed me, pulling me into his lap. He kissed the top of my head.

"Edward, we are not calling the baby Crispian or Algernon."

"No?"

"No!"

His chuckles slowly quietened. "Well, what do you want to call him, or her?" His arms were around me, his hands resting on my bump. I leant my head back against his shoulder.

"Well, I have a few ideas."

"Will you share?"

"They're nothing too outrageous. I kind of like the classics."

"Bella ... ," his voice was stern and I twisted my head around to look up at him. His face was serious, but his eyes were shining through his dark lashes and there was just the hint of a smirk on his lips. "Love, we are not calling the baby Mr Darcy."

A giggle erupted from my chest. "What about Heathcliff, then?"

He groaned a laugh and rumpled my hair with his hand.

"No. No Heathcliff. And no Mr Bingley, or Edmund, or Romeo ... ,"

"Okay, okay, I get it," I grinned. "But we probably should make a list sometime."

"I already have," he said shyly.

"Have you, where?" My eyes flicked to the desk but he tapped his finger to his temple.

"Oh. Well come on, lets have them." I settled deeper into his lap, but turned myself sideways enough so I could see his face. His eyes softened and his shyness seemed to increase.

"I suppose, being somewhat a product of my time, I mostly like classics, too."

"Mm ... ?"

He dropped his eyes and sounded uncertain. "They might be old-fashioned, but I like Charlotte and Susannah."

I nodded, smiling. "They're both lovely names, Edward."

He looked up, pushing back his hair and gave me a quick smile. "And Grace and Emma. Maybe Sophia."

"I like those, too. And Elizabeth." I added his mother's name to the list and his smile was warm.

"And Elizabeth," he said softly.

"Are you hoping for a girl?" There were no boys names among his list.

"No, not necessarily. I'll be delighted with whatever we're given. I do have a boys list, too."

I reached up and tapped his temple. "Tell me."

Another breath. "More classics, I'm afraid." I nodded for him to continue. "William, Alexander, Angus." He shrugged. "Not too old-fashioned?"

"Not at all." I smiled. "But you said you _mostly_ like the classics. Are there others you like?"

He shifted a little awkwardly. "Well, I do like Zoe, for a girl. It's Greek, it means life."

I smiled. I could see how he'd like that.

"But it might be a bit ... unusual, I don't know." He shrugged again. "I've never had to name anyone before. I wouldn't want my choice to be responsible for any schoolyard teasing."

My heart swelled for the man holding me. How he had ever thought he was a monster, I'd never know. I reached my fingers to his face and stroked his cheek.

"I don't think it's too unusual." I gave a small laugh. "It surprises me though, that you think it is. You were around through the sixties and seventies, you would have come across names more unusual than that."

He grinned. "I did encounter the occassional _Moonbeam_ or _Starshine_, yes."

"And they're not on your list?" I opened my eyes wide in mock surprise.

"No, they're not," he laughed. "Although, there was _one _name I liked ... ," he paused a moment. "Patchouli."

"Pat ... what?"

"Patchouli. For a girl."

"You mean like the oil, or the incense?"

"I was thinking more of the flower." His fingers were playing over the exposed skin of my knee and he didn't look at me. He was shy again.

"Oh. The flower." Wow, he'd surprised me. Maybe there was a bit of the hippy in Edward after all.

"Are you _sure_ there's no cheesecloth or lovebeads hidden in your closet?" I teased and he chuckled.

"No, none at all. I promise."

I said the name a couple of times in my head - Patchouli. It was pretty. "Do you want to add it to the list?"

He twisted his lips as he thought. "I don't think so. Like Zoe, it might be too unusual. It's just a name I heard once and I liked it."

He smiled at me and looked down again, his long fingers started playing with the tie of my robe. "So what's on your list, Bella?"

I nestled against him and his lips placed a small kiss on my temple.

"Well, I like the names you've mentioned, but I also like Edward." I looked up at him, to see his reaction. He seemed curious, eyebrows pulled together just slightly.

"You mean, name him after me, if he's a boy?"

"We could. It's always been a favourite name of mine."

He considered for a moment. "That was the thing to do, in my time. Name the son for the father."

I nodded. I knew his father's name had been Edward, too.

"Your name becomes a big part of who you are, Bella ... I actually think it's good for a person to have their _own_ name. I'd prefer not to use Edward."

"Oh, okay. Well, maybe as a middle name, then?"

He smiled and curled his finger around some stray hair by my cheek. "Maybe." He kissed me quickly on the lips. "Tell me more from your list."

"Well, I like Sara, Paul ... ," I paused. "And Masen."

His eyesbrows shot up. "Masen?"

I nodded, biting my lip. "For a boy. I know it's not a regular first name, but lots of people use surnames for first names now. It's just a thought, something to consider."

He kissed me very tenderly. "It is definitely something to consider." And he rested his forehead against mine.

He kissed me a little more before pulling back to trace circles over my shoulder with his lips. His hand had already brushed aside the bathrobe.

"Or we could name it after a place, somewhere special to us." I murmured as his icy lips left a trail of heat over my skin.

He chuckled, the sound vibrating against me. "You want to call the baby _Meadow_?"

I laughed. "No, not meadow."

"Biology Lab 3?" He lifted his head and looked at me, eyebrow cocked.

"No!"

"Volvo ... ?"

We were laughing again, just as the baby gave a strong little thump.

"Ooh..." I sat up quickly in Edward's lap and banged my shoulder into his rock-hard jaw. "Ow!" That was going to bruise.

"Bella!"

"Fine, fine, I'm fine."

Quickly I grabbed his hand that was rubbing my shoulder and pressed it hard on my belly. And, sure enough, yes, another thump. Edward's eyes melted into mine.

"You know what this means, Edward?"

"What?"

"I think the baby actually liked Volvo."

He laughed. "It could be worse."

"You think so?"

He nodded. "It could have kicked on Bertha."

We were still laughing when Edward suddenly looked towards the door.

"Come in, Alice," he spoke at normal volume and quickly adjusted my robe as the door opened. Alice came in smiling, carrying a brown, paper parcel.

"Is everything alright?" she asked, referring I assumed, to Edward's earlier mood.

"Yes, everything's fine," Edward answered and turned to me, rumpling my hair again. "My wife always makes everything better."

I rolled my eyes at him and he grinned. "But it's true, you do," he whispered as he kissed my ear.

"This came for you, Bella." Alice handed me the parcel and I recognised the writing straight away.

"Oh, from Renee. It must be my old baby stuff."

"Ooh, can I stay?" Alice sat on the bed without waiting for an answer.

I pulled open the parcel. "Baby blankets!" There were two. Both were white, but one had blue bunnies on it and the other had yellow ducks. There was a note tucked inside and I read it out.

Dear Bella,

I'm so happy for you and Edward. I didn't keep as much baby stuff as I'd thought, just these two blankets. They are special, though. Charlie and I bought them together the day I found out I was having you. I also kept Lumpy, your stuffed camel, but the moths got to him and he's lost an ear and a hump, sorry. Í've included a couple of other things that might be useful. Can't wait to see you, honey,

Love, Mom

I wondered what the other things would be as I turned to look at Edward. He was looking at Alice. Alice was looking at the little yellow ducks.

"Bella ... ," Edward faced me grinning. "This is the blanket from Alice's vision."

My mouth dropped open. "Really?"

He nodded. "The one where I'm holding the baby in the nursery."

"He's right." Alice had finished her examination of the little blanket. "It is the same one."

I smiled and picked it up to have a closer look.

"I wish I could see your vision, Alice," I said softly as my finger traced one of the ducks."

"You'll see the real thing, soon, love," Edward said gently as he reached over and kissed the top of my head. I smiled at him. "What else has she sent you?" He rummaged through the wrapping and pulled out a book.

"Chanting for Childbirth," he looked at me, eyebrows raised before picking up the next thing. A CD. "Whale Song for the Delivery Room."

I shrugged. "Renee." What more could I say?

"Are you going to chant to whale music while you're having the baby?" Alice looked confused.

I shook my head. "I wasn't planning to,"

"Oh, I don't know, love, it might be worth a try. I could play the piano and we could chant together." Edward's eyes were sparkling as he chuckled.

"Ooh!" Alice leapt off the bed and clapped her hands. "It's here!" she yelled as she ran out of the room.

"What's here?" Edward looked excited too as I asked him.

"A delivery van's just driven into the driveway. It sounds like the crib is arriving." He cocked his head slightly. "Now there's a second van, probably the things we bought in Seattle."

"Oh!" I was excited now, too.

He tugged on my hand. "Come on Mrs Cullen, time to watch your handyman husband assemble a crib."

I couldn't wait to see that. We got off the bed and he pulled me into a warm hug.

"Bella," he whispered as he kissed along my jaw.

"Mmm, Edward ... ,"

"You never did buy me that toolbelt, love."


	17. Chapter 17: Baths and Baby Showers

**All things Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended.**

* * *

"You're loving this, aren't you?" The irritation in my voice was clear, but Edward just smiled.

"Every second." The smile went up a notch, becoming a grin and his eyes were brimming over with love as I just shook my head at him.

"Alright. But no more_ pant pant blow_, okay? I feel stupid enough without the sound effects."

I was sprawled awkwardly over a brown, vinyl bean bag, while Edward squatted in front of me, our hands gripping each other's forearms. His thumbs were stroking gently over my skin. In the background the natural childbirth DVD was playing. The one he'd bought as part of our baby preparation.

_The bean bag helps support the mother while she uses gravity to reduce the strain on her back and body._

_So, once more, in position and ... pant, pant, blow._

I rolled my eyes.

_Excellent! Now, lets try a more upright approach._

Edward helped me up and we followed the midwife's instructions. I linked my fingers around his neck, his hands were on my hips, and keeping a space between us I rocked from side to side. Edward swayed with me, gently. I was enjoying watching the movement of his body and after a moment I pulled myself closer, angling my bump slightly, so I could press myself against him.

"I think I like _this_ position," I smiled and rested my cheek against his chest, bringing my arms down to wrap around his waist. His arms went around me, holding me close and rubbing my back while a contented purr rumbled deep within him.

"Me too," he said and I could feel his lips in my hair. "But I don't think it will help prepare you for labour."

I shrugged, just enjoying the feel of him. "From what I've heard, there _is nothing_ that can prepare me for labour."

For some weeks I had been bombarded with every gory, gruesome birth story that Forks had to offer.

My bump was obvious now. Very obvious. It was December, and at four months along I looked more like six or seven. Our news had spread quickly, once an excited Charlie shared it with a few friends, and the rumour mill went into overdrive. But once the town got over the delicious gossip that Bella and Edward obviously _had_ to get married, I was a beacon for well-meaning pats on the tummy and horror tales of twenty hour labours, forceps, incontinence and varicose veins.

It only happened when I was on my own, of course, because Edward had quickly become expert at politely deflecting the unwanted touches and comments from people who now saw my belly as public property. He always had one arm clamped firmly around my waist as we walked, or he'd stand behind me, arms reaching around with hands resting on my belly. But it probably wasn't necessary - the aura of protectiveness and possessiveness he radiated kept most people from getting too close or saying too much.

The DVD droned on in the background, but I was happy resting against Edward, his hands still rubbing gently over my back. I was making little rocking movements, hoping to give the impression I was still practicing, sort of. I didn't think Edward was fooled.

"What are you laughing at?" he asked softly as I chuckled quietly to myself.

"Just thinking about the way you get people to back off when they start with the belly touches and the baby talk."

"Oh."

I laughed some more.

"And?"

"And that night at the movies."

"Ah, yes." I could hear the smile in his voice as he remembered, too.

"You had a very un-Edward moment."

And his smile turned into a laugh. "You didn't seem to mind."

"No, I didn't."

Apart from the Cullens and Charlie, Angela and Jessica were the only people we told directly. Everyone else found out on the grapevine before we could deliver our news in person.

And there were no real surprises - the reaction of our friends had been as expected. Angela was surprised, but excited for us and never once questioned the reason behind our early marriage. Jessica had been positively giddy at the thought that our wedding had been shotgun, and was eager and happy to spread our news all over town. She seemed pleased for us, though, but I knew Edward wasn't revealing everything she thought.

The first time we'd all been together since our baby news became public, was one night at the movies in Port Angeles.

"Angela thinks you look lovely," Edward whispered in my ear. We were standing in the foyer, waiting while the group tried to choose between horror or action. "And Jessica is wondering if we're still having sex."

I started giggling. If only she knew. Mm, actually, maybe not.

"And Lauren thinks you got pregnant on purpose so you could trap me into marriage." There was a slight edge to his voice and I stroked his arm which was curled around my waist.

"Newton's thoughts seem to have calmed down a bit, at last." Then he sighed. "Although he's _also_ wondering if we're still having sex." I could hear the frustration in his voice. "But he and the other boys are all thinking pretty much the same thing."

"Which is?"

"_Rather you than me, Cullen_." He chuckled then. "They're all cringing at the thought of being a father at eighteen."

I shrugged, I could understand that. It would probably be the reaction of most eighteen year old boys. "And I have to say, I agree with them," Edward added.

"What?" My head snapped up to look at him. His eyes were sparkling and there was a laugh lurking at his lips.

"I'd rather it was me, too." He kissed my hair as I grinned.

"That makes two of us. Now go buy the tickets, Edward." He chuckled again as he walked over to join Mike, Ben, Tyler and Eric in the queue.

Then as Angela, Jessica and I started talking Lauren decided to join us. I didn't need to read minds to tell what she was thinking now. Her smirk was barely disguised as she'd gave me a once-over. From the corner of my eye I saw Edward's head flicker in our direction, obviously in response to her thoughts and I knew his vampire ears would be listening closely.

"So, Bella, you look well for someone so far along. Do you have stretch marks yet?"

I did. Several. Even though I'd used the special creams and oils that Renee had sent me. The marks were low down, along my sides, and Edward kissed them every day and told me they were beautiful.

"Just a couple," I shrugged.

"You'll probably get more," she'd nodded, knowingly. "My cousin's stomach looked like a road map. And even though the baby's, like, two years old now, she still has this saggy, wrinkly stomach with the lines all over it." She scrunched up her nose. "I really hope that doesn't happen to you, Bella." Her smile was poisonous. My return smile was weak. "And poor Edward, it must be really hard for him. I hope it doesn't change things between you."

And suddenly Edward was beside me and that was when he had his un-Edward moment.

He'd always been comfortable displaying his affection for me in public, but never quite like this.

He slid the movie tickets into his top pocket, then reached out two fingers and ran them slowly along my cheekbone, down to my chin. Gently, those fingers tilted my head back and he brought his hands to my cheeks, cradling my face in his palms. He lowered his mouth down to mine, slowly.

"You really are more and more beautiful, every day, Bella," he said softly, but loud enough for others to hear, as his lips teased mine a little, brushing and caressing, before his mouth finally covered mine in a deep kiss. My heart was racing and the surprise I felt at his display disappeared as my mouth moved with his and my fingers reached up into his hair. He dropped his hands from my face and instead wound his arms around me, pulling me close as he deepened the kiss even more. He bent his body over mine, my knees bending as he lowered me down, his strong arms supporting my back. My heart was hammering.

A few seconds later he pulled away and brought me back into a standing position. I rested my head against his chest, trying to catch my breath. Edward's arms hugged me tight and he rested his chin on my head. He let one hand move slowly down the side of my body, coming to rest on my belly, where he made slow, tender circles. His other hand lifted mine to his lips and he kissed my wedding ring as he smiled into my eyes. Then, he turned to the little group around us.

"Shall we go in now?" he asked casually.

Lauren picked her jaw off the floor and stalked away while Angela blushed and gave me a knowing smile. Jessica was going to need help to reel in her tongue. Mike, Eric, Tyler and Ben looked stunned.

"Guess they still are," Mike muttered as he followed the others through the heavy double doors of cinema five.

"Was that too much?" Edward whispered shyly as we walked into the theatre holding hands.

"I don't know." I was still breathless. "Did you mean it?"

"Every word and every touch."

"Then no, not too much."

The memory of that night, and what came after, would always make me smile.

"Bella, do you want to try squatting?"

That shattered the romance.

"What?"

_Squatting is another way of allowing gravity to do some of the work for you. But you'll need to practice regularly to strengthen your thigh muscles. Lets try now._

I groaned. "I've had enough for today."

"But, it's important, love. I want you to be as prepared as possible." His fingers were running through my hair.

I ran my hand over his chest and pressed my lips against his shirt, blowing warm air against him.

"As long as you're with me I'll be alright." I breathed more warmth into him and his chest expanded beneath my lips. I heard him sigh.

"But, Bella ... ," his resolve was weakening.

"No buts. I've had enough for today, and you're going away hunting tonight and I won't see you for two days and I'm not wasting our last hours together squatting on the floor."

My hands moved up to his head, tangling in his hair and he bent his face, letting his lips brush over mine. My arms wound around him, hugging him as close as I could.

"I'll miss you," he whispered, his tongue tracing my lips.

"Mm, me too." My neck arched back and he sucked gently, carefully, on the skin there.

_You're doing great._

I know!

_Now lets try some more squatting, but this time with_ ... CLICK.

Edward tossed the remote control onto the sofa. He looked down into my eyes and raised a single eyebrow, his crooked smile starting to appear at the corner of his mouth.

"Bath?" he asked softly.

I hesitated. Despite Edward's attention and affection I _was_ starting to feel self conscious about my body and I'd been avoiding our baths together for almost two weeks. But I had missed them, and by the look in his eyes, so had Edward. So I pushed my insecurities aside and grinned.

"Bath." I nodded.

And Edward's smile got brighter, and his eyes got darker, as he took my hand and led me up the hallway of the cottage.

Edward liked baths. I made that discovery while we were on Isle Esme. Before our honeymoon bathing was something he'd done for necessity, simply to wash off the day, or the residue of a hunt and he would only use the shower. But baths ... with the two of us ... he liked very much.

The water temperature meant he could stay with me, skin on skin, longer. And another thing ... he could hold his breath underwater indefinitely. I giggled as he opened the bathroom door. The cottage had finally been completed in October and I suspected the reason the renovations took longer than Esme anticipated was because of _somebody's_ post-honeymoon request for a huge tub in the bathroom.

Edward turned on the taps and put in the plug, then stepped back for me to check the water temperature. He was always concerned that his vampire skin would give a false reading of hot or cold.

"Perfect," I smiled at him as I ran my hand under the flow and then flicked some water in his face. His nose wrinkled and eyes creased as he ducked out of the line of fire and I laughed. He wiped some stray drips from his cheek and grinned.

"I'll be back in a minute," he said and suddenly he was gone and I was left wondering where he was and what he was up to. I waited a moment, then shrugged and took myself into our bedroom.

I loved our bedroom. It was all soft blues and whites, with French doors leading onto a courtyard with pond and sandy beach. It was designed around the master suite on Isle Esme and the moonlight was shining down, bouncing off the water and reminding me of our wedding night. A shiver of pleasant anticipation went through me as I started to pull off my clothes, until I caught sight of myself in the mirror.

I didn't look like I did on our wedding night.

I didn't even look like I did that night at the movies. I pulled my lips into a thin, critical line. This was why I'd been shy about Edward seeing all of me at once, lately. My belly was big and round, patterned with more stretch marks. My breasts were bigger, which was a nice change, except they looked and felt heavy and were always sore. At least my ankles weren't swollen ... at the moment - but that changed from day to day. I sighed as I pinched my cheeks. Today I was pale. Yesterday I'd been flushed. My blood pressure was all over the place - up, down - sometimes I was dizzy, it was so low, and sometimes I had headaches when it went too high. I was desperately trying not to waddle when I walked, but it was getting harder and harder each day. My legs ached, but thankfully, no varicose veins ... yet.

But Edward loved my pregnant body, he told me every day and showed it in the way he held me and touched me. He made it clear he still desired me and our love-making was just as frequent and passionate, even if he was a little more cautious. But lately I'd been hiding myself in the sheets.

I heard the water turn off and realised he'd returned from whatever he was doing. Trying to hold my shaky confidence in place I pulled on my robe and headed for the bathroom.

Candles.

Everywhere. They made a path down the hall and covered the window sill and bench in the bathroom.

Rose petals.

Floating in the water. The aroma was carried on the steam of the warm water and filled the air with soft, sweet scent.

Edward.

Standing shyly by the bath. Hands shoved deep in pockets, smiling at me as his hair tumbled over his eyes. He reached up and pushed his long fingers through the strands, exposing more of his beautiful face.

"Hi," his voice was shy now.

My heart melted. "This is really beautiful, Edward. Thank you."

Crooked smile, soft eyes. "My pleasure."

I nodded my head towards the tub.

"The roses ...?"

"Esme's garden. She won't mind."

I nodded. "I didn't realise we had so many candles."

"Left over from the wedding."

"Ah."

Silence, stillness. Shyness.

"You should probably ... the water will start to get cold." He motioned towards the tub. "I mean, if you want to ... ,"

I nodded. "I should," and my eyes dropped nervously to the tie of my robe. Then they lifted back to Edward. "But so should you." I didn't want to be the only one on display.

Immediately, he began unbuttoning his shirt. I realised I was staring as he worked down the buttons, shrugged the shirt off his shoulders and tossed it into the corner. The moonlight shining through the window bounced off his skin, accentuating the lines and planes of his perfect chest and hard torso. His hands moved to the top of his jeans, long fingers slipping the button through the hole.

I took a deep breath, he was so beautiful, and looked back at my own fingers toying with the tie of my robe. I heard the zipper of his jeans start, then I realised he'd stopped and I looked up again.

"Would you prefer me to leave while you get in?" His hands were still on his zipper, but he was looking at me, questions in his eyes. I felt like saying _yes, yes, please leave until I'm in the water and covered with rose petals and the wash cloth. _But I didn't. Instead I gave a shaky smile.

"No, it's okay, stay."

I started untying the robe and turned my body slightly, away from him. A second later he was behind me, his hands on the fabric at my shoulders.

"Allow me," he whispered and I smiled. This was good - I didn't look too different from the back. I released the tie and he pulled the robe gently from me and I saw it land a second later in the corner with his shirt.

A single, cool fingertip touched the base of my neck, made a slow circle over the skin then ran even more slowly down my spine, ending at the swell of my bottom. I shivered, my back arching a little, but I didn't turn around. I heard the rustle of denim and saw his jeans join the pile a second later. My heart started beating a wild rhythm.

His hand slowly moved my hair to the side and tucked it carefully over my shoulder. Then cool lips pressed against the back of my neck, which still tingled from his fingertip, and another shiver went through me, as he allowed his tongue a small touch of my skin.

"Are you ready to get in? I'll close my eyes if you want."

There was just a hint of something in his voice.

Hurt.

And my heart twisted as the realisation hit me - he felt rejected by my reluctance to let him see all of me, like I didn't trust him to love me. I'd never thought of it that way, I'd never meant to hurt him.

I didn't speak, but took a deep breath and stepped away, moving towards the window. Biting my lip I turned around to face him.

In the soft light I could see as the steady rise and fall of his chest faltered. Then his breathing seemed to pick up. His eyes were gleaming.

For a second I fought the urge to cover myself again. He was stunning, perfect, Adonis, and I was Dumbo the elephant.

He stared at me for a moment, his eyes taking in every inch of me. Then he realised he was staring and tried to stop.

He couldn't.

"You've never looked so beautiful," he breathed. "To see you standing there, in the moonlight, with the candles, just you, and your belly full with our child." His voice broke a little on his last words.

I smiled at him, I was starting to relax. He shook his head.

"Bella, you are glorious."

The love in his eyes, and in his voice overwhelmed me and my confidence was back, in full force.

He came to me then, wrapping himself around me and holding me to him. We stayed that way for a moment, just holding each other, skin on skin, his fingers trailing gently over my back, down to my bottom.

"So are you going to join me?" I asked with what I hoped was an impish grin as I pulled back a little.

"Yes, please," he murmured as his lips started teasing my shoulder.

In one of his heart-stoppingly smooth moves he lifted me into his arms and kissed me as he carried me to the bath. He lowered us into the warm water, settling me between his legs, my back against his chest.

"Ahh," we both sighed at once then laughed as we stretched out our legs. His hands cupped the water and he poured it over my shoulders. It felt good. His cold skin was warming up and I slid my back from side to side across his chest, illiciting a groan from him.

"This is good," I said softly.

"Mm, very good. It's been too long."

I sighed. "I know."

We were quiet for a moment, his hands had stopped pouring water over my shoulders and were massaging them instead. "You really shouldn't be shy, Bella." His voice was low, velvet.

I shrugged. "I feel a bit ... fat and lumpy."

"I think you're beautiful. And your body is just amazing." He kissed the back of my neck and I sighed.

"You always think I'm beautiful and amazing."

"Because you are. Do you really think so little of my opinion?" He was teasing now.

I laughed, shaking my head.

"You don't think you might be biased?"

"Not at all."

I laughed again and rested my head back against his shoulder. His hands trailed downwards, gently grazing my breasts as they traveled on to trace slow circles over the sides of my bump. The skin always felt tight there and his touch was soothing. My breathing was deep and relaxed.

"I'll miss you," he whispered. My fingers stroked his legs, letting my nails create a sensation he obviously enjoyed because he followed his words with a hiss. Behind me, low against my back, I became aware of just how much he liked it and I smiled. I pressed back against him and he groaned quietly as a soft shudder rolled through him.

"I'll miss you, too." I said.

I heard him swallow, hard. "Maybe I won't go. I'll just hunt in the park for a couple of hours." His hands moved to my upper arms, stroking and kneading.

I shook my head. "No. That's all you've done for months. And Emmett and Jasper will kill you if you pull out again." They were travelling further afield in search of mountain lions and Emmett and Jasper were looking forward to spending time with their brother. I twisted my head around to look at him, running my finger over the purple shadows that had been deepening beneath his dark eyes.

"You need carnivores." He gave a half shrug and took my fingers to his lips to kiss. "I'll be fine, if that's what you're worried about. Carlisle will still be here. And the baby is behaving."

He moved his hand to rest on the rise of my belly.

"It's been kicking a lot, lately," his voice was quiet.

"Yes."

"And sometimes it hurts."

Oh, he'd noticed. I shrugged. "Sometimes."

I felt his lips in my hair. "I love you so much," he whispered.

We were quiet again, my hands stroking his legs, his fingers had moved down and were massaging around my hips. Every now and then he'd place a soft kiss on my shoulder or neck. Sometimes his thighs would squeeze tight against mine or he'd tangle our feet together.

"What will you do while I'm gone? Will you see Charlie?"

"No, he's busy with Sue tomorrow and then he's fishing with Billy on Sunday."

I felt Edward nod. "Sue and Charlie are good together," he said quietly.

"Yes, they are." I was glad my dad wasn't lonely, and the few times I'd run into Sue at his house she'd been friendly. Through her, the Quileutes and the Cullens received reports on each other - and all was well. Sue and Charlie's friendship was good for everyone, not just them.

"So what will you do?" His hands were making long strokes up and down my sides now while I lay against him, breathing in the floral scent on the steam and enjoying the warm water, and a warm Edward. I moved my hands in the water and some of the rose petals began swirling as if in little whirlpools. In the candlelight it all looked so pretty.

"I don't know. I need more peanut butter and ice cream so I'll probably go to the grocery store."

"Have you finished the last lot already?" His voice was disbelieving.

"Um, yes?" My craving was becoming an addiction. I needed a bowl every morning and every bedtime. Sometimes one at lunch.

He chuckled.

"And I might go to Port Angeles with Alice."

"Hmm." He sounded doubtful about something.

"What?"

"She's been reciting a lot of French poetry in her head the last two days and I don't think it's just a new hobby."

"You think she's up to something?"

"I don't know. I don't want to think about it," he sighed. "Tell me what's in Port Angeles."

I shrugged. "I've grown out of more of my clothes so I thought, um, I might buy some new ones. Maybe just a couple of t-shirts." I shifted a little uncomfortably.

"Is that _all_ you need? A couple of t-shirts?"

I shrugged. "Maybe some pants. I don't know, I don't need much."

"Will you use your credit card?" I could hear the smile in his voice. He was teasing, and I rolled my eyes.

I was still hesitant to use his money. When I shopped, I kept things small, only using what would be covered by the amount that I contributed to the joint account.

"Yes, probably. I _have_ used it before."

"Sparingly," he muttered and I sighed.

"I know. I just ... it's ... you give me so much and I give nothing back."

There was a heavy, exasperated sigh from behind me.

"Nothing? You give nothing back?" His hands rubbed, pointedly, over my belly.

"Yes, well that works two ways, Edward. I didn't make this baby alone."

He chuckled a little and bent his head to whisper in my ear. "I know."

I nestled further against him and his voice became more serious as his hands rested over my ribs, his thumbs stroking gently.

"Bella, you've given me ... everything. You've given me _you. _That can't compete with money, love."

I sighed again. We should have this conversation on a loop.

"I wish you'd use the account, Bella."

"Okay, I'll use it."

"Mmm." He didn't believe me.

"I promise. When I'm in Port Angeles tomorrow I'll buy .... ," I searched the room and my imagination for some wildly extravegant idea. "A gold plated rubber duck!"

"A gold plated rubber duck?" That surprised him. "Interesting." He was smirking now, I could just feel it. "You do realise that gold plate won't stick to rubber? It will only stick to another metal."

I rolled my eyes. I _did_ know that.

"Solid gold, then."

"A solid gold rubber duck?"

"No. Just a solid gold duck. It can't be _solid_ gold _and_ rubber, Edward." Duh! Point to me!

He was nodding, and his chest against my back was vibrating with his supressed laughter.

"I stand corrected. But tell me, do you expect it to float? Or squeak?"

"No. It will be purely ornamental." Then an idea came to me. "I'll use it to cover the drain hole and I'll have the world's most expensive bath plug." I was nodding, smug at my cleverness. "See, practical and ornamental."

His laugh broke free and I smiled at the sound. His arms wound around me and he kissed my head.

"I don't like your chances of finding one in Port Angeles. Unless a franchise of Solid Gold Ducks R Us has opened since the last time I was there."

"Then I suppose I can't buy one. Shame, I tried to spend your money, but ... oh well."

He leant his face closer, his hands stroking softly along my arms. "You know I could have one made for you," he whispered. "Perhaps with sapphires for eyes."

My whole body tensed.

"You wouldn't."

"Oh, I would. And if you don't start using _our _money, I will." His voice was amused, low in my ear.

I twisted around to look at him. His eyes were wicked and so was the smile. Then he changed his expression, eyes opened wide, innocent.

"What?" he was pretending to be injured at the dark look I was giving him. "You said you wanted one." Then he sat back, grinned and winked. "Just use the account, Bella."

I turned back around. He would. He really would buy me a solid gold duck with sapphire eyes to use as a bath plug.

"Alright, I'll use the account."

"Thank you," he kissed my hair and I could hear the smile and feel the smug.

I let out a long breath and leant back against him, annoyed that I'd given in to his duck threat. But he had a point - I needed more than a couple of t-shirts and it was stupid not to buy what I needed out of some sort of misplaced pride. And really, that's what it was. Okay, he won.

I pressed harder against him and gave a little wiggle. He gasped and I smiled - now _I_ was a little smug.

We were quiet then, enjoying the bath and the peace, the soft light and the warmth. And each other - touches, kisses, caresses. Bliss.

"More hot, please."

He reached out one long leg and used his toes to turn the tap.

"Watch your feet," he murmured as the water flowed and I pulled my knees up. The left one had a rose petal stuck to it. Edward used his foot to swirl and mix the water then ran his toes up my leg before reaching them out to turn the tap off again.

"I wonder, when I'm back from this hunt ... Bella, will you come Christmas shopping with me?"

"Christmas shopping?"

I felt him nod. "Alice always goes all out at Christmas with a tree and presents and mostly I just buy gifts on-line for everyone. But this will be _our_ first Christmas together and I'd like to go shopping with you. Properly."

I'd never been big on Christmas, and last Christmas was the worst of all because Edward was gone. I tilted my head to see his eyes. Ah, he was remembering, too - this was important. I reached up an awkward hand and placed it on his cheek as I smiled.

"I'd like that." And he bent down to kiss my lips.

His hands roamed over my ribs, down my sides and onto my thighs, with feather soft touches. I watched his long fingers as they gently massaged my flesh.

"I love your hands," I murmured, more to myself than anything. Immediately his fingers stopped.

"Do you?"

"Mm, yes. Have I never told you?" He resumed his massage, hesitantly.

"Er, no."

"They're beautiful."

I could feel him tense, just a little bit and I wondered why my compliment had made him react that way.

"Sometimes I worry that ... ," he stopped and I waited but he said nothing more. I shifted around so I could see his face clearly, the water rippling and waving around us. As I moved he lifted his hands from me and placed them on his own thighs. He was looking at the right one, flexing his fingers.

"Sometimes you worry about what?" I was still between his legs, but I was facing him now.

"The baby will be so fragile. Even more than you, ... ." He raised his dark eyes to mine and I saw what was there. He was thinking about his strength but also what he'd done so long ago in the past. Dark times when his hands were weapons as much as his teeth. I felt an ache for him start in my heart.

I picked up his right hand and held it, tracing my finger over his palm and each finger as I studied it carefully.

"I know what these hands have done, Edward. I know what they're capable of." His whole body became rigid, like stone. "Shall I tell you?"

"I, er ... no ...," but I didn't listen. I kept going.

"These hands have saved my life, more than once. They've touched me and held me. They've made love to me beautifully. They've wiped my tears and tickled me and held my hair back while I've been sick." Through his hand I could feel the tension start to leave him just a little bit and I smiled but didn't look up at him yet. "They've cooked for me, massaged my swollen ankles and tired shoulders, they play beautiful music and create works of art. They've written me love notes, brushed my hair and assembled a baby crib." I smiled at the memory of Edward, sitting on the nursery floor, content and grinning as he put the crib together. I brought his hand to my mouth and kissed his palm. Then I took his left hand and did the same. "Such gentle, loving hands." I kissed them again, then rested them over the flat of my chest, over my beating heart. I looked up at him. "You're the gentlest person I know, Edward."

His eyes had been cast down, but now he raised them up and through his long lashes I could see them shining. There was a small, crooked smile on his lips. He leant closer, I still held his hands on my chest, and kissed me sweetly.

"Thank you," he whispered, resting his forehead against mine.

"My pleasure."

I moved his hands down just a little lower, to where the soft swell of my breasts began. He knew how tender they were, and I wanted him to understand how gentle he really was, that I wanted him to touch me there. I let his hands go. He sighed softly as his fingers moved hesitantly to massage the side of each breast. His gentle caress made me moan very quietly and my head started to tilt back on my shoulders as my eyes closed. Then he brought his thumbs around to stroke the fullness of each breast and my moan became louder. My hands began gripping his thighs, and he moved himself closer. My legs were hooked over his, and he pulled me into him, bending his head so he could capture one breast in his mouth while the other played host to his talented fingers.

"Mmm ... ." I ran my tongue over my lips and I wanted to move closer to him, but my bump was in the way, we each having to lean forward a little to reach the other. He brought his head up and caught my lips with his mouth, moving his tongue over mine, caressing, claiming. My hands began inching further up his thighs and his breathing became more ragged. I tried shifting, wanting to angle myself so I could get nearer, and Edward bent his head and began kissing my neck, sucking very lightly on the skin. My head tilted back giving him more access and he kept one hand on my back, supporting me, while the other left my breast and cupped a handful of water, bringing it up to my jaw. My eyes fluttered closed - I knew what was coming, he'd done this before. And I loved it.

Gently, he nudged my head back further and to the side and tilted his hand allowing a thin stream of water to trickle slowly down the side of my neck. Then, leaning forward, he let his tongue lick at the water as it flowed over the throbbing pulse in my throat. Sometimes long strokes, sometimes light flicks, the action, combined with the sensation of warm water and cold tongue, made me gasp and shiver and moan. My fingers dug into his thighs.

I sighed when he dropped his hand away and moved his face up to mine where he smiled and placed a gentle kiss on the tip of my nose before dropping his lips to my shoulder. I tried to press myself against him as much as I could but it was getting more difficult to move my body around these days.

"Edward?" I whispered, breathless, letting my finger nails trail along the insides of his thighs and making him moan.

"Uhh, mm?"

"It's going to get harder to make love, the bigger I get, isn't it?" My fingers reached down to that place beneath his belly button. The one that was so sensitive. The one that, when I touched him there, made him whimper.

My nails began to claw lightly over the skin, curling through the soft dusting of hair there, and he drew in a shaky breath. He pulled his hands away from me and instead gripped the sides of the bath as his hips rocked slightly and his head rolled back. My body lifted up and down with the motion of his thighs beneath mine.

And then ... he whimpered.

The soft little sound of pleasure that I loved escaped through his lips. He was breathing hard and biting his lip as he rolled his head to the side, eyes closed tight. I smiled as he slowly reached out a hand to fold over mine, stilling my fingers. He turned his head back towards me and ran his tongue over his lips as he slowly opened his eyes and watched me through heavy lids.

I knew that look and my racing heart kicked up a notch.

"Harder?" He gave a quick, distracted chuckle, still breathing heavily. He moved my hand to his chest as he came closer angling himself slightly so he could nestle his face into the crook of my neck, bringing his arms around me. "Um, it might just take a bit more manoeuvering, that's all. I'm sure we'll manage." I could feel him smiling against my skin as I ran my hand up to his shoulder. "As long as you're comfortable, that is."

"Mmm ... ," his lips were back on my throat, one hand behind me while the other drifted back to my breasts, before moving lower over my ribs.

"And there are other things we can do, and try," his voice vibrated against my skin.

"Are ... there?" I gasped.

"Mm, yes." His fingers slowly trailed lower, over my bump and beyond. "Lots of things."

Then he smoothly repositioned us so he was nestled between my thighs now and keeping his eyes on mine, he began to lower his face towards the water. He pursed his lips and blew on the surface, making a ripple effect and sending some rose petals sailing.

"I can be very creative, Bella."

The cottage seemed empty as I padded into the kitchen the next morning. Edward had gone hunting, but he'd obviously been busy while I'd slept. There were maybe a dozen jars of peanut butter on the counter and when I opened the freezer it was full of ice cream tubs. My heart swelled. He must have driven to Seattle and back during the night - nothing would have been open in Forks or Port Angeles.

I was working my way through a bowlful of my addiction as I headed into the nursery.

"Not too much longer," I smiled, patting my tummy and was rewarded with a little thump. My smile became a grin.

The nursery was complete and ready. The crib was assembled and in position, the rocking horse and rocking chair were in place. There was a simple, white chest of drawers, and a small bookcase, full of the books and stuffed toys that we'd bought. It was perfect. And then I noticed, Edward had been busy in here, too.

"When did he do that?" I mumbled as I stepped further into the room.

Butterflies. He'd added butterflies. There were three of them, in a tree near the window, looking as if they'd just flown in and landed. One had blue wings, open wide as it sat on a leaf. On a branch above was a yellow butterfly, its wings folded closed as it sat. And further up a butterfly with black and orange markings was in mid flight.

"Beautiful," I murmured, reaching out to touch them. I could almost feel the velvet on their wings. I sighed as the baby kicked again. "Your daddy loves you very much, you know," I whispered.

It gave another kick. It knew.

* * *

"Bella?"

"M mrushing teef."

"What?" Alice stuck her head around the bathroom door as I spat into the sink.

"I said, I'm brushing my teeth."

"Oh, right."

"What's up, Alice?" I dropped my toothbrush back into the holder and wiped my mouth. She looked aghast when I turned to face her properly.

"Why aren't you wearing what you bought in Port Angeles yesterday? That green silk shirt looked great on you."

"I'm only hanging around here, there's no reason to wear something new." I smoothed my hand over the comfy sweatshirt and pants.

She rolled her eyes. "There's always a reason to wear something new. Go and put it on."

I narrowed my eyes. "Why?" I remembered the French poetry. She was trying desperately to look casual, but the laugh lurking around her lips and the sparkle in her eyes betrayed her.

"No reason. But once you're properly dressed, there's something up at the house I want you to see."

"What is it?" I was frowning now.

"Just something for the baby." She was out the front door before I even realised she'd left the bathroom. But I heard her voice travel back through the trees.

"And wear the black pants!"

Twenty minutes later I waddled up the front steps of the Cullen house and through the front door. I was wearing the green shirt - it did look nice - and the black pants.

I was prepared for Alice to have bought some extravagant toy, or piece of nursery furniture but I wasn't prepared for ...

"SURPRISE!"

A baby shower.

I fought to stifle the groan that was struggling, hard, to get out. I plastered a smile on my face as I took everything in.

There were pink and blue ribbons of silk strewn about the living room. Pearlescent balloons of subtly different shades of pink and blue festooned the furniture, the stairs, the doorways and windows. No paper streamers or plain rubber balloons for this baby shower. Crystal vases holding flowers of pink and white were on the dining table, the coffee table, the mantle over the fireplace and on the edge of each step up the staircase. Alice danced over to stand beside me, her face bright with excitement. "It's hard to find blue flowers," she whispered as she saw me looking.

Over by Edward's piano, which was piled with presents, Esme and Rosalie were joined by Angela and Jessica, who seemed reasonably relaxed - it was their third time in the Cullen house, after all.

But there was also Sue Clearwater.

She was smiling, but looked a little uncomfortable and I tried to hide my surprise at her being there.

I realized everyone was waiting for me to do something, but I was a little overwhelmed. The seconds dragged as I tried to take it all in. A baby shower. Sue's here. Everyone was staring, still expecting a response - probably a positive one.

"Um, hi?" I gave a vague wave.

"You look so surprised!" Jessica grinned.

"Yeah, I am. I really am. Um, think I might just need a glass of water." I shot a look at Alice and she followed me into the kitchen.

"So this is why the French poetry?" I asked when I thought we were out of earshot.

"He told you about that, did he?"

"Yes."

She shrugged. "He would never have let me go ahead with it, otherwise."

"I wonder why, Alice?" I gave her a pointed look and she just laughed and threw her arms around me.

"Just enjoy yourself, Bella. You can't have a baby without a baby shower!"

I would have liked to try.

"And Sue?"

"A goodwill gesture," she smiled. "I know, I was surprised, too. She heard about the shower from Charlie and actually _asked_ if she could come along. She's here as his girlfriend, not as a Quileute, but she has the support of the wolves."

I was thrown again. The wolves supported her being here?

"Um, does she have an escort?"

"Seth brought her, and he'll be back to pick her up, but apart from that, no." She wrinkled her brow. "But I don't think Seth's very far away, I've gone fuzzy again." She frowned and rubbed her temples.

My head was still reeling when I realised the other thing Alice had said.

"My father knows about this? And he didn't try to stop you?" Traitor.

"No. Actually, I think he would have liked to come too." Alice was grinning again.

I was about to disagree with her statement, but then I thought of how excited he was about the baby, and decided she was probably right. The baby already had its own Junior Fisherman rod and reel.

"How did he find out?"

"I asked him for a baby photo of you that I could enlarge and put up on the wall."

I moved quickly to the doorway and my eyes darted around the living room urgently, checking. I was relieved to see no such thing.

"Well at least he didn't give you one." I turned back to face her.

"Oh no, he offered me lots. But, well, they weren't very flattering, to be honest. I thought it might be kinder to forget that idea."

"Wow, thanks, Alice."

"You're welcome!" She bubbled brightly, obviously missing the sarcasm.

I could feel the beginnings of a headache - that meant my blood pressure was probably on the way up.

I'd been tricked into attending a baby shower against my will and I'd just discovered my father knew about it. My father was a baby shower enabler! And now the wolves wanted to show support for the half vampire, half human baby. It was like being in a parallel universe. I needed a moment. I took a few deep breaths and had a long drink from the glass of water Alice handed me.

"Are you ready to go back in? I think the conversation is dying." Alice was looking through the door to the living room.

Was I ready? No.

"Give me a minute, Alice."

I gave myself an internal pep talk. It's only a couple of hours and it'll be over. It's just your friends and family. They're happy for you, they only want to show ... and then as I thought more about it, a smile started forming on my lips. A genuine one. So many people were happy about this baby, all they wanted was to celebrate. My dad, my new Cullen family, Sue, even the wolves. Whether Alice had planned it this way or not, I realised this gathering was actually more than just a baby shower. I laughed, surprised now that it had taken this long for Alice to put something together.

"Okay, I'm ready."

I walked back into the living room. There was quiet, polite chatter going on around the piano.

"Thanks everyone, this is great." I grinned.

Esme hugged me.

"I hope you don't mind too much, Bella," she whispered apologetically in my ear.

"No, not at all," I said quite truthfully and she smiled.

"You know what she's like," Rosalie smiled.

"I know."

Then I turned to Sue. "Thanks so much for coming," I said and she smiled warmly, seeming to have relaxed a little more in the last few minutes.

"You're welcome, Bella. I'm under orders to bring some cake back for Charlie," she gave a laugh and I did, too.

"Here, open mine first, Bella!" Jessica thrust a brightly coloured box into my hands.

"No!" Alice grabbed the box and put it back on the piano. "First we have games."

"Games?" Oh no. No games, not even for peace between the wolves and the vampires. My newfound happy feelings were deflating fast.

"Yes, games." Alice pulled a list out of ... somewhere. "If everyone will please take a seat."

I rolled my eyes.

"As I said ... " Rosalie whispered in my ear as she walked past me, "... you know what she's like."

I sat on the sofa with Jessica and Angela while Esme, Rosalie and Sue took the chairs. Alice had gathered the seating around the marble coffee table which was covered with a cloth to hide surprises beneath. I gave a small, internal groan and tried to imagine what the mystery shapes were beneath the silk.

We had to guess how many safety pins were in the jar, who was fastest at pinning the diaper on the baby doll, and arrange a list of nursery items from least to most expensive. I won that one thanks to my experience at _Boutique Bambino._

It was interesting to see Sue as she relaxed and began enjoying herself, even winning the diaper game and I realized she was probably the only one of us that had ever actually diapered a baby. And Esme and Rosalie tied for the safety pin guess - vampire vision of course. Angela and Jessica just laughed and seemed to be having fun.

"Do you know what you're having?" Jessica asked as Alice handed out prizes of expensive chocolates in the shapes of prams and pacifiers.

"Um, no. We decided to wait to find out." I sucked on my chocolate pram. Delicious, but it couldn't compete with ice cream and peanut butter.

"Probably a good idea. My aunt thought she was having a girl, but she had a boy, and it was awful because everything was pink! The nursery, the clothes, everything." She spread her hands out in an all encompassing gesture and nodded seriously.

"Wow, that must have been a surprise," Angela said.

"It was, and especially after the delivery she had, she couldn't believe they'd got the sex wrong as well. She was in labour for sixteen hours and in the end the doctor had to ... ,"

"Bella, have you thought of any names?" Sue cut Jessica off and I shot her a grateful smile.

"We have a few ideas, but nothing decided yet. Probably something traditional."

She nodded, smiling at me, but Jessica looked like she wanted to continue her story and opened her mouth again. "And anyway ... ,"

"Here, try a pacifier," Rosalie stood up quickly and pushed her chocolate prize into Jess' mouth.

I turned my head away, trying to hide the shocked laugh that was about to burst out. From the snorts, snickers and pretend coughs I heard around me, I wasn't alone. I snuck a peak at Jess.

"Oh, um, thanks," she mumbled through the chocolate, obviously startled, eyes huge, but she ate anyway. Her story stopped after that.

Esme brought out the finger food and mocktails with little pink and blue umbrellas. And then Alice declared it was time for the presents. She brought the gifts over from the piano and piled them on the coffee table in front of me.

"Um, me first?" Jessica looked questioningly at Alice, who just smiled and nodded.

I pulled off the paper while Jessica told me it could be returned or exchanged if I didn't like it or I already had one.

"Oh, Jess, wow. Thanks. And no, I don't have one." I was sure I didn't have one, because I didn't know what it was.

"I'm glad. I couldn't resist it," she bubbled.

"Mm, thanks."

"Wow, Bella, a giraffe baby towel cake, that's great." Alice was smiling and nodding at me pointedly.

"Oh, yes, a giraffe cake ... "

"Giraffe baby towel cake." Alice emphasised. And then I looked at it closely. Of course. It was baby towels twisted and tied into the shape of a giraffe sitting on a cake. Who thought up these things? Jessica was grinning as she itemised each part of the giraffe.

"The neck and body is made from a towel, the cake is a baby blanket, and the head is a wash cloth and the little legs are made out of burp cloths!" She finished triumphantly.

I smiled. Individually, each thing would be very useful. "It's great, Jess. Thank you." She smiled smugly as I picked up the next parcel.

Suddenly, Esme, Rosalie and Alice all looked towards the door, each with a lightning sharp move of the head. I looked in the same direction, obviously something was happening outside. Beside me, Jessica was talking to Angela, who was puzzling over the toweling giraffe. They hadn't seemed to notice anything. But Sue had, she glanced at me before looking towards the door, too.

Then, very casually, Esme rose and crossed the floor. Alice was fidgeting nervously.

"He's not listening, is he?" Esme murmured as she walked past on her way to the door. Alice shook her head and Rose rolled her eyes. But before Esme got anywhere near the door there was the sound of deep, feral snarling and crashing footsteps on the porch. Jessica and Angela looked up, startled. Jessica dropped her quiche. Sue was out of her seat and backing away towards the wall as the door burst open, almost coming off its hinges.

Edward appeared, hair windblown, eyes flashing, teeth bared, shoulders hunching over as he bent into his attack crouch. He was frightening and I gasped as I took him in. Immediately his eyes found me, and my hammering heart, and he crossed the floor to plant himself firmly in front of me. The door frame shook as Emmett and Jasper pushed through together, crouching, ready to pounce. Barely a second had passed since the door opened.

Everyone froze and there was silence. Edward's eyes were darting between Sue and me, his nostrils flaring, and suddenly I realized what had happened.

Sue lived with werewolves, she would carry their scent on her. And Seth was somewhere nearby. The Cullens had smelt wolf and thought we were under attack.

In a smooth move that wasn't even really discernable, Edward straightened, as did his brothers. Barely another second had passed. I could see the flicker in his eyes as he quickly processed the thoughts around him.

"Boo! Just thought we'd crash the party!" Emmett boomed, saving the moment, as he went to sit casually on the arm of Rosalie's chair. Jasper went to stand beside Alice.

Then Angela and Jessica started to laugh and Sue moved back to her seat.

"You scared us," Jess giggled nervously.

"That was the plan," Emmett grinned, and winked at Edward.

Edward's posture had shifted and changed completely, relaxed now where he stood. He reached down to take my hand, smiling at me as he raised an eyebrow and inclined his head slightly towards Alice and the scene around us, clearly wondering if I was okay with everything.

I smiled. "Welcome to my surprise baby shower."

My heart was slowly going back to normal. It had all happened so fast, two seconds from panic to party. I wondered how much Angela and Jessica actually noticed.

"You're back early," Alice was trying to sound bright despite her obvious annoyance at their unexpected return.

"Yeah, well, Edward got sooky so we had to come home."

Edward rolled his eyes. "I wasn't sooky, Emmett."

"Yes, you were," Jasper muttered quietly, a small smile tugging at the corner of his mouth as he leant against the fireplace.

Edward shook his head. "Well, I hope our sudden appearance hasn't interrupted things," he smiled politely at the guests. Jess and Angela assured him it was no problem at all but Alice's scowl said differently.

"It's very good to see you all ... ," he looked pointedly as Sue and she smiled, "... but now, if you'll forgive me, I'd like to hijack the guest of honour for a few moments." And he scooped me effortlessly into his arms and walked with me to the kitchen. I could hear the giggles from Angela and Jessica and cat calls and whistles from Emmett as I pressed my blushing face against his neck.

He kicked the kitchen door closed behind him and sat me on the granite benchtop, placing himself between my legs. His rested his hands on my thighs, palming me through the fabric of my pants, and he looked deep into my eyes. What I saw there made my breath catch.

"I missed you very much," his voice was rough as his lips crashed into mine as if he'd been gone two years instead of two days. I threw my arms around him and kissed him back with just as much enthusiasm. His mouth was unrelenting and I welcomed it. Two days was too long.

He pulled back so I could breathe. "And you're alright?" His eyes were searching my face.

"Yes, I'm alright. Are you?" I cupped my hand to his cheek and he closed his eyes and sighed, turning his face to my palm and inhaling deeply.

"I'm fine. And the baby?" He opened his eyes and his hand went to my belly, moving slowly, lovingly over my bump.

"Baby is fine." He nodded, smiling, watching his hand. "It likes the butterflies." I added. "We both do." He raised his eyes to mine and gave me that crooked smile.

"You noticed?"

"Yes. And I liked the ice cream and peanut butter, too. Thank you."

"You're welcome. Both of you."

I put my arms around his neck and hugged him hard. His arms were around me, rubbing my back.

"So, it seems Alice waited until I was out of the way to pounce," he murmured, frowning as he shot a quick look towards the kitchen door, probably listening to Alice's thought in the living room beyond. "Bella, I swear, if I'd known I would have .. ,"

"It's okay, Edward. Really." I touched his face again.

"Really?" He seemed surprised, eyebrows up. "Really?"

Then when I nodded, he grinned - excited now and I rolled my eyes as I realised. Of course he'd be excited about a baby shower. He was probably over the moon that he was able to join in.

"I mean, I think it's been good. Especially with Sue and the wolves and everything. Did you know she's here with their support?"

He nodeed. "She told me as soon as I arrived."

Arrived?  
"Yeah, that was some arrival, Edward."

He shrugged. No apologies.

"You thought we were under a wolf attack, didn't you?"

He didn't answer straight away, but leant his forehead against mine, staring into my eyes.

"It crossed my mind, yes."

I snorted. It did more than that.

"Didn't you hear Alice and Esme? I know they were, you know, thinking at you." I had worked out Esme's cryptic comment, _he's not listening, is he?_

"I might have missed that. I was more concerned with the scent. We all were." He closed his eyes and sighed quietly as my fingers stroked the back of his neck. "But as soon as I was through the door, I could see, and hear, that there was no danger."

"It was Sue, wasn't it? The wolf scent."

He nodded. "It was feint, but it was there." He pulled his forehead from mine and nuzzled my shoulder.

"Do you think you might have overreacted?"

"No." The conviction in that single word surprised me and he lifted his head so he could look back into my eyes. "I've told you before, Bella, I won't risk either of you. And that scent constituted a risk."

I supposed I could see his point.

"I think you scared poor Sue to death."

"I know. But she understands. I'll make sure I apologise properly."

He returned to nuzzling the crook of my neck, pushing my shirt aside with his nose so he could feel my skin.

"You look nice. Did you buy this in Port Angeles?" His fingers were feeling the silk.

"Mm, ... yes. I bought lots ... er, I used the ... the credit card." It was hard to talk as he blew a gentle breath down inside my shirt.

I tilted my head back and he placed soft kisses over my collarbone. He made little sighing sounds every time his lips broke away from my skin and his nose would nuzzle deeper, his hands pulling me closer, like he couldn't get near enough.

"Edward, you did get the sooks, didn't you?"

"Mmm, maybe ... just a little bit."

I put my fingers in his hair, massaging his scalp. He moaned slightly and bent his head even lower to make it easier for me. Then he brought his face up and caught my lips in a long kiss. When he pulled away his eyes were closed and he gently ran his nose down the length of mine, stopping to give me one more quick kiss on the lips. I smiled, but shifted a little - the benchtop was starting to feel hard. He noticed and immediately he lifted me off and I was standing on the floor in his arms.

"I'm sorry, that was uncomfortable," he murmured, frowning as one hand massaged my bottom.

"It's okay, Edward." It was worth it just for the massage. I nestled my head against his chest. "Um, but we probably should go back in now."

His eyes lit up and he grinned. "Back to our baby shower?"

I laughed and nodded. Yep, he was excited.

We rejoined the party as Emmett was demonstrating how he _ran away_ from a grizzly bear while on their hiking trip.

"Oh!" I turned to Edward. "Did you see any mountain lions?"

"A few," he smiled, showing me all his perfect white teeth. And I could see from the feint flush of colour in his cheeks he'd eaten well. The purple shadows were gone.

He wound his arm around me, then saw Jess' present on the coffee table. He leant forward and picked it up. I opened my mouth to explain, but he opened his first.

"A giraffe baby towel cake," he said as he turned it around in his hand.

My mouth dropped open and I shook my head at him.

"What?"

"You read way too many baby magazines, Edward."

Edward was eager to help me open the rest of the presents. Angela's book of bedtime stories was great, but we had to explain Sue's gift to Emmett - the whole reason behind needing a diaper bag for outings was beyond him.

"You mean you have to change them more than once a day?"

So after the explanation, Jasper challenged Emmett and Edward to diaper the baby doll. It didn't end well. I'd never realized quite how competitive the three of them were as they each leant over the coffee table, side by side, while Alice held the timer. They were shoving and elbowing while we all laughed and Esme tried to scold. When Emmett appeared to be making some progress, Jasper actually picked up the doll and threw it across the room. But Rosalie caught it neatly and threw it back to her husband.

Edward won, but then he'd been studying baby books for weeks. Jasper's doll was wearing a halter neck. And Emmett's, well ...

"That's great, Emmett, if the baby was going to a toga party." Edward was laughing as he watched Emmett try again.

"I can do this," he was muttering. But no, he couldn't. His second attempt looked like a mini sumo wrestler.

"Maybe we shouldn't let them near the baby," I whispered to Edward as he came back to sit with me.

"I heard that!" Emmett called across the room.

I laughed as Edward pushed his disheveled hair out of his eyes and flopped against the sofa, resting his head on my shoulder. I kissed the top of his head, just as the baby kicked and I grabbed his hand to let him feel.

"Ah, hello," he said softly, bending his head towards my tummy as he smiled. He rubbed over the place where the baby had kicked, his eyes were soft and warm and I felt my heart skip.

I wanted to be alone with him, and it was clear he wanted that too. Our eyes met over my bump and then his flickered quickly towards the direction of the cottage then back to me and he raised an eyebrow in question. I bit my lip as I smiled and started to nod, but just as Edward started to stand up, he stopped. He sighed deeply and settled back against the sofa again, taking my hand in his.

"What?" I mouthed and he nodded towards the front door.

A second later there was a gentle tap and Seth walked in, wondering if Sue was ready to leave. Of course, he was excited to see Edward and eager to chat, so we stayed.

And then Charlie, on his way back from fishing, called Sue's cell, to ask how the shower went, and Alice invited him over. He arrived five minutes later.

"I hope you didn't mind too much about the party, Bells," he said apologetically as he hugged me. I could see Sue watching us, smiling.

"No, not at all, Dad." I hugged him back.

And he was followed shortly after by Carlisle, back from the hospital, whose face, anxious at first, settled immediately as soon as he saw the laughing, happy group in his living room.

Alice was in full party mode now and Edward rolled his eyes as she introduced another game. Sitting beside me he pressed his leg firmly against mine and I knew he was becoming more anxious for us to be alone. One hand started tracing patterns on my thigh and the other he'd worked under my shirt, stroking over the small of my back.

"Do baby showers always go this long?" he asked quietly.

"I don't know. I've never been to one before."

Alice obviously heard and shot us both a look as she opened her mouth to speak.

"We all have to take the names of the mother and father, and try to make a new name for the baby out of their combination," she laughed, clapping her hands.

The game brought fresh rounds of laughter. The winning name was Bellward from Jasper, but I thought there might have been a conflict of interest there, as Alice was the judge. Angela's creation of Edella was nicer. There was also Belleda, Warbell and Seth's attempt - Edisa, for Edward and Isabella. Rosalie confiscated Emmett's contribution - I didn't want to know why.

We were walking hand in hand back to the cottage. It was twilight and the wind had come up, blowing the leaves around our feet and in the distance I thought I heard a wolf howl. I looked at Edward but he showed no reaction - just smiling as he guided our way through the trees. I listened for it again, but it had gone - must have been the wind. All was well with the wolves, after all.

"I think that baby shower turned out to be a good thing," I said. The party hadn't actually ended, Emmett and Jasper were coming up with their own versions from Alice's baby shower games book, but we'd finally snuck away. I was supposed to be getting a glass of water and Edward was apparently parking the car in the garage. But really, I didn't think anyone was fooled.

"It was a very good thing, yes," Edward smiled. "Even if the guest of honour is sneaking away."

"Mm, and remind me, Edward ... _why_ am I sneaking away?" My cheeky grin became a gasp when he swung me up into his arms and began striding through the trees.

"Because, Bella, your husband has been away for two days hunting, ...," I shivered as his lips found my ear, "... and he _really needs_ a bath."


	18. Chapter 18: Pant, Pant, Blow

**All things Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended.**

* * *

Edward had wanted to go Christmas shopping, so we did. The Seattle weather was cold and bitter, the streets and stores were crowded, but we had fun.

Unlike Alice, Edward wasn't much of a browser and our shopping only took a couple of hours. He was generous and extravagant, money was no object, and it was clear he already had an idea of what to buy before we even entered a store. His pleasure came in the final selection, the choice between two or three of a similar item, deciding which features, colour, wattage, vintage, amps or style would be best.

And we'd bought decorations, too. For the tree. Traditional baubles of red, green, gold and silver. Tinsel, twinkle lights.

And the guitar.

The one I'd seen in the window of a music store as we walked down the street. The one that reminded me of the photo of him in 1973. The one that made me smile at that memory, and he'd asked me what I was thinking and I'd reminded him of the photo and said one day I'd like to hear him play. It was just a comment, a random thought, an idea.

Ten minutes later we had a guitar. It was on his back, strapped over his shoulder as we walked.

"And what about you?" he said. "Is there something you'd like or should I surprise you?" He bent his head closer as I began to shake mine. "And don't tell me not to bother, Bella, you wouldn't deny me the joy of giving, would you?" He gave me that half smile and I narrowed my eyes at him. He knew when he put it that way my usual arguments would fall in a heap.

"Socks."

His eyebrows shot up.

"I need socks. Red ones would be nice, very festive."

His eyes narrowed to match mine and I thought he was going to make a smart comment, or argue with me, but he didn't. His face cleared and he nodded, smiling.

"Alright. Socks it is. I saw red ones in the Thriftway the other day, we can stop by on our way home. Or I can pick them up next week, or even Christmas Eve. Plenty of time."

He grinned and I shook my head, knowing that in _his_, there was probably an extravagant plan already formulated and ready for execution.

"What's wrong, Bella?" He cocked an eyebrow as he tried to hide the smirk. "Would you be disappointed?"

And for a moment I wondered if I would be. If Edward did just buy me red socks from the Thriftway, how would I feel? But then I thought of the solid gold duck with sapphire eyes

he had threatened me with just days earlier.

"No, red socks are fine."

I was watching a frowning mother trying to negotiate her pram through the crowds when Edward stopped walking and tugged gently on my hand. He was smiling as he raised an eyebrow and nodded his head slightly towards the doors of a shop. I looked past him at the display windows. Ah, The Toy Palace. I laughed and he grinned and pulled me inside.

He prowled along the aisles, looking at train sets and chemistry sets, doll houses and dolls, games, remote control cars and stuffed animals.

I stared at him in wonder as he closely examined a Lego rocket ship. He was still the same Edward I'd always loved, but he was different. He was always complex, with many layers and moods, bur recently, since our marriage and with the baby coming, a whole new set of layers had been added. Or uncovered. He was so relaxed, so happy. I took a deep breath and remembered the previous Christmas. I'd been catatonic and Edward had been curled up in a ceiling somewhere in South America, feeling hollow, empty, letting his misery wash over him.

The tears that came all too readily these days began to sting at my eyes. I sniffed. What a difference a year can make.

I gave myself a little shake and cleared my throat. "Um, I think it might be a while before the baby's ready for that, Edward."

"Hm? Oh, I know. I was just thinking ... this is incredible."

I was a little surprised. "You've seen Lego before, haven't you?"

"Yes, well, I know what it is, but I've never taken any real notice." He switched his gaze to the boxes holding pirate ships and castles, aeroplanes and skyscrapers.

"When I was a boy I had wooden building blocks and I'd build towers and try to see how tall I could get them, if I could use every block. And I'd try to connect them with bridges made from newspaper strips. But it only took the slightest vibration or movement and everything would come crashing down and I'd have to start again." He frowned and his lips made a thin, tight line. "Very frustrating."

I nodded. I could understand that. "But this," he continued. "When I actually think about it ... there are almost endless possibilities. And nothing falls down."

I grinned. "Yeah, imagine the towers and bridges you could build if you bought _all_ of these and added the pieces together."

I meant it in fun, but when I saw his eyes widen and brighten, I realised what I'd done.

"No, Edward, I was just kidding." I wasn't sure if he'd heard me. He was turning the boxes over, looking at the contents panels, checking how many pieces were in each set. His eyes were narrowed and I knew what he was doing - he was calculating. "I was just kidding," I repeated. "And anyway, we have no room in the car, not with everything else." I moved my foot against the bags that sat on the floor between us. He looked down at them, then back up at me. He smiled.

"It's alright, love, I was only thinking." He put his arm around me and pulled me close to kiss the top of my head. "Come on, lets get you some lunch." He bent and picked up the bags. But as we left the shop he turned and looked back over his shoulder and I heard him as he murmured quietly to himself. "I can probably order on-line, anyway."

We headed for the nearest café and I sat down gratefully as Edward unburdened himself of our parcels and the guitar. My legs and back were aching and I was glad of the meager relief the hard café chair gave me. We each ordered a roast beef sandwich, knowing that I would eat both, and once the waitress had left, having given Edward the requisite number of meaningful glances, he reached under the table and pulled my foot into his lap, took off my shoe and started rubbing.

"Edward, we're in a café!" I hissed and tried to pull my foot back but of course, no chance.

"No-one can see under the tablecloth, Bella."

"That's not the point."

"Are you enjoying it?"

"Well, yes, but ... ,"

"Is it offending anyone?"

I looked around.

"No. It's just the usual admiring stares from every woman in the place."

He snorted, which was rare. "I don't even notice, you do know that, don't you?"

I smiled at him. "I know." It was still hard to believe sometimes, but I knew.

His head was bowed, watching his hands, hidden by the tablecloth as they kneaded and stroked my feet, but I could still see the smile on his lips. But then the smile started to fade and as I tilted my face to better see his expression his hands slowed and stopped and a frown pulled his eyebrows together.

"Does my foot smell?" I gave a short laugh and he looked up, offering me the weakest of smiles. Then he looked down again, his fingers resuming their massage, slowly.

"No, well, at least, not how you mean." I could just manage to see the smile widen a little. But then it dropped again.

I'd learned over recent months that if I gave him space he'd tell me what was troubling him - in his own time. And those times were becoming shorter and shorter as he learned to be open with me. But right now, I thought I had an idea where his mind was and I decided to speak instead of wait.

"You're remembering last Christmas, aren't you?" His nod was barely noticeable.

"How did you know?" The words were whispered as he kept his head bowed.

"Because I was remembering, too, earlier, in the toy shop." His head snapped up and he looked at me with startled eyes and I wondered where his mind was going, now. I tensed a little but kept talking. "I was thinking it's amazing the difference a year can make, right?" I spoke lightly and smiled, hoping to bring him back from where he was.

"I'm so ... ," he started, but I shook my head firmly at the remorse in his eyes. There would be no apologies.

He was still prone to these moments when dark thoughts and memories would take him - that was just Edward. But recently he seemed better able to conquer them. He dropped his eyes again and I watched him closely, letting him have his moment. He sighed and after a little while he lifted his face and I was relieved to see the start of a smile. His crooked one.

"But it's not last Christmas. It's _now,_" he said softly. "And _now_ I'm Christmas shopping with my pregnant wife."

His voice now spoke of contentment and joy, perhaps even a little disbelief. His smile became a happy grin as I wriggled my toes for him to continue.

Our sandwiches came and while I ate Edward massaged my other foot.

"We're having Christmas lunch with Charlie and Sue," I announced through a mouthful or roast beef and Edward nodded.

"Will it be turkey?" he asked.

"Probably. Sue's cooking." I took another bite. "At least she won't be suspicious if your eating habits seem a little strange."

He shrugged. "I'll probably eat it," and I could see just the faintest flicker of distaste cross his face.

"Why?"

"Sometimes it's just easier. I'm assuming there will be roast potatoes and gravy?"

"Um, yeah, there usually are."

He nodded. "I'll hide what I can but some foods are harder to do that with than others. Gravy leaks through napkins, roast potatoes are bulky."

"Oh." There's so much to think about when you are a vampire having dinner with the in-laws. Obviously Sue would understand, so this subterfuge would all be for Charlie's benefit. Sometimes I thought it would be easier if we just told him the truth, but I knew that could never happen.

"We could say you're on a special diet. Or you're allergic to potatoes, or gravy."

"Or I could just eat it and then we don't have to worry." He raised his eyebrows and smiled.

"But you'll have to ... you know." I was making rolling actions over my stomach with my hands and he shrugged.

"Small price to pay for our first Christmas together," he smiled. "Very small."

It would be an interesting Christmas lunch. The werewolves' mother sitting down to eat with a vampire. I shook my head smiling - if only Jake could see this. But he probably knew. He hadn't come home yet, but no doubt word had passed along the wolfy grapevine.

I was just starting on my second roast beef when Edward turned his head towards the window. It was a quick movement, sharp and sudden - one of those moves that served to remind me that he wasn't as human as he seemed. Then he started smiling as he stood up and kissed my cheek.

"I'll be back in a moment. Don't go anywhere."

And he was gone.

Through the glass window I watched him cross the road. He was wearing a dark, knee length coat, suitable for the weather. I liked the way it accented his height and the square set of his shoulders. The split in the back meant the coat tails moved a little as he walked, swaying in time with his steps, emphasising the graceful rhythm of his stride. Admiring heads turned to watch and I smiled. Mine.

Opposite the café was a shop with a black banner and silver writing, _Crystallier_. From what I could see they specialised in crystal ware and there was an enormous Christmas tree in the front window, sparkling with hundreds of ornaments all catching the light and looking like diamonds. I saw Edward enter, and a moment later a sales lady took a ladder and placed it by the tree. She climbed up and removed an ornament from the top before climbing back down and disappearing from view. Perhaps ten more minutes passed and then Edward came out of the shop, crossed the road and came back into the café.

He sat back down opposite me and pushed his hair out of his eyes. They were sparkling like the ornaments on the tree in the window.

I raised an eyebrow in question and waited.

He became a little shy, running his hand through his hair for a second time and hunching forward a little.

"I bought something."

He reached into the pocket of his coat and pulled out a small box. It was black, with _Crystallier_ written on it in silver. He pushed it across the table towards me.

I took off the lid. There was a silver pouch inside and I carefully lifted it out and tipped its contents into my hand.

"Oh, ... beautiful."

A crystal star. Exquisite, fully faceted, it reflected the light, bouncing it around the café like a little sun. The top point was tipped with gold, its tiny loop strung with a white ribbon. From the ribbon hung a small, oval disc of gold which had been etched in a fine script.

"They have an engraver on site," he said as I held it up to see what was written.

_Baby Cullen - Christmas 2006_

In my chest my heart tightened and some tears started pricking at the back of my eyes - the tears came so easily these days. Blinking, I looked up at Edward who gave me a shy half-smile. He shrugged one shoulder.

"For the tree. I know the baby's not actually here _yet, _but I thought it should have some part in our first Christmas."

I nodded, not brave enough yet to speak

"I thought, maybe each Christmas we could buy a new one to add. Make it like a family tradition." The emotion in his eyes almost brought me undone and I had to look away.

I swallowed hard before I spoke.

"We'll need a big tree one day if it's going to hold more than a thousand of them," I whispered.

And he laughed then and reached out his hand to take mine, lifting it to his lips.

"We'll just get _two_ trees, love."

And I discovered _The Lexicon. _A huge bookshop where Edward hesitantly, nervously, left me to browse alone, while he carried our parcels to the car. I'd promised him I'd be alright. He'd promised to meet by the front doors in twenty minutes.

I looked through the new releases, the best sellers, then my interest was caught by a sign that said_ Rare & Antiquarian Books. _There was an arrow ... pointing up ... up a spiral staircase tucked in a back corner of the shop. I studied the narrow, twisting steps and decided that Edward would have a fit. But I wanted to see and Edward didn't have to know.

I was very careful, taking my time as I hauled myself awkwardly up the stairs, glad that Edward couldn't see me. I made it to the top, took a moment to catch my breath, and headed to the glass cases which held books of such rarity and value that they needed to be locked away. The books stood on separate little stands behind the glass, with cards in front displaying information about the title and its cost. It was wonderful and I was in my own little bookish paradise as I browsed. There was a first edition Jane Eyre, an early Huckleberry Finn, a signed Ernest Hemingway ... and then I saw it.

_Treasure Island_

_1911 edition_

My heart skipped a beat. This would be Edward's Christmas present.

When we'd been in Chicago Edward had told me that _Treasure Island_ had been his favourite book. A great adventure, he'd called it. His mother had read it to him. In 1911 he would have been ten - this book probably looked the same as the one he'd owned.

Perfect.

It cost two thousand dollars.

The young sales assistant, whose name tag said Graeme, came out from behind the long counter to help me.

"Treasure Island?" he confirmed as I pointed to the case, nodding. He unlocked the door and slid it open, pulling out the book and taking it back to the counter where he laid it down on a soft cloth.

There was a picture of a treasure map on the front, complete with scull and crossbones and a giant X marking the spot.

"It's 1911. Very good condition. You can see there is very little wear and tear, just a little scuffing on the corners of the dust jacket."

I nodded, not really needing to know all that, I'd already made up my mind.

"The book itself is leather bound and the pages are edged with gilt. There's a spelling mistake on page thirty eight, the word _worse_ is misspelled as _worst_. The mistake is repeated again on page seventy one. The error was corrected in the subsequent print runs, which only adds to the rarity value of this one."

I nodded. "I'll take it. Spelling mistakes and all," I joked.

Graeme was wrapping it carefully in special, acid-free tissue paper as I pulled the sleek black credit card from my wallet. I swallowed. I was about to spend two thousand dollars of Edward's ... of our ... money on a book. A book. I could probably go downstairs and buy a new, paperback version of the same thing for ten dollars. Except it _wouldn't _be the same.

The book was bought. It was wrapped carefully and stowed safely in the bottom of my bag as I headed back to the spiral staircase. I very carefully started negotiating the curving steps. Going up had been easier. My size meant my balance was different now and as I started my way down I could feel my belly dragging me forward. I gripped the rail hard, with both hands, which made walking difficult. I took it one step at a time, very slowly. I reached the bottom, breathless but without incident.

"Made it," I muttered to myself, and looked at my watch. "And with three minutes to spare."

I moved to the front doors and began studying the Christmas display of _'Twas the Night Before Christmas _and _The Polar Express_.

"You seem to be in one piece." Strong arms wound around me and I looked up to see Edward's eyes shining down at me as he smiled.

"Told you." I smiled back.

"Although your heart is a little fast, are you alright?" His brow creased into a slight frown.

"I'm fine." I looked away quickly, realising my cheeks were probably flushed as well from my recent efforts.

"Do you want to keep looking around or are you ready to go?"

I took a deep breath. A headache was starting and I was feeling a little too warm.

I turned in his arms to answer him and saw him looking at the spiral staircase. His eyes narrowed just slightly, then he looked at me, then back at the stairs again.

"Bella, did you ... ?" He didn't finish but somehow his face seemed to go a little paler. He closed his eyes and he never finished that question. Instead he asked another. "Can we go home now, please?" his voice was slightly strained.

I nodded and took the hand he offered.

* * *

I'd been napping when a cool hand found my cheek and I smiled as my eyes opened slowly. He was smiling too, hair tousled, feet bare, sitting up against the pillow, one leg stretched out while the other was bent at the knee, supporting the guitar that lay across his lap.

He _did_ play well, and he played for me every day, songs I knew and songs that he made up as his fingers strummed smoothly and skillfully over the strings. It always relaxed me when I felt restless or irritable - and that was happening more often.

In the days after our trip to Seattle my blood pressure had been more erratic, spiraling too high and then suddenly crashing back down. The pattern of its exaggerated swings were not entirely normal for a human pregnancy so it was clearly a feature of my more unique case.

Medications did nothing to help and Carlisle prescribed regular rest periods every day and no strenuous activities. At all. Nothing. And that included sex.

And Edward made sure I kept to it all. He'd been beside himself with worry when I'd actually fainted and now he watched me closely, barely allowing me to do anything for myself. I wasn't even allowed to stretch up a little to put a decoration on the oversized Christmas tree he'd brought home one afternoon. I was delegated to the bottom branches and the supervision of his bauble and tinsel placement. I understood the restrictions and limitations, and I agreed with them. I certainly didn't want to risk anything ... but it was frustrating.

"Sounded like another interesting dream," his words were lazy, like the smile.

I rolled my eyes as I started to sit up. His hand moved from my cheek to my arm, helping me.

"What did I say this time?"

His lips twisted, trying not to laugh. "Something about a hedgehog and Edward buys a hat."

I snorted as he chuckled. "I've got no idea. Maybe you were buying a hat for the hedgehog."

He nodded. "Makes sense," he said. "How are you feeling?"

"Okay."

I smiled at him and stretched a little, wondering what to do. It was raining outside and suddenly that annoyed me. I felt like I'd been inside too long. My initial relaxed and happy mood shifted and I felt irritable and restless instead.

I looked at the pile of books beside my bed and ran my finger down their spines as Edward began playing again, the soft music swirling around me.

I'd read them all. But as my eyes fell on my copy of _Wuthering Heights_ I decided it was time my old friend had an outing. Again. It _had_ been a while - I hadn't read it since before the wedding.

I eased it out of the stack smoothly, hoping he wouldn't notice and tease me. I angled myself to the side slightly, away from him.

"Are you seriously reading that again?"

I rolled my eyes. Here we go. I angled myself back towards him.

"It's different this time."

I could feel the smirk, I really could. "Really? Does Cathy survive now? Do she and Heathcliff get married?"

I poked out my tongue and he gave a laugh. "Well, I haven't read it as a married woman before, or as an expectant mother. It will probably change my whole perception of the story. Of Cathy's decisions and her reactions to Heathcliff."

He arched that one eyebrow and I sniffed and stuck my nose in the air as I turned back to the book.

"I'm not supposed to be upset, Edward, remember?" I tried to hide my smile as he chuckled quietly. Sometimes it was just too hard to be indignant with him.

I opened the well-worn cover, no point in trying to hide now, and quickly moved to stop the three loose pages that always tried to escape. They'd been fighting for freedom for a while now, but as I put them in place, two others fell out. Then five or six more. Then, all of chapter seven. Finally, I was holding just the paper cover while all the pages lay scattered across my lap.

"You've killed it." Edward's whisper was incredulous, his eyes wide as he stared. "You've actually read it to death."

I couldn't speak, but just sat, looking at the story of Cathy and Heathcliff as it lay in pieces, like their love, all over the gold coverlet.

"Oh." I started gathering up the pages. "Maybe I could glue ... ," but Edward put a gentle hand on mine. I looked up and saw mock sympathy in his eyes.

"Bella, it's time to let go, love. It's gone." His lips were twisting as he tried to stifle the laugh that I knew was brewing behind them. I was about to make a snarky comment, but instead I let out a sigh.

"You're right. It's gone. It's led a good life, and a long one. It was second hand when I bought it."

"I guessed as much," he said as he gathered up the pages and held out his hand for the cover. I gave it to him. "Do you want to say goodbye?" His eyes were twinkling.

"No." I spoke firmly and he finally let loose with his chuckle. He disappeared off the bed and through the door with the remains of my book and returned a moment later.

He came over and started massaging my shoulders as I sat forward. His touch was tender but firm. Such clever fingers.

"Do you want to do something else? We could play chess," he said.

"No, you always win."

"Scrabble?"

"Same. You know more words than I do." I let out a restless sigh. "I might email Renee, I haven't communicated for a few days, she's probably frantic for baby updates."

"I'll get the laptop," he started to get up but I stopped him.

"No, I'll sit in the study. I want a change of scenery." I swung my legs over the side of the bed.

"Well, be caref ... ," he started but stopped when he saw my face.

"Yes, I'll be careful walking into the study, Edward, after all I need to negotiate my way through the living room and past the sofa. It's dangerous, but I think I can manage."

He was sensible enough to look sheepish. "Sorry," he mumbled quietly but I was sure there was a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth.

The study was actually more of a large alcove off the living area. It held Edward's desk, some shelves and a small, antique wooden filing cabinet with brass handles. He'd obviously been busy because the normally neat desk was covered with files and papers, the laptop buried beneath. I glanced at the pages. Some printouts about shares, the latest bank statement. I glanced away as I pulled out the laptop - the eight figure bank balance always made my head swim.

I tucked the small computer under my arm and headed towards the bedroom.

"You're back," he smiled at me as I climbed awkwardly onto the bed, his hands, as always, supporting me.

"I didn't want to disturb the desk. I'll just write in here."

His lips pulled into a thin line.

"Bella, you know you can move things out of the way, or I'll go clear them off now if you'd like ... if you'd prefer to be in there."

"No, it's your space, don't shift things for me."

"It's _our_ space," he said softly but firmly.

"I'm happier in here with you, anyway." I smiled at him and he leant over to kiss my forehead.

Suddenly, he pulled back a little, head cocked to the side.

"Mail's here," he said. "Rose just arrived back from the post office." He got up and headed for the door.

"No, I'll go. I need the exercise."

He was about to object, I could see it in his face. So I scrambled off the bed and moved past him and on to the front door. I held onto the handle and the door frame carefully while I shoved my feet into the rubber boots I kept there.

"There's no point arguing, is there?" he said flatly.

"Nope." I grabbed the umbrella from the coat stand.

"Please be care ...,"

He stopped when he saw my face. Sensible man.

I managed to make it up to the house, collect the mail, have a conversation with Rose and Emmett and be back at the cottage without incident. Edward grinned as he opened the front door for me.

"What have we got?" he asked as I sat down on the sofa. I was smiling, happy, feeling brighter from my brief outing in the fresh air. He knelt down to pull my boots off for me.

"There's this month's _Mother & Baby_," I shook my head. Alice had signed me up for the subscription but I was sure Edward read them more than I did. I put it on the sofa beside me. "And there's a fancy envelope for _you_ from some luxury car dealer in Italy?" It was a question and I raised an eyebrow at him. He stood up from the floor and only gave me a quick glance as he went to put my boots back by the door.

"Must be on their mailing list," he murmured.

"Mm, yeah, right."

He came back and flopped down next to me, slumped low on the cushions as he rested his head against my arm and looked up at me.

"Don't dazzle me, Edward." I tried to speak firmly but he was looking at me through those lashes, with _that _smile. And then ... he winked, and resistance was useless. I'd probably let him buy ten luxury Italian cars. I realised my mouth was hanging open slightly and shut it quickly. I shook myself a little, clearing my throat. He took the envelope out of my hand and put it beside him without looking at it.

"Um, and you've got a parcel from Rebecca." It was in one of those small, padded envelopes - a corner had torn open a little in transit. I was curious. Rebecca sent Edward occasional emails, updating him on the music school, but she hadn't sent anything through the post before.

"It'll be the CD of the performance the students did at the city's Christmas concert," he said.

I remembered now, Rebecca had emailed him about it a few weeks ago.

"Do you think of George much?" I asked as he turned the parcel over to open it. His fingers stopped just under the flap.

"Sometimes." He said carefully. His head was still resting against my arm and he looked up at me again, his eyes careful. I smiled at him, letting him know it was okay.

"I think about him too, sometimes. And that night we broke into his room."

Edward laughed. "That was an interesting evening."

And suddenly, out of nowhere, I asked another question. One that even surprised me.

Over the last few weeks I'd started to get a little more emotional about ... things. Anything. Everything. Finding that we'd run out of milk could turn on the tears. And suddenly, for some reason, as I looked at Rebecca's handwriting on the envelope, and thought about George, a whole slew of other memories came to me. And the memories brought company; over-emotional, irrational thoughts.

"Do you ever think about her?"

"About Rebecca?"

"No. Lucy."

Edward looked like I'd slapped him. His eyes shot open and so did his mouth. I started biting my lip.

"I just ... it doesn't matter." I mumbled.

He sat up slowly and looked directly into my eyes.

"No, I don't think of her." His voice was low and clear and I nodded. But the irrational thoughts were demanding attention and I kept talking.

"I just thought, you know, maybe you wish you'd had this experience with George."

Edward's eyes narrowed, his head tilted a little to the side and he spoke warily.

"What experience do you mean, exactly?"

"Um, you know, choosing names, setting up a nursery, feeling him kick."

I was trying to sound light about it, but the tears were burning at the back of my eyes. The stupid thoughts kept pushing forward. I swallowed hard and could feel Edward's distress and confusion.

"No." His answer was immediate. No hesitation, no pause for thought.

"Not at all?" I sniffed. Why was I doing this?

He shifted, pulling his legs up to fold underneath him as he faced me. He pushed his hair out of his eyes as he studied me cautiously for a moment before answering.

"No, not at all." His voice was soft, but it was firm.

Then he looked down at his hands in his lap. "Sometimes, in the beginning, I wondered what George was like as a baby, and as a boy growing up, but you already knew that."

I nodded, smiling, I'd wondered that myself in the past. He reached for my hand, taking it in his and kissing it. "But having that experience with him would mean I wouldn't have _you_, and _we _wouldn't have _now_." He kissed my hand again, closing his eyes as his lips lingered longer over my skin this time. "I would never wish for anything that would change my _now_," he whispered.

His eyes opened as he reached out to stroke my cheek, his eyes full of love but his eyebrows pulled together in a frown. "Bella, love, where did all this come from?"

I took a deep, shaky breath.

"I ... I don't know." I really didn't. Words just started spilling out of my mouth without waiting for me to check them first. "I think, seeing Rebecca's writing on the envelope, and remembering George, and then I started remembering other things and ... I started having stupid ideas."

"What ideas?"

I heaved a huge breath. The ideas were indeed, very stupid. I knew that. But they were tumbling around in my head demanding to be let out. I sniffed back some tears.

"That, no matter how you look at things, she was the first person to give you a child and ... maybe you look at me and wonder what she looked like when she was pregnant with ... your son. And you might feel ..." Then I stopped.

Edward's mouth twisted and disbelief washed over his face. I could see the tension in his expression and in the hard lines of his jaw. I dropped my eyes but I could hear him breathing, slow, heavy breaths, perhaps trying to calm himself. His hand dropped from my cheek and I heard him swallow as he got up off the sofa and got down on his knees in front of me. He took my hands and held them in his. I looked up and the pain in his eyes was almost unbearable.

"No. I haven't wondered that. Not once. Not even now when you mention it."

I nodded. I believed him. "I love you, Bella. You are my _first _and _only_ love."

"I know, I'm sorry," I whispered and sniffed. "Just ignore me, Edward. I'm being stupid."

I turned my head away but he lifted his hand again and gently touched my chin, turning my face back to his. His gaze was intense as his eyes held mine, and I couldn't look away. He wouldn't let me.

"Bella, you said she _gave_ me a child." He took a deep breath and swallowed. "And that day in the clearing, you said I _gave_ her something that should have been yours."

I bowed my head. I remembered. "I didn't mean ... I know what really happened, I know ...," but he cut me off.

"There was never any giving, Bella. I didn't _give_ her anything and she _gave _nothing to me." And I was shocked as his eyes hardened and his voice held a trace of bitterness. "She_ took_ from me, Bella." His words were almost a hiss.

I sucked in a deep breath as I realised how I'd just forced him to relive the horrible memory of that night. "I'm sorry," I said, and it wasn't just for dredging this up.

"You are the only person I've given myself to, Bella. You are the only person I've _been_ with."

"I know."

"You have my heart, my mind, my ... soul." He hesitated on that word and I waited for the disclaimer but it didn't come. "And you have my body. I _give _them to _you_, they're yours."

I sniffed. "I know, Edward. I do. Really. I think I'm just being a bit ... emotional. I'm so sorry."

He smiled then and rubbed his hand through my hair as he rose up and came to sit next to me.

"My heart and mind are so full of love for you, Bella, and for our baby ... I can't even put it into words." He let out a heavy sigh. "Promise me, love, you'll _never _think that way again."

"Promise," I snuffled as I leant into him.

We sat that way for a while, just quietly, Edward holding me close, his hand stroking my belly as my sniffs quietened and stopped.

"Bella," he said softly as I tucked my head under his chin. "How many people know that I, um, that I whimper, when I'm stroked below my belly button?"

I felt the smile start on my lips.

"Just me."

"And how many people have heard that whimper?"

The smile grew into a grin.

"Just me."

"And who knows that my right nipple is more sensitive than my left, or that the feel of finger nails over my lower back makes me hiss?"

"Me."

"Tell me, what happens when teeth nibble on me ... here, Bella?" He took my hand and placed it on the inside of his thigh, holding it there tightly. My heart started beating a little faster. "Or a warm tongue swirls over my throat." He demonstrated on mine.

I giggled. "You moan, and sometimes you hiss."

"Mm, I do," he breathed against my skin. "And the gasps and moans, the snarls and growls when I'm making love, who hears those?"

"I do."

He dropped his head onto my shoulder and nuzzled me gently. "And who holds me when my body trembles afterwards?" he whispered.

"Me." I whispered back.

He straightened up and looked into my face, smiling "Bella, who did I discover all this with? Who was with me the first time, and every time?"

"Me."

"And who is the only person I've ever asked to be my wife?" He lifted my hand and kissed my wedding ring.

"Me," I smiled and the tears started pricking again and I blinked hard.

"Who fills me with such desire that sometimes I can't walk straight?" He turned my hand over and kissed the inside of my wrist.

I laughed out loud then. I didn't actually know about that. I moved my head so I could see his face.

"Um, is it me?"

"Yes," he said grinning.

"I've never noticed that."

"I hide it very well. Very embarrassing otherwise."

"Oh." The blush travelled over my skin as I tucked myself back under his chin and he chuckled softly. I felt the vibration through his chest and throat and it made me smile.

Then he buried his face in my hair and his voice was lower, shyer, when he spoke.

"And when the bars of the bedframe are broken or bent, or the pillows ripped and torn, or the blankets slashed. Who sees that and understands?"

I shifted my face again so I could see his - see the love, and the shyness, that was overflowing there. I cupped his face in my hands.

"Me."

He bent his lips to mine, then. "Only you," he whispered. "_All_ of it, only you. Ever." And his tongue teased and tasted before he kissed me deeply. When I needed air he pulled back gently, running his nose along mine, one hand over my heart, feeling the beat. No doubt a small part of his vampire brain was monitoring my blood pressure at that moment.

He pulled back a little and cocked his head at me, smiling.

"Do you know how many babies I've held, Bella?"

"Um, no. I can't imagine there've been many, though."

He chuckled. "None. Our baby will be the first."

I snuggled deeper into him.

"And whose baby is the first baby I felt kick?"

"Ours."

"The only time I've ever heard the words _You're going to be a father_, who spoke them?"

"Me."

He kissed me softly.

"You," he said, resting his forehead against mine. His lips grazed along my mouth as his eyes fluttered closed. My heart swelled with love and happiness as my tongue traced softly over his lips and he sighed softly.

And then, just as things were getting interesting, my stomach grumbled. Edward stopped and smiled at me. He sighed again.

"Lunchtime," he said and got up from the sofa.

"What about your parcel?" I was fine now. I had so many mind-blowing _firsts_ under my belt, no-one and nothing could compare with me. Irrational thoughts all gone now.

"Do you want to open it while I get you something to eat?" he was heading towards the doorway.

"But it's addressed to you."

"Given what we've just discussed, you should know I have no secrets, love," his voice carried from the kitchen.

"Not even about luxury Italian cars?" I murmured under my breath.

"I heard that!" I could hear him laughing and I rolled my eyes. Super vampire hearing.

I pulled open the envelope. There was a CD inside, as Edward had predicted

"Yep. CD." I spoke at normal volume knowing he'd hear me. But there was something else.

A small box. Dark blue, faded, dusty velvet. There was a note attached to it.

Dear Edward,

Here is the CD as promised. I'm very proud of what the students have achieved and hope you enjoy listening. As always, your interest in the school is appreciated.

I've included another little item I uncovered while sorting through George's things. I thought it should come to you, perhaps Bella might like it.

I hope you are both well and enjoy your first Christmas as husband and wife.

Best wishes,

Rebecca

I was curious and I opened the lid.

It sat on a small satin cushion of pale, icy blue. The thin, gold band was pinkish in colour, rose gold I thought it was called. There was a central pearl, large and creamy, with smaller ones hugging around it and they were whiter, less creamy. I recognized it at once, from the description in her diary, and from the photo. I felt my heart twist a little and I swallowed hard. Then I raised my eyes slowly. Edward was standing in the doorway, his face blank.

"I wondered if you wanted avocado in your salad. I know sometimes you don't like it."

He spoke hesitantly and his eyes weren't on me but on the box in my hand. Slowly, carefully, he began to move towards me, almost like he was afraid to approach. He climbed onto the sofa and knelt gingerly beside me.

"This was her engagement ring, wasn't it?" My voice was quiet. I was so glad we'd had our conversation _before_ I'd opened the parcel.

"Um, I imagine so. I ... I only know it from the diary, not from my memories. I didn't give it to her."

I nodded and we were silent.

I stared at the ring. I'd never liked pearls.

I looked at Edward and his eyes were intense, focused on me. He reached out a slow hand and picked the ring from its little cushion. He took it between his thumb and forefinger and held it up in front of me, staring deep into my eyes and I wondered what he was doing. Then he twisted the ring downward so it sat against the palm of his hand. With his eyes still on me, he closed his hand into a fist as he linked his other hand with mine. I could see that he made no real effort, just a gentle flexing movement, but when he opened his fist there was only dust.

He took the velvet box from my hand and poured the dust into it, shut the lid and then closed his fist around it.

Dust again.

Then he got up and walked out of the room. A second later I heard the toilet flush and a smile spread across my face as a laugh started bubbling up from inside me.

When Edward came back in his face was still wary but he smiled a little as he sat next to me and took my face between his hands. He put his lips to mine and kissed me slowly, deeply.

"My first and only love," he whispered.

He rose up on his knees and his body was pressed gently against my bump as he bent himself over me, pulling me into him as he continued to kiss me. And the baby moved, letting us both feel it. Edward didn't stop, his lips still moved over mine with heart stopping intensity, but he moved one hand down to rest over my belly, caressing and answering the baby's tiny thump.

This man left me in no doubt about his feelings.

But he pulled away suddenly when my heart started racing and I rolled my eyes. Stupid blood pressure.

He sat down again and put his arms around me, hugging me, staring deep into my eyes.

"What?" he asked as I started to giggle.

"I was just thinking ... I bet that's the first time you've used the toilet in nearly a hundred years."

* * *

Edward was like a kid on, well, on Christmas morning.

"Merry Christmas, love." His beaming face was the first thing I saw as I opened my eyes. Mm, very merry Christmas.

"Here," he said and placed a small package, wrapped in gold paper, on my bump. I shifted and heaved myself into a sitting position and picked it up. It was soft, a bit longer than my hand and about as wide. I pulled open the paper.

"Socks," I laughed.

"Red ones. Very festive." His face was serious but I could hear the smirk in his voice as he quoted me. He'd even left the Thriftway tag on.

"Thank you," I said and kissed him. I tried to put them on but it was impossible.

"Let me," he said. A second later we both watched as I wriggled my red feet.

"Very nice," I said and kissed him again. He nuzzled his face into the crook of my neck and I sighed as he pulled back to smile at me.

"I have something else for you, come and see."

"Edward, you didn't ... ,"

"Ssh," he put a finger to my lips and smiled.

I rolled out of bed with a little help, and he held my hand as we moved through the living room with it's oversized tree. The morning sunlight was catching on the crystal star that Edward had proudly hung from the top of the tree and diamonds of light danced around the room. I was admiring the effect when Edward tugged on my hand and led me into the study.

"Oh, Edward. Is that for me?" My automatic reticence about receiving gifts started to fade.

Under the window, beside Edward's desk, was a second desk. A beautiful little writing desk, obviously antique. I moved closer to have a good look. It was a golden coloured wood, with a hinged top, inset with green leather, revealing storage underneath. On the top, at the back, were small drawers and pigeon holes. The green leather was bordered with a delicate gold pattern which was a little worn in places.

"It's beautiful."

"It was my mother's."

I whirled around, as much as I could whirl, and looked at him. He was smiling sweetly, shyly. "My father gave it to her as a wedding present, it was an antique then."

"Your mother's?"

He nodded. "I can remember her sitting at it, working through the household accounts."

"Where has it been?"

"In storage. I sold or gave away a lot of the furniture from my parents house, but there were a few items I kept. This was one." Then he shrugged. "I thought you might like your own space."

"Oh, Edward. Thank you." I touched the tiny handle of one of the small wooden drawers. "May I?"

"Of course. It's yours."

The grin on his face was as much a gift as the desk as he leant against the door frame, arms crossed, watching me.

Excitedly I began opening all the drawers, investigating the pigeon holes, the larger drawers underneath, all the nooks and crannies. Inside the desk I found a brand new copy of _Wuthering Heights,_ a red ribbon tied around it. I looked up at him.

"I was going to buy you a first edition, I'd even tracked one down. Then I decided it's delicate condition wouldn't withstand your voracious appetite."

I laughed and went to him and threw my arms around his neck.

"Thank you so much."

"You're very welcome. It's a pleasure to see you enjoy your presents." He bent down and kissed me. My blood pressure had been stable for ten days now, Carlisle had declared me fit and healthy, and though I still had to take things very easy, we were returning slowly to our _normal activities_. He held me close and let his tongue trace over my lips lightly.

"I have something for you, too." I whispered.

"This is enough," he breathed and his hands gripped me tighter and I giggled.

"No ... ,"

"No?" His eyebrow went up.

I giggled again and grabbed his hands from where they were sliding over my hips - or what was left of my hips.

"Come and see."

We held hands as we walked over to the sofa. I made Edward sit as I pulled the awkwardly wrapped parcel from under the tree.

"Here," I put it in his lap.

"Thank you," he smiled and began opening it. I'd never seen him open a present before and it made me smile to see he was a ripper; his long fingers tore through the paper and let if fall to the floor. The paper fell away and he started laughing as he held up the toolbelt.

"At last!" he said and pulled me into a hug. "Thank you."

"You're welcome. But that's not all."

He cocked his head to the side as I picked up the smaller, better-wrapped parcel and handed it to him. He tore off the wrapping and stared at the volume in his hands while I sat beside him. He was very quiet at first, but then a huge grin spread rapidly across his face.

"Treasure Island," he whispered and his fingers stroked the cover softly.

"Um, it's not a first edition, but it's the 1911 edition. I don't know but I thought it might be like the one you had when you were a boy. You said it was your favourite book, and I thought you might like to read it again, maybe read it to the baby, when it's older. I just ... ,"

I was rambling as he put the book down and pulled me into his lap, spreading his legs wide to accommodate me comfortably.

"You like it?" I gasped as he kissed me.

"I love it," he whispered. "It's exactly like the book I had. The map, the lettering," he picked it up again and looked under the dust jacket. "Same colour leather, too."

"Did yours have spelling mistakes?"

He looked puzzled and I explained about _worse _and _worst._

"I don't remember if mine had mistakes, but that would make this one very rare."

"It is, apparently."

Then a strange expression crossed his face and he smiled.

"Bella, you used our bank account again, didn't you?"

"Um, yes?"

And he laughed as he leant over and kissed me. "Thank you, love, for that, too. Even if you did spend the money on me."

I laughed and then discovered I needed a human moment - urgently.

"Mm, bathroom," I murmured as Edward helped me back to my feet.

I couldn't help laughing when I came back in. Edward was settled back on the sofa, one arm resting behind his head, legs lying along the length of the cushions, huge grin on his face as he held his book in his free hand. He had obviously joined young Jim and Long John Silver on Skeleton Island and was enjoying himself immensely.

"Edward, you can't start reading now."

"Why not?" The grin crumpled and he looked up at me with the face of a young boy denied a treat.

"Because Alice has decorated the house like a winter wonderland and if we're not up there soon to appreciate it and swap presents, she'll be down here looking for us. And then we've got lunch with Charlie and Sue."

He grumbled and started to sit up. "Alright. But after the Cullen and Swan family Christmases, we come back here, you and me. You move into your desk, we read our books, I play you the guitar, and then I give you your real gift."

"My real ... what?"

He stood up from the sofa and moved across to me. His eyes burned into mine as he reached out, putting his hands on my hips again, his thumbs rubbing circles ... extremely slowly.

"I'll give you a clue," his eyes closed as his face dropped lower, his lips brushing softly along my jaw. "It involves me, and my Snoopy t-shirt."

My heart stuttered. Maybe the winter wonderland could wait.

* * *

January was cold, but I was hot. My body temperature seemed to keep climbing but I wasn't ill and it wasn't a fever. It seemed to be another unique feature of my unique pregnancy.

Time seemed to slow down. Carlisle checked me daily - blood pressure fairly much under control, blood sugar levels fine, but I was constantly flushed and my stomach was even harder now, exactly like a rock, making me very, very uncomfortable. Of course nights were the worst, trying to sleep. The baby would become very active whenever I laid down and as much as I loved to feel it moving, sometimes I wished it would just stop for a while and let me get to sleep.

"Bella, are you alright, love?" Edward's cool fingers stroked my shoulder one particularly uncomfortable night.

"I'm hot." I struggled to sit up amongst my support pillows - the one between my knees to keep my hips from aching, the special, contoured one for under my bump that Edward had bought for me, and the one at my back to support and ease the aches there. Edward helped me, supporting my back and pulling gently on my elbow to get me more upright. I started pulling at the huge oversized t-shirt I was wearing. "I'm hot. I just want to ... urgh." I couldn't seem to pull it up and over my head.

"Do you want me to help you?"

I gave an exaggerated sigh and let my arms fall limply to my sides. My head flopped back on my shoulders.

"Just rip it off me, Edward. Please."

I turned to look at him and he hesitated for a moment. Then he reached out and gently grabbed a fistful of fabric in the front of the t-shirt and ripped it, down the middle, like it was tissue paper. It fell open and I pulled my arms free.

"Ah, that's better." I threw the ruined top onto the floor and then tried to find the easiest way to lie down again.

"Would you like ... ,"

"Yes please."

Once again, Edward supported me and helped me lie down. He rearranged the pillow between my knees and the one under my bump.

"No, not the one at the back. I want to feel you behind me."

The pillow was discarded to the foot of the bed and Edward pressed himself against my back.

"Better?"

"Mm, much. You're cooler for a start. Plus I love you."

"I love you, too." I heard the smile in his voice as he lightly kissed my shoulder as his fingers trailed soothingly up and down my arm.

Despite my enormous belly and often swollen ankles, Edward still seemed to find me desirable. And he had proved that he was, indeed, very creative when it came to being intimate around such a bump as mine. He also knew when I wasn't in the mood.

I snuggled back against him, enjoying the cold and just the feel of him. But I still felt twitchy and uncomfortable. My legs were restless and I couldn't keep them still. And despite all the pillows, my hips were aching.

"Love?"

"I need to turn over."

"I'll help you."

And a sob came out of nowhere. Completely rational, justifiable tears began coursing down my cheeks.

"Bella?" He was worried now, I could hear it in the sound of my name.

"I can't even turn over without a military operation. I used to flip flop without even thinking about it and now ... I need you to move me ... and pillows, and, and ... everything aches... ,"

His arms went around me and he didn't say a word. He just held me, stroking my back.

Then the kicking started and Edward rested his hand over my belly and made gentle ssh sounds, as if to calm the baby. The kicking eased and my tears slowed to sniffs as Edward helped me into a sitting position again. I picked up my countoured belly pillow and plopped it down on the other side of me, I kicked at the pillow that had been between my knees, moving it out of the way so I could reposition my legs before putting it back in place. I turned my shoulders to the side, rested my hands on the mattress and lowered myself down slowly, though the weight of my belly was dragging me. I put my contour pillow under my bump, taking a while to move it until it was right, while Edward put the other pillow between my knees.

"Do you want me behind you again?"

"Yes please."

He laid down and pressed himself against me again. I was exhausted and frustrated but the coolness of his skin and his soothing touch began to calm me. In a few minutes I was close to sleep. Then my eyes shot open and a frustrated growl escaped my lips. A growl that would make any vampire proud.

"Bella, love, what ... ,"

"Now I need the bathroom," I spoke through clenched teeth. I was kicking the pillow away from my knees with angry stabs of my legs.

Edward is a smart man. He said nothing. He simply offered his arm for support. I grabbed hold and pulled myself up, pushed my belly pillow aside and moved my feet off the bed and onto the floor. Then I stood, taking a moment to get my balance while Edward knelt behind me on the bed, hands at the ready, waiting to catch me if needed. After a second I waddled towards the bathroom.

As I got to the bedroom door I stopped and looked back. Edward was sitting in the middle of the bed, gorgeous, naked, hair tumbling into his eyes, his face full of love as he smiled at me. And right then I knew as I stood there, huge, naked and needing the toilet, that I was, without doubt, the most gorgeous woman on the planet. I smiled back at him and sashayed my way out of the room. Sort of.

* * *

If January was slow then February dragged. Like a child in the week before their birthday, everything was just a countdown to the main event.

Edward's old room in the main house was prepared and ready. We'd ordered a new bed for the cottage and his original bed was left behind. That was where I planned to deliver the baby.

There was an oxygen tank in the corner, beside a silver trolley with drawers and a lid - I knew it held medical instruments, but I didn't want to see. I also knew that Carlisle was acquiring bags of blood which were stored in a new, small fridge in the ensuite bathroom. There were towels, sheets and a supply of hospital gowns for me. Whatever I wore would be burned afterwards, so it was easier to wear a hospital gown.

There was also a clear, plastic hospital crib on wheels, for the baby. I wasn't sure if Carlisle was borrowing all this equipment from the maternity ward or had ordered it specially. Our own supply of baby blankets and clothes were sitting ready in the crib.

All we needed was the baby.

* * *

"The Vanquish? We're taking the Vanquish?"

"It's my special occasion car, and this is a special occasion."

"It's too low down, I'll never get in."

"But the seats are very comfortable, and getting you in won't be a problem."

He rolled his eyes very deliberately as he grinned and scooped me up into his arms.

"Haven't you learned anything, yet, Bella?"

The door was already open and he bent down easily and slid me into the passenger seat. He'd already adjusted it so I was sitting a comfortable distance back from the dashboard.

In a vampire second he was in the driver's seat beside me and the engine was purring as we headed out of the garage.

It was March eleventh.

The baby was coming on the sixteenth.

Alice had had a vision at the end of February. It wasn't of me, or even Edward, but Carlisle. She saw him get a phone call at work, asking him to come home urgently. The date on his desk calendar said March sixteenth.

So the Cullens had all gone away for a few days. They were hunting in prepartion for the birth but were also giving us some real alone time together. They would be back by the fourteenth when Edward was planning to take a few hours in the park to hunt. Wild vampires couldn't drag him away any further, or any longer, than that.

"Are you going to tell me yet where we're going?"

We were driving out of town, headed towards Port Angeles with a picnic bag in the back. I hoped we weren't going too far. My comfort levels were zero and the thought of being in a car, or in the same position, for too long was not appealing.

"Well, Port Angeles is having Symphony in the Park this afternoon. I thought you might like to go." He smiled. "Sort of a last outing while it's just the two of us."

I could see the excitement in his face. It matched mine.

"Just five more days until we get to say hello for the first time." He moved our joined hands across from the console to my bump and I laughed.

"The first time? Edward, you've been saying _hello_ every day since September." He started chuckling. "_Hello,_ and, _this is Daddy,_ and, _I love you."_

"I know. But so have you."

We both smiled and he lifted my hand that he was holding and kissed it gently. I sighed and settled back deeper into the seat.

Port Angeles, that wasn't too far, not the way Edward drove, though he was driving slower these days. I wondered what the seating would be like. I hoped it wasn't deck chairs in the park. My eyes flickered back to the picnic bag. Not a rug on the ground? Please not a rug on the ground.

There was a stage set up down near the water. The large, grassed area in front was already crowded and seating was obviously bring your own - there was a sea of deck chairs, picnic rugs and camping chairs. I wondered what we would be sitting on as Edward picked his way through the crowd, holding my hand and guiding me carefully, with nothing but the picnic bag slung over his shoulder.

"This looks like a good place." It was to the side of the park, towards the front, giving a good view of the stage and at an angle that avoided having too many people in front of us.

I stood as Edward pulled off the picnic bag and opened it. Out came a rug which he spread on the ground and I groaned internally. He was always so thoughtful, how could he think ... oh, wait ... there was more.

"What's that?"

"An air chair." He smiled, amused at my puzzled expression. "It's a blow up chair, supposed to be very comfortable."

It was blue vinyl and Edward raised his eyebrows and rolled his eyes in a _here we go_ sort of way as he put the small valve to his lips and began to blow. I laughed. We both knew he could inflate the thing with a couple of quick breaths, but of course, he had to do it at human pace. He made a show of puffing and blowing while I giggled and laughed. I almost expected him to go red in the face.

When he'd finished he set the chair down on the ground, took another rug from the bag and threw it over the top as a cover. The air chair sat a bit lower than an ordinary arm chair, roughly the shape of the blow up chairs people use in swimming pools, but with more contours, and as he helped me down into it I discovered it was, in fact, very comfortable.

"Where did you find this?"

"Your _Mother & Baby_ magazine. It's designed with the comfort of the mother-to-be in mind," he quoted in mock seriousness and I laughed.

Then Edward sprawled on the rug at my feet and rested his head against my legs as the orchestra took the stage.

The music was wonderful, the notes rising and falling around us, pulling us in and filling us up. I closed me eyes and let it take me, enjoying the ebb and flow, the highs and lows.

Edward's fingers gently stroked the backs of my legs, sometimes playing along with the orchestra, tapping out the notes on my leg. He massaged my feet while my fingers played in his hair and every now and then he'd turn to look up at me and smile. Once he mouthed _I love you_ and placed a soft kiss on my knee.

And the baby seemed to enjoy the music, too. It kicked and moved and sometimes Edward would rest his head in my lap so he could feel.

And he had brought food for me. Cheeses and fruit and peanut butter sandwiches. A feast.

The time passed too quickly, and I couldn't believe it had been two hours when the orchestra took its bow. The crowd began to disperse and Edward helped me out of my air chair. He undid the valve and started pushing out the air, the blue vinyl beginning to shrink and wither in his arms as he squeezed.

A small boy ran by us, laughing, being chased by another boy. Edward's head turned and he quickly manouvered us out of the way of the first boy, but the second boy stumbled as he ran past, colliding with me and I started to fall. I twisted and threw out my hand, an automatic reaction, to stop myself. Immediately, Edward's hand grabbed me, stopping my fall, and he gently pulled me back up as the boy ran off, calling out a quick _sorry_ as he went. I felt a twinge in my side and made a face as I rubbed over the tight spot low down at the side.

"Are you alright?" Edward's hand covered mine as a concerned look crossed his features. His eyes studied my face. His jaw was tense I noticed.

"Yes. I think I just pulled a muscle."

He frowned and shook his head. "You should've just let me grab you. You know I wouldn't let you fall." He almost sounded hurt.

"I know. It was just an automatic reaction."

He sighed and nodded, leaning his forehead against mine as his hand rubbed over the sore spot at my side.

"I'm good, really," I said through a yawn. "But I am tired."

He swung the picnic bag over his shoulder, lifted me into his arms and carried me back to the car.

My eyes were getting heavier as we drove home. It was twilight and some spots of rain were dotting the windscreen. It had been a beautiful afternoon and the music was still playing in my head as Edward's thumb stroked over my hand. He was humming one of the pieces and all was peaceful and relaxed. I was planning to fall asleep in the car and wake up in the morning, refreshed, in my own bed, without having stirred once. Yep, that was my plan.

The sharp little ping took me by surprise. It was low down at the front of my belly. A ping, a tight pinch. Just one. It came and went so quickly that for a moment I wondered if I'd felt anything at all. Then suddenly Edward's head snapped around to mine, his face confused, and his nostrils flaring just slightly.

"What?" I asked. And then I felt it ... a damp warmth between my thighs. My mouth dropped open and the blush washed over my face.

I'd wet myself?

No, it wasn't like that. Then ... what?

Oh??

Oh!!

No. Not here. Not now.

Not in the leather seats of the Vanquish.

I was staring at my lap, where a dark patch was slowly spreading across the denim of my jeans. As the realisation sank in I turned to look at Edward. He was staring too. And that perfect, angular jaw hung slack and loose in shock.. He raised his amber eyes to mine and he blinked twice.

Then the needle of the speedometer went up as Edward's foot went down.

The rest of the journey was a blur as Edward sped towards home. I didn't watch the road. Instead I watched the spreading darkness across my lap and worried about the leather. There was no pain yet and I wondered if my waters really had started breaking. I couldn't really register what was going on, it was like I was watching everything from a distance. A strange sense of calm had settled over me.

Neither of us spoke and while Edward was trying to appear calm his hand squeezing and releasing mine told another story. But I could see the corner of his mouth turned up in a small smile.

He pulled the car up at the foot of the porch steps, sending grass and mud flying. Somehow I was in his arms and upstairs in his old room before I'd had time to blink more than twice.

He slowed, once we were in the room and he set me down on the bed, very carefully. He climbed on and sat opposite me, his hands cupping my face as he stared at me.

"Our baby's coming," he said quietly.

I nodded.

"Are you alright?"

I nodded again. "Nothing hurts. I don't feel any different. I ... I just think I'd like to get out of these clothes."

His eyes snapped open wide. "Of course. I'm sorry. Here." He went to the silver trolley and grabbed one of the hospital gowns. "Is this okay?"

I nodded and moved awkwardly to the edge of the bed.

"I might have a shower."

"Shall I help you?" He seemed nervous now, distracted, and started running his hands through his hair.

"No. No, I'll be fine. Actually, maybe just a hand to get off the bed."

He was beside me in a second, helping me to my feet and I waddled into the bathroom.

So far I didn't feel any different. And the fluid seemed to have stopped. I wasn't sure what was going to happen next, or why I felt so calm.

I stripped and hopped under the stream of warm water. I ran my hand over my bump, my skin felt like silk over stone.

"Our baby's coming." I said the words to myself, quietly, trying to let them sink in. "Our baby's coming."

And it looked like Alice's vision had been wrong. I chuckled as I wondered how she'd take the news. Carlisle wasn't going to get a call at work, he was in the middle of nowhere, hunting.

My chuckle stopped.

Carlisle wasn't here. It was just Edward and me. Slowly, the reality dawned on me. Our baby was coming and Carlisle wasn't here. Suddenly, a frightened sob escaped my lips.

Edward was through the door before I could even gasp my next breath.

"Bella?"

The panic in his eyes matched mine.

"Edward ... ," he opened the shower door and stepped in with me, under the water, wrapping me in his arms as he turned the taps off.

"What is it? Is it pain?" He dropped one hand to my belly, which if anything seemed harder, and began feeling all over. The sobs kept coming and he was using both hands, his fingers moving frantically over my skin.

"Bella ... ," his voice was anguished. I'd started to shake and he was scared now. "Bella ... I, tell me ... ,"

"Edward, what if ... I'm in labour ... for five days? Until the ... sixteenth?" My breath was hiccoughing with sobs.

He looked shocked. He stared at me for a moment, obviously processing what I'd just said. Then a smile spread over his face.

"No. No, love. That won't happen."

"But ... Alice's vision."

He grabbed a white fluffy towel from the rail and wrapped it around me. His wet clothes were clinging to him, his hair dripping onto his shoulders.

"Alice's visions can change. That tumble you almost took in the park has obviously set things off early. You won't be in labour for five days, love." He hugged me to him, rubbing my arms briskly through the towel.

But I was still freaking out. All those horror stories came back to me. Would that be me one day? Stopping some young mother-to-be in the street and telling her I was in labour for five days. With no doctor. And no hope for a c-section.

"How ... do you ... know I ... won't?" The sobs were really interfering with my speech. He bent his knees a little, coming face level with me, his hands resting on my shoulders.

"Because I won't allow it," he said gently, staring tenderly into my eyes.

And suddenly, I believed him. My sobs started calming and my breathing began to settle.

"Come on, love." He lifted me into his arms and carried me back to the bed where he set me against the pillows that he'd already carefully arranged.

He seemed calmer now, too. His eyes were bright and excited instead of scared. It seemed my freak out had settled him. His hands were carefully rubbing the towel over my body, gently drying the water from my skin.

"We should call Carlisle, though," I sniffed.

"I already have. Straight after you went into the bathroom."

"And he's coming, right?"

Edward frowned a little as he smoothed the towel over my legs one at a time.

"I had to leave a message. We don't usually have our phones with us while we hunt."

"Oh. Why?"

I sniffed as he rested the towel over the length of me and moved to the closet.

"It's too easy to lose them during the ... well, it's too easy to lose them. He'll check his phone as soon as he gets back."

"Back where? Not to the car?" I sniffed again. I knew that for long hunts the Cullens parked their cars somewhere and didn't return to them until the hunt had finished several days later.

"No, not the car. We have backpacks for our things ... jackets, phones, wallets, and we leave them somewhere nearby. Under a tree or by a rock. He'll check between courses."

He winked at me and my eyebrows went up in surprise at his turn of phrase.

"Oh, um, that makes sense, I suppose."

He opened the closet door and pulled out one of his old t-shirts and a pair of sweat pants that hadn't made it across to the cottage.

"The hospital gown seems stiff, I thought you might be more comfortable in this." He handed me the t-shirt and followed it with his crooked smile.

I took it from him and held it to my face, inhaling deeply. It smelt of him.

"Yes."

I dropped the towel on the floor and Edward helped me pull the t-shirt over my head. He tugged it down over my bump and I laid back against the pillows.

Then Edward grabbed a towel from the trolley and began stripping off. He tossed his wet clothes into the bathroom and dried himself roughly, rubbing the towel over his head and making his hair stand up at all angles. He pulled the sweat pants on and climbed up to sit cross legged, facing me. He sighed as he looked into my eyes and the love in his was overflowing. He lifted a hand to stroke my cheek, his fingers tracing gently along my cheekbone and down to my jaw. Then his hands took hold of mine.

"I love you," he whispered and I noticed just the slightest tremble in his lips.

"I love you, too."

"You're going to have our baby."

I took a deep breath and tried a shaky smile. Yeah, I really was going to have a baby. We were going to be a family.

"How are you feeling?"

"No different, so far. Just ... a bit scared. But I think I'm also starting to feel excited now."

My heart had started beating faster and I didn't think it was going to slow down anytime soon.

He smiled as he squeezed my hands in his.

"Me too."

"What? Scared and excited?"

He nodded. "Scared and excited."

We grinned at each other.

"So, what happens now?" I asked.

"Well, I guess we wait."

"For who? Carlisle or the baby?" I gave a weak laugh and he smiled.

"Whoever comes first," he answered. "But I'm hoping it's Carlisle." His lips twisted a little and I could see a flicker of nerves in his eyes.

My heart picked up a little with a fresh wave of nerves. "What if it's not?"

He sighed and frowned a little, looking down at our hands where his thumbs were stroking gently over my skin.

"We can go to the hospital."

I shook my head. "It's not my first choice."

He nodded slightly and swallowed, hard, still looking at our hands. His thumb was running over my rings now, turning them on my finger.

"Well, in that case ... I know _how_ to deliver a baby. I know the mechanics of labour and child birth ... ,"

"Then, you'll deliver it?"

He lifted his head and looked into my eyes. His were determined, but I could also see the nerves there as he nodded slowly.

"Yes."

There was a crash of thunder and the rain was getting heavier against the glass wall. I jumped a little, surprised as the violent sound filled the quiet bedroom, and I tried to twist around to look. The bed faced into the room, opposite the door, but Edward got off and moved it, in one smooth move, so it was now facing he window. He climbed back onto the bed and I motioned for him to sit behind me.

We watched the sky darken and lightning flash in the distance as I leant back between his legs, angled slightly on my side, and rested my head against his shoulder.

"Hm," I shifted a little.

"What is it?"

"Just feeling a bit achy."

"Here?" He moved his hand to my lower back.

"Yeah, how did you know?"

"Early stages of labour," he said quietly and kissed the top of my head and sighed. "Things are starting."

"Mm, it's eased off now."

"It will probably do that for a while."

But he kept his hand there while his other rested on my belly as we watched the rain on the glass. We were quiet and I thought that each of us was trying to absorb what was happening. We were changing. Soon, it wouldn't be just us anymore. The ache in my back came and went, a gentle pattern of pain. I tried not to think about what was ahead of me.

"Do you know what tomorrow is?" he asked after a while.

I smiled, the significance of the date wasn't lost on me.

"It'll be two years since you took me to the meadow for the first time."

"You remembered."

"Of course. It was one of the best days of my life."

"Mine too." He moved his arms so now they were circling me in a hug. Through my t-shirt the cool of his bare skin felt good. My own skin was flushed and feeling warmer every second.

And then Edward began chuckling.

"This time two years ago, I was preparing for my first date. I was scared then, too."

The dull ache seemed to intensify a little and I shifted. Edward stroked my arms.

"You were worried you might end up killing me, right."

He sighed heavily. "Mm, yes." Then he kissed the top of my head.

"But you didn't. You kissed me instead." My heart skipped at that memory.

"Yes," he said tenderly. "I actually _kissed_ you." The joy in his voice was clear and I smiled .

"You did. And I nearly attacked you."

"Yes." His hands reached for mine and he linked our fingers. "You really, um, ... surprised me."

"Sorry."

"Don't be. Once the shock wore off, your reaction was ... pleasing to me."

I smirked a little. "Pleasing?"

"Very pleasing. Although it was still a dangerous thing for you to do."

I rolled my eyes. He had never been a danger to me.

"Were you _planning _to kiss me that day?"

It was a few seconds before he answered.

"No, I ... I didn't really know what my plan was. I wanted to spend time with you, I ... ," he paused again and I heard him sigh softly. "I wanted you to _know _me. Of course, the thought of that terrified me, too."

"Why?"

"You know why."

"Yes, but tell me again. I'm looking for distractions, here." The ache in my back was ebbing and flowing, each wave starting to become just a tiny bit stronger than the last. I looked up and gave him a quick smile and he smiled back.

"I was scared that if you _knew_ me, you'd run away screaming. And I was torn between wanting you to leave and ... just_ wanting_ you." His lips found my hair and I felt the gentle kiss he placed there. "That day turned out better than anything I could have planned."

"Mm, I agree."

He chuckled quietly. "Humans talk about feeling butterflies in their stomach when they're nervous or excited ... I still get that feeling whenever I think about that kiss."

"Really? Do you think about it often?"

"Every day."

"And it still gives you butterflies?" I thought it was just me.

"Yes. It was the most incredible experience of my existence ... at that time. There have been a few new ones added since then, but it's still up there. Everyone remembers their first kiss, don't they?"

I nodded and he smiled as he continued.

"And the feelings that go with it. The anticipation, the expectation, and then the kiss itself. When my lips touched yours that first time ... I had wondered what it would be like to kiss you, I never thought I'd be able to. And when I did, it was so much more." He was speaking softly, almost to himself. "It was like ... it was like a jolt went through my heart. My heart had been dead, but when our lips touched ... I knew _exactly _where my heart was. It wasn't beating, but I could _feel_ it. And when you kissed me back, if I can call it that," he was smirking now. "I can't explain ... the closest I can describe is that I felt alive. You made me feel human. You made me _feel_."

I lifted our joined hands and kissed the back of his and his smile was warm and so tender.

"And then I was excited, and happy ... and curious."

"Curious about what?"

I was surprised when he ducked his head slightly and seemed embarrassed.

"Mm ... whether I'd done it properly."

I snorted.

"But you confirmed for me fairly quickly that I'd managed to do something right." He winked at me and I laughed, but then I shifted and gasped softly as the pain spiked a little sharper than before.

"Are you alright?" His posture changed, he was instantly tense.

"Uh huh, that one was just a bit stronger. How long will this go on, do you think?"

"It's hard to tell. It could be a while, I'm afraid." He sounded apologetic and he moved his hands to stroke along my arms. It felt good.

And so far things weren't too bad. I could handle this. The pain had faded away to almost nothing and I took a breath, letting my mind wander back to that first night.

"You stayed with me that night," I said after a moment.

"And you said you loved me while you slept."

"And you said I was your life."

"You are." I felt his lips against my hair again. "And I kissed you again the next morning."

"And you made me faint."

"You don't do that, anymore." He almost sounded disappointed but I could hear the smile in his voice.

"That night I basically asked you straight out if we could ever have sex."

He chuckled. "Oh, how I remember that. You certainly stirred things up for me when you asked that."

"Why?"

"Just the thought that you actually wanted me that way. There aren't words for how _that _felt."

"But you said no."

"Well, I had only just kissed you ... I was just trying to pace myself."

I started to laugh and so did he.

"Yeah, sure Edward."

He shrugged then. "At the time I never believed it would be possible," he said simply.

"And look how wrong you were." I linked my fingers through his and rubbed our hands over my belly.

"Very wrong," he said smiling.

"But you did want to?"

"You know I did, Bella."

"You were cryptic. You told me you weren't human, but you were a man."

"You understood my meaning, though."

"I suppose so."

He leant forward then, his lips close to my ear, and he whispered.

"I wanted you Isabella. Very much."

I was surprised at his use of my full name, but somehow it added weight to his words. A smug smile settled over my face.

"But I couldn't even let myself really think about it, or imagine it ... not then. My words might have been a little ... vague, but it wouldn't have been wise of me to give more voice than that to what I was feeling." I felt him rest his chin on top of my head. "And it wouldn't have been very gentlemanly," he added.

I snorted and he laughed and then the ache got stronger, tighter and this time it took my breath away.

"Bella?"

"Mm, that one hurt."

His hands rubbed over my back. "Here?"

"Um, no. It was in the front that time, down low. But it's gone again."

I took a few deep breaths and suddenly I was aware of a change in Edward. I knew he was nervous, we both were, but his whole body tensed and I had the feeling he wanted to say something.

"That fridge in the bathroom ... ,"

I wondered where this was going. "Carlisle's storing blood in it, just in case, right?"

I heard him swallow.

"There's something else in there, Bella."

I lifted my head from its place on his chest and looked up at him. His eyes were serious.

"There's a syringe of my venom in there."

I really wasn't expecting that and he could see it in my face. His lips twisted and he swallowed again.

"Bella, if something goes wrong, which it won't, but ... if it does, and you're in danger of dying ... ," his eyes closed and he took a deep breath before swallowing again, "... it would be my wish to change you." He opened his anguished eyes to search my face. "Please tell me if that would be your wish too. I need to know that I have your consent to change you if I feel it's necessary ... to save you." He was quiet then, staring at me intently, his eyes still searching.

I was a little stunned and it took me a moment to answer. Every second Edward's anxiety increased until I could feel it rolling off him in waves. I realised and shook myself a little.

"Yes, of course. That would be my wish, too."

He took a very deep breath and closed his eyes.

"Thank you," he whispered as he dropped his head to rest on my shoulder.

"But you should know that's what I would want."

He lifted his face. "I do, but I needed to know for sure. Especially as ... ," he buried his face in my shoulder again.

"Especially as what?" I winced as another pain spiked and Edward pulled back, instinctively rubbing my back and my bump at the same time.

"I can't lose you, Bella." That was all he said and I understood.

"What about the baby?"

He let out a sharp breath. "I'd get the baby out first." His face was serious. "We _will_ be a family, Bella. It _will_ be the three of us."

I nodded and rested back against him.

"Why wouldn't you just bite me?"

"I'd bite too. But injecting venom directly into your heart would hopefully make the transformation faster. I'm theorising that you'd be in pain for less time."

"Did you say _into my heart?_"

"Yes."

"But ... ,"

"I don't think you'd notice any discomfort from it. I'd be very quick and ... it would be quickly masked by other sensations."

"Oh." I thought how odd this conversation was. "How did you collect the venom?"

"Of course you want to know that," he chuckled a little and I knew his mood had lifted. "I filled a glass with venom and then poured it into the syringe."

"Yeah, but how did you get the venom out of you?"

"It pools in my mouth when I receive certain stimuli. A bit like your mouth watering when you're hungry."

"So, how ... ," he was hedging.

He heaved a sigh. "Two nights ago while you were sleeping I took a glass out into the forest behind the cottage. I sat under a tree and thought vampire thoughts. It didn't take long to fill the glass." He'd spoken quickly, like he wanted to get it over with.

"What are vampire thoughts? Why did you go outside?"

I winced and shifted as another wave of pain hit and then faded away. Each time it happened I felt Edward's tension. His hands rubbed over me.

"I thought about hunting, about mountain lions, about stalking and chasing and drinking. I let my instincts take over just enough to produce plenty of venom, but not enough that I wasted it on looking for food."

"And outside?"

"Purely a safety precaution. I never want to be near you while I'm in that mindset."

I nodded understanding. And then the next pain took my breath away and I gasped.

"Love?"

"Mm, bad one."

And I felt slightly damp between the legs again, but not like in the car.

The car.

"Oh, Edward, I'm so sorry about the car." I said as the pain faded away a little. I twisted my face around to see his and he was obviously puzzled.

"What do you mean?"

"You know, when my waters started breaking."

His eyes popped open wide and his mouth dropped open.

"You're ... you're not serious, Bella. Please tell me you're not serious."

"Well, it's just, I know its special and now it's probably ruined and ... ,"

"No!" He said it almost sharply. "How could you think I'm worried about the car?"

"I ... I know, but ... ,"

"No. No buts. You're my wife, this is our child ... ," his hand rubbed over my bump. "What do you think is more important?" His voice was incredulous now.

"Will you be able to get it cleaned? Or will you have to get rid of it."

He closed his eyes and shook his head. Then he opened his eyes and stared at me, closely.

"Bella, love, if you don't stop worrying about the car I'll carry you back downstairs and let you give birth in it."

I wrinkled up my nose and started to laugh and so did he.

Yeah, I was laughing now, but in a few minutes I wouldn't care if an elephant gave birth in the Vanquish.

I felt heavier somehow. And I was starting to feel restless. The nagging ache in my back was constant now, no longer fading away. And it was stronger. "I think I want another shower. I want to feel the water on me."

Edward didn't say anything, but helped me off the bed and I waddled into the bathroom.

"Do you want me to stay with you?"

"No, I just ... no I'll be fine."

The warm water felt good on my back as I leant my palms against the cold tiles, my forehead pressed on the wall between them. The ache in my back was quite strong and there had been more pains low down in front. A particularly bad one made me cry out. Immediately, Edward was at the door.

"Bella, love? Can I come in?" The worry in his voice was palpable.

I nodded and then realised he couldn't see that. I'd have to speak even though it felt like too much effort at that moment.

"Yes."

The door open and Edward came in but I didn't turn my head to look at him. I was focusing on the new pain that was starting low and working its way up my body. It felt like I was being squeezed, hard, from the inside, and for a moment it felt impossible to take in air.

I was aware that Edward had opened the glass door of the shower.

"Just tell me what to do." he said softly.

I twisted my head on the tiles to look at him.

"Hold me?"

In a vampire second he'd pulled off his sweat pants and joined me under the water. And, just like we'd seen on the DVD, I linked my hands around his neck and started rocking. And it helped. A little. Every time a new pain hit I'd bite my lip and ball my hands into fists.

"Bella, I ... I know it hurts, love. Please don't try to hide it."

I nodded. "Okay, but you have to promise not to freak out."

"I promise."

So I let out the groan I'd been holding back. Edward's hands came around and began rubbing on my back soothingly. I rested my head on his chest but after a few more minutes my legs became wobbly.

Without me saying a word, Edward opened the shower door, reached out to grab a towel from the rail. He dropped it on the floor at his feet, then helped me to kneel down on it while he knelt in front of me.

"Better?" he asked and I nodded as I rested against his lap and his chest, his hands still rubbing.

I reached down to touch my belly, it felt so tight. And then suddenly, as my fingers moved over the skin, the hardness gave way underneath them. The rock hard surface crumpled and my belly felt like jelly.

"Edward!" I panicked and he put his hands on me immediately. He felt all over my bump, then began grinning.

"It's dissolving," he said. "That's why you've been so hot, your body needed the temperature to dissolve the amniotic sac, that's how it works!" He started laughing and I could hear his relief.

"Then no chewing through my stomach, huh?"

"No, no chewing."

"And if I need a c-section, you can do one, right?"

"Er, yes. But hopefully that won't be necessary."

I nodded, feeling better despite the pains.

And a moment later, a thick, cloudy fluid left my body ... and then the fun really started.

I walked, I sat astride a chair, I tried rocking on all fours. I didn't want to be touched. Edward sat cross-legged in the middle of the bed, wearing just his sweat pants, running his hands through his hair constantly and occasionally gnawing on his finger when he thought I didn't see. Sometimes he lay on his back, the heels of his fisted hands pressed into his eyes. He groaned as my discomfort increased.

Meanwhile, I prowled the room looking for relief.

Nothing felt right and I'd tried everything except the bean bag. I hated the bean bag. I refused to even have it in the room. It made me feel awkward and uncomfortable and stupid.

"I want the bean bag."

"You, you want it?"

"Yes, please."

Edward pulled it from the closet and a moment later I was leaning over it and Edward knelt beside me, rubbing my back.

"Is this okay?"

"Yes."

The bean bag was right. It was more comfortable and I gave a little sigh as I rested my face against its cool surface. I stayed that way for a while, with Edward's cool hands on my back.

"Bella, I should probably see how far you've progressed," he said gently as I groaned into the brown vinyl.

"What?"

"I ... um, I need to examine you, love."

I screwed my eyes shut. This would be romantic.

"Do I have to move?"

"I need you to be at a different angle, but don't worry, I'll lift you."

He lifted me carefully and laid me back on the bed.

"Alright, I'm just going to see how far ... ," he trailed off and I saw his head disappear between my legs.

It hurt and I winced.

"I'm so sorry," his eyes were pained when he lifted his head to look at me.

"S'okay," I murmured. "So how far?" I groaned as another pain gripped me. No more squeezing now, this was crushing and I was surprised after each contraction that my heart and lungs were still working.

I threw out a hand and Edward grabbed it, letting me squeeze it so my own fingers almost broke.

"You're doing really well." He sounded almost proud and it annoyed me. "I don't think it'll be too much longer."

"How long has it been already?"

"Don't think about that right now, Bella, it's prob ... ,"

"How long!"

"Four hours."

"Thank you. Can I go back to the bean bag now?"

The pain intensified, growing stronger, harder, coming more quickly. Edward paced as I groaned. He probably wasn't going to have any hair left by the time this was over, not the way he was pulling and tugging on it. And soon I wanted him beside me. I gripped his hands on each contraction and he brushed my hair back and whispered encouragements and that he loved me until I asked him, politely, to stop talking.

He wanted to examine me again, but this time he lifted the bean bag with me and put us both onto the bed.

"You're close," he said, stepping back and coming to stand beside me and hold my hand. I was panting and he brushed the hair back from my slick, wet forehead.

And then, there was a new pain, the crushing squeeze gave way to something else. Something intense, fiery, twisting, pulling me apart. I was aware of Edward's voice but I wasn't listening to the words.

Because at that moment, as that new pain took me, I wished I'd never laid eyes on Edward Cullen.

And I might have told him so.

Words spilled from my lips, but I couldn't be sure what they were, my mind, my body was under siege.

And then the pain eased, pulling back, still hinting at more to come, but I was me again, sort of.

And through the haze of fading pain I focused on Edward, because suddenly, his expression worried me. His eyes were wide, his mouth open into a silent gasp as he stared between my legs. He stared and he stared.

"What? What's happening?"

It was as though he hadn't heard me.

"Edward!" I somehow managed to snap out his name through gritted teeth while my breath was coming in pants.

Still no response. Just the open-mouthed stare. I wasn't in the mood and I could feel that fiery sensation starting to return.

"Edward! You can't stare at me like that and not tell me what's happening!"

He blinked twice and shook himself. Then he raised his eyes to look at me.

"I can see ... ," he started but his voice cracked and he looked back down again. "The head is crowning." He started smiling. "Our baby has hair."

Hair?

"What colour?" The pants were getting harder, I could feel another contraction coming to combine with the fire that was starting to burn again.

"I don't know ... dark."

And then it hit. Burning. Stretching. Crushing. Pain. I heard Edward calling me to push and I did. He had one hand between my legs, the other linked with mine.

Then Edward's eyes were frowning, he let go of my hand and both of his were busy. He was murmuring something but I couldn't hear him. I flopped back against the pillows and closed my eyes. I didn't want to do this anymore, I'd changed my mind. When I had the energy, I would tell him so.

But his voice was getting louder. Maybe I should listen. I opened my eyes.

"I think just one more, Bella." He was beaming. "The head is out."

"I don't think I can."

He stretched out a hand and grabbed mine.

"Just one more, love, I promise." His eyes surprised me, the emotion there was strong but I couldn't read it. Not at that moment.

And then, as the next contraction started I curled my head forward, took a breath and used every muscle I had, from my scalp to my toes.

There was relief, my body felt easier, lighter, and the pain was gone. I flopped back on the pillows again and took a deep breath. I watched Edward, bent over. I couldn't see his face, his hands were working fast.

"Is everything alright? What do we have?" I asked and my voice sounded weak. I assumed the baby was out, that's what it felt like. But I couldn't hear anything. I curled my head forward to see. Did we have a son or daughter?

"Edward? What's happening?"

Then I heard it.

A soft little cry.

I gasped, tears filling my eyes at the sound.

Edward straightened and my breath caught. The love, the exultation was just shining out of him. There was no other way to describe it. He was shining. The smile on his face told of love, joy and miracles. He stared at the small bundle in his arms. Then he lifted his eyes to mine and my heart swelled and my tears really started flowing at what I saw there. The awe and the wonder were so deep, so powerful, it was truly breathtaking. His voice cracked as he spoke.

"Oh, Bella ... she's beautiful."


	19. Chapter 19: Family

**All things Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended.**

* * *

A girl.

A daughter.

_Our_ daughter.

My heart felt like it was standing still and I held my breath as I watched her laying in her father's arms, her head cradled tenderly in his hands. Her little arms were raised and her hands open, fingers spread wide, and they moved in jerky circles as she cried. Edward's chest moved with heavy breaths as he stared at her. Then he closed his eyes and slowly, almost hesitantly, lowered his face and softly touched his lips to her forehead.

Her cries quietened, becoming soft little snuffles as he gathered a towel from the bed and gently wrapped it around her, cuddling her into his chest and bending his face again to touch his nose to hers, softly. Then he came to me, his joy, pure and unrestrained, mingling with disbelief on his face.

She was perfect.

Gently, almost reverently, Edward laid her in my arms ... and she was perfect. .

Little pink, rosebud lips. A small snub of a nose. A soft dusting of wispy hair, wet and slick with the residue of her birth, but already hinting at shades of bronze. She was quiet now and her eyelids eased open, showing me the soft grey beneath.

I loosened the towel a little to see her. She was streaked with blood, her skin looked a little too big and she was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen. My heart swelled with a fierce love I hadn't known existed and feeling the weight of her in my arms told me this was all real.

_She_ was real.

We were a family, and I sucked in jerky, shuddering breaths.

I was transfixed. This tiny, perfect person had come from me ... from _us. _

"Is she alright?" I asked, my breathing slowly coming under control as I studied her.

"Yes, she's alright." Edward's voice was shaky as he very gently eased himself down on the bed beside me. He rested a tender hand on my back.

"She looks so ... perfect."

"She is," he whispered.

He touched his finger to her fist, moving it across her tiny palm when she opened her hand in response. Her fingers closed around him and she hung on.

"Ten fingers, ten toes," Edward whispered, voice thick, as he smiled at me. "She's real, isn't she?" he said.

I gave a quick, shaky laugh as he echoed my thoughts. "Yes, she is." Fresh tears filled my eyes.

"Oh, Bella," he breathed. He buried his face in my hair and took a shuddering breath. Then he pulled away and his lips found mine in a soft, tender kiss as his hand moved from my back to rest on my cheek. I looked up into his face and my heart thudded to a halt, waiting a beat before it started again at twice its normal pace. His gaze held me like it never had before, burning into me, deep. Then a tremor began in his lip and he bit to stop it before he spoke.

"Thank you."

It was a broken whisper, barely a breath, and yet they were the richest words I'd ever heard, laced with a love so deep that it reached into my soul and held on, never to let me go. And I understood exactly what that _thank you_ was for - for his daughter, for his wife, for loving, for believing, for the past two years, for the future ... for this life together that he never thought he'd have.

He closed his eyes and rested his head against mine.

The sun was slowly making its way into the sky and our room was bathed in a soft, pale, early morning light.

It had still been dark when he'd carried us back through the trees to the cottage. The baby had been nestled in my arms, I had been nestled in Edward's. He'd held me gently, carefully, tucked in close against his chest as he'd moved slowly through the forest, his bare feet hardly rustling the leaves as he'd brought his family home.

He'd placed us gently on the bed, then climbed on to cuddle us both against him. All was peace and quiet as we lay together, our baby sleeping peacefully between us, wrapped snugly now in her blanket with the yellow ducks on it.

I knew I should feel tired, but I didn't. I felt exhilarated and I smiled as I touched my fingers to her cheek again. Her skin was velvet, downy soft, not like vampire skin at all. Edward's long fingers were gently stroking her toes which she'd wriggled free of her blanket. His other hand held mine, his thumb moving in gentle circles. He looked up at me again.

"I love you," he mouthed, smiling, his eyes shining.

"And I love you," I whispered back.

It wasn't the first time we'd spoken those words since she'd been born.

Some light fell on his hand and I marveled, as always, at the soft rainbow that sparked off his skin.

"They'll be home soon, won't they?" I asked softly. Edward nodded and I smiled. I was enjoying the peace, this quiet time together, but I was also excited for our family to meet the newest arrival.

Carlisle had finally returned Edward's call during the baby's first feed, back at the house. We'd both been fascinated, watching as her lips moved in a slow, rhythmic pout over my skin. I'd brushed my fingers over her plump, pink cheek while Edward rested his head gently, weightlessly against my shoulder. I'd been lost, reveling in the intimate knowledge that we were the only people in the world who knew she was here, real and alive, so I was startled when Edward's phone had vibrated, rattling loudly from its place on the metal trolley.

"Hello, Grandpa. You missed all the excitement," he'd said and then held the phone out for me to hear Esme's delighted squeal. Their conversation had been brief, and mostly medical, and Edward had finished by saying he would call Alice and Jasper and then Rosalie and Emmett - the Cullens were hunting separately.

But Alice had called before he had a chance to dial. She was excited, wanting us to know she'd just had her first vision of me in seven months. I had heard her voice through the phone.

"I can see Bella again! I can see her ... and she's feeding a baby!"

And Edward had grinned. "You're a little late, Alice," he'd smiled. "I'm watching the real thing in front of me right now." And the sigh in his voice, the contentment, made my heart skip as he'd leant across to kiss me, running his nose along mine while I heard more excited squeals come through the phone.

Then Edward had rung Rosalie and Emmett and while Rosalie wasn't a squealer, I had heard Emmett's booming yell.

"I suppose we need to get organised, they're all on their way home, now," Edward had said, putting the phone down and looking around the room.

So we'd washed and dressed the baby, tucked her into her blanket and put her in the plastic, hospital crib and then Edward had helped me into the shower. I'd enjoyed the warm water on my skin and in my hair while he tidied and cleaned the bedroom. And when I stepped out he was waiting for me. And instead of the glamorous "after ensemble" that Alice had bought me, all ivory silk with embroidery and beading, he'd handed me my softest old sweat pants and baggy t-shirt. That simple action made me cry again and he had hugged me close.

So now we lay on our bed in the cottage. The three of us.

"I'd like to call Charlie, now," I said as the room got a little brighter. "He might be awake, but if he isn't, I don't think he'll mind being woken for this."

Edward grinned and passed me the phone. As I dialled he lifted her tiny foot in his hand and bent down to kiss it. She jerked it away and he smiled.

Charlie was groggy when he answered and he mumbled "What baby?" when I announced our news. I laughed as I remembered the last time I'd heard him say that. Six months earlier on his slippery kitchen floor as Edward and I felt her move for the first time. It seemed so long ago now. I took a breath and tried again.

"_Our_ baby, Dad. She's here, she's a girl. You're a grandpa."

Edward winked at me, smiling.

There was silence and then all of a sudden ... ,

"Holy ... you're kidding? She's here? She's a girl? Holy cow! Bella, that's ... holy cow, I'm a grandpa!"

Edward was chuckling and my cheeks were starting to hurt from the grin plastered over my face. "Is everything okay?" he asked and I heard him mutter _holy cow_ again, under his breath.

"Everything's fine, Dad. We'd like you to come over later and meet her."

"Yeah, I'd like that, Bells, sure. Um, maybe this afternoon, give you some time to .... well, just give you some time."

I smiled. "Come whenever you want, Dad. She's looking forward to meeting you."

He gave an awkward half cough, half laugh and I was beaming as I flipped the phone closed.

I bent down to kiss my daughter's forehead, tracing my nose over her soft skin.

"Renee?" Edward asked and I nodded.

"Get ready for more squealing," I said as I dialed her number.

And Renee did, indeed, squeal down the phone at me.

"Oh, Bella, honey! A little girl! That's three generations of women in the family, now. Oh sweetheart we'll have to get one of those family photo portraits, the three of us, you know, where we're all wearing white dresses, or maybe white t-shirts and blue jeans, and we're sitting at the foot of a tree by a creek with bare feet. And I'll be holding the baby in my lap and you'll have your head resting on my shoulder ... oh, Bella, I can just picture it now."

Edward's shoulders were shaking with supressed laughs as he tried not to jostle the baby.

"So what's her name? Is today her birthday? March twelfth?"

"Um, yes today's her birthday, she was born early this morning. And the name we're still deciding on. But we have a short list."

"Oh, well that's alright. You were a week old before Charlie and I could agree on anything."

I was? I didn't know that, but somehow it didn't surprise. "So it was a home birth as planned? How long was your labour?"

"Yes, home birth and, oh, um ... ," I didn't actually know how long. I turned to Edward, I remembered him saying something about four hours, but I couldn't remember when that had been.

"Seven hours," he mouthed.

I raised my eyebrows. "Really?" I mouthed back.

He nodded as he whispered. "Two hours from the Vanquish to the sac dissolving, and after that just over five hours until she was born. Seven hours and twelve minutes."

I turned back to the phone. "Um, seven hours."

"That's not too bad for a first one, you did well. So was Edward with you?"

"Yes, he was with me. Actually, he delivered her. Carlisle was away."

There was a gasp. "What? By himself? Oh, sweetheart, are you alright? Did you need to go to hospital after? Did you need sti ... ,"

"Mom! No hospital. I'm fine, everything's fine."

Edward was smiling, shaking his head.

"Really? Wow, either you're very lucky or Edward really knew what he was doing."

"Yeah, I think it was a bit of both."

"And who does she look like? You or Edward?"

"Oh, well she has Edward's hair colour we think. It might be too soon to say who she looks like, though." She looked like _herself, _I thought.

"And how did the whale music go, honey? Did you chant?"

"Oh, um, not so much of the chanting. The whales were ... yeah, thanks for the whales." I grimaced at my awkward half-lie and shrugged as Edward raised an amused eyebrow.

"Listen honey, I'll call the airlines now and see how soon I can come and see you and my little gran ... see the baby."

I was chuckling softly as I said goodbye.

"She _does _need a name," Edward said quietly. "Do you still like Renesmee?"

"Mm, I don't know, now. You don't really like it, do you?"

Renesmee was a mixture of Renee and Esme and I'd come up with it after Alice's name combining game at the baby shower.

"If it's what you really want, love, I'm happy to call her Renesmee."

I looked at her. Was she a Renesmee? Did it suit her?

"You realise though, she'll probably get Nessie for short."

My mouth dropped open as I looked at Edward.

"No. Do you really think ... ? No-one would call her Nessie. Yuk." I gave a little shudder and he shrugged.

"It's very common for humans to shorten someone's name," he said.

"No-one calls you Eddie."

"No-one would dare." He looked up and gave me his vampire stare and I laughed.

"Always the wrong reaction," he chuckled quietly. "So, _Bells_," he said pointedly and I rolled my eyes at him. "If Renesmee is crossed off the list now we'd better start again."

He reached across me and the baby, kissing me as he did so, and picked up _1001 Baby Names_ from its place on my bedside table and handed it to me.

Tucked inside the cover was our short list.

Grace

Elizabeth

Susannah

"I don't know," Edward said, eyebrows pulled together as he stared at the page in my hand and then down at our daughter. "Now she's here, she doesn't look like any of these. Not as a first name, anyway."

He was right. They were lovely names, but they didn't seem to fit.

"Well, what about the other names we liked. Does she look like Charlotte, Emma, Zoe ... ," I trailed off as I flipped through the pages of the book, my eyes scanning random names, not liking any of them. Edward was still staring at her, his lips twisting as he concentrated and considered.

"I don't know," he murmured quietly.

And then I saw it. On the very first page. A name I hadn't thought of before. A pretty name, feminine, not too unusual ... but it was the meaning that really caught my attention ...

_a father's joy; bringer of joy_

I said the name to myself and smiled. It sounded right. I looked at my little daughter, and it felt right.

"Found something?" Edward's eyebrow was raised as he looked at me.

"I think so. How about this?" I held out the book and pointed. I saw his eyes become very soft and he looked up at me, smiling, and then at the baby. He touched her cheek.

"Perfect," he whispered.

Yes, it was.

After a moment he cocked his head to the side and I could see him considering again as he looked at her.

"I wonder, what do you think of Elizabeth for a middle name? Does that work?"

I smiled. "Yes, Elizabeth works." I was glad he had included his mother's name.

Edward leant up to kiss me, then he looked back towards the baby who was still sleeping peacefully, making occasional soft little snuffly sounds.

"Abbey Elizabeth Cullen," he whispered and kissed her forehead. "Welcome."

It was only a little while later when Edward sat up and smiled. I could see the excitement in his eyes.

"They're home," he said. "Do you want to do this here, or move into the living room?"

"Living room, I think." Edward nodded.

He climbed off the bed and came to help me up.

"Do you want me to carry you?"

"No, I'll walk. You carry the ... you carry Abbey." I smiled up at him as I used her name for the first time.

"I'll carry Abbey," he grinned back and I giggled. I was sure he was going to burst with pride any second now.

He bent down and scooped her gently into his arms. He held her close and his sigh was audible when she nestled into him.

He cradled her in the crook of one arm while he supported me around my waist with the other. I nuzzled my head against him, breathing him in deep and he sighed again and I felt his lips in my hair.

"Have I told you I love you?" he asked quietly.

"Not for a few minutes, no."

"Remiss of me. I love you."

I grinned. "Same."

We made slow progress down the hallway and he helped me get comfortable on the sofa. I held my arms out for Abbey just as there was a knock at the door.

The first thing I saw was an enormous bunch of pink and silver helium balloons, all bearing the words _It's A Girl!_ Behind the balloon cloud was Emmett, his face grinning. Following him came Rosalie, smiling, then Alice, laden with pink carrier bags, Jasper, looking shy and finally Carlisle and Esme, both with beaming smiles. I wondered if they'd orchestrated it so they all arrived at the same time.

"Can we say hello?" Emmett asked in his version of a whisper as they all stood just inside the door, uncertain, staring and smiling.

"Sure, come and say hi," I said as Edward took the balloons and tied their strings around the coat stand.

And then I was engulfed in a vampire huddle.

"So beautiful!"

"So cute!"

"Tiny fingernails."

"Edward, she has your hair colour!"

"Where's your _after ensemble_?"

"Congratulations! Both of you!"

"Ooh, look, she's opened her eyes!"

"Wow, Edward, _you_ did this? She's beautiful." A look of disbelief crossed Emmett's face.

"I did have some help." Edward winked at me.

"Yeah, well I'd expect something so good from Bella, but you?" He punched Edward playfully in the arm.

"She's so ... small." Emmett got on his knees then as he peered closely. "Is she meant to be that small?"

"Yes, Emmett, she's meant to be that small," Edward chuckled.

"Does she have a name?" Rosalie asked, shushing Emmett and pushing Edward out of the way so she could get a closer look.

"Yes, she does," I looked to Edward, who stood at the back of the huddle now, watching proudly.

"She's Abbey Elizabeth Cullen," he said quietly, smiling.

"Oh, I like that," Rose said and everyone was in agreement.

"It means _father's joy_," I said and Esme beamed at me.

"Perfect," she said and we exchanged a look. "She looks like an Abbey," she said finally, staring down at the baby in my arms as she sat beside me.

"Would you like to hold her?" I asked and Esme's eyes widened a little.

"Oh, are you sure?" She seemed hesitant.

"Yes." I lifted Abbey a little and Esme slid her arms under mine and took her. It had been many years since she'd held her own baby, but it came naturally to her and she seemed very comfortable as she held her, patting her softly on the bottom. "She's so beautiful," she whispered, touching Abbey's fingers with her own.

Then Abbey was passed around the family. Everyone took a seat and each of the Cullens waited their turn to hold her, and welcome her.

I wondered at first if Abbey would become unsettled by all the different sets of arms, but she just yawned occasionally, which would bring a round of _Ahh's_ and _Ooh's_.

Emmett's huge arms engulfed her, all sign of her almost lost and I could see that Edward was about to chew his lip off as he knelt by me, watching anxiously, one hand bunched tightly in his hair. He relaxed slightly, well, he let his lip go anyway, when she was passed to Jasper who was cautious, tentative.

"You need to support her head," Edward said quietly as Jasper adjusted his hold.

He smiled down at her. "Her scent," he said, and raised his nose a little as though he were sampling a delicate perfume. I bit back a laugh as the others did the same - seven perfect noses sniffing the air. "It's light and neutral. No appeal at all."

And seven perfect heads nodded in agreement.

Rosalie seemed as comfortable as Esme when her turn came and I remembered how in her human life she'd helped with her friend's children. Those memories were obviously as strong as Esme's. She enveloped Abbey in a loving hug and kissed her little fingers.

"You're very lucky," she whispered to me and there was no jealousy or resentment there, only happiness. "I've been looking forward to playing _auntie_."

"I've never held a baby before, at least not that I remember," Alice giggled as Rosalie carefully handed Abbey over. Alice bit her lip. "She really is lovely," she said, looking at her intently. "I picked up some things for her on the way home."

I looked towards the carrier bags that she'd tossed to the side of the room when she arrived.

"A _few_ things?" Edward sounded amused.

"Well, everything you've bought so far is very neutral. Now we know she's a girl it's different ... we know what to buy. And we'll have such fun! There are so many things to teach her ... how to walk in heels, how to wear make-up, and with that hair colour she'll be stunning."

"Alice, she's not even a day old, can we keep her out of heels for the moment?" There was just the slightest edge of frustration in Edward's voice, but his eyes were warm as he smiled at his sister.

Alice laughed. "For the moment," she answered brightly.

"May I hold her?" Carlisle had been very quiet, staying towards the back of the back of the group during the huddle, watching, smiling, I'd seen him have a quiet word in Edward's ear earlier as he'd embraced him firmly.

"Of course," Edward said and Alice slipped the baby gently into his waiting arms.

He smiled down at her and his lips moved quickly but I couldn't hear what he said. I wondered if Edward had heard. His eyes were very soft as he looked at her, then he placed a loving hand on her head.

"I'm so proud of you both," he said quietly, looking at me and then at Edward. "It must have been quite something to bring your own child into the world together."

"It was," I said shyly.

Edward just looked down and stayed silent. He gave a slight nod of his head, but I noticed his throat was working, swallowing quickly, his jaw tense and I suspected that he didn't trust his voice to answer.

Carlisle smiled again. "So it all started with a tumble in the park yesterday," he said with a chuckle and lightening the mood.

It all started with a tumble in the meadow seven months ago, I thought to myself and snickered softly. But you can't snicker softly in front of vampires, they hear everything. Seven faces turned to look at me.

"Oh, nothing ... just, nothing," I mumbled, blushing again, and they turned back to Carlisle, though Edward's eyes stayed on mine a moment longer, his eyebrow raised in question.

"Later," I mouthed.

"Alice, do you still have that vision of me getting an urgent call at work? Carlisle asked. "I've been wondering if perhaps that related to something else, after all."

"No!" she said immediately. "That flickered and faded away while we were hunting. I didn't know why, but then I saw Bella feeding the baby." She turned to me, grinning. "You're back now, you know, Bella. I can see you clearly, but Abbey's a bit fuzzy." She frowned then and moved closer to Carlisle, reaching out an elegant hand and stroking Abbey's head. "It could be because she's new, or because she's half and half, I'm not sure." Her frown continued as she tried to puzzle it out.

Then Carlisle became Dr Cullen as he began discussing the things Edward had explained to me earlier.

"Her body temperature ... roughly fifty eight degrees?"

Edward nodded. "That was my estimation, too." Then he smiled hugely. "She doesn't seem to mind the coolness of my skin too much." My heart skipped when he said it. He'd been so happy when she'd comfortably snuggled into him and that happiness was shining across his face now.

"And her heart," I could see Carlisle was listening, calculating. "Sixty three beats per minute."

Edward nodded again and Carlisle chuckled. "She would definitely have had them worried in the hospital."

"What should it be?" Jasper asked.

"Around a hundred and ten beats a minute for a human newborn," Edward answered.

Carlisle nodded. "And what we know from Siobhan's letter, I'd say her heart rate will slow down more as she grows. Just as a human's does through childhood and into adulthood." He stroked her cheek and she wrinkled up her nose. "Her skin feels like a human baby's."

"I noticed that, too," Edward said. "I wonder if it will become more like mine as she gets older."

"Probably," Carlisle said. Carlisle smiled. "Can you read her mind at all, Edward?"

That was something I hadn't thought to ask and my head snapped up to him.

He was frowning. "I don't know. I get flurries of activity sometimes. I think she recognises Bella's voice, and mine. But there's nothing consistent or concrete. It's more that ... she's becoming aware, rather than actually _thinking_. And sometimes it fades away to nothing at all."

"It will be interesting to see what happens there," Carlisle nodded.

"Did it hurt?" Alice asked me quietly and there was concern in her face. She'd moved back to the sofa and was sitting beside me now, holding my hand in hers. I shot a quick look at Edward and saw him stiffen slightly.

"Um, a bit, yeah."

He raised a disbelieving eyebrow and I shrugged.

"Was it like in the movies, did you yell and call Edward names?" Emmett laughed and Edward just shook his head.

"_No_, I didn't," I said, but then a vague memory floated through my mind. "... did I, Edward?"

His lips twitched a bit, trying to hide a smile.

"You might have said a few things," was all he answered and my heart sank.

"What did I say?"

"It doesn't matter."

Yes, it did matter. I hoped I hadn't called him names.

"What did she call you?" Emmett was clearly enjoying this.

"Bella didn't call me any names," he said clearly.

"What did I say?" I was worried now.

"I'll tell you later," Edward said smiling at me.

"Whoa, must have been bad," Emmett was grinning as Rosalie whacked his arm.

"Emmett, that's probably personal," she hissed.

And then Abbey opened her mouth and started to cry.

"Oh, time to hand her back," Carlisle laughed and Edward stepped forward to take her. He held her to his chest and kissed the top of her head.

"Feeding time?" he asked, turning to me and I nodded.

"We'll leave you, then," Esme said and with last looks at the baby and hugs for Edward and me, the Cullens left.

"What did I say to you, Edward?"

"Do you want to feed her here, or on the bed?"

"Here is fine," I said and sat back while Edward put more cushions behind me. "But what did I say?"

He took a deep breath and smoothed out the creases in my forehead with a gentle touch. "It wasn't anything bad," he said, smiling, and I nodded, then focused for a moment as I got Abbey settled.

"Go ahead, tell me," I whispered, wincing just slightly as she began to suck. I was still getting used to the sensation.

Edward sat back into the sofa and stroked his fingers gently along my arm.

"Well, it was only towards the very end ..." he started and I nodded again. "You said you wished you'd never left Phoenix." I vaguely remembered that. "And you said you should have stayed away from me, like I'd warned you to." His eyes were soft, gentle.

"Oh, Edward, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean it." I remembered now. Sort of.

"Don't apologise, Bella." He kissed my shoulder and touched his fingers to Abbey's.

"Was that it?" I asked.

"Mm hm," but he didn't look at me and I was suspicious.

"There _was _something else, wasn't there? Tell me." His nose wrinkled slightly. "Edward, if you don't tell me I'm only going to think it was really, really bad." That was usually his argument and he gave me an amused look, raising an eyebrow. "Was it bad?" I asked again.

"No, it wasn't bad."

"Then why don't you want to tell me?"

"Because I think I know how you'll react."

I kept up my stare and he sighed then, realising I wouldn't let it go.

"Alright. When Abbey's head was coming ... ,"

"Yes ... what?" I realised I was holding my breath.

The corner of his mouth twitched. "You were calling for holy water and a crucifix."

"Oh!"

My hand shot to my mouth, jostling Abbey slightly and Edward's hand reached out gently to steady her.

"Oh, Edward! How can you say that's not bad? I'm so, so sorry." I couldn't believe I'd said that. After all the time I'd spent convincing him that his being a vampire didn't matter to me.

"Bella, please don't, love. Don't apologise." He seemed sort of amused.

"But that's a dreadful thing to say to you, how can you say ... ," I shook my head. "I didn't mean it, you know I didn't mean it."

"I know," he said and kissed me softly. "I know." His eyes were bright, he was smiling.

I looked down at Abbey, sucking happily, completely unaware of my distress, thankfully.

"Weren't you upset?" I asked.

"Mm, not in the way you think."

"Then in what way?"

His lips twisted and a flicker of pain showed in his eyes, just quickly.

"Your pain upset me, not the words." He spoke quickly, quietly and then he smiled. "But, love, I didn't care what you said. I would have taken a stake through the heart if it would have helped." He winked at me.

My mouth dropped open and he laughed.

"I ... Edward I never ...," tears started welling in my eyes, tipping over the edge and spilling onto my cheeks. "I'm so sorry."

He put his arm around me and held me close. He put his lips close to my ear and his voice was amused, teasing, as his cool breath washed over my skin. "Bella, if you apologise again, I'll tell Emmett."

Charlie was a quiet man, but I'd never seen him so at a loss for words.

"Would you like to hold her?" I asked and he shook his head as he stared at the baby in my arms.

I was back on the sofa, after lunch, a quick nap and another feed. Abbey hadn't slept in her crib yet, only in Edward's arms or mine.

"No, don't wake her. Let sleeping babies lie." He smiled. "She's so beautiful, Bells. Really beautiful. Oh, these are for you."

I'd thought they might have been. A bunch of pink carnations. He'd been hanging on to them since he'd arrived, clearly forgetting about them as soon as he saw Abbey.

"Thanks, Dad, they're beautiful."

My hands were full so he laid them down on the coffee table.

"I thought, you know ... pink ... , oh, and this."

He reached into the gift bag he held.

"Oh, Dad," I didn't know what to say.

"I was going to get a bear, but then I saw this. It's not the usual thing, I know, but I thought ... well, you know. If you don't like it I can ... ,"

"It's perfect, Charlie," Edward said. "She'll love it, thank you."

Charlie nodded and gave a sniff.

It was a toy swan. A soft one, fluffy, white, with a graceful neck and a yellow beak and shiny black eyes. A pink bow was tied awkwardly around its neck - Charlie had obviously added that touch himself.

"It really is great, Dad. Thanks." And I gave a heavy sniff, trying to stop the tears that I knew would make him uncomfortable.

He set it down on the coffee table beside the flowers. It fell sideways, its beak landing in a carnation and we laughed.

"Are you sure you wouldn't like to hold her, Charlie?" Edward sat opposite in the arm chair, smiling.

"She's sleeping really well so far, Dad, I don't think you'll wake her."

Charlie looked a little uncertain. "Well, if you're sure." He settled back in the sofa next to me and I passed her across. Once she was in his arms I reached out and picked up the swan, hugging it to myself.

"It's been a long time," Charlie muttered as he folded his arms around her. His eyes got a little glassy and a little red, but no-one mentioned it.

"What's her name?" he asked after a moment.

"Abbey. Abbey Elizabeth."

"That's pretty," he said.

As was usual with visits with Charlie, no-one said much. He didn't ask questions, he didn't need details like Renee did. And he didn't reminisce about me. It was enough for him to see Abbey and hold her and know that everyone was happy and healthy.

He watched her with a soft smile as she rested in his arms. After a while she made a little grizzly sound and wriggled a bit and Charlie frowned.

"I think she might, you know, need a new diaper."

Edward stood up and took her into his arms and Charlie stood too.

"I'll get going, Bells, you get some rest. But, er, maybe I could bring Sue to see her tomorrow? I called her this morning and she's real excited."

"Sure, Dad. That's fine."

"Oh, and Billy says congratulations. He said to say he's happy for you."

I chanced a quick glance at Edward who showed no reaction except a smile.

"Will you tell Billy 'thank you', next time you speak to him?" he said.

"Sure," Charlie nodded. "Well, I'd better go. I'll see you soon, Bells."

He shook Edward's hand then bent down to hug me again.

"See you, Dad. And thanks for the swan."

"Yep, no problem," he said brusquely and headed for the door.

It had been a long day. Very long. The sky was dark now and I sat in the rocking chair in the nursery, holding Abbey and singing her the only song I could think of as she slept peacefully in my arms. My gaze shifted from her to the walls of her room, looking at the beautiful mural Edward had painted. In the soft glow of her night light it took on the appearance of the meadow in moonlight. It was beautiful.

Edward was disposing of another dirty diaper and I hadn't heard him when he came back in. I looked up and saw him standing quietly in the doorway, hands in pockets, leaning against the frame.

"The Wombles theme?" he asked.

"It's all I could think of right now. Renee used to sing it. I'm surprised you know it."

"I've been around," he said, smiling. Then he dropped gracefully onto the floor and crossed his legs under him.

"I think I'll have a shower when I've tucked her in. I smell milky."

He smiled and nodded. "You do."

I laughed softly and he grinned, pushing his hair out of his eyes. He reached over to the bags Alice had brought and opened one.

"Angel wings?" he was puzzled as he pulled out the floaty pink wings with silver and white patterns.

"_Fairy_ wings," I corrected. "Little girls like to dress up as fairies."

"Oh." His eyebrows came together a little. "There's so much I don't know," he said, mostly to himself, I thought. Then he looked up at me. "Did _you _dress up?" His eyes were curious.

"No, not really. Renee tried, though."

His eyebrows relaxed and he smiled. "I can imagine." His long fingers stroked over the delicate, shimmery fabric. "She'll look beautiful in these," he said softly. "But she'll look like an angel, not a fairy."

I smiled as he reached into the bag again and started chuckling. "At least these don't have heels."

He held up a pair of pink, silk ballet-style slippers.

"Not yet," I smiled back and he nodded in agreement.

"Not yet. I guess they go with the fairy theme?"

"Yes. There's probably a wand and a tutu in there as well."

He looked. "Yes. And ... is this a halo?" It was a ring of pink tule with pink and white ribbons hanging down from it.

"I think it's more of a fairy head dress."

"Oh," he said again and put it back carefully. "How old ... ?" he began.

"When she's around three or four."

It felt strange, me explaining things to Edward, and I realised that little girls were seriously uncharted territory for him. "What's in the other bags?"

He looked. "Clothes and ... ," he peered into the next one, "... clothes and ... ," he opened the last bag.

"Don't tell me, Edward, let me guess ... is it, clothes?"

He grinned and nodded. "And all of it pink. She's going to look like a strawberry milkshake."

We chuckled and Abbey gave a little snuffle and wrinkled her nose. Still cross-legged, Edward sat his elbows on his knees and folded his hands under his chin.

"What are you staring at?" I asked when his gaze hadn't moved after several minutes.

"You."

I gave a quick snort.

"You're so beautiful," he said softly. "And today you were ... glorious." Then he chuckled. "People use the word _awesome_ very freely these days, it's lost most of its impact, but Bella, you were awesome today, in the true sense of the word."

His words made me blush and I looked down at Abbey, adjusting her blanket unnecessarily.

It was a few more minutes before he spoke again. I knew his eyes were still on me.

"How do you feel?"

"Mm, how do I feel? Tired, a bit sore. But very, very happy. What about you?" I looked across at him, he hadn't moved position at all.

"Deliriously happy," he grinned in an almost goofy way I'd never seen before and I laughed softly. He did too, but then his smile faded, just a little, and his lip was between his teeth. Mood swings were a part of his nature.

"Edward?"

"It's been a very long day," he said, his voice even quieter than before. He almost sounded weary. "It's twenty five hours now since your water broke."

I wasn't surprised. Despite my afternoon nap I could feel exhaustion trying to claim me.

Then he sighed and rested his head back against the wall, stretching his legs out in front of him, ankles crossed. Elegant hands resting on his thighs.

"I've come into this room every day for the past six months," he said quietly and then brought his head forward again. His eyes were bright, I could almost think he had tears. "And I've imagined exactly this," he motioned towards me. "You sitting in that chair, holding our baby. I've imagined it every day and I think, part of me wondered if it would ever really happen. If my happiness would ever be allowed to get that far."

He paused but I didn't say anything. The room was silent except for Abbey's soft, snuffly breathing.

"But it has," he smiled. "_You're_ really here, _she's_ really here."

I nodded. "You too, Edward. We're all here."

"Yes," he smiled, and took a deep breath. Then I remembered I'd wanted to ask him something.

"What did Carlisle say when he held Abbey this morning?"

"It was a blessing. From his days when he trained for the church. And he gave thanks for her safe delivery, and for your safety."

I wasn't an overly religious person, but I was very moved by Carlisle's act and blinked back some tears. I don't think my tear ducts had ever worked as hard as they did today.

"It was all because of you," I said and my voice was thick.

He looked down at his hands.

"I don't think I've ever been more terrified," he gave a sharp laugh. "Terrified and happy all at once, but it was still so much more than that." He paused a moment. "I knew it would be overwhelming," he said softly. "But ... I didn't know it would feel like _this_." And he let out a long breath and pulled his hands through his hair then, turning his head to look out the window into the darkness.

"Like what?"

He'd obviously been holding some emotions in check all day, and they were coming out now. I realised that, while I'd been aware of his worry during my labour, I hadn't been focused on him. And then afterwards, we'd been so happy, I hadn't stopped to think how _he'd _really been feeling during those seven hours and twelve minutes.

He smiled gently, still looking out the window. "I wish I had the words to tell you ... ," he shook his head, "But there are none."

He swallowed hard and his expression changed slightly, frowning, turning back to look at his hands as he tried to find the words. Then in one of his fast, vampire movements he pulled his knees up, hugging his legs and when he spoke it was quickly, almost too fast to understand. His eyes were intense as they held mine.

"I can _say _it was agony to watch helplessly while you were in such awful pain, and how that conflicted with the indescribable beauty of what you were doing, but in no way does _saying _it cover what was going on in here." He pressed his fist over his heart.

"And the _thrill _of seeing her come from you, so perfect, so beautiful, and knowing that my hands would be the first to touch her, and then the fear, _because_ it was my hands and what if I did something wrong, what if I grabbed too hard? What if I lost _you _because I did something wrong?" His voice broke a little. Anguish flashed through his eyes as he stared at me. He swallowed, and his eyes closed. Then a beautiful smile started across his perfect lips and when he spoke again it was slower. He didn't open his eyes.

"And then the joy, pure, overwhelming ... _mind blowing _joy, when she cried and I held her." Then his eyes opened and looked at me, intesne, direct. "And you were safe. I hadn't ... hurt you." He shook his head, as if shaking away some unhappy thought, but then the smile was back. "And then to be able to put her in your arms, and see that same joy on _your_ face, and knowing the part I'd had in that joy." His gaze moved to focus on the baby in my arms and his eyes melted, soft and warm.

"And the love, so strong, so _powerful_, just like my love for you ... but different. I didn't know ...," he stopped and bowed his head. "I can say the words, but I want to tell you how it _feels_ ... and I can't."

I reached out my hand to him.

"Edward," I whispered, and he came to me, sitting at my feet and resting his head in my lap. I ran my hand through his hair and he looked up at me ... and his eyes told me everything he thought his words couldn't.


	20. Chapter 20: Photos and Flatscreens

**All things Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended.**

* * *

"Could she be too cold?"

"She's in her sleep suit and she's wrapped in a blanket, she shouldn't be cold," I sighed.

"Is she too hot?"

"No, I don't think so." But he reached out a hand anyway to feel her cheek.

I sighed again and it sounded slightly more annoyed this time. I adjusted my position slightly, but there wasn't much comfort to be had, sitting in the rocking chair while Abbey cried and flailed in my arms.

"Maybe she's hungry," Edward offered hopefully.

"I tried feeding her half an hour ago, she wasn't interested, remember?" Yep, definitely more annoyed. We'd had this conversation so often lately and I knew what was coming next.

"Maybe it's wind!" Ah, his _Eureka_ moment.

"Yes, well, we've tried burping her and rubbing her tummy ... it didn't help," I said flatly and pressed the heel of my hand into my eye. Were her cries getting louder? I wasn't sure as I held her close to me, my ears almost ringing from the sound.

Edward's fingers were clenching, open and closed, on his thighs as he crouched in front of me. I looked at him. He was watching Abbey and the distress in his face was clear.

"Then ... what else is there?" His tone was bewildered and he was running his fingers through his hair now.

"I don't know, Edward, I don't know." My words were becoming sharper.

"Maybe she's ... ,"

"She's. Just. Crying!" The words came from fatigue and frustration and I spat them at him. "Some babies just cry. It's their way of settling into their new environment. Carlisle already told us that!"

He looked at me, stung. "I know. I just ...," he exhaled sharply. "I don't know what _to do!_"

His voice broke then and his face looked like it had when Jane tortured him in Volterra. My anger slipped away and I felt bad.

"I'm sorry, Edward." He was just as frustrated and upset as I was.

But at least he wasn't tired.

"Don't be," he moved his hands now to rest on my thighs, rubbing gently. I offered him a weak smile and he returned it, then he went straight back to his frown as Abbey continued to stiffen and arch in my arms, her shrill, frantic cry filling the nursery.

My eyes stayed on him. He was about to gnaw that lower lip off, and his teeth would be ground to stumps soon. His family would have to drain his food and bring the blood to him in a tall glass with an umbrella stuck in it. Maybe with a slice of lemon on the side. What would that taste like, I wondered - mountain lion with a twist of lemon. My over-tired brain started rambling with bizarre images, it was almost like I was slipping into a dream state.

He held out his arms. "Here, let me try for a while."

My rambling stopped.

"Why?" I snapped. "Do you think I'm doing something wrong?"

Edward looked like I'd smacked him. He withdrew his hands quickly.

"No! Bella, no! Love, you're doing a wonderful job. I just thought ... you've been holding her for over an hour now and ..."

Anger and frustration welled up in me, fueled by fatigue and inexperience.

"Because I'm doing the best I can, Edward! And I don't know what else I _can_ do, okay?"

"I know, I know, I didn't mean ... I just want to help,"

He was talking fast, eyes wide and scared and I burst into tears.

Again.

Instantly his arms were around me. He lifted me out of the rocking chair, I was still holding Abbey, and carried us both into the bedroom. Abbey continued to wail, I was sobbing, and he sat on the bed with me in his lap and made gentle ssshh sounds as he stroked my back and kissed my hair. In comforting me his anxiety seemed to lessen and the tense, panicked tone disappeared from his voice.

"You're doing a wonderful job, Bella," he whispered. "You are, love. And you're right, no-one's doing anything wrong. It's just what babies do, and she won't do it forever."

But it already felt like forever.

It had been like this for a week now.

She was fourteen days old and for her first seven we'd hardly had the smiles off our faces.

She fed, she slept, she snuggled. We reveled in her, ecstatic and content in the new world we'd created, marveling at the new _life_ we'd created.

But suddenly, after a week of bliss, Abbey moved the goal posts.

There would be a period every day when she'd cry. And cry. And cry.

Every day.

It could go on for hours. Sometimes it was during the morning, but usually it was through the night.

Her cry was shrill, desperate and it tore through us, as her little legs stiffened, her back arched, and her fists flailed. It was heartbreaking.

And each time Edward would be beside himself ... because there didn't seem to be anything he could do for her. The strong vampire was helpless, crushed and broken by the cries of his tiny daughter, in ways that the Volturi or sadistic vampire armies could never match.

This wasn't something he could solve with a dazzling smile or a loving hug. Or even a vampire stare with a flash of teeth. Or money. He couldn't control this, it was beyond his realm of experience and expertise.

It was beyond mine too, and it hurt me just as much as Edward to see her that way. It ripped my heart out just like it did his, but I was used to not being able to fix things immediately, or always getting my own way. I knew there were some things that you just had to wait out, hard though it might be.

When she was like this Edward's mood would swing from anxious and distressed, like now, pulling and tugging at his hair, desperate to help her, to soothing, calming patience, when he would pace with her, singing softly, or humming as she thrashed in his arms.

We consulted our vast collection of baby books for settling techniques. Charlie said Renee used to bounce me in the pram when I cried. We tried, both the Day Tripper and the Overlander, but it didn't work.

Renee thought we should try the whale music, and one night, we actually did.

She cried louder.

Sue suggested we just let her cry it out, but I knew that wasn't going to happen. That philosophy didn't sit well with me and Edward would rather cut off his arms than let his daughter cry uncomforted.

And when she had slept I'd try to sleep too, or we'd move around the cottage as though on eggshells, speaking in whispers.

We'd bought a breast pump, so I could bottle some of my milk and Edward could feed her if she woke while I was sleeping. But lately it felt like I never slept.

But now, as I sat in Edward's lap, sniffing and hiccoughing, with a screaming baby in my arms, he put his lips gently to my ear and spoke. His voice was loving and kind, but it was firm and I knew there would be no arguments.

"Bella, I'm taking Abbey up to the house so you can sleep."

I started shaking my head, even though I knew it was useless. His tone told me so.

"Yes, I am. You need sleep, love."

It sometimes came to this ... Edward taking Abbey up to the house where I knew he'd sit with Esme and Rosalie and Alice and they'd take turns at trying to settle her. Trying to do the job I obviously wasn't managing to do. And Emmett would try doing funny faces and sounds until Rose would pull him away and Jasper's waves of calm would help Edward a little, but Abbey would probably still scream. For some reason, his gift didn't seem to work on her.

"What's ... going ... through ... her mind," I gasped out through shaky breaths.

"Same as always when she does this," he frowned. "Just a riot of activity, like a snow storm, or static electricity, but it fades in and out."

Her mind wasn't completely open to Edward - we didn't know if it ever would be.

I nodded as Edward eased Abbey out of my arms and I laid down on the bed. He held her jerking body gently in the crook of one arm and lifted the coverlet with his free hand. He motioned his head slightly, indicating for me to get underneath. Then he tucked it around me.

"It's 3am," he said as his lips pressed softly against my cheek. "I'll take a bottle with me, we'll stay up there until she's had some sort of sleep and her next feed." He kissed me again.

This was the second night in a row, now. The second night he'd had to take her away so I could rest.

"They'll think I'm a failure," I muttered through sniffs and pulled the covers over my head.

I didn't feel him do it, but suddenly the covers were gone, pulled back from my face.

"What did you say?" His voice was incredulous.

_Sniff._ "You know what I said. You've got super hearing." _Sniff._

"Bella," he shifted Abbey to his other arm and sat down beside me. I pulled the covers up again and he pulled them straight back. He bent down and spoke close to my ear, softly, but I managed to hear him over Abbey's yells

"Love, I don't ever want to hear that again. Ever."

"But ... ,"

"No."

"But ... ,"

"No."

"But I _feel_ like a failure," I spat out at last and pulled the covers up again.

"Bella," Edward growled my name, low and deep, his frustration coming out to be heard.

And Abbey stopped crying.

I pulled the covers away slowly and peeked out. She was lying, limp in his arms, her face smooth. Edward was looking down at her, eyes round with surprise. Everything was quiet for a second, and then her legs started twitching, she screwed up her face and started again.

Edward's eyes closed and his shoulders slumped in defeat as he hugged her to him, rubbing her back and making more _ssshh _noises.

I sat up, watching, playing the last moment or two back through my mind.

We'd tried everything to try and settle her - everything that worked for _human_ babies. But she wasn't human, not completely. She was also half vampire and suddenly my befuddled, sleep-deprived brain had a moment of clarity.

"Edward, growl again."

His puzzled face looked at me over the top of Abbey's head. "Growl again ... please?"

He started frowning but humored me and gave a soft growl. Abbey's cries started to quiete a little.

"Again, louder. Lie down with her."

He looked at me curiously but followed my instructions, probably willing to do anything that would keep my tears at bay.

I shuffled over to the side of the bed and he laid down beside me and positioned Abbey on his chest. Her face was turned towards me, mouth opened wide, squalling..

"Now, growl. A good one."

So he did.

It was rich and deep and loud. His lips even pulled back over his teeth. And Abbey's cries slowed and quietened, her body softened and she fell asleep.

Yes!

"She likes your growl," I laughed out, then covered my mouth with my hand, quickly. But she didn't stir and I let the relief and sudden peace wash over me.

Edward looked at me in disbelief, then at Abbey, then back at me again.

"Must be the vampire in her." I reached out and very, very softly stroked her little fist which was tucked up, tight, under her chin. "Or the vibration."

Edward sighed heavily. "As long as it works." Then, unwilling to move and disturb her he tilted his chin up towards me. I smiled and leaned across, pressing my mouth to his.

"You are the smartest person I know," he whispered against my lips.

I smiled and fell back against the pillows. I think he might have been saying something else, but I couldn't be sure - I was already asleep.

* * *

My memories journal was filling up fast.

Abbey's arrival had brought lots of changes and those first couple of weeks were hard, but they also provided some of the most beautiful sights and sounds I'd ever seen or heard.

Watching her yawn and snuggle against me as I held her. The feel of her little body cuddled up against mine while I brushed my lips over the wispy covering of bronze, silky hair on her little head.

Seeing her lips on my skin as she suckled. Her nose slightly wrinkled, and making little _nom nom nom_ sounds.

Seeing Edward standing in the nursery, wearing Snoopy and his blue pyjama pants, holding Abbey in his arms while he smiled down at her, humming softly, swaying slightly in the moonlight that fell through the window. She'd wriggled a bit and made a grizzly sound.

"Ssshh, Daddy's here," he'd whispered, and she'd settled again, snuggling into him.

His words, his face ... my heart swelled so much I didn't know if my body could hold it.

Or Edward, with baby over his shoulder while he inspected the Vanquish when it was returned from being cleaned.

"This is our special occasion car," he'd said to her as he sat in the passenger seat. "It goes very fast." Her eyes had been closed but her mouth was open. She made a hiccoughing noise and some milk spilled from her lips onto the leather seat.

"Oh," Edward said, mildly surprised and staring at the milky pool. Then he shrugged and using the corner of her blanket, wiped it away.

And Rosalie, all love and smiles as she'd coo to Abbey in her arms. And Emmett, all love and smiles as he watched Rosalie. And then insisting on his turn to hold his niece. And the babbling sounds he made when he'd speak to her in his own Abbey language.

And Alice, holding Abbey while they looked at Vogue together.

"Isn't she a little young?" Jasper had stroked her head as she rested, sleeping, on Alice's arm.

"No-one's ever too young for Vogue," Alice had answered and kissed Abbey on the nose.

Yep, my journal was filling up ... fast.

* * *

"What time is Renee arriving?" Esme asked as she smiled at Abbey in her arms.

"Her flight arrives at Port Angeles at four o'clock," I answered, adjusting and straightening my shirt after the feed. We stood up and moved from the dining room into the Cullens' living room.

Edward was sprawled on the floor with Emmett and Jasper and he looked up at me over the Lego model they were building, and grinned. Of course Lego could be bought on-line and he and his brothers were building an intricate, detailed model of the 1939 World's Fair, from memory, and nothing was falling down!

He rose smoothly to his feet and came to me, taking Abbey from Esme as he placed a soft kiss on my lips.

"She needs to be burped," I said and he nodded, taking the toweling cloth from me and moving to the sofa.

Abbey's head bobbed up and down slightly over Edward's shoulder as he gently rubbed and patted her back. Her eyes were closed and she appeared very relaxed. Then her eyes opened a little and her mouth parted slightly as she burped, and a thin stream of milk spilled from her lips and onto the towel over his shoulder.

"Yay!" called Emmett and Jasper, their usual encouragement whenever she burped, and Edward smiled.

"Good girl," he murmured and turned his face to kiss her cheek. She wrinkled up her nose and sneezed and Edward smiled again. "Bless you," he said softly as he pulled her back down into his arms.

"She seems so much calmer these days," Esme smiled at me.

I nodded. We'd had five days of relative peace. She still had her moments, but nothing like _the week of screams_ as it had been dubbed.

"Thanks to Bella," Edward smiled at me as he re-wrapped Abbey in her blanket. She yawned and snuggled against him and he looked down at her, and the expression on his face was beautiful. Suddenly, he turned to me and his eyes were curious.

"Will she want a pony?" he asked.

"Er ... I don't know. Why?" Sometimes I just couldn't see the leaps that his vampire brain made.

"Girls like ponies don't they?"

"Some do. I didn't. Why are you asking?"

"I was thinking it could be difficult." He was frowning, like this was the greatest puzzle or problem in the world. "Animals instinctively shy away from us, it's unlikely we'll ever be able to keep any sort of pet."

I felt my face stretching with the smile. He was so desperate to make sure she had a normal, happy childhood.

"Neither of _us _had pets, Edward, and we survived."

"I had a pony," Rose said as she came downstairs. "They're a lot of work." She sat on Edward's other side and held out her hands.

"May I?" she asked and Edward handed Abbey over for a cuddle. Rose's face softened and she began cooing to her.

Edward turned back to me and took my hand in his, lifting it to kiss my wrist.

"I saw a doll house in the Christie's catalogue yesterday," he said and his eyes were bright now, enthusiastic. "It was Victorian, 1887, three floors, fully furnished. It comes up for auction next week and I was thinking ... ," But then he hesitated as he watched my face. "I was thinking that it would be completely unsuitable for a small child. Too delicate, too breakable. She'd have to treat it like a museum piece and that wouldn't be fair to her." He raised an eyebrow, questioning, and I nodded.

"Good thinking, Edward." He was learning.

Then suddenly he froze and his eyes went black. His hand around mine tensed. I'd been focused on him so didn't notice straight away that the others had become motionless as well. Alice came downstairs rubbing her temples, frowning.

"What's going on?" I asked, hating to be the one out of the loop.

"Stay here, please." Edward's voice was low.

My heart was pounding as he moved into his hunting stance and stalked towards the closed front door. Emmett and Jasper were right beside him and I thought I knew what was happening.

"Is it wolves?" I asked and Rosalie nodded.

Alice ran to the window and pulled back the curtains.

"Oh," she said, and turned around to face us all. "It's Jacob Black."

I felt my heart stop. Jacob? Now, after all these months? There was a soft rumbling coming from Edward and his lips were curled back from his teeth.

"Edward, is he alone?" Esme's voice was nervous.

He gave a sharp nod.

"He wants to see Bella ... and Abbey." His head was cocked to the side, obviously listening for Jake's thoughts. Then he shook himself and straightened. Emmett and Jasper were watching him carefully, and as he nodded at them they straightened also, their faces relaxing as they were guided by Edward's mood.

"He just wants to say hello, and make sure you're well," his lips thinned a little and his brow furrowed just slightly, but then his expression cleared. "Would you like to invite him in? I don't think anyone would mind." He'd made the offer, but his voice was tight and formal.

I was trying to keep up with his change in mood and my head was spinning. Emmett and Jasper returned to the World's Fair, though I thought Emmett was muttering something. Esme smiled and moved to the computer. Rosalie rolled her eyes as she held Abbey and Alice sat down beside her, head bowed, hands massaging her temples.

"Oh, um ... maybe not. I think just on the porch would be fine." I could hear the shake in my voice.

Edward nodded. "The porch, then," and he opened the door. "Rosalie would you mind holding Abbey for a while longer?" he asked and he took my hand and smiled at me.

"Ready to say hello?" he asked and I nodded hesitantly. He gave my hand a squeeze and we stepped out onto the wooden decking just as Jacob stopped at the foot of the steps.

"Edward," he said stiffly, nodding his head in acknowledgment.

"Jacob," Edward replied. "It's been a while."

"Yeah."

Then he focused on me and his face lit up. "Bells!"

He looked much the same. His hair was a little longer, but apart from that he was still Jacob. But he was _just_ Jacob, my friend. The realisation jolted me as I looked at him. The pull wasn't there, he wasn't _my_ Jacob any more. It was good to see him, but something had been let go. I swallowed hard and my head span.

"Hi, Jake," my voice sounded a little shaky.

"Hey, congratulations ... both of you," his eyes flicked to Edward then back to me. "Parents, huh?"

"Yeah, parents." I was coming back to myself now.

"Wow, well, you're looking ... good."

I gave a sharp laugh at his hesitation. "Tired, Jake. I look _tired_."

He grinned and shrugged. "Maybe a bit."

"So when did you get back?"

He shrugged. "Couple of days ago. After I heard the baby had been born. I wanted to come and see how you were."

He shot a quick glance at Edward I noticed.

"Well, I'm fine," I smiled.

"Just tired, huh?" he grinned and I nodded.

"Um, would you like to see her?" As soon as I said the words I wondered what Edward's reaction would be. But he surprised me when he pulled me in for a hug and kissed the top of my head.

"Um, okay, sure." Jake didn't sound sure at all.

"I'll just bring her out," Edward said. "Would you like to come up and sit on the porch, Jacob?"

Jake hesitated, he seemed suspicious of the hospitality. But he came up the steps and sat on one of the chairs there while Edward disappeared inside. I sat in the chair next to him.

"So, you're taking a risk coming to the vampire's lair all alone, aren't you?" I joked and he grinned. My heart was slowing as we fell back into our old familiarity.

"Yeah, well, I hear we're all practically related now anyway."

I was puzzled for a second then realized.

"Oh, Charlie and Sue, yeah."

"Yeah," Jake chuckled as he shook his head and looked down at his large, bare feet.

"So how was Canada?"

"Okay," he didn't elaborate.

"Are you back for good?"

He shrugged. "I'm just gonna see how things go. I'm back for _now_, anyway."

"Billy will be pleased."

"Yeah," he grinned. "Yeah, he's happy."

Edward stepped out on the porch, Abbey in his arms. He brought her to me.

"So it's ... Abbey, right?" Jacob asked, looking at me as Edward put her in my arms. Her eyes were closed but her mouth was making little movements. "Sue's told us all about her."

"Yes, this is Abbey Elizabeth Cullen."

He nodded and then smiled as he studied her. He reached out a tentative hand to touch her fingers that were peeking above the blanket. He looked up at Edward whose eyes closed slowly and opened again, indicating assent. Jacob touched her fingers and smiled. Then he withdrew his hand slowly.

"She's cute. She has your hair colour," he looked at Edward.

"She does," he replied, smiling, more relaxed now. Then he stiffened and took in a sharp breath and Jake muttered a quiet _sorry_. Edward's lips thinned and he gave a curt nod of his head and I was wondering what had just happened. I looked up at him but his face was blank.

"So, um, what's it like, having a kid?" Jake asked quickly.

"Oh, it's great, a lot of work, though. But she's worth it." I could feel a big gooey grin stretch across my face as I looked at her. And then, Jake screwed up his face and he pulled back a little.

"What's that?" he spat.

"That," said Edward smirking now, "... is nature calling." He lifted Abbey out of my arms. "She needs a diaper change." And he carried her into the house, grinning and calling her _Daddy's clever girl _as Jacob gagged.

"Does she always smell like that?" he asked, waving his hand in front of his face and I couldn't help laughing. To me the smell wasn't that obvious, but to vampires and werewolves it clearly was.

"No, but it does happen a lot."

And then I laughed some more when I heard Emmett's voice from inside.

"What ... again?"

I was grinning as I turned back to Jake.

"So you're happy, Bella? You look happy ... and tired," he laughed.

"I am. Very happy. And very tired."

We both smiled, then Jake's face became more serious.

"So it turns out he can give you everything, after all."

I nodded slowly, wary of where the conversation was turning. He didn't sound bitter, or nasty. It had just been a statement of fact.

"He always could," I said gently. "Even without Abbey ... she's a special bonus." Very special.

He nodded and his eyes flickered towards the house a couple of times, aware, I supposed, that vampire ears could hear everything we said.

"Would you like to go for a walk?" I sensed there was more he wanted to say, but not here.

"Will he let you?" he nodded his head towards the house.

I chuckled, surprised at the question. "Of course he will." But then I realized, Jacob had been gone for almost a year, and he was right, the last time he saw us Edward probably wouldn't have let me to go for a walk with him.

"Come on," I said, standing up.

He headed down the steps and I moved to the door which was open a crack, and spoke at normal volume.

"Edward, Jake and I are going for a walk, we'll be back soon."

The door opened immediately and he appeared. His eyes were dark, I noticed, and his jaw tense. His eyes flicked to Jacob and for a moment I wondered if Jake had been right and I'd been wrong.

"Are you sure?" he asked quietly, studying my face carefully.

"I'm sure ... I think he needs to talk."

His eyes narrowed and he nodded before taking a deep breath. "Just ... Bella, would it be alright if I asked you to stay close to the house? Please?"

"Sure," I smiled and lifted up to kiss him on the lips. "I'm not exactly up to hiking through the woods, yet."

"I love you," he said softly, looking into my eyes as I dropped back down again.

"I love you, too," I smiled. "And Edward ... ,"

"Yes?"

I grinned. "You have baby vomit on your shoulder."

He grinned back. "I know."

I followed Jake down the steps. His shoulders were hunched forward and his fists were buried deep in the pockets of his shorts.

"So _he _seems more relaxed," he said.

"He is. Things are different between us now."

They were. It had started with that letter, with Lucy and George, then the changes kept coming with our marriage and now our daughter.

"How come?"

I hesitated a moment, wondering if I should tell him about George, but I decided not too. There was no benefit in telling him and anyway, it was personal.

"People change," I said vaguely with a shrug.

"I thought vampires didn't."

"They can and they do," I smiled. "And so do humans."

He gave me a look I couldn't read. "Yeah, you're right," he said finally.

And as we walked in silence down the long driveway I realized the truth of that. People can change.

I'd been surprised and excited to see Jacob, hesitant too as I'd worried about Edward's reaction. And about what I'd feel.

Jacob Black was my friend, he always would be, but that was all I felt for him now. That pull towards him was gone.

When Edward left me Jacob had filled a part of the space he left behind. He was my sun, filling the cold, darkness of my life with his light and humour and warmth. Then when Edward returned, Jacob filled a different space that Edward refused to fill - Jacob gave me freedom, allowing me to take risks, while Edward was over-protective and controlling.

But now, things had changed. I didn't feel the need to be prove anything but more than that, I didn't think in terms of being _allowed_ to do things anymore. I didn't need Jake to allow me freedom. I didn't seek Edward's permission to do things. And although Edward still struggled sometimes, he no longer tried to control me.

Jacob had taken a little piece of my heart with him when he left, but my love for Edward had changed and grown since then, and that little space had been filled for some time now.

I took a deep breath as this new realisation sank in and I almost missed what Jake said next.

"I thought a lot, while I was away." I focused on him as he paused. "I figured ... it's important to have good friends," and he gave me his happy smile. Then he shrugged, looking at the ground. "And if we were meant to be together, you wouldn't still be with him, you would have chosen me. And if I was going to imprint on you it would have happened already. I know that now."

I nodded slowly, listening, my heart tightening for him and he took another deep breath.

"I deserve someone who's right for _me_," he said softy, carefully and with conviction.

"Yes, you do," I said.

"And he ... Edward ... had a point last July, when he said I would have to leave you if I imprinted on someone else. At the time I couldn't imagine it, but he was right. And I don't know how I'd handle it if ... well, if we'd ended up like Leah and Sam." He took another deep breath and gave me his goofy grin. "I think I'm over you, Bells. Sorry, it's not you, it's me."

I laughed and twined my fingers with his. "Friends?" I said.

He looked at our joined hands and nodded. "Yeah."

We kept walking along the driveway. "I guess there's somebody out there for me, I'll know when I lock eyes with her." He laughed again.

"Could happen tomorrow," I said lightly.

"Yep. Or could be twenty years from now." He chuckled. "Good thing I don't get any older."

I squeezed his hand and he smiled. "You know, I nearly came back here and tore his head off when I heard you were pregnant."

"Jacob!"  
"Well," he was defensive then. "I heard all those stories about freaky vampire babies and what they do to their mothers ... yeah, I know, crazy stuff." He chuckled a little. "Abbey's real cute, Bella. She has your nose." Then he frowned. "I think I might have upset Edward though."

I remembered that moment between them on the porch. "Yeah, what happened there?"

He grimaced slightly.

"Well, when I saw her with that hair, I don't know, it just kind of confirmed that she was his and, you know, nobody thought vampires could have babies and I just thought ... ," he stopped and stubbed at the ground with his toe.

"What _exactly _did you think, Jacob?" I realised I was holding my breath as I waited for his answer.

He sighed. "Hey, Bloodsucker ... you really are the father."

My eyes fluttered closed and I dropped his hand.

"Oh, Jacob." I could imagine how that would have stung Edward.

"Yeah, sorry. But it just kinda flashed through my mind. I'm surprised he still let you come walking with me."

So was I. My vampire really had come a long way. I shook my head at him.

"I'm surprised he didn't rip _your_ head off."

"Yeah, I know. I'm sorry."

I let out a heavy breath. "Lets just talk about something else, okay?" I muttered and kept on walking.

He told me a bit about his travels, and I told him about the wedding, a little bit about Isle Esme and a bit about being pregnant.

He laughed and shook his head. "So you couldn't put your own socks on, huh?"

"No, Edward had to do it for me."

He laughed again and then his laughter died and he became serious.

"So does this mean you won't change now?"

I sighed. "No, I still want to be changed. I just don't know when. I don't want too much of Abbey's babyhood to be a fuzzy memory, but I don't want to be a newborn and have to stay away from her."

"But if her scent doesn't effect you?"

"Well, we're assuming that it won't, but newborns are so unpredictable, we're not completely sure what my reaction to her will be."

"But you'll leave Forks when it happens?"

"I guess so. Unless the treaty is lifted and I don't think that'll happen."

"No," he said firmly. "That won't happen."

I nodded slowly. I'd thought not.

I felt weary, suddenly, and not just because I'd walked too far. I always felt that way when I thought about my change.

"I need to get back. My mom's coming and we have to go pick her up."

"Sure."

We turned around and headed back. My steps started to drag a little, probably the effects of sleep deprivation..

"Do you want me to carry you?" Jacob asked.

"No, it's okay."

"At least take my hand," he said and I grabbed hold. It did make it a bit easier, being towed along.

As we got closer to the house the door opened and Edward came down the steps, moving purposefully towards us. I tried to read his mood and was pleased to see he was smiling. Maybe there was some relief in that smile, too. Then I realised, he would have heard Jacob's thoughts, probably some of our discussion. He would know the pull was gone from both sides, now.

"Finished your walk?" he asked politely and I nodded. He pulled me to him and kissed the top of my head. I noticed his hold on me seemed just a little tighter than usual.

"Guess I'll see you around, Bella, and congratulations again."

"Thanks Jake," I smiled and when he smiled back it was warm and genuine and friendly.

"So you'll take back a favourable report?" Edward asked, eyebrows raised in question, a slight edge to his voice and I looked at him curiously.

"Report?"

I turned to look at Jake, curious. He seemed a bit embarrassed and gave Edward the shortest of nods and then something clicked.

"Is that why you came? To see if Abbey passed some sort of test?" I could feel my indignation rising.

"No, well, not _just _for that. I was coming to see you and ... ," he started floundering and I was surprised when Edward defended him.

"Don't be too hard on him, Bella. I was expecting the wolves to want confirmation that Abbey was everything we said she would be. Jacob suggested to Sam that he be the one to come ... as he was coming to see you, anyway."

Jacob glared at him, hating the invasion of his mind.

"But Sue would have told them." I still felt angry, protective - my daughter didn't have to prove anything to anyone.

"Sue's not a member of the pack, love" Edward ran his hand comfortingly over my back. "And there are other wolves who are more suspicious than Sam or Seth or even you, Jacob ... am I wrong?"

Jake let out a breath. "I was coming to see you anyway, Bells, I was." His eyes were imploring as they looked at me. But then he looked at Edward and his eyes hardened. "But he's right, some of the newer wolves wanted a more 'official' okay than just Sue's word."

"Zeke?" Edward asked tersely and Jake nodded.

"Mostly. He's still a bit wild, getting better though. Sam's bringing him into line, but it's taking a while." Jake seemed to hesitate then and Edward stiffened just slightly.

"Jacob thinks it would be better if we, well, you and Abbey, stayed away from La Push ...until Zeke is a little less unpredictable."

"No problem there," I said quickly, still feeling stung about him reporting back on Abbey. I took a step forward and poked him in the chest and he took a startled step backwards. It was only the surprise that moved him, the strength of my poking was completely ineffectual - he was almost as solid as Edward.

"And you tell them she's perfect ... ,"

Poke, step,

"... and beautiful ... ,"

Poke, step,

"and just ... perfect."

Poke.

Angry tears were starting and I blinked them back.

I could see from the corner of my eye that Edward was in full smirk as Jacob nodded vehemently.

"I will, Bella. I promise, I'll tell them how beautiful and perfect she is ... ," then he grinned. "And that she has your nose and makes real bad smells." He winked at me and suddenly, even though I wanted to stay mad at him, I felt myself smile.

Edward wound his arms around me and hugged me hard.

"Thanks, Jake," I mumbled and he smiled again, letting out a breath.

"Sure. Well, I guess I'll see ya, Bella." Then he hesitated slightly before leaning in to give me a quick kiss on the cheek.

"You're getting very game, Dog," Edward said roughly, but there was humour in his eyes and Jacob laughed.

"Nah, you're just getting soft, Leech."

He loped off towards the trees, but his step faltered a little and his head turned slightly when Edward hissed softly through his smile,

"Never."

* * *

The Out-And-About Baby Pouch had its first official outing in Port Angeles.

It was two hours since Jacob's surprise visit and I was glad to find that I wasn't suffering the feelings of confusion or guilt that I used to when I saw him. Now I relishing the freedom to just be his friend. I took a big, fresh, lung-full of air as I looked around and realised it was also _my_ first proper outing since Abbey was born.

We stood in the car park near the pier, there was still some time before Renee's flight arrived. I was holding Abbey, cuddling her tight against the grey, windy weather. She was snug in her all-in-one suit and her stripey little beanie was pulled firmly over her head. I knew the wind wouldn't bother her as much as other newborns, but still ....

"So," said Edward as he pulled the pouch out of the back seat. "Do you want to wear it ... or will I?"

I could see he was trying to be casual about it, but I knew how eager he was. He'd been waiting for this moment since the day he'd tried it on at _Boutique Bambino._

I bit back my grin as he looked down at the pouch in his hands.

"Um, would _you _like to?" I asked, knowing full-well the answer.

"Yes," he said immediately and I laughed. He looked up at me, a flicker of surprise in his eyes. "Unless, of course, _you _wanted to?" And then when I laughed again, he did too. "That obvious, huh?"

"Just a bit. I get the next turn, okay?"

He nodded. "I promise, you get the next turn."

She fitted in comfortably and because of her low body temperature, the barriers of pouch and clothing were enough to insulate her from Edward's cool skin and we didn't need extra layers as originally thought. That made Edward very happy and my heart stuttered a little when I saw him patting her gently as she sat nestled against his chest. His deep contentment showed in the smile that graced his perfect lips and the quiet sigh that escaped them. We linked hands and walked towards the pier. I watched Abbey, quiet, sleeping happily, her arms limp and relaxed at the side of the pouch.

"She has long fingers like you," I said quietly. Edward smiled but said nothing. "You'll teach her the piano?"

He nodded. "Yes. If she wants."

I smiled at the image of Edward and an older Abbey, maybe seven or eight, sitting side by side at his grand piano.

"Will you start with chopsticks?"

The corner of his mouth twitched. "Probably."

His thumb was making circles over my skin. The index finger of his other hand was locked firmly in Abbey's tiny grasp.

"So much for having your hands free," I smirked at him, remembering the list of benefits printed on the pouch's box.

"I can't think of any better place for them to be, love," and he lifted my hand to his lips.

We stepped onto the pier and walked out over the water. The sky was cloudy, but the weather was dry and the wind was making ripples and choppy little waves across the water, giving life to its otherwise dull, grey surface.

"I was thinking," he dropped my hand and instead wrapped his arm around my waist. I wound mine around his. Our pace was slow, lazy, relaxed. Abbey's little legs swayed slightly with the movement of Edward's body. "I was thinking when she's a bit older she might like a swing."

"Mm?"

A swing. No doubt he'd seen some expensive set on the internet or in a catalogue. Something with swings and rings and slides and merry-go-rounds and flashing lights, designed by NASA. I waited for him to elaborate.

"I was thinking ... I could make it. You know, an old tyre on a rope, or maybe with a wooden seat, something like that. What do you think?"

I smiled, surprised, and squeezed my arm around him. "I think it's a great idea. She'll love it."

He smiled back, his crooked smile, and bent his face to brush his lips across mine.

Heads always turned to look at Edward. Admiring, ogling stares followed him wherever he went. But now, as he walked through the airport with a baby strapped to his chest, women were practically falling over themselves. One actually walked into a post. He didn't even notice. His attention was always on either Abbey or me. I allowed myself an extremely smug smile. Mine, mine, both mine.

"Now remember, she's not Grandma, she's just Renee, okay?"

Edward nodded.

"And don't even _refer _to her being a grandmother."

"Understood," his hand was massaging the back of my neck as we watched her plane touch down.

"Bella!" Renee threw herself at me and hugged me hard, nearly knocking me backwards. Edward's hand, firm on my back, steadied me instantly.

"Mom!" I'd missed her and suddenly it felt good to have my mother with me, even if she was only staying three days.

"Edward, congratulations!" she beamed, but stopped herself from hugging him as her attention was drawn to the pouch.

"Oh, look!" she gasped, her face close up and level with Edward's chest as she inspected Abbey.

Abbey's face was a little hard to see, nestled as she was in her pouch. She lifted up the edge of her beanie. "She _does_ have your hair colour, Edward," she said. "And Bella, you used to have that exact same scowl when you were a baby."

Scowl? I looked over my mother's shoulder into the pouch. My baby didn't scowl.

"I think her face is just a little squashed from being in the pouch," Edward said smoothly, winking at me.

"Oh, do you think so?" Renee straightened and repositioned her scarf over her shoulder. "It definitely looks like Bella's scowl to me. She was always scowling as a baby. Always so serious," she sighed.

I looked down at my feet - for some reason I felt a little stung. Edward's arm found my waist.

"Abbey," his voice was velvet, "say hello to Grandma."

Renee was staying at a guest house in town because she didn't want to crowd us. At first I'd felt a little disappointed, but after a couple of hours visiting with her in the cottage I was glad.

She loved the nursery, but kept suggesting we rearrange the furniture according to Feng Shui principles. And she thought Edward should add a rainbow and a unicorn to the mural.

"And maybe some fairies, hiding in the grass." Her face had been bright, enthusiastic as she looked at us. "What do you think?"

Edward's face was amused.

"It's something to consider," he said smoothly.

She loved holding Abbey, but tended to balance her loosely in one arm while she used the other to gesticulate wildly as she talked.

I came in from the kitchen at one point to see Edward on the edge of his seat, lip firmly between his teeth, eyes staring wide and his hands outstretched as if to catch a ball. Renee was oblivious, talking about my childhood and explaining how she'd once dropped me.

At those words Edward, in a fluid, unbroken move, slid from his seat, onto his knees, reached out and scooped Abbey smoothly from Renee's arm. He was standing up with her clutched tightly against his chest before Renee even noticed.

"Oh!" she was surprised.

"Diaper change," he said quickly as he disappeared into the nursery.

She was holding Abbey again later while I folded laundry. Edward was working on his laptop in the study but I knew that, despite his efforts to give me alone time with my mother, he was tuned into everything that was happening in the living room.

"Ooh, someone's not happy," Renee said as Abbey started to fuss and cry. She brought her down from her shoulder to look at her.

"Bella, is this a rash on her face?"

Edward's sudden appearance behind me startled her as I leant down to look.

"Um, no Mom, it's the pattern from your necklace. The beads have been pressing against her face." I tried to keep the frustration out of my voice.

"Oh, sorry," she gave an awkward little laugh, throwing Edward a confused glance as she handed Abbey to me. I rubbed softly at the faint, pink marks on her cheek and she calmed down and snuggled into me.

"It's okay," I whispered to Edward, who was hanging over my shoulder. "She's fine."

He nodded, his lips pulled into a thin line.

"I guess I'm out of practice with these things," Renee said and as I remembered my childhood I'd wondered if she'd ever been _in_ practice. Renee loved me to death, she would have walked through fire for me, but she was never very ... aware.

"I don't think I _am_ the most dangerous thing in your world, after all, Bella."

We had just climbed into bed and Edward curled around me. I laughed softly, then yawned as his fingers stroked softly along my arms and his lips caressed the back of my neck.

"It's clear to me that I am very lucky to have you at all." His arms tightened around me. "I wonder that you ever made it to seventeen."

I laughed again. "Renee's not too bad. She's vague, and her mind is never where it should be, but she's full of love and affection."

"And beads."

"And beads," I snickered. "You'll need to be more careful, though. You've startled her a couple of times today."

"I know," he sighed. "And for someone so vague and unaware as she is, she has moments of great clarity. I've caught her a few times wondering what it is that's different about me."

"A bit like Rebecca?"

"Mm, a bit. I might have to trip over the living room rug or eat a banana or something ... make myself seem a bit more human."

I giggled and he chuckled behind me, pulling me close against him and kissing my neck again. I sighed.

"I think we've got a long couple of days ahead."

Renee had discovered that her idea for a professional portrait of her with Abbey and me, under a tree by a creek with mossy rocks was actually very, very expensive So she'd come to Forks armed with her camera and one of her better ideas.

She wanted to take photos of me with Abbey in all the places where Charlie had taken photos of her with me, nineteen years earlier.

She'd brought the original photos with her and they were scattered across our coffee table in the living room. The three of us were on our knees studying them.

"You were cute," Edward smiled. He was fascinated by the images of me as a baby.

There was one of us on the garden bench in Charlie's yard, in front of the fireplace, sitting on the porch, by the window in my old room.

"There were others we took of you at First Beach, down at La Push, but Charlie has those." Then her eyes lit up at the same time that Edward tensed beside me, clearly in response to her thoughts. His hand gripped the edge of the coffee table but he pulled it away sharply when the wood began to splinter under his thumb. He changed position smoothly to cover the damage with his elbow, cupping his hand around his neck. His jaw was tight and I knew something scary was about to come out of Renee's mouth.

"Oh, Bella! I know, why don't I get copies from Charlie and tomorrow we could take Abbey to La Push for the day, down to First Beach and ... ,"

Edward interrupted her roll. His voice was smooth and calm and belied the hard jaw and the rigid fingers that were gripping my leg under the table.

"Renee, there's a creek not far from here, just through the forest towards my parents' house. We could take photos of you with Bella and Abbey there, sitting under the trees. There are even some mossy rocks." The dazzling smile made an appearance. "I'll play photographer."

Edward had learned that, like a child, distraction and redirection worked well with Renee.

She grinned.

"That sounds perfect. So, I'll get copies made of these old ones, and we'll have the new versions and then the photos by the creek, too." She was nodding vehemently and I could see in her eyes she was planning everything down to the last pose, La Push now forgotten. "I'll put them in an album and it'll look great. I don't think Charlie will mind if we borrow the house for half an hour tomorrow."

I felt the tension leave Edward and I squeezed his hand on my leg.

"As long as you don't rearrange his furniture," I joked

I should have kept my mouth shut. That idea clearly hadn't occurred to her until I said it. Her eyes lit up and I could practically see the wheels turning in her mind.

"No, Mom."

She shrugged and nodded and Edward smirked and turned away.

"Do you have any baby photos, Edward?" she asked suddenly. "We could put those in the album, too."

"No," he smiled simply. "I don't have any."

He looked back down at the picture of me on Renee's lap and smiled again, touching it with his finger.

Edward's comment started me thinking. He had the photo of his parents, but surely there would have been other photos. Family photos of the three of them together.

He was in the kitchen when I got back from dropping Renee at Charlie's. She was having dinner with him and Sue. It was Renee's idea - she couldn't see how it might be awkward and Charlie couldn't work out how to say _no_. It would be an interesting evening.

I picked a crouton out of the salad bowl and Edward nudged me away gently with his shoulder, smiling. "No picking. It's not ready yet."

I grinned and tried to scramble up onto the bench next to where he was working. He put a strong arm around my waist and lifted me.

"Thank you."

"You're welcome. Do you want avocado tonight?"

"Mm, yes please. You know, I can make my own meals, Edward, you don't have to."

"I know I don't," he leant over for a kiss. Then he filled a glass with water and handed it to me. I rolled my eyes and he just raised a single eyebrow. "Alright, I know, nursing mothers need to keep hydrated." I took a swallow. "Edward, didn't your parents have family photos?"

The knife had been a blur, moving at lightning speed as he sliced a tomato, but now it stopped, still and sudden.

"Um," he bent his head to one shoulder and pulled his lips tight, as if he was trying to decide something. Then he put the knife down on the chopping board and placed his hands, palms down, on the bench. I thought perhaps I shouldn't have said anything.

"There _were _other photos," he said quietly, looking down at his hands. "Not many, photos weren't as common place as they are now, obviously. There were four, I was in all of them. But I destroyed them."

_That_ was completely unexpected.

Quickly, I tried to arrange my face so the surprise wouldn't show. I didn't know if I succeeded or not and I wasn't quite sure what to say, so I decided to say nothing.

He pushed back from the bench and leant against the one behind, folding his arms over his chest. His legs were stretched out, crossed at the ankles - obviously a protective stance. He smiled at me and his eyes had that wary look, like he was worried about how I was going to react. But he knew not to hide anything - we didn't do that anymore.

"It was during my rebellious period," he said, slowly, eyeing me carefully, giving me the chance to tell him I didn't want to hear any more. But at a gentle nod of my head he continued.

"I was very angry. With Carlisle for changing me and with my parents for dying and leaving me." He glanced down then at his feet, arms still crossed tight over his chest. "And then I was angry with myself, for giving in to the monster and preying on humans, no matter how I justified it."

I stayed silent. It was incredibly rare that he talked about this time in his existence. He kept his head down as he continued to speak.

"When I returned to Carlisle I was very ashamed. He welcomed me back with open arms, of course, that's just Carlisle, but I felt so far removed from the person I had been, the person I was supposed to be ... there was _nothing _left of Edward Masen any more." He raised his face and looked at me, his expression was still guarded. "I didn't deserve to be my parents' son."

I nodded slowly, meeting his gaze, clear and straight, showing him I understood.

"So you destroyed your photos." It was a whisper.

He nodded. "Except for the one of my parents together. I wasn't going to burn that one."

"You _burnt _them?" That was really ... dark.

He nodded, eyes sad now and he tightened his arms across his chest, as though he were hugging himself. "Very dramatic, theatrical, very ... symbolic." He shrugged then. "I know enough of psychology now to understand what was going on there. Of course I regretted it later. And now even more so." He looked at the photos of Abbey that were held to the fridge by magnets.

I hopped off the bench and crossed the two steps to where he stood. I wrapped my arms around him as hard as I could and rested my head against his chest. He brought his arms around me, he uncrossed his ankles and opened his legs, letting me get close to him. I felt his cheek against my hair as he held on to me, tight. And his hold, the slow sigh he let go, told me how much of a lifeline his new family was. I held him that way for some minutes, just letting him feel how loved he was, and deserving, while the pasta bubbled away on the stove.

And then, an unwanted thought flashed through my mind. So, did that mean the only photo of human Edward in existence was the engagement photo with Lucy? I shuddered mentally.

"We'll take new family photos," I said firmly and he squeezed me tighter. "Lots."

Renee's visit passed quickly and we were standing back in the car park at the Port Angeles airport. Edward had played photographer, we had pictures of us on mossy rocks, and she was happy.

"You're a wonderful mother, Bella," Renee pulled me into a warm hug. She turned to look at Edward, on the other side of the car, settling Abbey into her pram. He was crouched down, tucking a blanket around her. He was smiling, his lips moving, but his voice too quiet to hear.

"And he's a wonderful father, so involved."

I smiled. Yes, Edward was involved.

"And you and Edward are lucky to have each other. There's something ... you two just _fit _together somehow ... but I've told you that before. Charlie and I, we loved each other, but we were too different." She laughed then and had one of her moments of clarity. "Charlie and I couldn't work together, and I don't think you and Edward could work apart. "

Yeah, she was right, and we'd discovered that the hard way.

"And Abbey's lucky to have you both." She hugged me then and it was good to feel her loving arms around me. I welcomed her warmth and her words and hugged her back, hard. Then she whispered quietly in my ear. "Make sure you get your birth control sorted out before you and Edward get back to having ... ,"

"Mom!"

"I'm just ... ,"

"Mom, you'll miss your plane." I stepped out of the hug and stalked off towards the terminal. I was sure I could hear Edward chuckling behind me.

My face was still red as Renee's plane took off and we walked back to the car.

"You could have helped me out before," I muttered as I pushed the pram. It was the Overlander, Edward's pram, and I was still unconvinced that it was more comfortable to push than the Day Tripper.

"You mean Renee's attempt at girl talk?"

"Yes." I pushed some hair out of my eyes roughly and it fell straight back again. "You knew what she was thinking. You could have created a diversion or something."

He chuckled. "I was going to but I think your storming off was diversion enough. It stopped her."

He'd been walking with his hands in his pockets but now he pulled them out and wound his arms around my waist. I stopped walking and he bent his face closer, resting his forehead against mine. His eyes were smiling.

"If it makes you feel any better, Carlisle's had that talk with me, too."

"He what?" Why was everyone so interested in our sex life? "When?"

"A few days ago."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

He pulled back a little and tucked the same loose strand of hair behind my ear. He cocked his head slightly to the side. "Because it's way too soon and I didn't want you to feel pressured in any way. I was waiting until things were a bit more ... back to normal." His hands found the small of my back and moved in smooth, soothing circles there.

I snorted. "Edward, I think all of this _is_ normal now." I glanced at Abbey and he laughed.

"Probably."

He put one hand on the pram then, moving the other arm around my shoulders and we started walking again.

"So what did Carlisle say?" I was grimacing, embarrassed.

"Not a lot. No details were discussed. He just asked me if we'd given any thought to contraception and I said I thought it was a bit soon to discuss it, but I thought a barrier method would work best. He agreed. That was it."

"You mean condoms?"

"Yes."

I grimaced again. "Aren't they really hard to use? And unromantic?" I had no experience, I was working off schoolyard stories and bad movies.

"Not if you know what you're doing, they're actually very straightforward. I've never had a problem with them."

What did he say? I knew it couldn't be how it sounded but the look on my face still made him laugh and he rumpled my hair with his hand.

"Lots of high schools means lots of sex ed classes, love."

Oh, of course. I knew that. But then I started snickering.

"What?" he asked, smiling down at me.

"I'm just imagining Edward Cullen buying condoms."

* * *

We kept one of those baby albums. We recorded Abbey's weight, length, eye colour, hair colour - all the regular baby stuff. Vampires didn't need such things, but it was for her, for when she was older ... and for me, after I was changed. So I could remember.

Carlisle checked Abbey's length and weight and reflexes every few days.

She was developing normally and well, though in some areas she was ahead of human schedule, but not too much to draw attention.

Now, at eight weeks, she was roughly the size of a ten week old. She was comfortably grasping her rattle and waving it around and she could fix her gaze on something or someone and follow it easily. She was more alert and aware than a human eight week old.

From the vague flashes of her mind Edward knew she was taking everything in, already making simple associations between things. He could see that she recognized her family and when she'd hear a voice from another room she would see the person's face in her mind before she saw them. But her mind wasn't completely open to Edward and her thoughts would fade in and out, like a television with bad reception.

Her skin was still velvety soft like a newborn's, but we noticed that pacifiers didn't last long - her venom, weak though it was, would start to dissolve the rubber after a couple of days.

And she smiled a lot.

Her first smile had been in the meadow. I recorded it carefully in my memories journal and in her baby album.

It had been a sunny day and she'd been four weeks old. We'd laid her on a blanket while we each stretched out beside her. And Edward had sparkled and she'd screwed up her eyes, wincing at his brilliance.

And then she'd smiled. Her first smile.

"Did you see that?" I was perhaps a little too loud in my excitement, because she'd stopped smiling and looked startled instead. Edward was watching her like he'd just uncovered some rare and precious treasure, then he bent his head. I thought he was going to give her one of his gentle kisses on her forehead, but instead he lifted her little top and blew a raspberry, loud and noisy, on her tummy. And her smile came back and she made a gurgly sound. I was convinced she was laughing.

The journal was close to full. I'd need a new one soon ... if I didn't change.

* * *

Renee's photos arrived.

"She's done a good job," I said.

"You sound surprised," Edward was lying on the sofa with his head in my lap while he held up the album for us both to see. My fingers were running through his hair, lifting it and letting it fall back down again, making it more of a mess than it usually was.

"I am surprised. Not about it looking good, but that she actually stuck to a task and got it finished. I kind of thought we might get this for Abbey's sweet sixteen or something."

He chuckled and turned the page. There were copies of the old photos of me and Renee angled artistically beside the new photos of me and Abbey. And then there were several pages of the three of us by the creek - perched on rocks, sitting on the grass, me holding Abbey, Renee holding Abbey. There were also some lovely shots Renee had taken of Edward, Abbey and me.

"I can see some similarities between Abbey and you as a baby," he said after a moment. "And I think her eyes are going to be brown, like yours." He looked at me, smiling as he said it.

"I thought they might be green," I said. "Like yours were."

"I don't know how much of my human DNA she has. I don't know how much _I _have. But she'll definitely have your eyes."

He seemed so sure of that and I smiled.

She'd have my eyes. My _human_ eyes. Part of my humanity would be living on in her.

"I don't want to forget this time with her, Edward." My voice wavered slightly. "I'm writing in my journal every day, but ... I'm scared I won't remember it all."

He sat up swiftly, smoothly, laying down the album to take my face in his hands. His amber eyes held mine while his thumbs smoothed over my cheeks.

"You won't forget, love. You'll keep all these memories."

"But they'll be fuzzy."

"No. The ones I kept are sharp and clear. They stay that way if you work on them."

"But there are so many things to remember, I can't fit every day, every smile into my brain."

"Not a human brain, but you can in a vampire brain." He dropped his hands down to my shoulders and stared deep into my eyes. There was conviction and certainty in his voice when he spoke.

"You'll read at vampire speed, so it will only take you a few minutes to read your journal each day and after a few months the memories will be set. And we'll look at the photos, and I'll talk to you about things. Things we've done. About the night she was born, about the first time we took her to the meadow and how she smiled."

I nodded. "And I'll remind you about the songs you sing her, the one about the teddy bear blanket, and the Wombles song. And about how her skin felt the first time you held her, or the feeling the first time you fed her."

"I don't want to lose all that," I whispered and a single tear fell down my cheek.

"Oh, Bella, you won't, love." He pulled me into his lap then and cradled me there, tucked under his chin. "You'll remember, and I'll remind you every day. And so will she, every time you look at her."

I nodded vaguely and he kept talking as one hand stroked my cheek while the other held me.

"Mostly, when we're changed, we're taken away from family and friends, everything that's familiar. But you'll still have us and that will make a huge difference."

"I'll be going away from Charlie," I said quietly and he held me tighter.

"I know," he sighed.

"How will I know when it's the right time? And, how will I say goodbye?" My heart twisted as I thought about how much Charlie adored Abbey. "We should have moved away after the wedding and never told anyone about the baby. It's going to be too hard to take her away from him." My breathing was becoming shaky as I tried not to cry.

I rubbed my hands into my eyes. "I wish someone could just make the decision for me," I muttered to myself, but I knew he heard me and I knew he'd answer and I knew what that answer would be.

"Only you can make that decision, love."

Yep, I knew.

* * *

Edward opened the passenger door and helped me out of the car. In the time it took for me to straighten my shirt and put my jacket on he'd opened the back door, swung the diaper bag gracefully over his shoulder and lifted Abbey from her car seat into his arms. He put his arm around my shoulders, kissed the top of my head and we walked into the café.

College was ending for the summer and my friends had started returning to Forks. Jessica was planning a Summer Party for the whole of our graduating class, but Angela had organized a small lunch so our group of friends could meet Abbey.

"Ooh, look! She's so tiny!" Jess jumped up from the table and rushed over to us as we walked in.

"Hello, Abbey," she cooed. "Can I hold her?"

"Let them get in the door, Jess," Angela rolled her eyes and I shot her a grateful smile. "Congratulations, Bella," she hugged me. "And Edward," she smiled shyly and Edward's return smile was warm. She looked closely at Abbey. "She's beautiful," she said and I had to agree.

We sat down and I noticed that Mike and Eric were looking very uncomfortable as they said hi, their eyes focused on Abbey. Ben looked curious, a slight smile on his face as he watched her.

"Is she, you know, going to cry?" Mike sounded almost nervous.

"That all depends," Edward said vaguely, not even looking at him as he played with Abbey's feet. Her socks had purple lions on them.

She was sitting up in the crook of his arm, looking upwards at the pendant light fitting overhead. She blinked a few times then gave a huge yawn.

"Aww," Jess hugged herself, grinning. "So what's it like having a baby?" she gushed.

"It's great. Hard work sometimes, but mostly it's great." I left it at that. I didn't think I could explain the depth and complexity of feelings to Jessica. Angela maybe, but not Jess.

"Is it true you delivered her, Edward?" Angela asked, smiling. Everyone knew, of course. Charlie had proudly told everyone that his son-in-law had delivered his granddaughter at home, single-handed.

"Yes," Edward smiled and his free hand squeezed my leg under the table.

Mike and Eric looked grossed out - there was no other way to describe it.

"What was that like?" Eric was grimacing and I was pretty sure he didn't really want to know the answer, while Mike was distracting himself with the salt shaker.

"Terrifying and beautiful," Edward followed his simple answer with a smile. His free hand gave my leg another squeeze as Abbey sneezed. He looked at her, pretending surprise, his eyes and mouth wide open. She smiled at him and flapped her hands a bit. He grinned back and kissed her forehead.

"So cute!" Jess clapped her hands. "How did you know what to do, Edward?" she was eager for details, I could see.

"Birth preparation videos," he said smoothly. Best not to mention the two medical degrees.

"And, what happened?" She turned to me then. "Is it like on television?"

"Er ... ,"  
"Why don't we order." Edward took one of the menus from the pile in the middle of the table and for a while all baby discussion ceased as everyone considered their lunch options and whether we should share a giant nachos or go individual.

Edward gave a low, frustrated groan that I didn't think I was supposed to hear. It was a particular sound I knew as the _Mike Newton groan_ and I held up the menu a little higher as I whispered.

"Mike?"

Edward nodded.

"Sex?"

He hesitated then gave a brief nod and at first I smiled and squeezed his arm comfortingly, feeling the solid muscles beneath the thin fabric of his shirt. But then my smile faded. I didn't know specifically what Mike was thinking, but this time ... he might be right.

Were we still having sex?

No.

We were very affectionate. There were lots of cuddles and kisses and holding, but I didn't feel the need for anything more just now ... and the thought of anything more made me feel a little nervous. I knew we were okay to go ahead, I knew there was a box of condoms in Edward's bedside table. I also knew it was common for women to feel this way after having a baby, I just hoped it wouldn't last too long.

Edward never said anything. He never did anything that made me feel pressured. He was patient, clearly letting me make the first move, although two nights earlier he'd tested the waters.

He'd curled around me in our bed, pulled my back against his chest and his fingers ran lightly along my arm, as they often did. Then, after a few circuits from wrist to shoulder, he'd very carefully rested his fingers on my hip, making some small circles over my shorts. It felt nice and I'd sighed softly. His fingers moved up a little and I'd felt him hesitate before he slipped the tips of two under my tank top, very lightly touching the bare skin of my stomach, near my hip.

I tensed. He knew immediately that I was uncomfortable and his fingers were gone, back to stroking my arm again.

I'd turned to him. "Edward I'm sorry ... ,"

He'd put a finger to my lips and smiled. "No, love, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have ... ,"

I'd shaken my head and moved his finger away. "No, it's me, I ... ,"

He turned me back around, pulled me against his chest again and kissed my hair.

"Whenever you're ready, love."

"But ... I know it's been a while ... ,"

And he'd leant up on his elbow so he could look over me into my face. His eyes were happy, smiling. "Bella, how long did you wait for me?" He was so close his hair fell into _my_ eyes.

I'd laughed and then joked as I got his point.

"Well, I hope I don't take _that _long."

He'd laid back down behind me.

"It doesn't matter if it does, Bella. Remember what you said to me in the meadow that very first day?" And he'd hugged me tightly to him as he kissed the back of my neck. "This is enough."

Edward realised where my thoughts had gone - he was watching me as I chewed my lip, staring blank-eyed at the menu. I looked at him. His mouth curved up in half smile and he winked at me. Then he crossed his eyes just slightly and a giggle escaped me. He grinned and put his arm around my shoulder, leanining his head against mine and looking for all the world as if we were very seriously studying the menu. And despite the coldness of his body, I could feel the warmth and love in his touch and I knew what he was saying - this is enough.

Our meals came and the conversation turned to college and jobs and it was good to hear everyone's news.

Angela was enjoying anthropology. Eric and Ben were both doing environmental science but were finding it hard-going. Mike and Jessica were at the same school, their relationship still on again-off again. He was doing well with sports management, and she was having a blast with journalism - I could just see her working on a tabloid some day.

"You know, you look great, Bella," she was mumbling through a mouth full of nachos. "You look just like you did before."

I blushed a little. I looked okay, but my stomach was softer now, and more rounded. I doubted it would ever be firm again. And it was still stripey, though the stretch marks were starting to fade. All my pants were new. And a size bigger.

"Thanks, Jess."

"And Abbey's so good," she added.

She was. She was lying in Edward's arms drinking her bottle, staring up at the pendant light again. Edward loved feeding her, the smile on his face now was proof, but it was also a convenient cover for him not eating. "I'll just share off Bella's plate," he'd said and no-one really noticed that he only occasionally picked up a chip or piece of salad, or that it went into the napkin on his lap.

"It really doesn't seem too hard, having a baby." Jess continued. I knew my eyes had opened a little wider at her comment and I tried to make it look like interest instead of surprise.

She turned to Mike beside her. "I mean, if Edward can deliver a baby by himself, and Bella looks the same, and Abbey just sleeps and eats. How hard can it be?" She sighed and gave a gooey grin in Abbey's direction. "Ooh, I think I'd like one now!"

Mike spluttered his soda across the table.

"Sorry," he mumbled, red-faced, as he wiped up the spray.

"I mean, you guys are managing, fine and ...."

"Jess, have you got a play list for the party yet?" Mike cut across her.

"Mm? Oh, not yet, no. Isn't she cute, Mike?"

"Yeah, cute. Eric, you've got some cool music you could bring along, right?'

"Sure," Eric nodded, obviously glad to be off the baby subject. "I've got the new ... ,"

Abbey chose that moment to pull away from her bottle and start crying. Her smooth, pink features transformed into an angry red scowl and her quiet sucking sounds became an angry yell.

Jess jumped, her face showing shock at Abbey's sudden and dramatic change of temperament.

In a well practiced routine I took the toweling cloth from the diaper bag and put it over my shoulder. Edward handed Abbey to me and I held her up, rubbing her back while she continued to yell. I turned in my seat so Edward could see her face. I patted and rubbed for maybe a minute while she cried.

"Are we getting close?" I asked. She had a familiar pattern with wind pain now and her eyes would always open wide just before she burped.

"Mm, not yet," Edward answered. "Oh, wait ... there she goes, eyes open."

And then ...

"Brrrup."

And peace.

"Good girl," I heard Edward, softly, behind me.

"Does she do that a lot?" Jess asked, looking wary now.

"Yes," I smiled as I brought Abbey back down to sit up in my arms. "She does. But we were lucky this time, the crying didn't go on too long. Sometimes she can go for fifteen or twenty minutes if she has an air bubble stuck."

"Oh, really?"

"Uh huh." Abbey wriggled and frowned. I grabbed the towel from off my shoulder and held it in front of her. "I don't think we're quite finished yet, though." There was another wriggle, a bit of a grunt, and then Abbey threw up some milk at the same time she filled her diaper. The visual of the vomit and the sound and smell of the diaper made Jess turn pale.

In another well-practiced routine Edward gathered the soiled towel from my hands. He gently wiped Abbey's face and her hand where some of the milk had landed. He rolled the towel up and pulled a plastic zip-loc carrier from the diaper bag and sealed the towel inside.

"They don't have a parents' room here," he said looking around. "I'll go change her in the car." He reached out to take her.

"In your car?" Eric was aghast. "In the Volvo?"

"Where else would he do it?" Ben spoke up.

"But it has leather seats," Eric almost whimpered and Ben rolled his eyes.

"You stay there, Bella. Edward, I'll get the door for you." And Ben stood up and moved to the door, holding it open.

Edward grinned at me as Abbey sat tucked comfortably in his arm.

"Come on Abbey," he said, smiling as she gave another big yawn. "Come with Daddy and we'll get you cleaned up a bit." He slung the diaper bag over his shoulder and left, thanking Ben as he did so.

Jessica turned the conversation back to the party.

"So do you want to go?" Edward asked.

"Where?'

"Jessica's party."

I was sitting on the sofa, cuddling Abbey in my lap, brushing my lips across her hair, blowing the occasional raspberry on her cheek. Edward sat cross-legged on the floor in front of me, entertaining her with a new range of funny faces. He was a master at it. So far she seemed to like the growly, vampire face best. It got more smiles than his cross-eyed grin, the tongue-poking or, my personal favourite, the scowly pout. Sometimes he'd blow a soft breath into her face and she'd blink and smile.

When I didn't answer him he looked up and gave me the pout while he crossed his eyes and I laughed.

"Are you the same boy I sat next to my first day in Biology?"

"No," he chuckled. "Absolutely not." And pushed his hair out of his eyes.

"So do you want to go?"

He bent down to kiss Abbey's right foot and he laughed when she jerked it away, her toes catching him in the nose. She laughed too.

"I've never been big on parties, you know that." I said. "And we'd have to leave her at home." Just the thought made my stomach clench.

"I know," Edward sighed, frowning. "But she'd be in very good hands, and it might be nice for you to have a change of routine."

I looked at him. His eyes were soft, like his smile.

"Am I getting boring?"

"No!" His eyes shot wide open. "No, _that _you will never be. But you are nineteen, parties are normal and while your life has taken a different track, it's probably a good idea to be nineteen again, sometimes ... if the opportunity arises." He was smiling again.

I nodded. "Maybe."

"And it's only in town at her parent's house, isn't it?"

"Yes."

"We can just stay a couple of hours, say hello ... show Abbey's photos around."

And suddenly a grin stretched across my face. "You're hopeless, Edward."

He came up to sit next to me kissed me, grinning.

"I know."

"Okay, we'll go. It's a sixties party, did you hear that part? She's heavily into the music so that's the theme." I hated theme parties.

He nodded and sighed, painfully. "Yes."

"So, I guess the cheesecloth comes out of the closet, now, doesn't it?" I liked teasing Edward.

"I've told you before, I don't have any cheesecloth." His exasperation was clear and I chuckled. "Anyway, it's sixties isn't it? Not specifically _hippy_?"

"Yeah ... sooo?"

"Sooo ... everyone thinks hippy when they think sixties. I could wear a dark suit, white shirt and narrow tie and still be in theme."

"Don't you dare. If I'm dressing up like a flower child, so are you."

He rolled his eyes and groaned as Abbey started to yawn. She put her little fists to her eyes and rubbed.

"Sleep time, Daddy will do more funny faces tomorrow," I said, kissing her as I stood up. Edward stood with me and kissed Abbey's forehead and I headed for the nursery.

"Bella, wait love," he was looking towards the door. He took a deep breath, turned back to me and held his hands out for Abbey.

"I'll tuck her in. Alice is coming to see you."

She came through the door armed with a suit bag and a heavy, leather photo album.

"I just saw that you're going to Jessica's party. You'll need my help." She dumped the album on the sofa and held up the suit bag.

"Edward's right, there's more to the sixties than just hippies." She'd heard that? "You don't have to look like a flower child." She was all business as she unzipped the bag. "This is from my fashion archive."

"You archive fashion?"

"Of course. Select items from over the years. I have some very valuable pieces - Chanel, Cardin, Mary Quant. It's like collecting art." I'd never seen it that way, but I supposed she had a point. "Now, I think this will look good on you." She pulled out the dress and held it up, her face excited. "Well, what do you think? It's sixties, but it's the mod look."

I nodded, not understanding what that meant and she rolled her eyes at me.

"It's Yves St Laurent's interpretation of Pier Mondrian's rectangles," she said triumphantly.

I still didn't know what that meant, but it sounded expensive. The dress seemed familiar. I'd seen similar things in magazines and movies. It was short, straight and simple with no sleeves. Black stripes divided it into rectangles of mostly white, with one large red rectangle at the front, a smaller blue rectangle near the shoulder and a narrow yellow border at the bottom.

She held it up against me and narrowed her golden eyes. I knew she was calculating the fit and she gave a quick, approving nod and put the dress back in the bag.

"Are you going to come, too, Alice? The whole class is invited."

"I know. But I won't come, I'll much prefer baby sitting Abbey," she grinned.

"Now, for Edward," she was back to business as she sat on the sofa and opened the photo album. She patted the seat beside her and I sat. "I kept two outfits that he wore in the sixties. He didn't like either so he'll just wear whatever you choose for him."

Alice's photos fascinated me. "I didn't know you had these," I said.

It looked like the Cullens were going to fancy dress parties every day of the year. Pin-stripe suits, circle skirts, hats, gloves, mini skirts, shoulder pads, dropped waists, leather jackets, leg warmers, stone washed jeans.

"Vampires don't really need picturers to be reminded of things, unless you want to show someone something they weren't there to see." She cocked her head and frowned. "Did that make sense?"

"Er, yeah, I think so."

She shrugged. "But I just like photos."

I remembered the shots she'd taken of Edward and me at prom and the wedding. And my disastrous eighteenth birthday party.

"Now, have a look, tell me what you think?" she pointed at a picture. "I can't see what he's wearing until you decide."

I gasped a little. There was Edward, wearing a loose, white cheesecloth shirt with a low v-neck over a pair of tight jeans that flared hugely at the bottom. I giggled. So there _was _still cheesecloth after all!

And his hair was different. Brushed forward, it seemed straighter, longer as it hung closely around his face and somehow made his cheekbones seem even more defined.

He was standing beside Jasper, who was similarly dressed, on the porch of a house I didn't recognise. He wasn't smiling.

"Or there's this one." She flipped over the page and my heart skipped a beat.

"What's he wearing?" I gasped.

"It's his Nehru jacket. He always looked good in that."

Good? He was ... words failed me. He was ... stunning.

The jacket was long, stopping mid-thigh. Its straight, tailored cut emphasised his shoulders and the perfect lines of his body. The fabric looked rich, a dark blue and purple paisley design. There were gold buttons but it had no lapels and its collar wasn't flat, but stood up around his neck in a narrow band. He wore it over blank pants. Again, his hair was brushed forward, again, the cheekbones stood out. Again he wasn't smiling.

"So?" Alice prompted.

"This one," I said pointing at the Nehru jacket and Alice nodded.

"Good choice," she said as my gaze fell on another picture on the facing page.

"What's happening here, Alice?"

"Oh, that's when the first home video games came out. Emmett had just bought Space Invaders. Do you know it?"

"I've heard of it."

"Well, he'd just brought it home and he asked Edward to play against him, see who could get the highest score."

The photo showed them on a sofa in front of a television. Emmett was on the edge of his seat, mouth and eyes open wide in shock, the controller was in mid-fall while his hands were grabbing at his hair. Edward was standing on the sofa beside him. Well, standing was probably the wrong word. Edward was _mid-leap_ on the sofa beside him, hand fisted, punching the air, face excited, clearly laughing out loud. His other hand was swinging the controller around his head, lasso style.

"Edward won," Alice said, unnecessarily.

"Yes, I guessed that. It's a great photo." I grinned.

"Would you like a copy?"

I nodded, smiling.

Then the germ of an idea started to form in my mind. It formed and grew and so did the smile on my face. And then Alice's head suddenly snapped up to me, eyes bright.

"That's a wonderful idea, Bella!" she mouthed, pointing towards the nursery and then putting her finger to her mouth. "Jasper will help you." The exaggerated moves of her silent lips made the words clear. I was still smiling as I looked back at the photo of Edward leaping off a sofa in 1978. Yeah, it was a wonderful idea - if it was possible.

I was ready. Dress on, make-up done, hair teased and back-combed to within an inch of its life. And I was wearing shiny, red, knee-high boots. Alice had left five minutes before and I sighed as I looked in the mirror. Actually, I didn't look too bad. Just ... different. I hadn't seen Edward yet and I wondered how he looked in his Nehru jacket.

I could hear him giving instructions to Esme as I came out of our bedroom.

"Bella's fed her just half an hour ago, so we might even be home before she wants her next feed. But here's the bottle just in case."

Esme smiled at me over Edward's shoulder as she took Abbey, and the bottle, from him. Abbey was grinning and blowing bubbles. Her hand was grabbing at Esme's hair.

"She'll be fine, Edward. She can stay all night, if you'd like."

I knew he said something in reply, but I didn't catch it.

"She likes a little play before sleep time," I said as I joined them. I stroked Abbey's cheek then kissed it.

"You'll know when she's tired, she'll start yawning and waving her arms around," Edward added.

"And she makes a little grunting sound." I said.

"Alright, we'll look out for yawning, waving and grunting. I'm sure we'll cope." Esme's smile was warm and amused and we started laughing.

"I know you will," Edward said, smiling.

"Now, I'm going to take this young lady up to the house, Rosalie's set up your old room all ready for her and Alice has gone to select a story."

Ah yes, the latest addition to the Cullen house - the second nursery. Our old room now had its own crib and a supply of toys, storybooks, diapers and changes of clothes, ready and waiting for an occasion like this. "And Emmett's hired _Mary Poppins._"

The smile and the frown were fighting for a place on my face.

"He does realise she's too young to understand movies, doesn't he?"

Edward smirked. "He does, love, he's just using Abbey as an excuse to sing along with Julie Andrews."

"Edward," Esme frowned but I could see a smile tugging at her lips. "He's just excited about baby sitting." Then her smile appeared properly and she beamed at us. "We all are. Now go and have some fun."

We both bent down to kiss Abbey again and almost bumped heads. She gurgled at us, obviously amused by our antics. We tried again, successful this time, and she disappeared through the door in Esme's loving arms.

Edward turned to face me and I realised we hadn't really looked at each other yet. I took a step back to get a good view.

"Wow, Edward ... you look, wow."

I needed a moment to appreciate him. Yep, drop-dead gorgeous didn't cover it.

"I could say the same," he said as his eyes took me in as they moved down my body. "You're wearing red boots," he said as he focused on my feet.

"Er, yes." I pointed a toe.

"I like them," and his voice made me shiver slightly and raised goose bumps on my skin. He noticed, of course, and cocked his head at me curiously.

"We're alone," he said suddenly, quietly.

"Feels strange, doesn't it?"

He smiled softly. "Yes."

I was reminded instantly of that day in Biology, when the lights were turned off and we watched a film. The electricity that had flown between us then, and it was like that now.

He reached out slowly and put his hands on my hips in a move that was hesitant, guarded. He paused for a moment, his fingers just resting lightly on me, gauging my reaction. I was still, just letting the corner of my mouth curve up in a smile, wondering where this was going and focusing on the feelings awakening in my body. He took a small step towards me at the same time pulling me closer by maybe an inch. There was a warm tingling across my skin now and my lips parted as my breaths came a little faster.

There was just the smallest of spaces between us and I closed my eyes and felt Edward's lips on my ... forehead.

My eyes flew open. My forehead? The warm tingle started to fade, but I noticed he kept his lips on my skin just a fraction longer than normal.

He pulled away slowly.

"Come on," he sounded reluctant "We'll be late."

The electricity was back as we sat, silent, in the dark car. I was aware that he was looking at me from the corner of his eye while I stared straight ahead. Sometimes his gaze dropped to my legs ... he did seem to like the boots. His fingers were flexing on the steering wheel and every now and then he'd lift his hand, hesitate, then replace it, as if he couldn't decide whether to touch me or not. After two or three false starts he reached across and took my hand, bringing it back to rest on the console between us. Nothing unusual about that, but his thumb was softly stroking the inside of my wrist. He hadn't touched me there for a while and the sensation sent a warm rush through my arm that flowed into the rest of my body.

I was biting my lip and my breathing was fast when Edward turned to me. He swallowed as he looked into my eyes and his voice made my insides melt when he spoke.

"We're here."

What?

"What?"

"We're here, at Jessica's party."

"Oh. Oh, right. Yeah."

He held my gaze a moment longer, seeming undecided about something, then he smiled before getting out and coming to open my door. I wondered how long we'd have to stay before we could leave without being rude.

The music of Jimi Hendrix was blaring, there were lava lamps on the coffee table and the china cabinet and there was even a bean bag.

"Pant, pant, blow," Edward whispered and I laughed.

His hand rested firmly on the small of my back as we moved through the crowd in the large living room and I could feel heat from his touch even though his hand was cold. Once it slid down slowly and very lightly grazed over the swell of my bottom. He was looking the other way, as if he didn't even know it was happening, and for some reason that made it more exciting.

Jessica looked more like a gypsy than a hippy. She was all peasant skirts, beads and bangles and scarves.

"Do you like my peace symbol," she laughed, pointing to the drawing on her cheek.

"Um, yeah."

"The party's going great, isn't it?" she bubbled.

"Groovy," Edward smiled and she laughed and danced off.

"It's upside down," he murmured as he pulled me out of the way of Eric's kung fu demonstration.

"What is?"

"Her peace symbol."

"What does that make it then?"

"She has the Mercedez Benz insignia on her cheek."

It just wasn't my sort of party. The music was too loud to talk over. The incense was too strong. Someone had put a martial arts movie on with the sound turned down and Eric and Tyler were copying the moves, mock-fighting each other and yelling. I was getting a headache and after a while the smell of sandlewood and patchouli was making me feel sick.

"Can we go?" I said. We'd been there about an hour.

I was rubbing my temples and Edward nodded, his face concerned. He was guiding me towards the door when Eric did a leap and landed in the bean bag. It burst, he stumbled and fell into the coffee table amid a cloud of small, foam balls, breaking one of the lava lamps and a porcelain statue of doves in a cherry tree.

"No! My Mom loves those doves!" Jessica screamed, scrambling at the broken pieces as lime green oily blobs dripped onto the cream carpet below.

She sobbed while Eric frantically apologised and Mike grabbed a cloth from the sofa and tried to wipe up the lava goo, but only smeared it around more. Then Lauren stormed over.

"That's my poncho!" she yelled, snatching the bundle of cloth out of Mike's hand and accidentally knocking the second lava lamp over. It smashed, too, and the carpet became a canvas for psychadelic lava art and Jess' wails got louder.

"I think the party's over now, anyway," Edward murmured as we headed for the fresh air and quiet.

"Are you alright?"

I nodded, my head was clearing. "I think it was just the noise and the smell. I'm not very good at being a teenager."

Edward chuckled and lifted his hand from the steering wheel to stroke over my hair.

"Mm, that feels nice."

I could feel a gentle return of the electricity that had been between us earlier. I think he did too. His hand drifted from my head to stroke the back of my neck. Soft caresses, barely there.

I reached over to his thigh, resting my palm there, squeezing gently.

His index finger started circles on my neck, coming around the side and running down to my shoulder then back up again. He made the circuit several times, and each time my breathing grew faster, my heart beat quicker, and my hand squeezed his leg harder.

By his fifth circuit I was almost panting and he was watching me, not the road. I was feeling bold and I shifted my hand, moving it from his thigh to squeeze gently between his legs.

He gasped, the car swerved, and he quickly grabbed the steering wheel with both hands, his long fingers gripping hard and nearly breaking it. He turned to look at me, questions, surprise, shock in his eyes.

I smiled and bit my lip, raising an eyebrow, I hoped, suggestively.

"Now?" his voice was incredulous and I nodded.

The car was off the road and parked amongst the trees before I'd had time to blink.

He cut the engine and turned so he was facing me, one arm resting on the steering wheel, the other resting against his seat. He stared into my eyes.

"Really? Right now?"

"Yes."

"You don't want to .... ," he was gesturing vaguely in the direction of home.

"No."

He stared at me.

And I was suddenly shy. "But if you don't want ... " I turned my face away and instantly his fingers were under my chin, bringing it back to look at him.

"No! I mean ... yes. No, I mean ... ," he paused for a second and the bright shock in his eyes faded, melting into desire. "I want you," he said softly. The smile was back on my face. "But I can't ... "

The smile fell.

"Not here, in a car by the roadside. Bella, it's not good enough, I could never take you ... "

"It's fine, it's good enough, take me," and I launched myself at him and locked my lips on his.

"But Bella, it's ... ," his voice was muffled by my mouth. "This wasn't how I planned ... there were going to be silk sheets and candles." He didn't know where to put his hands, he was conflicted, unsure what to do.

"I don't need them," I rushed the words. "I need you and this is one human teenage experience I _do_ want. Please?"

I pulled back properly to look in his eyes. They were very dark, and I could see desire fighting with romance and chivalry. The gentleman was battling with the lust-filled teenager.

It took just one sweep of my tongue over my bottom lip ... and the teenager won. And then Edward Cullen growled out three words I never expected to hear from him ...

"Back seat. Now."

The sudden need in his voice sent a rush of heat through me but as I turned to climb over the seats I froze. And so did Edward.

Abbey's baby seat.

We looked at each other for a moment and then Edward unstrapped the seat and sat it in the driver's chair in moves so quick they were a blur. He lifted me up and laid me gently on the leather.

It was all arms and legs in the confined space. My hot mouth against his cold one. I banged my head against the door twice and he'd rub it and pull me back down further, away from it.

The Nehru jacket looked good, but it was a nightmare to get off. Stiff fabric, too many buttons. After some fumbling on my part Edward's long fingers grabbed the front panels and ripped. The torn fabric and buttons fell away.

"Your jacket ... ," I murmured.

"I never liked it." And he buried his face in my neck.

Then he sat up and I moaned at the sight of him. Perfect chest and shoulders, his body moving with heavy breaths, eyes dark, lips parted, sitting over me.

It had been _far too long._

"I love you, Bella," his voice was rough, almost hoarse.

"I love you."

He came back down, his lips crashing into mine, and I could feel how much he wanted me ... and then he stopped.

"What? No ... ," Don't go all Mr Darcy on me now!

He groaned, not a happy groan, and rolled off me onto the floor, his hands in his hair, his lip between his teeth, eyes screwed shut, almost like he was in pain.

"Edward?"

His hands stayed clutched in his hair but his eyes opened and looked at me, sad, frustrated.

"Condom," he whispered.

"Oh."

He took his hands out of his hair and let his head fall back against the panel of the door. He banged it softly a couple of times.

"Well, how fast can you get us home?"

Pretty fast, as it turned out.

It was almost like the night I went into labour. The car skidded to a stop on the lawn, grass and mud flying. I was out and in Edward's arms as he kicked the door shut and strode through the trees to the cottage.

Inside he set me down in the bedroom and we just stood, looking at each other. Suddenly, the frantic urgency of the car had gone, but the electricity still sparked between us, mixed now with anticipation. And nerves.

"Hello," he whispered shyly, crooked smile in place and making me melt deliciously and completely.

"Hello," I whispered back.

He looked around the room - the stuffed toys on the bed and the floor, the story books on the bedside table.

"Still no candles and silk sheets," he shrugged.

"Next time," I whispered.

Silence.

His bare chest expanded as he took a deep, steadying breath. I took a breath of my own. Slowly, he closed the distance between us, reaching out a finger to lightly graze over my wrist.

"I've missed you," he breathed. His finger circled over my wrist and trailed slowly up my arm. His eyes stayed on mine and his icy touch left a fire on my skin.

"I've thought about this," he said softly as his finger moved up to my shoulder.

Suddenly he was behind me.

"About us," his finger touched the zipper at the back of the dress and I bit my lip as I nodded, yes.

"About us together again." His finger traced the skin of my spine as he pulled the zipper down. I shivered and the rectangles were in a puddle at my feet.

"I want to make love to you slowly, in our bed, Bella." He slid my bra from my body, his lips kissing and sucking lightly on my shoulder and neck. My eyes closed, my mind was gone.

"And in the bath." He moved around in front of me and was on his knees, kissing the soft mound of my new stomach, his tongue tracing the new geography of my belly button, as his shaking fingers slid my undies down my legs, over the red boots, and off. He groaned softly and the sound set my pulse on fire. I wound my fingers in the silk of his hair.

"And outside at night, on a blanket, under the stars." He sucked on the inside of my thigh then grabbed me as my knees buckled. He lifted me onto the bed and I laid there, naked but for the boots, under his gaze.

He smiled and I giggled, a nervous little sound.

"And in the Volvo?" I joked.

His eyes were on mine, his hands on his belt as he undid the buckle and drew it through the loops, pulling it free and letting it fall on the floor.

"In the Volvo," he nodded as he drew the zipper of his pants down slowly and pulled the fabric past his hips. They dropped and he kicked them free.

I gasped. It had been three months. It was like his beauty was hitting me for the first time all over again and my head swam.

"Really, the Volvo?" I choked out.

He nodded. "It's on the list, now," he smiled.

"Um, what else is on the list?"

"Lots of things." I didn't think it was possible, but his eyes got even darker and my breath caught in my throat.

"Tell me?"

"I'd rather show you."

And then he climbed onto the bed, moving up my body and sitting over me as he traced wavy lines over my breasts, my ribs, my stomach and beyond. The tease of his fingers, the promises in his touch, made me whimper and arch, my pleasure matched the desire that showed in his eyes.

He laid down beside me and pulled me into his arms. He traced my mouth with his finger while he spoke and I could feel the tremble of my lips against his skin.

"Tonight, we start with the bedroom, Bella," he whispered. "We get to know each other again." And then he kissed me, deeply, slowly. He explored, finding new places of pleasure and sensation in this body that had changed and matured, his lips following the path of his fingers, making me gasp and moan and tear at the sheets.

Then he shifted and I looked up.

His lips parted slightly and the tip of his tongue just touched his bottom lip. He reached across to the bedside table and pulled something from the drawer. And suddenly he was shy, as he held the small, foil packet and I giggled.

I was breathing hard as I watched him. He looked at me, eyebrow raised and I nodded. He started to open it but he hesitated. He looked at me again, now through the hair that was tumbling into his eyes.

"I know using these doesn't seem very romantic to you ... ," there was the hint of apology in his tone as he reached up a hand and pushed the strands away so I could see the bright light in his eyes. "But there are ways it could be, Bella."

My heart skipped and I nodded, wondering what he had planned. I shifted a little and realised I was still wearing the boots. I wriggled, desperately trying to kick them off so we could get on with the romance, but his hand on my thigh stilled me. His smile was shy again as he stared at me through those lashes.

"Bella, I wonder ... ," he swallowed. "Will you leave the boots on for me, please love?"

I was shy when we went to the house the next morning. My blush was in place before we even walked through the front door, Edward with a comforting arm wound tightly around me.

"So how was the party kids!" Emmett boomed as we entered. He was sprawled on the floor with Jasper, building what looked like a Lego version of the Seattle Space Needle.

"Fine," Edward said simply.

Alice was cuddling Abbey and we walked straight to her and I picked her out of her arms. Edward bent down to kiss her forehead. I cuddled her to me, it felt like ages since I'd held her.

"Hello, how's my girl?" And she gave me a gummy grin and clapped her hands in the still-clumsy way that she had.

We walked to the sofa to sit down. After some cuddles I passed her to Edward who sat her on his lap, his free hand holding mine on his thigh.

"How was she?" I asked.

"She was perfect," Rosalie smiled.

"She drank all her milk, and ate most of the mashed pumpkin," Alice tried not to pull a face, but couldn't stop herself. Abbey had started solids.

"And we had stories and songs ... ," Rosalie added.

"And Mary Poppins," Jasper snickered.

"Did she watch some?" I asked, laughing and Edward was smiling, already hearing the answer in someone's thoughts.

"No, but Emmett did," Jasper continued.

Emmett threw a piece of Lego at Jasper who caught it neatly.

"Thanks. I was looking for that piece." He went back to the model, quietly singing _Chim Chimeny_ under his breath.

Emmett frowned and turned his attention back to us. "So ... did you two make out?" He waggled his eyebrows at me and the blush roared across my skin, but I wasn't going to let him get to me.

"All night long, Emmett," I answered him simply and it sure took the wind out of his sails.

"Oh, okay." Now he seemed embarrassed and bemused and turned back to his space needle.

Edward was clearly surprised, but he was grinning at me.

"You wanna help us?" Jasper asked and waved a Lego piece in the air.

"In a while, I want to say hello first," Edward answered. He held Abbey's hand in his and pointed at each of her fingers, counting, one to five. She was frowning, focused on his actions, studying them seriuosly it seemed and I couldn't help but laugh at her expression.

"I suppose Abbey will want to have parties one day," Alice said and everyone looked at her.

"Oh, I ... um," Edward looked confused for a moment and then looked down at Abbey. She'd let go of his fingers and was looking up at him, grabbing at his hair.

"I guess we'll deal with that sort of thing when the time comes," he said carefully after a moment. He looked at me, unsure, asking for confirmation and I nodded.

Rosalie gave him a surprisingly affectionate smile.

"I guess you'll have _all_ that sort of thing to deal with, if you want her to have as normal a life as possible."

And I started chuckling to myself at the thought of Edward dealing with boyfriends.

"What?" he smiled at me, curious.

"Just wondering what you'd do when she's a teenager if you found some boy climbing through her bedroom window to watch her sleep."

The smile left his face and his eyes hardened with something I could only describe as menace. His jaw, the planes of his face, all took on that appearance that meant not just vampire, but _father_. And at the sudden stillness in the room I looked up and saw Emmett and Jasper with similar expressions on their faces. Rosalie was rolling her eyes and Alice was smiling as she shook her head.

I looked back at Edward. He swallowed and then his eyes calmed when he looked at me. He spoke, and his tone was formal and very proper.

"Well, if he loved Abbey as much as I love you, then I wouldn't mind if he visited her. But I'd ask him to keep regular hours and to come through the front door."

Ah, welcome to 1918.

Rosalie snorted, an unusual sound for her.

"Sure, Edward, that's a very nice answer. Now tell us what your first reaction _really_ was."

He dropped his eyes and looked a little sheepish. He was quiet for a moment and then he shrugged.

"It would be very quick, he wouldn't feel a thing."

He looked up at my shocked face through his lashes, but then his eyes become excited with a sudden realization. He spoke quickly.

"But you're forgetting, I'd hear his thoughts before he'd even get close to the house, let alone into her room. And even if he did visit properly, I'd hear every thought, every idea, every plan." There was a gleam in his eyes now.

"And I'd know his mood and feelings," Jasper spoke up fiercely, surprising me.

Emmett said nothing, but I noticed his knuckles straining in his fists as he nodded his support.

I leaned over and kissed Edward softly. And I pitied the poor boy who ever fell for his daughter.

* * *

It was June 20th ... Edward's birthday.

Abbey was making some gurgly noises from her room and Edward uncurled himself from around me and went to bring her in. As soon as he left the room I reached into my bedside table and grabbed his gift.

"What's this?" he asked as he brought her back in, cuddling her close and looking down at the photo album on the bed. The album Renee had put together. Our family photo album.

"Have a look." My heart started beating a little faster and he looked at me, eyebrow cocked, curious. He knelt on the bed and I took Abbey from his arms.

"Hello," I smiled at her and was rewarded with her gummy grin and she waved her excited fists as I lifted my t-shirt and she greedily started breakfast.

Edward was sitting beside me, watching, smiling, the photo album in his hands. After a moment his gaze moved from Abbey's face up to mine. He was wearing his half smile and that would always be one of the most beautiful things in my world. He kissed me softly, then opened the album.

"So what's happening with this?" he asked, but I said nothing. Instead, I waited.

He turned the cover page over and then ... he froze.

I'd rearranged the photos. Now on the first page there was a photo of me as a baby with Renee and Charlie, one of Edward and me with Abbey, and a photo of Edward ... as a baby with his parents.

They were in a park, sitting on a blanket spread beneath a tree. Edward was a baby on his mothers lap - maybe a year old. His father sat beside them. There was a basket - a picnic was obviously in progress.

He was stone, a statue. Then his lips moved - only his lips. His voice was hoarse.

"How?"

But I didn't answer his question.

"Keep going. There's one more."

He turned the page - his fingers were shaking and then his eyes were huge and his gasp was soft, but I heard it.

Edward and his father at a baseball game. They were in the stands, Edward's mouth was open, obviously calling something out. His father was the same, happy face, calling out, his arm around Edward's shoulder. They both wore hats - Edward's was a flat cap, his father's was a Fedora.

"How?" his lips moved but this time no sound came out.

"Jasper helped me. We figured that, even if the photographers who took your family photos were still in business, it was unlikely they'd have reprints. So instead we started with the Chicago Daily News. They used to have photographers just go out and take pictures of people doing normal stuff and they'd put them in the paper."

He nodded.

"Well, they have a massive photo archive and you can order replicas. You just need to do a search by name. We did a search and your name came up. Well, your father's name did."

He was transfixed and I was quiet for a moment, letting him take it in. I held Abbey's little hand, lifting it to kiss as I watched him.

"The photos had captions in the newspapers, but the captions don't come on the replicas." I pointed at the picture. "This one was at baseball game in 1911, right?"

He nodded slightly. "First game of the season," he said softly. "I have the memory of the game, I didn't know there was a photo."

I smiled. "We saw the caption in the online archive, it said ... _Prominent city lawyer, Edward Masen, attends the first ball game of the season with his son, Edward Jr._ " I'd remembered it so I could tell him.

A small smile tugged at his lips.

"And this one," I turned back the page. "This one was in 1902. It said ... ," I tried to remember. "_Edward and Elizabeth Masen enjoy a spring picnic in the park with son Edward Jr."_

His fingers traced over the images tenderly as he smiled.

"Happy birthday, Edward."

He moved then. His head snapped around to me and he stared.

"I know vampires don't do birthdays ... ," I shrugged, leaving the sentence unfinished.

Then his eyes warmed and his face relaxed into a smile.

"Thank you, Bella," he said softly. He leaned over and kissed me, his hand reaching up to touch my face as he stared into my eyes ... and then his voice broke when he spoke. "Thank you very much."

* * *

I underlined the last word with a flourish. I'd written to the end of the last line on the last page. My journal was full and my next entry would have to be on notepaper.

I flicked back over the last few pages, looking at random entries.

Feeling Abbey touch my cheek as she stared into my eyes, smiling ... I'd been sure she was saying _I love you._

Edward reading to Abbey. Winnie the Pooh and he'd do all the voices, Pooh, Piglet, Christopher Robin, Owl. I liked it best when he did Eyeore.

Esme and Carlisle playing peek-a-boo with their granddaughter. I wasn't sure who had more fun.

Splashing her when she had her bath. Watching her kick her legs at the rubber duck and laughing when I'd trickle water over her hair.

Edward playing the guitar. Making up songs for her about a mouse looking for a house. Or my favourite, the cat that turned into a bat. Sometimes he'd put the guitar down and do actions. His _cat-bat wing flap_ always made us laugh.

And dancing. Sometimes we'd put music on and Edward would hold Abbey and dance slowly around the living room. Then he'd set her down and come to me.

"Mum's turn," he'd say and pull me into his arms, before I had a chance to protest, and whirl me around the room. And Abbey would watch us, smiling.

Abbey watching a Mariner's game with Charlie. He'd held her, commentating every run, every catch, every foul. She'd yawned and fell asleep and my Dad's smile had been priceless.

And the piano. Edward playing Mozart while Abbey watched from her baby rocker. He'd been explaining the notes, the changes in tempo and I had a feeling lessons wouldn't be starting with Chopsticks after all.

Showing Abbey all the animals hiding in her nursery walls. The owl, the deer, the frog.

"I thought you were going to let her find them herself," I'd said to Edward and he'd wrinkled up his nose at me, grinning.

"Just giving her a head start," he'd said. "I can always add more."

I heard Abbey stir from her nap so I slipped the journal back in the desk drawer and went to her. She was sitting up, waiting for me and when I appeared she grinned, showing her new tooth.

It was August ninth. She was almost five months old and I was almost twenty.

Twenty!

"Hello, Abbey," I grinned as I lifted her out of the crib and hugged her. "Did you have a good sleep?" She nestled against me and I felt the peace and contentment that always washed over me when I held her. I kissed her hair. It was a getting thicker now.

"Mah," she said and I smiled.

"Yes, Mummy's here."

"Dah,"

"Daddy's hunting. He'll be home soon. But I thought we might visit Grandpa Charlie give him a surprise, what do you think? He's getting a new flat-screen today, he might let us watch it."

She smiled and dribbled and I took that as a yes.

I turned to carry her out of the room when something caught my eye. Edward _had_ added something. Something tiny. I moved across to look closely and I smiled when I saw what it was. On one of the tree trunks, as if it had been carved into the bark, were three words ...

_Edward_

_loves_

_Bella_

* * *

Sue's truck was parked out the front of Charlie's. The front door stood open and I could hear my Dad's voice calling from inside.

"Careful of the paintwork!"

I stepped across the porch and into the hall.

"Hi Dad, what's going on?"

"Ah, my girls!" He whipped Abbey out of my arms. "Hello," he said and kissed her cheek. She clapped her hands and grinned. "Hey, she has a tooth!"

"Yeah, she has." No more breast feeding now. The combination of venom and baby teeth made it too risky. I'd already been stung once.

"So, what's happening here? Where's the new flat screen?"

Charlie pointed to a box leaning against the wall. "Billy's taking my old one."

"Oh, good idea."

I stepped past him into the entrance of the living room. The old screen was half off the wall. From behind, one big hand curved over the top edge, holding it still. A familiar pair of crouched legs appeared from underneath, supporting its weight. Jake!

"Yeah," Charlie said, starting to follow me. "Jake and Zeke are taking it down, without _damaging my paintwork,_" and even though he said the last part loudly, I was concentrating on the first part.

"Zeke?"

"Yeah. He's just gone out back to get some tools from the shed."

"I think I'd better go, Dad." I moved to take Abbey from him, just as Jake looked up from behind the screen.

"Bells!" he was surprised and not happy to see me, that was clear. And then Sue came in from the kitchen, her eyes wide and face nervous when she saw me.

"I know, I'm going," I muttered, nodding to her, but my eyes were fixed beyond her, to the back door standing open wide.

"You just got here," Charlie held Abbey out of my reach, frowning, disappointed.

"Dad, I have to go." My tone was sharp as I moved back towards the front door, pulling Charlie with me as I tugged at Abbey in his arms.

I was aware that Jake was moving towards us, Sue too, Charlie still had a tight grip on Abbey and I was _trying_ not to make him suspicious.

"Dad, please, I ... ,"

And suddenly a huge shadow darkened the hall. Zeke was standing in the front doorway.

"You didn't have the right sized screwdriver, so I got this out of the truck."

Easily as big as Jake, he was already starting to tremble as his eyes fixed on Abbey, who was starting to fuss and grizzle in Charlie's arms. I could see Zeke was trying desperately to control himself, but it wasn't working. I threw myself in front of Charlie and Abbey, screaming for my Dad to run with her, just as Jake shot forward, meaning to put himself between me and Zeke.

He was just a second too late.


	21. Chapter 21: Memories and Mashed Banana

**All things Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended.**

* * *

Edward's steady fingers held the small glass vial carefully as he pulled the plunger, drawing the clear liquid into the syringe. My mouth had gone dry and I swallowed, my heart rate increased a little as a thin sheen of sweat covered the back of my neck.

"Are you alright?" Concerned eyes stared at me over the top of the vial. He'd obviously picked up on the cues from my body.

"I just ... don't like needles," I said and a look of pure disbelief crossed his features. His eyes narrowed.

"After what happened today, considering what's going to happen soon, _this_ is what makes you break out in a sweat?"

He held the syringe up and I instinctively drew back, wrinkling my nose.

"I didn't say it made sense."

A corner of his mouth turned up, just hinting at a smile. He capped the needle and laid the syringe and the vial on the towel on top of my old dresser and came to sit on the bed opposite me. He crossed his legs beneath him, pushed his hair out of his eyes and picked up my hand. His thumb grazed over my rings, sliding them around my finger and he studied these little movements carefully as he spoke.

"Bella, this afternoon you were hit in the chest by a psychotic werewolf while another werewolf tried to rip his throat out. You were thrown into a wall hard enough to break the plaster and crack your skull on the bricks underneath and yet ... ."

"I know," I cut him off. "But I didn't have time to be scared this afternoon. It was too fast and I was too busy trying to make sure Abbey was safe."

Edward nodded, his head still bowed as his fingers continued to turn my rings.

"And after that everything was just ... bizarre ... and then kind of good."

His head snapped up.

"Good? Good? Bella, he's _killed _you ... that's why we're here, doing this right _now_!" He stopped and bit his lip, looking down again. He took a deep, steadying breath but his voice still shook when he spoke again. "It wasn't supposed to be this way."

I put my free hand against his cheek. Neither of us said anything but he looked towards my window and I was pretty sure he was remembering the first time he climbed through it. I crawled into his lap and wrapped my arms around him, tight.

"It will be alright, Edward. I promise."

We'd been in my old room at Charlie's for about twenty minutes now, the sky was changing colour, heading towards twilight. The mood was strange and kept shifting. There was always love, it was almost tangible, but it was mingled with traces of sorrow, humour, anger, regret, even relief. And a lot of nerves. I sighed as Edward and I held each other and I thought back over the day.

My decision to be changed was made the second that a giant wolf fixed his gaze on my daughter and tried to kill me to get to her.

I was a danger magnet and Abbey was being dragged into that magnetic pull now. I couldn't allow that. She needed a mother who could protect her properly, not put her at risk.

My decision was made. I had to change - soon. I just didn't think it would be this soon.

I didn't think it would be today.

Suddenly I had an overwhelming urge to get everything out.

"Edward, I want to write it all down. Do we have time for me to do that?" My stomach knotted at the last words and suddenly I was talking fast. "I ... I feel like I have to get this day out of me. There's good stuff I want to remember and other stuff I don't want to take with me ... I want to get it all out." I was breathing a little fast and he eyed me carefully for a moment before smiling softly.

"Where will I find paper?" Uncurling himself gracefully from around my body he climbed off the bed and stood, looking around the room.

"I think there's still some stuff in the desk drawers."

He looked through the drawers and in the middle one found an old notepad and pen. He brought them back to me but something on the paper distracted him and his eyes tightened and a small smirk formed on his lips.

"What?" I asked.

"Can I keep this top sheet?"

I was suspicious and my eyes narrowed as I looked at him. "I don't know. Why?"

Edward sat on the bed, very carefully, and showed me.

Doodles.

I'd obviously been scribbling at some stage, long ago, and in amongst a mess of spirals, shapes and swirls that filled the page, was a small heart with _Edward_ written in it. I was blushing as he kissed my hair. I remembered writing it now - it wasn't long after we'd come back from Italy. It was probably the only 'girly' moment of my life and of course he had to find it.

"May I have it?"

I nodded. "I'm surprised you could see it amongst all the scribble," I joked.

"Vampire vision, remember?" He smiled as he ripped the sheet off with a flourish, folded it and put it in his back pocket.

I took the pad from him and chewed on the end of the pen.

"Um, I don't know where to start now. There's so much that happened."

His mood shifted again, the quiet smiles disappeared and he frowned. He laid down on the pillow and folded his hands behind his head while I sat cross-legged beside him.

"Tell me what happened," he said.

"You know what happened."

"I know, but sometimes, if you say the words out loud it helps get the thoughts clear in your mind and you're better able to write them down. Just start anywhere."

I took a deep breath.

"Okay, Zeke knocked me into the wall and then Jake jumped him. Charlie pulled me out of the way and somehow dragged me and Sue up the stairs while he was still holding Abbey. Um, then the wolves were fighting, they crashed into the new flatscreen and Zeke got a big piece of glass in his eye and he ran off howling with Jake behind him. I think the glass was still in him." I shuddered a little and stopped for breath. Edward's hand was resting on my leg, stroking, watching me carefully.

"And I felt _really angry._ So angry, like, like I wanted to rip Zeke's head off." I could feel it washing over me again. My chest was tight and my fists were clenched. The pain in my head was getting worse. "And if Jake hadn't been there, I think I might have tried."

Edward lifted my fist and kissed it, but he didn't speak. His action, though, had a calming effect and the tightness faded and my hands relaxed.

I took a couple more breaths.

"Then after that, basically, I guess Charlie discovered the existence of werewolves. And then he worked out that you and your family are vampires. You arrived and completely lost it and smashed up Charlie's living room. I asked you to change me so I could keep Abbey safe and you agreed. Jake came back and told us that Zeke was being taken away for good and was probably blind in one eye. You lost it again. Abbey ate mashed banana and Alice had a vision of me dying from a brain haemorrhage if I left Charlie's house."

I was out of breath.

"And now, Charlie's off with your family while they explain more things to him. Then he'll go stay with Sue while we stay here. You're going to inject me with morphine soon and then you'll bite me and turn me into a vampire." I paused for breath. "It's been a big day."

Edward reached up and gently pulled me down onto his chest. His face was unreadable, his eyes were closed.

"It has been a very big day, love." He kissed my hair. "Did it help? Saying it out loud?"

I sat up and reached for my pad and pen.

"Yep, I think so." And I began to write.

Not surprisingly, Charlie's first reaction after the wolves ran off was to ask_ What the hell just happened here?_

More surprising were his next words. _So I guess those old Quileute legends of Billy's aren't just crazy stories. _Turned out he was familiar with the legends - he and Billy had laughed and made fun of them when they were boys. But that wasn't wasn't all he remembered.

I had told Alice I would be visiting Charlie, so when my future disappeared from her visions she panicked and turned up unexpectedly with Carlisle to check on me. With the Quileute legends fresh in his mind I realised Charlie was watching them with new eyes and I felt it when things clicked into place for him. Their golden eyes, the inhuman grace, the touch of Alice's hand on his forearm. Charlie looked at her icy fingers on his skin then looked into her eyes. He'd gasped and whispered ... _Cold Ones. _

So while Carlisle checked me over in the living room and explained that I had mild concussion, bruised ribs and suggested I get a head scan, Alice and Sue, with Abbey, took Charlie into the kitchen to explain different things and make him a cup of hot, sweet tea.

"I still can't believe he accepted it as well as he did." I put down the pen and shook my hand, flexing my fingers.

Edward shrugged. "Remember how well _you_ accepted it?" He reached over and began massaging my hand.

"Yes, but I'd seen you move at super human speed and stop a van with your bare hands. He hadn't seen that. Plus I was in love with you."

He smirked and actually looked a little smug. "I know, but Charlie's not a fool. He's always wondered about my skin and eyes, the way I move ... and the fact he's only twice seen me eat anything." My hair was falling over my eyes as I looked down at him and he reached up to tuck it back behind my ear. "You can only be on a special diet for so long."

I smiled and touched his hand where it stayed, gently making circles on the skin behind my ear.

"I guess it helped that he'd just seen two werewolves explode in front of him." I said. "Vampires weren't too big a jump after that."

"There is that, but I think a lot of it came down to how well he's come to know us. He realised we weren't dangerous. And also, he trusts your judgement."

A smile spread across my face. "Really?"

Edward nodded. "He does. Very much." He picked up the pen while I was smiling to myself. "Although he briefly thought of killing me when he saw me this afternoon. Not seriously, just idle, reflex action sort of thoughts ... any father would have them in the same situation." A knowing smile crossed his lips and I chuckled. "Would you like me to take over?" He sat up against the pillows and held up the pen. "If your hand is tired you could dictate to me."

"Take a letter, Mr Cullen," I smirked and he rolled his eyes as he picked up the pad.

"Alright, I'm ready," he said. "Keep talking."

Edward had been called. Esme and Rosalie, too.

Sue and Rosalie had started cleaning up the mess in the hall while Esme, Alice and Carlisle sat with Charlie, Abbey and me. Sue seemed surprised and relieved that so far, no-one showed her any ill-feeling about what happened. We all knew it wasn't her fault, but she was dreading Edward's return.

And Edward arrived not long after. We heard Emmett's jeep pull up and before the engine was cut Edward had run in, swept me and Abbey into his arms and clung to us. Then he lifted Abbey from me and held her up, looking at her with relief, before hugging her to him.

"Dah!" She was excited to see him and they rubbed noses.

Then, not worrying that we had an audience or that he was holding our daughter, he put his hand on my cheek and kissed me fiercely. My head span a little and I heard Emmett clear his throat before Edward's lips left mine. He rested his forehead gently against mine while Abbey grabbed at the collar of his shirt.

"You're safe," he whispered. "You're both safe."

"Yes," I stroked the back of his neck and I knew that Carlisle was quickly running over my injuries in his head for Edward's benefit.

He sighed. "How could this happen? They were supposed to be keeping a close watch on him." He looked to Sue but it was Carlisle who spoke.

"No-one knew Bella and Abbey were going to be here, Edward."

Edward looked at Abbey again, his thumb stroking her chubby cheek, and I knew what he was thinking. A wolf tried to kill her, we could have lost her today.

He shook his head angrily. "That's not the point. We shouldn't have to check schedules with wolves! If Bella goes to the Thriftway, or into Port Angeles, or to _visit her father_ does she have to check Zeke's plans first?" He ran a hand roughly through his hair. "This means they're at risk every time they leave home without one of us."

I could see the fury building. I glanced at Esme and she understood, too.

"Let me take Abbey, Edward, while you talk about this with Bella. Charlie, Sue, would you like to help me find Abbey something to eat?" She gave them a pointed look and they all left the living room together.

And then Edward lost it.

"We did everything they asked! _Everything_! We stayed away, we obeyed the terms of the treaty!"

He was shouting as he paced, pulling his hands through his hair.

"Carlisle, you _treated their injuries_. I _repeatedly _trusted them with the most important thing in my _world_!" He held out a shaking hand towards me while he looked at his father. "I stood by and watched my _pregnant_ _wife_ parade in front of them just so they'd know I wasn't killing her!" Hand still extended, his long fingers curled into a fist and without looking, smashed it through the old flatscreen that still hung half off the wall. There was an explosion of glass as the screen dissolved onto the floor in a shower of black and silver.

Jasper was frowning hard and if he was trying to calm the mood it wasn't working. I thought I saw Rosalie roll her eyes.

"Edward, son ... ," Carlisle tried to soothe but right then Edward was beyond soothing. He hadn't finished yet.

"I didn't cross their fu... , their treaty line and _Lord knows _the number of times I struggled with _that _... how _close _I came, but I didn't. I _kept _our end of the agreement. But not any more." He was shaking his head as he made a dismissive gesture with his hands. "Not any more."

There was a second's peace as he stood at the end of the room, eyes black, his chest rising and falling with heavy breaths.

"So what happens with the treaty now?" Emmett looked from Edward to Carlisle.

"The treaty was broken when a wolf tried to kill _my wife_ and _my daughter_!"

Edward's voice was a roar and his eyes were dangerous as he slammed his open hand against the door frame. The wood buckled and splintered, the plaster around it cracked and broke as the wall shook. I gasped and his gaze shifted to meet mine. The hard, angry lines of his face fell and he crossed the room in two steps and pulled me to him again.

"I"m sorry, love, I'm sorry."

And I knew the sorry wasn't just for scaring me. It was for what had happened and it was because the protection of his wife and daughter had fallen to Jacob instead of him.

I stopped talking and looked over Edward's shoulder, feeling a little wary.

"Are you writing exactly what I say?"

"Mostly," he said. "I'm taking out the _um's_."

"Oh, good. I thought you might edit this part."

He shook his head. "No editing."

I'd wondered if this part of the story might have brought a fresh round of anger, but so far he seemed fine, which surprised me.

"You're okay with my interpretation of things?" I was wondering about the last lines in particular and he answered simply.

"It's all true. I was distraught and I'm sorry for the way I acted but, unfortunately, I can't change it."

He was looking down at the page, not at me, and I rested my head against his shoulder andstroked his neck.

"I love you," I said and he leant his head against mine."How come Jasper didn't do his thing while you were ... you know, like this." I pointed at the page.

"He did do his thing."

"It didn't work, then."

"No, it worked."

"Oh ... I don't get it."

He looked up from the pad and I could see the regret in his eyes. "Poor Charlie's lucky he still has a house." He gave me an apologetic half smile.

"Oh. You were _really_ angry, then."

"Mm hm. Understatement, Bella." He looked back down and started doodling in the corner of the page.

"But you're not now."

"Oh, yes I am. But not like before. I'm handling it, now." He shot me a smile and I smiled back. "As I said, I can't change things and my priority is you and Abbey." He leant in and nudged me with his nose, bringing his lips to mine. He kissed me slowly then whispered. "You and Abbey are my life."

Then he pulled back, took a deep breath and smiled. "So, what's next, Bella?" He raised the pencil over the page and I grinned.

"Mashed bananas."

And Edward groaned.

After Edward's display he apologised to Charlie and assured my Dad that all the damage would be taken care of. He apologised to Sue as well, letting her know he didn't hold her responsible for what happened with Zeke. Then everyone discreetly moved into the kitchen so Edward and I could have some alone time.

We curled up on the sofa. My body tucked in tight against his. My arms went around him and my head rested against his chest. His hands stroked my arms, my face, they played softly in my hair. We held each other like that, just being together, breathing each other in.

"How's the head?" he asked.

"Sore. But I was lucky, I'm surprised it wasn't a lot worse."

"Carlisle thinks you should have a scan."

"I know. I'll go when everything's settled down a bit here. Maybe tomorrow."

"You're not going to argue?"

"No."

He squeezed me gently and kissed my cheek.

The sounds of our family floated through from the kitchen - a murmur of voices. I knew Edward could hear every word and even though I couldn't, I knew they were discussing what should happen next. They were waiting to hear from La Push.

I knew what _I_ wanted to happen next and that was when I told Edward I wanted to change. I started listing the reasons before he could argue with me, ticking them off on my fingers; Abbey's safety, the whole danger magnet thing, the Volturi checking on me ... and then Edward stopped me. He wrapped his fingers around mine and kissed them. His eyes were gentle.

"Yes. I'll change you."

"Really?" He wasn't going to argue with me?

"I promised, remember? I'll change you whenever you want me to, no questions, no discussion."

And then I hugged him hard and a pain shot through my head. I rubbed my bump and his eyebrows came together in concern.

"Are you alright, love?" His fingers grazed softly over my bump.

"Sore head. How long until you can change me?"

He considered for a moment. "Well, after I've sorted out things in La Push, we'll put around an _Edward and Bella leave to go to college _story ... that will work for this time of year. You'll want to say goodbye to people, but Charlie won't be such an issue now. We still have the house in Alaska so the location is no problem. I'd say ... two weeks." He smiled but I was still stuck back on the first thing he said.

"What do you mean about La Push?"

Something flickered through his eyes, I wasn't sure what it was. There was a moment of silence before he spoke.

"Bella, I won't let this go. I _will_ fix this."

I was on alert now and moved out of his arms to sit up. Edward sat up too and I shifted so I could see his face. "What are you going to do, exactly?"

He didn't answer me straight away but his eyes darkened slightly as he stared into mine and I had a pretty good idea the fate that awaited Zeke. "He won't be a threat again."

And suddenly I was scared.

"No, Edward, please, can't we wait and see what Sam decides? You know he won't tolerate this and Jake won't either. Sue's already said he'll probably be sent away. He'll stop phasing then, he won't be a problem." I was trying to keep the fear out of my voice.

"Bella, he almost killed you and Abbey." Oh no, the deadly calm voice.

"I know, Edward, and I don't want him to get away with it either, believe me. But more than that I don't want to risk losing _you_. If you go down there to get him you know they won't just let you walk in and ... well, if things went too far, they would kill _you_."

I was breathless now, desperate to stop him doing something stupid.

Edward's eyes softened and a smile hinted at his lips. "They _can't_ kill me, love."

"They killed Laurent." I whimpered.

His eyes tightened then and his lips thinned.

"Please, Edward."

He was quiet for a while and he was chewing his lip as he stared at me. He was struggling, I knew that. So I said straight out what I was thinking.

"Edward, is it about revenge, or keeping us safe? Because soon we won't even be here, we'll be in Alaska and in two weeks I'll be like you and Abbey will never be vulnerable again."

The struggle peaked. His head fell back on his shoulders, he closed his eyes and exhaled sharply.

"Alright. I'll wait to see what Sam decides."

"Promise?"

He hesitated slightly but then dropped his face back to look at me.

"I promise I'll wait and see what Sam decides."

I nodded, recognising the qualification in that sentence and understanding what he meant. At that moment I knew it was the best I was going to get.

"Thank you, Edward."

I hugged him, resting my head back on his chest as his arms went around me again and he eased us back down onto the cushions. We stayed that way for a while, both of us calming, and then we heard Abbey grizzle from the kitchen.

Instantly, our moods shifted, everything else falling into the background.

"I'll go. You're supposed to be resting."

Edward smiled as he got up and left the room, returning a moment later with our daughter in one arm and a bowl of mashed banana and a toweling cloth in the other.

"Someone's hungry." Edward pulled up the footstool and sat opposite me. I took Abbey and sat her on my lap while Edward scooped up some of the banana onto the spoon. He touched it softly to her lips and she opened wide, gulping it down. He smiled and the energy in the room shifted again.

We needed this. This simple, domestic routine brought us back to ourselves. And while it emphasised how much we almost lost, it also showed us just how much we had.

"Open the cave, here comes the bat," he said, spiralling the spoon towards her as she giggled.

"What happened to here comes the aeroplane?"

"_Everyone _does the aeroplane, Bella," he smirked.

I rubbed my hand over Abbey's hair as Edward gently scraped some escaped banana from her chin and re-fed it to her. Suddenly I just wanted to be home, in our cottage, all the drama behind us.

"Edward, when she's eaten and we've cleaned up in here ... ," I glanced at the broken glass and plaster pieces scattered everywhere. "Can we go home? Charlie could come with us and stay until the house is fixed."

He smiled and nodded. "Sounds good."

"Dah!" Abbey grabbed for the spoon but Edward was too quick for her. She grizzled and waved her hand towards him.

"You want the spoon?" He wiped the excess banana off on the edge of the bowl and handed the spoon to her. She gurgled happily, waving it in her fist, then she quickly plunged it into the bowl, jerking it back up and spattering mashed banana all over Edward's face. He wrinkled up his nose, grinning, and Abbey giggled. Then she leaned forward on my lap, reaching out the spoon to him as he wiped his face clean on the toweling cloth.

"Dah!"

She wanted to feed him. This was her brand new game and I'd eaten my fair share of dribbly mashed apple that morning while Edward was hunting. I bit my lip, trying to stop the giggle that was begging to come out. Edward looked down at the mushy, brownish-yellow goop on the dribble covered spoon. His lips twisted and I wondered what he was going to do.

"Dah!" She leaned a little further forward. "Dah!" And Edward sighed, grinned at her and bent his head lower. He looked comical as he raised his eyebrows and opened his mouth and Abbey jabbed the food inside. He swallowed quickly and plastered a smile on his face.

"Mm, yum! Thank you."

Abbey giggled and my laugh finally broke free. Edward looked at me and narrowed his eyes, but he laughed, too.

"I'll remember this when we're in Alaska, love. You won't laugh, then."

He was no doubt right, Abbey would try to feed me again, but the laughter felt good right now, so I kept going. He grinned along with me.

Then surprisingly Edward sucked some more banana off his thumb and when I started to comment he quickly stuck the spoon in my mouth.

He grinned again and stood up, ducking out of the way before I could flick more mashed banana at him.

"Just wait till I'm stronger than you, Edward. Two weeks, just two weeks!"

We were both smiling as Edward finished writing.

"That's a memory I definitely want to keep. How did it taste?"

"Revolting and slimy."

"You say that about all human food."

"Because it's true. All human food is revolting and slimy."

"And yet you cook for me."

"Because I love you and I don't have to eat it."

Fair point.

"But you'd let Abbey feed you again, wouldn't you?"

"Yes."

My smile got wider. "You're a good dad, Edward."

He turned to me and his eyes were soft.

"Thank you," he whispered.

Then he flipped over to a new page and sat, pencil poised.

"I guess the next bit is Alice's vision," he sighed.

We'd been wiping ourselves clean of mashed banana when Edward's head snapped up towards the living room door. Alice stood there, eyes glazed over, clearly mid-vision. Her face wasn't just pale, it was ashen. Carlisle and Rosalie were with her, their faces worried.

I turned to Edward and his face matched Alice's.

"Edward?" I stepped towards him and Rosalie came forward and took Abbey from me.

"Let me take her for a bit," she said gently.

"Why, what is it?"

I turned back to Edward but he didn't speak, he just wrapped his arms around me, burying his face in my hair.

"Alice?" I looked up at her, scared, needing to understand. Finally she answered me and her voice was flat. "I see you collapsed on the floor of the cottage. You're ... dead."

I felt like I'd been hit by a truck.

"Why? When?" I mouthed the words, incapable of sound.

"I ... I don't know. Soon, tomorrow I think."

"No." It was the only thing I could think to say. "No."

Edward guided me over to the sofa. We sat down and he held my hands. I wanted to see his eyes but he was looking down, chewing his lip.

"It will be your head injury," Carlisle said suddenly, coming to sit beside us and looking into my eyes, looking for signs of ... something. "This can happen, people think they're alright and then a day or two later they suffer a brain hemorrhage or a blood clot. Alice, do you see anything if we take her to the hospital?" Carlisle had grabbed his bag now and was shining his torch in my eyes.

Alice crossed her legs and dropped gracefully to the floor with her eyes closed. It was the longest few seconds of my life. I wasn't breathing and I didn't dare think. Everything was suspended while I waited for Alice's next words. I knew they wouldn't be good when Edward groaned again and his head fell onto my shoulder.

"She dies during surgery for a brain hemorrhage."

There was silence then. No-one moved. Edward had stopped breathing.

I could hear Rosalie singing to Abbey, Emmett was talking to Charlie and Sue about football, obviously distracting them. Jasper appeared behind Alice and I felt a wave of calm wash over me, but my fear and panic were fighting it.

"What if I change her here, now?" Edward's voice shook and I could feel his lips trembling against the skin of my neck. His hands on my arms were shaking.

Alice zoned out again and Emmett's voice seemed far away and distant. The pounding in my head grew with my stress and I tried to stay calm.

Then Alice smiled and the air came out of Edward in a rush.

"Thank God," he murmured against me.

"That works," Alice smiled and a collective sigh of relief went around the room. "But it has to be here, today."

I sat motionless, relieved that I wasn't going to 'die', but trying to register that my change was about to happen right now.

"Why? It doesn't make sense." I wasn't asking anyone in particular but Carlisle answered.

"It's likely that a car journey would be enough to set something off," he murmured. He stood and started giving instructions while Edward held onto me like a lifeline. And then everything was activity.

I tried not to cry as I hugged Abbey and said goodbye. I was standing, Edward's arm was around my waist, and I kissed her cheek and she blew bubbles which dribbled onto my shirt. She rested her hand on my cheek and grinned.

"Mah!"

"I love you, too, Abbey. Mummy loves you too. I'll see you soon."

I blew a raspberry on her cheek to make her giggle and then Rosalie and Emmett hugged me before they took her home.

I wasn't sure what Carlisle explained to Charlie but he came in next.

"I'm not sure I understand everything that's going on yet, but Carlisle says I won't see you for a while, Bells."

I nodded, trying to smile in a relaxed, casual way. I was quite sure it wasn't working.

"But this is necessary, right? You'll be okay?"

I nodded and the tears slipped down my cheeks.

"I'll be fine," I choked out.

He nodded. "Emmett says it's just like going off to college. I'll see you at Christmas, or next summer?" He hugged me and I could feel the love he always had trouble saying. "Or whenever I can."

I nodded again as he held me.

"I know there's more I have to find out, but if you're with the Cullens I know you'll be alright."

His words meant everything and I threw my arms around him, which was kind of difficult because Edward still had his arm around me.

"I'll talk to you real soon, Dad. I'll call you and I'll see you as soon as I can."

"I know." He and Sue left with Esme. She'd take them back to the Cullen place and Charlie would learn more about what was happening. Poor Charlie. It was a big day for him too and I was glad everyone was so inclusive of Sue, for his sake. I was glad he had someone.

Jasper and Alice stayed with us and Carlisle rushed home to bring back morphine. He and Edward had a quick discussion about dosage and administration, hoping the drug would stop or reduce the pain of the transformation. I hoped it would keep me quiet and not alert the neighbours to anything out of the ordinary.

Then, everything was as much in place as it could be ... and Edward took my hand.

"Where would you like to do this?" his smile was sad. "Your old room?"

I nodded. "It seems right somehow, doesn't it."

He stroked my cheek with our joined fingers. "I guess it does."

He was leaning down to kiss me but suddenly he let go of my hand. Jake had come into the living room and in a lightning fast move Edward spun away from me, grabbed Jake by the throat and slammed him against the wall. Plaster fell from the ceiling.

"_You brought him into her father's house_," he hissed and Jake didn't protest Edward's words or actions.

"Edward, please." I tugged on his arm. "I'd be dead already if it wasn't for Jake."

"Edward," Carlisle's voice held a warning. Jasper was nearby, ready to do ... something, but I didn't feel him using his gift. Maybe he thought it was fair to let Edward have this.

There was a tense few seconds and then Edward released his grip. Jake rubbed at his neck.

"I'm so sorry, Bella, Edward." Jake's story came out in a rush. "I didn't know you'd be here. And he'd been getting so much better at controlling himself. But we still kept watch on him, he was never left alone, we made sure. Today was my turn with him ... I just, it was only going to take twenty minutes. I didn't know you'd be here."

I could hear the desperation in his voice. "I'm so sorry." Tears were starting in his eyes and I hugged him. "But you're all okay, right?"

"Abbey's fine," I said, not commenting on my own situation. Not yet.

"Where is Zeke now?" Edward asked and I wondered if Jake picked up the menace lurking under the surface of his tone.

"He's on his way to Canada with Jared and Paul." Jake stepped out of my hug. "He has family there, he won't be coming back."

I was watching Edward carefully. He was staring hard at Jacob and Jake was obviously uncomfortable under the scrutiny. I would have been, too - Edward's eyes were blazing.

"And we don't think he'll be able to phase again. The wound in his eye should've healed by now and it hasn't ... it's going to be blind." He shrugged. "Sam's wondering now if eyes are like the weak point of the werewolf."

"The Achilles heel," Edward smirked.

Jake nodded. "Something like that."

"Why will that effect his phasing?" Carlisle was interested.

"The gene won't work if there's any type of weakness. That's why we're made to heal so fast. Except the eyes, I guess." Jake shrugged again.

I looked at Edward, wondering, hoping, this would be enough for him. It was for me.

He took a breath and was focused on my hand which he held in his now.

"Jacob, Zeke's attack has meant Bella will need to be changed now, today," he said quietly.

Jake rocked back a little on his heels, as if distancing himself from what Edward was saying. His eyes became slits and he folded his arms across his chest as Edward continued.

"She's bleeding into her brain. If I don't change her she'll die." There was the slightest waver in his voice and I squeezed his hand.

Jake looked like he'd been hit. His expression changed from wary to horrified.

"I, Bella?"

I nodded. "It's true, Jake. From when I got pushed into the wall."

He shook his head slowly as he looked at me, then he rubbed his hands over his face. A second later he turned and smashed his fist into the wall, leaving a hole nearly as big as the one in the hall.

"My sentiments exactly," Edward said quietly, then he took a deep breath and squared his shoulders. "Jacob, your actions today mean I have the opportunity to save Bella, and I will still have my wife and daughter ... and I thank you for that." His voice was firm and sincere and Jake was his shaking his head. "But as my wife has effectively been killed by one of your own, the treaty no longer stands and there will be no repercussions for what I do here tonight." No room for argument.

Jake nodded and tears were shining in his eyes again. "Sam already agreed to lift the treaty. He was coming to see you all tonight." He whispered, his anguished eyes still on me though he spoke to Edward.

"There's no need," Edward said brusquely. "Although he and Billy might want to speak to Charlie and explain some things to him."

Jake nodded. "Yeah, they will."

Then Edward's face changed and he moved closer to Jacob, insisting on his attention. He spoke quietly and a shiver went through me at the menace his voice held.

"But you can let Sam know that if Zeke _ever_ comes back to La Push, if I ever come across him _anywhere,_ I'll remind him what happened and I will show no mercy."

Jake stared at Edward for a moment and then he nodded.

"I'll let Sam know."

Jacob left after that. There was another hug, a promise that he'd visit me if he could stomach the smell, and then he was gone. I kissed Alice, Japser and Carlisle and then Edward carried me upstairs. It was time.

"I guess that's everything," I said and Edward put the pad and pen down on the bedside table.

"Do you feel better?" He was pulling his fingers very gently through my hair as I lay next to him now, tucked in against his side.  
"I think so. It's like I've let the bad stuff go. I might take the memories with me, but not the feelings. Do you know what I mean?"

I looked up at him and could see that he did. Of course he did, he'd been through it himself, but it took him nearly a hundred years to get rid of his bad feelings.

"I know exactly what you mean," he said, kissing the top of my head. "But I want to know how are you feeling about me changing you like this?"

I laughed a little. "I don't know. I was shocked before when Alice had her vision but now it feels a bit like first night nerves or something. Like it's something I've been wanting and working towards and now suddenly it's here and even though I want it, I'm nervous." I paused and thought a little more. "But I'm excited, too." I looked up into his eyes. "What about you?"

He pushed his head back into the pillow and sighed as he closed his eyes. "How do I feel?" he said and then chuckled. "It's complicated."

"Tell me."

"Well, I think at first I was so angry about what happened that it clouded anything else. But now, I'm pushing that aside and I'm focusing on here and now."

"You're not dwelling?"

"I'm not dwelling. Not at the moment, anyway. No doubt it will come at some stage. I'll probably wallow, too." He winked at me and I laughed. "But I'll deal with it then."

My heart swelled for him. He'd come so far in the past year.

"But what I'm thinking now is ... you were right before when you said in some ways it's all good. Zeke is out of the picture and as much as revenge would be satisfying and sweet and would soothe my primal urges, you're right, there's no need for it." He shifted a little and I had the feeling he was still working on that one a bit. "You had already decided you were ready to be changed so the choice wasn't taken entirely out of your hands. And Charlie knows about us, about everything, so you don't have to cut him out of your life."

He wound some strands of my hair around his finger and kissed it.

"So, in answer to your question, how do I feel ... I'm nervous, I'm _very_ anxious about causing you any pain, but I'm also ... ," he paused and took a deep breath. "I'm also hopeful and happy and excited because very soon I'll have you to myself forever. Does that sound possessive?"

"Yes, but I don't mind." He smiled and lowered his face to kiss me. Then he nuzzled me gently with his nose.

"What are you thinking now?" he asked softly.

"It was so hard, saying goodbye to Abbey."

Edward shifted, propping himself up on his elbow and stroking my face.

"She'll remember you, love. And you'll remember her."

He'd known exactly where my thoughts had gone.

"But I'll look different."

He shrugged. "Probably. But she'll see past that. You'll still be you. She'll know you by your touch, by the love in your voice, the way you say her name, how you play with her." He nudged me with his shoulder. "The way you sing her the Wombles song and get the words wrong."

"I don't get the words wrong!"

He chuckled and I made a mental note to check the lyrics on the internet sometime. Exactly how much would he know about Wombles, anyway?

We lay there for a while as the sky got darker. His arms wound around me holding me close to him. He touched his bare foot to mine, nudging it playfully. I nudged back. he nudged again then ran his big toe slowly along the sole of my foot. I giggled and looked down to watch.

Instead of being slightly shorter, Edward's second toes were the same length as his big toes - I'd never really noticed that before.

"Were your toes like that when you were human?"

"Like what?" he lifted his head from where it lay on my chest now.

"Your second toes are as long as your big toes."

"Er, I don't know. Probably."

"So it didn't get fixed when you changed?"

"Fixed? I didn't know they were a problem." He sat up now, scowling at his toes as he wriggled them back and forth.

"No, they're not. I just thought any ... imperfections, were fixed."

"Are you saying I have imperfect toes?" He was pretending to be hurt and I laughed as his mouth kept twitching, trying to hide his smile.

"They're not as perfect as mine, see." I wriggled my toes, too.

But he didn't look. Instead he kissed me. "None of me is as perfect as you, love." Then he laughed at his corniness.

But a thought occurred to me.

"Will I still have this?" I pointed at James' scar on my wrist and Edward frowned a little.

"Yes. It will be less noticeable though."

"I thought the venom healed scars and wounds."

"From natural occurrences, yes. But vampire venom leaves permanent scars. I still have mine from when Carlisle changed me."

I wanted to see!

"Where? I've never noticed."

"You won't notice, human eyes can't detect them and they're only barely visible to other vampires. Jasper has lots of scars, you'll probably be a bit surprised when you see him."

"From his days with Maria?"

Edward nodded, his fingers moving on my wrist, tracing over the crescent shape with the jagged edge.

"So I'll have marks where you bite me?"

"Yes. But I'll be very neat, I promise." He gave an awkward smile and then he sighed and looked towards the window. The moon was shining and suddenly he tensed a little. Not a lot, just enough that I was aware.

"I think we should probably start the morphine now, love." His voice was low.

"Already?"

He swallowed. "I can hear a change in your blood flow. I think the bleeding has increased."

Instinctively, I touched my head. "I didn't feel anything."

His fingers gently covered mine. "You won't, not yet. And if we do this right, you won't get a chance to." He bent to kiss my forehead.

I nodded as my stomach clenched. This was what I wanted, but I was still nervous.

"Er, I wonder ... ," he looked towards the dresser. "Do you have anything here you could change into? Something more comfortable?" We both knew it was probably a futile gesture, but he was going to do everything he could to try and make this better.

"Top drawer. They're the clothes Alice wouldn't let me bring with me."

He smirked as he opened the drawer and pulled out my old t-shirt and the sweatpants with the holes in them. He held them up.

"You were wearing this the first night I came here." He was smiling but his voice was sad. His mood had shifted again.

"It will be alright, Edward." I grabbed his hand and squeezed.

"I know," he sighed. "I just ... I don't want to hurt you, but I know I will."

I pulled him down onto the bed with me and held his face in my hands while I looked him straight in the eye.

"I have no illusions, Edward. The morphine might work, it might not. If it doesn't, it's going to hurt both of us. But this is what I want ... even if it hurts, even without the brain thing." I put as much conviction into my voice as I could. "This is what I want. And I trust you." He studied me for a moment and I hoped he could see the trust in my eyes. I could see the love in his. He swallowed.

"It's what I want, too."

He helped me change my clothes, carefully pulling the t-shirt over my head, sliding the sweat pants up my legs. Then I laid down on the bed.

"Do you want to get under the covers?" he asked.

"Not yet."

He nodded and then picked up the syringe from the top of the dresser. I noticed his hand shook slightly. He took a quick breath and his lips moved slightly and I wondered if he was giving himself a pep talk. His hand steadied and he came to sit beside me.

I put the knuckle of my left index finger in my mouth and turned my head towards the window, eyes screwed shut.

"Are you alright, Bella?"

"Mm hm."

I couldn't see him but I heard him take a deep breath. "Um, your jugular would probably be the best place to inject this but ... ,"

I stopped him right there.

"Not in my neck. Not there ... I don't think I could handle a needle in the neck."

"As I thought," he nodded and I knew the irony of it didn't escape him. "Inside of the elbow, then?"

"Better." I turned my head towards the window again and put my knuckle back between my teeth.

I felt his fingers running over the inside of my arm.

"I'm just going to ... ,"

I pulled my finger out of my mouth. "Don't tell me, just do it."

I chewed on my knuckle again. There was pressure and then a sting which only lasted a second but the pressure continued for a little longer. Then I felt him pressing down as he pulled the needle out of my arm.

"All done," he said quietly and I turned back to look. He was sticking a band aid over the puncture and that made me smile.

He disposed of the syringe and then sat down on the bed.

"How long until it takes effect?"

He pulled his hand through his hair. "A little while." He brought his knees up under his chin, arms wrapped around his legs. He was watching me carefully.

"What will happen?"

"You'll feel relaxed, maybe drowsy. The pain in your head will go away."

"And then you'll bite me?"

He reached out to me and pulled me into his lap. I nestled against him, breathing him in and he let out a heavy sigh. "When you're ready, yes. And I won't leave you. I'll be here every moment, I'll talk to you about all the things we've done, who you are, things you've told me from before we met. I won't let you forget anything."

I snuggled deeper against him.

"What about Abbey. She shouldn't go three days without either of us." My heart was twisting just at the thought of it.

"I know, love. I'll ask Rosalie or Esme will bring her two or three times a day and they'll sit with you while I spend some time with her. But even so, I'll just be downstairs."

I nodded. That seemed okay.

"And when I wake up I'll be thirsty?"

"Yes."

"And you'll take me hunting?"

"Yes."

"But you won't let me see Abbey?"

"No."

I nodded, understanding, but he knew me too well.

"Bella, love, it's just until we're sure. We can assume her blood won't effect you, but as a newborn we don't want to assume too much. I don't think either of us would risk her that way."

"No, of course not. It's just ... how long before you'll let me see her?"

"We'll try after your first hunt."

We were quiet and I could feel the morphine was taking effect. The pain in my head was fading. Edward held one of my hands and his other was playing in my hair. It felt good and I closed my eyes as my body was becoming more relaxed and I sank deeper into his lap. His fingers pulled gently through the strands, twisting them around his fingers.

"Will Carlisle stay downstairs the whole time?"

"He'll come and go but he'll be here part of every day and night." His fingers moved to my jaw, stroking softly there. "They'll all take shifts, so someone will be downstairs all the time."

"What for?"

"In case we need anything."

"Moral support for you?"

He smiled. "That too."

His fingers trailed down to my neck and pushed my hair back over my shoulder, tucking it behind my ear, carefully.

My eyes shot open.

"What?" he asked, slowly drawing back his hand and looking wary.

"Nothing, just ... you moved my hair out of the way. You're getting me ready aren't you?" He was silent for a moment before he answered.

"Yes."

Then he looked a little sheepish. "Actually, it's more that I'm getting myself ready."

I cocked an eyebrow. "What do you mean?"

"Well, my body and my mind are so attuned to _not_ biting you, I'm giving myself permission to let the venom flow freely." He reached up very hesitantly, eyebrow raised in question, and at my nod he stroked his fingers over my neck again, slightly firmer this time, letting them rest on the pounding pulse of my jugular. His eyes fluttered closed and I saw the movement in his throat as he swallowed. Once, twice, three times.

"No performance anxiety, then?" I teased.

He swallowed a fourth time and dropped his hand. He smiled as he opened his eyes. "I don't think you'll ever have to worry about that, Bella," he said smoothly.

My mouth dropped open. He was teasing me back! At a time like this Edward was teasing me back! I grinned. I was so proud of my vampire.

He looked into my eyes and I could see the love there, but now there was something else.

"Edward, are you starting to wallow?"

His beautiful face creased up in a grimace. "Just a bit."

"Are you going to tell me about it?

He sighed. "Yes", but he didn't say anything else. I waited. Then it came out in a rush.

"What happened today means you get to keep Charlie, and I'm glad for that, but I still wish your change was completely on your terms. I know that you had alreay made your decision, but it should have been a time, a day of _your_ choosing, not because ... ," He paused and studied his hand on my leg.

"Edward?"

"I would have tried to make it special for you."

Oh, Edward. I shook my head.

"Don't do that," he was instantly worried and quickly stilled me with his hands.

"Sorry, forgot. But Edward, I'm actually glad it's happening like this."

His eyebrows came together in a frown. "You're glad you're dying of a brain haemorrhage?"

"Sort of, yes."

The eybrows went up. "This should be good. Go on."

I took a breath.

"I think, if you just changed me because I asked you to, even though we both want this, some little part of you, in some dark, tiny corner tucked away somewhere, would always feel like you'd _taken_ my life. And in that little corner you'd always feel a bit guilty and selfish. But this way, if you _don't _change me I'll die ... so in fact you're _saving_ my life, Edward. There'll be no need for corners." He'd had enough guilt - there would be no more.

He stared at me for a moment as if he hadn't understood what I'd said. Then he bowed his head.

"No corners," he whispered. He held me tight and I stroked his arm.

"But I'm curious, now, how would you have made it special?."

He chuckled lightly and tilted his head to one side.

"Well, I would have cooked for you ... your favourite food."

"Mm, what would you cook?"

"Um, mushroom ravioli?" He sounded uncertain.

"Good choice, Edward." Now he smiled.

"And I would have made love to you."

"Always good."

I ran my fingers through his hair as he bowed his head slightly.

"And I would have played for you if you wanted. Guitar or piano. Or both." Then his eyes widened and he seemed excited. He shifted me and started to get off the bed. "Actually, I can still do that. Jasper or Alice could go home and get ... ,"

I grabbed his hand and pulled him back..

"Edward, apart from the mushroom ravioli, we can still do those things after I'm changed."

For a moment he looked hurt and I wondered if I shouldn't have stopped him. But then the smile was back on his face and he climbed back onto the bed, pulling me into his lap again. "I know." And he kissed me.

"I mean, I will still _want_ to do those things, won't I?" I was thinking mainly of the love making and I think he understood.

"You will, but maybe not at first. Your main focus will be your thirst, as you know. But the other desires will resurface. How long, I don't know. Everyone's different."

I dropped my gaze. There was a question I wanted to ask but suddenly I felt shy. My blush, however, ratted me out.

He lifted my chin with gentle fingers and my eyes met his.

"What will sex be like?"

The corner of his mouth turned up in a smirk. "I don't know. I've never had sex with a vampire."

I rolled my eyes. "You know what I mean."

He lifted my hand and kissed it.

"Well, I won't have to hold back anymore. Physically, I will be able to give myself to you completely, all of me."

My heart skipped a bit. "You mean there's more?" I couldn't imagine it, but the thought was exciting.

"Lots more," he whispered, still looking at my hand. "And I'll be able to take you in all the ways I've imagined, all the places I've thought about ... if you're willing, of course." I was pretty sure I would be. And then he ducked his head lower and _he_ could have been blushing. "And it will be primal and raw ... and incredible."

A shiver ran through me and he was shy as he kissed my forehead and that made him all the more adorable and I thought my heart might burst.

He ran his lips from my forehead down to kiss my temple, my cheek. He shifted us easily so we were both lying down, our legs tangled, bodies as close together as we could get them. His lips moved to my mine. A long, slow kiss, soft and sweet. His hands were gentle on my back and in my hair. My hands rested against his chest.

"I love you," he whispered and his lips moved to my chin, my jaw. "I will always love you." He rolled me smoothly onto my back. He kept his arms around me as his lips grazed my neck. My heart was pounding. Excitement, anticipation, nervousness. This was it.

"Is this it?"

"Yes, it is."

My heart jumped. I'd been waiting two and a half years.

"Okay." I tried to calm my breathing and screwed my eyes shut.

"Are you ready, love?" I could feel his breath on my skin.

"Yeah, are you?"

"I am, yes."

I swallowed, eyes still shut. All was still and silent as I waited for him to start but I was surprised when I heard his soft voice again.

"Bella, please look at me, love. Open your eyes."

I did. His were staring straight into mine. They were darker now, almost black.

"I'm a selfish man, Bella." His voice cracked slightly. "_I_ want to be your last human memory."

Our gaze held and the love there was so powerful, so strong, I could feel it flowing between us. But the morphine was really taking hold and my eyelids were getting heavy. Slowly they were closing but Edward held our gaze until the last and just before they finally shut I saw his lips move as he mouthed one word ...

_forever. _

In the darkness I felt his lips on mine, then they glided along my jaw and down to my throat. His wet tongue swirled over the pulse there. He placed a kiss, soft and tender, then another swirl of his tongue and then, for the very first time, I felt his teeth.

They grazed lightly over my skin, smooth and hard as he lifted my hand and gripped it.

"Hold on," he whispered against the throb in my throat. I held on, my fingers curling through his.

"I love you, Edward. And thank you."

His fingers tightened slightly around mine. His lips pressed against my pulse point in one more kiss and then Edward's teeth sliced through my skin.

Searing, scalding pain.

Pain that wracked my body, making me arch off the bed. Pain that made me sob and snarl until my throat was raw.

Pain that defied morphine - the drug only served to make my muscles too heavy to thrash, and my lungs too heavy to scream.

I could track the venom as it burned through my body and I wanted to die.

But through the pain there was the voice.

The voice was always there, sometimes it changed, became lighter, softer, but mostly it was the same. Velvet, soothing, I couldn't always understand the words but as it spoke I would see things ... people, places, events. Sometimes the voice sang. Sometimes there was music. I came to depend on the voice, I clung to it like a life line. Without the voice I wouldn't survive this.

And then, perhaps a thousand years later, or it might have been a moment, the pain picked up. The burn intensified and I pleaded with the voice to kill me. The voice said no. I begged but the voice still said no. And then the voice told me I was nearly there, it was almost over. And there was a racing in my chest, something pounding fast and hard. And the burn was running to it, speeding towards the pounding and I knew when the two collided it would be the end - because nothing would survive that.

An almighty thump that rocked my body ... and everything stopped. The pain faded away. There was a flutter in my chest. On and off, the space between them getting longer, the sensation becoming weaker, until finally there was one single flutter, then one more, then nothing. My eyes opened and I took a breath.

"Help me!"

The fire was back, contained in my throat, and it was unbearable. Some part of my brain was telling me to control it, to master it, another part would killfor relief.

I sat up, gasping, my hands clutching my neck, the burn so strong it obliterated everything else - sight, sound, smell. And then something was at my lips, something hard and smooth. It seemed familiar, but wrong. A cup?

"Drink!" It was the voice and I drank.

And oh, the relief. The liquid flowed through my mouth and down my throat. Salty, sweet, thick and warm. I gulped and swallowed, but I could feel the supply was ending, it was a trickle now and I sucked desperately, angrily. The cup was snatched away but immediately a new one replaced it. I didn't need to be told this time and when it was gone there was another, then another and another. Finally, I'd drunk enough to soothe the burn, to ease it so it was just a vague sensation that could be ignored.

"Thank you," I gasped and for the first time I took in my surroundings.

And I was overwhelmed.

I could see every crack in the ceiling, every brush stroke in the paint. Every splinter in the wooden window sill. I heard a toilet flush somewhere. Further away someone was talking to a pet bird. I heard seed spill into the cage.

The room was familiar. Things started to settle into place. This was _my_ room, and memories started stirring. I tried to grab at them as they slowly began to sharpen and form.

And the scents and smells. Dozens of them, assaulting me, begging for attention.

I tried to sift through them, connect them with memories that flooded my brain. Some scents were faint, faded and I knew their meaning was insignificant - washing powder, shampoo, wood polish. I made the connections.

There was something familiar, and beautiful, which stirred more memories. And there was something dangerous I couldn't place. And there was another scent, something that tickled slightly at the dull burn in my throat, but still left it manageable. I was trying to place it, but I was distracted.

The voice.

So beautiful, it took my attention from everything else. The voice _was _everything. It was beauty, it was music, it was life, it was love. It said just one word.

My name.

"Bella."

Edward.

He was sitting on the end of the bed.

So beautiful.

I'd never really seen him before. Not like this. And I understood - my human eyes were not capable of seeing his real beauty, my human ears not capable of hearing the music that was his true voice, and my human heart had not been capable of holding so much love, because the love that coursed through my new body now when I looked at him would have been too much for a human heart to bear.

Images and memories overwhelmed me and some started to settle into place, like pieces of a puzzle.

Edward was a vampire and now, so was I.

So that meant what I just drank must have been ...

"Bella?"

He wasn't smiling. His face was weary and drawn, his eyes were wary and frightened.

Edward had suffered. And I knew why. While I'd been burning, so had he.

He reached out a tentative hand, eyes pleading.

"Bella?" he said my name again. "Bella, it's Edward, love."

I smiled. "I know," I said in a voice that wasn't mine and he smiled at my shock.

I reached out to meet his hand and his face relaxed a little. The tortured look faded away.

"You're Edward, I'm Bella. And Abbey's our daughter, is she alright?" My mind was jumping all over the place, noting everything about my surroundings while I sifted through memories and assessed Edward's mood. He was prone to moods, I remembered that.

"She's fine," he was smiling. "She's at home with Rosalie and Esme. Can you tell me what you remember about her?" His voice was cautious now, almost nervous but he needn't have worried, the image was strong.

"She has hair like yours and she's beautiful. And I love her." There was no fuzziness about that. That feeling was burned into my soul.

He gave a broken laugh, a mixture of relief, disbelief and joy. The lines of his face softened. He pulled a hand through his hair.

"What else do you remember?" he asked.

I took a second to process. "I remember our familes, the Cullens, and my Dad's Charlie, my Mom is Renee. We live in Forks and a psycho werewolf tried to kill Abbey and I got in the way." There was more but I was summarising.

"And you're wearing your Snoopy t-shirt." The visual cue served to put many of the puzzle pieces together. "I bought it for you, it's just for us."

"Yes," He was unbelievably happy and that made me happy.

Our fingers were touching, linking with each others slowly now.

"You're warm," I said.

"So are you," he smiled.

"You gave me blood to drink." A pile of empty thermos flasks littered the floor beside the bed. Their sides buckled and bent.

Edward nodded. "We realised while you were changing that this house was full of Charlie's scent. Your thirst would be so much worse, waking up surrounded by that and there are humans in the houses around here ... it would have been very difficult getting you away without you ... I didn't want to make things any harder for you."

I squeezed his hand and the action felt familiar. I squeezed again.

"How do you feel, now?" he asked.

"It's still there, but dull, like I can ignore it."

He seemed relieved to hear that.

"So what did I drink?"

He gave me a half smile and it shot through me like an arrow. Hundreds more memories went flying through my mind and if I'd had a beating heart it would have been beating out of my chest. I almost didn't register what he said.

"It was a deer. Emmett drained it for you. How did it taste?"

I shrugged. "Not bad. I still want to try a mountain lion, though. It's your favourite, right?"

His mouth dropped open a little. "You remembered that," he whispered.

I nodded. "It's weird. I still feel like _me_, and I have lots of memories, some are really clear but others are fuzzy. And everything's jumping around in my brain. It's like I've woken up from a really long, heavy sleep ... I know who I am and everything's there, I just have to put it together."

"It will seem that way for a while. He smiled at me but seemed surprised.

"What? Is that bad? Should I be doing better?"

"No! No, I'm amazed you're doing as well as you are." He sighed. "I was worried that at first we might have to get to know each other again."

I raised my eyebrows, giving him what I hoped was an _are you serious _face. Ihad the feeling I'd done that before.

"I didn't really believe that would be the case," he said and he inched a little closer.

"Things are falling into place," I said. "You talked to me while I was changing. And sang. And read." I noticed a guitar against the wall and copies of _Wuthering Heights_ and _Pride and Prejudice_ on the bedside table. "We bought the guitar in Seattle and the books are my favourites. _Wuthering Heights _is new because I read the old one to death."

"Yes," His thumbswere stroking tentatively over my fingers and his scent was intoxicating. And suddenly, I wanted him.

"I love you," I said and the look in his eyes was overwhelming.

"I love you, Bella," he sighed and I thought his voice might break. His fingers gripped mine now, hard. "I love you."

More images and memories floated through my mind and settled into place and suddenly, more than anything, I wanted him to hold me. I wanted to curl up in his lap like I knew I used to. I moved nearer and reached my arms around him, bringing myself closer but not realising my new strength. He fell off the bed backwards with me sprawled on top of him.

And he was laughing, now.

"Careful, love," he said as I gasped out a shocked _sorry_, but his smile was pure radiance. "I think we almost crashed through Charlie's floor." But he made no attempt to move. Instead he lifted a hand and smiling, pushed my hair back as he stared into my eyes. The love there was deep and endless and though my heart didn't beat, I could still feel other familiar sensations. The muscles in my abdomen clenched, I felt my throat tighten and my chest too.

Everything was coming back.

I brought my lips down to his, kissing him. I was trying to be gentle but as he wound his hands in my hair and held my face against his, I couldn't hold back. Our lips moved together urgently and there were tongues and nips and nibbles and no-one had to be careful any more. When at last I pulled back, just so I could look at him again, he was grinning and there was disbelief in his features.

"What?" I asked.

"I just didn't think you'd want me like this, not yet."

Ah, I remembered the conversation.

"I will always want you." Then I ducked my head. "But I've really been missing out, haven't I?"

"We both have," he said. "But not anymore."

Could his smile be any more smug?

He lifted his head as he pulled mine back down and kissed me again. More memories and thoughts swirled through my mind, some clearer than others, some only part of something else, but slowly sharpening and coming together.

"Can you read my mind?" I asked suddenly.

"No," his smile was wistful as he stroked my head. "Nothing. But I almost think I prefer it that way."

"Should we get off the floor?"

He looked a little surprised but then agreed and I realised I was jumping from thought to thought again. He'd told me it would be like this in the beginning.

I stood up and reached out a hand to him, but as I did something on my wrist caught my eye.

A faint, silver crescent, barely noticeable, but there, on my skin. I touched it with the finger of my other hand, feeling how smooth my skin was.

I'd always had a scar ... the memory was foggy, James. I didn't want that to sharpen, I let it go again.

"My scar's different. This one's larger, but neater."

"That's mine," Edward said softly. He stood and with his hand on my waist, brought me over gently to the bed. We sat down.

"I bit over the old one, that's why it's a bit bigger, but there's nothing of James left now." He looked at me, clearly wondering how much I remembered.

I smiled. "Thank you."

I looked at my other wrist where there was another, smaller crescent. My fingers went to my neck.

"Yes, there too," he said. "And your ankles, the insides of your elbows and thighs. They won't be noticed by human eyes and they're faint to vampire ones."

His hand was stroking gently over mine.

I looked at him and somehow, though my mind was closed to him, he knew what I was thinking. In a heartbreakingly graceful move he turned his head slowly over his left shoulder and tilted it down slightly. I knelt up on my knees and came closer. His eyes, like his face were cast down, and in this pose he was so beautiful, his long lashes dusting shadows on his cheeks. I tore my eyes away from his face, it was an effort, and looked at his neck. It's beautiful lines, the strong jaw. He was so still, waiting patiently as I studied him. Slowly I pushed his hair out of the way and there on his skin was a silver crescent, like the ones on my wrist. I touched it, softly, tenderly, running my finger along it. And then, I leant in and kissed it.

He turned back to me slowly, eyes wide with surprise. I smiled, then wondered if I'd just committed some breach of vampire etiquette. I sat back on my heels.

"Sorry, was that wrong?"

"No. No, that wasn't wrong," he smiled and reached out to touch my face.

And then suddenly I was off the bed and crouching by the wall. There was movement downstairs and some deep instinct awoke in me - self preservation.

"It's alright, love." Edward was standing again, hands up, eyes and voice cautious. "It's Alice and Jasper, Carlisle and Emmett."

I straightened before I even thought it.

"They were here all the time?"

"In different combinations ... everyone has been. They wanted to be in here when you woke, but I insisted they wait downstairs. I wanted it to just be us."

I smiled. That sounded right.

"It was just us when Abbey was born." I said.

He smiled and nodded. "Yes, it was."

A car, showers, a bean bag. And then I gasped as I remembered Edward's face as he delivered our daughter and held her for the first time. And we hadn't thought we'd have her, vampires weren't supposed to have children. And then more memories, further back.

I'd wanted him, he'd been reluctant. In the end ... my eyes narrowed as I grasped at the memory fluttering through my mind. I caught it and held on, letting it sharpen and solidify.

The meadow.

"You made love to me the first time in the meadow."

A soft smile started on Edward's lips that grew until he was beaming. But then a voice floated up from downstairs. It was familiar - Emmett.

"Whoa, it was outside, in the open! I always thought the deed was done here. Go, Edward!"

There was a whack, stone hitting stone.

"She can hear you now." Alice.

I ducked my head.

"I guess that secret's out," I said softly, embarrassed. I felt like I should be blushing, I even waited for the heat, but it didn't come. But the feelings were still there.

Edward shrugged a shoulder, his half smile in place. He almost seemed pleased with himself. He reached out his hand and I took it. Slowly, he pulled me to him, gauging my response. He discovered that I didn't mind.

Then my mind jumped back to our daughter.

"When can I see Abbey?"

"After you've hunted properly."

"Will you take me now?" I asked and then as he smirked I realised the double meaning of my words. "Hunting, I mean hunting."

"I know," he smiled and stroked my cheekbones with his thumbs as he held my face. "I'll take you hunting now."

Then he became a little more serious. "Love, when I open the door, you're senses will be flooded with Charlie's scent, and even the scent of werewolf."

Oh, of course. The _danger_ scent that had been nagging me. It was werewolf.

He dropped his hands from my face and rested them on my hips.

"You'll probably have a strong reaction, you might ... ," he was searching, I could see and I wanted to make it easier for him. A phrase came to me from before.

"I might go vamp?"

He let out a breath and nodded. "You might go vamp. Hopefully the blood you drank will be enough to get you through, but it might be a struggle to get you a safe distance into the woods." He looked down at his feet. "We don't want to be rough, Bella, but ... ."

He seemed worried. I rested my head against his chest. Ah yes, I'd been here before. I liked it here.

"I understand, Edward. You'll do what you need to."

He nodded but he seemed a little tense. He turned us so we were facing the door, his arm was clamped firmly around my waist.

"Oh," he said suddenly and dropped his arm. He moved over to a backpack in the corner and I watched him, completely baffled. He held up a hand, indicating for me to wait and I watched as he reached into the bag and brought out a dark blue shirt. He pulled Snoopy off over his head and quickly slid his arms into the sleeves of the shirt. He balled the t-shirt up and put it into the bag.

"Snoopy doesn't hunt," he winked at me and that little action brought a huge grin to my face.

"We'll save him for later," I winked back and then laughed at the shocked expression on his face. Then the shock softened and he bent down to kiss me gently.

"Are you ready?" he asked as he pulled back again.

I nodded. "Yes."

"We're ready," he said, only slightly louder than normal volume. I took a deep breath as I heard footsteps come up the stairs. I didn't need the air but I found the action calming, somehow.

Edward reached for the handle and opened the door.


	22. Chapter 22: Full Circle

**All things Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended.**

* * *

"Just keep holding your breath, love."

We walked down Charlie's stairs in procession, Emmett and Jasper in front, Carlisle and Alice behind. Edward's arm was wound firmly around my waist and I knew if he'd held me like that three days ago he would have crushed me. He was anxious to get me out of the house and deep into woods, far away. They all were.

The small amount of blood Edward had given me when I came out of my change had eased the burn in my throat but wouldn't be enough to keep me satisfied for long.

The burn was little more than a tickle now, but Charlie's scent would be stronger in the rest of the house and Edward was worried it could be enough to send me into a frenzy of blood lust. I'd been holding my breath since we stepped out of my room.

My mind had taken in many things in the single moment since Edward opened the bedroom door. As soon as I saw the vampires grouped on the landing near the bathroom I reacted, tensing, instinct telling me they were powerful predators, potential competition for food and territory. It took only a second for me to decide that, though Emmett was larger and stronger, Jasper was the biggest threat to me - his many battle scars, visible to my new eyes, bore testament to his fighting ability. Carlisle was clearly the leader, and a strong one, and Alice was quick, sharp and stealthy.

But although my vampire instincts told me to be wary, on my guard, my human instincts overrode that, and it took only one more second for me to calm and smile at my family, knowing they loved me as I loved them.

We moved quickly and though I could see the curiosity in everyone's eyes there had been little conversation.

Just Carlisle smiling, telling me hello and that he'd like to talk later, when I was ready. Emmett grinning and saying, "Whoa, look at you!" and Alice chastising her brother for not making me change my clothes before we left the room.

"Honestly, Edward. She's practically wearing rags!"

"The mountain lions won't care, Alice."

And there was Jasper, who was eyeing me carefully, assessing my mood and feelings. His experience with newborns meant he knew best what to expect from me, but he was clearly confused.

"She seems very ... together." He'd frowned and sounded almost suspicious as he walked backwards down the stairs so he could keep watch. "She should be far more erratic and jumpy than this, even with the blood she's already had."

His comment annoyed me and he responded to that emotion immediately. He bent quickly into a crouch, eyes darkening as they flicked to Alice behind me, obviously measuring the risk to her. Emmett mirrored him, looking confusedly from Jasper to Edward to me.

Edward rolled his eyes, obviously reading Jasper's thoughts.

"If she's upset it's probably because you're talking about her like she's not here," he said. My annoyance faded and a close-lipped smile crossed my face as Jasper straightened slowly out of his crouch.

"Sorry," he murmured, frowning.

As we moved through the house I was drenched with memories from childhood visits and the last two years. These were the stairs where Edward kissed me that first morning. At the bottom we moved into the hall where Zeke had attacked. Anger bubbled up in me, Jasper adopted a new defensive stance and Edward waved him back, understanding exactly what was happening.

"You're probably getting the same feelings from me, too, right now," he murmured darkly and Jasper smiled apologetically. And then I realised the damage was all gone and the hall, and living room, looked like nothing had happened.

"Esme's repaired everything," Edward explained, reading my face. "And we've ordered a new flatscreen. Charlie can move back in whenever he's ready."

In the kitchen my mood lightened again. This was where Edward and I had sat in soap suds and felt our baby move for the first time - and Charlie had learned I was pregnant. I gave a quick, closed-mouth laugh at the memory but it sounded a bit like a growl and everyone froze. Even Edward.

I opened my eyes wide in an obvious _What?_ expression as they looked first at me and then at Jasper.

"Er, she's okay. She's ... happy?" he said hesitantly.

I nodded and Edward's arm squeezed tighter around me as he let out a slow breath.

And while all this was going on I also knew that next door there was a football game on the television, a phone was ringing across the street and someone somewhere was playing _Smoke on the Water_ on a saxaphone - very badly.

We stood in a huddle by the backdoor. I still hadn't taken a breath and while it didn't really bother me I felt vulnerable without my sense of smell.

Edward turned to face me, his hands resting lightly on my hips.

"Alice, will you please go outside and check?" Jasper asked quietly and she nodded, grinning at me as she slipped past us.

"I can't see you having any problems, so enjoy, Bella!" She waved as she moved quickly towards the hall. A second later I heard the front door open and close.

I could sense Edward's anxiety as he looked into my eyes. He was nervous, concerned. His fingers were still on my hips, pressing and releasing against me over and over and I didn't think he was even aware he was doing it. Then he lifted one hand and made a total mess of his hair, pulling through the strands, bunching it in his fist. The action was both familiar and adorable and a smile fluttered at my lips as his eyes focussed intently on mine.

"Bella, love, we're going to open the door. The blood you've already had won't be enough to keep you controlled if we come across humans outside, so it's important you listen to what I say now."

He raised his eyebrows, asking if I understood, and I nodded. His anxiety was starting to rub off on me - just a little. I began to feel nervous and for the first time I was aware that there was no rhythmic thumping in my chest.

"You're doing extremely well so far, better than any of us would have expected. But I need you to keep holding your breath. Don't breathe until I tell you." He touched his fingers to mine. "I'll hold your hand and we'll run straight across the yard into the trees and we'll just keep on running until we're a safe distance away. We'll go deep into the Park and you'll be able to feed properly." He paused, exhaled, and ran a hand through his hair again. "And after that, we can see Abbey." He gripped my hand more tightly and I felt my face stretch with my smile. He smiled back. "Are you ready?"

I nodded.

Alice appeared at the window by the door, nodding and giving a thumbs-up signal. Emmett pulled open the door and Jasper and he launched themselves into the yard first, continuing their role as guards, presumably to protect any of Charlie's unsuspecting neighbours who chose to wander outside at the wrong moment. It was funny, like being in a spy movie, with secret missions and undercover intrigue. Edward looked amused, puzzled at the expression on my face but I smiled and shook my head. _Later_, I tried to tell him with my eyes. He nodded, understanding, and then we stepped out into the yard.

The weather was dewy, overcast. I'd grown accustomed to the house but now outside a whole new set of sensations overwhelmed me. Damp air on my skin, the many different shades of colour in the grass, the leaves, the clouds - shades I hadn't known existed. And so many sounds. My head was snapping back and forth, I didn't know where to focus my attention.

"Come on, love." Edward tugged at me urgently. "Run!"

My legs knew what to do without me even thinking about it. I'd never known such speed except on Edward's back, and then my eyes had usually been closed and the brunt of the wind had been broken by his body. But now, it was me.

And I was so graceful. I was jumping over logs and rocks, delighted with the way I could swerve and leap. It felt like gliding more than running and the feeling was exhilarating and thrilling as I dodged and weaved through trees. And though I knew to human eyes they would have been a blur of brown and green, my eyes saw every leaf, every knot in the wood.

In no time at all we'd made it into the Park, covering the distance in just minutes. Edward was watching me, not where he was going, but that was okay, I could understand now how that was possible. We were heading west, I could tell, but suddenly he changed direction, moving north instead. He still had hold of my hand and his eyes were cautious, like he wanted to relax and enjoy this too, but he wasn't sure yet whether he should.

But I was. I was enjoying it very much. I was running with Edward, _really_ running. It was amazing and I realised I felt comfortable in my body, like it was working _with_ me, not against me.

A bubble of joy swelled inside me and I was smiling, letting it grow into a grin, and then I was laughing.

"No, Bella!"

Edward's grip on my hand shifted to my wrist, jerking and holding me hard, while his other hand clamped firmly over my nose and mouth. But it was too late. I'd already smelt them.

With my laugh I'd taken in air. With the air I'd taken in scents. With the scents I'd breathed in moss and wood and grass ... and human.

I was snarling as I shook Edward off and my head whipped around, trying to find the source. And then I took off, back towards the way we'd come, then changing direction sharply, towards the east, as I followed the scent.

I was powering through the trees, desperate to get to the source of that aroma. The venom was flowing, my teeth were snapping, I wanted ... no, I _needed_ that blood. I could just faintly hear their heartbeats now and I knew they were about half a mile away. There were three of them, probably hikers. I even knew that two were men and one was a woman. I would be there in seconds and my lips would be tasting that sweet nectar.

I was fast ... but Edward was faster. I snarled back over my shoulder as he neared me, warning him off. I weaved, trying to put more distance between us, but he was too quick, too experienced for that. His powerful arms grabbed me around the hips as he tackled me to the ground.

We hit the dirt hard, driving a furrow deep into the soil, sending clods of earth in all directions as our bodies slid to a stop.

But as fast as Edward was, I was stronger. Way stronger. It took only the slightest flick of my legs and I'd thrown him off, sending him sprawling onto the ground, and I was running again. But he was still with me. Barely a second later he brought me down again, his whole body along the length of mine this time, pinning me to the ground, his hands hard on my wrists.

"Bella, no! NO!"

His voice.

_The voice._

The voice that brought me through the inferno of my change.

It had saved me then.

It was saving me now.

I stopped. I wasn't sure how I did it and I was shaking wildly with the effort, snarling and tossing my head like an animal in pain as two sides of my nature battled. I knew with another simple movement I would be out of his grasp and on my way to the blood that still called me.

But I didn't do it.

Instead, I stopped breathing.

With the human scent cut off I was able to think, and feel, more clearly - and what I felt now was fear and shame.

I let Edward pull me to my feet. My eyes flicked to his quickly and then dropped again as I saw the look of pure shock on his face. He grabbed my wrist and ran, dragging me away, deep into the forest and I kept my eyes down. Once his shock had worn off I didn't want to see the disappointment that I was sure would replace it.

I'd nearly killed a human, three of them, and when we finally stopped, maybe fifty miles away, I still couldn't bear to face Edward. I took a tentative breath, then another, deeper breath when I knew the air was clear.

"Bella, you .... ,"

I turned my back and waved him away, I didn't want him to look at me. I didn't want to see or hear his disappointment.

"Love, please ... ,"

I doubled over, hugging myself, the shock of what I'd nearly done hitting me hard. My words came out in a rush, punctuated with gasping, dry sobs as I spoke to the ground.

"I _wanted_ to kill them. It was ... all I could think about," I groaned in despair as I lifted my head. My stomach clenched, I wanted to retch and I was shaking again. "And I ... snarled at you, and kicked... at you ... I can't believe I did that ... I'm ... What's happened ... to me?"

I shot a quick look at him. His expression was torn, fighting between different emotions and I couldn't read him. I looked away again, gasping still. He took a tentative step closer and spoke gently.

"What's happened is ... you're a vampire."

"I'm a MONSTER!"

Edward froze, his face contorted into many levels of pain as I yelled. I bent back over, still gasping, sobbing and retching. I could see him in the periphery of my vision. He quickly settled his expression and his throat moved as he swallowed hard. His hands were clenching and unclenching at his sides.

"Bella, you're not a monster." He spoke firmly. "You ... _we_ are not monsters." And even through my anguish I recognised the significance of what he'd just said. My gasps slowed to gulps.

"What you felt, what you did, is natural. But it doesn't have to make you a monster."

"But you don't do it! Your family doesn't do it!" My whole body shook as he took another, cautious, step towards me.

"We've had a lot of years to practice, love. But we _have _done it, you know we have."

Another step closer. "But what we _couldn't_ do, is what _you _did just now, Bella."

I looked up at him, and his expression surprised me.

He was smiling now, eyes full of admiration and wonder.

And I was confused.

Bella, you _stopped_!"

What? I was frowning as his words spilled, fast and excited, from his lips as he pushed his hair back with both hands.

"Bella, you were amazing! I have no idea how you stopped yourself like that. No idea at all."

"But I _didn't _stop!" I burst out. "As soon as I smelt them I _couldn't _stop myself. Even now when I just _think_ about it my throat burns again." I paused and bit my lip, my hands moving up to grasp the smooth skin of my throat. "I still want them, _now_."

He was close enough now to touch me. He reached out a hesitant hand, placing it on my arm when he could see I wouldn't object. His fingers moved up to gently encircle my wrist.

"That's natural. It's part of what we are, but ... you _stopped._"

He kept saying that.

"Only because you tackled me." I stepped away, twisting my hand effortlessly from his grasp, and hung my head again.

He moved until he was in front of me and he bent his knees so our faces were level. Mine was still turned away. I couldn't look at him.

Very softly his fingers touched my chin and with the gentlest pressure turned my face back to his. He was smiling still, his eyes soft. He dropped his fingers from my chin and put his hands on my upper arms. I let him.

"Love, you're _two hours_ old. _Two hours!_ There's a good chance that right now you are the strongest person on the planet and I knew as soon as I grabbed you that _any _effort at restraint would be useless unless _you wanted_ to stop." He seemed excited again, eyes bright, lips grinning. "And you did. You held your breath and _let me drag you away_."

I didn't know what to say. He seemed so happy that he had to crash tackle his wife and drag her off through the trees to stop her killing innocent humans. I shook my head.

"But it was only because of your voice, Edward. Hearing your voice made me stop and ... for a second it made me think about _who_ I was, not _what_ I was. But if I hadn't heard you ..." I shuddered and looked away again as another horrible thought occurred to me. "What if they were people I knew? What if it was ... I don't know ..." I searched my erratic memories. "Jess? Or Mike!" I thought he went hiking sometimes.

Edward chuckled, straightening up as he did so. He reached out hesitantly and pulled me gently to him, wrapping his arms around me and rubbing soothing strokes over my back as my face pressed into his chest.

"Bella, Alice will be wearing Wal-Mart before Jessica goes hiking, and if it was Newton, well..." He shrugged. "I might have let you bag _one_ human."

I gasped, pulling back from him. "Edward!"

"See, the idea shocks you now!" He grinned, but at my scowl he became more serious. "Bella, if you'd _really _wanted them, my voice wouldn't have been enough to stop you."

I was about to argue with him, but really, I had no argument. So instead I was quiet, taking it all in. I couldn't deny the fact of what happened - I _had_ stopped.

"So, I'm doing okay, then?"

He laughed and it sounded relieved and happy. "You are doing unbelievably well, love. I didn't expect you to be like this for ... months." He grinned. "But then you never have done what I expect."

The smallest of smiles tugged at my lips and just as I was about to speak a new scent floated through the air.

Our heads snapped around to the north.

"You smell that?" he asked, his eyes bright and I nodded. It was a rich scent, musky, and the venom started filling my mouth. It wasn't human, but it was good.

"Mountain lion," he said.

I was surprised, had we really run that far? I knew he usually needed to travel further afield for his favourite food.

"Where are we?" I looked around for a clue. I knew exactly the direction we'd come from, but wasn't sure where we were.

"Canada's not too far away," and he smiled at my shock. Then his eyes became very soft, and warm. He held out his hand to me, palm up, and cocked his head to the side.

"Bella, may I take you to dinner?"

The mountain lion stood by a creek. He sensed us before he saw us and turned tail, fleeing, tearing up the forest floor as he sought escape from a predator more powerful and dangerous.

"You'll catch him," Edward said calmly. "Just close your eyes, let your instincts take over, love."

I did as he said and suddenly I was running again, chasing it down. The venom flowed and Edward ran with me, staying behind just a little. It wasn't long at all until I was within reach of the animal and I pushed off from the ground and grabbed it by the neck, pulling it down with me. I landed underneath it and its jaw snapped and bit at me in panic while its paws clawed and scratched.

I was snarling and I could hear the throb of the blood through its veins, its wildly-beating heart pumping it almost harder than it could handle. I could see it pulsing under the skin. I wriggled myself until I was in a better position, we were almost lying beside each other, and I began to lower my mouth. Its front paws I had under control, pinned down by my embrace, but its back claws scraped uselessly at my skin, sliding off without finding purchase, as it thrashed, pushing and kicking at my body as it snarled. I barely noticed.

Edward came forward and my head snapped up. Some instinct told me to warn him off, but I stopped myself - this was Edward, he meant me no harm. His eyes were cautious as they held mine and he bent down to grab hold of the lion's back legs, keeping them still for me. I looked back at my prey, lowered my face again to the throbbing ridge under the skin ... and bit.

The blood shot into my mouth in a gush, surprising me, and I sputtered a little before the initial rush eased off and then I was sucking, pulling the liquid into my mouth.

It was better than the blood I'd had at the house. This was richer, sweeter and hotter and the burn in my throat was soothing already. The animal stilled quickly and Edward let go of its legs and moved away.

I drank easily, enjoying the warmth of the blood filling my belly. After a few minutes the flow eased off and I had to pull harder to draw the blood up and into my mouth. But the muscles of my neck and jaw were strong, and though I knew I was making more effort, it didn't feel that way. The flow reduced to a trickle and then animal was empty. I pushed it off me, feeling somewhat satisfied, but not yet full.

"How did I do?" I wiped the back of my hand across my mouth. Edward was leaning against a tree, hands in pockets, watching me closely.

"You did very well," he said, pushing off from the trunk and coming closer. I noticed how dark his eyes were. "How did it taste?"

"Good. Better than the deer I had at Charlie's."

He nodded. "It's a carnivore, they always taste better." He crouched down beside me and tucked some hair out of my face, smiling. Then he took my hand, looking at the blood streaked across my skin from where I'd wiped my mouth.

He lifted my hand, I thought perhaps to kiss it, but instead he watched my face closely as he opened his lips and ran his tongue slowly over my skin, licking the blood away. My eyes widened as his darkened almost to black and if my heart was alive it would have been beating wildly. In its place a raw energy hummed through my body, making it tingle.

"Um, um, what about you?" I swallowed hard. "Should I have shared?" I didn't know the etiquette, maybe that's what his action was trying to tell me. Was keeping the mountain lion all to myself like hogging all the food at a buffet?

"No, we don't normally share." He bent his head over my hand again and this time he did kiss it, smiling as he did so.

And then a fresh scent wafted around us.

"There are more further in, can you smell them?"

I nodded. He smiled and stood up, pulling me with him.

"Come on, you've waited a long time to see this."

The anticipation of watching Edward hunt was exciting. Actually seeing him do it was incredible. My fingers dug deep into the dirt as I crouched by a boulder, watching in awe.

He was so graceful, like a dancer. He sprang effortlessly at the lion, embracing it around the neck and bringing it to the ground in movements lithe and fluid. The lion crumpled onto the dirt, its legs buckled beneath it, and Edward rolled it onto its side, giving himself easier access to its neck. And while part of my brain was taking in all the excitement and beauty of his moves, another part made a careful study of what he did.

He was snarling as he crouched, one leg stretched out, holding down the back legs of his prey. One arm was around its shoulders while the other pushed its head away from him, stretching the neck out, clearly displaying the throbbing artery beneath the skin. Venom was filling my mouth and I realised I was licking my lips. A rush of heat washed through me as Edward's black eyes locked with mine over the body of the animal and his lips curled back revealing a mouthful of white teeth glistening with venom. Then he closed his eyes and dropped his head, striking quickly. The animal squealed, bucked and quivered, becoming still as Edward's mouth pressed firmly over its throat.

The cords of Edward's neck were taught, straining, his shoulders moving rhythmically and I could see the powerful muscles of his throat tensing and releasing as he sucked, drawing the blood up through his lips as they moved in a regular, pushing motion against the animal's neck.

He was quieter than me, and faster.

A moment later he pulled back and rolled the carcass away. His face was clean, his hands too, as he stood up and came to me, brushing some dirt from his pants.

"That was amazing," I said and he smiled.

"Thank you."

"I must remember that with the legs, to keep them still."

"It helps."

I was about to say something, but a new, different scent, soft and delicate, curled through the air.

"What's that?"

"Deer. Are you full?"

I shook my head and Edward held his hand out to me.

"Then lets go get dessert."

I was finally satisfied as I pushed the third deer off me. I stood and looked down at myself, covered in blood, clothes torn, they really did look like rags now, and wiped the back of my hand across my face again.

"I'm a messy eater," I said, offering a weak smile as Edward approached, barely a rumple in his shirt.

He sat on the ground with his back against a tree. I stood, facing him, but my eyes were everywhere else, darting quick looks into the canopy above us, through the trees beyond and behind, listening to every sound, picking up every smell, seeing every flicker of movement. I knew my head was snapping back and forth as I registered each new stimulus, assessing them for potential threat.

"I'm the most dangerous thing out here, aren't I?" I wasn't sure how that made me feel.

"You are, yes."

"Even more than you."

"Yes."

He reached out to take my hand, tugging on it gently.

"Will you sit with me?"

At his touch my jumpiness quietened and I sat down beside him in a sharp, jerky move. He smiled and motioned with his head towards his lap. I smiled back and laid down, nestling my head into him. I felt calmer here and I smiled again as I tried to brush some of the residue from my clothes. I didn't want to get more dirt on him.

"We're all messy at first," he said. "You'll get neater, but for a first meal you did well."

I snorted. "Yeah, look at me." Ripped clothes, hair a scramble of twigs and leaves. "Do I still have blood on my face?"

"Just a little." He licked his thumb and wiped it near the corner of my mouth as I rolled my eyes and groaned. "Love, the first time I went hunting I came home, well, I came home practically naked, covered in blood and dirt."

"Really?." An interesting visual formed in my vampire brain. A very pleasant, interesting visual.

He shrugged one shoulder. "Not completely naked, but the few shreds left didn't provide much cover."

"How come?" What I'd just seen was so elegant and graceful.

"I was a little too ambitious. I started with a grizzly, he put up a fight. I was stronger, of course, but my clothes were shredded."

"Was Carlisle with you?"

He grimaced at the memory.

"Yes. And that was the worst of it ... I was with Carlisle. It was very embarrassing." Even now, nearly ninety years later, I could feel his embarrassment at that memory.

But he smiled and started to stroke my face and hair, pulling out some of the twigs and leaves, pieces of grass.

His touch was comforting, it made me feel safe and secure and, combined with my full belly, it helped my mind settle and calm. He didn't feel like stone anymore, my head rested comfortably in his lap and his warm fingers stroked my brow while his other hand rested on my stomach.

"Edward, before, when I smelt those humans, is that how it felt for you when you were around me?"

"Yes."

"But worse because my blood called to you?"

"Most likely."

A wave of guilt and remorse washed over me. I shook my head and fisted my hands in my eyes.

"And I kept pushing you for more, I tried to make you go further ..." I trailed off, still shaking my head but Edward just shrugged. "I didn't understand."

"I know you didn't, love."

I opened my eyes and looked into his. "You tried to tell me, but I wouldn't listen. I'm so sorry."

"Don't be. I was an equal participant."

He smiled and kept stroking my face - such gentle fingers. My eyes closed.

"What are you thinking?" he asked.

I screwed up my face as I considered. "Well, I feel a bit more settled now. At first, everything was just ... everything! There was so much and I had to fit it all in it's right place. Who fitted where, what memory went with what. And there are still more memories coming, just out of nowhere, they appear, and I remember stuff. And all the sounds, all the smells around me. It's like my mind was jumping from thing to thing without any connection. It's still going on like that, but it's calmed down a bit." I opened my eyes to look into his. "But I didn't think I'd feel so much like myself, but I do."

He smiled. "I told you." He tugged gently at a particularly stubborn twig in my hair.

"Can I see Abbey now?"

"Soon. Just give yourself a chance to settle a little bit more."

I nodded. Good idea. "You saw her every day?"

"Every day, twice a day. Someone would bring her and I'd give her her lunch and her dinner and read her a story."

"Good."

My eyes fluttered closed as he stroked my cheek. The warmth from his hand on my stomach was radiating through me now - it was comforting, calming.

"How's Charlie?" I asked suddenly.

"He's fine, all things considered."

"Does he know, about ... me? I mean, _exactly _what's happened to me? That I'm a vampire now?"

"He does. He knows everything."

I swallowed. "And?"

"And he's glad and grateful to have you still ... even if he can't see you for a while."

"Really?"

"Really. Although, if today is any indication, I don't think it will be as long as we originally thought before you see him again."

I wasn't sure about that, so I didn't comment. The earlier incident was too fresh in my mind.

"Is he at La Push?"

Edward nodded. "He's staying with Billy and trying to work out how he can have Zeke arrested and locked up for life."

I laughed and so did Edward. "Can he do that?"

"Well, he'd like to. But really he's accepted Zeke's punishment like we have. He can't phase anymore and he won't come back to La Push, it's probably the best we can expect." But I knew, from the memory of a conversation and just from my knowledge of Edward, that he still entertained visions of ripping Zeke's head off. "Sam met with Carlisle two days ago. There's no more treaty, the wolves have apologised without reservation ... I guess we're all just one big happy family now." He smiled but his last words were laced with just a hint of bitterness.

I was thoughtful for a moment as I remembered that afternoon, three days before.

"Charlie's okay with Billy and the wolves and ... vampires, and everything, then?"

"He seems to be. He was annoyed that Billy hadn't let him in on the secret before, though." His beautiful face creased into a frown. "Naturally he was very distressed when Esme and Carlisle explained the full situation around your change and about the brain hemorrhage. He was angry at first that we didn't take you to the hospital, he thought perhaps you could have been saved ... apparently out of everything he struggled most with the idea of Alice's visions."

I snorted. "Vampires and werewolves? Yeah, sure, why not? But seeing the future? No way!"

Edward shrugged. "I guess he could _see _the wolves, and us. Visions aren't so tangible."

"I think it's more that it would have reminded him of Renee." Edward raised a curious eyebrow. "There was a time when she used to visit psychics ... Charlie disapproved."

"And you remember that?" A corner of his mouth turned up in pleased surprise.

"Er, yeah, I do." I hadn't even had to concentrate. "And you wouldn't have known to talk to me about that, either."

Edward stroked his fingers over my forehead. "You're doing so well, Bella," he smiled.

I started to smile back but my mind did a jump and instead I blurted out a question.

"What will we tell Renee?"

Edward sighed and dropped his head back against the trunk of the tree. The column of his throat was open and exposed and some deep, primal instinct told me he was putting himself in a very vulnerable position. Such a simple thing, I wouldn't have thought about it twice as a human, but now I realised the trust he must have in me to expose himself that way to a newborn. And I also realised that the same instinct had stirred in me earlier, back in my room, when he'd turned and bent his head so I could see the scar from his transformation. I'd seen his action as something graceful, physically beautiful, but hadn't fully recognised it for what it was. The depth of his trust in me was amazing. It was beautiful.

"Bella? Is that alright with you?"

I startled. I'd been so engrossed in my realisation, in watching his throat move as he spoke, that I'd not registered what he'd said. He dropped his face back to look at me, puzzled.

"Sorry, I was a million miles away. Will you say it again?"

"Must have been quite a distraction?"

"Yeah, it was."

He arched an eyebrow in question.

"Edward, when you show me your throat like that," I arched my neck a little in demonstration. "Do you feel ... ," I wasn't sure how to phrase it.

"Do I feel in danger?"

I nodded and started biting my lip. Edward smiled and touched his finger to my mouth.

"Just like you used to," he whispered before pulling his hand away and answering my question. "My vampire nature tells me not to expose myself like that to a newborn. But you're my wife, my mate ... you're Bella, and that overrides all my other instincts."

I smiled. "I'm your mate." I liked the sound of that.

"Yes," he pushed some hair off my forehead, smiling. "You are."

"Edward?"

"Yes?"

"I love you."

He smiled. "I know. Good, isn't it?"

And he leant his head back against the tree trunk again while I giggled.

"About Renee," he said. "I was saying that we can probably get away with phone calls and emails with Renee for a while. We can do the college story and send her photos of Abbey. I don't think we need to worry about any other subterfuge until we have to."

I nodded. "Do I look very different?" I hadn't seen myself yet and my hand moved to my face.

"I don't think so," his eyes were very warm and I smiled at him as his finger traced my cheekbones.

"So Charlie knows about the brain thing, but he doesn't realise I would have changed anyway, even without that?" My mind had jumped back to my father again.

"No. He thinks your change only came about through necessity ... and I can't see any reason to tell him otherwise."

His gaze was open, unapologetic, and I nodded my agreement.

"I thought perhaps, when we get home you could call him, tell him you're alright. Let him know his house is ready."

I was smiling. "I'd like that."

His hand was still on my cheek and I turned my face and kissed his palm and his thumb stroked along my cheek bone. A new heat started to rise within me, a warm energy started to tingle and hum through my body. I'd felt it back in my old room, and again when he'd licked blood from my hand, and when I'd watched him hunt, but each time it was pushed aside by other, more immediate needs, but now it was back ... and building.

I reached up and put my hand on the back of his head and pulled him down to me. Our lips met and the heat became fire as it raced through me and I liked it.

I wanted him, and I was quite sure he wanted me, though he was letting me lead, still holding back a little. And I was torn.

I wanted him, but I wanted to see Abbey, and I was pretty sure if we started something here we wouldn't be getting home any time soon.

I pulled my lips away - we had eternity, after all.

"Can we go home? Can I see Abbey now?"

He touched his fingers to my lips and smiled his crooked smile.

"Yes."

We ran again and it was exhilarating, exciting, thrilling. Edward kept pace with me, even though I knew he could over take me, and despite the distance we'd gone it wasn't long before we were approaching home.

But as the cottage came into sight I froze and looked down at myself.

"Abbey can't see me like this."

Edward chuckled. "We'll clean up first. Come on."

As soon as I stepped through the door it felt like I'd never left. So many memories, so much love, all there, sharp and clear.

"I was human last time I was here," I murmured as my hand stroked over the back of the sofa. One of Abbey's blankets was on the comfy chair, some of her story books on the coffee table.

"You were _Bella_ last time you were here, and you're Bella now."

I nodded and smiled. "I know." I took a deep breath.

"I can smell her."

Edward's eyes brightened but they were cautious. "And ... ?"

I took another breath, deeper this time.

"She smells just like Abbey," I smiled and he grinned, relief written clearly across his face. "The scent is strong, she was here just a while ago, but ... ," I sniffed again. "Nothing."

"Bella," he breathed and came forward to hold me in his arms. "It's as we hoped." His lips pressed softly against mine before he pulled away and headed, smiling, for the bathroom. "Shower or bath?" he asked.

"Shower, I'm in a hurry."

Edward left me alone as I stripped off and cleaned up. My muscles remembered how good warm water felt and I sighed as I stepped into the stream. I washed quickly and shampooed my hair. Through the rushing water I could make out Alice's voice.

"Trust me, Edward, she's a size smaller now, like she was before she was pregnant, she'll need these."

Clothes. Trust Alice to think of that. More memories came back - she'd probably done a mercy dash to Port Angeles after we left Charlie's.

I smiled to myself as I reached out to turn off the tap. My fingers closed around it but my new strength was still foreign to me and it snapped off in my hand.

"Oh!" I'd obviously have to be more careful.

"Bella?" Edward's anxious voice. I rolled my eyes. Even now, when I was indestructible he was still worrying about me.

"I'm alright," I said as I shut the water off and stepped out, wrapping myself in a towel. I put the tap on the sink while I dried off.

I heard their conversation continue - Alice asking about my first hunt, Edward explaining my near-miss and how I'd recovered myself. I smiled at the sound of pride and amazement in his voice as I bent down to rub my legs. Alice was also amazed. And annoyed.

"How did I not see that coming?" I heard her mumble before she knocked on the bathroom door. "Bella, I have some new clothes for you. Do you want me to bring them in?"

"No, no I'll come out."

I tightened the towel around me and opened the door.

"You're just stunning," she grinned at me. "Even with the wet hair." .

"Am I? I haven't looked yet."

Her mouth dropped open in shock. "I can believe that my brother didn't think to show you your reflection when you first woke up," and here she shot Edward a look as he shrugged. "But didn't you look in the bathroom mirror?"

I shrugged too as I shook my head.

"I just didn't think of it. I'm kind of rushing to see Abbey and I've never been much for mirrors anyway. Have I?" I checked with Edward who smiled at me.

"No, you haven't," he said. I noticed his eyes move over me quickly in a very appreciative glance that I recognised well. He realised and ducked his head, embarrassed at being caught. I smiled and Alice rolled her eyes.

"When you two have finished ... ,"

She grabbed my arm and marched me into the bedroom. The guitar was back in place, my books too. I was home. In some ways it felt like nothing had happened.

"There," she pointed to some shirts and pants, a skirt, laid out on the bed. "We can get you more, these are just a start."

Yep, just like nothing had happened.

"Okay, thanks."

Edward was standing in the doorway, watching, a smile on his face and wonder in his eyes as Alice turned me to the mirror.

"Now ... look!"

The woman I saw was breathtakingly beautiful, I could see that, but the eyes shocked me and I gasped at that more than the overall picture. Edward stepped forward, resting his hand on the small of my back, understanding.

"They'll fade, love," he said softly. "The colour will start losing some of its vibrancy in a month or so."

"How long till they're like yours?" I reached out an elegant hand to touch the glass.

"Everyone's different, but within the year."

I nodded. "Will it frighten Abbey? Should I wear sunglasses?"

He shared a quick look with Alice.

"She'll notice, it might ... startle her, but she'll know it's you, love." I knew he believed that, I hoped he was right.

Apart from the eyes my hair was much the same colour, but seemed thicker, glossier, with more of a wave. My skin was paler, luminous and smooth like silk, but my features seemed enhanced, rather than changed. I could still see _me_ in the shape of my eyes and mouth. My nose was a little more streamline, perhaps my cheekbones better defined, but I still had my heart-shaped face.

Alice was bouncing on the balls of her feet.

"See, you're gorgeous, _dazzling_," she gushed and I smiled as the memory of a sketch came to mind. My eyes flickered to the dresser where it was kept, rolled up carefully, in what I knew was Edward's box of special things. Then my eyes found Edward's.

"I know, Alice. I always have been."

I could hear Abbey's heart beat and smell her scent as we approached the house. I quickened my pace and Edward sped up with me, his thumb stroking over the skin of my hand.

Emmett and Jasper stood at the bottom of the front steps. Carlisle, Alice and Esme were on the middle steps, Rosalie stood at the top, in front of the door, Abbey in her arms.

I made a sound, part choke, part gasp when I saw her. She was in her jumpsuit with the bunnies on it, chewing on a set of plastic keys. I was aware of Jasper's stance, his expression, as he monitored me closely, but I didn't care.

"It's alright, Jasper." Edward's voice was smiling. "Abbey's scent in the cottage had no effect on her." And everyone seemed to visibly relax as I came closer, up the steps to stand in front of Rosalie.

"She's missed you," Rosalie said softly and I nodded. I'd missed her, too.

"Abbey?" I spoke softly and smiled. "Abbey, it's mummy."

I could see every eyelash, every strand of her wispy, bronze hair. She'd recently had a bottle of milk, I could smell it on her and hear it gurgling in her tummy.

She stared, frowning at my eyes and I swallowed, terrified she might cry and bury her head into Rosalie for comfort. I didn't know what I'd do if that happened. From the corner of my eye I saw Jasper take a few steps up towards me. I took a deep breath and let the anxiety go and he backed off again.

"Abbey?"

She was studying me and I reached out carefully and touched her cheek, just like I always did, making sure to adjust the movement so I didn't hurt her. She wasn't as delicate as a human baby, but nowhere near as unbreakable as a vampire. I saw something register in her eyes, then her nostrils flared, just like I'd seen Edward's do at times, and then she grinned.

"Mah!" She reached out to me and I let out a sob.

"Gently, love," Edward was behind me. Carefully, I pulled her into my arms and hugged her close.

I plastered kisses over her hair and stroked her cheek. Esme clapped her hands and so did Alice. Rosalie smiled and I wasn't sure what the others were doing because I was too busy staring at my beautiful daughter.

But I felt Edward's arms go around us both.

"Did you see her nostrils flare? Just like us." He sounded excited. "She recognises your scent and when you touched her, I saw it in her mind, she made the connection with the human you."

"You were right," I whispered, staring at the gorgeous creature in my arms as she dropped her keys and tugged at my hair and I sighed into this perfect moment of being wrapped in and around the two people I loved most.

I sat on the sofa in the Cullens' living room. I held Abbey on my lap, tucking her tight against me, while everyone gave me details of her last three days - the naps she'd had, the toys she'd played with, the books they'd read. How she was brought to Charlie's twice a day to visit with Edward. The bedtime songs from Rosalie, the morning cuddles from Esme and Carlisle. The walks outside with Alice and Jasper. And watching Mary Poppins with Emmett - again.

Edward was sitting beside me. He had one arm firmly around my shoulders, holding me close, while his hand played with Abbey's feet. Once I was updated about Abbey he was eager to tell everyone about my first hunt in detail. As he explained about the humans I'd nearly ripped apart in my blood lust he sat up straighter, then stood, demonstrating how I'd let him pull me away. Their surprise and amazement embarrassed me.

"I've never encountered a newborn so controlled," Jasper was shaking his head. "I don't know how ... I keep waiting for the snap."

I looked up suddenly. Could I snap? Was today a fluke and tomorrow I'd be a ravenous newborn that had to be guarded every second?

"I don't think there will be a snap," Carlisle said. "All of us were changed suddenly, without warning. We didn't know what was happening to us and mostly we woke up with strangers in unfamiliar surroundings." They all nodded, their faces serious. "Bella's had so much preparation and she's woken in the heart of her family, in her usual environment ... it seems she hasn't needed to make the same adjustment the rest of us did."

"I still wouldn't like to come across another human anytime soon," I spoke up before they all got too carried away.

"Of course," Carlisle smiled. "But still, the fact that you were able to stop yourself _at all_ after only a couple of hours ... that's incredible, Bella. It's unprecedented in my experience and Jasper's. Edward wouldn't have been able to do it."

Edward shot me an _I told you so_ look and I rolled my eyes. He came back to sit with me again, this time resting his head on my shoulder and inhaling deeply, obviously enjoying my scent without the burn.

"His first few weeks kept me very busy," Carlisle continued as he shook his head at the memories and I was curious.

"You'll have to tell me all about it sometime," And Carlisle nodded, smiling.

"When you have a couple of spare days," he laughed.

Edward groaned and hung his head. "I wasn't that bad," he mumbled.

I rumpled my hand through his hair and he brought his face back up to look at me, eyes shining through his lashes as he grinned.

"Maybe I should tell you myself. Carlisle tends to exaggerate."

Everyone laughed, Abbey clapped her hands at the happy sound and more of my embarrassment and tension faded away. This was my family ... and they understood.

And then Edward stood up again, and re-enacted my first hunt. He used words like graceful, smooth, powerful and I was embarrassed again. No-one had ever used those words to describe me before.

"But you had to hold the lion's legs," I interjected.

He paused and twisted his lips a little. "Er, I didn't _have_ to," he said, shyly. "You were actually managing fine without that."

"Then ... ?"

He sighed, shrugging and shoving his hands deep in his pockets. His words came quickly.

"I couldn't handle watching it claw at you." He shrugged again as he looked at me. "Old habits and all that ... ,"

Rosalie rolled her eyes while Alice giggled.

"Hey, Rosie, how come you didn't help me out like that on my first hunt?" Emmett sounded wounded.

"Are you serious? The mess you were making of that bear ... I wasn't going to go near _that_." She smoothed her hand over her hair and then sighed heavily as he frowned.

"Next time, Emmett. I'll hold the bear for you next time."

And there was another round of laughter.

"So are we still headed for Alaska?" Emmett looked from me to Edward to Carlisle and there was silence in the room then as everyone looked from Edward to Alice.

"I don't see it heppening," Alice said. "I see us here, all of us."

Edard nodded. "I don't think there's any need for Alaska, now," he looked towards Carlisle. "The treaty is no longer an issue, Charlie knows everything, we can just spin the _Edward and Bella go to college_ story and stay out of sight, like Rose and Emmett did after graduation."

Everyone seemed to be in agreement and I was excited at the prospect of staying, but I was also wary.

"But am I ... safe? I mean, humans come to the house sometimes." I remembered delivery vans bringing nursery furniture and various other items the Cullens ordered.

"Bella, how is your thirst now?" Carlisle was smiling. My hand went automatically to my throat.

"Oh, well, um, it's there when I think about it. It's like a dull prickle, scratchy, like I'm starting a sore throat."

"Just like the rest of us," Carlise nodded. "And when you're not thinking about it?"

"Um, I guess I don't really notice it. Not since I've hunted, anyway."

Carlisle leaned forward n his chair, his eyes warm on mine.

"Bella, I think you're safe. I think if someone is always with you, if you hunt frequently, and Edward takes you into the Park when any visitors are expected, then it shouldn't be a problem," he said simply.

"And from what I've seen, and what Edward has told us, I think you'll be ready to mix with humans in two or three months." Jasper was eyeing me speculatively.

I wasn't so sure about that, but I smiled anyway.

"Looks like we're staying," Edward grinned and he came to sit beside me, staring into my eyes. Then his grin faded to a soft smile and his eyes clouded with deep emotion. I frowned a little, not able to read him. I tilted my head in silent question and he shook his, then looked away, swallowing hard. He took a breath and turned back, his expression clear now and he lowered his head and stuck his tongue out at Abbey. She frowned and grabbed at it but he sucked it in quickly, making her startle and then laugh. He did it three more times and each time her laughter got louder and she began bouncing on my lap. I ran my hand over her head and bent down to press a soft kiss in her hair. Our miracle baby. I was glad she wouldn't have to leave her nursery meadow so soon.

I was aware of everyone watching us and I shifted in my seat, feeling shy, as Carlisle and Jasper continued to discuss my progress. Then Edward glanced up towards Emmett and nodded slightly.

Emmett stood, his hands fisted in the air.

"Lego landmark challenge!" he boomed and there was a collective groan from around the room as he pulled the two enormous plastic storage boxes from under the stairs. He shot us a quick look, a quick wink and a smile and I understood - he was taking the attention away from us. I smiled back gratefully.

"In honour of Bella becoming a vampire I say we build Forks High School ... where it all started!"

Jasper looked keen and pulled the lid off one box while Emmett pulled the lid off the other.

"Go on," I smiled at Edward, nudging his foot with mine. "I like watching these."

"You remember?" And he grinned when I nodded.

"Just don't let it end like last time."

"Ah, you _do_ remember," he grimaced and I raised a single eyebrow in acknowledgement. Abbey was clapping again and Edward crawled across the rug, growling over his shoulder at her for fun as he went and she laughed at him. Such a funny Daddy.

Edward, Emmett and Jasper each gathered a pile of blocks and Alice stood to start them off.

"Ready .... go!"

This was a new game they'd invented and I remembered it well.

They each had to build the same well-known landmark, either from experience or pictures, and the winner was the first to complete the structure accurately with the most detail. Some structures had involved nearly every piece from every set they had - and they had a lot of sets. From medieval castles to submarines to Star Wars and space police.

They'd built the Eiffel Tower, the pyramids, the White House and the Taj Mahal. The hardest, though, had been the last one, the Sydney Opera House - all those pointy bits on the roof and not enough pointy bits to go around. There'd almost been a brawl that day. I'd taken Abbey out of the room so she didn't see her father wrestling with her Uncle Jasper over a tiny, white building block. And the wrestling only ended when Emmett tried to sneak the pointy pieces off Edward's opera house to use for his own.

It took Carlisle nearly twenty minutes to remove a small Lego spaceman from Emmett's ear. Edward never apologised.

I was laughing at those memories as I watched them now, all fiercely concentrating on their task. When I'd watched them before, their hands had been a blur, invisible. But now I saw every movement clearly. I also knew that Emmett had three more pieces in his pile than Jasper, and that Edward had so far used two hundred and twelve blocks.

I looked around the room, seeing it with new eyes. There was a slight discolouration of the carpet near the dining table. Obviously something had been spilt and cleaned up, but as a human I hadn't been able to see it. The curtains to the left of the window were slightly dustier than those to the right. Edward's piano stool was dull from ware, but now I could see the surface was a little more dull on one side - clearly Edward sat slightly to the left as he played. There was a hand print on the window by the front door. The same hand print was on the glass of the television screen. I could see, by size and shape, it was probably Emmett's.

And all the while I knew that every few seconds Edward looked up, checking on me.

The next time he did it I let my eyes rest on him. He smiled and turned back to the game.

He was laying on his stomach, stretched out, resting on his elbows as he built, fingers moving expertly, and as much as I was enjoying watching his hands, I was enjoying the rest of him more. The length of him, the way his hair fell over his face a little, how he pouted in concentration, the curve of his neck and the flow of his back, from his shoulders down to his backside, and then his long legs. He was a beautiful man, and not just on the outside. I wondered how I got so lucky.

His eyes glanced up to me again and at my expression he arched an eyebrow and the corner of his mouth turned up in a smile that was surprised and just a little smug. I ducked my head, glad I could no longer blush. Jasper must have sensed the mood because his hands faltered as he threw us a quick look. He rolled his eyes and went back to his task.

"Done!" Emmett threw his hands in the air in victory. "That's my first win!"

"Where's the flagpole?" Jasper challenged.

Emmett looked panicked for a second, then a smug smile crossed his face.

"This is the school after the flagpole came down in the storm that time."

"You can't do that." Jasper shook his head, firmly. "It has to be current. I could've left mine half finished and said it was the school three months into being built!"

Emmett shrugged, still smug. "You could have, Jasper, but you didn't."

My laughter rang out as Jasper growled. "We go again. This time it's the Great Wall of China."

He and Emmett quickly dismantled their high schools and started re-grouping.

"C'mon, Edward," Emmett was impatient and disintegrated Edward's model with a single flex of his hand.

"I think I'll give the Great Wall a miss," Edward said, standing, looking at me. "I'll join in next time."

The others all said goodbye, coming to hug me again as I stood up, holding Abbey close. I was amazed at the fluid way my body moved without me even trying. Emmett wasn't paying attention. He was already commandeering Edward's pieces, ready to start. Jasper looked up, his eyes meeting mine before nodding, smiling.

"If you need me ... ," he left the offer open and Edward smiled as he answered.

"We won't."and his arm was around my waist as he guided us to the door.

"Bye Edward," Alice giggled.

"See you later," he said vaguely over his shoulder, but his eyes were on me.

It felt good to be home, in our cottage, just the three of us. Abbey sat on the rug, surrounded by her wooden blocks and chewing on her ABC book, while I sat beside her. We'd been building, like she'd just watched Daddy doing.

"I'm surprised at how _normal_ everything feels here. Is that, um, normal?" I was leaning back on my hands, legs stretched out in front of me. Edward sat cross-legged on the rug opposite me. He gave a chuckle and I could hear the relief in the sound. "I'm scared I'll wake up tomorrow and I'll have forgotten all my memories and I'll be just like a regular newborn. Oh, except I won't wake up tomorrow, will I? Because I won't sleep tonight."

The thought rocked me a little. "I can't get my head around that."

Edward was sitting cross-legged on the floor opposite me.

"I know. But after a while you will." He was watching me closely.

"So much seems so ... familiar. And it's not just that I recognise it, but I _feel_ it. Like nothing's changed. Does that make sense?"

He nodded slowly.

"Is it because of what Carlisle said? Because I'm in my usual surroundings?"

"Probably."

And then Abbey threw her book at him. He dodged it neatly, without looking, and then picked her up under the arms. He flopped down onto his back and sat her on his tummy, holding her hands as he bounced up and down, making her laugh.

"Do you wish we'd had time to have another baby?"

My question came out of nowhere, it hadn't even been a conscious thought and I was sure I looked as surprised as Edward did. Abbey had been such a wonderful surprise, but given my plan to change, I'd never really considered the idea of having more children. I guessed that somewhere in my subconscious, though, I'd wondered about it for Edward.

He cocked his head slightly, eyes on mine.

"I never dared wish for the baby we _have_," he said and looked back at Abbey. He'd stopped moving and she was bouncing on him, trying to get him to start again. He let go of one of her hands and reached out to the pile of blocks. He chose a green one and put it in her fingers, distracting her so he could continue speaking. When he did his voice was tender and his eyes were soft as he sat up slightly, supporting himself on his elbows and looking over our daughter's head to me.

"I never expected to find love_._ And when I did, when it happened, when I found you, I never believed you could love me back. But you did. And then, you married me, and we had a child." He bit his lip, shaking his head as though he still couldn't believe it all. "Both you and Abbey are more than I ever dreamt I would have. I don't wish for anything more." He stroked her cheek as he whispered ... "I've had more than my fair share of miracles."

But then his head turned back to me sharply.

"Do you? Do you wish we'd had another?" He seemed upset at the thought that I'd been left wanting. I shook my head, smiling.

"I'm _very happy_ as I am."

I could see he was searching my face, wanting to be sure, and not just about the baby. Then he relaxed.

"I can't believe I have you back already," he whispered suddenly, so low that my human ears wouldn't have heard him. And it seemed I wasn't meant to hear, even now, because a look of realisation dawned across his features and he seemed embarrassed.

"What do you mean?"

He grimaced slightly. "Just that, I wasn't expecting us to be here, like this, so soon after your change."

"I gathered that, everyone's been telling me already. What _were_ you expecting, though?" No-one had been specific.

He shrugged. "It's different for everyone," he said vaguely.

"Tell me, Edward."

He started to smirk. "You're not nearly as skittish as I expected you to be. Or erratic, or snarly or defensive."

"Is that how you were?"

"Yes, I was. But you're not. You're focused, you ... do you remember once, long ago, I told you I had human instincts, buried deep, but you were brining them out again?"

I nodded. I did remember and this pleased him.

"Well, it's like yours never got buried. They're still there, _you're_ still there. I thought it might take a while, that's all."

"Edward?"

"Yes?"

"Did you just use the word _skittish_?"

He looked puzzled for a moment and then snorted. "I did, yes."

"That's a very old-fashioned word."

"I'm a very old-fashioned vampire."

I laughed and then Abbey threw her block at Edward's nose. It bounced off and hit the floor.

"What was that for?" he grinned at her. He grabbed the block and hid it behind him.

"Where's it gone?" He was using his dad voice, slightly softer, lighter, than his usual speaking voice. It made me melt.

Edward's free hand was supporting Abbey as she twisted around, trying to find the block. He brought it back into view with an exaggerated gasp and she clapped. Edward started bouncing again, making her laugh.

"I was thinking," he said as he bounced, "We could get one of those back-pack carriers for her. She's too big for the pouch now." I knew he was a little sad about that.

"We could," I said. "Maybe we could go on-line later and look at them." I thought that would make him happy and I was eager to get back to normal. He grinned at me.

"I've seen some good ones on the Bug-a-Lug site. The Escape has a head rest and foot rests but the Metro has extra padding and an adjustable seat for as she gets bigger."

He stopped and I just stared at him. "Edward were you online during my change?"

I'd been joking but I quickly realised my words had hurt him. He stopped bouncing and stared at me, shocked.

"No! No, I only left when someone brought Abbey over and they'd sit with you while I fed her. And even then, every second I was listening for you. I would never have ... ,"

I crawled across the rug and lay down next to him, leaning over to kiss his cheek and he slid Abbey gently onto the rug between us, keeping one hand on her back as he turned on his side to face me. I ran my hand over her hair as she grabbed at her blocks, shoving a blue one in her mouth to chew.

"It's okay, Edward, I was joking," I rolled my eyes at him to emphasise the point. "I know you wouldn't have done that."

"Oh ... good." He still seeed a little ruffled though.

"I just wondered when you researched all this?" Abbey offered me her green block to chew and I put it to my mouth, making _nom nom_ sounds and she laughed.

Edward sighed. "Four nights ago, while you slept. I was going to talk to you about it the next day and show you the website. But I didn't get a chance before I went hunting and when I came back ... ," he trailed off.

I nuzzled my head against his shoulder.

"So tell me now. I'm here."

He shifted, coming a little closer and gently resting his hand on my hip.

"Yes, you're here," and his smile was so beautiful my body was humming again.

So I laid there, on my side, while he laid on his and he compared the features of the Escape versus the Metro while our daughter played with her blocks between us. We both knew we could have gone to the computer and looked, but this was better.

I listened as Edward explained the advantages of gortex over nylon. That the Escape had an insulated side pocket to keep drinks cool. Every now and then he'd reach across and brush some stray hair out of my face, or just stroke my cheek. Sometimes he'd rest his hand on my hip again, giving a gentle squeeze. And I'd push his hair back from his eyes, letting the gold shine through, or run my fingers along his jaw, or let them rest lightly on his arm.

It was a gentle coming together, a re-connecting we both needed. Just quiet talk, gentle touches, being a family.

"Ultimately I think the Escape is the better carrier, but the Metro has a better colour range."

"Mm? Like what?"

"Well, they both come in red, blue or grey. But the metro also comes in pink and purple two-tone, or lime with aqua trim."

"Pink and purple?"

He shrugged, smiling his crooked smile and I laughed. "Would you seriously wear a pink and purple baby carrier?" I asked. He drew enough attention as it was.

He considered for a moment.

"Mm, maybe not." And we both started laughing then. "Don't misunderstand, I'm comfortable enough within myself to do it. I just don't know if I could handle Emmett's reaction, it would get tedious pretty quickly."

"Oh! Can you imagine?"

"Yes, that's the problem." And we started laughing again. "But do you think Abbey might like the prettier colours? I mean, Emmett's reaction doesn't really matter, if it's something she'd like."

He watched her, eyes full of love, as she tried to stack one block on top of the other. It tumbled off and she frowned. Edward picked up the offending block and handed it back to her and he smiled as she took it and tried again, her face full of determination. He slid a second block over, lining it up beside the first one and making a bigger platform for her to build her tower. She set her block down on top and it stayed in place this time and she grinned and looked up at Edward. He did his surprised face and she gave a little chuckle.

"I don't think Abbey will mind," I said softly and ran my hand through his hair and across his forehead. I loved this man. He'd wear pink and purple for his daughter if he thought she'd like it. I smiled to myself - he'd probably wear fairy wings if it made her happy and I was certain, somewhere down the line, I would see that happen.

Even as I listened and talked with Edward I was also completely aware of Abbey's every move, so it was almost without thinking that I noticed the piece of dried food on the yellow block as she lifted it to her mouth. I gently swapped it with a red block and pushed up on my elbow, throwing the yellow one towards the kitchen. It flew through the doorway, around the corner and clattered as it landed neatly in the sink.

I looked at Edward, excited, and he was beaming at me.

"Did you see that? I don't know how, but I just _knew _how much force to use, what angle and what spin to put on it. Without even thinking, I just _knew_."

"Very impressive," he said, eyebrows raised as he nodded.

I picked up another block and did it again. It also clattered into the sink and I started giggling. Abbey did to.

"You try," I said. So he did. His block made it around the corner, but we heard it bounce off the sink and land on the floor.

"Ah ha! I actually beat you at something!" I punched the air, then dropped my arm quickly. "You didn't fail on purpose, did you?" I searched his face but found only indignation.

"I didn't _fail_, Bella. I'm lying at a slightly different angle from you, my trajectory is not the same, it would be physically impossible for me to land the block in the sink from here."

"Then why did you try?"

"Because you asked me to."

Yeah, right.

"Well, let me sit there and have a go."

He shook his head.

"We'd better not, Abbey will have no blocks left."

I rolled my eyes and then we both started laughing as Edward pulled my head back to his shoulder. "I can see we have a new competitor in the family." I could hear the smile in his voice.

"Mah!" Abbey reached her hands out to me and I gently pulled her on top of me.

"Is it cuddle time?" I smiled as she nuzzled against my neck and Edward's hand stroked her back. We laid there, the three of us on the living room rug, content in the moment. A moment that was part of forever, now.

A few minutes later I heard Abbey's tummy rumble and I knew that soon she'd start grizzling.

"Dinner time," I said.

"I"ll do it," Edward stood, ready to move out of the room, but I stopped him.

"No, let me."

Edward sat on the kitchen bench, holding her while I pulled a pumpkin from the pantry.

Abbey was trying to put her fingers in Edward's mouth but every time she got close he'd close his lips tight and shake his head back and forth, teasing her. She'd move her hand away and his mouth would open again until her fingers got close, then snap shut. She was laughing, her mind distracted from her hungry tummy.

I ran my tongue over my own teeth and shuddered slightly at the thought of her tiny fingers coming into contact with the razor sharp edges. I felt a flicker of worry course through me. Suddenly I had an idea of how Edward must have felt with me ... before.

"Be careful," I murmured quietly, needing to say it but half hoping he wouldn't hear. I cut a chunk of pumpkin off, the knife sliding through like it was butter.

"Bella, did you just say ...?"

Here it comes.

"Yes." I put the chunks in a bowl and added a little water.

He said nothing else, but he still stared at me, holding one of Abbey's hands in his. I knew he wasn't going to let it go. I rolled my eyes as I put the bowl in the microwave and hit _start_. I'd always been reckless about his mouth, his teeth and tongue, but now .... .

"She's trying to put her fingers in your mouth. I know the venom won't hurt her but ... ," I shrugged.

"But?"

I sighed. "Okay, your teeth are sharp. It's taken me over two years to get it, I know."

He was smirking now.

"Yes. They are sharp." And to emphasise the fact he snapped them together in a sound that made Abbey jump, surprised, and then smile when he kissed her cheek. "And I am being careful."

"I know you are, I'm sorry." I smiled and he smiled back.

"You're starting to understand, aren't you?" He spoke softly now, no more teasing.

"I understood before ... I just didn't like it."

"No, I mean you're _really_ understanding. Why I was always so ... cautious. You appreciate the risk now, don't you?"

I nodded as I pulled the bowl from the microwave and started mashing the pieces with a fork. He was right. I'd felt his teeth slice through my skin, I'd felt my own slice through the muscle and sinew of a mountain lion's neck. I'd pulled the tap off in the bathroom, and as if to reinforce the point the metal fork I held in my hand started to bend, seemingly without me exerting any pressure.

I looked at Edward.

"I appreciate the risk. I also appreciate your effort. I never ... ," My throat started to tighten and I began to blink, instinctively trying to keep back invisible tears.

He slid smoothly along the marble bench top and put his free arm around my shoulder, pulling me close, while Abbey tugged on his hair.

"How did you do it?" I sniffed, though my nose was dry.

He kissed the top of my head. "Very carefully."

Abbey started to grizzle and I immediately turned my attention back to her dinner. I finished mashing the pumpkin and spooned it into her pink bowl with the fairies on it. I was pleased that I hadn't had to think twice through the whole process. Bent forks and super strength aside, preparing Abbey's dinner had come naturally and I was pleased.

It smelt revolting, though, and I knew Edward was trying not to laugh at the grimace on my face as he slid Abbey into her highchair and fastened the bib around her neck.

I pulled up a chair and spooned the first mouthful between her lips. Edward sat opposite me at the table.

Abbey ate greedily, enjoying every mouthful, while I played the aeroplane game. About half of the pumpkin was gone when she started asking for the spoon.

Of course, that was her new thing, wasn't it? She wanted to feed me. I'd eaten mashed apple the morning that everything changed. And Edward had eaten ... yes, I remembered, Edward had eaten mashed banana! I smiled, and then my face fell. He'd warned me this would happen. My turn had come. I swallowed and then sighed. If Edward could do it ....

I leaned in, knowing that his eyes were on me, I could feel the smirk he was trying, not so hard, to hide. He was leaning his elbow on the table, his head resting on his hand which was conveniently covering his mouth. His eyes were bright.

I opened my mouth and Abbey was delighted as she stuck the sticky, pumpkiny spoon inside.

It felt and tasted worse than mud and I tried to smile through the grimace on my lips. Meanwhile, Edward was trying to stifle his laughter but his shoulders were shaking and I rolled my eyes.

I wondered how I was going to swallow this - and then I decided I didn't have to.

"Mmm," I raised my eyebrows, nodding, smiling at Abbey and she giggled. Still holding the pumpkin in my mouth I wiped the bib over her chin. Then I reached around to the bench behind me and picked up a paper towel and I pretended to wipe my mouth, too. Abbey clapped and Edward's laughter stopped and his eyes narrowed as he realised what I was going to do.

"No!" he gasped.

As I wiped the towel over my chin I turned my face away and spat the pumpkin into it and tossed it in the bin.

"Yummy," I grinned, turning back to Abbey, who was happily trying to feed herself now.

"You ... ," Edward was pointing at the bin, his eyes huge as he stared at me. "That's not fair! I've been eating mashed ... _eveything_ for days."

I shrugged and echoed Emmett's words from earlier.

"You could have done it, too, Edward ... but you didn't."

I started chuckling at the scowl on his face. He looked like he didn't know what to do, how to react. He ran a hand roughly through his hair as he shook his head.

"Why didn't I think of that?" he muttered to himself.

But then the scowl cracked - first one corner of his mouth twitched, then it lifted. Then the other corner came up. And then, he snorted as he tried not to laugh. And the snort, so rare from him, made me laugh even louder.

Abbey was excited by all this and started giggling. She plunged her fist in her bowl and a plume of mashed pumpkin sprayed into the air. Most of it landed on the side of my face, some of it glugging in my hair, some on my eyelashes, the rest splashed on the wall and the table and now it was Edward laughing loudest. He was actually bent over the table, head resting on folded arms, hand slapping the table top, as his whole body shook. The laughter coming from him would have been wonderful to listen to ... in any other circumstances.

I chose to ignore him as I reached for a cloth, lips pursed, trying to keep my dignity in tact. I might have been a super strong, exquisitely beautiful mythical creature, but right now that meant nothing special. Right now I was just Abbey's mum, wiping the mashed pumpkin off the wall before it hardened and had to scraped off with a knife - or vampire finger nails.

A warm feeling of contentment and belonging washed over me. Everything had settled into place.

I called Charlie while Edward gave Abbey her bath. I could hear splashes and giggles coming from down the hall. Sometimes the squeak of a rubber duck.

Charlie was surprised, relieved and happy to hear from me, even if he thought my voice sounded different.

"So you're okay, Bells?"

"I am, Dad. Really."

"Yeah? Good, good. Um, Esme and Carlisle have told me everything. I ... yeah, everything."

"And you're okay with it?"

There was a slight pause.

"As long as you're happy and safe and, er, alive. That's all that matters, Bells."

I was nodding, even though I knew he couldn't see me.

"You know about Edward and, um, his reading minds, then?"

"Except yours, they tell me."

"Er, yeah." So he _did_ know everything. I grimaced, imagining how he'd feel about someone invading the privacy of his thoughts. I was surprised when he gave a dark chuckle.

"He must really love you. Most boyfriends wouldn't have hung around if they'd known what I was thinking sometimes."

"Oh. Really?" Was it that bad? "But now ... ?" They'd been on good terms for a while now, and I wondered if that would change, now that Edward had made me one of the undead.

Charlie sighed heavily.

"He gave you back to me."

He said nothing else, but I understood. A lump formed in my throat but I knew it had nowhere to go - I had no tears. I swallowed it back down.

"So, have you, er, eaten yet?" He cleared his throat awkwardly and I smiled.

"Dad, it's alright, you don't have to ... ,"

"Okay, good." He cut me off, obviously pleased not to have to hear about it.

I was running through the _Edward and Bella go to college _story with him as Edward came into the living room. Abbey was in his arms, hair damp and sticking up in all directions. The bronze colour, the messy strands, she was so much her father's daughter and I smiled.

Edward sat in the comfy chair, Abbey on his lap. Her towel had animals on it and he was pointing at them, saying their names and making their sounds.

With my new vampire skills I could listen to him easily while still talking to Charlie.

"Elephant," Edward said and made a trumpeting sound while I told Charlie his house was fixed and ready to live in again.

"Lion." Of course Edward did a perfect growl which grew into a roar and Abbey giggled as

Charlie told me that Billy said to say hello Jacob wants to see me soon. Meanwhile, Edward pointed to the next animal on the towel.

"Giraffe. Um .... ," and he looked up at me perplexed. I shrugged, not knowing either.

"Er, Dad, what sound does a giraffe make?"

"Giraffes? I don't know. Do they make a sound?"

I raised my eyebrows at Edward, knowing that he'd hear Charlie's side of the conversation.

"They must," he said, frowning, and looked back at the towel. "Perhaps they grunt." He made a grunting sound and I half snorted, half laughed down the phone.

"Bells?"

"Sorry, Dad."

"Is that a ... a vampire thing, that sound?" It was the first time he'd used the word vampire and he barely stumbled over it, I noticed. That was a good sign.

"No. I'm laughing at Edward. He's trying to grunt like a giraffe for Abbey."

"Oh, right," I could hear the chuckle in Charlie's voice. "Well, I'd better go, Bells, sounds like you're busy there. I'll talk to you soon, yeah?"

"Sure, Dad. We'll talk soon. And Edward will bring Abbey to visit."

"AYeah? That would be nice. And, er, I'm real glad you're okay, even if ... yeah, I'm glad you're okay."

"Me too. Thanks, Dad."

I hung up, relief at Charlie's reaction coursing through me. Really, my dad was an amazing man. Then I turned to stare at my husband and daughter. Edward was trying other, different grunting sounds.

"Maybe just move on to the monkey," I said and he nodded.

"Monkey," he pointed at the little purple animal on the toweling cloth. Then he stuck his lips out as he tucked one hand under his arm, scratching. "Ooooh ooooh oooooh oooooh ahhhh ahhhh ahhhh ahhhh!"

I was almost doubled over laughing as Abbey gave him a disbelieving stare - she almost raised an eyebrow at him, and Edward sighed.

"Maybe I should just stick with the lion," he said rubbing the towel over her wet hair. "I know what I'm doing with roars and growls."

I tried to remember giraffes I'd seen during trips to the zoo as a child. The memories were there, but a bit fuzzy.

"I can remember seeing a giraffe when I was a kid, but I don't remember hearing anything."

"Then you're one up on me. I've never seen a giraffe."

I was surprised. "You've not been to a zoo?"

"As a child, but I don't think there were giraffes. There was an elephant, though."

"But you've not been to a zoo since?"

"No."

He could see I didn't understand.

"I guess I just thought that somewhere over the last ninety years or so you would have visited one."

He shook his head. "The animals would panic. It would draw too much attention."

"Oh."

We'd never be able to take Abbey to a zoo. I could feel his eyes on me. I looked up and saw from his expression that he understood. His eyes were a little sad.

"Maybe trips to the zoo can be something Grandpa Charlie can do," he said softly.

I nodded and he reached out for my hand, the new warmth of his touch still a surprise, but a welcome one.

"Love, there are some things _we _won't be able to do with her. No zoo, no summers on the beach, no pony rides, no pets ... ,"

I nodded. "I know."

It hadn't bothered me before, I'd told him months ago she didn't need pets or ponies, and it didn't bother me now. It was just ... just sinking in, the little details of what being a vampire meant.

"But she can do those things with Charlie. And there are many more things that we _can _do. That we _will_ do. She won't miss out on anything." His eyes were intense now, his voice firm. I smiled. I believed him.

I cuddled Abbey in the nursery rocking chair while I read Winnie the Pooh. She giggled with me at the _Tiddly Pom_ poem but was asleep by the time Eyeore found a new house. I settled her into her crib, stroking her cheek and feeling the special peace that being with her always brought. And I took a moment to take in every detail of the mural Edward had painted on the walls. There was nothing new to find, but I could see every brush stroke now, every smudge that smoothed one shade into another, every minute, almost invisible dot that created the textured appearance of feathers and fur. The work he'd put into this was astounding.

And my eyes returned to the newest addition I'd discovered three days before. His 'carving' on the tree ... _Edward loves Bella_. Suddenly I missed the fact that my heart couldn't skip a beat anymore, but the feelings flowed through me just the same.

The burn was back. Not the one that meant thirst, but the one that meant desire. My feelings for Edward were still strong, I knew that. Perhaps stronger than before. Its flames had flickered on and off throughout the day, but I'd pushed them aside - the time hadn't been right or there'd been other priorities, like hunting, and seeing Abbey again, settling in with her. If I'd still been human, _now _would have been perfect, with her asleep and the night to ourselves. But I wasn't human, and tales of Rose and Emmett demolishing houses floated through my mind. No, not now. Not with Abbey sleeping in the next room.

I took a deep breath and pushed the burn back down, again. The time would come. I just had to be patient. I took another breath and headed for the study - I'd decided it was a good time to look at my memories journal.

Edward was logging off from his laptop as I walked into the room.

"All tucked in?" he asked.

"Yep, nice and snug."

I ran my hand over the leather insert of the desktop before I opened the drawer.

"Your mother's desk," I whispered, letting him know I remembered.

He smiled up at me and reached out to let his fingers brush over mine.

"Yours," he said.

I found the journal easily and brought it to the sofa, along with a piece of blank paper and a pen.

Edward stood up from his desk and followed me. I sat down and he seemed a little hesitant as he looked at the green leather-bound book in my hand. He'd told me once, memories were a personal thing.

I smiled at him. "Do you want to sit with me?"

I didn't have to ask twice. In a vampire move he was beside me and then somehow, a moment later, he was lying down, his head was in my lap, face smiling up at me. I laughed and that made him happy.

"How am I going to write?" I asked. "Your head's resting where the paper should be."

"I thought you were only reading." He started to sit up but I pushed him back down and he smiled again. "What are you writing?"

"My journal's full but I thought I should still finish off with my last human memory." I rested the paper on the arm of the sofa and began to write. "Hmph, my writing is still a scrawl," I muttered. "I thought it would be nice now, like yours."

Edward chuckled and shifted his head so he could see. "It's better than it was," he said and winked at me. I thought about being indignant at his comment, but he was actually right, and that was just as annoying.

"So, what _is _your last human memory?"

I rolled my eyes. Did he need to ask? I looked down and saw his face, shy, wary. Yes, apparently he did.

I pushed his hair off his forehead, caressing his skin with my fingers.

"You ... telling me _forever._"

He smiled, that beautiful crooked smile, and then settled deeper into my lap.

"What's yours?" I asked, curious now.

"My last human memory?"

"Uh huh."

"A blue china jug and a metal cup."

"Oh."

"What?"

"I don't know, it's just not what I expected."

He looked up into my face. "They were beside my bed in the hospital."

"Oh, of course." It seemed obvious now.

"I don't remember much about my time there, it's all just vague memories of heat and noise and smells. I remember Carlisle telling me when my parents died." I squeezed his shoulder and he turned his head to kiss my fingers. "But the nurses were kind, and they'd pour water for me from the blue jug into the metal cup. They sat on the cupboard beside my bed. It's the last thing I remember seeing."

"Nothing about Carlisle carrying you away to his house?"

"No, I was too far gone to remember that. Really, it's a wonder my change worked at all, I was so sick by then."

A shudder went through me.

"Bella?"

I shook my head. "Just the thought ... if Carlisle had been too late. I wouldn't have you."

He smiled gently. "Then I suppose you wouldn't have known any different."

"Yes, I would have. I remember what my life was like before I met you. It wasn't bad, not at all, but I wasn't whole, I know that now. I was waiting for you."

His eyes softened at my words.

"And I for you," he whispered and reached up a hand to touch my face. There was a pulse of electricity in his caress and I bit my lip. I wanted him right now, on the sofa, or the floor, I didn't care. From the sudden flash of his eyes I was sure he wanted it too. But Abbey ...

I cleared my throat and opened the journal.

"Should I read it out loud? Or just to myself? What works best?"

"Do whatever is comfortable for you. I doubt there's much in there that you'll need to remember, though, you seem to have remembered so much already."

My eyes scanned the pages quickly.

"Huh, three invitations to the Spring Dance, I'd forgotten that." I snorted and Edward growled. "It upset you?"

"More than you will ever know."

I stroked his hair, running my fingers over his scalp, and he closed his eyes and made the strangest noise.

"Edward, you're .... are you purring?"

His eyes opened slowly. "Um, yes?"

I was grinning. "You've never done that before."

"Yes I have. Whenever you stroke the back of my neck or play with my hair or scratch my scalp. All those things make me purr."

"But I ... how did I not hear you?"

"Probably too low for human ears."

I thought for a moment.

"I can remember _feeling_ a rumble sometimes."

"Mm, that would be it, then." He took my hand and placed it on his chest and purred again. Yes, that was the rumble.

"Well, I'm glad I can hear it now, too." And then I wondered ... "Are there any other noises you make that I haven't heard?"

He gave a quick laugh. "No, I don't think so. I'm an open book." He grinned up at me and I smiled down at him. Then his grin faltered. "But that wasn't always the case," he whispered and his soft eyes held mine for a long moment, looking up at me from his place in my lap. I stroked his head again. He didn't purr this time but I kept stroking, moving my fingers down to run softly over his eyebrows, knowing there was something he wanted to say, waiting for him to tell me.

His eyes stayed on me, although they fluttered a little at my touch. And then he took a deep breath and sat up, crossing his legs beneath him as he faced me.

"Love, I've been working under an assumption ever since you came out of your change, but I shouldn't assume, I should make sure ... for both us." He paused and I wondered where this was going. His eyes were serious and the movement of his throat told me he was nervous. Then he sucked in a sharp breath.

"Bella, apart from Snoopy, how well do you remember Chicago?"

Oh, Edward.

I put the journal and pen on the floor and brought my arms up to embrace him. I kissed the side of his neck.

"We visited your son," I whispered against his skin. "George. I remember everything." The good and the painful.

He pulled back slowly so he could see me. His eyes were careful, searching my face. I smiled and pushed his hair away from his eyes.

"It's alright, Edward, really."

But he was still unsure, I could see that.

"I'll tell you what I remember, okay?" I smiled, but he didn't respond. I lifted his hands and held them in mine, stroking my thumbs over his skin. Now that the question was out there he needed to be sure.

"I remember that everything you learned about George, you learned with me. I remember the diary and how you comforted me when I cried. The first time you met him was with me, and when you said goodbye it was with me. I remember how kind and gentle, and nervous, you were the night we climbed in through his window. I remember your epiphany, and hot chocolate and rain, and how you shared yourself with me." I smiled. "And Snoopy with blue pyjama bottoms. I know that the whole experience only made us stronger and more open with each other and how different we both are because of it. I remember how you and George laughed about your hair and how moved you were that he'd inherited your love of music. And I know how proud you are of his music school, and that _we _help support it now. And I think the thing I remember most is the way you said goodbye, how you tucked his blanket around him and kissed his forehead and said 'good night.' I knew then, that if you ever had the opportunity, you would make a wonderful father, because you are such a good man, Edward."

I paused. He was still staring at me, transfixed now.

"Did I remember it right?" It wasn't really a question because I knew I had. I wondered if he'd agree with me.

It took him a moment, but eventually he answered.

"Yes."

Then he collapsed on top of me, exhaling sharply, burying his head in my stomach and it was wonderful because he'd never been able to do it before - not like that. I put my arms around him and held tight, trying not to squeeze too hard, as the relief washed through him and he groaned.

"That feels so good," he breathed. I squeezed a little harder.

"You thought I wouldn't remember?"

He shrugged into my lap. "I wasn't sure. I assumed, when you mentioned Snoopy, that you had remembered, but I didn't know how much,exactly. You might have blocked things out."

"If I hadn't remembered, would you have told me?"

His head shot up.

"Of course. I would never keep it from you ... but the thought of putting you through that again was agony." He buried his head again and began pressing kisses all over my stomach while I tangled my hands in his hair, giggling. It was getting harder to keep the burn under control, my body was humming again.

"Did you think I would have felt differently?"

"I, I didn't know," he lifted his head to look at me again. "There are no guarantees with these things. You might not have felt the same."

I bent forward and kissed his forehead.

"It's too much a part of us, and too much good came from it, for me to feel differently."

He nodded slowly but his eyes were wary again.

"What?" I asked.

"Bella, while we're on the subject of the, er, the rougher parts of our relationship ... ," he swallowed, anxious again. "What do you remember about your eighteenth birthday?" He said it so quietly.

I felt a familiar twisting in my chest, but it wasn't strong, not anymore. I understood now.

I traced my fingers along his jaw and over his lips as I smiled into his eyes.

"You did it because you love me."

I was about to kiss him, but the sudden sound of footsteps stopped me. My head snapped up, eyes darting towards the door, my instincts putting me on alert.

"It's okay, it's Alice," Edward grumbled and I recognised the sound then. A light, dancer's rhythm, yes, it was Alice.

Edward and I both rolled our eyes and then we laughed.

"Come in, Alice," he said as we both sat up and a moment later the door opened.

"Hi," she said brightly and came in carrying a stack of magazines. "I thought you might like some alone time."

Somehow her comment didn't match her actions. "So ... you decided to join us? We were already alone."

She giggled as she sat down between us and spread the magazines across the coffee table.

"I'll sit with Abbey," she smiled and picked up the latest edition of Vogue, flicking over the pages. "Take your time. She won't wake up until 7.23 in the morning."

Oh! Now I got it.

I looked at Edward who seemed a little shy, but his eyes were bright as he quickly held out an eager hand. I took it, stepping over Alice's legs as we moved to the door.

"Um, bye," I said awkwardly but she didn't look up, just waved her hand vaguely in our direction as she concentrated on a leopard print trench coat.

The night air was crisp, it tingled on my skin but I wasn't cold.

"Um, so what would you like to do?" Edward asked, eyes cast down, and I swear, he was seventeen and practically dragging his toe in the dirt.

I knew he wanted this as much as I did, he'd been holding back too, but not just because the time hadn't been right - he was letting me lead.

"Let's run," I said and took off without waiting.

I could hear Edward behind me. The sound of his laughter was something beautiful. It was carefree, happy, excited, and I didn't think I'd ever heard him laugh like that before. Not even when I was spattered with mashed pumpkin.

He came up beside me, then overtook a little, turning around to watch me, wearing a wide grin as he ran backwards.

My hair was streaming out behind me, my clothes were flattened against me with the speed. It was dark, but that was no problem for my new eyes. Rocks, logs, were nothing. I leapt over them with ease.

Edward was running forward now and zig-zagged as he went, weaving in and out between the trees, laughing, leaping onto rocks and boulders and jumping down again. Some times he'd do a back flip, sometimes a forward roll. I'd never seen him do these things before and I stared, fascinated.

He ran further ahead and disappeared for a moment. I kept running, my eyes searching for him.

"Edward?"

I heard soft sounds from above and then gasped as he dropped from a tree right in front of me. He laughed and grabbed me before I collided with him.

"How did you do that?" I looked up at the tree.

"Easy, watch!"

He was obviously showing off now as he ran a few steps, pushed off from the ground and grabbed hold of the lowest branch. He swung himself up onto the limb and then climbed to the one above and the one above that until he was at the top.

"Try it," he called down.

So I did.

I copied his moves exactly and an effortless second later, I was beside him, sitting in the top branches.

"Amazing, just ... amazing." My eyes could see for miles around, every tree top, every leaf, all shining in the moonlight. I bounced a little where I sat feeling the bend and wobble of the branch, and then stopped.

"Is this going to break?"

"No," but his arm was around my waist, holding me securely against him.

"It's okay, I won't fall," I said, but he just shrugged.

"I know," he smiled, giving a gentle squeeze. Then he nudged me gently with his shoulder, pretending to shove me off. Human habit kicked in and I gasped and grabbed hold of him and he laughed. The branch began to bend and shake a little with the movement and then Edward started bouncing up and down, making it worse.

"Stop it, we'll fall!" I knew it wouldn't matter, we wouldn't be hurt, but some habits were hard to break, it seemed.

"You just told me you wouldn't fall!"

"Argh!" I shoved at him but I was laughing.

He was so playful, I loved him being like this. "I've never seen you climb trees before. Or somersault off rocks." We'd both stopped bouncing and shoving now.

"Well, it wouldn't be much fun if you couldn't join in. And I didn't think you'd want me to do it with you on my back."

Probably not.

"What else did you do when I wasn't around?"

He shrugged. "Not much. Hunt, listen to music. Missed you, mostly."

I chuckled. "You're so smooth, Edward."

He gave me the cheesiest grin. "I know." He ran his free hand through his hair. "But it's true. I always miss you when we're not together."

I always missed him too.

I was taking deep breaths. I could _taste_ the air. Its flavour told of rain, and electricity. A storm was coming.

Edward's arm was still tight around my waist, his fingers pressing lightly, caressing softly. It was a gentle touch, but I could feel the suggestion and the promise it held. My breathing started coming a little faster. I smiled to myself - so that still happened, huh? Even as one of the undead, Edward had me panting.

It wasn't so dark up here, high above the thickest part of the canopy. The moonlight shone around us and in the distance I could see pin points of light from the cottage.

"Hey Edward ... ,"

"Yes, Bella?"

I snickered a little. "I can see my house from up here."

Edward snorted and then laughed and that made me laugh, too.

And then he carefully let go of my waist and dropped to the ground. He landed smoothly, silently and looked up at me expectantly.

"Just let yourself fall forward. I'll catch you if you like."

"But I'd crush you."

"Only a bit."

I poked my tongue out and he poked his back at me and I laughed again.

"Don't worry, I can do it." I said, adjusting myself on the branch.

Mm, getting up was fun and just as easy as Edward made it look. But jumping down - my human instincts said it wasn't a good idea. But I wasn't human anymore and Edward was waiting and I didn't want him to have to catch me. I pushed myself forward cautiously and then let myself fall.

I landed smoothly but rolled into a ball, my legs bent under me awkwardly.

"Ow!" I cried out and immediately Edward was beside me.

"Bella!" He bent down, hands grabbing at me urgently, startled and obviously confused. I lifted my head and smiled at him.

"Gotcha!" I winked and jumped up, running off through the trees again, laughing. I laughed even louder when I heard the growling behind me. "Bellaaah!"

Edward was stealth, and I felt him pass me before I saw him and I wondered how he would exact his revenge.

"You're frowning. What are you thinking?" he asked.

It was easy to talk as we ran, as effortless as chatting across the dinner table.

"I'm wondering how you'll pay me back for my little stunt just now."

He raised his eyebrows. "I'll think of something. But I'll wait until you think I've forgotten all about it ... and then I'll pounce."

And he leapt at me and we both laughed as I swerved neatly to avoid him.

"You're a vampire, Edward, I'll know that you haven't forgotten."

"Then you'll know I'm just biding my time. That's even worse. Waiting, not knowing when I'll strike." He disappeared behind a tree on my left and reappeared from a tree on my right with his vampire face in place.

"That might have worked when I was human, Edward, but I saw you sneak behind me to the other tree."

"Then I'll have to be sneakier."

Mm, I suspected he could be, too.

He was running backwards again, still watching me, huge grin on his face. I laughed at him.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm enjoying the view."

I rolled my eyes and now he laughed.

"Where are we going?" he asked after a moment, changing position and running beside me.

"Can't you guess?"

"I'm not a mind reader," he smirked. "But alright, I'll take a guess. The meadow?"

I grinned. "Yep."

He grinned, too.

"What will we do when we get there?" He raised a wicked eyebrow and that energy started to hum through me again.

"I don't know, I thought there were some things you wanted to try, now that I'm not so breakable." I surprised myself with my boldness and I think he was surprised too His feet seemed to stumble a little but he corrected himself neatly. It was so subtly done only another vampire would notice and I wondered if there were other times that had happened and my human eyes didn't see.

As a human I would have been hard pressed to find the meadow without a compass and a map, and even then success was doubtful. But now, as a vampire, I knew exactly where to find it. And we were almost there. We were both slowing down to a walk. Edward grabbed my hand, his grip harder than if I'd been human, his fingers pressing and releasing mine, squeezing - it was classic _nervous Edward._

"So are you going to tell me?" I asked.

I stopped and he propped as I reached up to kiss his jaw. He turned his head and caught my lips, softly at first, then, when I responded, harder. Much harder.

His hand left mine and wound in my hair, pulling, arching my head back so he could feast kisses, nips and nibbles on my neck. This was so new, the action, the position, _his teeth. _The sensations made me groan. His other had was on my back, pushing me closer to him, my breasts crushing against his chest. My hands were fisted in his hair, tugging and twisting as my neck became his playground.

"Tell you what?" he murmured against me.

"The things you want to do."

He pulled away to look at me, the corner of his mouth turned up in a wicked smile. Then he brought his lips back to mine, hungry, devouring.

"There are many things," he was breathing hard as he tried to speak and kiss me at the same time. I was kissing him back just as urgently, waiting for him to tell me what the many things were. Or better yet, show me.

I waited but he didn't speak and I began to wonder, as he arched his neck and I ran my tongue along his jaw, if he was shy.

"Do you want to ... ," I tried to imagine something bizarre and vampiresque. "Do you want to swing from the trees?" I giggled, it was said in fun, but given the climbing we'd just done, it didn't strike me as impossible. I gasped as his tongue found the hollow of my throat. But when he still didn't speak, and actually slowed down his attentions, I wondered if something was wrong.

"Edward?"

He brought his eyes up to mine slowly and his face wore a look of gentle longing.

"I want you to hold me."

It was almost a whisper and for a half second I wasn't sure what he meant. I always held him, we were barely out of each other's arms. But suddenly, his meaning fell into place.

Of course. As hard as I'd held him when we made love before, it would always have seemed little more than a light touch to him, a soft caress. His comment on the sofa earlier, _that feels so good_, took on new meaning, now. I knew how wonderful it felt when he held me as hard as he dared - he'd been missing that.

"I'll hold you," I whispered.

He smiled his crooked smile. "And I want to be able to hold you, too. _Really_ hold you and _keep_ holding you ... ," he swallowed, his eyes became more intense and his voice shook a little. "And not have to let go of you ... when I come."

His words had me on fire.

"You will, Edward."

"I know."

Such simple things. He wanted such simple things.

Then he laughed and the energy coming from him changed a little.

"But there _are_ other things, too."

He started moving away from me, slowly. We'd been at the edge of the clearing and now I followed him as he walked backwards into the meadow. The moonlight filled the space, bathing it in a soft, silvery glow.

"To love you the way I want to, the way you _should_ be loved ... completely, without fear or hesitation."

I nodded, and a shiver of anticipation shot through me. Yes, I wanted that too - for both of us.

He was still moving away, smiling, almost circling me now, and I remembered what he'd said about vampire love being primal and raw. It felt that way now, almost like I was his prey. I was nodding again, following him as he continued to move. His eyes were firey, black, though we'd only hunted that morning.

"I've not let myself really go before, Bella ... ever. ... I don't know what to expect." It was almost a challenge.

My breath was coming so fast, I was almost gasping now.

"We'll find out together," I said.

"I know it will be different," he said. "This will be mate claiming mate, are you ready for that, Bella?" He arched an eyebrow.

And before I could answer he reached up and pulled his t-shirt off over his head, letting it drop to the ground. The moonlight danced over the lines and planes of his body, his chest moving deep and hard with heavy breaths, and my voice was a whisper.

"I'm ready."

He closed the distance between us, not touching me, yet my body could _feel_ him. I was trembling, wanting him, but remembering my new strength, I tried to hold back a little.

"I'll be gentle," I said.

He bent his head and ran his tongue around the shell of my ear as he whispered.

"Don't be."

And then his mouth crashed into mine.

His hands were back in my hair, holding my face to his, and now it was like he couldn't kiss me deeply enough. My hands were on the back of his neck, pulling him closer, crushing him against me. And then he pulled away and moved his face to my neck, nudging at the collar of my shirt. In a swift, vampire move, the shirt was gone. The lace of my bra followed.

He groaned and sank to his knees, burying his head in my stomach, then bringing his face up to nestle between my breasts. While my hands fisted in his hair and clawed at his back his teeth grazed and nipped at my skin as his mouth played first with one breast, then the other. A deep groan growled from my throat as my knees buckled and he caught me, laying me down on the grass, rolling his body on top of mine and the feel of his weight on me was bliss.

I was vaguely aware of my jeans being smoothed off my legs. They lay in a heap with my shirt as Edward sat up, astride me.

"Let me," I reached out, grabbed the waistband of his pants and ripped ... and Edward's head fell back as he hissed. I sat up and pushed lightly against him, pressing him back down against the earth, and watched a smile of delicious surprise and anticipation cross his lips as my intentions became clear.

I explored him, with new senses, seeing the details that I hadn't seen before, rediscovering him with touch and taste. And as my mouth sought him, and claimed him, his body bucked with a pleasure he'd never allowed before. His head fell back as he groaned and growled, deep and guttural, and the sound was beautiful. His fingers twisted in my hair, pulling and tugging.

"Yes, oh, Bella, yes ... please," he was almost sobbing as he lifted his head heavily and watched me with dark, wild eyes. But suddenly he pulled away, shaking and shaken, grabbing me and rolling me beneath him. He crawled up my body, slowly, eyes burning, a low growl rumbling from deep within him.

"Not just yet," he said, answering the question in my eyes. "First I want to be with you ... _like this_." And I growled, rich and deep, as he took me.

I'd never known anything like this. I'd never known _Edward_ like this. He was powerful, unrelenting, possessive. And if every move was claiming me, if every thrust was saying _you're mine_, it was also telling me ... _I'm yours. _This was love without fear, without hesitation, without restraint or limitations - it was pure and perfect. It was absolute_._ I growled his name as I grabbedhim, winding my arms and legs around him, pulling him down to me, holding him tight, bringing him closer, deeper than he'd ever been before. He began to shake again, dropping his head to my shoulder with a moan ...

"Bella ... y_eees_".

Love, ecstasy, relief, all in that one simple word.

My new body, my new senses, everything was amplified, intensified. I could feel him, _really_ feel him ... the flex and coil of every muscle. He held me tight, like he'd never let go, his hands splayed wide and hard across my back and around my hip, as he took me beyond anything I'd ever known before, taking me higher until I shattered, arching, clutching, screaming his name and that I loved him. His eyes were wild, black fire, as he watched me fall apart. He was enraptured by the gift he'd just given me ... but his kisses, tender on my shoulders, throat and breasts, told me it was a gift for him, also.

His arms pulled me up so his legs embraced me and I sat in his lap. He pulled me close, crushing our chests together, and the greater contact made us both groan and growl as his love powered into me, his lips trembling against my neck as he groaned and whispered my name between bites and kisses.

But suddenly, through the urgent haze of desire and need, everything seemed to slow down. And he pulled back, his eyes telling me something new.

The final vestiges of one hundred years of restraint were about to fall away. This last barrier between us, Edward's fear, his control, was ready to crumble, leaving him open and vulnerable. He'd never been so exposed before.

His eyes were telling me and I understood.

I held him even harder.

"I've got you, Edward. I love you."

And he let go.

He came crashing into me with _everything _he'd never been able to give me before. He clung to me and my arms crushed him close. Then he arched away from me, neck and shoulders straining, head thrown back, roaring my name, and his love, his release, abandoned and free, was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen.

His eyes found me again, and in them I could see the staggering depth of his love, his shock, his awe. And then with a shattered gasp, he shuddered once more and collapsed, trembling in my arms.

And his hands never left me.

We lay in the moonlight, our bodies tangled together. Every now and then he'd kiss my hair, my cheek, my ear. He'd murmur how much he loved me and I'd smile and tell him the same. And we'd make love. Again. And again. And again. Even when the storm came.

I knew when dawn approached. The temperature changed imperceptibly before the sky started to lighten,

We were curled around each other. Peaceful, content. My eyes were closed, giving free reign to my other senses. Hearing the movement of beetles in the grass, feeling the air on my skin. Not breeze, just air, moving over my skin in a way that humans wouldn't feel.

I breathed deeply, slowly, letting the air fill my lungs with sweet scents and musky ones. Wildflowers, grass, animals.

"What are you thinking?" he asked, his nose gently traced my ear before his lips touched my skin in a sweet kiss.

"I'm not thinking. Not really. I'm just feeling everything. I'm ... _basking._"

He ran his nose down to my jaw. "Basking is good," he said.

The temperature grew warmer by a fraction of a degree, my bare skin could feel it.

Edward began to sing softly and I remembered he'd done that our first time in the meadow. But I hadn't heard him then, his voice too low for human ears. He'd had to tell me.

"You have a beautiful voice," I murmured, almost sleepily, though I was far from that.

"Thank you."

"You sing when you're happy, I know that. I just couldn't always hear it." He chuckled softly. "But now I will."

We were silent again, I let my fingers trace spirals over the small of his back. He groaned and I could feel him respond.

"More?" he chuckled, his voice low, making it sound like velvet with just one word. I giggled. I loved the sound of his voice.

"Talk to me."

"Talk? You want to talk?" The velvet held just a trace of disappointment.

I nodded, smiling. I just wanted to listen to him with my eyes closed.

"Then I suggest you stop doing what you're doing, love ... " his whisper was husky, tempting. "Or you won't get any sense out of me at all."

I opened my eyes a crack and found him staring at me, and mixed with the desire I saw a look of pure peace and contentment on his face like I'd never seen before. It had been a good night.

I smiled and flattened my hand against him, stilling my motions. He took a steady breath and I closed my eyes again.

"What would you like me to talk about? Shall I compare thee to a summer's day? Or shall I recite passages from _Wuthering Heights_? Do you want me to quote Heathcliff?"

I laughed and so did he. "No. I want to hear Edward. Tell me anything ... I don't know, um, ... tell me what was in your emails when you checked last night. I've been away from the world for three days."

His hand was stroking over my hip and thigh, lazy circles, and at my words he leant over and gently kissed the scar on my throat. It made me smile.

"My emails," he sighed. "Alright ... lets see, the lease on the Chicago house is up in October and the tenants won't be renewing."

"Oh, really? You'll have to find new ones, then?"

I felt him shrug. "At some stage, I suppose. And Audi are bringing out a new sports model, the R8 Spyder, very exciting."

I smirked. "You've already got two cars, Edward. How many do you need?"

"Three."

I laughed out loud and could feel his body shake with silent chuckles. "Really, I'm just on their alert list, that's all. I'm not buying one."

"Not yet, anyway, right?"

I felt his head move against me in a gentle shake, his lips curved into a smile against my neck. "You know me too well, love." He kissed my shoulder. "And that suits me fine."

His fingers trailed over my stomach, down towards my hip, slowly moving lower. "Can I stop talking now?" He started nibbling on my neck and I knew I'd never get tired of that. With Edward I'd never get tired of anything.

"Mm, just a bit more," I said and his lips pouted against my skin. "I'm enjoying listening, _really _listening. To you. To everything. Was there anything else?"

"Mm, there was. Rebecca says the students have been booked to play at the city's Christmas concert again this year."

I opened my eyes and saw him smiling, hair tumbling all over his forehead and into his eyes.

"That's fantastic, Edward." I squeezed my arms around him and blew softly into his face, moving some strands out of the way. He blinked and smiled wider. "The organisers must be keen, it's only August."

"Their performance was very popular last year," he said. "And I imagine it's important to start organising early with these things."

"I suppose so." I nestled back into him. I was so proud of him supporting George's work, helping to continue all the good his son had started. "Edward, would you like to go to the concert?"

His body tensed slightly for just a second. Then he relaxed and when he answered I was pleased with his honesty.

"I would like to, yes, but not if it makes you uncomfortable."

"Well, it's four months away, from what everyone says I should be _safe_ by then."

He smiled. "I don't doubt at all that you'll be ready by then. But it wasn't quite what I meant." He gave an awkward half shrug and suddenly I understood what he was getting at.

"I'd like to go, Edward." I brought up my hands to place on either side of his face. "I'm proud of the school, too, and I'm proud of what you're doing. I'd like to see them play."

And Edward smiled, and wrapped his arms around me tighter.

"Oh! But my eyes will still be red! And Rebecca will know I'm different!"

"Rebecca doesn't have to know we're there. As for your eyes, you could wear contact lenses."

I screwed up my face.

"What?" he asked. "You don't like the idea of contact lenses?"

I shook my head. "No, I don't. Just the thought of putting them in my eyes ... ," I shuddered and he laughed.

"You haven't changed at all," he kissed my head and whispered, "Thank God."

I snuggled into him and his chin rested on the top of my head.

"Will we stay in the hotel we stayed in last time? I liked it there and that room has plenty of space for Abbey."

"Mm, we could."

"I feel a _but_ coming on."

He laughed softly.

"We could stay there, _or ..._ I don't have to find new tenants. We could stay in my house, if you'd like."

Was he kidding?

"We could do that?" I shifted so I could see his face.

"Yes." His eyes were bright.

"Oh, I'd like that, Edward. I'd like that very much!"

He squeezed me tight again and I knew, from his face and his hug, he liked it very much, too.

"Actually, love ... maybe we could stay a bit longer after the concert." He was a little hesitant now. "Maybe, if you're agreeable, we could stay for Christmas."

He looked into my face and my still heart seemed to swell at the eagerness, and hope, in his eyes.

"It's just an idea, but it's a large house, plenty of space, we could invite Charlie, and Sue of course, and the rest of the family. Abbey could have my old room."

He paused, taking a deep breath. He didn't need the air to breathe, but he needed it to speak.

"We could make Abbey's first Christmas a big, traditional family Christmas."

In his family home, where he'd had many happy Christmases as a child. I cupped his face in my hands and kissed him tenderly, understanding exactly how much that would mean to him, and to me, too. My happiness bubbled over as I laughed.

"It sounds perfect, Edward."

He grinned. "Yes, it does."

And then he rolled on his back, pulling me on top of him, his grin got bigger and he started laughing, great sounds full of joy.

"If someone had told me two years ago that I would be brought to _this _point now, I would have thought them mad."

He brought one hand up to play in my hair, the other was making long strokes along my back.

"Bella, when we were first married, I revelled in the thought that you never had to go home again. Your home was _with me _and every time the realization struck me it felt like I'd explode with happiness. And now, knowing how far we've come together, having Abbey, being a family, and knowing that _now _I'll have you forever, we'll never be apart, I'll never have to lose you or give you up. Ever. It's almost too much happiness."

I trailed kisses over his chest and he sighed.

"I love you, Bella," he said simply. "I love and adore you."

I smiled and lifted my face to kiss his lips. Slowly, I moved lower so my lips followed the soft trail of hair that led from his chest downwards. He moaned, eyes closed, his expression showing the bliss he was feeling.

His hands stroked softly along my sides, trailing up to tease the curves at the sides of my breasts. I giggled as I brought my face up to his.

"I love you,too," I whispered. "And Edward?"

"Mm?" His eyes fluttered open and he used one hand to push my hair gently away from my face as I looked down at him.

"You can stop talking now."

"Abbey will be awake soon," I murmured. "I want us to be there when she wakes up."

Edward nodded and kissed me, uncurling himself from me slowly and sitting up to look for our clothes which lay scattered across the grass. But a second later his face tilted up to the pale, grey sky.

"What is it?"

He held up a finger, asking me to wait. Another second later he stood, gently pulling me with him, his eyes still on the sky.

"Edward?" I was starting to laugh at his odd behaviour. "What's happening."

"Follow me," he said, still staring upwards.

We walked a short distance towards the northern side of the meadow.

"Here," he said, standing still, facing me and holding my hands.

"I feel like I'm human again, not understanding what's going on while you do."

"This will come with experience," he said and I still wasn't sure what he meant. Then his hands tensed on mine. "Here it comes."

He lifted his face fully to the sky, just as the clouds parted enough for a soft beam of morning sunlight to filter through. He dropped his eyes to mine.

"Look, Bella," he said softly.

And I looked down at the rainbows that bounced off our skin.

I gasped and pulled my hands gently out of his, turning them over, watching the diamonds of light as they played on my arms, my chest, feet and legs. I turned my head, looking over my shoulder and yes, even on my bare behind. Edward laughed as I checked out my sparkly bum.

"Amazing," I breathed, turning back to him and putting my hands back in his. I looked at him, sparkling and shining in the light. "Beautiful," I rlifted my hands and ran them over his chest, his face.

His eyes were soft and warm, full of love as he stared at me.

"Beautiful," he whispered and pulled me into his arms, his lips finding mine. "Beautiful."

I remembered the first time I'd ever seen him sparkle. It had been here. We'd declared ourselves. The beautiful, strong vampire and the plain, weak human.

"Huh, guess I'm not a lamb anymore."

I looked up into his eyes - they were questioning now, waiting for me to elaborate.

"Remember? The first day we came here. You said the lion fell in love with the lamb. I guess I'm not a lamb anymore, am I?"

"You never were, Bella." His hands stroked over my skin, satin over silk. "You were always the lion. _I _was the lamb."

I stared at him, trying to get my head around what he'd just said. He smiled and pulled me closer, wrapping me in his strong arms.

"But ... ,"

"I've always been at your mercy, Bella." He kissed the top of my head. "From the first time I saw you."

Then he scooped me up into his arms, kissing my lips and sighing.

I nestled against his chest, thinking over his words, a surprised smile on my lips. He always thought _he_ was the weak one, and I always thought ...

I put my fingers to his cheek, pressing gently for him to look at me. "No more lions, no more lambs, just Edward and Bella from now on, okay?" I smiled.

He kissed my forehead. "Just Bella and Edward. Forever."

I felt my chest swell.

"Forever."

He smiled, brilliant and breathtaking, his eyes overflowing with the love and contentment I was feeling, too.

"Come on, love, lets go home." He started carrying me through the wildflowers. "We have someone waiting for us."

THE END

**Author Note:** This is the last chapter of Blood Lines, although I plan to write an epilogue from Edward's point of view where we'll see a little into the future and he'll reflect back on certain parts of the story and we'll see what he was thinking and feeling at those times.

A huge thank you to all the people who read and who've sent me reviews and messages, they're all very much appreciated :)


	23. Chapter 23: Edward's Epilogue Part 1

**AUTHOR NOTE:**

**Hi, yes, hello ... here at last is the promised epilogue in Edward's point of view! Sorry it took a while. **

**I've decided to post it in two parts because Edward had a lot to say, it seems. Hope you like part 1. **

**And I want to say thank you to all the people who have been reviewing, PMing and recommending this story, your support blows me away, thanks very much.**

**Enough of me, lets let Edward have his say ...**

* * *

Forks, July 2006

I frowned at the computer screen. I'd already read the email several times, trying to make sense of it, slightly irritated that my lawyers even bothered to forward it to me. Obviously a mistake had been made, they had the wrong Edward Masen, and yet the words stirred something ... not a memory, just a feeling of recognition which was growing and starting to unsettle me.

I read the words again.

My feet barely skimmed the dirt as I ran through the trees with the email screwed up tight in my hand. It felt heavy, like lead.

It only took minutes for me to reach the hospital and I burst through the doors, barely bothering to modify my pace, as I scanned the thoughts around me, searching for Carlisle's. He was in his office, alone, and I tore down the hallway, slamming the door open without even bothering to turn the handle. It swung back and crashed shut behind me, shaking the wall.

Carlisle was already standing and from his expression, from the freezing of his thoughts, I knew my face was something to see. "Edward, what is ... not Bella?"

I shook my head, fear and panic robbing me of speech. No, the problem wasn't Bella, not yet. I held out the piece of paper, my fingers shaking so much it was almost a blur.

"Is it true?" My whisper broke as Carlisle took the paper from me. His eyes scanned the words, his thoughts told me nothing.

"Is it?"

Now my fingernails were digging into my palms while my fists squeezed and clenched and the words of the email were on repeat in my head.

_.... brief engagement ... Lucy Catterall ... a son, George ... information .... Edward Masen ..._

I wasn't breathing, Carlisle was taking too long to answer, Bella would be home soon, I should be on my way to Charlie's, not standing here ...

"Is it true?" There was an edge to my voice now.

Finally, Carlisle frowned and let out a heavy breath.

"I ... I don't know," he said quietly and he looked up at me and there was confusion and pain in his eyes. "Edward, it could be."

His words hit like a heavy blow to my chest. My legs actually buckled as I backed up against the wall and let myself sink to the floor. I shook my head slowly, no.

"Edward ... ,"

"How?" I whispered. _"How?"_

Carlisle came around from behind his desk and crouched in front of me while I stared, frozen, at a point on the wall. My racing thoughts fragmented and scattered, telescoping from hundreds down to one - Bella ... if this was true, then ... oh, dear Lord ...

"What do you remember, Edward?"

I shook my head slowly, still staring.

"Nothing. Nothing." I mumbled. Then I shifted my gaze, and looked at him. His mind was still blank, his eyes still pained as he watched me. "Just ... nothing at first, I thought they'd made a mistake, but then ... the name seemed familiar, like I've heard it before, but don't know who it is. And it makes me feel anxious ... I don't know why."

Carlisle's eyebrows had come together in concentration as he stared back at the paper.

"Tell me, please," I whispered.

He rubbed his hand over his face and sat back on his heels.

"Edward, all I know is that after both your parents had died, a man named Albert Catterall came to the hospital. He asked to see the doctor in charge of your case and I met with him briefly. He said he was a business associate of your father's and a close friend of your family and he wondered about your progress, whether it was likely you'd recover."

I listened closely as he remembered. I wanted to find something in his words that would make me remember, make me realise this was a mistake - _because that was what it had to be._

"I told him you were very ill, recovery wasn't likely. He seemed resigned. He asked no more questions, he gave me no message for you, he just left."

"Albert Catterall," I murmured. That name was familiar, too.

"After your change, when you decided to secure your inheritance, it meant people had to know you were still alive, but would be leaving Chicago. I contacted your father's law firm and, because he had come asking after you, I contacted Albert Catterall. He was planning to leave for New York with his wife and daughter."

"The daughter's name?"

"Lucy."

My world spiraled away from me into the unknown.

"So, they haven't got the wrong person." My throat had constricted, my voice was choked. Immediately, Carlisle reached out a comforting hand and rested it firmly on my shoulder.

"I don't know, Edward. They were known to you, but it doesn't mean you fathered ... "

"STOP!"

I shoved away from the wall quickly, away from Carlisle's comfort, away from the possibility that this could be true. I stood now, with my back to him, my hands tearing at my hair.

"Please ... stop."

There was silence as Carlisle stood and shut off his thoughts.

"This isn't _me_," I hissed. "This isn't _me_, I would never ... ," I shook my head, trying to clear the thoughts. "Why can't I REMEMBER?" My palms slammed down hard on the surface of the desk and the timber creaked, pens rolled off onto the floor, the photos of Esme fell over. I was breathing fast and the venom was flooding my mouth, as though my body was preparing for attack.

"Edward, please ...."

"This can't be happening," I muttered. "It's a mistake. They've confused me with someone else." I turned quickly to face Carlisle again. "I _know _I've only ever loved Bella ... I'd remember if there'd been someone before." I dragged both my hands through my hair again and began to pace back and forth, speaking quickly as I tried to make sense of what was happening.

"I mean, when I was about fourteen we had a cook, Jessie and I thought she was pretty. It's a vague memory, very vague, but if I can remember something as small as that, then _surely _I'd remember something as significant as being in love with someone and asking her to marry me and ... _being with her_. And ... _a child?_"

The possibility that I might have fathered a child didn't bear thinking about. The thing I most wanted to give Bella and couldn't - I couldn't bear the thought that I might have given that to someone else. That was just ... no. No.

I swallowed down some more venom as I paced, shaking my head, talking to myself as much as to Carlisle.

"It's not true. I don't believe that's something I would have done outside marriage. It wasn't how I was raised." I swallowed twice more. "I wouldn't _do that_."

There was silence, both of us immobile, stone.

"Who _was_ I, Carlisle?"

All my talk of virtue, of waiting, and now ...

_I know enough of who you were, Edward, to know that this can't all be as it seems._

I wanted to run, I wanted to turn off my brain so I never had to think about this again. I wanted to hold Bella and tell her I loved her.

I wanted to hear that she loved me.

"What do you want to do?" Carlisle's quiet voice broke through after a while.

"I can't hurt her." My words were hard, determined and they didn't answer Carlisle's question, but it was all I could say, all I could think.

I sank back down to the floor, leaning my back against the desk, now.

"I can't hurt her."

"Edward I ...."

"Nothing! I'm going to do nothing!" I snapped.

_Nothing?_

I lifted my head and let out a long breath. "I'll go home and send a reply telling them they made a mistake, they have the wrong person. That'll be the end of it. Like it never happened."

"Without knowing for sure if .... ,"

"Like. It. Never. Happened," I repeated, this time through gritted teeth.

Carlisle sighed. "And Bella?"

I winced and closed my eyes.

"Bella doesn't have to know."

Carlisle was silent again, in words and mind. I knew he would disagree with my decision, no doubt he was disappointed, but he wouldn't say so. As was often the case between the two of us his silence said everything.

"I promised Bella I'd never hurt her again." I was justifying my decision. I was trying to protect her. Then I sighed. "I can't lose her." My voice faltered now and I heard the fear in my admission. I was doing this to protect Bella, but, selfish creature that I was, I was also doing this to protect _me_.

I looked up into Carlisle's eyes. They were troubled, but I could see understanding there.

I shook my head roughly. I couldn't even think what this would mean for us. She'd taken me back so willingly after our return from Italy, she'd given me back her trust, she believed in me. I groaned, and rubbed the heels of my hands hard into my eyes.

There was more silence. And then my fear and panic gave way to anger and a crushing feeling of defeat and I growled, slamming my shoulder back against the desk twice, cracking the walnut grain.

"I know, I know," I snarled, teeth clenched. "Eternity is a long time to live with a secret like this, I know."

"It would always be between you, Edward, even if you don't tell her, you'll remember, you'll wonder. " Carlisle sighed. "I know you, Edward, it would change who you are when you're with Bella."

He was right, but I just couldn't bear to face it. I slammed my shoulder into the desk again and then pulled my knees up, hugging them to me. I closed my eyes.

"We were so close. _So close_."Only six weeks away from making Bella my wife. "Why did I ever think that it would happen, Carlisle? How was I arrogant enough to think that I could have her, that I could have happiness like that?"

_Bella loves you, Edward. Whatever the truth is, she'll understand, I believe that. Don't underestimate her love for you, son._

I nodded, more in acknowledgment of his thoughts than in agreement, and let out a long, heavy breath. Bella needed to know. But I wouldn't tell her now, not yet.

"I need to find out more, first. I need to know what the truth_ is_ ... then I'll decide what to do." I tilted my head back against the desk. "If it's all a mistake there's no need for her to know."

Carlisle nodded and I brought my head forward again, rubbing my hands over my face, speaking through my fingers.

"The message from the lawyers said they have documents and papers to support ... _that_." I nodded at the crumpled paper which now lay on the floor. "They could send those to me, but there's a diary as well and the owner won't let it be released out of the lawyers' care." I couldn't bring myself to use the woman's name, that would make it too real, somehow. "They can make a copy and send it, but ... I think I need to go to Chicago, I need to see ... places. I need ... ,"

I needed for this to not be true, but somehow I felt all the answers lay in the city of my human life, and not in copies scanned and sent via email or through the post.

"I need to go to Chicago."

Carlisle gripped my shoulder and smiled faintly. "It might help with the memories."

"Visit the scene of the crime?" The bitterness in my voice was obvious and he frowned.

"No, that's not what I meant."

"I know, I'm sorry." I took a quick breath. "But I think going is the only way I'll know for sure."

"Would you like company? I can ask Dr Lewis to cover for me."

My first reaction was to say no, I'd disrupted him enough already.

"Yes, thank you, Carlisle."

The memories came back that evening as we drove to Chicago in the dark. I'd been poking and prodding at my subconscious like it was a festering sore and at last the wound broke open. Fast and sudden, the images, sounds and feelings gushed forward, flooding my memory and the steering wheel shook beneath my fingers as the shock shattered me. I skidded off the road, threw open the door and fell out of the car, onto my knees in the dirt as I began to heave.

I _hadn't _loved her. I'd tried to stop her, but I'd been weak. I'd given in. Then I'd hurt her. I'd hurt her so much that she'd cried.

And I'd left her pregnant and unmarried, leaving my responsibility for others to take care of.

I wasn't the man I'd thought I'd been.

And I could never be the man I wanted to be ... for Bella.

Bella.

In the dark, in the dirt, by the side of the road, I began to sob.

I had always been a monster.

* * *

Chicago, December 2007

I ran my thumb through the paint, smudging the pink of the Mad Hatter's cheeks, shading them, giving the impression of light and life. I stepped back to look at the wall, rubbing my hands on a rag as my eyes took in the details - the whiskers on the March Hare and the Dormouse, the flowers on the tea pot, the ribbon in Alice's hair, the lace edge of the table cloth.

"Not bad," I muttered as I studied my work carefully. The brush strokes were vaguely visible in the blue of the March Hare's bow tie and I stepped forward quickly, smoothing them away with my fingers. Then I moved back again to look, running my hand through my hair, pushing it out of my eyes.

"Better," I nodded.

Satisfied that the room was finished I bent down to gather up the brushes and paint tins, just as the phone in my pocket vibrated. I grinned when I saw the caller ID.

"Bella, love," I breathed.

"I miss you," her soft voice came down the line and went straight to my heart.

"I miss you, too." Truer words had never been spoken and I had to remind myself why I was doing this.

It was an early morning in early December. The Christmas concert was three days away and I'd come ahead to Chicago, alone, to get the house ready for Bella and Abbey. It went against everything I was to take myself away from my family, but this was something I needed to do.

I'd come a long way since I'd met Bella, I knew that. Now I barely recognised myself as that boy in the Biology room nearly three years before. But as far as I'd come I was still, somewhat, a product of my human time and in my human time, when a man married, he usually provided a home for his wife.

And I hadn't had that opportunity.

Our first home together had been my bedroom. Now our cottage was home, and we were incredibly happy there. It was the place we'd shared many firsts and too many happy times to count, but it had been a generous wedding gift and my input had been small.

But this house, here, was mine to give, mine to share with her. I wanted to carry her over the threshold and show her around, into every room. I wanted to give her a home ... this home. My home.

And Bella had understood. So she had kissed me goodbye, sent me on my way and I missed her and Abbey before the Volvo left the driveway. Now, a day and a night later, I craved her like the drug she was to me.

"So how's the mad tea party?" she asked.

"Just finished." I wondered if she could hear the longing in my voice. There was a pause and I suspected she could.

"I can't wait to see it. How does it look?"

I cast another critical look at the wall and smiled. "Not bad."

She snorted and I gave a soft laugh, loving the sound, letting it wash over me.

"You say _not bad_ but I can hear the smile in your voice, Edward. It's amazing, isn't it?" And _I_ could hear the smile in _her_ voice.

I shrugged, grinning. "I'm happy with it." I moved over to flick a speck of dust that had just landed on the Dormouse's nose.

"She's going to love it, Edward."

My grin stretched wider. "I hope so."

Alice had bought Abbey a copy of _Alice in Wonderland_, and although she was far too young yet to understand or appreciate the story, she was entranced by the picture of the Mad Tea Party which was spread across the middle pages. She would stare and puzzle and point and Bella had suggested I recreate the picture in Abbey's Chicago bedroom - my childhood bedroom.

I heard scuffling coming through the phone, followed by fast, shallow breaths and Bella's voice just a whisper in the background.

"Say hello to Daddy."

My grin was competing with the Cheshire Cat now.

"Abbey?"

"Daddad."

My laughter rang through the house, echoing around the empty rooms.

"How's my girl?" My angel.

"Boon!"

"Boon?"

"Boon! Boon!"

My mind started processing what she could mean. Spoon? Baboon, perhaps?

"Have you been looking in your animal book?"

"It's balloon." Bella's voice returned.

"Ah." Of course.

"There was a Santa outside the Thrift Way giving away balloons. Esme brought one home for her and Emmett drew your face on it."

I laughed. "Is it a good likeness?" I could just imagine. Emmett wasn't known for his artistic ability.

"Not at all, but Abbey thought it was wonderful ... until it burst."

"Oh."

"She bit it."

"Oh! Is she alright?" My hand tightened on the phone as I was swamped with visions of rubber fragments stinging her in the face or sticking in her throat.

"Relax, she's fine. She cried a little, from fright at first and then because she realised she couldn't have it back again."

I was torn at the thought of Abbey being unhappy or frightened, even for something like a burst balloon.

"Tell her that Daddy will have ten balloons waiting for her when she gets here."

There was a pause and Bella's exasperated sigh was so soft I almost didn't catch it. Then she spoke.

"Abbey, Daddy will get you_ a_ new balloon."

I rolled my eyes and could practically hear her doing the same thing on the other end.

"Bella ... ,"

"_One_ balloon, Edward."

I chuckled softly. Perhaps ten was a bit too much.

"You're so excited, aren't you?" she said warmly and I laughed as I sank to the floor, sitting cross legged amongst the paint tins.

"Just a bit," I grinned and she began to laugh and I closed me eyes as the sound filled me.

"Me too," she said. "I can't wait to be there."

I couldn't wait for her to be here, either.

"Are you feeling comfortable about the flight?" I asked.

"I think so. I'll hunt again tonight, just to be sure. Alice still doesn't see any problems."

There was just the slightest trace of apprehension in her voice and I wanted, more than anything, to be with her, to help her through this.

"You know I'm happy to drive back for you if you'd prefer. It wouldn't take me long, we'd still be here in time for the concert."

"But that seems silly, making you drive back and forth."

"I like to drive."

"I know," I could hear her smirking now. "But this is something I want to do. And it's not a long flight and you'll be at the end of it, waiting for us."

"Tomorrow, gate two at twelve fifteen, I'll be there."

She giggled a little. "And how will I recognise you, Mr Cullen?"

I laughed and was about to make a joke about wearing a pink carnation in my button hole, but as I opened my mouth I caught my reflection in the window and grimaced. Then I looked down at my fingers.

"Er, I'll be the man with blue paint in his hair."

There was silence and then more snickering, just as Abbey began to grizzle.

"Ooh, breakfast time. Someone wants their toast and runny egg."

I sighed down the phone. "You'd better go."

"Yeah. I'll call you later?"

"If I don't call you first."

She laughed softly. "I love you."

"And I you."

And with a click she was gone to prepare breakfast for our daughter. I stared at the phone in my hand, not quite ready for the connection to end. I smiled as I imagined Bella settling Abbey into her highchair, then moving around the kitchen, talking and singing to her while trying not to grimace at the smell of runny egg, and Abbey would bang her spoon on the tray and sing along in her own way, her chubby cheeks stretching with her giggles.

Bella was probably wearing one of my t-shirts - it made her feel closer to me, she'd told me last night when we'd talked. It would be moving softly around her thighs now as she worked. I sighed again and slowly closed the phone. There'd be time for that later ... tonight ... when we'd talk after Abbey was asleep.

I gathered up the paint things and began to walk downstairs, taking them to store in the old, wooden shed that sat in the back corner of the yard. My eyes made another quick scan of the newly-painted rooms, taking in the soft, warm, neutral colours that Bella liked, as I made my way out to the shed.

I stacked the half full paint tins on the rickety wooden shelves and looked around. I hadn't been allowed in here as a small child and it had seemed fascinating and mysterious as a result. But the shed had lost its mystique a few years later when I started doing chores - there'd been nothing mysterious about painting the fence or cutting the grass or stacking the firewood.

My fingers grazed fondly over the rusted, metal handle as I shut the door behind me and walked over to the oak tree that stood by the back fence.

I'd had a tree house there, I could still see the marks on the trunk and a couple of odd fragments of rotted wood where my father had fixed its platform in place. I would climb up there and spend whole afternoons reading - _Treasure Island, Huckleberry Finn, Robin Hood_. Or sometimes I'd play with friends, we'd fire rocks with a slingshot, just to see how far they would go. There'd been more than one broken window and more than once my backside had felt the consequences.

I smiled and headed back inside, making sure all the windows were open to let the cold December air flow through the house, diluting the smell of the quick-drying paint - I didn't want Abbey breathing in the fumes.

I'd been busy since I'd arrived the afternoon before. As I'd worked my mind had been firmly set on the future, focused on our plans for the house, on Christmas, on the gift I was planning for Bella. But now that the painting was done, the safety barriers were installed on the stairs and I'd finished the few repairs that needed to be made, I was left with nothing to do but wait for the vans that were bringing the old furniture I'd had in storage for almost ninety years, and the new furniture Bella and I had chosen to fill in the gaps.

I grabbed my backpack and pulled out my iPod, plugging it in and selecting my _Bella_ playlist. Then I lay down on my back in the middle of the empty living room and took a deep breath. I closed my eyes and let my mind wander.

I'd left this house on a stretcher, bound for hospital, in 1918 and I'd only been back twice. The first time was with Carlisle, not long after my change. I'd collected a few treasured possessions and arranged for the storage of some furniture and the disposal of the rest.

The second time was in 1927. The house had been empty, between tenants, and my inspection had been quick and cursory, not wanting to linger, feeling too much the presence of my parents, feeling their disappointment, their disgust, with what I'd become. After that I had let my property managers take over completely. It was only weeks later that I left Carlisle and went off on my own.

But now everything was different and I was revelling in the incredible turn my life had taken. And it _really_ _was a life_ now. My parents would love Bella, they'd adore their granddaughter ... and they'd be _proud of me._

I knew that.

And they'd be delighted that I was bringing my family home for Christmas.

Memories of childhood Christmases flickered through my mind - some sharp and clear, others vague and scratchy. Decorating the tree with my mother, my father putting the star on top, being allowed to eat breakfast in my pyjamas on Christmas morning instead of getting dressed first. That train set!

And one day soon there'd be a new Christmas tree in this room. And we'd decorate it together ... _my_ family and me, with Abbey's crystal star at the top. And this year we'd add the crystal swan I'd bought for Bella.

Bella.

When Bella had come into my life she'd stirred the humanity that was locked deep inside me. She made me feel human and for a long time that had been the pinnacle for me ... feeling human. But now I was _more_ than that.

I _wasn't_ human, and it didn't matter that I was a vampire ... I was just Edward. And I'd become the man that I had once hoped to be ... I was the man I _wanted_ to be.

I had reached this point by no easy means, but the darker times had moulded me as much as the good, and my mind meandered in a different direction now.

_"You gave her a part of you that should have been mine. Mine."_

Even now the chill of that memory went bone-deep. I had sat beside her on that log, in that damp clearing, and listened to myself slowly break her heart, one confession at a time.

I had considered lying.

Earlier on that day, when I'd returned from Chicago, I'd stood on her doorstep, listening to her heartbeat in the bedroom above as she turned the pages of a book. She was waiting for me. Three times I'd lifted my hand to knock and three times I'd stopped. Because while I stood there, on the mat outside her front door, she still loved me. While I stood there her heart was still whole. The fourth time I'd raised my hand I'd almost put my fist through the door.

_"I am yours, Bella."_

She had to know that. I had _needed_ her to know that. I'd touched her hand, gently, trying to show her, trying to put all my love into that graze of my fingers on her skin. I was hers.

_"No."_

And she'd pulled away from me.

And suddenly I was consumed with anger, and a boulder at the edge of the clearing bore the brunt of it. I'd slammed my fists into the granite and it crumbled and powdered as my anger poured through me and into it.

I was angry with myself, with Lucy, with Carlisle for not letting me die because right then that would have been preferable to this. Angry with my lawyers for sending the email. Angry with my parents, with George, with his granddaughter. Angry that Renee married Phil and Bella had ever encountered me in the first place.

And I was angry at what this had done to Bella, angry that I couldn't comfort her. Angry that her heart and mind had been polluted with the thought of me with me someone else. I was sickened to think of the images she probably saw in her head.

But I was also angry _for me ... _because this had happened to _me, too._

The boulder was rubble and I'd realised that she'd stopped crying. I had turned slowly - would she be frightened of me now on top of everything else? Her eyes were swollen and sad and she had looked at me like she was seeing me for the first time. No doubt seeing the monster I really was, and now understanding the monster I'd always been.

I had debated whether I should speak. Maybe it was better to be silent and just let her go, as I was sure she would ... but I couldn't let her leave thinking everything had been a lie ... that _we_ had been a lie. I couldn't let her leave carrying the self-doubt that I knew was settling over her. I couldn't let her think that someone else had ever had my heart. Because, human or vampire, I hadn't had a heart until I met Bella.

_"I am yours, Bella. With everything that I am, I am yours."_

I had to make her understand.

_"Until time stops. Until I cease to exist. I. Am. Yours."_

Those memories were still painful, but they didn't drag me as deeply into the dark as they once had. Now when the darkness beckoned I focused on what I had, not how much I could have lost. I focused on how she'd given me her hand that day and said she believed me. On the relief that scorched through me like fire when she said it and our hands touched.

I would think about the love that meant she had stayed, that meant the next day she curled up in my lap while we read that vile diary. And she'd comforted me as the appalling truth unfolded. She had touched my cheek when I'd been too ashamed to look at her. When the rage I felt at Lucy's actions meant I couldn't trust myself to hold Bella, _she _had held _me_, stroking my arm, tracing my palm. Loving me.

The phone in my pocket vibrated, breaking me from my thoughts and I grabbed it eagerly, my mood lifting, hoping to see Bella's name on the ID.

"Alice?"

"Don't sound so disappointed, Edward."

I smirked a little while she pretended to sound hurt. "I'm surprised, not disappointed." I sat up now.

"Mmm, sure. Anyway," her tone brightened. "I'm ringing to say it'll be alright, don't worry, she'll love it."

My mind raced, trying to fathom which worry she was talking about. I usually had a few going at any one time.

"Who will love what, Alice?"

There was an exasperated sigh. "Bella and her Christmas present. She'll love it."

"Oh."

Sometimes her smugness was irritating so I considered being vague and aloof about her comment ... but I _had _been worried so I jumped at the information instead.

"You can see that? She's happy?"

"Eventually."

"Eventually? That doesn't sound ... "

"Once she's over the shock. You don't need me to tell you she'll be shocked."

"No, I ... I know that. That much is assumed." I was already wincing at the thought of her initial reaction.

"You made the final decision yesterday, didn't you?"

"Yes."

"And you're seeing your lawyers today." She really had seen everything.

"Yes."

She giggled. "I'm so glad. You've been going back and forth about it for weeks, your indecision was practically giving me headaches."

"Why didn't you say something before? It could have saved us both."

"Because you hadn't decided yet, I couldn't see what happened! But now it's all good. So what else are you doing today?"

"Why don't you tell me, Alice."

She laughed. "I could, but I was giving _you _the chance to."

I rolled my eyes. "Well, the furniture will be here soon, so I'll arrange that. There's the meeting with the lawyers, as you know. I have to get some groceries for Abbey and I thought I might visit the music school."

"Not _might_, you will."

I shook my head, she was so annoying when she was like this.

"Why so focused on me, today, Alice?"

She was quiet for a moment and when she answered her voice was softer.

"Because I think change is coming, Edward. It's just flickers right now, nothing's concrete, but ... something's changing."

Immediately, my body tensed, my jaw locked hard so when I spoke it was almost through clenched teeth.

"You're choosing to tell me this now? On the phone, when I'm away from my family?"

"Edward ... ,"

"What sort of change?"

"Don't panic, nothing bad, I just think things are going in a new direction."

"Things?" I should abandon this whole Chicago idea, jump in the car and drive back to Forks right now. "What new direction?" I was standing, car keys were in my hand, ready.

On the other end of the phone Alice sighed. "I'm not sure exactly, but whatever it is, it's all good, I promise. It's just flashes, but in all of them you're happy and smiling. Bella, too."

"Abbey?"

"She's there, too. Fuzzy, of course, as usual, but I know she's there."

I relaxed my fingers around the keys a little.

"And it's good? You're sure?"

"Absolutely. And if you come home now, like you're considering, you'll ruin whatever it is, I can tell that much." There was a moment's silence. "Trust me, Edward. This time in Chicago will be good for you and Bella."

I returned the keys to my pocket and dragged my hand through my hair, trying to calm my agitation.

"Bella's flight here?"

"She'll be fine, Edward. It will go very smoothly."

I nodded. "Is she there now?"

"She's taken Abbey to visit Charlie."

I remembered, she had mentioned it yesterday when we spoke.

"Ooh, I'd better go, your furniture is about to arrive and Jacob will be here soon. I have to prepare."

"Jacob?"

Alice giggled down the phone.

"Yes, he called Bella a little while ago and asked for help and she put him onto me. He's got a big date tonight with a girl and he wants to dress to impress her. She obviously doesn't mind the smell."

I was completely floored. He'd kept this quiet. "Has he imprinted?"

"No, he hasn't, but he really likes her and it sounds like they're well-suited. She has an old car and she brought it into the garage where he works, wanting to get it rebuilt. He's been working on it for her, turning it into this amazing piece of machinery."

I snorted a laugh. "He's pimping her ride, is he?"

"Sounds like it!" She giggled. "So, no victory dance today, Edward?"

I groaned and shook my head.

"It was _one time,_ Alice."

"I know, but it was so un-you, it was great."

I was never going to live that down.

I'd been wary when Jacob had come to see Bella soon after Abbey was born. I knew how deeply Bella loved me, I no longer saw Jacob as the threat I once had, but I wasn't completely sure of his motives and I didn't want him to upset her. They went for their walk, and I was talking to Rosalie while she held Abbey, trying not to listen in to their conversation but at the same time keeping an ear out for Bella in case she needed me. They'd been gone a few minutes when I heard him say it.

_I think I'm over you, Bells. It's not you, it's me._

My smile started out slowly, becoming a grin. I felt a weight had been lifted from my shoulders, because I knew a weight would have been lifted from Bella's. She wouldn't have to carry the guilt of his love anymore. The dog was finally out of our hair.

And then I was laughing, hissing _'yes'_, over and over again while doing an elaborate victory dance in the middle of the living room, much to the amusement of my family. It was a completely adolescent moment, especially when Emmett came back downstairs.

"Woohoo, Edward!" He laughed as he leapt over the coffee table, giving me high-five as he landed next to me and joined in with his own moves, dropping onto his back and kicking his legs in the air before jumping up again and gyrating his hips. I laughed along with him and when I stopped dancing a moment later Emmett clapped me on the back.

"That was great, man. So ... why were we dancing?"

I smiled now as I thought of it.

"No victory dance today, Alice. I need Emmett for that, remember?"

I had to admit, though, I was pleased for Jacob Black. And for Bella ... she'd want to see him happy.

I turned to the window then, the furniture vans were approaching as Alice had said.

"The vans are almost here Alice."

"Okay, you'd better go. I'll see you soon."

"See you soon. And thanks for the call, I appreciate it."

"My pleasure. Oh, and Edward?"

"Yes?"

"I know you want to, but don't put the sofa under the window, it'll just look wrong."

* * *

The furniture was all in place, sofa in front of the fireplace, not under the window. The groceries were bought and the kitchen stocked for Abbey. The meeting with my lawyers had gone well, Bella's Christmas present was now a done deal and I hoped that Alice had been right about her reaction.

Now I was standing in front of the red doors of the Chicago South Side Music School with my hands shoved deep in my pockets. I'd debated about this visit, Rebecca's perceptive nature made me wary and sometimes uncomfortable, but Bella had convinced me to come.

"Go see for yourself what the sponsorship money has done. George would want you to."

She was right, George _would_ want me to.

I stared at the doors a little longer. The school's name had been written across the red in black, graffiti style letters.

I could hear Rebecca moving about upstairs on the second floor and I wondered what she would make of my sudden, unexpected appearance.

"Just start with hello," I muttered the words Bella had said to me that first day I met Rebecca and George. I pushed open the doors and walked inside.

The entry foyer was small and bright. An intricate mural of famous album covers decorated the walls and the stairs directly in front of me were painted black and white, like a keyboard. I didn't have Jasper's ability, but there was an energy here, bright and positive, I could feel it. Upstairs Rebecca's thoughts were focused on organising sheet music and last minute rehearsals for the concert.

There was a bathroom to the left of the foyer and what appeared to be a small office to the right. I glanced into the doorway. The desk was strewn with papers, there were boxes stacked on the floor, the shelves were a haphazard collection of books and CDs. There was a filing cabinet with an empty fish bowl on it. On the floor, leaning against the filing cabinet, was a large, framed photo of George and I was frozen to the spot as I looked.

He was much younger, maybe forty. He was seated at a piano, fingers on the keys, his face turned to the camera, smiling. His eyes were friendly, a greyish green colour, but his hair ... I'd passed on more than my love of music. George's hair had been the same colour as Abbey's. The same colour as mine. And I was there, again, in his cheekbones and his chin.

I exhaled slowly, feeling my chest empty as I concentrated on the air leaving my lungs and took a few hesitant steps until I was in the office, crouched down, studying the photo closely.

I reached out and touched the glass with the fascination of a child seeing its reflection for the first time. Was this how I would have looked if I'd lived to be forty?

My eyes absorbed every detail. There was a slight shadow of stubble over his jaw and my fingers touched the smoothness of my own face as I wondered.

But suddenly my attention was drawn to the sound of Rebecca's footsteps as she began to make her way down the stairs. I stood and moved quickly into the foyer. She saw me as she rounded the landing and paused, mid step, her face registering the surprise I heard in her thoughts.

"Edward!"

"Hello, Rebecca." I smiled, no teeth, and was glad my voice sounded confident and relaxed. At least, it did to my ears.

She stared at me for a moment. Her initial surprise faded into curiosity ... and she was happy to see me. Then she shook her head, smiling.

"I'd like to say something more original than _what a lovely surprise_, but that's all I can come up with."

Then she came straight to me, her smile wider, her hand extended. I pulled mine from my pocket to grasp hers.

"Nice gloves." Her eyes looked down and her mind went straight back to the first time we'd met and how the temperature of my skin had surprised her then. I'd worn the gloves today on purpose. They were weather-appropriate, at least.

"I didn't know you were in Chicago. Will you be here for the concert?"

"That's the plan." I smiled, feeling myself relax a little as more thoughts filtered through - it seemed I was as intriguing to her as ever, my eyes were still odd, but she was used to me, now.

"I'm so glad. And Bella? Is she here too?"

"Not yet. I've come ahead to organize a few things. Bella will be here in a few days. With Abbey."

"Excellent! I'd love to see her again, and meet your little girl. Do you have photos?"

My hand was already reaching eagerly for my wallet.

"Just a couple." Eight or ten. "Would you like to see?"

I pulled out the small plastic folder and handed it over.

"Oh, Edward ... she's beautiful."

"Yes, she is." Rebecca smirked just a little and I smiled. Even I could hear the pride in my voice.

"And how old is she now?"

I hesitated for just a second. Physically, developmentally, she resembled a human child of around twelve months.

"Almost ten months."

Rebecca nodded. "She looks very confident on her feet." It was the photo of Abbey standing alone by Esme's flower bed. "When did she start walking?"

"Just a week ago." It _was_ early, but not unheard of in human children. For a vampire-human baby it was probably right on schedule. Rebecca flicked a quick gaze at me then back to the photos.

"Did you walk early?"

"I ... I don't really know."

"Maybe Bella did."

The thought of that had me smirking just a little.

"Maybe."

"Is she using words yet?" Her eyes were looking into mine again and I smiled as I reached out to take the photos back.

"Just a few. Mum, Dad, juice." I gave a soft chuckle. "Balloon."

"Balloon!" She laughed.

"Well, it doesn't come out quite like that, but it's close."

_Look at him. He just adores her._

"You're happy, Edward."

"Very."

"I'm glad." She sounded satisfied.

_He always seemed old beyond his years, but now he seems so much more comfortable with himself._

Her perceptive thought caught me off guard - I _was _more comfortable within myself.

"So, would you like to see around the school, is that why you came?"

"Er, yes. If it's not inconvenient."

"Not at all. I'd love to show you, and hear what you think. Your interest is always welcome."

She waved an arm around indicating the space where we were standing.

"Well, this is the grand entrance, as you can see. My office over there, bathroom through here. All the action happens upstairs. Come on."

She headed back from where she'd come and I followed. At the landing she turned her head to look at me.

_Oh, he _is_ coming. Funny, I couldn't hear him, it's almost like he's gliding up the stairs. _

"Did you ever study dancing, Edward?"

"Um, no."

I pretended to stumble, tripping my foot against the rise of the next step and then making sure my feet made a noise on each stair.

My silent footsteps were forgotten though, and her mind was a tumble of thoughts, as she showed me through two studios and a smaller classroom, talking fast now while her mind jumped from one thing to the next. Everything she saw led to a new idea, thought or worry - Santa hats for the concert, an electricity bill, a student with a broken wrist, the overdue order of sheet music and the possibility her husband had locked the cat in the house this morning.

"Last time you were here we were tossing up between this building and the other one two blocks down, remember?"

I nodded. That trip had been a few weeks after George's funeral. I'd been surprised and pleased that Rebecca had asked my opinion on the two buildings. This one had been the better choice, but more expensive.

"Well, the sponsorship we've received has made a big difference, as you would imagine, especially when it's added to the funding we get from the City. Our numbers have increased and now I've got two teachers working here every afternoon." She steered me towards a door at the end of the hall. "And we've been able to buy some more instruments. This is our newest purchase," she said proudly as we entered a practice room.

"Very nice." I ran my hand over the smooth, polished surface of the baby grand piano.

"We still have our old uprights," she pointed to them sitting against the wall. "But a brand new Yamaha grand is a pretty big deal for us."

"I think it would be a big deal for anyone," I said and touched a key with my index finger. The note resonated around us, holding rich and strong, before thinning and fading gently away.

I smiled. "May I?"

Her face lit up.

"Oh, yes please. I'd love to hear you play something."

Smiling, I sat down and took off my gloves, shoving them into my pockets. I shrugged out of my coat and draped it on the stool beside me.

"Any requests?" I grinned as I rested my fingers on the keys and she laughed. I was feeling more at ease now.

"Play anything you like."

I nodded and began Rachmaninov's concerto number three. It was a piece I always enjoyed playing and I knew it must have been one of George's favourites, the CD had been in the stack on his bedside table in the retirement home.

Rebecca smiled. _Ah, Rach 3. And he's good. Really, seriously good. And without the music!_

"I know you've played since childhood, but did you actually _study_ music, too? You know, the theory, the technique, not just the lessons?" _He must have._

"Yes, for a while." A long while. There's not a lot to do when you have unlimited time and no-one to share it with.

She backed away and sat down on one of the chairs that were lined up along the wall and closed her eyes.

_It could almost be Grandpa playing _... And her thought nearly made me stumble over the notes.

"George would be pleased to know you were here," she said suddenly.

Her words had come without the prelude of thought and their sentiment surprised me. I had also thought George would be pleased, but to hear Rebecca say it was ... good.

I bit the inside of my lip and nodded slightly, letting her know I'd heard her, but not wanting to speak. I wasn't sure what I would have said.

"I think the two of you would have got on well."

I nodded again, biting harder, remembering the night I told him who, and what, I was. His acceptance, his trust ... his happiness.

"I don't know what makes me think that, I just do. There's just ... something."

She relaxed back into the chair, smiling softly. "I know I've told you this before, but his last days were happy, and you were part of that. He was very happy to meet you."

In her memory I saw that first meeting between us. Then another, unfamiliar memory followed and I focused on it closely. George was in a different room, his new room overlooking the garden, and Rebecca was telling him about the sponsorship. Through her memory I was able to see the joy, bright in his eyes, the knowing nod of his head and the almost-smile that was the best he could manage. And then he'd closed his eyes, still nodding, still smiling, and I saw the tear that had slipped down his cheek.

I released the inside of my lip. "I was glad to meet him, too."

I reached the end of the first movement and stopped, resting my hands in my lap, my mind and heart full of the memory I'd just seen, and I was suddenly feeling a little overwhelmed at just being here. It wasn't lost on me that I'd just played a favourite piece for my great granddaughter.

"Bravo! Encore, encore!" Rebecca grinned, clapping. "That was wonderful, Edward!"

I took a slow , steadying breath, and then angled my body towards her as I bowed my head in mock seriousness. Then I turned back to the keys, glad to focus on the piano for a little longer, deciding on something lighter this time.

I began to thump out a loud rendition of Jingle Bell Rock.

Rebecca laughed. "That's great! You'll have me singing along in a moment, and that's something you don't want to hear, so be warned!"

I grinned now as I crashed out the last notes, just as the phone rang in the office downstairs.

"Oh ... damn! Will you excuse me, Edward?

"Of course."

"Don't stop, though. Please keep playing!" she called out as she disappeared.

I played randomly while my thoughts wandered and Rebecca fought with the sheet music supplier on the phone downstairs.

Then there was a flurry of new thoughts as the front doors slammed open.

"It's just me!" A girl's voice called out and there was the sound of hurried feet on the stairs and her thoughts were focused now on Chopin's Minute Waltz, playing her left hand over and over in her mind.

I looked towards the door as she entered fast, skidding to a halt when she saw me, her backpack dropping onto the floor. I was obviously a big surprise. And an unwelcome one.

She was perhaps sixteen, and her deep brown eyes were wide and she was wary as she took me in. All thoughts of Chopin had disappeared.

"Hello," I said softly and smiled my most friendly smile, lips open but with a minimum of teeth.

"Hi," she said flatly.

She didn't like that I was sitting at the piano. I started to stand as she spoke.

"Are you a new teacher?"

"No, I'm a friend of Rebecca's."

"Okay." Her instincts were kicking in but not in the way of most humans. She wasn't frightened, she was defensive.

"I'm Edward," I smiled again, lips closed this time. I pulled on my coat, making it clear I wasn't staying, hoping she'd feel more comfortable.

"Keisha," she said hesitantly and I was actually surprised she'd told me her name.

"Pleased to meet you, Keisha."

"Uh huh." Her eyes kept flicking past me to the piano and she was wishing I'd just leave.

"Well, I was just going."

"Yeah, okay."

I began to move towards the door and she grabbed her bag, walking past me quickly and sitting down on the stool. Now that she was at the piano I was forgotten and she took a few deep breaths and flexed her fingers as she frowned down at the keys.

She was playing some basic warm-up pieces as I descended the stairs and then, as I reached the bottom, Chopin's Minute Waltz began. And I stopped.

It was clear she had talent. There was a determination to her playing, but she managed to soften it enough to give the music a warmth and light that it needed, her mind completely absorbed in what she was creating.

Rebecca was coming out of the office as I reached the bottom of the stairs, smiling, and she motioned for me to come in and take a seat.

"Sorry about that," she said as I sat across the desk from her. It seemed she'd won the battle, the new delivery of sheet music would be here tomorrow.

"No problem. I met one of your students."

"Keisha.".

"She's very good,"

Rebecca sighed. _I wish we could do more for her. _"Yes, she _is_ good. Her music is everything to her. She's planning on going for a scholarship at the Conservatorium next year."

"I imagine she has a good chance," I said.

"Mm, I'm not sure she'll make it, even though she should."

Her thoughts scattered suddenly and I couldn't read them.

"Why do you say that?"

She sat forward, folding her arms on the desk as she picked up a pen and began tapping it against the desk calendar.

"Over the last twenty years we've had three students win scholarships, and that's amazing. But now the competition for scholarships everywhere seems so much greater. It's not enough to be good, there's all the music theory that goes with it and we just don't get into that deeply enough here. There are interviews and essays, plus all the other scholarship applicants probably have an instrument at home to practice on, and most would have regular one-on-one lessons with a tutor ... I can assure you Keisha doesn't have those luxuries. That's why I turn a blind eye to her skipping last period some days, so she can come here and get in some extra practice before the rest of the kids arrive."

She sighed heavily and ran her hand through her hair, tugging at it, just as I brought my hand up to do the same thing. I stopped, a little unnerved by our mirrored actions, and dropped my hand back in my lap as Rebecca continued.

"Our main goal is to expose these kids to something beautiful, something more than commercial jingles and tv theme songs. Learning an instrument, even at a basic level, gives them a sense of accomplishment and teaches them discipline ... if I practice then I can do _this,_ I can play this song. We've had students form their own bands and some have found work in the music industry, but we measure success by the way a student can turn their life around, away from crime or delinquency, or just rise above their circumstances by developing self-discipline and a love and appreciation for music, just make it part of their lives. As the social worker here, I can tell you it makes a huge difference, but we're just not geared up for the big leagues."

I'd listened carefully, at the same time enjoying Keisha's playing as her music floated through the building. It seemed wrong that a talent like that should go to waste because of circumstance.

"Would more money make a difference?"

Rebecca's eyes narrowed just slightly and she stared at me keenly, making me shift nervously in my seat. I turned my face away, studying a flyer for a nightclub on the desk, her thoughts putting me on alert.

_He says that like he ... I don't know ..._

"Money is always helpful, Edward, but it's not always the answer."

She made a good point and it was one I'd had to deal with since I'd known Bella. Money wasn't always the answer. I could pay for Keisha's entire tuition, surreptitiously of course, but it wouldn't necessarily give her the preparation she needed. I pretended to be interested in the flyer while my mind sorted through various options.

Funding a scholarship just for them, perhaps, or financing a new wing of the Conservatorium in return for student places. Money again - and it still wouldn't necessarily mean they were prepared for what lay ahead.

"Are there other students who would be likely to want to try for a scholarship?" I asked casually, taking my eyes from the flyer and looking now at Rebecca.

"Three or four, yes. They're a little younger, but they're talented and keen and in a lot of ways Keisha's ambitions have encouraged theirs."

I leaned back in the chair, still holding the flyer, moving it back and forth between my fingers.

"Would it be possible to set up a special curriculum for those students? Perhaps you could have a separate stream focused on what they need so they're in a better position to compete for a scholarship."

Rebecca nodded. "I've actually been thinking about that. There'd be a fair bit of work involved, planning it all out, especially as they don't all play the same instrument." She sighed and then smiled. "But I'm working on it. I enjoy a challenge and I'm nothing if not determined. There'll be a way."

I believed her. If there was a way, Rebecca would find it. She was focused and passionate and ... I was proud of her. I suddenly wished I could tell her that.

"If there's anything I can do to help ... ," I left the offer hanging, sincere in what I'd said but not really sure what I could do, apart from throw money at them.

_He really means that, I can see ... so kind of him._

"Thank you, Edward, but I don't think there's much you can do."

I nodded, I knew that, but I'd increase the amount of the sponsorship, anyway.

Her attention was drawn to the flyer in my fingers.

"They were students of ours, _The Unsound_," she said proudly. "Five years ago. They're a bit ... is _alternative _the right word? Anyway, they're doing well, playing clubs around the city. You should go see them while you're in town, I think they're playing tonight, aren't they?" She glanced across to see the date. "Oh ... ," she looked up at me quickly and I tried to hide my smile as her thoughts came through. "You're probably too young to get in." Then she shook her head and waved her hand in dismissal. "Unless you've got fake ID, and if you do, I don't want to know."_ Crazy that he can be a husband and father but can't get into a club._

I stayed silent, choosing instead just to smile as I looked again at the glossy piece of paper. _The Unsound _were indeed playing tonight and I had several versions of ID. I was seventeen, nineteen, twenty one, Cullen, Masen ... take your pick.

"Anyway, Edward, tell me what you've been doing lately."

She listened, genuinely interested, as I told her half truths and vagaries. Bella and I were still living with my family, we were both deferring college until Abbey was a little older. Neither of us had decided yet what we were going to study or where we would apply.

"Not very much to tell, really," I finished up after a few minutes. "Very quiet, very dull ... but not to me, of course."

Rebecca smiled at me, her eyes and expression warm. _There's nothing dull about you, Edward. I'll be very interested to see where life takes you, young man._

Her thought unsettled me slightly and I felt a little like I had on previous occasions with her - that she could see through the facade. I was glad when her eyes shifted to the clock on the wall and her thoughts took a new direction. _They'll start arriving soon._

"I should probably go," I said and stood up.

"Well it was lovely to see you, Edward, really. Please bring Bella and Abbey along when they're in town."

I smiled non-comittally, not wanting to lie outright, but she seemed to pick up on my reluctance.

"Or maybe I'll see you at the concert instead. I'll be down the front of the Plaza, near the stage, towards the left near the performers' entrance."

I nodded. "I imagine we'll probably need to stay towards the back, in case Abbey gets restless and we need to leave."

She nodded. "Oh well, I'll keep you up to date with emails anyway."

I nodded and started to move towards the door, my eyes falling on George as I passed his photo. Rebecca noticed, of course.

"I've been meaning to put it up in the foyer ever since we moved in ... just haven't got around to it yet. And I keep forgetting to bring the hammer from home. Poor George, I feel so guilty every time I look at him sitting there on the floor."

I hesitated for only a second before I spoke.

"I could put it up for you ... if you'd like."

"Without a hammer?"

My fingers could push the nails into the wall like it was melted butter. "The paper weight has a flat base, it would work just as well." I motioned my head towards the heavy glass orb that sat on her desk. "Do you have nails?"

"Er, actually I think I do." She began rummaging through the desk drawer and pulled out a plastic bag containing nails, screws and tap washers. She handed it to me, smiling.

"Here, there should be something in amongst that lot."

So we moved into the small foyer and I held the photo of George against the wall while Rebecca directed me ... left, right, up, now down a little.

"Perfect!"

It took just a flex of my fingers around the paperweight and the nails were in place and the photo was hung.

"Thank you, Edward. He looks much happier up there."

I stepped back, smiling at George as he smiled back.

"My pleasure."

* * *

The last time I'd been to a nightclub was 1983. They weren't usually places I enjoyed, but this had been worth standing hunched in a corner trying to ignore thoughts about my _fine piece of ass_ as human women, their instincts dulled by alcohol, tried to press themselves against me. Usually it only took the supernaturally smooth turn of my head with a piercing glare and they backed off.

_The Unsound _were good, extremely good. They were raw and brash and had clearly been influenced by early punk, I could hear nods to both The Clash and The Stranglers. But their music was underpinned by the discipline and classical training they'd received from George, giving it maturity, and I felt a vicarious sense of pride in their performance and the way the audience responded to them. They were vastly different from Keisha and it demonstrated just how wide George's work had stretched. I'd walked out smiling, still nodding my head in time to the music as it followed me down the street.

It was a little after two o'clock by the time I got back to the house. I stripped off my jacket and dropped onto the sofa, closing my eyes and sighing heavily. I'd been away from Bella for too long.

She would be out hunting now. I'd called her before I'd left for the club, telling her about the school, Rebecca and Keisha. She'd agreed we should increase the sponsorship money, even if it didn't directly help the scholarship situation. And she'd laughed when I'd told her my plans for the evening.

"Will they let you in?"

"Of course. I've never been denied entry anywhere. It's all in the attitude."

She'd snickered. "And the fake ID."

I'd rolled my eyes but chuckled softly. "Yes, alright, and the fake ID. I wish you could come with me."

"Me too. You need me to keep the women away." There was a slight edge to her tone and I felt a hum of electricity run through me. I never wanted her to feel jealous but I had to admit, sometimes _protective Bella_ was appealing.

"Only you, love. Always, only you."

"I know."

I pulled my phone from my pocket, wanting to hear her voice again - maybe I could catch her between courses. But I stopped. She was still new to this life, still perfecting her hunting style and technique, she didn't need any distractions. I sighed and put the phone away and instead got up and grabbed my backpack. At the bottom my Snoopy t-shirt was folded up carefully around my copy of _Treasure Island_ and I pulled them out, smiling.

Bella had bought the t-shirt as a bit of fun, but it had come to mean so much more. Not just because she'd given it to me, it would always be special for that reason alone, but because of the first time I wore it. I shrugged out of my shirt and pulled Snoopy on. I smoothed him out carefully over my chest as I remembered.

I was aroused. Watching her dance, seeing her move so fluidly, with confidence. I'd not seen her like that before and I wondered if she did this often when she was alone. I'd been out to get her hot chocolate and she hadn't heard me return, the sound of the rain pounding on the window would have drowned out any sound I made. I knew I should have let her know I was there, but I couldn't speak, I was so transfixed. Then she turned around and caught me staring and her blush was deep and rich and my arousal grew. I moved slightly, adjusting my position just enough so she wouldn't notice. I'd become very good at that. But I was still unable to look away, and the venom filled my mouth and I swallowed hard as she approached me, her eyes bright and determined and confident.

She was so beautiful.

She stopped to pick up a towel from the end of the bed, then she took the cup from my hand and put it down and I realised what she was about to do.

My first reaction was to tell her to stop, she didn't have to do that, I wouldn't catch cold ... but another part of me wanted it. Wanted it very much. This was what people did for someone they love.

Let her _love_ you.

We had talked about sharing more of ourselves. And really, _this_, letting her care for me, was as much about sharing as the physical.

And although I wasn't cold, I shivered when she smoothed the towel over me. It was the most sensual experience of my long life and I let myself enjoy. She was gentle, slow, tender, rubbing the softness over me, stopping to let her fingers draw lightly across my skin, letting them play in the dimples in the small of my back. I didn't think I'd ever felt so ... _loved_.

I thought I should probably feel embarrassed by the soft sounds I was making, the moans and gasps, but I didn't. I shuddered in pleasure, never wanting it to stop. And then, when she finished at the waistband of my jeans I knew it had to.

She hesitated and I reached out, putting my hand on hers, letting her know. I wondered if she'd try to take it further, but she didn't. I remembered her words in the car on the way here, _I never seem to arouse you_. If she only knew ... and that was the point, she didn't know, I had never let her know.

I kissed her then, dragged my lips over her jaw, her neck, and my arousal grew. My lips were hungry and I wasn't as soft and tender as she'd just been with me. Then I pulled her closer and for the first time I let her feel how she effected me. And she didn't pull away in disgust, and she didn't push for more, she just let herself feel, she let me give myself to her and it was ... intense and powerful. I was shaking with the realisation of what I was doing, with the sensation of being pressed against her warmth, with the pleasure - I'd never ... I'd never felt _this_. I could hear her blood pounding beneath the thin veneer of her skin, I could feel its heat and knew it would be staining her cheeks, her neck, probably her chest ....

The growl was rising in me and I pulled away, trying to focus on the sound of the rain, and the not the sound of her pulse. It took me a moment to come back to myself while her fingers stroked the back of my neck. I wondered if she knew how soothing that was.

"Now you know," I said and for a moment I was worried about her reaction. Had it been too much? But she smiled and told me she loved me and my heart soared. She moved closer again.

"I ... not right now, love."

"Sorry."

"Don't be," I bent my lips to her ear, hoping the tone of my voice would leave her in no doubt, "... because I'm not."

I kissed her again, softly, and reminded her not to let her hot chocolate get cold as I grabbed some clothes and headed for the bathroom.

I stepped into the shower and turned on the cold water. I stood under the stream, face lifted up, hands braced against the tiled wall, waiting for the icy flow to calm the desire, the want and the need. My hands clawed into fists. Calm was all I could hope for - nothing could ever take the ache away completely, countless cold showers had taught me that. Like the burn in my throat it was just part of loving Bella.

But this time I knew it would take longer for calm to descend, and I leant my forehead against the tiles between my hands. Despite the cold water I could still feel her warmth as I'd pressed into her, feeling her against me for the first time. I had been so aware that it was only thin layers of fabric between us.

I moaned loudly, then stopped quickly, biting down on my bottom lip, hard. I looked instinctively towards the door, hoping Bella wouldn't have heard me over the running water. Hearing me moan when we were together was one thing, but hearing me moan when I was alone in the shower was something different. I'd hate to think what she'd make of that.

Gradually my body calmed and I ... felt pleased with myself.

I'd given more of myself to Bella, I'd let her know just what she did to me, and I hadn't been overcome with blood lust, I hadn't hurt her, she hadn't run screaming and she hadn't pushed for more.

And it had been incredible.

Joy rushed through me, now. Maybe we _could_ do this without Bella becoming a casualty. If we took things carefully, slowly, like just now, we could do this.

Suddenly anything seemed possible.

I'd thought about Bella and I together many times. My fantasy life was rich and active even though it often made me feel guilty. But I'd reasoned with myself that it was preparation for progressing our relationship, for our honeymoon. And while that was true, the reality was also that I enjoyed it, although I hadn't indulged since the arrival of that email.

My scenarios didn't always involve sex, often they were about simply touching and exploring. How it would be to feel the soft fullness of her breasts in my hands. How her hands would feel on me ... touching me.

I wondered if maybe I could share some of this with Bella, tell her the things I dreamt of us doing. Maybe ... maybe I could ask her if there were things she would like to try. I knew it was probably a good idea to discuss these things, but I didn't know if I'd be brave enough. I'd worry that I'd repulse her, that if she knew what I was thinking she'd run away ....

And then I started chuckling. Why did I always think Bella would run away crying and screaming?

_Because Lucy had, that's why._

The errant, unwanted thought came out of nowhere, shocking me, hinting at something deeper underneath. I wanted to ignore it, I tried to push it away, but some instinct told me that wasn't a good idea. So I sank onto the floor and let the water drum over my head as I began to peel back the layers of my past.

That night in Lucy's room I'd been young, inexperienced and overwhelmed by situation and sensation. And until I read that diary I'd thought I'd hurt her, taken advantage of her feelings, caused her physical pain and made her cry. She'd wanted me and when I'd given in it seemed my actions hurt, repelled and repulsed her. And I'd been ashamed.

I realised now, as the water crashed over me and I shook beneath its pulse, hugging my knees to my chest, that those memories hadn't been forgotten, they'd been locked away tight in my subconscious, along with the shame and self-disgust at what I'd done, and I'd brought them with me into my vampire life.

And that experience, those memories, had coloured my feelings about a lot of things.

I sighed and licked at the water that was flowing over my lips.

Bella wanted me so much, seemed to have such high expectations of what our physical union would be like. But what if my subconscious assessment was right and I was a failure in bed? What if I couldn't meet those expectations, if I disappointed Bella? What if I lacked finesse, was too rough, couldn't recognise what her body wanted or needed? And I'd been waiting so long that there was every possibility it would be over before it started. Just the thought of that filled me with mortification and I shook my head. What if I couldn't bring her to climax?

I pulled my hands through my hair, tugging at it hard.

Bella deserved ecstasy, bliss, passion, not the awkward fumblings of an inexperienced boy.

I looked down at my naked body.

I wanted so much to bring her pleasure.

Bella.

I loved Bella. Bella loved me.

She loved me.

If I did fumble, if I was awkward or clumsy, if it was over too quickly the first time, would she turn me away, would she leave me? Would it change the way she felt about me?

"No."

I shook my head, smiling a little now.

Knowing Bella, she'd show me exactly what she wanted, and she'd stick with me until I got it right. And we'd learn together.

"Together."

I buried my head in my hands and breathed heavily as I realised how that human experience had tainted the way I felt about my body, about sex, about _me_. But now, knowing the truth behind Lucy's motivation and her tears, knowing how much Bella still loved me, knowing what sort of man George was ... I had nothing to be ashamed of. I could let it all go.

And I knew that whatever happened between us it would always be beautiful ... _because _it was us.

I sat there letting the water flow over me, letting this new knowledge sink in and settle. And when I stood, a few moments later, and lifted my head out of the stream, it was like a drowning man breaking the surface. I was a new man, a different man. I felt lighter than I had for a long time.

I turned off the water and stepped out, reaching for the towel. I dried myself quickly, Bella would be wondering what was taking me so long in here. I pulled on my pyjama pants and then grabbed the Snoopy t-shirt. I smiled as I wondered if she realised just how significant it was.

The t-shirt she'd seen me wearing in that old photo had Snoopy asleep on the roof of his doghouse. But this Snoopy was happy and smiling, dancing with arms thrown wide and his head thrown back. The two t-shirts were perfect analogies for my life.

In 1973 I wandered through the days and nights as though asleep, even though sleep was impossible. But now, since I'd found Bella, I was like Snoopy doing his happy dance. I was alive, awake, happy. Her gift meant more than she would ever realise.

I pulled it over my head and smoothed it down across my chest. I looked in the mirror ... Snoopy and me ... both smiling. I opened the bathroom door and went to join Bella.

I smiled as I remembered that night. Then I did something I hadn't done since 1915 - I grabbed _Treasure Island_ and headed outside to what was left of my tree house.

------------------

The airport was crowded with the human gridlock of the holiday season as I made my way towards gate three. Standing at my full height, looking across the crowd, I saw them, my wife and daughter.

Bella was beaming, waving to me and my heart almost beat because that smile was so beautiful, and it was mine, meant for me. Abbey's eyes were wide, her expression slightly startled, as she sat on her mother's hip, taking in the activity that surrounded her. Bella's head was bent close to Abbey's now, she was pointing and I could see the words on her lips.

"There's Daddy! Look what he's got!"

I pressed into the crowd, unable to wait even the thirty seconds or so until they reached me.

Behind them a porter was pushing a trolley with the bags on it and I frowned when I saw his eyes focused on Bella's behind. I felt the familiar snarl rumbling in my throat as I located his thoughts.

_If I move up a bit I could brush against her, she'll just think it's 'cause of the crowds pushing. Yeah, I'll just move up and let my arm ...._

I moved through the human crush faster than I should have, past the barrier, propelled by a possessiveness made stronger by almost three days of separation. If he thought he was going to touch my wife ...

_If I pretend to stumble I could fall against her a bit, maybe feel her ... whoa, where did he come from? Shit! Shit!_

He started backing away, fast.

"Edward!"

Bella threw her free arm around me, the force of it almost making me stumble as I swept her and Abbey up in a hug, tight against my chest. Over Bella's shoulder my vampire face glowered at the porter who turned and stumbled as he tried to disappear into the crowd.

"Bella," I breathed, my face nestled in her hair, taking her scent deep into my lungs.

"Abbey," I turned my face to my daughter's and kissed both her cheeks twice as I lifted her out of Bella's arms. I cuddled her close, but Abbey wasn't interested in me, she was looking at the balloon that floated just above my head.

"Boon!" She grinned and reached up.

"It's for you," I said and rubbed my cheek against the top of her head. "But don't bite this one, okay?" I took the string and wound it carefully around her chubby wrist, attaching the pink and silver pony to her. She waved her arm up and down, smiling as she watched it bounce above her.

"Sorry, I didn't bring one for you," I teased Bella, pulling her into my side so I had both my girls in my arms.

"And why not?" she teased back and I laughed.

"Because you get me," I murmured, low and soft in her ear, using the voice that I knew sent shivers through her and delighting when I felt it.

I moved my lips lower, brushing them against hers and she sighed. Then she looked up at me and smiled and said three words that stopped my breath.

"Take us home."

Home.

I was taking my family home.

My hand rested on Bella's thigh and her hand covered mine as we drove away from the airport. In the backseat Abbey was trying to bite her balloon.

"No." Bella tugged the balloon away from Abbey's mouth. "If you bite it, it will be gone ... boom!" She moved her hands, mimicking an explosion. Abbey stared at her and I saw a fuzzy flicker of her thoughts. A red balloon showing a sketchy face with demented eyebrows. I chuckled softly.

Bella turned back around in her seat and put her hand back over mine.

"How was the flight?" I asked. She seemed composed and I hoped it hadn't been too uncomfortable for her.

"It was fine. The scents were really concentrated though. A couple of times I held my breath for a while, just to get a break." She reached up to rub at her eyes. "And I could feel my contacts dissolving so I had to get up and change them halfway through." Then she laughed and shook her head.

"What?" I asked, laughing back though I didn't know yet what was funny. I was just happy.

"Trying to change contact lenses in an aeroplane bathroom while a toddler is pulling all the toilet paper sheets out of the dispenser and pressing the flush button over and over."

I was laughing again. "I wish I'd been there to help," I said.

"Who? Me or Abbey?" she joked.

"I'm sure if I'd been there I could have helped Abbey dispense a lot more toilet paper."

She laughed and squeezed my fingers. "Actually, I don't know about that, she did pretty well on her own."

I lifted her hand to my lips. "I'm so proud of you."

She snorted. "I feel a bit like a kid taking the bus on their own for the first time." I smiled at her analogy. "Except the kid wouldn't want to drink the other passengers dry," she said softly.

Her comment concerned me.

"Is that how you felt?" I was berating myself, now. Had she been hurting, perhaps it had been too soon, I should have driven back to Forks to get them. I shouldn't have let her go through such a major thing alone, even if she had insisted on it and Alice hadn't seen any difficulties. She still hadn't answered me and I was frowning now.

"Bella?"

"Mm?"

I rolled my eyes. She could still get lost in her thoughts somehow, even now.

"Is that how you felt? Were you thirsty on the plane?"

"Oh, no. It was just weird."

"Weird, how?" I'd been dangerously thirsty countless times, I would never have described the experience as weird.

"Well ... ," I tried to be patient. After a moment she frowned and cocked her head to the side, almost as though she were trying to explain it to herself. "It's just that I'm this supernatural creature with super strength and heightened senses who's a powerful predator, and I was battling with a toddler over toilet paper in the bathroom." She shrugged. "It was weird. And funny." She started to laugh and I let my shoulders drop in relief.

"So you weren't uncomfortable, then?"

"No."

"Good." I lifted her hand to my lips again. "I never want you to be uncomfortable."

"I know." She brought our hands back to her face and her lips grazed my knuckles.

BANG!!

Small, delicate fragments of pink and silver fluttered around us.

"Oh, Abbey!" Bella sighed, and I pulled over immediately. Abbey was sitting stunned, eyes huge, her bottom lip quivering just slightly, the balloon string hanging limply from her wrist.

"Boon," she said softly and I had her out of her seat and in my lap before her first tear could fall.

"Ssh, Abbey, sweetheart, it's alright."

She sniffed and then started to cry in earnest. I held her tighter, rubbing my hand over her back, while Bella stroked her hair.

"Boon! Boon!" she cried.

"Don't worry, sweetheart. We'll get you another," I murmured quietly then tried not to meet Bella's gaze.

"Edward?"

"Mm?"

There was a heavy silence between us despite Abbey's sobs that filled the car.

"Edward, are there more balloons back at the house?" Frustration coloured her words and I shrugged a shoulder, knowing denial was useless. She'd see the truth soon enough.

"Yes."

Her lips thinned. "How many?"

"One or two."

"Is it one, or is it two?"

"Eleven."

"Ele ... , Edward, I know it's just balloons, but ... you're spoiling her."

I looked directly at Bella then, my heart completely open. Yes, you told me to buy her _one_ balloon. Yes, I've bought her twelve. Yes, I'm a lost cause, I know that. But this is just the way I am, and I will always be a lost cause where my wife and daughter are concerned.

The silent communication passed between us as I held Abbey, and Bella continued to stroke her hair. At last she smiled.

"You realise she'll probably have bitten them all by bed time."

Actually, I hadn't considered that, but I nodded.

"And you can't keep buying more and more."

"I know."

And then Bella smiled. "But today's special, isn't it?"

She understood.

I nodded. "Yes."

And then she moved her hand from Abbey's head to my cheek where her thumb stroked over my skin. I let my face lean into her hand, turning slightly to kiss her palm.

"We're lucky to have you," she whispered and I thought my heart would explode.

Abbey was strapped back into her seat, yawning now, eyes heavy. The CD player was on, the Songs of Winnie the Pooh replacing The Violent Femmes, and Bella was rummaging through her bag for the sippy juice cup. She turned to hand it to Abbey who refused it and stuck her thumb in her mouth instead, a sure sign she wanted to sleep. As Bella returned the cup to her bag something caught my eye. I started chuckling.

"What is that?"

Bella rolled her eyes. "Guess."

"Renee's book club?"

"Yep."

Renee's latest hobby. She was thoroughly enjoying her Book Club and was so enthusiastic that she would send the books onto Bella as soon as she'd finished them, the idea being that they would discuss and critique them over email. So far there'd been a predictable murder mystery and a futuristic thriller.

I was pleased Bella wasn't cut off completely from her mother, but I wasn't sure how the Renee situation would ultimately be resolved. I had learned, though, that I can't control everything and there were some things I just had to take day by day ... and this was one.

Renee thought we were in Alaska and as someone who loved the heat and sun it was unlikely she would invite herself northwards. So there were frequent emails, we sent regular pictures of Abbey and the situation worked, for now.

"What has she sent you this time?"

Bella pulled the book out of her bag.

"_Petals on the Snow._ She was particularly excited about this one because the hero's name is Lord Edward."

I laughed. "And what is Lord Edward like?"

She took a quick peek at Abbey, checking she was asleep.

"He's a complete cad who's lusting after the beautiful Amelia, and he wants to deflower her in his massive four poster bed in his castle."

"Is it any good?"

"Not at all. Listen to this ... ,"

She flipped open a page and continued to whisper.

_"Amelia stood nervously, her chest heaving with breaths of anticipation and desire. Lord Edward ran a determined finger slowly over the skin that was exposed above the lace edge of her corset. 'Beautiful,' he whispered, his voice dripping with husky promise as he looked into Amelia's sapphire eyes."_

And here Bella began to giggle.

"Don't stop now, love. You have me on the edge of my seat," I grinned.

She bit her lip, trying to stop the laughter before she continued.

_"'Amelia, I want to worship at the altar of your ivory mounds.'"_

My body was shaking alongside Bella's, our laughter roaring around the car.

"That is truly dreadful," I said and Bella nodded.

"I know. It's like that all the way through. I don't know what to tell Renee."

"She liked it?"

"She thought it was romantic."

"And do you?"

She chuckled and swatted my shoulder. "Not at all. But I read it. Thank goodness for vampire speed reading, it only took me ten minutes on the plane." She shook her head. "Honestly, I think I could do better myself."

"I'm sure you could."

Bella packed the book away and our laughter quietened. I was much better at reading her now, but with her mind still closed to me and her dreams no longer a doorway to her thoughts, I was always eager for other ways to see the workings of her mind.

"What would you write?"

She shrugged. "I don't know. It's supposed to be best if you write about something you know, isn't it?" She paused and my curiosity was growing, watching intently as her eyebrows came together slightly and her lips pursed in concentration. Such beautiful lips. Then she smiled and I could see inspiration in her eyes.

"I'd write about a plain girl in a small town who falls in love with a beautiful vampire she meets in biology class. Except he doesn't have fangs and he sparkles in the sunlight. And he falls in love with her, too." She looked up at me, a beautiful smile across her lips. I leant across and kissed her softly.

"It will never sell," I whispered as I pulled back again. "And you were never plain."

"I know," she breathed, her eyes still closed from our kiss and I wondered if she was agreeing with me about her not being plain, or about the book not selling. Then her lids fluttered open. "Why wouldn't it sell?" Ah, she'd agreed she hadn't been plain and I smiled, pleased.

"Because most people would have a hard time accepting vampires without fangs who don't sleep in coffins or burn in the sunlight."

She shrugged. "I don't know, I think they would." She turned to face me, a suggestive glint in her eyes. "It worked for me."

I chuckled and squeezed her hand. "I know, but you've never been _most people_. And it might upset the Volturi."

"True," she said, facing the front and shuddering just slightly. "They would have the photos by now, wouldn't they?" she asked quietly.

"I'm sure they would, love."

She nodded, but still seemed withdrawn.

"Bella?"

I was watching her closely, her face turned to look out her window, her finger twisting some strands of hair. Suddenly she turned back to me.

"Is it normal that they wouldn't respond? I don't mean a thank you note, just, you know ... _we got your photos, we can see Bella's a vampire, you've kept your end of the deal, we won't be bothering you._"

I sighed and shrugged. The truth was I just didn't know. I'd never had to prove someone's transformation before, I didn't know the protocol.

We _had_ travelled to Alaska, briefly - two weeks after Bella's change. Alice and Jasper joined us to look after Abbey while I took photos of Bella in the snow with her white skin and blood-red eyes - proof for the Volturi that she had in fact been changed, and to support our story that we were living in the north. I'd poured over the pictures for hours, making sure there was nothing that could alert them to Abbey's existence - even a stray hair could mean exposure. We'd bought new clothes for the occasion so there was no risk of vampire eyes picking up on old baby dribble stains or sticky handprints.

I lifted Bella's hand to my lips to kiss. She smiled softly.

"I don't know if they'll respond, they might not. But, as you know, time means something very different to them. It could be five years or more before they send acknowledgement and that would seem like return post to them."

"I suppose." She smiled and I squeezed her hand.

"And Alice is watching for them." I reminded her. "So what rating will you give Lord Edward and Amelia?" I was anxious to restore her lighter mood. And mine.

She started laughing again. "I think they deserve two stars," she said and ducked her head as though she were blushing, letting her hair fall in a curtain about her face. It was an action that always got a response from me. I swallowed and shifted a little in my seat.

"Two stars?"

"One for each mound," she chuckled.

* * *

It was raining lightly as we pulled up outside number forty seven.

"We're here," I said and Bella was grinning.

"It's just like I remembered," she said, obviously pleased that the human memory was still so clear. It made me happy, too.

"Are you ready to see inside? And it won't just be a snap landlord's inspection, I promise." I watched to see her reaction.

She looked puzzled for a moment and then her face broke into a laugh.

"I wanted you to do that, didn't I? The day we came here to look."

I nodded, grinning.

"And you wouldn't."

"No."

She laughed again. "Well, I've waited long enough, I am _very ready_ to see inside, now."

A moment later I was standing on the doorstep, scooping Bella up in my arms while she held onto Abbey.

"Edward! What are you .... ,"

"Ssh." I kissed her. "Let me have my moment."

I pushed the door gently with my foot and as it swung open I took a breath and carried Bella over the threshhold.

"Oh, Edward." Bella took one hand from Abbey and wrapped it around my neck, hugging hard. Then she slipped gracefully out of my grasp and I missed the contact immediately. She stood, looking around while she kept Abbey on her hip.

She was turned away from me, looking into the living room, and my arms felt empty without her in them and I was pulling one hand thrugh my hair while the other was tapping nervously against my leg. I wanted to hold her hand, see her face, see her expression - I wanted to know whether she liked what she saw. If she could be happy here.

I knew I should give her a moment to take it all in, but I didn't know if I could wait.

I moved towards her and she turned to face me, perhaps sensing my agitation. Her lips curved up into an excited smile.

"Show me," she said and I grabbed her hand.

We started downstairs and I took her through every room, just as I'd imagined I would. Although in my imagination we'd walked slowly, taking everything in while I pointed out small historical details ... the stable-style back door, the elaborate cornices, the butler's pantry, the ornate, stained glass in the window on the landing. But my excitement took over and instead we moved quickly as I gave a running commentary on the blatantly obvious.

"This is the living room ... the dining room ... here's the kitchen ... the study, or extra bedroom now ... and the hall you've seen." Bella was laughing and so was I. Abbey sat on Bella's hip, frowning, looking at us as though we'd gone crazy.

I slowed down, now, and pulled Bella to me gently.

"Do you like it?" I searched her eyes, her face, hoping.

"I love it."

I knew the grin on my face probably looked stupid, but I didn't care. I felt my chest expand with pride and happiness.

"Come upstairs? There are three bedrooms and the bathroom and then there are two attic rooms above that."

"I know. You drew me a plan when we were ordering the furniture."

"Oh ... "

And then Bella winked at me and she wrapped her arm around my waist.

"I love seeing you so excited." She kissed me softly and then pulled back. "And I'm excited too. Come on, show me upstairs."

I grinned again and as I started moving Abbey reached out to me.

"Dad."

I took her from Bella and instantly she rested her head in the crook of my neck and yawned.

"Busy day, little one?" I murmured softly as we started up the stairs. The feel of her little body curled up against me, so trusting, gave me an incredible sense of contentment and peace and it calmed me a little. "Come and look at your room," I said, rubbing my hand gently over her back. She stayed nestled against me, eyelids drooping, but that changed as soon as we stopped in her doorway.

"Boon!" Her head shot up and she was wriggling to be let down.

I laughed as I set her on the floor. I'd made sure the strings were long enough that she could reach and she nearly tumbled over in her excitement to grab at them. I was sure the delight on her face mirrored mine. Then she saw the mural on the wall near her crib.

She stopped still and her little mouth popped open.

"Bunny!" she yelled and toddled over for a closer look.

Bella's arm slid around my waist and I pulled her tight against me, running my hand up her back to stroke her neck.

"Oh, Edward. It really is amazing! It's just ... wow! The _detail_!"

"Thank you." I had the stupid grin again but I still didn't care as I watched Abbey touching the picture, giggling. But then she opened her mouth to lick at the sponge cake in the centre of the table.

"Abbey, no," I said, but she ignored me. I dropped my hand from Bella and walked across the room quickly, crouching down beside Abbey and gently moving her a little way back from the wall.

"Don't lick the paint, sweetheart, it's yukky." I had never thought a word like _yukky_ would have a place in my vocabulary.

She looked at me, clearly debating whether to try again or not. I tried to read her mind but like most times, it was just soft static. She started to lean in once more, tongue out.

"No," I said again, dropping my voice an octave and using my firm tone. It was only the third time I'd ever had to speak to her that way, all of them in the last two weeks, and it made me tense each time. She looked at me a moment longer as I held her gaze and I wondered briefly which one of us would give in first. A few more seconds and Abbey decided I was serious, and then grinned as she went back to studying the painting.

"Bunny!"

"Yes, bunny. And Alice, and the Mad Hatter. See the Dormouse?" I pointed to them all and she clapped her hands.

I ran my hand over her head and let out a long breath as I stood up.

"Well handled, Dad," Bella hugged me and I gave a short laugh.

"This time, anyway. I didn't know which of us was going to break first. Do you get the impression she's going to be a determined young lady?"

"Perhaps. But I think it's just normal toddler behaviour, she was testing you."

"Hmm." Maybe, but if she had her mother's stubborn, determined genes I could just imagine what the future would be like.

"The paint's non-toxic isn't it?" Bella asked suddenly.

"Yes, but I still don't think we should let her lick the walls."

"No, of course not."

And then Bella started laughing.

"What?"

"Just thinking of how our conversations have changed."

I started laughing too and slipped my hand around her waist, letting it slide down to rub circles over the small of her back. She hummed softly and leant into me while I watched Abbey play with the balloons and babble with the other guests at the mad tea party.

"This was such a wonderful idea of yours, Edward." Her smile was almost serene as she looked around her.

I wasn't quite sure what she meant and it must have been obvious in my expression as I looked at her.

"What idea?" The mural, the balloons?

"Coming to stay here."

"Oh. Well, that was your idea, not mine."

I almost laughed when I saw the confused look on her face.

"No, it was you. You suggested it in the meadow that first morning ... ,"

"I know, but I probably wouldn't have suggested it if you hadn't put the idea in my head."

I could see she was concentrating.

"When did I ... ,"

I moved to take her hand. "Sit with me?"

She nodded and I walked us over to the side of the room. I sat against the wall and Bella sat between my legs, her back against my chest. I wrapped my arms around her and kissed her shoulder.

"That day, when we came to meet George, I showed you my house. We stood on the footpath outside and I told you how I used to swing on the gate and I pointed out my bedroom window."

"I remember that, but I still don't see ... ,."

"And you said it was a beautiful house. You wanted to come back and see it again before we left and we did and that was when you asked me if we'd ever live here."

She was quiet and then suddenly she turned around to face me, smiling.

"I remember."

I bent my face and kissed the top of her head. "See? It was your idea."

"Well, it was a very good idea, whoever had it. But I also remember you'd seemed surprised when I said it."

"I was."

She snuggled against me and I squeezed my arms tighter around her, loving the feel of having her tucked so close against me.

"Why?"

"Well, until that moment I had never thought of living here again. It had made financial sense to keep it, and even though there was some sentimental attachment and it was like a last link to who I'd been, it was too much a reminder of what I'd lost. I hadn't even set foot in here since 1927."

"That was when you ... ,"

"Yes."

She lifted my hands to her lips and kissed my palms - a small action that meant so much. It was a moment before I could continue.

"But when you asked me that, if we could live here, suddenly it seemed possible. I could see then the house wasn't a reminder of what I'd lost, but what I'd gained. And that's why it means so much to me to bring you here. To _this_ house." I brought my hand up, moving her hair aside, draping it over her shoulder and kissing the back of her neck. She hummed softly and I pulled my lips away a little. "And it also meant that you still saw our future together." I moved back in and kissed her again.

"You already knew that!" I could tell she was rolling her eyes at me and I laughed.

"I know, but every little bit of confirmation was like gold."

I pulled back smiling and she rested her head against my shoulder. We were quiet then. Abbey was still entranced with the mural and the balloons. And I was entranced with my family.

The afternoon passed with Abbey investigating every room with a handful of balloons while Bella and I followed her.

Bella asked lots of questions about my childhood, some I could answer but many I couldn't.

"No, I don't remember sliding down the bannister and I don't think I would have. The knob at the end would have been a problem."

She winced, realising. "True. But I bet you wanted to."

I rolled my eyes but she was right - it probably was something I would have wanted to do.

"Where did you sit at the dining room table?"

"Um, here." I moved to stand behind a chair that was between two others down one side of the table. The dining suite was the original I'd had in storage and the memory was clear. "My mother would sit beside me ... ," I motioned to my right. "And my father sat opposite her."

"He didn't sit at the head?"

"No. I think that's probably a cliche view of the time, that the man of the house sat at the head of the table. Unless there was a dinner party with guests ... my father would sit at the head then."

"So, would you ... "

BANG!!

"Oh Abbey!" Bella rolled her eyes. "That's two down ... "

"And ten to go."

* * *

"Do you think we might stay here other times?"

We sat at the kitchen table a little later while I tried to help Abbey feed herself in her new high chair. Most of it seemed to go anywhere but in her mouth so I had the last spoonful of veges spiralling in for a landing.

"Aaah, yum!" I exclaimed as her mouth closed around the bowl of the spoon. I crossed my eyes at her, making her laugh and she showered me with fluffy, mashed potato. I sighed and took the cloth that Bella offered. I really should have learnt by now.

"Well, we can stay here whenever we like. I don't want to lease the house again. Was there something you had in mind?"

She nodded a little shyly and I was instantly intrigued to know what she was thinking. I leant over and ran my finger lightly along her jaw.

"Tell me?"

She nodded again as she wiped Abbey's face and hands clean and then wiped the tray over. She pulled some puzzle pieces and blocks out of the baby bag and set them on the tray for Abbey to arrange and stack. Then she sat back down again, her eyebrows coming together a little in a frown.

As lovely as it was to watch Bella as she moved, making even the most routine tasks seem like poetry, my curiosity was raging now and I just wanted to hear what she had to say. But I sat patiently, waiting, knowing that she would tell me when she was ready. I didn't think she could hear my foot tapping against the leg of the chair. After a moment she spoke.

"I've done quite a lot of thinking over the past couple of days ... about the future."

I was more than curious now. I was intrigued, fascinated to know. And a little nervous if I was honest with myself. We had only had vague discussions about the future so far and my conversation with Alice tugged at the corner of my mind. Change was coming ... but it was good, I reminded myself. Alice had said it was good.

"Will you tell me?" I asked quietly.

She nodded and took a deep breath.

"You know I don't want to do highschool again?"

I nodded. She had made that very clear. No more highschool, never again. I didn't have a problem with that, I didn't enjoy repeating high school either. But she'd only been a vampire for four months, she didn't see yet that at some point in time, it might be necessary again.

"And, I want to go to college, but I don't want to just learn stuff and not use it."

I nodded again, understanding that feeling, too, and trying to leap ahead to see where she was going with this.

She leaned over and brushed the hair out of my eyes before she continued. I snared her hand and kissed her fingers, making her smile.

"Well, I've done some research over the last few days and, I think I'd like to study English literature."

She had surprised me. I raised an eyebrow and smiled.

"English lit?"

"You seem surprised."

"No, yes, no ... I mean, I had thought that would be something that would suit you, that you'd be good at and enjoy. But you never do what I expect, so I assumed that you'd say something completely ... unexpected."

"So I've been predictable for once."

"No. You were unpredictable again, just by being predictable."

She frowned, her lips silently repeating my words.

"You know, even my vampire brain is having trouble with that one, Edward." I laughed and hugged her. "But I think I know what you mean. So you think that's a good idea?"

"It's a great idea, love. Do you know where you'd like to study?" I was delighted she wanted to go to college and my mind was sorting through options and possibilities as I asked the question.

"Mm, I think so."

"Go on."

"Well, I don't want to leave Forks just yet, and I don't want to be in classes all day, away from Abbey and _you_," she said very pointedly and I smiled and kissed the tip of her nose. She smiled back. "So I looked into long distance study. There are a few universities where that's an option ... one of them is Chicago."

She was watching me closely now and I could feel the excitement rising in me, but not wanting it to spill out just yet, waiting to hear exactly what was her plan.

"But I'd have to come and attend three residentials each year and I was thinking maybe ... ,"

"We could stay here." I finished the sentence for her, barely getting the words out around my grin. "Bella, that's ... yes, yes of course we'll stay here."

I reached over and pulled her into my lap, tightening my arms around her and she hugged me back.

"And maybe there's something you could do, too," she said. "We could study together."

I laughed, excited by her enthusiasm as much as her idea.

"Maybe, I'll certainly look into it."

I kissed her along her jaw and her hands tightened around me, her fingers digging in.

"What would you like to do with your degree when you get it?"

"Hm? Oh, um ... ," she giggled. "You're distracting me."

I chuckled and nudged her behind the ear with my nose. "You think that's distracting? I can do better than that." I whispered.

"Mm? You'll have to show me later when ... ,"

"Mum!"

Abbey decided she was bored with the blocks and the puzzle pieces and dumped them unceremoniously on the floor.

"Tubby, tubby."

Bella sighed and lifted her out of the chair while I picked up the toys. "Tubby time," she said.

"Did you bring it?" I asked as I followed them into the living room.

"Yep, here."

I took the DVD that Bella pulled from her bag and put it into the new entertainment system I'd installed just that morning. Bella settled Abbey on the floor and we settled back on the antique leather sofa. I pressed play on the remote control and Abbey clapped her hands as _The Teletubbies_ started.

"Tubby!"

"How many times have we seen this, now?" I asked, draping my arm around Bella's shoulders. She tucked her legs underneath her and leaned into me.

"About fourteen."

"Is that all? Is she actually learning anything from it?"

Bella shrugged. "I don't know, I think it might just be all colour and movement. Whatever it is, she likes it."

"So it seems. Are they meant to be aliens?"

"You've asked me that before ... I don't know."

"Do we know why the purple one has a handbag?"

"No, he just does."

I nodded. "Do you think they only get one channel on the little televisions in their tummies, or are they set up for cable?"

"Edward, you always do this. Are you _trying_ to be annoying?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"It's distracting me from the banality of the program."

"Then go and do something else." Her tight grip on my hand belied her words.

"Like what?"

"I don't know. You're a vampire, think of something."

"I can think of things ... none of them are appropriate right now."

"Hmph."

"Anyway, I like being with you and Abbey." I kissed her cheek and wriggled down on the sofa, resting my head against her shoulder now and stretching my legs out, resting them carefully on the new coffee table.

"Even if we're watching something banal?"

"Even then." I nuzzled my head against her neck. "You said before you didn't want to go to college and not use what you learn."

"Mm, yes."

I tilted my head, looking up at her through my lashes, wondering if I was forgiven for being annoying. I gave her the crooked smile she loved and apparently, yes, I was forgiven. She kissed the top of my head.

"You're purring, Edward."

"I know." I nuzzled her again. "So do you know what you'd like to do with your degree?"

She took a breath and let her fingers trace over my hand which was resting on her thigh.

"I had some vague ideas before and then readingthe books from Renee's book club has really tipped it for me."

"Mm?" She wanted to write trashy novels?

"Like, just thinking how the stories could have been improved, particularly _Petals in the Snow._ I mean, apart from the awful, flowery language ...,"

"Ivory mounds. Must remember to worship at the altar of yours, later, love."

She looked down at me, slightly shocked. I grinned and winked and she actually gave a little gasp. I felt a familiar energy flow through me as she grinned back.

"As I was saying," she shifted a little against me and squeezed her fingers around mine. "Apart from the flowery language, it's pace was really inconsistent. Some parts rambled and other parts were rushed. There was a character who served no purpose at all, and you kept thinking she had to be there for a reason, but no."

I thought I could see where she was going.

"Are you thinking of editing?" I looked up at her again and she nodded, uncertainty in her eyes.

"What do you think? I mean, I've looked into it and it's something that could be done mostly from home, so there wouldn't be so much involved in keeping up a human facade in an office every day or anything. And I could still be with you and Abbey. I could even free-lance, work with different publishers on a manuscript-by-manuscript basis."

She'd barely stopped for breath, her eyes searching my face for clues to my opinion.

"So ... ?" she asked nervously.

I grinned up at her. She really had worked this all through.

"Bella, it's great. It works on all levels, love."

"Really?" I don't know, when I tell you about it it all sounds so easy and logical and practical, but, is it?"

"It can be, love." I cupped her cheek with my hand, stroking my thumb over the silk of her skin. "It just takes a little thought and organisation and planning, once you know what you want to do. Look at Carlisle. And you know Esme has worked from time to time with her designs." She smiled widely. "And I think this will have a flow on effect. Maybe we'll all start to move on from high school, try looking into other things." Again I thought of my conversation with Alice. Change was coming.

"I'm surprised you all haven't done that before."

I shrugged. "Looking like a teenager is limiting. That's part of the reason I didn't pursue anything with my medical degrees."

"I assumed it was the blood."

I shook my head, wondering how it was that we'd never had this conversation before.

"Not entirely. The blood would certainly be a factor if I was treating patients, but I wouldn't have minded going into research."

"Why didn't you?"

"I could have, but I look too young. It raises too many questions, draws too much attention."

_The Teletubbies_ finished and Abbey came over, wanting to crawl onto my lap.

"Dad," she yawned, cuddling into me.

"She's missed you," Bella said softly as she stroked Abbey's hair.

"I missed her, too." I placed a kiss on her head and she yawned again as Bella stood up.

"I'll get her bath ready, and then it's bedtime."

So I sang _The Teletubbies_ theme to Abbey while I listened to Bella filling the tub upstairs.

I was excited about Bella's decisions. She'd adapted so well to her new lifestyle, but at the back of my mind I'd been worried about how she'd deal with the aimlessness that endless time and limited opportunities present for our kind. I shouldn't have worried, though. I should have known she'd work something out. And now that she had a direction that could suit her for a considerable time to come, I could think about my direction and how we could work in with each other. I wondered briefly if I really might have graduated high school for the final time. I hoped so.

Abbey was bathed and ready for bed. The balloons were tied up and stowed away in the spare bedroom - there were eight left, now. I laid her in her crib and Bella pulled up the blanket as Abbey looked at us through sleepy eyes. I leaned over her, pressing my lips to her forehead as she gave a deep yawn. Than I stepped back to watch Bella sing softly as Abbey's eyelids fluttered and then closed, her little mouth dropping open as she drifted into sleep.

My daughter, sleeping in my old room. My wife, singing to her. Was there a luckier or happier man than I? No, I didn't think so.

We left the bedroom, closing the door behind us. In the hallway my hand reached to catch Bella's but she pulled back.

"Why don't you go downstairs," she whispered. "I'll come down in a minute."

I was puzzled and a little disappointed. I'd been looking forward to our alone time all afternoon. Well, if I was honest with myself, I'd been looking forward to it for three days. _Really_ looking forward to it. And having her back with me, the gentle touches, the cuddles, had only turned up the heat on my desire. What had been simmering for three days was nearing boiling point, now.

"Don't look like that," she laughed. My disappointment was obviously showing as Bella came up on her toes and kissed me. "Now I know where Abbey gets her sulky face," she whispered and went to step away. Quickly, I put my hands on her hips, holding her against me.

"I just want to change out of these clothes, that's all," she said, smiling.

I shrugged a shoulder. "I could help you." I bent down to nibble on her ear.

"Oh, mmmm ... I don't need help."

"I could just watch." I let one hand slide down to the swell of her bottom and she sighed, pressing into me. She could feel my response and I smiled when I heard her moan softly.

Then she took a breath and stepped back a little, shaking the hair out of her eyes, obviously trying to refocus her thoughts.

"Um, yeah, I was thinking maybe you could light a fire in the fireplace. While you're doing that I'll change, okay?"

"You want a roaring fire?" Instantly I could see the possibilities and I was glad we'd chosen a thick hearth rug.

"I do. So we can cuddle up in front of it."

I quirked an eyebrow. "Just cuddle?"

She laughed. "Just go, Edward." And she pushed me away firmly and disappeared into our room.

I stood alone, in the hall, trying to catch my breath and pulling one hand through my hair while I tried to adjust myself more comfortably with the other.

A fire.

That would mean firewood.

I didn't have any firewood.

I took the stairs three at a time, mind racing. I could break a branch off the oak tree. No, the wood wouldn't be dry enough.

"Think Cullen, she wants a fire."

The new coffee table was wood. Yes, it would burn well and I could easily buy another. But Bella wouldn't be impressed and that would put a damper on things. I didn't want a damper on things.

And then inspiration came to me.

The shed.

I ran outside, across the yard to the shed and in my haste I broke the handle off the door. I looked at it lying across my palm and shrugged - I'd fix it later.

The shed was full of wooden shelves and we didn't need them all. I started ripping them off the walls. Four should do it. Wait, we had all night ahead of us. I pulled off four more, leaving just the one with the paint things on it and charged back into the house.

Matches.

I skidded through the kitchen, stopping just before I crashed into the new fridge, my excitement making me a little less smooth than usual. I grabbed the matches from the pantry, listening now to the sounds from upstairs. Abbey's even breathing, and the sound of silk rustling.

_Please let it be the blue negligee._

I groaned and her laughter filtered down from upstairs. She'd heard me. I didn't care - she knew what she did to me.

I hurried back into the living room and built my fire, crushing one of the shelves to make kindling and breaking up the other shelves to place around it. The wood ignited easily and I leant back on my heels to watch as it took hold.

Human Bella had loved the fireplace in our cottage. Vampire Bella didn't feel the cold, but like me, she welcomed the feel of the warmth on her skin. And we both liked the atmosphere it gave to a room ... or an evening.

Happy that the fire needed no more attention I moved back across the floor and sat in the leather chair closest to the flames, watching them flicker and jump.

"Fire's ready," I said softly.

She didn't answer but I heard her making her way down the stairs ... Bella was coming to me and my whole body was on alert, every particle focused on the sound of her footsteps, her breathing, her scent as it moved through the air.

"Bella .... ," I breathed. She appeared in the doorway of the living room, and dear Lord, it _was_ the blue negligee.

It was liquid silk flowing and rippling over her body as she moved slowly, so deliberately slowly, allowing me time to appreciate her ... to savour.

"Damn!" I looked down quickly at the armrest where my fingers had just torn through the leather, right down to the wooden frame.

"Edward?"

"Er, nothing." I leaned a strategic elbow over the damage and hoped she hadn't noticed. But her raised eyebrow and the smirk of her lips told me she had. My need for her now was actually painful.

I took a breath to try and calm myself. We'd made love every day since she'd been changed. These past three days had been ... difficult.

Sometimes we were raw and primal, other times gentle and tender. Tonight I wanted to take things slowly. I wanted to kiss every inch of her skin, I wanted to show her my adoration and love in the slow and deliberate worship of her body.

She sank down in front of me, her hands on my knees, moving them apart slightly as she began rubbing, massaging my thighs through the denim. Her touch felt hot and it was as though waves of electricity were ripping through my body. If she kept that up all my plans for slow and gentle would be out the window.

I reached out and stilled her hands.

"No?" she looked confused and I slid out of the chair so now we were both on our knees.

"I'd like to do this slowly, love." I lifted her hands to my mouth and kissed them, keeping my eyes on hers. "If that's alright with you?"

"Oh." She understood and she smiled that beautiful smile, the one I only saw when we were together like this. She turned her head to the side and I brought my lips down to her neck, kissing and sucking, pulling her skin gently into my mouth and hearing her moan with the sensation.

As my lips moved over her neck and throat my hands moved up to slip the blue ribbons from her shoulders, my fingers trailing over her skin.

"Edward ... ,"

"Mm?"

Her hands came up to my shoulders and she pushed the shirt from my body.

"Ahh," she sighed and ran her fingernails lightly over my chest. I shivered and sucked in a breath. Slow was going to be difficult.

I leant forward and scooped her into my arms, lying us both down on the hearth rug. Her skin glowed from the light of the flames, her eyes were dark with longing and no doubt reflected my own. I slid the silk from her skin, down over her body and legs, my eyes drinking in the exquisite beauty that was my wife, lying naked, for me.

"Bella ... ,"

"Mm?" She was smiling at me, reaching up to touch my face while she helped me push my jeans off with her feet.

I kissed her palm and then bent my head to trail my lips between her breasts, smiling at the little sounds she made. She wasn't near enough and I moved closer, resting my body along the length of hers.

"Mmmm, hmm ... slowly?"

Her eyes were closed but she sensed my dilemma, my body was clearly in conflict with my words. It would be hard to hold back, but I wanted to savour the experience with her ... making love to her here, in this house for the first time.

"Yes, slowly." I ran my tongue over her breast, moaning at the feel of her, my body ready to charge forward and just take her.

She hissed, her back arching slightly off the rug.

"I missed you so much," she whispered. "And today, being together but having to wait ... ,"

I groaned. My eyes closed and my body was shivering with the need for her. I craved not just the sensation of being with her, or within her, but the feeling of completion and belonging that came from that.

As I felt her fingers trail along the length of my spine, the sensation made me wonder if _slow_ was going to be an option after all. I swallowed and took a deep breath, just as her hand reached around and took me. I sucked in a sharp breath, my body shuddering with the pleasure.

Bella's eyes found mine and a look of understanding passed between us.

"I love you," I whispered, as she took me in, my head dropping to her shoulder and I groaned as she held me tightly.

"I love you, Edward. Welcome home."

**Hope you enjoyed - part 2 will be along soon and wel'll see Edward's version of the night Abbey was born, and tie up a few more loose ends.**


	24. Chapter 24: Edward's Epilogue Part 2

**All things Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended.**

* * *

The street outside was quiet but I was listening closely to the sound of the distant nighttime traffic - trying to pick out the sound of a Volvo making its way home.

I glanced at my watch but I already knew - Bella had been gone for two hundred and forty eight minutes, just over four hours. And I'd been worried for five.

Abbey snuffled and made a soft whimper sound in her sleep as she lay curled up on my chest in the dark.

"Ssh, it's alright, she'll be home soon." I rubbed my hand over her back, feeling the gentle rise and fall of her little body as she breathed. "It won't be long now." _Shouldn't_ be long now.

I knew the words were for my benefit, not Abbey's - she'd been asleep since Bella left, but a small cry in her sleep had taken me from my book and brought me to her room. She had settled again as soon as I stroked her cheek, but I picked her up anyway and brought her back to our bedroom to lie with me. I told myself it was just in case she became upset again.

But if I was honest with myself, and that happened more often now, Abbey's presence in my arms made me feel closer to Bella and eased my worry.

Bella was hunting alone for the first time.

This was a difficulty of us being in Chicago without family ... there was no-one else to stay with Abbey so any hunting would have to be done solo.

Bella had only hunted a few days earlier, the night before she made the journey here, but the Christmas concert was tomorrow and she'd be standing in a crowded plaza with thousands of humans. She probably didn't need to hunt again so soon, but she saw it as a precaution.

"Shouldn't be long now," I whispered again ... just in case Abbey was wondering.

Four hours wasn't really that long. She'd have to drive for at least an hour, possibly more, to find somewhere remote enough to hunt. Then she'd have to locate her prey. It would probably be deer, it usually took her about forty seconds to bring one down, roughly three minutes to drain it, depending on the size. So, allowing four minutes per deer, and she'd probably only want three or four of them, leaving maybe ten minutes between each one, then another hour or so back again.

"Shouldn't be long now."

It was ten minutes past two, she'd been gone two hundred and fifty minutes.

I knew I was being ridiculous. I knew nothing would happen to her. She was a powerful predator, no human or animal could harm her. Her heightened senses and reflexes meant car accidents were virtually impossible. And even if she did have an accident she couldn't be harmed. Unless the car burst into flames, and then .....

No, those scenarios were all Hollywood and spy novels. Bella was at risk of nothing.

But still ... I worried. She'd never hunted alone before.

If she came across a human ...

I shook my head, trying to lose that thought. It shouldn't pose a problem, she dealt with humans on an almost daily basis now.

But not when she was hunting.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. She was strong, and not just physically. If she picked up a human scent she'd stop herself like she had before. Like she had that first day.

Bella's progress in her new life had been remarkable, but not perfect. Initially, she needed to hunt every three to four days or she became edgy, erratic and irritable, but even then she was still had far more control than any newborn we'd ever seen. And gradually the time between hunts lengthened, the erratic behaviour began to fade away, and she'd been able to visit her father briefly on what would have been her birthday. He'd hugged her and told her he loved her and that it didn't matter _how_ she was still in his life, just as long as she was. It was the most emotional speech I'd ever heard him make, but it only reflected the love that had always been in his thoughts.

Two hundred and fifty two minutes.

I wondered briefly if there were other vampires in the Chicago area and what would happen if Bella came across them. They'd no doubt be curious, wondering why she was hunting animals, but there would be no reason for them to be aggressive. Unless it was someone like James.

I groaned and rubbed my hand over my face. Bella still had much of her newborn strength, and she was fast, but no faster than the average vampire - she couldn't outrun me. What would she do if there _was_ a situation? She'd have to fight and the thought released a rush of venom in my mouth and I swallowed hard as my instinct to protect was triggered.

I thought of calling her. My hand reached out to the bedside table but I stopped myself. If there was a problem Alice would see, I'd have heard something.

I was being ridiculous. It had only been two hundred and fifty five minutes.

I stroked Abbey's cheek. Her skin was just starting to lose some of its downy softness, becoming smoother, a little firmer, becoming more like her mother's ... like mine. But she didn't sparkle in the sun and for that I was grateful - we were hoping she'd have as normal a life as possible, given her heritage. Although it was hard for me to think about her growing up. We'd been finger painting earlier in the afternoon and there was still a tiny speck of blue on the knuckle of her finger. I licked my thumb and gently wiped it off, noticing that there was still some paint under my nails. I knew there was some in my hair, too.

I took a deep breath and checked the time. Again. I needed a distraction, something else to focus on, something happy. I rubbed Abbey's back gently as I whispered ...

"Shall I tell you about the night you were born?"

I talked about a picnic in the park, a chair that I blew up like a giant balloon, beautiful music, watching thunderstorms, rain pattering over glass, memories, excitement, happiness, cuddles, kisses, tiny fingers and toes. But while I told Abbey the glossy, abridged version, my mind relived every terrifying, magnificent moment.

The drive home from Port Angeles was quiet, calm, peaceful. Bella was almost asleep and I was completely content, thinking I'd carry her into bed, snuggle her under the covers and just spend the night curled around her, breathing her in, feeling our baby kick.

That was my plan ... until I smelt it.

Bella's blood mixed with something else, something I'd never smelt before. And then my whole world tipped on its axis as I realised.

My head snapped around to look at her and she was looking at me, confused, embarrassed.

Her waters had broken.

We were about to become parents and I bit back a bubble of laughter as I realised this was serious. A vision of Bella giving birth by the side of the road flashed through my mind. I tried to keep calm as I hit the accelerator.

We were home in minutes and I carried her upstairs and sat her in the middle of the bed. Suddenly, she seemed more fragile than ever before and for a moment I just stared at her, remembering everything that had brought us to that point. How I'd panicked when she told me she was pregnant, my body wracked with fear and guilt, and then the explosive joy of Alice's vision, the realization that it was true, and the incredible pride I felt.

Every day of the pregnancy ... every single day. Seeing her body grow and change in the most beautiful way possible. Feeling our baby move and kick beneath my hands as they rested on her glorious belly.

"Our baby's coming." I moved closer to her and held her face between my palms. She seemed steady and unruffled and I couldn't understand how ... unless she was a mess on the inside, too. Like me.

"Are you alright?" Please let her be alright.

"Nothing hurts. I don't feel any different. I ... I just think I'd like to get out of these clothes."

Idiot, Cullen! "Of course. I'm sorry. Here." I picked up one of the hospital gowns from the silver trolley that stood, waiting, in the corner of the room. "Is this okay?" It felt stiff and scratchy in my hands.

Bella nodded and I started to move towards her with the gown but she was starting to get off the bed.

"I might have a shower."

Oh. "Shall I help you?" Of course she wanted a shower first. I was going about this all wrong. I was pulling my hands through my hair and she looked at me, concerned.

"No. No, I'll be fine. Actually, maybe just a hand to get off the bed."

Once she was safely in the shower I closed the bathroom door and let my panic loose.

My phone was shaking in my hand as I called Carlisle. I knew I'd probably get his voicemail, I was expecting it, but I still swore when I heard the polite recorded message. While I waited for the beep I tried to gather my thoughts. I was pacing pulling my hand through my hair and my jaw was so tense that when I spoke it was almost through clenched teeth.

"Carlisle, it's Edward." I swallowed and tried to keep my voice steady. Bella's waters have started breaking and ... you're not here. I realise I know what to do, in theory, I mean, I _know _what to do I just ... _I don't know what to do!" _Any pretense at calm evaporated. "Please call me as soon as you get this, please? She's just in the early stages now, I don't know how long it's going to take, whether you'll make it back in time. But, even if you ... anything, anything will help. Instructions over the phone, anything at all. I ... I don't want ... this can't go wrong, I .... I ... please call me. Please."

I flipped the phone closed, staring at it in my hand while my other hand gripped the thin steel railing around the top of the silver trolley. I forced myself to breathe deeply, slowly. In, out. I had to be calm, they both needed me to be calm, Bella and the baby.

I had two medical degrees. I'd seen instructional films, I'd read textbooks, I'd seen childbirth in the thoughts of others.

But none of those involved_ my wife_.

And none of those involved an embryonic membrane made of stone.

I pulled open the trolley's shallow drawer, shuddering slightly as I looked at the tool that was stored inside.

I had tried to tell Bella about it but she'd waved me away.

"I don't think I want to know, Edward," she'd said. "Just do what you have to. I trust Carlisle and I trust you."

She trusted me.

I started chewing on my lip, hoping desperately that her trust wasn't misplaced.

The tool was a circular saw, a much smaller verison of the kind workmen use to cut through stone or steel. But this one was custom-made, designed to cut into Bella.

The tiny, diamond tipped serrations made it the strongest, sharpest blade available and its cuts would be clean and smooth. I knew because I'd tried it out on myself to make sure. I'd had to use a fair amount of pressure, but the incision along my forearm had been clean, the edges neat, no tearing or gouging. I'd studied the cut carefully, then sealed it closed with venom, satisfied that the saw would do the job ... if it came to that.

I ran my finger along the blade. The other half human-half vampire baby we knew of had been born naturally and the chances were good that our baby would be born the same way. I told myself again that the saw was just in case, but even so ... I had thought that it would be Carlisle doing it, and the idea that it might be me made my body shiver and I closed the draw quickly.

I grabbed hold of the railing that ran around the top of the trolley and let my head drop forward as I took a few slow, deep breaths. It helped, I felt a little better, but I realised as I lifted my face that the rail had bent under my hand, the metal squashed flat and curved with dents that matched the shape of my fingers. I pulled my hand away, I hadn't thought I was holding on that tightly, and my eyes widened in horror. I was having difficulty monitoring my grip ... what was that going to mean for Bella and the baby?

At that point my other hand snapped the railing right off and I groaned as another shiver ran through me. Suddenly, impossibly, I felt cold.

I backed away from the trolley, like it was something dangerous. I grabbed my phone and tried Carlisle again without success.

I swore again.

I paced the room, swearing and cursing, until I stopped and forced myself to take some more deep breaths, force myself to calm down. Then I saw again the bent and broken railing on the trolley and I swore some more. And then, because I didn't know what else to do, I did something I hadn't done in more than ninety years - I knelt by the bed, put my head in my hands and prayed.

"Dear Lord, please ... ,"

Bella's heart rate spiked, she cried out and I catapulted myself over the bed and through the bathroom door.

"Bella?"

She looked as panicked as I felt.

"Edward ...! ,"

I pulled open the shower door and stepped in with her, not caring that I was fully clothed. She was shivering despite the warm water, her heart was pounding and over the scent of her blood that pounded through her I could smell something else ... fear.

My own fear grew as I pulled her into me and turned off the water. All the time part of my brain was focused on the pressure of my arms around her body, on my hand on the taps. The last thing she needed was seeing me snap them off at the wall.

"What is it? Is it pain?" Was it happening now? NOW? I moved my hand over her belly and was surprised at how much harder it felt. She couldn't stop crying and I used both hands on her, desperately trying to feel something, to find the cause of her distress.

I found nothing.

"Bella ... ," Please, I don't know what to do. "Bella ... I, tell me ... ,"

"Edward, what if ... I'm in labour ... for five days? Until the ... sixteenth?"

What was she saying? The sixteenth? That was five days away, why would she ... oh, Alice's vision.

I smiled, somewhat relieved. It wasn't pain that made her call out, she wasn't hurting.

But she was scared, her apparent calm from earlier had disappeared and suddenly my own fear left me in the face of hers.

She needed me and she needed me to be calm.

"No. No, love. That won't happen."

"But ... Alice's vision."

I took a towel from the rack and wrapped her in it, rubbing it gently over her skin, trying not to drip on her.

"Alice's visions can change. That tumble you almost took in the park has obviously set things off early. You won't be in labour for five days, love." I held her close to me, her heart rate was starting to calm, but not as much as I would have liked. Her breathing was fast and hard with broken sobs.

"How ... do you ... know I ... won't?"

I bent down to look directly into her eyes.

"Because I won't allow it."

Her heart rate and breathing began to settle and her sobs faded.

"Come on, love." I lifted her, nuzzling my face into her hair and took her back to the bed, setting her against the pillows, I hoped, comfortably.

I moved the towel over her some more, drying the bits I'd missed and thought about the hospital gown. It seemed so clinical, so stiff, and I didn't want it rubbing against her skin. There were still a few of my old clothes in the cupboard. I wondered if she'd prefer my old t-shirt and when I offered it to her she smiled and I helped her with it before drying myself and pulling on some old sweat pants.

I shifted the bed so we could look out the window, watch the rain pelting down against the glass while the sky beyond darkened to black. I hoped it would have a calming effect.

I climbed on the bed with her and while I kept a silent record of the minutes between each grimace and wince, we talked about our first date, that first kiss, our early days together. I kept my hands on her belly, hoping for clues to the baby's position, clues to anything at all.

I told her about the blood in the fridge, about the syringe of venom, and she gave her consent for me to change her if I thought it was necessary. I hugged her, praying it wouldn't come to that, and realised suddenly that it was the second time that night I had asked for God's help.

She talked a little, her delicate fingers grasping mine. She looked into my eyes, and in the soft, brown depths of hers I saw the love she had for me, the trust and the incredible strength that made me believe that we could do this, that it would be alright.

And excitement started to build in me. An eagerness to meet our son or daughter, my eagerness to be a father.

Bella's pains began to worsen and she wanted the shower again. She declined help, so once she was safely in the bathroom I laid back on the bed and thought through the stages of labour and the process of delivering a baby. I tried not to concentrate on the fact that it was _my_ baby.

Bella was in the first stage of labour, her contractions were irregular right now, though they were increasing in strength and frequency. I knew at some point I would need to examine her and I wondered how she would feel about that. I tried Carlisle again and left another message, this one calmer. So far her labour seemed to be progressing normally, but the sac was still an unknown.

I could hear her in the shower. Her heart was pumping harder. It was a subtle thing at the moment, she probably didn't even notice yet, but it was pushing the blood around her body with more force. She was making soft humming sounds, not quite moaning, and my hands were clenching the coverlet every time I heard her. I knew she was becoming more uncomfortable, but so far the contractions didn't seem particularly painful. I wondered how much longer before she moved into the active stage, and whether Carlisle would arrive before she did so.

My question was answered just a moment later when her hums graduated to a deep groan.

I was off the bed and across the room in one leap, and just managed to stop myself bursting in on her. Another sudden, panicked appearance on my part wouldn't help her. It would be better if she thought I was calm.

"Calm, calm," I whispered to myself as I stood at the door.

"Bella, love? Can I come in?" My voice didn't sound quite calm enough. She was silent and my hand was turning the knob when she moaned a _yes_ that clearly took a lot of effort.

Her hands were braced against the wall, her forehead resting on the tiles. Her beautiful body looked heavy, her belly tight. She was chewing on her lip and the contraction that rolled through her was strong enough that I could see the muscles tightening under her skin. I winced, nails digging into my palms.

"Just tell me what to do." I said softly.

She twisted her head slowly to look at me through half-closed eyes.

"Hold me?"

Before her heart could beat once more I'd pulled my clothes off and stepped under the water with her. She linked her arms around my neck and we began rocking as the water flowed over Bella's back. I hoped its warmth was bringing her some relief.

I rubbed her back, we moved onto our knees, she rested against my lap and chest. I didn't know what to do for her, the baby books and videos hadn't prepared me for the utter helplessness that I was feeling as each contraction came and lingered longer than the last. Her moans and groans became deeper, she started rubbing her hands over her belly ... and stopped.

"Edward!" The panic in her voice, her eyes, cut through me like knives. The fear I'd been keeping at bay surged back in full force and I slapped my palms against the taught skin, wondering what had happened to make her look and sound that way.

And what had happened made me grin.

Her belly felt soft, rubbery.

"It's dissolving," I said. "That's why you've been so hot, your body needed the temperature to dissolve the amniotic sac, that's how it works!" Relief beyond words flowed through me and I started laughing, hugging Bella to me.

"Then no chewing through my stomach, huh?" She gave a weak smile at her joke.

"No, no chewing." And no circular saw.

"And if I need a c-section, you can do one, right?"

"Er, yes. But hopefully that won't be necessary." I could feel now that the baby was in the right position for a normal delivery and I felt another wave of relief. I held Bella as she sagged against me, rubbing her back as another contraction took her. The amniotic sac left her body and then things really got serious.

She paced, back and forth, circling the bed, carving a path in the carpet as she tried to find relief. Her groans were becoming deeper, more guttural, she would lean on the bed or hold onto the trolley or a bedpost as she'd breathe through contractions, her knuckles turning white as she gripped whatever came to hand. Sometimes she'd chew her lip so hard I thought she'd chew right through it.

She didn't want me to touch her. She didn't want me near her and I thought I would go mad. I sat on the bed, completely overwhelmed now, torn and terrified, while Bella paced and prowled.

She was glorious, she was beautiful, she was ... beyond words.

But every grimace, every moan ripped at my heart and I hated myself for putting her in this situation, for doing this to her.

I tore at my hair, I chewed on my knuckles and almost bit through my fingers as I watched her. I promised myself I would never touch her again, I would never lay another finger on her. I should never have touched her in the first place.

But despite her obvious pain, there was an indescribable beauty in the way she moved, in the sounds she made, the breaths she took. The sight of her, moving, working to bring our child into the world, had me awestruck. That somehow I had been given the opportunity to experience this left me speechless. That she would go through this for me, for us, humbled me.

She wanted the bean bag, and I pulled it from the cupboard quickly, anxious to do something, anything, however small, to help. She leant into it and sighed and I hesitated before kneeling beside her and resting my hand on her lower back. I rubbed hesitantly, ready to pull away if she told me to.

"Is this okay?"

"Yes."

It was okay. I was doing something right.

So I kept rubbing. My hands wouldn't tire, I'd rub forever if it helped. I could feel her muscles moving and squeezing as she groaned. Her contractions were growing stronger and more frequent, she was well and truly in the active stage, and I needed to know how far she had progressed. Carlisle hadn't returned my call yet and I realised now I would definitely be delivering this baby without him.

At that thought I pulled in a breath, taking it down deep into my lungs, hoping it would quell the simmering fear that threatened to boil over again. It took a second breath before I trusted myself to speak.

"Bella, I should probably see how far you've progressed."

"What?"

"I ... um, I need to examine you, love."

Her eyes were shut tight but she nodded. I moved her, as gently as I could, back onto the bed.

"Alright, I'm just going to see how far ... ,"

She let out a small sob and I withdrew my hand. Now I was adding to her pain.

"I'm so sorry."

"S'okay," she murmured. "So how far ... ?" Her words were cut off by a contraction that had her gasping for breath, her eyes wild with shock and pain. Her left hand clutched at the sheet, knuckles whitening around the fistful of fabric. Her right hand she flung towards me and I grabbed it and held on, letting her squeeze my fingers as hard as she could. I was worried she might actually hurt her hand but assumed that pain would be inconsequential compared to what else she was feeling.

"You're doing really well." I was so incredibly proud of her. "I don't think it'll be too much longer."

"How long has it been already?"

"Don't think about that right now, Bella, it's prob ... ,"

"How long!" She snapped, glaring at me with a death stare.

"Four hours."

"Thank you. Can I go back to the bean bag now?"

I rested her back on the brown vinyl bag. She didn't want me touching her now, so I paced, unable to be still, but my eyes never left her.

Her pains grew stronger as the time between them grew shorter and she reached out to me again.

"Edward," she whimpered and I was beside her on my knees, stroking her hair, rubbing her back.

"I love you, Bella. I love you, you're doing so well. Remember your breathing, love, pant through the pain. I can't tell you how beautiful you are, Bella."

I started panting, meaning to encourage her, but stopped when I saw the look on her face. She spoke then through her teeth.

"Stop. Now."

So I stopped talking, and just held her hand. It was all she'd let me do.

Her body was curled forward, pushing. I held her hand, she gritted her teeth. She swore, she told me she wished she'd never met me. I told her I was sorry. Her words, her grasp on my fingers, told me the pain she was in. I was about to apologise again but I couldn't speak because as I looked down my breath left my body ... our baby's head starting to appear.

I stood frozen, not quite able to take it in. This was our child, this was real, soon we would be a family. I was completely lost in the miracle that was unfolding in front of my eyes.

"Edward! You can't stare at me like that and not tell me what's happening!"

Bella's voice brought me back and I looked up at her.

"I can see ... ," I tried to answer her, but my voice cracked, eluding me. I swallowed and tried again. "The head is crowning." And I started smiling. "Our baby has hair."

For a moment Bella looked like she hadn't understood what I'd said.

She frowned at me. "What colour?"

It was hard to tell as I looked back at the little patch that was all I could see.

"I don't know ... dark."

And then another wave of pain hit Bella. I squeezed her hand before pulling mine away, it looked like I'd be needing both of them in a moment.

"Push, love. I don't think it'll be much longer now."

She pushed and I wondered where her tiny body found the energy or strength.

I knew she didn't want me to speak, I burned at the thought of the pain she was feeling, but my excitement was such that I couldn't keep quiet. The words spilled out.

"Love, you're doing so well, this is just incredible ... beautiful ... it's ... I wish you could see, Bella, it's ... I don't have words ... I, oh, oh ..."

I gasped as our baby's head emerged, settling into my waiting hands. _My hands._

I was grinning, excitement and wonder burning through me as Bella flopped back on the pillows.

"Love, it's ... ," but my excitement stopped sharply at the sight of the pulsing, purple cord wound around the baby's neck.

Another contraction was coming, Bella began to bring her head forward again, preparing to push.

"STOP! Bella don't push, love. You have to stop pushing, the cord ... ," I didn't want to scare her, even though I wasn't sure how much she was listening.. "I need to move the cord, just pant for me, Bella. Pant for me, _please_."

She did as I asked and I held all emotion at bay as I assessed what I was seeing, reciting procedures in my head as I worked.

A cord wrapped around the neck was not uncommon. It could generally be slipped over the head easily, I just had to be careful. If it was wrapped too tightly I'd have to cut it now and then deliver the baby quickly.

I supported the baby's head in my left hand. With my right I very carefully eased two fingers between the cord and the neck. It wasn't too tight but I knew there was another contraction coming, Bella's body wanted to push and I couldn't let her.

"Keep panting, Bella, please don't push. Not yet." _Please._

I willed my hands to be steady as I carefully lifted the cord over the baby's face, chanting _gently, gently_ to myself as I moved it out of the way. Relief rolled through me and I thought for a moment my legs would give way.

"Um, you can push now, love." My voice sounded weak even to me.

"I don't think I can." Bella's eyes were closed, I knew how exhausted she was, but she was so close, it was almost over.

I was still cradling the baby's head, but I took one hand and reached out to grab Bella's. I linked my fingers with hers and realised I was holding my wife _and _child in my hands. Emotions, strong and fierce, threatened to overwhelm me, but I pushed them back. _Not yet_, I told myself, _not yet._

"Just one more, love. I promise."

The most determined expression crossed her face and she bent herself forward as much as she could and I would never know how she found the strength.

I pulled my fingers back from Bella's and turned the baby slightly, easing it's shoulders through as it came from Bella and into my hands.

_My hands._

She was a girl.

We had a daughter.

I was a father.

But I still couldn't let myself think about it - there was still more to do before I gave free reign to my feelings.

I cleared her mouth. I cut her cord. I rubbed her chest to encourage her to breathe. Bella was asking me what was happening, did we have a boy or a girl, but I was waiting for the cry. I knew sometimes it could take a moment. I waited. And waited.

And then it came, that soft little cry and she began to jerk her arms and legs.

My hands shook as I held her to me and when I looked into her face I wasn't prepared for the crushing love that filled and flamed through me. It left me without words or thought ... there was only feeling, only love, fierce and pure, bewildering and overwhelming.

She was so tiny, so perfect. It was utterly beyond me to believe that I'd had a part in this.

I brought my lips to her forehead and kissed her.

My daughter.

_Our daughter._

My eyes found Bella's. She had tears, her face eager and expectant.

"Edward? What do we have?"

I opened my mouth to speak, I meant to tell her we had a girl, but instead I spoke what was in my heart.

"Oh, Bella ... she's beautiful."

And when I laid her in Bella's arms it was the sweetest moment of my _life._

I looked at my watch again.

Two hundred and sixty two minutes.

Abbey yawned and stuck her thumb in her mouth and I chuckled softly, the vibration of my chest moving her slightly.

I decided it was time to return her to her crib so I eased carefully off the bed and carried her into her room, settling her in and tucking her blanket around her. I kissed her forehead, stroked her cheek and then returned to our bedroom where I lay on the bed to wait.

Two hundred and sixty eight minutes.

I reached for my phone again, holding it above me as I scrolled through the menu to number one in my address book. My thumb hovered over the call button.

She was alright, I didn't need to call. It would look like I was checking up on her, like I didn't think she could manage on her own. She was fine. There was nothing out there that could hurt her.

I set the phone back on the bedside table next to Mr Billington. I smiled and picked the bear up, tipping him over slightly. He growled, as usual, and I chuckled, answering him with a soft growl of my own. I tipped him again and then set him back on the bedside table beside Bella's rings.

She always took off her fancier rings before hunting, wearing only the plain flat wedding band that hadn't left her finger since the day I put it there. She was worried the diamond engagement ring would be damaged or lost in a hunt. It was the same with her eternity ring.

I smiled as I picked up the band of alternating diamonds and topaz, slipping it onto my little finger - it only went as far as my first knuckle.

Our first anniversary had been just weeks after her change. I'd decided some months earlier that I would give her an eternity ring for our anniversary. It was a traditional gift and held a lot of meaning for me. She'd told me once that her favourite gemstone was topaz, the colour of my eyes, so I'd spent several hours with a jeweller in Seattle, sorting through a collection of gems selecting the best quality, the right shade.

I'd been nervous before giving it to her, my fingers trembled as they closed around the velvet box in my pocket, so wary of her reaction, knowing only too well her reluctance to receive expensive presents. I'd reigned myself in with our first Christmas and her last birthday. We'd been returning from a run through the woods, she was preparing to jump over the stream that ran near the cottage, but I'd stopped her. I'd taken her hand in mine and she'd seemed puzzled as I took a deep, steady breath, slipping the ring from its box and bringing it out to slide onto her finger slowly.

"It's traditional," I'd said firmly, without ceremony, hoping it sounded like I would accept no argument. "Happy anniversary."

Our heads had been bent over her hand, both of us looking at the sparkling band of gems. Bella was very still and I'd slowly lifted my face to watch her. She'd stared at her finger while I'd chewed my way through my lip.

Then she had smiled. And her smile was every present I could ever want.

"Edward, it's so beautiful," she'd whispered, bringing her head up to look at me. "Like your eyes. Thank you." And she wrapped her arms around me while I stood, shocked, at her easy acceptance and obvious delight.

"Really? You're ... you're welcome."

I stared, smiling, at the ring now, before sliding it off my finger.

Two hundred and seventy one minutes.

I thought I'd try my book again. I'd left it on the kitchen counter so I got off the bed and headed downstairs. As I passed the living room I decided to start a fire in the fireplace - it would be inviting and cosy for Bella when she came home. And I had proper fire wood now.

I set out for the garden shed, this would keep me busy and Bella would probably be back by the time I finished.

But she wasn't.

Two hundred and seventy four minutes.

Maybe I should have done it at human speed.

I pulled my hands through my hair and felt the stiffness of the paint that was still there. There was more at the back too and I made another decision - I'd go and have a shower, wash my hair, and if Bella still wasn't back by the time I got out I would call her. If she didn't answer ... I'd call Alice.

I felt a little happier. I had a plan.

In the bathroom I stripped off, and stepped under the stream of water. It only took seconds for me to wash away the paint and I was out again, wrapping a towel around my hips as I shook the water from my hair and headed back to the bedroom, and the phone.

I sat on the bed, ready to call her, but my body nearly melted into the mattress with relief when I heard the unmistakable purr of the Volvo ... and she was driving faster than I would have expected.

I hurried into the hall, grasped the bannister with one hand and vaulted myself over the railing onto the floor below, landing just as Bella came through the door.

"Bella," I pulled her to me, crushing her against my chest as her arms wound around me tight.

"Miss me?" she mumbled against my skin and I nodded, my chin moving over the top of her head.

"Yes." I squeezed her tighter. "I'm glad you're home." I felt like laughing now.

"I'm glad to be home, I missed you too," she said and pulled back so her eyes could travel over me. She leant in and kissed at some droplets of water that were scattered across my chest.

"What are you doing home alone dressed like this?" Her lips caressed my skin and I hissed at the feeling.

"Um, shower, washing paint out of my hair." I pulled my fingers through the strands, pushing it out of my eyes where it had fallen, wet and heavy.

"Mm," she hummed and she pulled back again and now I let my eyes wander over her.

"You're all in one piece?"

She smiled and nodded as she reached up to run her fingers over my chest slowly.

"Of course."

Tonight she looked wild, like she always did after a hunt. Cheeks almost flushed, shirt torn down one side, she was still having a struggle keeping the back legs still, but that just took time. I pulled her into my arms again, nuzzled my face into her hair and breathed deeply. She smelled of the hunt, earth and animal and my relief shifted now into something else, something raw and primal.

Desire.

When we hunted together we would often make love in the woods afterwards. I wondered if she was feeling that way now. Suddenly I was hoping.

There was a spark of light in her garnet eyes and she ran her nose along my jaw, her hands still playing over my chest. My hands felt the swell of her bottom, squeezing slightly and she sighed, shivering a little as I bent my head and ran my teeth along her neck. I really should be asking about her first solo hunt, but the way she looked right now, her scent ....

"So, ... how was it?" I choked out, trying to focus, but she didn't answer. Instead, she moaned my name.

My neck arched back and I growled, gripping her tighter as she ran her fingernails through the hair below my belly button and then played over the edge of the towel. I pulled her into me, unashamedly letting her feel exactly how glad I was that she was home.

She gasped sofly and sighed. My head dropped forward again, resting against hers as I rubbed my hands over her back now.

"Edward?"

My breath coming harsh and fast, now. "Yes?"

She gave a tug at my hip and the towel came undone, dropping into a puddle at my feet. Her fingers ran over the skin of my bare backside, coming around to the front to stroke me softly. I shuddered and groaned as she whispered in my ear.

"I need a shower, too." And she sank her teeth into my shoulder.

I snarled, my head falling back and my body igniting at the sensation of her teeth and hands on me. I wanted her. She wanted me. The bathroom was upstairs and I wondered if we'd make it that far.

I moved quickly then, bending to grab her around the legs and throwing her over my shoulder. I turned and took the stairs two at a time.

"Mm, Edward," she gave a soft giggle as she raked her nails down my back and I could hear the tease in her voice. "What are you going to do with me?"

I turned my head to her hip on my shoulder and ripped through the denim of her jeans with my teeth, exposing her skin.

"What am I going to do?"

I bit lightly and she gasped. When I answered the question it was with a growl, low and deep.

"Guess."

Our hair was still damp from the shower as we lay on the bed. Bella was curled into me. My body was curved around her, my arms encased her. Our legs were twined, her head was tucked under my chin. I didn't think it would be possible for us to be any closer. I was smiling, eyes closed, and I flexed my arms gently, giving her a squeeze, letting her know I was thinking of her. Her hands, resting between us, moved slightly and her fingertips stroked my chest, answering me, her head nuzzling deeper against me.

I uncurled one arm for a moment, reached to the bedside table and picked up her rings. I took her hand and she looked up at me, smiling, as I slipped them back on her finger, where they belonged. I kissed her hand, put it back against my chest and settled back against the pillows, hugging her to me again.

"You never finished telling me about your hunt," I whispered.

"Mm, because you distracted me," she said and managed to sound almost sleepy.

"I distracted you? I think it might have been the other way around, love."

She chuckled softly, her breath caressing my skin.

"It was okay, a bit lonely, though." I squeezed my arms around her again and bent my head to kiss the top of hers.

"Did you find deer?"

She nodded. "White Tails, but I had to drive out pretty far. If I'd been human I think I would have been lost."

"If you were human you wouldn't be out in the forest hunting animals in the dark."

"True."

Then she lifted her head, a frown creasing her features as she looked at me.

"They tasted different."

Ah, of course. I hadn't thought to explain that. It was mainly Black Tails that inhabited the woods around Forks.

"Each species has its own flavour, so the White Tails will taste a little different. And they'd be feeding off different vegetation here, and that can effect the flavour, too. Was it just a subtle difference?"

She nodded. "Just enough to notice."

"Did it taste alright?"

"Yeah, just different. Edward, have you ever tasted reindeer?"

Reindeer. Her question surprised me and I wasn't sure what she'd make of my answer, given the time of year.

"Um, yes?"

She blinked, but didn't seem disturbed. "What was that like?"

My lips twisted as I considered. "It's just another subtle variation really. Why do you ask?"

She shrugged. "It's just ... as I drove out of the city, there was this really cute billboard advertising the Christmas concert in the plaza ... ,"

I nodded. "Go on."

"Well, there was Santa and some elves and a sleigh with the reindeer ... ,."

Understanding began to dawn.

"And you wondered what Rudolph would taste like?"

She gave an awkward laugh and grimaced. "Um, yeah. I just ... is that wrong? I was only curious, but I felt like I shouldn't be thinking that way, I mean, it was a _Christmas billboard _and there I am wondering about .... ,"she shrugged as she left her sentence unfinished.

I smiled at her and lifted my hand to push the hair back from her face as she stared up at me.

"No, it's not wrong. It was just the mind set you were in tonight, love. You knew you were going out to hunt, you knew it would probably be deer, so it was on your mind. That's all."

She nodded and smiled and I kissed the tip of her nose and pulled us back down onto the bed. "In a way it's actually a good thing," I said.

She cocked her head, watching me closely. "What do you mean?"

"You said there was a picture of Santa, elves and reindeer and you were wondering about the animals."

"Yeees?" she was waiting for more.

"Well, at least you weren't wondering what Santa would taste like." I winked and she gasped, pulling away suddenly, her face shocked.

"Edward!"

She was quite sensitive about humans and blood lust, and she was still getting used to _vampire humour_ and I wondered for a moment if I'd gone too far, too soon.

But I started to laugh as she pulled the pillow from under my head and swatted me with it. She was laughing, too so I kept talking.

"Can you imagine the horror? Sorry kids, no presents this year, my wife ate Santa."

"Edward!" she laughed again, but this time when she brought the pillow down over me it burst, sending feathers flying through the air, covering everything as Abbey stirred in the next room.

"Ssh," I put my finger to my lips as I tried to stay quiet, my shoulders shaking with suppressed laughter. Bella hugged the remains of the pillow, her face buried in it trying to stifle her laughs, her eyes shining at me over the top.

We were completely still for a moment, staring at each other. Then Abbey quietened and I pulled Bella down to me.

"See, it's alright to laugh about it," I grinned, ruffling the feathers from her hair. "It's not just humans who enjoy jokes in bad taste, you know."

She snorted.

"What?" I asked.

"You said _bad taste._"

Her joke surprised me, and I snorted as well, and then we burst out laughing again, burying our faces in the remaining pillows, trying not to make too much noise. Finally, once the feathers had settled and our laughter quietened, I got around to asking her about her hunt.

"So how many White Tails did you have?"

"Four."

"And you brought them down without too much trouble?"

"No trouble, I'm getting better at the whole _holding-the-back-legs-still_ thing."

I nodded. The back legs were always the hardest part.

"How big were they? Were they males or females?"

"Oh, well, a couple were pretty big, adult males. There was a smaller one, a female and ... " Suddenly she sat up, smirking at me. "Edward, next time why don't I just take a movie camera and film the whole thing for you?"

I laughed. "I don't want there to be a next time," and I pulled her down to me again and she snuggled deeper into me.

"You were worried, weren't you?" She spoke into my chest and I hesitated, not wanting her to think I doubted her ability to fend for herself, because I didn't.

"No, not really."

She lifted her face, quirking an eyebrow and I rolled my eyes.

"Oh, alright ... yes," I whispered, unsure how she'd react. But she wasn't upset or indignant. She smiled and stroked her hand over my forehead and down my cheek.

"What were you worried about? I'm indestructible now, remember?"

I sighed and looked at the ceiling, chuckling to myself.

"What was I worried about? Um, random humans, rogue vampires, exploding cars."

She sat up and stared at me as if I'd said the strangest thing. "Explo .... ?" Then she shook her head as I shrugged a shoulder. "Oh, Edward."

She started laughing then and I was distracted by the fact that she was gloriously naked and draped in a sheet of ivory satin.

"What am I going to do with you?"

I shrugged again but reached out a hand and traced a single finger along her arm, from shoulder to wrist.

"I could make some suggestions." And I wriggled my eyebrows, Emmett-style and she laughed again.

"So what did you do tonight?" she asked, dropping back down beside me, propping herself up on one hand. I turned on my side to face her.

"I listened to some music, I read ... ,"

"You worried."

"I worried," I smiled again.

"And I told Abbey about the night she was born."

"Really? Why, was she restless?"

"Just a little. She resettled quickly."

She nodded. "And what did you tell her?"

"Just the highlights, really. And of course in my version I was very calm and didn't freak out at all."

Bella gave a snort as I stroked my fingers along her arm.

"She's changing every day," I said softly, almost to myself and I could feel my mood shifting slightly. Bella turned her head and kissed my fingers which had reached her shoulder, massaging there.

"I know, but that's good, Edward, that's what she's meant to do."

I sighed. "It is, yes."

Bella gave me a soft smile, her eyes were gentle. "I know we'd both like to keep our baby as long as possible, but ultimately it's what we want for her ... to grow up and have a normal life. Well, as normal as possible."

She kissed my forehead and I tipped my face up to catch her lips with mine.

"Do you think there are many others like her?" she asked as we pulled away and she gently nudged my nose with hers.

"It's hard to know, it's certainly possible. She's one of three human-vampires we know about, there's no reason there couldn't be more."

We knew that at least one of the others was living entirely, and successfully, in the human world, but even so, sometimes I wondered, and worried, what the future might hold for Abbey.

Bella could clearly see where my thoughts were going and reached up to stroke my cheek. My eyes moved to hers and my worries faded away.

"Just enjoy each day, Edward," Her smile warmed me as I smiled back, leaning over to kiss her.

"I am."

I picked up the remote control from the bedside table and pointed it at the small sound system on the dresser.

"Music?" I asked and Bella nodded. I hit the button and a soft instrumental piece flowed around the room.

Bella chuckled. "The radio?"

"I like the radio sometimes, but we can put something else on if you'd prefer." I lifted the remote control but she stopped me.

"No, this is good. It's that station for old people's music, isn't it?"

She was trying to tease me but I rose above her comment.

"It's a _classics_ station, yes. But don't forget, Bella, I am very old."

"You're seventeen," she mumbled against me and ran some kisses over my chest and yes, according to my body and its reactions I was, indeed, seventeen.

The she sat up, suddenly, her eyes bright.

"I really like this one," she said as the next song was announced. I smiled because it was one of my favourites, too and I wondered if it was for the same reason.

I got up from the bed and held out my hand to her.

"Dance with me?"

She smiled and moved off the bed, smoothly, gracefully, obviously pleased with herself that she didn't get caught in the sheets and stumble as she once might have. Her new grace was still a novelty for her.

She took my hand and I pulled her into me.

"I wish it had been like this at prom," she said wistfully and my eyes widened as I laughed.

"What, dancing naked with me?"

"No!" she laughed. "Dancing gracefully."

"You were beautiful at prom," I said and we began to move around the room. I kept my eyes on hers as I sang with the music.

"Unforgettable, that's what you are, Unforgettable, though near or far, Like a song of love that clings to me, How the thought of you does things to me, Never before has someone been more, Unforgettable in every way, And forevermore that's how you'll stay, That's why darling it's incredible, That someone so unforgettable, Thinks that I am unforgettable too."

The song finished and Bella's eyes were shining.

"That was beautiful, thank you," she whispered as I brought my lips down to hers. I kissed her softly, letting my lips linger over hers before I pulled back and tucked her under my chin, winding my arms around her.

"You don't usually like _old people _music," I said with a laugh and she just shrugged, seeming almost shy.

I lifted her into my arms and carried her back to the bed, laying her down softly before climbing on beside her. We faced each other on our sides and I rested my hand on her hip, drawing spirals over her skin. My other hand played over the crown of her head, my fingers weaving in and out of her hair. She ran her hands over my chest, then leaned in to kiss my shoulder gently, over the place where she'd bitten before.

"I wonder if we like that song for the same reason," I said softly, bringing her hand up to kiss.

Her voice was shy as she spoke.

"I know there are poems and sonnets that could describe how I feel about you, but for me ... that song says it all. The words are simple, but they really just ... say it." She shrugged and seemed almost apologetic. And a surge of feeling rushed through me as I realised it was the same reason.

"Me too," I said.

I bent to kiss her. Her lips were soft and sweet beneath mine as I trailed my fingers over her breasts, her belly, her thighs. Her hands were in my hair, caressing the back of my neck, my chest. She sighed and murmured a soft laugh.

"Mm, what are you thinking?" I asked, my mouth moving over her shoulder.

"I was thinking ... this would have been nice at prom, too."

* * *

We moved carefully through the crowd. My gloved hand held Bella's firmly as I cut a path through the human throng. Abbey was in her baby carrier on my back. I didn't like the barrier of leather between my skin and Bella's, but part of our lives was dressing appropriately for the weather when we were in public. Bella was still getting used to that. I'd had to remind her to grab her scarf and beanie as we left the house.

"How are you doing?" I asked her over my shoulder.

"Okay. Good, really. The night air helps, it seems to dilute the scents."

I nodded, giving her hand a squeeze. "What do you think? Is here alright?" I'd stopped at a place towards the back of the plaza, near the side, where the crowd was a little thinner. Our vampire vision meant we could see the stage as clearly as if we'd been up close, and we knew Abbey's vision was almost as sharp - she wouldn't miss out, although I wondered if she'd find the performances as exciting as she seemed to find my hair, which she kept tugging while giggling and saying _Dad_.

"Here's good," Bella nodded. "Not quite so many people."

I looked down as she snuggled into my side and I wound my arm around her. She was smiling brilliantly and I wondered what she was thinking. She sensed my question before I asked it because she raised her eyes to mine, the smile still on her lips.

"I was just thinking how beautiful it all is. The lights and everything."

I smiled back and then looked around us. It was beautiful. I hadn't been to anything like this since I'd been changed and though I wasn't usually fond of crowds I was enjoying the spectacle and the atmosphere.

A huge Christmas tree stood to the side of the stage at the front of the plaza, its branches a blaze of Christmas lights. Overhead rows of fairy lights crisscrossed the open space and over the fronts of surrounding buildings.

"Is this what you mean about Paris, and the lights?" Bella asked suddenly. "I don't mean does it look like this, I mean ... you know, _the feel_ of it, how pretty it is?"

Paris.

Her question threw me a little, but it pleased me very much.

Paris.

"I suppose it's a similar idea, but imagine the effect, _the feel of it, _as you say,on a much, much larger scale."

Bella nodded. "We'll go one day." She was grinning up at me, and I squeezed her closer.

"We will. I promise."

I'd told her a bit about my time in Paris, and climbing the Eiffel Tower. It was the day I told her about all the souvenirs in my room, and I'd been excited, thrilled, that she'd wanted to know more about me, especially in light of the hurt I'd so recently put her through. And as I'd spoken about Paris I'd decided I wanted to take her there, share the city and its lights with her. "I'll take you there one day, if you like," I said, hesitantly, not sure of her reaction. I'd half expected her to say no, refuse that offer as she did most others, but she didn't, and that had surprised me. She had smiled, the most beautiful smile, and at her quiet acceptance I'd made a silent promise to her right then, that it was something we would share. That promise had never left my mind, I'd thought of it often, wondered and planned, but there had always been something more pressing happening in our lives. But not any more. We could do it now.

"Dad!" Abbey pulled my hair and I reached up to gently loosen her tiny fingers. She hadn't hurt me, in truth it felt like little more than the breeze ruffling my hair, but we didn't want her to think it was alright to do. If she did the same thing to a human it would hurt.

"Do you want your juice?" I asked, turning my head as far as I could to see her. Distraction was usually the key.

"Joos!"

Bella rummaged in the bag and handed her the sippy cup. She began to suck greedily, just as the music started and Santa took the stage. I heard a tiny gasp and the sippy cup dropped, Bella snaring it swiftly in mid fall. Suddenly the baby carrier didn't seem like such a good idea - I couldn't see Abbey's face. My hands went to the buckle at my waist and Bella steadied the carrier as I unfastened it. She pulled Abbey out and we rested the carrier on the ground at our feet.

"You're taller, she'll have a better view with you," I took her from Bella and held her with one arm while I pulled Bella to me with the other - and then I just let myself absorb the moment.

Abbey was transfixed, her eyes huge, staring at the stage where Santa and a group of elves danced around a giant sleigh and sang _Santa Claus is Coming to Town_. Bella's lips were moving in time with the song, her eyes smiling as she would look from Abbey to the stage and back again.

Santa and his crew performed a couple more Christmas songs before they left the stage and then members of Ballet Chicago began to perform a piece from _The Nutcracker_. I realised after a moment that Bella was staring towards the side of the plaza with a huge grin on her face. I followed the direction of her gaze but couldn't see anything of importance. There were people, of course, a stall selling felt reindeer antlers and santa hats, and a line of portable toilets.

"What are you smiling at?" I asked, turning back to her but she just nodded towards the stall and the toilets. I shook my head. "I don't get it."

She shifted her eyes to me, then.

"I was just thinking, I won't have to queue for the porta-potty." She was speaking softly, only I could hear her, but I still didn't understand what she meant. My lips curved into a smile as my forehead creased in a frown.

"What?"

She laughed. "Porta-potties. They're awful. First you have to queue for ages and then when you finally get inside ... ugh," she shuddered. "You've never used one, you have no idea."

"I've not used them, but the smell tells me enough."

She nodded vehemently. "Anyway, I'll never have to do it again!" She laughed again.

I stared at her, grinning.

"So, of all the things you could like best about your new lifestyle, it's not the speed, or the strength, or the heightened senses, or even spending forever with me, it's the fact that you don't need to use portable public toilets anymore?"

She cocked her head to the side, her brown hair spilling over her shoulders, and pretended to consider. "Mm, yes, I think so."

We were both laughing now and I squeezed my arm tighter around her.

"I think your change has rendered you insane," I said, brushing my lips over her temple. "But I love you anyway."

The Nutcracker finished and the Chicago South Side Music School was announced.

Bella clutched my hand tightly, looking up at me grinning as the fifty three students took the stage. Tonight they would been playing while a soloist sang.

"That's Keisha at the piano," I said to Bella and she nodded.

They were all clearly excited, and nervous. I listened carefully as they played _Silent Night_. I could pick out each individual instrument. The overall effect was excellent though there was a wide range of abilities and skills. But it didn't matter that some were better than others, because their joy at playing, at giving something to an audience and getting something back, was so obvious in their faces. And again I felt that same vicarious pride that I had the night I'd seen _The Unsound_ play at the nightclub.

They followed _Silent Night_ with _White Christmas _and finished with _Joy to the World_ and the crowd applauded loudly when they took their bow.

Bella looked up at me as we clapped. Her face was stretched into a grin. She didn't say a word, she didn't need to. I grinned back.

"I know," I said. "I know."

She hugged me hard, just as Abbey decided she wanted to get back in the baby carrier. Once she was all strapped in I pulled Bella in front of me, her back snug against my chest and I wrapped my arms around her, swaying, singing along softly with the choir that now held the stage She hummed happily, rubbing her hands over mine while Abbey tugged on my hair.

"Dad!"

A few more performances came and went and Abbey was starting to yawn.

"I think it might be time," Bella said. "Are you ready to go?"

I nodded and I took Bella's hand as we started to move through the crowd as a children's theatre group began acting out _Twas the Night Before Christmas_ on stage. I was oblivious to the thoughts around me, they were just a background hum, until I heard my name.

Rebecca.

_Where are you, Edward? He said towards the back ... if I don't find him in a minute I'll give up and send him an email instead._

I stiffened immediately and Bella did too, not understanding but picking up on my tension.

"Rebecca," I whispered and her eyes widened in panic. There were too many people around for us to get away as quickly as we could, so Bella dropped my hand and moved a few steps forward into the crowd just as Rebecca saw me.

"Edward! I can't believe I actually found you amongst all this!" she laughed.

I smiled. "I'm surprised you found me, too."

"Did you see them? Weren't they fantastic?" Her face was lit with excitement and pride and I answered her sincerely.

"Yes, they were, they were fantastic," I grinned. "You should feel very proud of them." I knew I did.

"I am, very proud. Oh! Is this Abbey?" She looked past me into the carrier. "Hello, sweetheart, are you having fun? Oh, Edward, she's gorgeous!" Rebecca reached out and gently touched Abbey's hand. Through her thoughts I could see Abbey's curious expression behind me. "But she's obviously wondering who this strange lady is," Rebecca laughed, patting Abbey's hand again and turning back to me.

"Where's Bella?" she asked looking around.

"She's queuing for the rest room," I said quickly.

From the periphery of my vision I could see Bella, just a little way in front, her shoulders shaking with laughs.

"Oh, she could be ages, I hope I don't miss out on saying hello." Rebecca sounded disappointed and glanced in the direction of the porta-potties. Then her thoughts shifted from her delight at actually finding me and meeting Abbey, to something new, something I couldn't get a hold on. Suddenly she seemed nervous, and that made me nervous. I swallowed and shoved my hands deep in my pockets, trying to sift through her thoughts for a clue.

"I'm so glad I've found you, Edward. I, well, there's something I wanted to speak to you about, and I wanted to do it face to face, not over email."

I nodded, no more the wiser, her thoughts were still scattered. When they cleared a second later, as a look of resolve crossed her face, I could hear that she wondered what my reaction to her question would be, but she wasn't thinking about the actual question itself. I was still completely in the dark as she took a deep breath and I bunched my hands into fists in my pockets.

"Do you remember we talked about some of the kids wanting to go for scholarships, and all the problems associated with that?"

"Er, yes."

She nodded. "Well, I've been trying to sort out a separate stream, like we discussed, but it's turning out to be a lot more involved than I thought, because if I adjust things for those students, then I have to re-adjust things for everyone else, so it all fits in."

She paused and studied me for a moment, gauging my reaction so far, though really there was nothing to react to, yet. I kept my expression neutral, still wondering where this was going. In front of us the crowd had shifted a little and now all I could see of Bella was the top of her beanie. Her head was turned towards us slightly - I knew she would be hearing every word.

Rebecca outlined the difficulties she was experiencing in sorting out a scholarship stream. The restrictions of limited time and resources, her mind was jumping from one problem to the next as she spoke.

I listened and nodded, still wondering where she was going.

"So I started thinking maybe I should find a Curriculum Co-ordinator. Someone I could hire to set up the scholarship program and re-organise the rest of the students and the teachers so everything fits into the limited time we have each week. But it would have to be someone who has the right musical background and skills and the time to devote to it. What do you think?"

It all fell into place, then. Though her thoughts still weren't clear, I could see now it was my opinion she wanted. My fists relaxed in my pockets and I smiled, pleased that she valued my opinion enough to ask, though surprised at how nervous she was to ask for it.

"I think it sounds like a great idea, Rebecca. It would definitely be the solution. Is money going to be an issue, though?" When we got back to the house I'd transfer a lump sum to the school as an anonymous donation.

"I've worked it out and we can do it, as long as we're careful. We might have to forgo the santa hats next year," she laughed.

"So will you advertise for the position?"

"I thought of that, but then I had another, better idea. Well, at least, I _hope_ it's a better idea."

Her mind was blank now. She was focused on me entirely and I shifted where I stood, adjusting my weight from one leg to the other to make me look more human, and to cover my nervousness. My eyes flickered to the beanie that was still turned slightly in our direction.

"I thought ... of you."

My eyes snapped back to Rebecca and it took a second for her words to register, then I realised I wasn't looking ... I was staring at her.

"Me?"

She nodded and started speaking quickly.

"I know you're going back to Washington after Christmas, and that's okay, you wouldn't have to stay in Chicago. It's something you could do remotely. But it would have to involve a couple of visits to the school first, before you leave, to listen to the students and meet with the teachers. And you'd need to look into the various colleges and institutions and see what they require, but that could be done over the internet and the phone."

My eyes flickered quickly back Bella, who had turned her head now, standing on her toes and chancing a glance at me ... and she was beaming. I wouldn't have to ask her what she thought of the idea. I quirked just the corner of my mouth up into a smile, acknowledging her. I thought I'd been subtle but Rebecca noticed my shift in attention and turned to see what I was looking at. Bella turned around quickly and I coughed loudly, bringing Rebecca's attention back to me. She continued talking while my mind raced with the logistics of her offer, weighing up any risks of suspicion or exposure.

"It wouldn't be a long term thing, I know you have college to consider, but you said you didn't have any immediate plans, and I thought, if you could just help me set it up, get it in place and working, then I could probably take it from there. And I'd pay you, of course."

Payment? No, if I did this it would be _gratis_. I opened my mouth to say so, trying to get my words out before she spoke again.

"Rebecca, I couldn't accept ... ,"

She waved a dismissive hand. "Don't tell me that, because if you do then I'll withdraw my offer and find someone else."

Her thoughts were determined - she _would_ find someone else and pay them. Payment was not negotiable. I supposed I could just funnel the money back into the school ... if I accepted. And I'd make sure the anonymous donation was enough to cover the cost, anyway.

"I understand, Edward, if you want some time to think about it, but do you think it's something you might be interested in doing?"

In front the beanie was nodding vehemently.

"I, yes I do, but ... can I let you know?"

"Yes, of course," she smiled but her thoughts registered her disappointment. A little way in front of me Bella's slumped shoulders indicated hers.

I didn't want to disappoint anyone, but I felt so unsure at that moment, because for me this was much more than helping Rebecca and the school.

I'd acknowledged what I'd done in the past, I'd accepted it, Bella had forgiven me and I'd forgiven myself, eventually, but was I ready to be reminded of it on a regular basis? Because that's what this would mean.

Those dark memories effected me less and less nowadays, their pull on me was weak now but would that change if I agreed to this?

I swallowed and raked my hand through my hair as Rebecca bundled her jacket closer around herself. I could see Bella's face in profile, her eyebrow raised in question. She wanted me to do it, I knew. And I realised, if I was honest with myself, that _I_ wanted me to do it, too, but ...

Abbey yawned and leant forward, resting her head against my neck. Her heart beat and breathing told me she was about to fall asleep. I reached behind me and stroked her head gently as she yawned again ... and I knew then, at that moment as I felt my daughter nestled against me, that I was stronger than the memories. If I gave in to them I would be denying how far I'd come.

I'd said once that George's life was to be celebrated. I'd wished I could do more for the school than throw money at them ... and here was an opportunity to do that. And the risks to my family weren't really any greater than anything else we ventured into.

I would never be proud of my actions that night in 1918, but I was proud of George. And I was proud of Rebecca, and their lives, and what they'd achieved and _that_ was the focus here. Not me.

"Big picture, Cullen," I murmured to myself. "It's not always about you, you know."

My voice was too low for Rebecca to hear, but not Bella. Her soft laugh warmed me.

"Well, I'd better get going." Rebecca smiled again as she started to move away. "Just let me know, Edward. I wasn't planning on advertising for the position until after New Year, so if you can get back to me by then ...."

"Wait!" I put my hand on her arm and she stopped. "Actually, I don't need time ... ." My eyes slid quickly to Bella, her face turned slightly, listening closely. "I'd be happy to accept your offer, Rebecca. Thank you."

Once I'd said it I felt different, more sure of myself. I realised I was smiling and my shoulders had relaxed.

Rebecca eyes brightened and she grinned at me. "And you'll let me pay you?"

"I'll insist on it."

We laughed and Bella took the chance to turn around and flash me another beaming smile.

"Oh, Edward thank you so much!" Rebecca was hugging herself as she smiled.

"Well, thank you for thinking of me,"

She shook her head. "You were the obvious choice, once I thought about it. You know, I think this will work out really well, you and I are on the same wavelength, I feel, Edward."

She stuck out her hand then and I shook it. "Would you like to come in tomorrow and we can start talking?"

The people in front had moved slightly so once again I could only see the beanie. It was nodding.

"Or maybe you should check with Bella first, in case you're busy." The beanie was shaking from side to side.

"Er, no, I don't think we're busy. Tomorrow should be fine."

The beanie was nodding again.

"Excellent! I'm so excited." She was, but she started rubbing her hands over her arms, trying to keep warm. Her thoughts were mainly focussed on the school and me, she couldn't wait to get started on things, but images of a fireplace and a tartan blanket were starting to creep in. She looked towards the porta-potty queue.

"Do you think Bella will be back soon?"

"It's hard to tell," I said. "You know what those queues are like."

I heard Bella snort as Rebecca rolled her eyes. "Only too well," she said. I could see in her thoughts that her distaste equalled Bella's. "Well, I should be going. So I'll see you tomorrow? Is eleven o'clock alright?"

"Eleven is good."

"Wonderful. Oh, will you please tell Bella I said hello?"

"I will. She'll be sorry she missed you."

"Maybe she can come with you tomorrow?"

I smiled but didn't say anything.

"Well, I'll see you in the morning." She gave a parting nod and pushed her way through the crowd. As soon as she'd disappeared I took a step forward and reached out my hand, grabbing Bella and pulling her to me, wrapping my arms around her. I needed to feel her close to me.

"Wow," she said, throwing her arms around me as best she could, considering I had a baby carrier on my back. "Edward, that's fantastic! How do you feel?"

How did I feel?

"Um, a little stunned, actually. I really didn't see that coming. But I'm also ... happy."

She laughed. "I'm so glad you said yes. I thought you mightn't." She reached up and touched my cheek and I brought my own hand up to hold it there.

"Bella ... ," I said as a realisation hit me suddenly and I laughed. "I've never had a job before."

* * *

Empty ornament boxes were littered over the living room floor and Abbey was happily pulling them apart.

"Now we won't have anything to pack the decorations in when the tree comes down," Bella was looking at our daughter's grin, and the destruction of paper and cardboard that surrounded her.

I chuckled and picked Abbey up. "I think of all life's problems, that's probably one of the better ones to have, love."

"Very true," she laughed. "Are we ready for Abbey's star now?"

We stepped back and surveyed the tree. Delicate baubles of spun glass from Italy adorned the top half of the tree, out of reach of little fingers. Plastic snowmen and Santas filled the bottom branches, just waiting to be pulled off and mauled. A fine trail of tinsel, silver and gold, wound its way between the decorations. It was an impressive tree.

It had been a busy couple of days. I'd spent time at the music school with Rebecca, the teachers and students. I'd called Carlisle to let him know about my involvement and he'd agreed it didn't pose a risk to the family and was proud and excited for me. He would tell Esme, but not the others, he said. He thought I should be the one to share my news, though we agreed that Alice probably knew already.

We'd also been Christmas shopping and showed Abbey all the window displays in the stores. She'd stared at Santas on street corners and bounced in her pram to the Christmas music that was everywhere we went.

Now, the shopping was done, our family was still a day away, and I was ready to revel in the peace and happiness of dressing the tree with Bella and Abbey for Abbey's first Christmas.

I reached into my pocket. "Before we put the star on ... ," I left my sentence unfinished and handed Bella the black velvet bag with _Crystallier_ printed on it in silver.

"Oh," she looked at it in surprise and I wondered, a little sadly, if perhaps this memory hadn't made the change with her. I reached over and touched my fingers to hers as they stroked the velvet.

"Do you remember last Christmas? When I bought Abbey's star, we said we'd buy a new crystal every year?"

She looked up at me and smiled. She remembered. "And I said we'd need a big tree if it was going to hold more than a thousand of them."

"And I said we'd just get two trees," I grinned.

"Yes." She was smiling, catching just the corner of her bottom lip with her teeth. It always stirred a reaction in me, had done since the first time I'd ever seen her do it, in the car park at Forks High. I took a quick breath and nodded to the bag in her hand as I pulled my fingers away.

"Well, this is number two."

She tipped the bag up into her hand then and gasped as the crystal swan slid into her palm.

"Oh ... oh." She touched the tip of his golden beak gently, chewing her lip harder now, and looked underneath where _Bella 2007 _was engraved.

"Edward ... ,." she whispered and looked up at me. "Thank you."

Then she stepped forward and looped the gold thread over a branch towards the top of the tree. The light bounced off the crystal facets and sent little patterns of colour everywhere, like a rainbow had shattered and showered its pieces all over our living room.

"Ah!" Abbey gasped and reached out towards the little patterns of light as they danced on the walls, ceiling and furniture. I lifted her up into my arms.

"Wait, there's more," I said and pulled her star out of my other pocket. I held it up so she could see and she touched it, feeling its smooth surface. "Shall we put it on the tree?" She watched closely as I reached up and hung it on the topmost branch of the tree.

The light hit it, too, and the number of rainbows doubled.

"Look at her little face," Bella said softly.

I did.

Abbey's eyes were wide, trying to look everywhere at once, her head twisting and turning to see them all.

"Lets touch the pretty lights," I said and kissed her cheek as we walked slowly around the room while Bella watched us, smiling.

I took her to the wall so she could touch, and her little fingers curled as she tried to grasp hold of the dancing lights. After several tries she realised it wasn't going to happen and she was content to just look and touch, watching the colours move over her fingers as she patted the rainbows.

We spent some time like that, just standing, while she watched the rainbows dance on the wall and over her fingers. Once she lifted my hand and moved it to the wall, wanting to see if I had better luck. I curled my fingers as she had, but she pouted when I showed her my empty palm. I pouted too and she started to giggle. I kissed the top of her head softly.

Shortly after she started wriggling, wanting to be let down. It seemed she'd had enough of intangibles because as soon as her feet touched the floor she made straight for the tree where she pulled roughly on the first ornament she could reach. Frosty the Snowman snapped off his string and Abbey shoved him straight in her mouth. She chewed for a moment then discarded him in favour of a plastic reindeer who suffered the same slobbery fate.

"Should we stop her?" Bella asked. "The bottom branches will be bare soon if she keeps this up."

"Well, they're all child-safe, and we kind of expected this." I took Bella's hand and led her over to the sofa. "Although, maybe we should have just given them to her without hanging them on the tree first."

Bella laughed and tucked her feet underneath her, resting her head on my shoulder.

"Mm, no, I think pulling them off is the fun part by the looks of it," she said.

Abbey worked systematically and thoroughly, pulling off all the ornaments within her reach, chewing on some, playing with others while we sat on the sofa and watched. It didn't take long and the bottom branches were almost bare, as Bella predicted. So, we'd be having a half dressed tree for Christmas.

"I guess she'll have to stop now, everything else is out of reach."

Bella's hand squeezed mine and I turned to kiss her. Just as my eyes closed and our lips touched I heard Abbey change position and caught a flash of her thoughts. She had her sights set on something new now. I opened my eyes and saw her stretching up as she pulled on a branch, trying to grab at a glass bauble way out of her reach . And suddenly the branch was bending and Abbey was falling and I was across the room, scooping her into one arm as I grabbed the tree and held it steady.

"Abbey!" Bella was beside me, lifting a very startled Abbey out of my arms.

"She's alright. Probably more frightened than anything," I realised my voice wasn't completely steady as Abbey buried herself against Bella and started to cry.

A stab of fear had gone through me when I'd realised what was happening, but I took a breath now, determined not to overreact. Abbey wasn't hurt, children did these things, it was part of having kids, we'd learn from it.

Abbey's cries quietened and she lifted her head from Bella's shoulder. She sniffed and looked at me and I held out my arms.

"Dad."

"It's alright, little one, you're okay," I murmured as I took her from Bella. She sniffed some more and I patted her back. After a moment I put my fingers on her tummy and tickled gently. She giggled and grabbed at my hand.

"She's fine," I said, starting to relax again now.

"She is," I could hear the relief in Bella's voice. I think we'd all had a fright. "Well, she probably won't try that again, anyway. This will have frightened her off."

I began to nod my agreement, but another look at Abbey's thoughts changed my mind. She was thinking about the other baubles on the tree, her mind clearly focussed on the orb of red glass with gold snowflakes engraved on it - the one that was near the top of the tree. She leaned out of my arms and reached towards it. I gently held her hands in one of mine and backed away.

"Actually, love, I don't think it has frightened her off at all."

Half an hour later Abbey was asleep in bed and the Christmas tree was just a single branch in a pot in the corner, with a cardboard star at the top and a token piece of tinsel. I hauled the rest of the tree outside into the yard, just as it began to snow.

The moonlight was casting silver light, catching the flakes as they floated through the air, making them sparkle and look like diamonds.

I heard Bella moving through the house, coming to find me. I turned and watched her as she moved through the doorway into the yard, her bare feet gliding over the ground as she came towards me.

"I'm sorry it didn't turn out quite like we planned." She wrapped her arms around me from behind and rested her cheek against my back. "I guess family life isn't always perfect."

"Mine is," I smiled and turned so I could kiss her. "And as long as Abbey's safe I don't care if the Christmas tree is a stick in a bucket."

Bella snorted. "It practically is, Edward."

"You're right," I laughed. "So is this one of those embarrassing growing up stories that parents tell for years and years?"

"Yep. And in poor Abbey's case it'll get told for a loooong time."

We looked at the tree lying across the ground, gradually being dusted with snow.

"So, what do we do with this, now?" I was thinking out loud but it was clear Bella had an idea when her hands tightened around me.

"Tell me?" I smiled down at her, brushing some hair back from her face.

"Well, it's just a thought, and the neighbours might think we're crazy, but why don't we have a Christmas tree outside? We can redecorate it and it'll be out of temptations way for Abbey. What do you think?"

I considered for a moment. Abbey couldn't open doors, she couldn't get outside without one of us with her. Our family would be arriving tomorrow and she'd be completely distracted anyway.

"I like it," I said smiling.

So I secured the tree in the ground. Bella brought out the decorations again, and we dressed the tree in the moonlight while the snow continued to fall softly.

"It's like a Christmas card. Or a holiday TV special," I grinned when we were finished. The ornaments sparkled in the moonlight, the snow was settling softly over the branches.

"I think we should do this every year," Bella whispered as she snuggled against me. "Have an indoor and an outdoor tree." She paused a moment. "Although the indoor tree might still have to be a stick in a bucket next Christmas, too."

"It might," I laughed. "But Abbey will grow out of it. She won't bite the ornaments off the tree forever."

And really, that was the beautiful thing ... Abbey would grow and change and reach adulthood and have a life ... and Christmas trees. I lowered my face to Bella's and kissed her.

We stayed outside for a little while that night.

* * *

My family had arrived.

They'd come crashing through the door with hugs for Bella and I just as Abbey was finishing her breakfast. Emmett scooped her out of her highchair, still with the porridge stuck to her face and fingers, and she was passed around for hugs and kisses, everyone needing their Abbey fix. I doubted Bella or I would hold our daughter again before bedtime.

I stood with Bella and watched as Abbey giggled and stuck her gooey hands all over her family. No-one seemed to mind, even Rosalie.

"Can we see the rest of the house?" Esme asked once the initial excitement had calmed down and I'd been surprised at the surge of feeling I'd experienced as I took them on a tour, showing them to their rooms, playing host. They were enthusiastic and curious and I laughed as their questions poured forth, some spoken, others thought.

"Which was your room, Edward?"

_Who used the rooms on the top floor?_

"Is that stained glass panel original?"

_So you and Bella in your parents old room, huh? Is that, you know, weird?_

"Er, Abbey has my old room. The stained glass is original, yes. The house was designed with staff in mind, so the two bedrooms on the top floor would have been their quarters. And no, Emmett, it isn't _weird_. At least, it wasn't until you said it _like that_."

Once the tour was completed and questions answered we moved back into the living room and everyone took seats, watching Abbey as she removed and replaced the tinsel from the branch over and over again.

"So did you have servants?" Jasper asked and I shook my head.

"We had a cook for a while and she lived upstairs. There was a maid but she didn't live here. I think she came every morning and left after lunch."

Esme was standing by the fireplace, examining the woodwork and the marble, the tiny mosaic tiles that made up the hearth.

"It's a beautiful home, Edward. And you and Bella have renovated it perfectly. I love the colours and the mix of modern and antique."

"It was Edward who did it." Bella was in my lap as we sat together in one of the leather chairs.

"We chose the colours and the furniture_ together_," I corrected, smiling and nuzzling her hair with my nose.

_Edward._

I turned in response to my name in Carlisle's thoughts. He stood across the room, beside Esme at the fireplace. He was smiling and the pride in his eyes was clear.

"You've made a beautiful home for your family, son."

His words carried more meaning than the others would realise and they effected me deeply.

It was Carlisle's arrival I had anticipated most, because he would remember this house, and me, from that other time in 1921 and he alone would appreciate the journey I'd travelled. I wanted to respond and let him know just how much his words meant, but as sometimes happens with me, I found I had no words. Instead I closed my eyes and nodded in acknowledgement and his thoughts told me he understood.

Bella understood, too. Her small hand squeezed mine and she placed a soft kiss against my temple.

"Shall we put our presents under the tree?" Alice asked, clapping her hands and casting a bewildered glance at the branch in the pot.

There was a general murmur of agreement until Bella and I shook our heads.

"I don't think that's a good idea," Bella said. "Abbey would just rip the paper off and pull them apart."

Our daughter looked up and grinned at the sound of her name.

"That's why the tree is what it is." I added, more eloquent now.

"She did that?" Emmett pointed at our token foliage.

"Not exactly," The story of the Christmas tree debacle had its first retelling and the house echoed with laughter.

"I just thought you were being minimalist," Alice grinned. "But I like the idea of the outdoor tree."

"It's very beautiful at night," Bella said softly. I rubbed my thumb over her wrist and felt the soft shiver roll through her as we both remembered what happened under the Christmas tree the night before.

"When will Charlie and Sue arrive?" Carlisle asked Bella.

"Christmas Eve. I'm getting food in and I'm planning to cook Christmas dinner for them, and Abbey, on Christmas day. I hope no-one will mind." She looked at everyone and began biting her lip, knowing first hand now, how the smell of human food can be so unappealing. And cooking a roast with vegetables and gravy was a lot different to the simple dishes we prepared for Abbey.

"Of course we don't mind," Esme sounded surprised. "I thought we'd all sit at the table."

Carlisle looked from Bella to me, smiling. "It's about being together. We don't eat, but lively conversation has never been a problem for this family."

Bella's face softened and she smiled - this was something that had been concerning her. "Thank you everyone."

"Have you finished your Christmas shopping?" Esme asked. "Because we could babysit Abbey if that would make things easier for you."

"We're all done," Bella smiled at me.

"Oh, so what have you got Abbey for Christmas?" Alice was all eagerness and leant closer.

"Don't you know?" Bella asked, surprised.

"No, I don't see _everything_, you know that. So, what did you get her?"

"Well, I might let Edward tell you that," she answered, rolling her eyes.

"You make it sound like a big deal, Bella." I felt just a little indignant at her response.

"Well, you seemed to think it was at the time. You were very excited in the toy shop."

I shrugged. "I was just pleased to find something so suitable, that's all."

"So, tell us!" Alice pesterd. "Ooh, no, don't worry, I can see it now." And then she started laughing.

"We're not all mind readers or fortune tellers," Rosalie snapped at me and I chuckled.

"Sorry, Rose." And though I knew Abbey wouldn't understand, I lowered my voice anyway.

"We bought her some Duplo."

I was met with six blank faces.

"What's that?" Jasper asked.

"It's Lego for toddlers. The blocks are much bigger." I used my fingers to give an estimate of size.

"Cool!" Emmett grinned. "She'll have fun with that, and we'll have fun helping her have fun."

I nodded. We would. "There a huge range of sets available ... a zoo, a farm, the circus train is great, there's a castle and a transport set with cars and buses and trucks."

"Which one did you get her, Edward?" Esme asked and I knew my face was sheepish as I answered.

"_One?_"

There was laughter and then everyone's attention was suddenly drawn to Emmett, who had stood up and was fidgetting like a human with a secret they were busting to tell.

"Um, actually, we have news," he announced, grinning. "And stay out of my head, Edward. Let me surprise you for once!" Immediately his mind focused on the last time we'd played paint ball, just outside Seattle. "It's bad enough Alice probably knows already."

She gave a sheepish smile. "Just a general idea, no details," she said.

The fact that he had news didn't surprise me. He'd been excited and edgy since he'd arrived and his thoughts, usually completely open and unguarded, had been just a little careful. Rosalie was rolling her eyes. _Smooth, Emmett, real subtle way to introduce the subject._

"Are you getting married again?" Jasper drawled.

"No." Rosalie answered. "Although, we haven't done that in a while," she looked at Emmett as visions of designer bridal gowns danced in her head.

"Ooh, Abbey could be a flower girl!" Alice's thoughts filtered through and I spoke up quickly.

"Come on, Emmett, are you going to tell us or make us wait?" Quick, before Abbey is dressed up like a doll and scattering flower petals and releasing doves.

Emmett was perched on the arm of the sofa and smiled down at Rosalie as he took a deep breath and squared his shoulders. He lifted his eyes and looked around at all of us.

"I've bought a business. I'm not going back to highschool."

There was silence and I knew my surprise was clear on my face. Bella's mouth was open, staring.

"Wow," Jasper's eyes were round, while Alice wore a quiet smirk.

"What sort of business?" I asked, his mind was still focused on the paint ball game, giving me no clues at all. Emmett looked at me and grinned.

"Skirmish World, just outside Seattle."

Skirmish World? He'd bought a paint ball business! He'd been blocking me with thoughts of the thing he was hiding. I started laughing as Jasper hissed, "Yes!"

"Gotcha, Edward! You should have seen your face."

"You did get me. But, Skirmish World? That's fantastic!" And Bella was laughing at the excitement she could hear in my voice.

Carlisle was chuckling to himself and Esme was smiling - it was clear from their thoughts that Emmett had already told them.

"So, family play for free, right?" Jasper asked.

"No way! I'm running a business here!" Emmett laughed and looked back at Rosalie. She gave him a quick smile, her expression fairly neutral, but her pride in him was clear in her thoughts.

"So, paint ball, skirmish, that's where you run around with guns loaded with paint trying to mark each other, right?" Bella asked and Rosalie was nodding.

"That's about it," she said.

"No, no, it's more than that," I said, thinking of the possibilities, excited at the thought of playing again.

"Much more, " Jasper added. "It's about strategy, planning ... ,"

"Speed and stealth," I added.

"Cunning," Jasper whispered, staring at Bella, nodding slowly.

And with an almost simultaneous eye roll, Rosalie, Alice and Bella started to laugh.

"Well, congratulations, Emmett," Bella went to hug him. "That's great news. How did it happen?"

Emmett shrugged and then nodded towards Abbey, who had wrapped the tinsel around herself now and was slowly pulling it apart. She was littered with little pieces of gold and silver foil. She was her own Christmas tree.

"I've just been thinking since Abbey came along ... I'm her uncle, you know, I didn't want to be going to school with her somewhere along the line." He shrugged again. "I just thought it was time to grow up."

"And I agreed," Rosalie added, reaching for Emmett's hand and squeezing.

Bella nodded. "I can understand that," she said softly as she came back to sit with me. She nestled into me, resting her head on my shoulder. I bent my head, wanting to see her eyes and she pushed the hair out of mine as she smiled. I knew Emmett's news would help reinforce the decisions she'd already made about college and working and I was excited for her, for all of us. I kissed her quickly as Emmett continued.

"But the decision really came when we were driving into Seattle about a week ago. We went past Skirmish World and it had a big For Sale sign out the front ... I like paintball, so I bought it."

For Emmett it was that simple, but that's the way life usually was for him. He didn't complicate things for himself.

My eyes flickered to Alice and she smiled. _Change is coming, but it's good._

"This is going to be great," Jasper was grinning and I could see him forming various strategies in his mind.

"Yeah, well it won't be all fun and games," Emmett was trying to be serious, but his grin kept slipping through and giving him away. "There's real work to do, but you can help if you like. I could put you on the payroll, you can refill the guns with paint."

Jasper laughed.

"Yeah, I'll think about it. But will it just be you working there? Maybe I could be assistant manager, and Edward could refill the guns."

I chuckled as Emmett explained.

"There's already a full-time manager and two game supervisors, and they'll keep their jobs because they deal mostly with the customers. I'll have some human contact, obviously, but I'll be managing the business side of things, I probably won't even be there every day, a lot of it could be done remotely with a computer and the phone. But I have plans ... right now they don't do night games and I think that would be a good idea, night skirmish with lasers ... laser tag!"

"Lasers!" Jasper and I said it simultaneously and then burst out laughing. Bella rolled her eyes.

"You sound like a couple of teenagers," she said.

"Er, seventeen, love, remember?" I pointed at myself.

"And I'm only just twenty." A corner of Jasper's mouth curved into a satisfied smile.

"Mm, well it shows," Bella muttered, but she was smiling, too.

"I want to hear more," Jasper leaned forward then, elbows on knees, all ears. "You mentioned lasers." Beside him Alice giggled.

"Yeah, lasers. And we could target ourselves towards corporate groups, team building, all that sort of thing. At the moment they just handle kids parties and guys wanting some fun on the weekend, but I think I can grow it into something much more. I'm thinking we could do packages for a whole weekend, putting two teams against each other, designing whole military-style campaigns. That's the way the whole industry's going."

For all his laid-back attitude, Emmett had a sharp brain and it was clear he'd thought all this through.

Jasper was nodding, his mind racing with ideas.

"And there are vacant acres around the place. I'm thinking about looking into purchasing that, expanding the playing field and building some shacks with rooms in them so people can hide ... it'll increase the tension of the game, not knowing if someone's inside, hiding around the next corner. You know, _don't go down the basement_," he said in a spooky voice. "That sort of thing."

"Except they won't have basements," Rosalie drawled and Emmett rolled his eyes.

"You know what I mean. _Don't go in that room ..._ is that better?"

She nodded.

"What about you, Rosalie? Are you going to be involved?" At Bella's question Rosalie turned to her husband and smiled a soft, genuine smile. "He's happy, and if he wants me to help out I will," she said. "The business comes with a couple of all-terrain vehicles for driving around the property and Emmett's thinking about buying some more if he expands, so I'll look after those." Then her expression hardened. "But if I get paint in my hair just once ... ,"

I chuckled as Emmett leant over and kissed her. "I'll help you wash it out, Rosie."

Then I focused my attention back on Abbey and her tinsel as Emmett's mind became a no-go zone.

"Did anyone question how young you looked?" Bella was curious. "I mean, you've signed contracts and things haven't you?"

"He wore his good suit," Rosalie said. "He always looks older in his good suit." _And sexier, _she added mentally and I snorted, trying to disguise it as a cough. She glared at me.

"Vampire's don't cough, Edward. Keep out of my head."

"Er, sorry," I mumbled. "So Carlisle, will you play sometime?" I was keen to change the subject.

"I'm thinking I will," he said with a grin. "I've had to strategise at many points in my life, I don't think it would be too hard to out-play all of you."

There was laughter and Jasper's eyes were bright and his mind was a tumult of plans.

"I'd be interested to see how that plays out," he said.

"Is it all finalised yet?" I asked.

"Yep, it's all mine. Oh, and I've bought it in my human name, McCarty, so it won't be linked back to the family. So, yeah ... that's our news."

There were more congratulations and then there was silence as everyone let the news sink in.

"Edward has some news, too," Alice said suddenly, there'd been no warning in her thoughts and everyone looked at me.

"Thanks for that, Alice. I'm assuming we're talking about the same news?"

She showed me a vision of Rebecca and I at the music school.

"So?" Rosalie was growing impatient, her nails were tapping on the leather of the arm rest.

I took a quick breath as Bella kissed my cheek.

"I, er, have a job."

There was more silence while everyone's thoughts took on different scenarios from concert pianist to doctor to ... librarian?

I looked at Emmett, surprised and he shrugged. "You like books and being quiet," he said simply.

So I told them all about Rebecca's offer and what I was doing with the school.

"Curriculum Co-ordinator? Sounds impressive," Jasper smiled.

"Will it turn into something long term?" Rosalie asked.

I squeezed Bella's hand as I answered.

"I suppose it could. The scholarship situation would change from year to year, depending on how many wanted it, what instruments they're playing. There's scope to take it further, to set programs for the whole school, not just the scholarship students. I've outlined some rough plans to Rebecca and she's interested and I'll talk to the University and the Conservatorium about their pre-requisites after the holidays "

"So will you stay with it after you've set it all up?"

"I don't know yet. It could be me or Rebecca could hire someone else to do it. I'll think about it when the time comes. There are other things I'm interested in pursuing, too."

"You do know you can do other things and still work for the music school, right?" Emmett grinned at me. "I mean, you do know you're capable." It was true. I could still co-ordinate the programs for the school while I worked on other projects. It was definitely something to consider.

"And Bella's planning on going to college," I said proudly, looking at her as she ducked her head. Her blush wasn't there, but it almost could have been as she shyly outlined her ideas for college and work.

Alice clapped her hands. "I saw that coming, I just couldn't see when. Will you try for next year?" she asked.

"Maybe, or the year after. There are still some things to sort out first, but soon, I think."

"I guess that just leaves us, now." Jasper smiled into Alice's eyes and she smiled back. "What do you want to be when you grow up, Alice?" he asked. She laughed lightly.

"Lots of different things," she said.

Everyone was in their rooms, settling in when Carlisle approached Bella and me in the kitchen. Abbey was having a snack and Carlisle rubbed his hand over her hair as he took a thick envelope from his pocket.

"This arrived just before we left," he said. The postmark said _Italy_ and my already cold body became ice.

He handed Bella the envelope.

"So this is the thank you note, I guess." She took it hesitantly, her fingers were shaking, and I put my hand over hers.

"I'm assuming everything is alright," Carlisle said and he rested his hand on my shoulder, realising how tense I'd become. "Alice hasn't seen anything."

"This hasn't been in your thoughts, or Alice's," I said, my eyes on Bella's fingers as she slid them under the flap.

"I asked Alice not to think about it. I was keeping it for the right time, when we were alone. I thought Bella might not want an audience."

I nodded my thanks at his consideration.

On the stool next to me Bella was taking her time opening the envelope and I had to stop myself from taking it from her so she didn't have to deal with it.

We'd never been sure whether the Volturi would respond to the photos we'd sent them. It was possible this was just an acknowledgement and their interest in Bella would be satisfied.

Or it could be a summons. They might want to see her, find out if her immunity to vampire gifts had transferred into her new life. I began formulating plans in case that was what they wanted. We wouldn't go. We'd take Abbey and go into hiding until she was able to live independently. It would put an end to our plans for work and college for the moment, but we could ... .

"Oh." Bella said suddenly, and then she began to read aloud.

"'Dearest Bella, we are indebted for the photos you sent to us. You truly do make an exquisite vampire and we wonder if you are just as intriguing as you were a human. We are delighted you have at last joined us, some of us wondered if it would ever happen. Please know you always have our affection and we hope that you will favour us with a visit some day.' And then it's just signed Aro, Marcus and Caius."

She looked at Carlisle and me. "That's not bad, is it? It doesn't sound bad."

I sighed and held onto her. "They want to see you. They want to know if their powers still effect you. _We wonder if you're still as intriguing ..._ _We hope you will favour us with a visit some day_ ... it's their way of saying your presence is required. "

She frowned and looked back at the paper. "It doesn't say that specifically. But if that is what it means, you said yourself time means something very different to the Volturi, so if we visited them in a hundred years, that would be okay, wouldn't it? Abbey would be grown up and they wouldn't have to know about her."

I shook my head and reached over to clutch her tightly to me. My eyes travelled to Abbey. Carlisle had taken her from the high chair and was holding her. She was pulling on his nose and he was laughing with her but his concerned thoughts were focussed on us.

"Remember Aro's gift, love? He'd want to touch my hand, he'd see everything, he'd see Abbey. Everything that I knew about her, he would know. She'd have to go into hiding, and not tell us where. We'd have to separate ourselves from her to keep her safe. Or at least, _I'd_ have to separate myself from you both." It would kill me, but I'd do it.

Bella sucked in a sharp breath.

"But Alice couldn't see anything bad." Her voice sounded so small, so timid.

"That's because the Volturi don't know about Abbey. They're just expecting that you'll get this letter, know they want to see you and you'll go to them. And you're right about the time thing, they don't have a specific _when_ in mind, so they're probably not even thinking about you _right now_. But you are expected. If it's too long they might get suspicious."

"And until they see me, this will be hanging over us. They could get serious at any time, is that right?"

I nodded and anger started to surge through me. I let Bella go and pushed back the stool, dragging my hands through my hair as I stood up. I gripped the marble counter top and tried to breathe evenly. I wondered if I should ask Carlisle to take Abbey out of the room so she didn't see me like this. But then having her here gave me a semblance of calm and control.

"Would they come looking for us?" Bella's voice was barely a whisper now.

Venom flooded my mouth and I struggled to keep my voice steady as I stared at the toast crumbs and the small, teddy bear spoon on the counter. I touched the spoon with the tip of my finger and my heart felt like it would break.

"It's possible."

From the corner of my eye I saw her nodding.

"Would Alice see them, though?"

"Most likely, and that would give us a head start to find somewhere to hide."

We'd come so far, we'd reached a place I'd never thought possible, and now it was all in doubt. This would be following us, tainting every decision we made. I wanted to smash something. My fingers were leaving grooves in the marble of the bench top.

My family had slowly filtered back into the room, obviously having heard the discussion.

"Then I'll see Aro alone." Bella's voice was still quiet but strong now and without reading my mind she seemed to know my thoughts exactly. "And don't tell me you can't let me do that, Edward. This is our daughter, and we do whatever we have to to keep her safe, right? I'm strong too, now, remember? We can both protect Abbey, and we can protect each other."

"Bella, I ... ,"

"I remember what they did to you in Volterra, Edward." Her voice cracked as she spoke. "And that will never happen again, I promise you." She swallowed hard and I could see her own anger was growing now, replacing her earlier anxiety. "We'll make sure they'll never know about Abbey. And even if they do find out, no-one will touch a hair on her head. No-one, ever. We'll both see to that."

And suddenly, for just a fleeting second, her love was so fierce is was like a tangible thing. I could almost feel it, protecting, shielding me. The power of it staggered me, and left me in no doubt of her strength or her resolve.

I sighed and nodded as Bella walked to Carlisle and took Abbey from him. She came back to me and put her free arm around me as I hugged her.

"You've saved me so many times, Edward," she whispered and I understood.

"We won't live our lives like we've done something wrong," I said. "I think we need to meet this head on." I turned to my sister.

"Alice, I've made a decision." The room was silent, everyone focussed on my next words. "Bella and I will write to Aro, thank him for his message, tell him we have plans to travel and Bella will visit them somewhere in the next thirty years."

We were agreeing to Aro's request. To them our suggested time frame would seem like mere weeks. It would keep them off our backs and we could wait until Abbey was grown up, living her own life. We'd do this on _our_ terms.

Alice's eyes were shut tight as she concentrated. A smile spread over her face and then over mine as the vision came through.

"Yes, that works," she said. "Aro is satisfied with that. He won't give Bella a second thought now until the day she arrives." And my head dropped onto Bella's shoulder in relief.

"What do you see, Alice?" Jasper asked.

"Bella's shaking hands with Aro, he's stroking her hand, touching her cheek." Then she frowned. "They want to know why she's alone."

I nodded and looked at Bella, keepiing my eyes on her as I spoke. "She'll tell Aro that I have a tendency to be overbearing, over protective. She likes to show me she can take care of herself, that she can operate without me."

Bella smiled, squeezing my hand and then lifting it to her lips. She mouthed _I love you_ before she kissed.

"That's good." Alice nodded, eyes still closed. "Now she's walking out of the Volterra city gates, all in one piece, smiling."

And then Alice burst out laughing and I began to chuckle.

"What?" Emmett was grinning back and forth between us. "What else do you see?"

"It's Edward. He's waiting for her in a very fast car with the engine running."

* * *

Christmas morning was obviously going to be a riot. Bella and I were in our room, and it was a little before six a.m. when Alice tapped on the door for the fourth time and asked if we could wake Abbey up now.

"No," Bella hissed. "Let her sleep. If we wake her she'll be all cranky and won't enjoy it."

I could practically hear Alice sulking as she headed back up to her room. "And don't wake Charlie!" Bella added.

We were all together, now. Charlie and Sue had arrived the evening before. They'd had an early Christmas with Seth and Leah and now they were here I was happy to see how comfortably they'd settled into staying in a house full of vampires. Charlie had hugged his daughter, shaken my hand, and then made straight for Abbey. Sue fell into easy conversation with Bella and Esme and brought Christmas messages and news from La Push.

Jacob had had two more dates with his new girlfriend, Christine, and it was the talk of the reservation.

"Is he going to tell her he's a wolf?" Jasper asked.

"He can't," Sue frowned. "It's going to be tricky for him, but I think he'll just have to take it one day at a time. Right now he's just very happy."

Bella smiled warmly, and I was glad for her and for Jacob.

"Will we meet her at the wedding?" Bella asked. Sue smiled and touched the sapphire and silver ring on her finger that meant she and Charlie would make it official in the Spring.

"I think he'd like to. Could be a bit overwhelming for her though."

"What, being surrounded by werewolves and vampires? No!" Emmett laughed and Sue joined in.

And now everyone was eager for Abbey's first Christmas. I was listening closely to the beat of her heart now, her breathing, waiting for the subtle changes that meant she was starting to wake.

Finally, at six fifteen, her heart rate picked up and I grinned at Bella.

"She's awake," Bella grinned back and we almost got stuck in the doorway as we both rushed to get her up.

She yawned, blinking her eyes, as we crept into her room. We looked over the side of her crib and she stared at us for a moment, then her chubby cheeks stretched into a smile and she let out a giggle.

"Merry Christmas, Abbey," I lifted her out of the crib and cuddled her against me, kissing her forehead.

"Merry Christmas," Bella took her from me and I put my arms around them both.

"I used to jump out of bed on Christmas mornings and run to that window and look out to see if there were reindeer tracks in the snow."

Bella smiled and cupped her hand to my cheek. "That's a nice memory."

"It is."

"Except that the reindeers fly, so the tracks would have been on the roof."

"I knew that, but I checked anyway."

Her thumb stroked over my cheek and I leant into her touch, enjoying my part now in this new memory with my wife and daughter.

"Aw, come on!" Emmett called out. "Bring Abbey downstairs. Didn't anyone teach you two to share?"

Abbey's eyes were huge and almost spinning as she tried to take in everything at once. The presents surrounded the Christmas branch, almost obscuring it from view, different sizes and shapes of bright colours, tied with shiny ribbons and bows. And there were six vampires lined up grinning at her, and two humans who had smiles just as wide. She seemed almost hesitant at first as she sat on Bella's lap and began opening her first gift, her hesitance fading as she discovered the joy of pulling ribbons and ripping paper.

It seemed the Duplo was popular, but more as large, rectangular rattles than building blocks. Abbey would happily shake the boxes, laughing at the sound of the pieces clinking inside, but seemed bemused when the box was opened and the blocks brought out.

"Merry Christmas, sweetheart." Charlie lifted his granddaughter up for a hug and laughed as she pulled on his hair.

"Pa!" she grinned and his thoughts showed a memory of another Christmas morning, nineteen years earlier, when a tiny Bella had laughed in his arms and tugged his hair.

"This is to go with your Junior Fisherman set," he watched as she tore through the paper. It was a fancy bucket and spade set, with shovels, rakes, scoops and moulds for sculpting sand.

"You can use the bucket to hold all the fish we catch," he said , laughing as she tried to drag the rake over his head like a comb. Then Charlie looked up at Bella and me. "I also thought, Bella used to have a lot of fun at the beach when she was little and I know you probably won't be able to do that so much with Abbey, not on sunny days ... ," he paused and looked at me. _Crap, am I offending anyone? _he asked in his thoughts.

I smiled and shook my head slightly. He gave me a quick nod and continued, switching his gaze back to Bella.

"I thought maybe Sue and I could take her to the beach sometimes, if you're okay with that."

"That's a lovely idea, Charlie," Esme spoke up and Charlie turned to her, visibly relaxing.

"It is a lovely idea, Dad. That would be great, thanks. You too, Sue, thank you."

Sue smiled and Charlie gave another brisk nod, ruffled Abbey's hair and then moved back to his seat.

"Ours next!" Alice danced across the room with a parcel of red and green.

A moment later she and Jasper were laughing as Abbey pulled the B-Tech Baby Laptop out of the wrapping, dumped it on the floor and stuck her head inside the box.

"I think we should have just bought her some empty boxes, Alice."

"We'll remember for next year," Alice nodded. "She likes boxes."

The floor was a sea of discarded wrapping paper, ribbons and cardboard, the living room was loud with laughter and conversation and people exchanging gifts. In the middle of it sat Abbey. She was studying her Duplo pieces carefully, frowning as she rubbed her fingers over the nubs that connected one piece to another. I lay on my stomach beside her, propped up on my elbows, showing her how they fit together. I could tell once she made the connection in her mind. She grinned and looked at me.

"Mo!" More.

She wanted me to build more.

So I did. It only took a moment and the farm was assembled and Abbey clapped her hands and began moving the cow in and out of the stable. Then she switched to the tractor.

"Vroom, vroom," I said as she moved it back and forth. She laughed and copied me.

"Oom, oom!"

I clip-clopped the horse towards the stable and moved him in with the cow.

"No!" Abbey said and pulled him out again.

"No?"

She shook her head and her eyebrows came together in a determined look that was so like Bella I had to bite my lip to stop laughing. Neither of them would have been impressed with me about that.

"Okay, cow in the stable, horse in the pasture."

She smiled as I put the horse back where he'd been, next to the sheep with the happy grin.

She turned back to the tractor and became engrossed in making _oom oom _noises so I kissed her cheek and went back to sit beside Bella on the sofa. She was talking to Sue and I slouched down beside her, resting my head on her shoulder and taking her hand into my lap.

I smiled as I heard Sue's thoughts - two years ago she would never have thought all this was possible. I looked up and met her eyes and she seemed a little embarrassed then as she realised I'd heard her.

I gave her a grin. "I wouldn't have believed it either," I said and she smiled back.

She stood and headed over to Charlie, who was demonstrating to Emmett the electronic fish finder we'd given him for Christmas. It seemed there were no fish in our living room, however.

"Here, I have something for you." Bella slipped an envelope from the pocket of her jeans and handed it to me. "Merry Christmas, Edward." She kissed my cheek shyly and then started chewing her lip. "I hope you like it."

I loved anything Bella gave me.

"Thank you, love." I kissed her back and then ripped the end off the envelope.

A narrow cardboard folder fell into my lap and I read the words on its front twice, to be sure.

"Bella, this is ... going to be so much fun, thank you, love!" I threw my arms around her and she laughed.

"What is it" Jasper looked over, his reindeer antlers were slipping and pushed them back in place.

"Bella's bought me a season ticket to Wrigley Field!"

"The Chicago Cubs? Excellent!" Jasper smiled.

I opened the folder and read further. It wasn't just the season ticket.

"Oh!" I said, looking at her. "Really?"

She nodded.

"Has she rented you a box for the season, too?" Emmett came across now and looked over my shoulder. Bella was shifting with embarrassment beside me and I gripped her hand tightly.

"Not just a box, Emmett. She's rented me a _suite_." I was laughing now.

Emmett whistled. "A viewing suite at Wrigley Field, that's a cool present, Bells! Real cool. Hey, we can all come, right?"

"We'll see Emmett." I took my hand from Bella's and moved my arm around her shoulder, pulling her into me. I knew she wasn't really a fan of baseball, but I hoped she might come with me sometimes. And if we had a private suite ...

"I'm glad you like it," she said. "I know we won't be here _all_ the time, but the way you drive you could almost come for every game, anyway." She was rolling her eyes and I laughed and kissed the top of her head. "And I know how you love baseball, but you haven't had much time for it since you met me and I just thought ... we could go to some games."

"You'd come with me?" This _was_ getting better.

She nodded and I held her tighter. "It was the Cubs you followed when you were human, wasn't it?"

"It was. And this is wonderful, Bella. Thank you."

I kissed her again and began working up the courage to give her my gift. I opened my mouth to speak, just as Sue asked Bella to explain the oven to her. My chance was gone for the moment and I spent the next little while talking with my family and comparing my new laser tag combat rifle with Jasper's sniper rifle. Emmett wanted us to have our own personal equipment.

"But you still don't get a discount to play," he'd said.

The fire was slowly fading, the room would begin to grow cold soon, so I went outside for more firewood. When I came back in Bella was still in the kitchen, laughing with Sue about an overcooked Thanksgiving turkey.

I re-stacked the fire and then stood watching Abbey and Alice while they played a game on the baby laptop.

From the corner of my eye I saw Bella come back into the room and sit on the sofa with Esme.

_Good luck, Edward._

Alice's thought filtered through and I smiled at her. She winked and gave me a nod. It was time.

I moved across the room and gently touched my fingers to Bella's cheek. She looked up, smiling. I smiled back and cocked an eyebrow, nodding my head slightly towards the window, indicating the garden. She looked a little puzzled, but stood up to join me. I held her hand, linking my fingers with hers and squeezing gently as I led her through the forest of discarded wrapping paper, past Emmett in his Santa hat, into the kitchen and out into the back yard. At the bench seat we stopped, I dusted off the snow and we sat. And suddenly, I was nervous. So very nervous. My gift was extravagent, though not as much as it could have been. Her gift to me had meaning and thought, mine just seemed outrageous and expensive now, and I hoped desperately she would see what was behind it. I swallowed hard and pulled the envelope from my pocket. "I wanted to give this to you in private," I said as I placed it in her hands. "Merry Christmas, Bella."  
Her eyes narrowed slightly as her fingers ran over the thick, cream paper of the envelope.  
"What is it?"  
"Open it and see."  
I rubbed my hand over my chin as she slid an elegant finger beneath the flap. My heart felt like it should be pounding and I swallowed hard as she reached into the envelope and pulled out the folded pieces of paper, the photographs and the tickets. There was silence and I held my breath as she studied them, then her eyes widened as understanding took hold.  
"Edward! You ... you, what have you done?" Her eyes came up to mine, utter disbelief written all over her face. "Is this what it looks like?"  
I nodded and realised I was chewing on my lip as I sank to my knees in front of her.

"Bella, I'm giving you the lights of Paris for Christmas."

She stared at me, then back at the papers in her lap - the three, first-class airline tickets, the Deeds, the map and the photos.

She was dumbfounded, her expression still bewildered. "I ... I don't ... Edward?" She looked up at me, frowning slightly as I touched the airline tickets.

"These are open ended. We can use them anytime in the next year, so we can go whenever you like, stay as long as you like ... this time. Of course, I'm hoping you'll want to go many more times. If you want." I was keeping my eyes on her. She was shaking her head slowly, still trying to take it in, I guessed. I was still feeling nervous as I moved onto the lengthy legal document. "These papers say that apartment seven, 11 rue de Monttessuy in Paris belongs to Isabella Marie Cullen ... it's yours." I said the last words firmly, she nodded just slightly and that pleased me. I relaxed a little and continued. I was over the hump now, I thought. "This map is to show you where it is." I pointed to the network of red, green and yellow lines, criss-crossing each other. "It's right here. It's a quiet street and the apartment is on the top floor. It has views over the city, the Eiffel Tower. You can even see a bit of the River Seine." I smiled and she smiled back. It was a bit shaky, but it was a smile. "And these," I traced my fingers over the two photographs. "These show you the view from the property by day and by night."

I pulled my hands back and rested them in my lap as I sat on my heels and watched her. She studied each photo carefully. Her continued silence was making me nervous again, so I kept talking.

"It's not a big apartment, it's just a basic studio really ... one main room with a kitchen across the end and a small bathroom set off at the other end. There were much bigger, fancier places to choose from, but this has by far the best view over the city, as you can probably guess from that."

I pointed at the nighttime photo. The studio was almost entirely glass along one side, letting in all the spectacle that Paris and its lights have to offer.

"I know I could have just bought the airline tickets and booked a hotel and we could have wandered around the city and enjoyed the lights that way too, but I wanted more than that for you. I wanted to give you a part of it, Bella.."

She was nodding, still staring at the picture, but she wasn't speaking. I swallowed hard and decided against saying anything more. Perhaps I'd said too much. Maybe the whole gift was too much. I'd gone too far, I knew she didn't like extravagance, what had I been thinking. I sighed and pulled my hands through my hair and looked at the moisture from the snow creeping slowly up the denim of my jeans. The studio was in a prime part of Paris, I'd have no trouble selling it. I'd contact the lawyers after ...

"It's beautiful."

I lifted my eyes slowly and Bella was smiling at me. No, not smiling, she was beaming.

"You ... you like it then?"

She didn't answer. She threw herself off the bench into my arms and we fell backwards into the snow as the photos, map, tickets and deeds scattered around us. Bella's lips moved over mine and I felt safe in the assumption that, yes, she did like it.

"I love it," she whispered as she pulled away. "Edward, it's ... so thoughtful. It's so ... you!"

I felt my eyes widen when she said that.

I was lying in the snow, with Bella sitting on top of me now, grinning as she held my hands tightly. "You are kind and generous and thoughtful and loving and you always have been and this gift is _huge_, but so is your heart, Edward."

She leant down and kissed me again, softer this time. "I get it. This gift is who you are. And I can't wait to see the lights." Her lips grazed over mine and I brought my hands up to twist and wind in her hair, holding her to me.

I couldn't believe how happy I was at that moment.

We lay in the snow, kissing, laughing, until we realised just how wet we were getting. I took Bella's hand and pulled us to our feet and we headed back to the house. Through the window I could see our families, laughing, talking, enjoying Christmas morning. Our daughter playing on the floor, laughing as Carlisle and Esme performed for her with the puppet theatre that was their gift.

Bella was tucked in tight to my side, her arms around me, the damp papers and photos clutched in her hand. As we stood and watched for a moment I realised that for so long my life had been as though I was on the outside looking in ... watching others experience love, companionship. I grinned and kissed the top of Bella's head. Because of her I wasn't on the outside anymore.

"Come on, love, let's go in."

A little later we'd changed into dry clothes and had joined everyone back in the living room. Bella's gift received plenty of attention and Emmett had already made a list of tentative dates for he and Rosalie to stay in the apartment.

"You and Bella won't be there all the time," he'd reasoned.

Abbey was sitting on my lap. My palm was open to her and she was playing with my wedding ring, turning it around my finger, moving it back and forth. Every now and then I'd snap my hand closed and she'd giggle and try to prise my fingers open again. I'd relax my fist, one finger at a time, and when my hand was open she'd clap and start playing with the ring again.

"Will you go to Paris soon?" Esme asked.

I looked at Bella and she grinned. "I think we'll wait until after the wedding," she smiled at Charlie and Sue. I squeezed her hand, stroking my thumb over her rings.

"Paris is beautiful in Spring," I said, bringing her fingers up to kiss.

"How did you find this place, Edward?" Charlie asked as he looked at the photos.

I hesitated for a moment and decided on the truth. In the scheme of things, this odd little piece of information would pale against everything he'd already learned.

"I actually knew it already. One evening in 1963 I climbed the building and spent several hours sitting on its roof, just watching the lights. I'd been on a lot of rooftops, but that one offered the best view of the city, I thought."

Charlie's heart rate increased just slightly. _1963. I wasn't born yet._

"You'd ... you'd been on a lot of rooftops, you say?" _I bet he didn't use a ladder to get up there, either._

I nodded, effectively answering both his queries.

"It's a good way to see a place," Jasper spoke up. "You get a real feel for a city from the roof tops."

"Yeah, of course," Charlie muttered. "Do you still do that now?" _Still some stuff I have to get used to, I guess._

"Not for a long time, no." I said. He nodded and Carlisle distracted him with a question about fishing.

Bella tugged on my sleeve and I turned to her. There was a spark of something in her eyes and she raised an eyebrow just slightly. I spoke quietly, in a vampire whisper. "Except for that night on the roof of George's nursing home, right?"

She nodded, smiling.

"Do you want me to tell your father you were part of a break and enter?" I winked at her.

Her eyes shot open a little and she shook her head just slightly. I chuckled and hugged her to me.

Sue had a question for me and I turned to her. She smiled. "I was just thinking ... that was amazing timing then, that it was selling when you were looking for a place."

"Er, it wasn't for sale. I knew what I wanted, I just made an offer, the owners accepted."

"Oh, well that's ... good." She smiled again and then started chuckling. _Must have been some offer._

It had been. But it was worth every euro.

I snapped my hand closed again and Abbey giggled. She started pulling on my fingers, making small sounds of satisfaction as each one uncurled.

"So if we go to Paris, we can also use the apartment as a base and see other places too, right?" Bella smiled up at me.

"Yes, we can." Her obvious delight, the way she was making plans for us, the way she _got it,_ filled me up with emotions I couldn't describe.

"Are we likely to find other vampires?"

"It's possible." I thought for a moment. "It's even possible, if we made the right enquiries through the right people, that we might find other children like Abbey." I was sure there had to be more and it would be nice if she could meet others like her, closer to her age maybe, a friend she didn't have to hide secrets from. I wasn't sure what Abbey's future would hold for her, we'd send her to school, she could go to college, I hoped she'd have a career, I wondered if she would marry, find the happiness I'd found with Bella. I didn't know, except for one thing ... she would be loved for all of her very long life.

"Ha!" she'd opened all my fingers and found my wedding ring again, but now she was bored with that game and she wriggled onto the floor and flopped down amongst the paper. She picked up the customised talking teddy bear that Rosalie and Emmet had given her and squeezed him, laughing as he recited _'Twas the night before Christmas_, in Emmett and Rosalie's voices. Emmett had made his especially growly and bear-like.

Charlie, Sue and Esme were sitting in the chairs around the fireplace, the others were sitting on the floor, and it was just Bella and me on the sofa, so I laid down, stretched out and put my head in her lap. My legs stuck over the end and I wiggled my bare feet at Abbey and her bear.

Bella's fingers were stroking gently over my skin, leaving a trail of warmth wherever she touched. I looked up and she was smiling down at me, pushing the hair back from my forehead. I took her free hand and rested it on my chest, holding it there.

Suddenly, Alice gasped, her eyes unfocused, staring into the distance and I could see fuzzy flickers in her mind. Then she began to grin and looked at me. My mouth fell open in surprise.

"It's fuzzy, like it always is with her, but I'm seeing right, aren't I?" she grinned.

It was another Christmas, a future Christmas. We were in this house, our family was together with a much older Charlie, a grey haired Sue, but the Christmas tree was another branch in a bucket. And there was ...

I sucked in a breath and sat up.

"What is it?" Bella was tugging my arm. Everyone was looking at me.

_I am right, aren't I?_

Alice asked again in her thoughts.

"I think so." I wasn't sure how I found the power of speech, but I did.

"What's going on?" Charlie asked, confused.

"Alice and Edward are talking to each other in their heads," Emmett explained. "It's annoying isn't it?"

Bella tugged on my arm again. "Edward? Edward, tell me!"

I stared at Abbey sucking on the pom pom of a discarded Santa hat now.

"Edward, what did you see? Alice?"

I started to laugh and pulled Bella into a hug as my joy spilled over. Joy at what this meant, joy at what we had created, what we'd started together.

"I love you," I said, then I put my hands on Bella's cheeks and kissed her. When I stopped I pulled back to look into her eyes. Hers were searching mine and I couldn't stop myself - I knew she wanted answers but I kissed her instead. I sighed as I pulled away, she was desperate now to know and so was the rest of the room. I took a breath, my shoulders squared and my chest swelled as I looked into her eyes and told her ...

"Grandchildren!"

_THE END_

**Author Note: This story started on Twilighted in February and I can't believe it's finished. I feel kind of sad, but glad that it's reached its conclusion - I hope you liked the ending, if you have a sec, I'd love to hear what you think :)**

**And I'd like to say Thank You to everyone who has been along for the Blood Lines ride.**

**THANK YOU to all the people who have recommended this story, I appreciate that more than I can say.**

**THANK YOU to everyone who has nominated/voted for this story in the Moonlight and Bellie awards - that just blew me away.**

**THANK YOU to everyone who has reviewed and left me PM's - I appreciate them all, they make me laugh and smile and always make my day. I reply to as many as I can, if I've missed yours, I'm sorry, but please know that I read them all.**

**Finally, I'd like to wish you all a very Happy Holiday Season and a Great New Year!**


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